“It’s suffocating,” It had been a while since he had last spoke, the alcohol having loosened his tongue. It burned his throat like iron, but he had grown far too used to the sensation. Fire danced in pale blue, the orange light casting dark shadows across his regal face.
“What is?” His companion asked softly, curiously. He had his own glass in his rough hands, but had barely taken a sip since receiving it. Green reflected back at him from the dark mauve mirror that was his wine.
Sirius exhaled, a derisive, sharp little thing that held more irritation than he openly showed, “This,” He blithely waved a hand at the crowd, lips thinned, “My home.”
“I thought I would be married by now,” He said sharply, glaring at his bourbon tinged reflection, “With maybe a kid and another on the way.”
“The war made it easy to forget,” He shook his head, pale fingers gripping his glass tight enough to break, “I was out constantly; only focused on proving my worth.”
“Yet now it’s ended, and I’m surrounded by people who succeeded in what I failed,” The look on Sirius’ face was severe, his tenor tinged with detestation.
“Romps in bars with random people is fine for the short while,” His lip curled when a couple beside him began to kiss as if they were the only two in the room, smiles on their lips every time they parted, “But I want something permanent. I want someone that I can call my own.”
The taller, more sober man went silent for a few tense minutes, “What’s stopping you?” He asked dimly, finally looking away from his own booze-y reflection.
Sirius laughed something dry, a harsh thing that didn’t sound anything like his once hearty bark, “You,” He spat, throwing his head and bourbon back. He slammed his glass on the table and pushed it away, the last of the spirit leaving a horrid taste along his tongue, “You’re what’s stopping me.”
“Me?” Remus looked incredulous, a far cry from the surliness he often presented with the animagus nowadays, “Why?”
“Because I’m still bloody in love with you,” It was meant to be shouted, something heated and growled and angry and dramatic, but all Sirius felt was resignation. His laugh was humorless, and his face was contrite, “And I’m not horrible enough to marry another when my heart remains elsewhere.”