Covetousness of Being Close
“I couldn’t.”
She uttered beneath her words, much like a whisper. It was unlikely, truly, rather unbelievable that she felt this way, it felt bittersweet. As if you bit into a cookie filled with raisins, almost sweet but rather disappointing — leave you wanting for the sugary pleasant one, one filled with chocolates, one everyone wants.
Violet laid back flat on her twin-sized bed as she longingly gazed at her porcelain white ceiling, scattered with glow-in-the-dark stars. Those stars jogged her memory of her childhood, memories she may never physically gather back. She missed it, she yearned for it, the sweet sounds of laughs with her best friend echoing about in room furnished with toy dolls and knick-knacks of beads, bracelets, journals, and galore.
That innocent moment that they shared, is something she may never gain back — soiled with the talks of boys, love, and whatever popular guy in their suburban neighborhood interests Patty.
Violet had never caught smitten of a guy, let alone be fascinated in them. Even below the ages of 12, she was rather disgusted at the mere thought of a boy being within her vicinity. She could never tune in with the talks of guys that would occur during lunch at their table filled with girls or sleepovers that wasn’t supposed to pivot around sappy high-school love.
She never really understood why Patty would easily catch interest with immature slimy high-school boys at their school.
The topic of puppy-love surely left Violet uninterested. As time grew, however, it left her frustrated. She had grown quite resentful over her own refusal towards boys, as she could never utter a word of interest, much like Patty.
She quickly switched her position, turning towards her blonde best friend with Patty’s two hands below her head, dozing eye to eye just inches to Violet, rather close enough to get a whiff of her floral perfume. Patty’s short hair splayed around her face as her green headband fell off, and an unfinished book report that’s yet to be written, ripped apart as she weighed it on with her waist.
Violet admired this view of Patty, every glimpse moment she caught of her asleep reminded her of their unchanging relationship as close friends, knowing what they have, could be considered permanent than the puppy-love every teenage girl dreams to attain, or at least — that’s what she’s convinced herself of.
The dark-haired girl lifted her finger to tuck Patty’s blonde hair away from her dozing face, getting a much better glance at her best friend as her eyes softened whilst she cupped Patty’s cheek. A smile crept in Violet’s face as she observed, she longed for more than just a bittersweet distance.
“I really couldn’t.”