“Little do you know, how I’m breaking while your sound asleep” Remus whispered, that same, poisonous resentment needling its way back into his chest as he gazed at Sirius, sound asleep and breathing softly beside him. Remus felt a painful ache form somewhere deep inside him.
“little do you know, I’m still haunted by the memories” he whispered, quiet and unheard in the dark, he was still plagued by thoughts of that horrific bloody night. By the all consuming shattering off his own heart when he heard that Sirius, the person he loved and trusted more than anyone in the world, had betrayed him in the worst possible way.
“Little do you know I’m trynna pick myself up piece, by piece” he sighed, he didn’t regret giving Sirius another chance, he knew he was truly sorry and he also knew Sirius was not entirely to blame for the incident. But he was still trying to gather the pieces of his broken self all the same, piecing himself back together slowly but surely while still trying tramp down on the never ending hurt that tugged at his heart anytime he was close to Sirius.
“Little do you know I, need a little more time” he said, tears burning in his eyes, he needed more time to be close to Sirius again, to trust Sirius again, he didn’t know what to do anymore, after everything Sirius had been in a horrible mental state and Remus still shivered at the thought of what would have happened had he not found him on the Astronomy tower a few weeks ago.
“Underneath it all, I’m held captive by the hole inside” he sighed, tossing and turning onto his side, pressing the heels off his hands in his eyes as he resisted the overwhelming urge to cry. It was like he was trapped, trapped in his own body, of guilt and resentment and so much pain, he was trying so hard to fight it because he couldn’t loose Sirius. He realised too little too late that he was in danger of loosing himself without him.
“I’ve been holding back, for the fear that you might change your mind” he whispered, tears dripping down his cheeks and into the pillow he was laying on, he had been holding back, unintentionally. There were light, loving kisses and hugs of comfort and Padfoot had started coming with prongs and Wormtail on full moons again. But he had been withdrawn, enclosed in himself, every touch came with a sacred whisper in the back of his head, every kiss a promise that Remus feared would he broken again.
“I’m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight” he cried silently, tears unrelenting, his eyes were stinging and his whole body hurt, it all hurt so much. He had forgiven him and he didn’t regret it, but he couldn’t forget everything that happened, it was still there in the back of his head, making every insecurity he’d ever had grow into an uncontrollable, hollow pit of self loathing, and he didn’t know what to do anymore.
Remus suddenly felt a soft, cautious hand press lightly into his shoulder and he glanced up to see Sirius gazing down at him, silver eyes full of worry and concern. “Re .. love what’s wrong ?” He asked softly, his quiet, comforting voice only made Remus cry harder.
“Little do you know I, need a little more time” he cried, he felt as if his heart was cracking inside his body.
“I’ll wait .. I love you like I’ve never felt the pain” Sirius said softly with a small smile, pulling him close. He would wait a lifetime for Remus, he took away every bit of pain he had ever felt and Sirius hoped desperately that he would be able to help Remus heal after everything he had done. Remus rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder and Sirius dropped light kisses into his hair.
“The love you see is here to stay, so lay your head on me” he smiled softly, wiling Remus to relax and let out whatever he was feeling. He promised himself from the horrible day on that he would love Remus the way he deserved, that every feeling Remus had he would always respond to it by remembering how much he loved him.
“Little do you know, I know your hurting while I’m sound asleep” he whispered, running gentle fingers through his sunny curls as he cried quietly into his shoulder. He knew how much he had hurt Remus and he would spend the rest of his life trying to fix what he had broken.
“Little do you know all my mistakes are slowly drowning me” Sirius whispered, feeling tears stinging his eyes as he continued his gentle caresses in Remus’ hair, Remus was breathing shallowly against him and he was doing his best to calm him down. He was drowning in all the mistakes he’d made, for letting his own, selfish, impulsive reasons hurt Remus so badly.
“Little do you know I’m trynna make it better, piece by piece” he said, tears now dripping down his cheeks as he pressed his eyes shut, slowly but surely, he was piecing them back together, always taking Remus’ anger and sadness in his stride, being there for him when Remus allowed it and putting Remus’ feelings above his own.
Remus raised his head a little, gazing at him with a soft sort of understanding and Sirius gently cupped his face in both hands, kissing him lightly and relaxing when Remus melted into the embrace. “Little do you know I, I love you till the sun dies” he cried.
Remus nodded, holding Sirius close to him and Sirius reciprocated his actions, keeping him close and pressed against him in a comforting gesture. “I’ll wait” Remus whispered,
“I’ll wait” Sirius repeated with a small, shaky smile
“I love you like I’ve never felt the pain” They cried, pressing theirs foreheads to together as they found comfort in each others embrace, hearts hammering, hands wondering.
“I’ll wait, the love you see is here to stay” they repeated, eyes never leaving each other and clinging to each other desperately as if it’s the only thing that was stopping them from falling apart all together.
“So lay your head on me” Sirius whispered, his eyes shining as he let go of Remus momentarily before allowing him to fall back on the bed and snuggle his head into his chest. Remus complied, relaxing into his warm body and Sirius began running his fingers through his hair again, dotting kisses on to the top of his head.
“Cause little do you know i, I love you till the sun dies” he repeated, whispering to Remus in the most quiet, gentle voice, like a promise, like a prayer.
“I .. I love you .. I love you too Sirius” Remus responded, smiling, crying, breaking. Sirius pulled him close, heart hammering as their lips met. They stayed like that for a while, comforting each other with calming caresses and tentative touch, until sleep over took them and they slept in each others arms.