You’ll Always Be Back 💙🍋🖤🕊️
Chapter 1: You’ll always be back
Kokichi’s POV
“God I hate you!” I yelled as he pushed into me.
“You adore me.” Shuichi put his hand on my chin and squished my face.
“No! I hate you! I hate everything about you!”
*knock knock*
“Hey Shuichi are you in there? Your mom said I could come in!” A voice that sounded like Kaede Akamatsu shouted.
“Yeah give me a second to get decent!” Shuichi shouted back. I was sat up on top of Shuichi’s dresser. He pushed away from me and grabbed me by my shoulders to get me up, “go hide somewhere and don’t come out until I tell you you can. You better not make a sound while she’s in here.”
I ran to the closet and hid in there. I grabbed one of his shirts and put it on. I know he wouldn’t like that but I didn’t feel comfortable sitting silent in Shuichi’s closet naked hearing him make out with Kaede. I just know it’s going to happen.
“Hey baby~” Shuichi smirked.
“Hey Shu~” Kaede giggled. Bleh. Straight couples. I guess I have some explaining to do. Shuichi and I aren’t dating, that would ruin his reputation. I’m not the most liked person at our school. In fact most of Shuichi’s friends hate me. Shuichi is dating Kaede Akamatsu. The whole school knows this. If they knew Shuichi was fucking around with me things would be not so fun for the both of us.
“What’d you come over for today?” Shuichi asked.
“I just wanted to check up on you. You haven’t been at school for a few days you know.” Kaede replied.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry if I worried you at all.” I could see them through the closet door. Shuichi was holding her by her waist. I wanted to let her know he wasn’t being loyal to her but I also know Shuichi would kill me.
“It’s ok. I’m glad to see you’re ok. You know Kokichi hasn’t been here the past few days either.” Kaede dragged her finger across Shuichi’s chest.
“Really? That’s odd, maybe he finally offed himself like we’ve been suggesting.” Shuichi laughed slightly.
Memories of Shuichi, Kaito, and Kaede telling me to just die already flooded through my mind. I got so used to it, it didn’t affect me as much anymore. It still hurt to hear Shuichi say he wanted me dead though. I know what we have isn’t healthy and ultimately will end me but I love him. He’s all I really have going for me and we do have some fun moments. Most of the time he’s just horny though and that’s not fun. He likes to make me help him but god is it hard sometimes.
“Maybe. Do you know anything about him?” Kaede questioned, why does she want to know more about me?
“Know anything about him? I don’t talk to the kid.” Shuichi questioned.
“I just find it a bit odd you’re both gone at the same time is all.” Kaede reached for Shuichi’s hands and held them in front of her, “I miss seeing you everyday. I know Kaito does too. You should come back to school tomorrow.”
“Maybe for you baby.” Shuichi leaned in and kissed Kaede.
“Well I have to go, I just wanted to make sure you were doing ok. I love you.” Kaede blew a kiss to Shuichi as she walked out of his door.
“I love you too Kaede!” Shuichi shouted back. I could see Shuichi quickly close the door behind her and come straight towards the closet I was in.
“Get up.” He commanded.
“O- ok Saihara-“ Shuichi pulled my arm up quickly to get me to my feet.
“What are you wearing, you know I don’t want there to be any trace of you here.” Shuichi took the shirt off of me.
“I sleep in your bed at night, I figured you wouldn’t mind-“
“Well you figured wrong. Get back to your place.”
“On the bed or the dresser-“
“Bed, all fours.” Shuichi turned around and grabbed what looked like a blindfold and a belt. I made my way through his messy room and got onto the bed.
Shuichi walked over to me and began to put the blindfold around my head.
“Shu what is this. I’m not sure I want to be blind with you right now.” I’m starting to worry a bit.
“Oh shush you’ll be fine. Get on your back.” I couldn’t see anything and was worried as to where this was going. He took my hands and tied them together with his belt. He then walked away for a second which caused me to be curious and sit up on the bed.
“God Ouma you never listen. I thought you would know better by now.” Shuichi aggressively pushed me back down onto the bed. He grabbed one of my arms which pulled the other one as well.
“Ow! What the fuck are you doing!?” I yelled and tried to pull away from his grip.
“The more you pull the more I want to hurt you. You belong to me and I’m going to make sure you know that.” Shuichi started to cut into my arm which earned him some cry’s and regret. Why am I here with him? Why haven’t I tried to leave yet? This isn’t healthy…
“There, it’s perfect!” Shuichi took the blind fold off and made me look at my arm that he ruined. Shuichi had cut into my arm and wrote “Saihara’s” in cuts. “Now you’ll always know who you belong to.” He said as though I should be happy about this. I could feel the tears going down my cheeks but I don’t think he cared.
“Awe you have such a pretty smile.” Shuichi grabbed my chin again and forced a smile upon my face.
“I hate you.” I managed to get out. I feel like I’m going to pass out. I need sleep.
“I love you too Ouma.” Shuichi cooed.
“I don’t want to be here anymore, can I go home? I’m sure my parents are worried sick about me. They don’t even know where I am.”
“You ask that like you have a choice in the matter. I keep you here for as long as I want, you’re my little toy.”
“I never signed up for this! I hate you! I wish I could never see your face again!” I screamed in his face.
“Well lucky for me you aren’t given the choice. However I’m going to give you a break.”
“Oh my hero.” I rolled my eyes.
Shuichi slapped my face, hard enough to leave a mark tomorrow, “Don’t get sassy with me, you’re lucky I’m letting you leave at all!”
“S-sorry Saihara.”
“I’m letting you go back to school tomorrow, I won’t be there so it won’t seem like we were together when we were gone.”
“Really!” My eyes lit up, I may not have had many but I missed my friends, I couldn’t wait to see them again!
“Yes but I'm not going to make it easy for you.” Shuichi leaned in and started to suck on my neck. This won't be too bad, I can hide this. He moved up a bit and made his way to my cheek. Not so easy, not sure how I can hide that. He then moved away and picked up a bloody knife, presumably the one he used before.
“Shuichi please-“
“Don’t call me Shuichi.” He held the knife up to my throat in a threatening manner.
“S-sorry but please d-don’t use that again.”
He held the knife to my other arm and slid it across quickly, cutting into my skin.
“Ow! Saihara please!” I pleaded with him.
“You’re fine, I have to make sure things aren’t easy for you.” Shuichi got up and left the room for a second.
I get to leave. I get to leave and go back to school and see my friends, my family. I can’t imagine how glad my mom will be to see me again. I can’t wait to see Maki again. Oh and Miu Iruma! They’re my main best friends. Although I sometimes talk to Rantaro Amani and Gonta Gokuhara as well. Shuichi made me leave my phone with him so I haven’t used it in the past few days. I don’t know if anyone has tried to talk to me at all.
Shuichi came back with some arm bandages and wrapped them around my arms.
“Why are you pretending to care?” I asked him. He untied my arms and smirked at me. “Of course I care sweet little Ouma, if I let you bleed out then who else would I mess with?”
“Good reasoning, makes me feel really special.”
“As you should. You’re my toy and that’s an honor.” Shuichi pushed me back onto the bed and flipped me onto my back. I heard the belt he had on unbuckle. Here we go again. “I have to use you while I still can sweetie.”
“You know I’m not going anywhere.” I replied.
“See this is what I mean Ouma, you can say you hate me all you want but you always come back.”
“Mm~ ah~” Shuichi stuck himself into me again.
“I love the noises you make in bed Ouma-Kun~” Shuichi whispered in my ear. Shuichi kept going until we both finished. At least he has the decency to wait for me. He left me on my stomach with my hands tied above my head and threw my clothes on top of me.
“Saihara I can’t really change myself like this.” I lifted my head up to say. I slid onto my back and sat up holding my arms out to him.
“Awe, but it’s so fun seeing you struggle.” Shuichi walked over to me and undid the belt around my wrists. He held the belt out like he was about to hit me. I hurried as fast as I could to get dressed. Shuichi pulled me up by my shirt collar and kissed me as though he really loved me.
“S-Saihara-“
“Shh you’re ruining the moment.” He pulled me back into the kiss. When we finally broke away from the kiss I asked him a question.
“Why do you tease me like that Saihara?”
“What do you mean, tease you?”
“You act as though you really care and love me but you also make it so clear you don’t.”
“I can’t care about a side hoe.” He rolled his eyes as though that was obvious.
“Is that what I am? I thought I was a toy.”
“Oh you are, but you’re definitely not at Kaede status. Nor will you ever be Kaede status. No one will ever know we fuck around like this. Got it.” Shuichi put his hands around my neck tightly.
“G-got it…”
“Now go home, I need to wash the smell of you out of my sheets.” Shuichi pushed me out of his room and snuck me outside.
I couldn’t believe it, I hadn’t been away from him in so long. Part of me already missed him even though I knew I shouldn’t. He’s not good for me. It took me a couple of stares from other pedestrians to remember that I had bandages all over my arms, a giant red mark on my cheek, and several probably large hickeys around my face and neck. Not to mention that I probably smelled like cheap cologne and sweat.
Shuichi gave me my phone back. I checked it on my walk home. I had several missed calls and tons of unanswered text messages. At least that means Shuichi never checked my phone. I decided to call my mom first before answering anything else. The phone ringing felt like a distant memory that I barely remembered. She picked up.
“Hey mom…”
Chapter 2: Back home and straight back to school
Kokichi’s POV
“No mom I’m fine! I promise!” People looked at me on the streets even more now as I was yelling into my phone.
“Kichi! I’ve been worried sick! You could have at least texte and said you’d be away from your phone!” My mother yelled back.
“I’m sorry! My phone died and I didn’t have a charger until just now, I’m on my way home so don’t worry about it anymore.”
“Are you ok? Where were you? Do your father and I need to watch over you more?”
“No no no! I was just at a friend's house. I wanted to text you but I couldn’t! I’ll give you more of a warning next time I promise!” I pleaded.
If my parents watched over me more they definitely wouldn’t let me stay with Shuichi so much. Not only do I not want to be away from Shuichi but he would get really mad and he can be scary when he’s mad.
The part of me that missed him grew more and more by the second. By the time I reached my house I longed for Shuichi so much I almost turned around. I knew I couldn’t, I told my mom I was on my way home already and Shuichi told me to leave. I took out my phone before entering my house and texted Shuichi.
K: hey
S: already? you really do love me
K: i do not! im just lonely
S: have you made it home yet?
K: yeah
S: good, enjoy your time away from me while you have it
K: yeah uh… you too
I stepped through my front door.
“Hey mom! I’m home!” I yelled running up our stairs to my room. I needed to cover up and shower before my mom saw me. “I’m gonna shower so you don’t need to wait for me!”
“Ok honey, we can talk when you’re done!” She yelled back from downstairs.
“Hey kiddo!” My dad came up behind me. Shit!
“Uh hey dad.” I turned around.
“Oh my! What happened to you! Are those hickeys?!” He held my face.
“Oh, I must’ve gotten a bruise from falling the other day.” I laughed it off.
“Falling? Are you ok?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”
My dad pulled me into a hug which didn’t last long.
“Well, I should let you go shower.” My dad laughed somewhat nervously.
“Yeah sorry, I’m kinda stinky. I’ll go now, bye dad!”
I ran to my room to get a change of clothes but when I got to the bathroom I looked in the mirror. It was hard to look at myself. I looked so beat up, like I just got jumped. I knew why but it felt wrong. I had to take the bandages off my arms to take a shower. Luckily we had some at my house as well so I could hide it from my family. We also had some big bandages which I could use to cover the hickey on my cheek.
I stepped into the shower feeling the warm water run through my hair and on my fragile skin. I felt like I could break at any moment and yet I wanted more. I wanted to be with Shuichi again even if I knew it would only hurt me. His name was etched into my skin. It felt so wrong but also so right. The water had a slight red tint to it as the blood washed off my arms. The soap stung into my arms. Though it felt nice to know I didn’t smell so bad anymore.
I brushed out my hand with my fingers and put on the new bandages. For some reason when I grabbed clothes to wear it didn’t register that I needed a long sleeve shirt preferably with a turtleneck, I grabbed an oversized t-shirt. I brushed my teeth and walked downstairs. Immediately I was met with my mom who hugged me tightly.
“Oh honey I missed you so so much!” She squeezed me tightly.
“Thanks mom I missed you too.” For the first time I felt glad I was home. I was much closer with my mom than I was my dad but they were both great parents to me. A little neglectful sure but that didn't bother me all that much, I like my space.
“What friend were you staying with?” She asked me.
“Rantaro’s.” I lied. I felt bad lying to her but she doesn’t know Shuichi.
“Oh, well I hope you had fun at least. I got calls saying you weren’t at school.”
“Yeah I’m sorry,” I scratched the back of my neck, “we skipped school this week but I’ll for sure be there tomorrow!”
“Good to hear kiddo!” She patted my back, “What’s with the bandages.”
“Oh uh, it covers up some bruises I got. Don’t worry though I just fell, nothing serious.” I trailed off.
“Oh good to know! I hope you’re ok, you know if anything’s going on you can tell me right? If you’re not comfortable with anything going on you can tell me.”
“I know mom!” Does she know I’m lying?
“Ok kiddo, you should get some rest before school tomorrow. I love you.” She kissed my forehead.
“I love you too mom! Goodnight.” I made my way upstairs and flopped onto my bed. I pulled my phone back out.
K: when are you coming back to school
S: not tomorrow
K: well do you know when
S: why is it so important
K: i just want to know when i can see you again
S: you already know we aren’t going to talk when we’re at school so don’t even dream about it
K: but
S: no, when we’re at school you don’t know me as anything other than a popular kid who tells you to kill yourself. ok? got it
K: :((
S: do you got that
K: yeah i got it
S: good i better not have to punish you
K: that’s kinky
S: be quiet
K: sorry
S: go to bed, you better be at school tomorrow, I’ll be asking Kaito or Kaede
K: how come you call them by their first name
S: you and i aren’t on a first name basis, just accept that
K: what if i want more than that
S: with me? you shouldn’t
K: but what if i do
S: do you want to be hurt like that, even if we were dating and you somehow reached Kaede status, you wouldn’t get treated well, things would be the same as they are now
K: i feel like i shouldn’t but i do
S: you’re insane
K: im sorry
S: go to bed
K: but i want to talk to you
S: go to bed
K: okkkk goodnight
He didn’t say goodnight back. I tried not to think about it and I went to bed. It was going to be a long night.
“Kichi! It’s time to wake up sweetie!” My mom yelled through my bedroom door. She slowly opened the door. “Kokichi it’s time to wake up.”
“I don’t wanna gooo.” I said as I grabbed my blankets and held them close to me.
“Sweetie you haven’t been to school in five days if you include the weekend, it’s Thursday now. Just go for the next two days ok?”
“Hngg fineeee.” I got up and out of bed.
I rushed to get ready for school, I would probably go anyway no matter what, I don’t want to make Shuichi mad at me. My mom took me to school like she did everyday. I get to see Maki and Miu, I’m somewhat excited.
We got to school but my mom looked more sad than normal, I guess she wanted more time before I left her again. To be fair she didn’t know when I’d come back. Immediately I saw Miu and ran up to her.
“Miu!” I jumped onto her back.
“Kokichi!” She kicked me off and turned around to give me a hug. “What happened?! You look like shit!”
“Thanks Miu, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”
“We missed you! Where the hell have you been?” Miu questioned.
“Well if I’m being completely honest I was told not to tell, we can talk about it later if you want. I mean you me and Maki.” I have full intention of telling them where I’ve been but not what I’ve been doing.
“Sweet! We can walk home with you if you want. Well I know I can at least.” Miu laughed.
“Where is Maki?”
“Don’t know, she’s usually here by now.”
“Weird.”
“Oh wait! That looks like her, but she’s… holding hands with someone?” Miu squinted to see Maki since she was far away. I turned around to see Maki holding hands with a tall purple haired man I knew all to well.
“K-Kaito?! Is t-that Kaito Momota?!” I stuttered.
“Jeez I didn’t know she was into douches.” Miu crossed her arms. Maki noticed Miu and waved but once she noticed me she looked to Kaito and started running towards us.
“Kokichi!” Maki hugged me.
“H-hi Maki.” I hugged back.
“We’re you holding hands with ‘the’ Kaito Momota?” Miu questioned. Kaito was also walking towards us.
“Yeah! We’ve actually been talking for a while now.” Maki looked really happy so it was hard not to be happy for her as well.
“Hey Maki, we should get to class.” Kaito put his hand on her shoulder, “nice hickey Ouma, where’d you get that one?”
I moved my turtle neck up and tried to cover it.
“No wayyyy does Kokichi Ouma have a hickey?!” Miu poked at my neck.
“Stop.” I pushed her hands away.
“Where did you get that?” Maki questioned.
“N-no where, please stop talking about it.” I said, with a hand behind my neck.
“Oh I’d that what you wanted to talk about later?” Miu asked.
“I- I can’t talk about it anymore. I have to get to class.” I walked away quickly.
“Oh he so has a secret side girlfriend.” Maki laughed.
“I don’t know man, I feel like he swings the other way.” Miu commented.
“You think?” Kaito asked suspiciously.
Chapter 3:
Kokichi’s POV
No one can know how I got the hickey on my neck. Unless of course I want Shuichi to hate me even more than he already does. I walked straight to class and put my head down on my desk.
“Well there’s a face I haven’t seen in a while.” Rantaro walked up and put his hand on my desk.
“Hey Amami.” I looked up to him.
“Oh shit, what happened to you Ouma?” Rantaro leaned down and grabbed my cheeks, “you look rough.”
“I’ve been told, I just need sleep. I’m fine.” I responded.
“I’m glad you’re back though.”
“Thanks. Oh hey, if you get a call from my mom can you tell her I was sleeping over at your house for the past few days?”
“Why, where were you really?”
“Can you just please tell her I was with you? I was told I’m not allowed to tell anyone where I was.”
“That’s suspicious-“ Rantaro got a text message, “no way.” Rantaro put his phone done and reached towards me.
“H-huh?”
“Woahhh…” Rantaro pulled down the neck of my shirt, exposing the hickey Shuichi gave me.
“S-stop it.” I pulled away from him.
“Who gave you that! I always thought you wouldn’t even have your first kiss until after college.” Rantaro laughed.
“It’s none of your business who gave me it. For all you know it could just be an oddly colored bruise.” I shot back.
“What’s under this?” Rantaro pulled on my bandaid on my face and saw the second hickey.
“Quit it!” I slapped his hand away.
“What kind of kinky shit are you into?!”
“Consent, it’s pretty sexy.” I glared at him. Not that Shuichi ever asked anyways.
“You got more hickeys on your arms too?” The end of my bandages were shown by my wrists.
“Please don’t ask about that…” I looked down and put my arms under my desk.
“Mr Amami, the bell rang, get in your seat.” Our teacher stood up, ready to teach her lesson.
“Sorry.” Rantaro walked over to his seat and left me alone for the rest of class.
Ever since Rantaro picked at my bandaid it’s been loose. It’s lunch time now, I sat by Miu, soon after Maki came as well with her new boyfriend.
“So ready to talk about where you got the hickey Ouma?” Kaito sat down.
“Will you all give it up already?” I put my head in my hands, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Can you tell me?” Miu leaned to me and whispered.
“Maybe later.” I crossed my arms and leaned down on the table.
“Are you not going to eat Kokichi?” Maki asked.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You should eat! You look pale.” Miu commented.
“I bet he got the hickey from his ~boyfriend~” Kaito teased.
“Will you shut up!” I fired back.
“Woah, I know Ouma didn't just tell me to shut up.” Kaito looked ready to pound me into the ground. For some reason I didn’t care as much as I should’ve.
“Hey, I’m sure he’s just going through something right now.” Maki calmed him down.
“You’re lucky kid.” Kaito glared at me.
“Do you still wanna meet up later after school?” Miu asked me.
“Sure, I’m not sure if I’ll tell you anymore but we can hangout if you want.” I replied.
“Maybe he’ll tell you about his secret boyfriend.” Kaito remarked.
“I don’t have a secret boyfriend dammit! Just let it go.” A few people around us looked at me.
“Oh hey I heard Saihara might be coming back today or tomorrow.” Maki commented.
“Really? I miss the man! I wonder what he’s been doing while he’s been gone.” Kaito pondered.
“Probably hurting innocent kids.” I whispered to myself. Miu looked at me but Maki and Kaito were too absorbed in their own world to notice.
“I have to go to the bathroom! Kokichi come with me!” Miu dragged me out into the hallway with her.
“What the fuck was that?!” Miu yelled at me.
“What was what?”
“Was it Saihara?! Was Saihara the one who gave you the hickey?! Have you been with Saihara this entire time?!”
“Be quiet. Do you even hear yourself? You sound ridiculous!” I yelled back.
“What’s on your wrists? Amani said he saw something earlier.”
“N-nothing.” Miu grabbed my arms and slid my sleeves up.
“What’s this?” She asked.
“Stop it.” Miu grabbed the end of the bandage on the arm that said ‘Saihara’ on it. “Miu stop it.”
“Why, if it’s nothing why can’t I see it.”
“Just, please. Stop it.” She continued. “Miu!” I tried to pull my arms away from her, or at least the one that had Shuichi’s name on it.
“Is that a letter? In your skin? Kokichi what did you do?”
“Stop it! Stop it stop it stop it!” She was too strong for me to pull away.
“What does it say? I see an A and… is that an R?”
“Miu please! I don’t want it to happen again.” I pleaded.
“There’s still more, I have to keep going.” Miu said as she unwrapped the rest of my arm. I fell to the ground and started crying holding my arm to my chest.
“Miu please just give me the bandage back.” I cried.
“I’ve gotten this far.” She pulled my arm and read it. “So it was Saihara… why’d you cut his name into your arm?” She threw the dirty bandages at me and gave me back my arm.
“I… I don’t know.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
“I don’t know Miu! I don’t know why I did it!”
“Did you do it?”
“Wha- what do you mean did I do it?”
“Were you the one who did it?”
“Of- of course it was me… who else would it have been.” I looked away, arm fully rebandaged.
“I’ve heard… things… about Saihara. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did it. Here, stand up.” Miu held out her hand to me. “Does the other arm say anything? Or am I going to have to figure that out myself?”
“It’s nothing I swear.” I started to unravel a bit of the bandage to back myself up.
“Ok I trust you, who put that on your arm? You never answered when I asked the first time.” Miu asked again.
“I did… no that’s not true. Saihara did it.” I looked away, “but I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone so don’t talk about it!” Miu looked a little nervous but her gaze wasn’t at me, it was behind me.
I felt someone come up behind me and pull me away from Miu, awfully aggressively might I add.
“You little shit!” I looked up to see Shuichi pulling me around a corner.
“Huh?”
“I told you not to tell anyone!” He pinned me against a locker.
“I-I didn’t I swear!”
“Clearly you did! Why did Kaito text me asking if I knew about you?!”
“I don’t know! I haven’t told anyone! I’m too afraid of you!”
“Funny,” he started to walk away from me for a bit before turning back around to face me, “just last night you were saying you missed me.” He walked away. Just like that he was already gone. Does that mean he’s back? Or did he just come to talk to me? No, that can’t be. He said he doesn’t care enough about me to give me any attention. I’m not special to him. Why do I want to be so bad?
“Kokichi?” Miu peaked around the corner, “you told him you missed him?” I pushed my back against the locker and began to cry again. Why did I miss him? Why did I want his attention so badly? All he does is hurt me.
“I don’t know Miu, I did last night. I feel like I’m attached to him.”
“I think that’s called Stockholm Syndrome Kokichi.” She sat on the ground next to me and put her arm around my shoulder.
“I can’t help it Miu! I just- there’s something- i don’t know.” I