"Would You Die For Me, Kokichi?" 💙
"Would you die for me, Kokichi?" 💙
Shuichi looked into his bathroom mirror as he washed his hands. He saw Kokichi walk up behind him and put his arms around him. The hug felt more empty than normal. Kokichi often strolled into Shuichi's dorm without asking so he thought nothing of it, normally.
Shuichi was still stuck in the killing game. He had been laying in his bed for days now, doing nothing but occasionally eating and going to the bathroom.
Kokichi had stopped by a couple of times but he never started conversations, so Shuichi just took the hugs Kokichi gave and was satisfied. Every now and then Kokichi managed to drag him out of bed to go have Shuichi eat more food since he didn't eat much.
The last trial hit Shuichi hard but luckily Kokichi was there to cheer him up. Kokichi and him started dating soon after the second trial. They both really needed someone to be there for them. Sure, Kokichi caused trouble and Kaito had never liked Kokichi which made things a bit awkward, but Shuichi actually really enjoyed being around Kokichi.
Kokichi liked to snuggle up close to Shuichi and hold him like a giant teddy bear. Shuichi would never admit it but he loved the attention. He felt safe around Kokichi. He made Shuichi happy.
The way Kokichi acted around him in private made Shuichi feel as though he had been able to see the real Kokichi. Which is why Shuichi found it odd Kokichi hadn't been talking much lately. He only ever talked when Shuichi asked him things. He was normally very talkative.
Shuichi worked hard to repress the memories of the last trial he had gone through, maybe Kokichi had too. Maybe he was just still recovering from it all too.
He dried off his hands and turned around to hug Kokichi back. It felt as though neither of them had any emotion behind the hug. Like they only did it for the affection and not the person but the affection they were looking for wasn't there either.
Unable to control his emotions, Shuichi felt his eyes start to water. He loved Kokichi and had hugged him numerous times before. Never had they ever felt like this, this was terrible. It hurt to keep going. Shuichi let go and Kokichi followed. Still without saying anything Kokichi looked up to Shuichi and tilted his head.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this right now." Shuichi wiped his eyes and opened the bathroom door.
"What do you mean?" Kokichi followed as Shuichi walked back to his bed.
"I'm not sure what's wrong but I can't do this." Shuichi laid down on his bed and curled up in his blankets.
Kokichi sat next to him and moved his hand along Shuichi's arm.
"Why can't I just be happy it's over." Shuichi curled up tighter.
"It's ok to be sad about it Shuichi, it's got to be hard losing two of your closest friends." Kokichi assured him.
The memories Shuichi had repressed made him forget all about who he had lost to the trial. He didn't bother trying to remember, knowing it would just hurt more.
"I love you Kokichi." Tears fell from Shuichi's eyes. Shuichi was met with Kokichi removing his cold hand from his arm and a silent response to his confession. They had always said they loved each other, why was now any different? Shuichi looked up to see Kokichi looking around the room, looking at anything other than Shuichi and the bed they were on.
"Kokichi, what's wrong." Shuichi rested a hand on Kokichi's thigh.
"Pretending it didn't happen isn't going to help you Shuichi." Kokichi responded, still looking away.
"I love you Kokichi, I really do."
"I know you do, trust me, I do."
"So why aren't you saying it back?" Another tear escaped Shuichi's eyes, falling slowly down his damp cheek.
Shuichi was met again with no response from Kokichi. As if his heart couldn't hurt anymore, the last part of it broke to Kokichi's empty response. Kokichi still wasn't looking to Shuichi, making everything worse. He wouldn't even look to Shuichi, how could he love him without even looking at him?
"Kokichi," Shuichi sat up and wrapped his arm around Kokichi, "I love you so much, I'd do anything for you... I... I'd die for you." Shuichi paused before speaking again, "would- would you do the same? Would you die for me, Kokichi?"
Kokichi didn't response at first, making Shuichi think he never would.
"Again?" Kokichi finally asked.
"What do you mean again?"
"You want me to die for you again?" Kokichi finally turned to look at Shuichi, "I've done it already Shuichi, I'm not real you know."
Shuichi removed his arms and laid back down onto his bed. Closing his eyes, Shuichi was never the one to not response. He couldn't think of anything to say. He felt the small weight of Kokichi sitting next to him fade away.
That's right... the death he had forgotten about... the two friends he had lost... they were Kaito and Kokichi. His tears fell again as he hit his head over and over trying to shake the memory away. If he forgot about it maybe Kokichi would come back.
Shuichi's shirt began to grow wet as it caught his tears that fell from his face. Shuichi heard a knock at his door making his loud cry's grow silent.
"Shuichi! I know you're in there! I know you haven't been eating, I brought you some food." He could hear Maki yell through the door, "I'm not leaving until you let me in!"
Shuichi stayed still on his bed, unable to bring himself to move. That is until he felt the small cold hand pull on his wrist. He looked up to see Kokichi pulling his arm to get him out of bed.
"Shuichi let me in!" Maki banged on the door.
"Come on Shuichi, you need to talk to her, she can help make you feel better." Kokichi pulled harder. Shuichi stepped out of his bed and met Maki at the door. Maki was never one to show affection so she rushed passed Shuichi and entered his room. She placed the food onto Shuichi's desk and hugged him.
"Maki..." Shuichi managed to get out.
"Shh it's ok, I'm here for you Shuichi. We can get through this together, me and you." Maki replied. He could feel her own tears start to wet his shirt as well. Shuichi looked up and saw the Kokichi he had been talking to for the past few days slowly wave and disappear from his view. Was this... moving on?