Chapter 1
Harry Potter and the Unauthorized Biography
By J.K. Rowling (otherwise known as Rita Skeeter)
22 July 2007
Andromeda Tonks walked into Flourish and Blotts during launch night for my new book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows; Andromeda saw me signing copies of the book. She stopped me, took me into a private room, cast the Muffliato charm on it, said angrily, “You’re J.K. Rowling? I was wondering how she got all this information about Harry. He’s a patient of mine, and I’ll get in serious trouble if anyone thinks I told you all the information I have on him. You know I’m bound by confidentiality. I’m the only family that my grandson Teddy has left, at least by blood—and he’ll probably be taken away from me if I suffer the disgrace of anyone thinking I revealed all this information. I’m sure that Harry and Ginny would gladly take Teddy if Harry thought I had willingly revealed all the information in your books.” She threw some Floo powder into the fireplace and shouted, “The Potter house!” Andromeda told me, “Harry has a right to know what you did.” She then stepped into the fireplace and disappeared.
When she came back with Harry, he angrily said, “You have to put me in contact with J.K. Rowling, so I can let her know that I definitely did not authorize the publication of my story.” Andromeda told Harry, “This is J.K. Rowling. Rita Skeeter was writing under that pseudonym all along.” We got into such a fierce shouting match–during which I barely noticed Andromeda leaving Flourish and Blotts briefly–that I needed a drink of water–which I didn’t know was laced with Veritaserum by Andromeda, who also activated my Quick-Quotes Quill. Evidently she had gotten the Veritaserum from a potions shop elsewhere in Diagon Alley; it was expensive, but it must have been worth it to her to expose me.
First off, I told Harry that “J.K. Rowling” was actually my pseudonym. I didn’t want to reveal in my books how Harry and Andromeda already knew each other when I introduced Andromeda in book 7–even if Muggle readers think my books are fiction, the books would never have been so successful if they knew I’d listened in on Harry’s therapy sessions, even if such a thing only happened in the context of a fictional story. I didn’t think Harry himself would be so desperate for revenge–I took advantage of the fact that he had no living family who would take care of me for him. As to how I listened in on Harry’s therapy sessions, Harry didn’t know that I was there, in my beetle form , for every one of them (I’m an Animagus); I Apparated into Andromeda’s office, transformed into my Beetle form and stayed there for a week. Once I found out what day of the week Harry’s therapy sessions were, I’d transform into my human form, Apparate into Andromeda’s office–a room she’s renting in the Hog’s Head inn–before she got there. I would then transform into a beetle, again before Andromeda came into her office. After Andromeda’s meeting with Harry was over, I flew up to the window and acted like I was desperate to get out–so Andromeda, not knowing who this strange beetle was, opened the window to let me out.
Harry just asked me, “How did you know I was seeing Andromeda to begin with?” So I’m going to explain that both to him and to you, the reader.
1991-1992 School Year
I wanted to find out everything I could about the Boy who Lived, so I could publish a biography of him and hopefully make a lot of money. For the few scenes in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone that didn’t involve Hermione, I snuck into the Weasley home (the Burrow) in my beetle form when Molly, Arthur, and Ginny (the latter of whom was not yet old enough to go to Hogwarts at that point) were asleep. After turning back into a human, I read Ron’s weekly letters to his parents, sent using a school owl as the Weasley family owl, Errol, was too old to travel long distances on a regular basis. That’s how I found out what Ron and Harry were up to before they became friends with Hermione. I also went to the dental practice owned by Dr and Mrs Granger; one day, as they walked into their office, Mrs Granger said, “It’s a really good thing that Hermione is seeing that therapist Andromeda to help her with her OCD. I wasn’t sure what level of mental healthcare the Wizarding world had.” I hung around Andromeda’s office until I found out what day of the week Hermione’s therapy sessions were, and I listened in on them every week thereafter—until Harry himself started seeing Andromeda.
August 1992
In my beetle form, starting when Harry came home in the summer of 1992, I spied on the Dursley household, the Muggle household in which Harry was raised. So I saw everything that led up to Harry’s uncle Vernon locking him in his room; when Harry’s friends, the Weasley siblings (well, three of them, anyway; there are seven altogether) came in a flying car to rescue him, I flew behind the flying car as a beetle, and followed it to the Burrow–the Weasley home, which I flew into through an open window.
In the present, Harry said to me, “Wow, Rita, you really abused your Animagus ability. The Ministry needs to do a better job of detecting unregistered Animagi–some of them might have been nice, like Sirius, but it would’ve been worth having him get in trouble for being an unregistered Animagus if the same thing happened to all such people–especially people like you.”
Back in the past, Ron said to his mother, “[The Dursleys] were starving [Harry], Mum!” Mrs Weasley was furious that Ron and his brothers had risked violating the International Statute of Secrecy–and risked their lives–by stealing their father’s flying car. “Did the Dursleys mistreat you in any other way, Harry?” asked Mrs Weasley. Harry didn’t answer her question, but Mrs. Weasley said, “I need you to tell me the truth. I promise it’ll be good for you. It might even get you away from the Dursleys for good.” Harry still didn’t answer. Mrs. Weasley said, “Let’s talk about this later. Right now, you all need to eat–especially you, Harry, from the sounds of it.”
After breakfast, Mrs. Weasley sent Ron, Fred, and George out to degnome the garden. Harry went with them; after everyone was outside, Mrs. Weasley said to her husband, “I don’t know where else to turn, Arthur. I suspect that Harry is being abused by the Dursleys, but he won’t tell me anything. Andromeda really helped me through my grief after Gideon and Fabian were killed. She says she made an Unbreakable Vow to the Ministry of Magic when she got her therapy licence, that she wouldn’t reveal any information about her clients to anyone outside their family, unless there’s abuse going on. I’m sure she won’t be breaking her Vow if she tells us what she finds out about any abuse that Harry has experienced—especially as it was our family that rescued him from his abusive home. She can tell us what to do to get Harry away from the Dursleys permanently.”” Mrs Weasley threw some Floo powder onto the fire and shouted into it, “The Hog’s Head!” Aberforth Dumbledore, the owner of the Hog’s Head pub, sent his voice through the fireplace at the Burrow, saying, “Molly! Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?” “Not to you, no,” said Mrs Weasley. “Andromeda will be more helpful. Can you go get her?” “I’ll catch her after her session is over.” “I need to talk to her now,” said Mrs Weasley. “Harry and my sons will only be out for so long de-gnoming the garden. I don’t want Harry to know that I’m talking to Andromeda, even though he’ll need to know eventually.”
Aberforth must have gone to get Andromeda immediately afterwards, because she then Apparated right in front of the Burrow. Mrs Weasley said, “I need to talk with you about Harry Potter. He won’t tell me anything about how the Dursleys treat him–I only heard from one of my sons, Ron, that the Dursleys were starving him when Ron, Fred, and George came to rescue him. I don’t approve of the way they did it–taking a flying car that Arthur will surely get in trouble for having, if the Ministry finds out–you won’t tell anyone, will you?” “No, I’m bound by confidentiality,” Andromeda said, “unless someone’s life is in danger.” “I think that’s true of Harry. I fed him a good breakfast, but I hate to think whether the Dursleys would have starved him to death if no one had come to rescue him. I want you to meet with Harry after the boys get in from de-gnoming the garden, and try and see if you can get him to tell you more than he told me about how the Dursleys treat him.” “All right, I’ll do that,” said Andromeda. “Send Harry to my office whenever you’re ready. Tell him it’s a room in the Hog’s Head inn, so he’ll need to come in through the fireplace at the pub.” “Thank you, Andromeda,” said Mrs Weasley; with that, Andromeda Disapparated.
I then flew out the window of the Burrow, transformed back into a human out of sight of any of the Weasleys, Apparated to Hogsmeade, turned back into a beetle, and flew around the Hog’s Head. I looked in the window of every room of the inn, until I saw Andromeda in one of the rooms. I waited for her to go outside so I could Apparate into her office (as a human) and transform back into a beetle before she came back inside. Thankfully, Andromeda went downstairs, presumably to meet Harry and show him where her office was; at this point, I came down, transformed back into a human, Apparated into Andromeda’s office, and turned back into a beetle. As Andromeda opened her door, I heard her telling Harry, “Just tell Aberforth that you’re here to see Andi–the other customers don’t know that that’s what my cousin Sirius used to call me. And that diminutive sounds so gender-neutral, they’ll think there’s a guy named Andy–whose real name is Andrew–staying in one of the other rooms. I’ve always had a hard time believing what Sirius did…the worst of which was…well, anyway, I want to talk to you about your home life.”
“Were you starved by the Dursleys before Ron and his brothers came to rescue you?” Andromeda asked Harry. “Yes,” said Harry. “They didn’t even give me–or even Hedwig–anything but canned soup, which wasn’t at all filling. In fact, after eating it, I felt even hungrier than I had before the soup.” “Have they mistreated you in any other ways?” asked Andromeda. “Umm…” said Harry. He didn’t speak for a long time. “You know, I can show you how to take out some of your memories with your wand,” Andromeda suggested. “If you don’t feel like talking to me, this might be a bit more comfortable for you.” Harry got out his wand, and Andromeda said, “You put your wand to your temple, and concentrate on the memory that you want me to see. This might be your chance to cut off contact with the Dursleys for good.” So Harry did what Andromeda told him to do; Andromeda got a bottle off a shelf in her office, and told Harry to point his wand toward it after he finished pulling out the memories he wanted. He did as she asked, and then she poured the memory into her Pensieve; she said, “I’ll look at this after you leave. I’ll come back to the Burrow if I need to talk to you again during the summer, and if I need to contact you during the school year, I’ll send my head into the Gryffindor common room fire.”
After Andromeda was done seeing all her other patients, she put Harry’s memories into the Pensieve; I followed her in, still in my beetle form. Both Andromeda and I couldn’t believe what we saw: a great many scenes of Harry’s uncle Vernon throwing him into a cupboard under the stairs, as well as another scene wherein Vernon grabbed Harry (and to my surprise, also grabbed Vernon’s own son Dudley)by the scruff of their necks when Harry demanded to see a letter that I immediately recognised as a Hogwarts acceptance letter–and so, it seemed, did Andromeda. The biggest shock was what Andromeda and I saw after that: a scene of Petunia hitting Harry on the head with a frying pan. Andromeda was completely shocked by this. She said, “Sirius, I really wish you hadn’t killed all those people and gotten yourself sent to Azkaban. I would never have believed it of you. But if you hadn’t done what you did–or betrayed the Potter family–you’d be a much better guardian for Harry than his Muggle aunt and uncle are.” To herself, she said, “But then again, Sirius was thrown into Azkaban without a trial. I might want to go to the Ministry and ask Barty Crouch–who was the Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the time–how he can be sure that Sirius is actually guilty." Even for me, it took a lot of self-control for me not to transform back into a human and express my shock to Andromeda at everything we had just seen. But I followed Andromeda out of the Pensieve and back into her office. Andromeda noticed a strange beetle flying around and tried to shoo it out the window; however, I hung around until she left the office, and then flew back inside and down to the pub. Andromeda threw some Floo powder into the fire and said, “The Burrow!”
I flew back outside through Andromeda’s office window, transformed back into a human, and Apparated back to the Burrow; luckily, there was an open window through which I could fly in without being right behind Andromeda. Andromeda said to Mrs. Weasley, “I showed Harry how to take out his memories so I could put them in my Pensieve. Molly, you might find it helpful to come to my office and see Harry’s memories for yourself.” “I’ve got household business to take care of,” said Mrs. Weasley, “but once Arthur is home and all the children are asleep, I’ll meet you in your office.” “Okay, I’ll go to my own house to let Nymphadora and Ted know that I’ll be working late,” said Andromeda. “Who are you talking to, Mrs Weasley?” asked Harry as he came in from the kitchen. “I’m talking to Andromeda, the therapist you just saw,” Mrs Weasley explained. “It’s good that you’re here, Harry,” Andromeda said. “You can talk to me about anything. We should see each other once a week starting today–come by my office at the same time next week, and every week after, as you came today.” “Why should I trust you, if I can’t even trust Professor Dumbledore to take me away from the Dursleys?” asked Harry. “Because I’m a victim of abuse myself, from my whole family, just because of who I married,” I explained. “My whole family was furious that I married my husband Ted, because he’s Muggle-born…” “…so is my best friend Hermione!” said Harry. “You should meet her sometime—just not in our sessions.” “So you are willing to come and see me once a week?” asked Andromeda, “If Mrs Weasley wants me to, I will,” said Harry. “But you have to make an effort, or else I can’t help you,” Andromeda said. “Why was your family so upset about you marrying a Muggle-born, anyway?" asked Harry. "You wouldn’t disown any of your sons if one of them ended up married to Hermione, would you, Mrs. Weasley?” “I wouldn’t even have a problem if Ginny ended up with Hermione!” Mrs. Weasley replied. Andromeda explained, “My family are all pure-bloods. They prefer to only marry other pure-bloods, but I broke that tradition, much to their fury. I was burned off the family tree for it.”
“Okay, Andromeda,” said Harry, “I really feel like I can trust you. You know what it’s like to be hated by your family because of who you are–because of something about yourself that you really can’t help, no matter what your family thinks.” “It really speaks volumes that you–a patient who I only just started seeing–are more accepting of my marriage than my own family was,” said Andromeda. “Although my cousin Sirius didn’t mind–he was the only one in the family to be sorted into any house but Slytherin. He’s the last living member of my family, and he’s in Azkaban…although I am thinking of going to the Ministry and seeing whether he really should be there. You wouldn’t believe how inhumane it is. I’ve helped other people recover from the trauma of being there.” “I’ll see you next week, Andromeda,” said Harry.