Harry Potter and the Unauthorised Biography

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Gen
G
Harry Potter and the Unauthorised Biography
Summary
A disturbing twist on the “J.K. Rowling is Rita Skeeter” theory. Harry forces Rita Skeeter to reveal how she got all the information that she wrote in her seven-volume biography of him (written under the pseudonym J.K. Rowling). Rita turns out to have done it in such a way that Harry's therapist, Andromeda Tonks, is completely unaware that Rita has been listening in on their sessions for years.
Note
This fic is mostly canon-compliant with the books—not with the movies where they diverge from the books. So you have to have read all seven books in order to understand the events leading up to each chapter.
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Chapter 4

August 1993

While all the Weasleys except Mrs Weasley and Ginny were in Egypt, I was spying on Number Four, Privet Drive, where Harry lived with the Dursleys.  One day, I saw Harry come out and flag down the Knight Bus, a mode of transportation in the Wizarding world (albeit one that was sparingly used except by those who had no other options).  Harry was too young to Apparate at the time, so Andromeda told him to flag down the Knight Bus every week to come to her office in Hogsmeade. 

Andromeda’s new dog came up to Harry; she introduced the dog as Padfoot.

“Why didn’t you tell me you got a dog?  Can you take him out?” said Harry, standing up on a chair so Padfoot couldn’t get to him.  “He’s friendly,” said Andromeda.  “I just got him certified as a therapy dog.  Just put out your hand like this,” and she put out her hand so Padfoot could sniff it.  Reluctantly, Harry imitated her—and much to his pleasant surprise, Padfoot immediately licked Harry’s hand.  “He likes you,” said Andromeda.  “He’s very friendly.  How did you come to be so afraid of dogs?” “Because my Aunt Marge has trained hers to be aggressive toward me when she comes,” said Harry.  “She hardly ever comes to Privet Drive, so I hope I never have to see her again.” “I’ll send an owl to your aunt and uncle,” Andromeda said.  “Have them tell your Aunt Marge not to bring her dogs.”

Two days later, as I hung out in Andromeda’s office as a beetle, Andromeda got a reply to her letter.  Vernon said, “Marge has one dog who pines if he’s away from her.  She has to bring him.” Andromeda was visibly disappointed.

I presumed that Harry would take the Knight Bus every week, so I didn’t bother spying on the Dursleys anymore—until Harry told Andromeda that his Uncle Vernon’s sister Marge was visiting.  “The Dursleys force me to call her Aunt Marge,” Harry told Andromeda, “even though her brother Vernon is my uncle by marriage, so Aunt Marge isn’t directly related to me at all.  She has lots of bulldogs—she breeds them—but she only brings one with her–although Aunt Petunia wishes Aunt Marge wouldn’t bring her dog into the house, because the house gets dirtied by the dog.  Aunt Marge has taught the dog to be aggressive—not like Padfoot here.”  Padfoot, a large black dog who didn’t look like any particular breed, was Andromeda’s new therapy dog; she said she had just gotten him certified.  Padfoot was lying on Harry’s feet as Harry talked to Andromeda about a dog that was much more aggressive than Padfoot.  Even though Padfoot wasn’t supposed to be aggressive, he growled at the shelf that I was standing on top of as a beetle, the shelf where Andromeda keeps all the memories that she’s taken from her patients to view in her Pensieve.  “No growling, Padfoot,” said Andromeda.  “Sit…down…good boy,” and she gave him a treat after he lay down.

A few nights later, I sat on the Dursleys’ kitchen window sill as a beetle, as the Dursleys and Harry had their last dinner with Marge before she left.  I saw Harry blow up Aunt Marge, as you saw in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban .  I followed Harry outside; he said to himself, “I need to get to Diagon Alley, because I need to go to Gringotts and get some money for my new life…on the lam.” He flagged down the Knight Bus, as you saw in The Prisoner of Azkaban ; but here’s what you didn’t see.

After the Knight Bus left with Harry, I turned back into a human and Apparated right into the middle of Diagon Alley.  I then walked into the Leaky Cauldron pub, where then-Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge was saying into the fireplace, “Andromeda, can we talk?  I’m at the Leaky Cauldron.” “Sure we can, Minister,” Andromeda’s voice said.  “Ted?  Nymphadora?  I have to go meet the Minister at the Leaky Cauldron.” I heard Nymphadora’s voice saying in the background, “Is it about one of your clients?” “Yes, Miss Tonks.  It is about one of your mother’s clients,” replied Fudge. “Can you come now, please, Andromeda?  We have something we need to discuss before Harry gets here.” After Andromeda came to the Leaky Cauldron, Fudge said to her, “You have to understand just how dangerous it was for Harry to run away from home, Andromeda,” said Fudge, “but I think it’s best for Harry himself not to know.  Surely you’ve heard that the notorious criminal Sirius Black, who turned out to be one of You-Know-Who’s greatest allies, escaped from Azkaban?  Since he’s your cousin, I’d be worried about you helping him if your husband wasn’t Muggle-born—because Sirius obviously believes in pure-blood supremacy.  If he’s anything like your sister Bellatrix—which undoubtedly he is—he’d kill your husband if he got the chance.”

“All right, I won’t tell Harry,” said Andromeda.  “But what is he supposed to do?” “When he gets here, we need to take him back home,” said Fudge. “We detected magic that was done at the Dursley house tonight—Harry blew up his uncle’s sister Marge.  I’ve sent some members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad to take care of it—but I’ll write to Mr and Mrs Dursley and tell them never to invite Marge to their house again while Harry is there.  We can’t afford to have any Muggles be accidentally exposed to our world, as you know, because of the International Statute of Secrecy.” “Can’t he stay here for the rest of the summer, as long as he stays in Diagon Alley and doesn’t go into the Muggle world?” Andromeda suggested.  “He ran away from the Dursleys’ house for a reason.  They probably want him gone forever after what he did to Marge—they were never happy about adopting him to begin with.  Perhaps you should ask Dumbledore why he forced the Dursleys to adopt Harry.  I have evidence that he made a mistake there—if you like, I can take you to my office and show you Harry’s memories of abuse by the Dursleys in my Pensieve.” “The Dursleys can be talked into taking Harry back—but you’re right, they’ll never agree to it right now after what just happened,” said Fudge.  “Tom?  Do you have any rooms free at the moment?” he asked the owner of the Leaky Cauldron.  “Yes, I do.  Room eleven’s free.”  “And I need a private parlour in which to talk to Harry when he gets here…” continued Fudge, at which point we heard a loud BANG outside.  Andromeda opened the door and saw Harry getting off the Knight Bus, with the conductor Stan Shunpike carrying Harry’s trunk into the Leaky Cauldron for him.

In The Prisoner of Azkaban , you saw the conversation that Harry and Fudge had after Harry arrived at the Leaky Cauldron—during which Harry found out, much to his pleasant surprise, that he wouldn’t be punished by the Ministry for what he did to Aunt Marge.  Andromeda must have been relieved that Fudge didn’t mention Sirius Black, because it saved her from having to reveal to Harry that Sirius was her cousin.

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