One Year Later
''Maybe if we were
just a little more mature then
Maybe if we knew
back then what we know now
Endless regret only repeats itself
I have no will to save myself
But I tightly held all of that in
That’s how one year has passed''
It had been a year since Jessica’s untimely passing in New York, a loss that still felt unreal to the remaining members of Girls’ Generation. Time had passed, but the wound remained fresh, each day a painful reminder of what could never be undone.
The morning of the anniversary dawned cold and gray. A light drizzle fell over Seoul, painting the city in muted shades of sorrow. The members of Girls’ Generation had agreed to meet at Jessica’s grave, a silent acknowledgment that despite the years of estrangement, she was still a part of them.
The cemetery was serene, tucked away on a hillside where the whispers of the wind carried memories. Jessica's grave stood out among the rows of stones, adorned with white lilies and roses, her name etched in elegant script.
Taeyeon arrived first, clutching a bouquet of white lilies. She stood in silence, her breath visible in the chilly air. “Hi Sica,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I hope you're okay.”
One by one, the others arrived—Tiffany, Yoona, Seohyun, Yuri, Hyoyeon, Sunny, and Sooyoung—each carrying flowers, their faces marked by grief and regret. They stood together, a group united not by music this time, but by loss.
The grave was simple but elegant, adorned with fresh flowers left by those who loved and remembered her. The inscription read:
Jessica Jung
Beloved Daughter, Sister and Friend.
‘’Forever Golden’’
A thick silence hung over them, the weight of it as heavy as the grief that lingered in the room. The world felt still, as if everything was holding its breath. Slowly, one by one, the members moved closer, each one feeling the pull of shared sorrow.
Taeyeon was the first to approach, her footsteps slow and hesitant, like she was walking on fragile ground. When she reached them, her arms opened wide, pulling the others in with an embrace that was both gentle and strong. She held them tightly, as if in that moment, their hearts could be woven back together. “We’re here,” Taeyeon whispered, her voice breaking, yet steady. “We’re here. We’ll always be here, together.”
Tiffany was next. She wrapped her arms around them with the same warmth, her breath shaky. She pressed her cheek against Sooyoung, her voice trembling as she spoke, “Do you remember that time we couldn’t find her for hours? We panicked... we were so scared, we thought something terrible had happened.” Her voice cracked with emotion, and she had to pause, wiping away a stray tear before continuing. “We checked everywhere... the dorm, the practice room, outside... we couldn’t breathe for a moment, wondering where she could’ve gone.”
Yoona, standing just behind them, nodded, a faint smile crossing her lips as she whispered, “I remember. We called, we searched... and then we found her. She was asleep—can you believe it? In the bathroom, sitting up against the wall, completely knocked out.” She chuckled softly, shaking her head. “It felt like the entire world had collapsed for a moment, and there she was, completely unaware of it all, still as peaceful as could be.”
Yuri added, her voice softer now, but no less tender, “And she would always do things that caught us off guard, you know? Like when she’d burst out with that dolphin scream, always so random and loud, but so... her. It made everything lighter. Even in the most serious moments, she’d somehow make us laugh with that little quirk.”
Hyoyeon smiled through her tears, her voice light but laced with nostalgia. “She had this... presence. Unpredictable, sure, but you could never forget it. Remember the way she’d always try to fix her hair, even when it wasn’t necessary? She’d fuss over it for hours, constantly running her fingers through it. Like it was the only thing that kept her grounded.” Her voice wavered for a moment, eyes blinking rapidly to fight the tears that came unbidden.
For a moment, laughter filled the room, but it was fragile, fading quickly as the truth of the situation crept back into their hearts. The conversation moved from shared memories to the feeling of loss they all carried, the silence lingering longer between each word. Taeyeon’s breath caught in her chest, her hands trembling as she quietly added, “I should have reached out... I should’ve told her I’m truly sorry about everything. I thought time would fix everything, but... time didn’t save us.” Her voice broke, like a fragile thread snapping in the wind.
Tiffany looked down at the floor, her hands trembling as she whispered, her voice thick with emotion, “She must have thought we didn’t care anymore. That we had forgotten her.” Her voice broke, cracking under the weight of her regret. “But we didn’t. We never did.”
“We were supposed to be her second family,” Sunny said quietly, her voice trembling with guilt. “We let her down.’’ Her shoulders shook with the weight of that admission, the pain of the past heavy in her chest.
Tiffany turned her head, biting her lip to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
Yoona’s gaze lowered to the floor, her voice thick with regret. “We told ourselves there’d be time to make it right, that there would be a tomorrow, but... there wasn’t. We didn’t fix what was broken. And now... now it’s too late.”
Yuri let out a shaky breath, her eyes filled with the weight of guilt. “We took her for granted. We let the distance grow between us, thinking we could always reach out when we wanted to. But we were wrong.”
Seohyun, who had been quietly standing behind them, wiped her face, trying to calm the storm of tears. “I... I was the maknae. She always looked out for me, always took care of me. But I never gave anything back. I didn’t even try. I didn’t even try to reach out.”
Taeyeon took a deep breath, her eyes closed briefly before she spoke again, her voice fragile but filled with truth. “I let my pride get in the way. I thought that if we gave each other space, if we waited long enough, things would somehow fix themselves. But now I see... I should have fought harder, reached out more. I should’ve been the one to break the silence. I let my own pride blind me to the fact that she needed us.”
Hyoyeon, who had always been the lightness in their group, now carried a depth of sorrow. “I never thought it would come to this. That she would be gone and we would be left wondering if she knew how much she meant to us.”
"We gave her an ultimatum. Can you believe that? An ultimatum—like she wasn’t part of this family anymore," Taeyeon said, her voice strained. "She told us she wasn’t going to choose between the group and her brand. She wasn’t going to sacrifice either. We were the ones who had to choose, and she made it clear that she wouldn't bow to our demands. And then, we... we turned our backs on her. We acted like we could just replace her, like everything she built with us didn’t matter. But it did. It mattered. And we just... let it go."
Yuri clenched her fists at her sides, unable to hide the frustration that bubbled to the surface. "I remember it so clearly. We thought if we gave her space, she’d come back to us. That she’d see that we still needed her. But we didn’t realize that we were just... waiting for her to come to us. We let her think she had to fight for us when it should have been us fighting for her."
Tiffany’s eyes filled with tears as she softly murmured, "She told us she wasn’t going to choose. And then... then we told her she had to. And we just left it at that. I hate that we did that. I hate that we didn’t even try to understand how hard that decision must have been for her."
Sooyoung’s voice was almost a whisper as she spoke, the guilt evident in every word. "We thought we were doing the right thing by pushing her to make a choice, by giving her that ultimatum. But instead, we pushed her away. We made her feel like she had to choose between us and her dreams. Like we couldn’t be part of both worlds. We should have been more understanding and supportive. Like real friends do,"
There was a long pause, each member struggling with the harsh truth of their actions. Hyoyeon’s voice was a soft murmur, as if speaking the words would break her even further. "We acted like we were protecting the group, like it was all about the image, the brand, and the business. But in the end, we were just scared. Scared of losing our own place in the world, and too proud to admit that we needed her more than anything. And when she left, we just... stood there. Waiting for something to fix it, but it was too late."
Taeyeon closed her eyes, her chest tightening. "She told us she wasn’t going to give up either, not on her dreams, not on us. But we made her feel like she had to pick. And then, when she made her choice, we were too scared to follow through with the promises we made her. Too proud to admit we were wrong. Instead, we turned away. We made her feel like she had to do it alone."
A long breath filled the space, heavy and filled with regret. Yoona whispered, "I’ll never forgive myself for not reaching out. We thought we were being strong, but we were just being selfish. She was… She was my unnie."
Seohyun's voice was quiet, the words tumbling out, thick with the weight of their collective guilt. "She trusted us, and we... we left her to fight alone. It wasn’t just the group. It was more than that. It was us, and we failed her."
As they sat together, the memories of Jessica, once so vivid, felt like shadows in their minds. They could still hear her laughter, still feel the warmth of her presence, but it was fading—like a distant echo that they could no longer grasp.
And then Taeyeon spoke again, her voice barely above a whisper. "We should have chosen her. All of us should have chosen her, no matter what."
"We were scared," Tiffany said, her voice thick with tears. "We were scared to admit we were wrong, to fight for something that felt so fragile. But now... we don’t even have the chance to fix it."
A heavy silence followed, broken only by the quiet, heart-wrenching sound of their shared sorrow. They couldn’t take back the past, couldn’t undo the hurt they had caused. No matter how much they loved her, they would never have the chance to show her just how much.
Seohyun's soft voice broke through the silence. "We thought we had time. But time ran out."
And though there was no way to undo their mistakes, no way to take back the choices they had made, the love they still held for her burned bright—an unquenchable flame in the cold silence left behind.
The words hung in the air, heavy and bitter, as if the regret was something they could almost touch. Taeyeon’s voice, soft and laden with sorrow, broke through the silence again, but this time there was a tremor in it, one that reflected the depth of her pain.
"Sometimes," she began, her words faltering, "it feels like the only thing we have left of her is regret. And I hate it. I hate that the memories we made together—the laughs, the moments of pure joy are slowly being overshadowed by this feeling. The memories of her of us should be all that remains. Not this... not this emptiness."
Yuri looked at Taeyeon, her heart aching for her leader, her voice quiet but filled with understanding. "I know. It’s like when you think about her, all that comes to mind is that sharp ache, the things we never said, the things we should have done differently. It’s as if we’re left with nothing but these regrets that will never fade, no matter how much time passes. It makes everything else feel so far away."
Tiffany’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears, and she nodded, voice barely above a whisper. "It’s not fair. We had so many beautiful moments together. Her smile, her energy... She made everything brighter. And now... now it feels like all we have is the ache of what we lost. The happy memories are buried beneath all the things we never got the chance to fix."
Sooyoung clenched her fists, as if willing the pain away. "She had this way of making everything feel like it was going to be okay, even when things weren’t. Her laughter... God, her laugh. It would fill up a room. And now that laughter is just... a memory. A beautiful memory, but one that hurts because we didn’t fight to keep it alive."
Hyoyeon’s voice trembled as she spoke, her heart breaking in a way that words couldn’t fully capture. "It feels like we didn’t get to hold on to those moments long enough. They were stolen from us—stolen by our own mistakes. We should have cherished every second, every laugh, every argument, every tear. But instead, we let it slip away... And now all we have are regrets."
The graveyard was still, each member lost in their thoughts, grappling with the weight of what they had lost, and what they couldn’t bring back.
"I would give anything," Sunny murmured, her voice thick with emotion, "to turn back time. To be able to show her how much she meant to us, to have one more chance to remind her that she wasn’t just a part of the group—she was our heart. But now, all I have is this gnawing pain in my chest. This regret."
And in the silence that followed, the only thing that remained was the memory of her—of Jessica—the girl who had been so much more than a member, more than an idol. She had been their sister, their light, and now, she was a shadow they couldn’t reach.
In the end, they were left with the memories of what could have been and the overwhelming weight of what they had failed to protect. They had lost her—not because of fate, but because of their own choices.
And now, all that was left were the regrets, the silent ache, and the haunting echo of a love they hadn’t been able to hold onto.
Sometimes, it seemed like that was all they would ever have of her.