Harry approached the open cupboard cautiously. He would’ve left it, but he thought he heard someone crying. He found Dudley sitting down on a cot with his head between his knees. Harry half suspected that this was some sort of trick. Nevertheless, he decided he should probably check in on him on the off chance that Dudley was having some sort of mental breakdown.
“I’m sorry, but are you okay?” Harry asked. Dudley jolted in shock and fixed Harry with an inscrutable look.
“I’m fine,” he said, ” just thinking.” Harry scoffed. He’d never known Dudley to be the thinking type. Dudley’s voice had a dazed quality to it as though he had just discovered the meaning of life. Even if he had, Harry had no desire to hear it from Dudley of all people. He turned on his heel and started to walk away.
“It’s small. It’s not a room. It’s a closet.” Dudley announced with an air of authority. Harry rolled his eyes. Dudley spoke like Harry wasn’t well aware of that fact like he hadn’t spent eleven years living in that small cupboard. Harry stormed back to give Dudley a piece of his mind.
“It is. Though, it's a lot smaller for you. You’ve always been much bigger than I ever was.” Harry snapped. He glared at Dudley, but Dudley did not glare back at him. Instead, he flopped back onto the cot looking rather upset. He quickly sat up brushing his face with his hands furiously.
“Ugh! Spiders,” Dudley exclaimed. Harry crossed his arms and examined Dudley coldly. He was used to dealing with Dudley's taunts. He’d never talked about the cupboard- not since Aunt Petunia had to talk their preschool teacher out of calling child protective services- but really it was only a matter of time before Dudley figured out that he could lord this over Harry in the safety of his own home where there were no concerned adults to hear. Dudley studied his face, probably searching for weakness. Harry met his gaze unflinchingly. Harry had taken his fair share of lumps and was now done being Dudley’s punching bag.
“You don’t look surprised.” Dudley’s voice startled Harry. He sounded almost concerned, but that couldn’t be right. Harry doubted his cousin’s ability to feel concerned for anybody, let alone him.
“Should I? Dudley, it's a cupboard; of course there’re spiders.” Harry sighed when he saw the panicked and defensive look on Dudley’s face.
“I’ve never been here before! I guess I thought,” Dudley paused. “I don’t know what I thought, but it wasn’t this.” Dudley gestured vaguely around the cupboard. Harry had an epiphany then. Dudley wasn’t trying to pull one over on him; he was having an unpleasant revelation. Unfortunately, Harry had known all along and he had no desire to be there when Dudley figured it out.
“Alright. Have fun thinking.” Harry turned on his heel and walked away.
“Harry! Wait.” Dudley cried. He tumbled out of the cupboard in his rush to grab Harry’s hand. He and Harry wound up sprawled across the floor in a mass of tangled limbs.
“What do you want?” Harry hissed. He attempted to shove Dudley off of him.
“It wasn’t right- what my parents did to you.” Dudley rushed. He scrambled to his feet and lingered at the cupboard doorway. Harry was struck with the most peculiar feeling. He couldn’t quite place it but thought it might have been melancholy or at least annoyance. Memories of cold nights and long dark days spent in the cupboard came back to him.
“Ya, Dudley, I know.”
“Oh.” Oh was right. Neither of them knew where to go from there. Harry stood outside the cupboard watching as Dudley sank into the rusted cot. Harry could see the cogs in his head grinding against each other as he struggled to comprehend what Harry already knew. Finally, he looked up and met Harry’s gaze tentatively.
“If things had been different, do you think we could’ve been friends?” Dudley at him so hopefully, so innocently that Harry almost felt bad for squashing his hopes.
“I’m a wizard.” Harry reminded him. Dudley furrowed his brows.
“W-well if you weren’t?” Dudley stammered. The concerned look on his face bugged Harry more than he felt it should, and Harry suddenly found his own shoes to be fascinating.
“I don’t know…maybe. What does it matter anyways? I am a wizard and we aren’t friends.”
“Well, we could be!”
“No, we can’t.”
“Could too!” Dudley cried. It reminded Harry of the tantrums he threw when he didn’t get enough presents. Dudley had never been told no and this probably seemed like a rather personal rejection of him as a person.
“It’s not you Dudley. Don’t you see? Every time you’ve ever met someone like me it’s ended in disaster. Remember just last year when Fred and George made your tongue grow four feet long or when Hagrid gave you a tail? Our kinds just aren’t meant to mix.” Dudley looked down. All traces of anger left his face and his shoulders slumped. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but he looked smaller somehow.
“I think we- I mean muggles and wizards- could get along. If we tried.” Dudley said. Harry laughed as an ugly rage crept up his spine.
“Look at how well we’ve done. I’m sure Aunt Petunia would love it if I spelled all the walls sunny yellow and made the kettle sing. Maybe I could turn a rabbit into a drill for Vernon’s next dinner party.” Harry mocked. His face stretched into a painful grin. Dudley backed away.
“Maybe they’d be okay if you stopped being so frea- I mean if you did a little less magic?” Freak. Dudley was going to say freak. He’d sounded so earnest too- like he thought he was being helpful.
“Maybe I’d like you better if you breathed a little less! I’m not going to pretend to be something I’m not so we could maybe play happy family with your stupid parents!” Harry snapped.
“My parents are not stupid! They’re better people than you could ever be!”
“They kept me in a cupboard for eleven years!” They both froze. Harry hadn’t even realized he’d been holding that in for so long. Harry realized at that moment that he’d never told anyone about the cupboard. He’d kept that tidbit tucked away deep in his chest like a dirty secret.
“We shouldn’t- I mean it's not fair to anyone. Your parents didn’t want me, but they were forced to put up with me anyway. They had to deal with my freakishness,” Dudley flinched, “and I had to deal with their hatred. That’s what I’d be like if wizards and muggles were forced to interact. It wouldn’t be fair for either party.”
“If we can’t mix, then why did you save me?” Dudley challenged with a hint of triumph in his voice. Harry sighed.
“I didn’t want you dead. Anyway, what’s all this about? You aren’t usually one for thinking.” Dudley shifted.
“I don’t know I guess I thought maybe we could be family,” he murmured.
“Dudley, you don’t like me, you don’t even love me.” Dudley’s face crumpled.
“I know, but I wish I could love you,” Dudley said earnestly. He really meant it, somehow that made it sting worse. Harry sighed.
“Me too, Dudley. Me too.”