I have caused you to be haunted
During the first week, she was somehow able to completely avoid Remus. She was not seen during breakfast, lunch or dinner, it had been impossible to cross her on the hallways, and she seemed to have disappeared. But the students rambling about how delightful the Astronomy tower got since Professor Lua took over, was evidence enough to be certain. She was avoiding him at all costs.
And all Remus could do was replay the same conversation, over and over again searching for a piece of information that may have slipped. He must have said something terrible, didn't he? He was becoming gloomy and broody, a self-deprecating creature who crept around during his spare time instead of actually doing something to put an end to his misery. Sirius could not take it for much longer but all his attempts to convince his friend to confront her were futile, Remus was being what he liked to call ''a little bitch''. A weeny one, which was worse. That's why the dog got his own master plan to fix it or at least, do something about it.
Sirius always had a flare for dramatics and astronomy, he liked learning about the sky. The only reminiscence of the connection he once shared with his bloodline, with his born family. He carried the name of a star as a crown, something he was proud of, something he claimed as his. That's why Remus did not find it suspicious when the rebel insisted on visiting the Astronomy tower, a tradition from when they were younger, tender, and hopeful. In his school days, Remus stood there for countless hours, listening to Sirius bickering about which star would be more fitting for each Marauder, changing the story of the constellations to represent their little adventures and growing flustered when he did not succeed with finding a certain star. The memories were floating around his mind with each step, being certain that he would be the first one to arrive. His friends were known for always showing up late and, to be honest, he preferred it.
Their lateness gave him the perfect amount of solitude, something he craved from time to time. He enjoyed each step, the familiarity of the stones, the cold breeze caressing his skin till goosebumps threatened to appear. The night was clear, the moon was nowhere to be found and in the heights of the tower, Remus felt at peace. At least until he reached the last step, where he could see what used to be a familiar place and now felt...different. The students were over the moon about the few changes: a handmade wind chime made with shells, slowly dancing with the rhythm imposed by the wind, creating a delicate tune. The sweet floral smell came from the railing, decorated with moon flowers that bloomed each night. A painting, probably from the golden Mediterranean coast, reproducing the tides, and the dance of the waves on a summer night. He felt at ease. Because all those tiny details, from the pearlescence of the shells to the calmness of the sea, reminded him of her. It was ridiculous, to long for someone who did not share more than a few words with him but how twisted and capricious destiny could be. Perhaps cruelsome would be the appropriate word.
Certainly, it was. Destiny must have taken a toll on him because what were the odds? The sweet essence reaching his nose, the humming of a distracted woman whose voice could bring back to life any miserable creature, the moon was about to grace him with her presence and he was not ready. He looked the part: untamed, and dishevelled, a ghost pacing along the hallways would have more rizz than the pathetic mess standing in the middle of the Astronomy class. And for the disbelieving look on her face, she was not expecting visitors. Let alone him, of all people. She was wearing an oversized old cardigan that loosely fell over her shoulders, covering her frame and hiding any curve that could be of interest to him. Which of course, would be all of them. His attention was dragged almost automatically to her hair, recoiled in a disastrous bun, something intimate. He wondered how many people would have seen that version of her, the private and comfortable.
''Professor Lupin? Fancy seeing you here. I didn't take you for a man of the stars''. There it was, the coldness that followed him to his bed. It almost pained him.
'' I'm not. I came...'' The realization hit: Sirius. That was probably one of his ridiculous plans to have things his way and god forbid, Remus was gonna make him pay for that. But if only his mind had been able to focus on the counterattack, on revenge plotting or the bitterness of a friendly betrayal. He couldn't. Not with her expecting him to finish the sentence. ''I came to check if you are feeling unwell.''
''Unwell? Why? I'm not one to fall for the seasonal flu.''
'' You haven't been in the Great Hall for the past week. I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask, students talk quite a lot about you.''
'' Jealous much, professor Lupin?'' His eyes darted at her tone, almost whimsical. Almost playful. The silence grew louder with each second for he was not able to stop consuming her image with his eyes, he was eating her. He was burning her silhouette in his memory for the next absurd period of her absence, for the next great drought. Even bathed by the soft shadows of a nightly visit, even in a nightgown only covered by a worn-out cardigan, she left him breathless. Ill, sick with longing and desperation. Four words were enough to have him at her complete mercy and that was a dangerous game set for the wolf.
'' Why are you avoiding me, Catalina?'' The fact that he learned how to pronounce her name properly made her heart skip a beat. And he realised.
'' I'm not avoiding you, Remus.'' That was a half lie and both knew it, she was avoiding him. But instead of resorting to the lie, she offered a drop of truth. ''The conversation we had woke old ghosts that left me haunted and remorseful. That was not about house rivalry or the history of the wizarding world. Was about me clinging to a tragic boy whom I had lost. I loved him, I adored him, and if I was the moon he would be my brightest star. The only reason I accepted a job here instead of in Beauxbatons was to avoid this happening again, I had to hear it all. His loss, his pain, his loneliness, his desperation. He was young, terrified and trapped. He was a snake and for that, he was treated like an animal. His death meant nothing, for any side of this war.'' How could Remus have been so blind? It was not coldness that her voice distilled, it was agony. Melancholy. Her heart was leaking, cracking under his eyes, and he had dared to believe it was the offence that unsettled her. No, it was a very familiar and inescapable pain, the one he knew very well.
'' I'm sorry, Catalina. I truly am.'' And she believed him, for his voice was as soft as a velvet caress. ''We are too young to live haunted.''
'' We don't have a choice, do we? We can't choose who we love, and most definitely we can't choose how much or how deep our hearts can break.''
'' Have breakfast with me tomorrow. If I have caused you to be haunted, let me free you from your ghosts.''