James Barnes Has Enough (Marvel)
Barnes was so tired these days. Tired of fighting, of being used, of giving himself until there was nothing left. He only had one person he could rely on but he was beginning to understand that they weren't who he thought they were.
Steve had clung to him like he had back in the day and where he had found that behavior almost cute before, he now felt suffocated. He was never alone and he just needed to breathe.
He had slipped away from Steve when he had been distracted by a conversation with Sam. Barnes was now laying on his bed, weary and trying to pull his shit together. He wanted to fucking throw something when Steve burst into his room without knocking.
"Why did you slip away?" Steve asked, looking too much like a kicked puppy.
It used to amuse him, now he wanted to actually kick him. When had Steve ever thought about Barnes' needs? When had he ever actually listened to him instead of arguing?
"I wanted some time alone," he said quietly, trying to restrain any aggression lest he accidentally trigger Steve into being stubborn for the sake of it.
"What's wrong, Bucky? Have the triggers come back? I can -"
And it was that fucking line again. Every time he didn't align with what Steve thought he should be like, he always jumped to thinking Hydra was still messing with him. He sharply cut him off and growled, "No, Steve, the triggers are still gone. I just need some time alone."
He could see that mulish expression rise in his eyes and he met them head on, daring him to continue. Steve clenched a hand and opened his mouth but Barnes simply raised his eyebrow. Steve snapped his mouth shut and stiffly said, "fine." and left without closing the door.
Barnes sighed, running a hand over his face and got up to close the door. He was tired of this shit but he had no one else. He slumped against the door until he was sitting down on the floor. All Steve wanted was to live in the good ole days but Barnes could barely remember them, they were such a blur and he had lived far longer outside of that time than in it.
He brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face into them. Everything was wrong and he just wanted to forget, just for a moment.
At Stark's funeral, he appeared in the back in the shadows. He refused to intrude on Mrs. Stark, her daughter, and friends, it would be an insult to Anthony Edward Stark. Apparently, Steve had no such qualms and he clenched his fists at the fucking audacity the punk had. He knew the moment Mrs. Stark saw Steve, the somber mood around her turning into a guarded, hard mask. He appreciated that Happy Hogan had naturally picked up her tension and surveyed the area, eyes landing on Steve. He was too professional to let his hands anywhere near his firearm but he could see the pure want in his eyes to pull it out on him.
He could see that underneath her mask, Mrs. Stark was struggling to reign in her rage and grief. The extremis left in her veins flared up -eyes glowing for a moment and he could swear he felt the temperature in the air rise even from where he was. The tension bled out of Barnes when Sam tugged on Steve's arm to move away from what was left of Stark's family.
Mrs. Stark only let her mask go when they had left the vicinity. What he saw made him want to sink to his knees in front of her and her daughter, beg for forgiveness, give them anything he could, beg that he wished he could take Stark's place instead. She looked like she had gone a round of torture, her cheeks hollowed, her eyes dull of any spark. He didn't want to look at them anymore but he forced himself to. He was one of the reasons that they hadn't been ready for Thanos, Stark so concentrated on containing Steve and the Soldier, saving the Avengers from themselves that he hadn't had the capacity to find solutions. So he forced himself to take in every detail - Colonel Rhodes was wincing in pain, most likely from standing for hours in the braces, hands quietly shaking in emotional distress, eyes showing a soul that didn't know what to do without the person that had been such a part of him. Peter Parker with a too pale face, eyes closed not wanting to see what was in front of him, face downcast. Harley Keener with a furious expression on his face, his anger a shield from the pain of losing the man. And little Morgan Stark, eyes too old for someone so young, tears silently tracking down her face.
He did not tear his eyes away. This was the result of his failures and he would bear them. He could do nothing to bring Stark back.
He reevaluated that last thought a few days later 20 hours before it was planned to return the Stones.
Steve had been talking about Peggy for hours now and had begun to get on his nerves. He wanted some quiet, time to think and collect the pieces of him he was still struggling to find. And it suddenly hit him square in the chest why Steve was so much more excited to be talking about Peggy than usual.
The little shit was planning on staying in the past to get with the girl he was sweet on. Did Steve even realize that he could risk their victory, resulting in the sacrifices of Gamora, Romanoff, Stark being obsolete? He made himself take deep breaths and Steve put his hand on his shoulder in concern. He seemed to be saying words but Barnes felt like he was underwater, his voice far away. His skin crawled where Steve was touching him and he began to back away, slipping from his grasp.
"I - I need to check something. I'll be right back," he finally got out. Steve seemed to want to reach out again but Barnes had already fled from the vicinity, relieved when he did not follow. He needed to tell someone, now. Dr. Banner was here as well as Sam but neither were good options. One would insist for Steve not to do it but would not stop him, the other would just allow him to do what he wanted.
So, he found himself knocking on the front door of the Stark's residence, a place he swore he would not intrude on, but this was too crucial that he could not afford to second guess himself. The door opened and he was met with a gauntlet to the face, the whir of the technology indicating it was powering up to fire.
The burning extremis eyes of Mrs. Stark met his, there was no fear in them. If he was a lesser man, he'd be quailing in his shoes at her demeanor. He knew that the gauntlet wasn't an empty threat and knew what the energy beam was capable of (he specifically did not think of how much pain the unibeam made when Stark had blown off his old arm). She did not say anything, indicating she would not be the first to break under the tension. This is why she was both feared and awed - the woman was vicious in her own right and it was something that Barnes greatly respected.
"Steve cannot be the one to return the Stones- he will risk everything you've sacrificed," he steadily said in the face of the woman who could kill him with a flick of her hand. He did not say we because that would just be an insult.
She searched his face for deception and sincerity. She did not lower the gauntlet but her face dawned with disbelief, "It's Carter isn't it?"
Damn, the woman was good at knowing her adversaries. He nodded and she sighed, her unarmed hand rubbing her forehead in frustration, "Does that man not know when to stop? What am I asking, of course he doesn't. And Dr. Banner and Wilson wouldn't seriously consider stopping him so that means you'd have to fight him and need my assistance to make sure he didn't succeed in destroying the timeline. Fuck, hasn't he done enough?" - to me, to my family went unsaid.
They eyed each other for a moment, the gauntlet lowered to her side but Barnes did not move any closer. An idea had formed in his head since running away from Steve but it was something he wasn't sure Mrs. Stark would want, considering it would make them the ones that would destroy the timeline. But Barnes wasn't a good man; he was a man that wanted another to live that was dead. He carefully asked, "What would you do for him to have lived?"
How much does this timeline mean to you? Would you burn it for Stark? Let billions of lives turn to oblivion? Risk your friends and your daughter, who may never be born? Would you darken your soul for him? Let the blood of innocents drip from your hands? Are you willing to spill blood intentionally and without regret? Went unsaid but heard when she took a sharp intake of breath.
After a moment, she whispered with conviction, "Anything, everything."
He nodded, he did not doubt her. He turned away and said over his shoulder, "I will return soon."
She simply looked at him, face slightly open in thought. As he reached the end of her property she finally replied, "I will wait."
He smiled a grim thing to himself, it was a better answer than he thought he would receive.
Later, he was covered in blood that was not his own. His time as the Soldier had made him unfazed with the mess.