Chapter 13
August passed in a haze of lazy summer days and the impending stress of results day coming ever closer. Every spare minute Draco got when he wasn’t doing something his mind wandered to the impending release of results. Luckily though, Harry was becoming more and more amicable by the day, and so Draco had one more person to talk to on the farm, one more person to distract him from the stress and anxiety.
In fact, Harry had been more than amicable. It made the four am starts so much more bearable knowing that he would spend each morning with a Harry that was cheerful and jocular, rather than silent and sullen. The change in Harry was also a massive relief for Remus and Sirius, who seemed more relaxed now that there wasn’t a bit of a dark cloud in any room Harry and Draco were in together. All in all, the atmosphere of the farm was generally lighter than it had ever been in the three weeks after Harry’s birthday.
He was awoken by Sirius on the day of a-level results, which was an unusual occurrence. It was also seven am, which was too late for farm work, and too early for lie in days.
“They come out at 8 so we thought we’d let you sleep, and have some breakfast, and then that’s enough time to set up the computer with your school email. Okay?” Sirius asked and anxiety hit Draco like a freight train. For all his confidence in the weeks before, he was suddenly exceptionally nervous. Until Sirius had reminded him, he had actually forgotten what day it was, and now he felt sick, with a knot in his stomach, and his skin felt too hot all over.
Sirius gave him a sympathetic look before limping back to the house- he hadn’t brought his cane with him, and it looked like a ‘bad joint’ day as Remus referred to them. Draco pulled a fleece over his pyjamas and followed Sirius into the house. Laid out on the table were many, many scones, and Draco suspected Ron was helping with the farm that day.
Sirius seemed to realise Draco was very stressed and didn’t try and engage him in much conversation, simply letting Draco alternate between eating slowly and biting his lip in uneasy anticipation. All too soon, it was 7:55, and Sirius and Draco made their way up the stairs, Sirius going slowly. Draco wondered why they didn’t move the computer to the living room to make it easier for him. Anything to distract himself from what was waiting in the study.
Draco sat in the office chair with Sirius leaning on it behind him, and with shaking hands he logged into his school email and refreshed it periodically until the notification reading ‘Malfoy, Draco. Results’ came though. Taking a deep, shaky breath, Draco opened the email. He heard Sirius yell behind him before he fully registered what he saw on the screen before him.
“Two A*’s and an A! That’s amazing, Draco. That’s fantastic!” Sirius said, planting his hands on Draco’s shoulders. Draco was shaking, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt and his eyes were tearing up slightly. He felt proud of himself, knowing Sirius was proud of him. It was a good feeling. It was a bloody amazing feeling.
When they returned downstairs, Remus and Harry were waiting in the kitchen, both looking tense. Before Draco could say anything, Sirius was behind him shouting “crack open the champagne Remus! Draco did fantastically!”
Remus’ face broke out into a grin, and when Draco sat down next to Harry he felt the other boy clap him on the shoulder. Remus did indeed get a bottle of champagne and four glasses from the fridge.
They were about halfway through the bottle when the landline rang. Sirius ushered Draco over to pick it up, and Draco nearly cried when he heard his mother’s voice on the other end of the line. It was somehow stuck on speakerphone, so everyone else could hear, but Draco didn’t mind so much, it was just nice to hear his mum again.
“Draco, darling, we're so proud of you! Aren’t we Lucius- no, Lucius, of course we’re proud of him. No, I won’t give you the phone yet darling. I want to speak to my son a bit- oh, alright. Draco, your father wants to speak to you.”
Draco’s good mood immediately plummeted.
“Draco. What is the meaning of this? An A? Did you really expect me to be proud of an A? It’s a disappointment, not something to be celebrated. This is a thoroughly upsetting set of results, and I hope you’re ashamed of yourself. If resits weren’t for comprehensive students then I’d have half a mind to make you retake it. There’s no going to Oxford for you now, boy. You’ve thrown your whole future away. In fact-”
Draco hung up. He turned his back to the table so he couldn’t see the no-doubt pitying looks of the others, and he ran back to the cottage, hot tears streaming down his face. He had been away for so long he had forgotten how cruel his father was, how heartless and unloving. He felt the conversation settle like a knife in his chest cavity.
He was curled up on the bed, eyes red but no longer crying, dried tear tracks on his cheeks when there was a tentative knock on the door.
“It’s Sirius. Tell me to fuck off if you want, but I guess I thought you might want to talk to someone who understands”
Draco sighed. He didn’t want to talk, but he didn’t want to be alone. He dragged himself up and let Sirius in. Sirius sat on one end of the sofa, and disregarding all proprietary Draco curled up on the sofa with his head in Sirius’ lap.
“Remus and I are really proud of you Draco” Sirius said quietly, running a paternal hand over Draco’s hair, and the tears started anew. He felt so small. He hated that even hundreds of miles away his father was still able to make him feel so worthless.
“If I’d known he was that bad I would’ve tried to get you out earlier” Sirius murmured, talking more to himself than Draco.
“D-don’t” he choked out. It felt even worse to think about how things might have been better in the past if he had found Sirius- or if Sirius had found him- years earlier.
Sirius said nothing but started running his fingers through Draco’s hair softly, squeezing his shoulder with the other hand in silent apology and understanding. Draco breathed in shakily, trying to stop the tears. His father didn’t deserve his tears, as Pansy always told him. He was always allowed to cry, but never to waste tears on Lucius. He kept her words going round his head like a mantra as he regulated his breathing.
“I hate him.” Draco whispered, wiping away the tears with his fingers.
“I can’t believe your mother managed to find likely the only man out there just as bad as us.” Sirius said and Draco smiled weakly.
“I don’t want to go back there” Draco said, speaking into existence a feeling he’d been feeling even before he left.
“This cottage is yours, Draco, okay? If you want, Remus can take you on an ikea trip and you can re-decorate it entirely to your tastes. New furniture, new paint on the walls, anything.” Sirius said, and it was all Draco could do not to cry again.
“Really?” he rasped, sitting up.
“Of course. Anything you want” Sirius repeated, stretching his legs out in front of him with a wince.
“I don’t think I’d really change anything. Maybe some different sheets, and possibly a little kettle and tea set? And a cupboard for biscuits so I can snack in here?”
“That’s a stupidly obvious idea. God, I can’t believe we didn’t do that ahead of your arrival. One tea set and kettle, coming right up. In fact, we’ll get a mini fridge, so you can keep perishables and milk in here too” Sirius said, grinning, and Draco smiled again, for the first time in a few hours.
“Remus has gone into the village to get takeaway pizza for dinner. Do you want to take twenty minutes then come back up to the house?” Sirius asked, just the right side of gentle so as not to sound condescending. Draco sniffed and nodded, before standing to help Sirius stand, and seeing him out the door.
Draco then washed his face in freezing water to de-puff his eyes, before having a luxuriously hot shower. He attempted to plait his hair the way Pansy taught him but he looked a mess and gave up, putting it in a bun. He then dressed in his comfiest clothes and trekked over to the farmhouse, where Harry and Sirius were setting up the ancient tv in the sitting room to prepare to watch a film.
Harry gave him a warm smile but didn’t say anything, and then when Remus arrived with food, Harry got his pizza and sat next to Draco and placed a hand on Draco’s leg, giving his knee a brief squeeze. Draco appreciated the gesture for what it was, and appreciated that Harry didn’t try and talk to him about it. Remus smiled at him kindly like he always did, and Draco had never felt more at home.
They watched the film My Family and Other Animals, which apparently Harry had loved as a young boy, and Draco really liked it. It was the definition of ‘feel good’, and really helped him relax and feel a bit better. Harry’s warm, solid body next to him also made him feel a bit better. Draco was half asleep by the time the film had finished, but it was still somewhat early, and so Remus and Sirius put on a second film, one that Draco didn’t know, which didn’t matter, because he was fast asleep in the first ten minutes.
The next thing he knew he was cold, really cold. As he came out of sleep, he realised he wasn’t walking, but bouncing against someone’s chest. He lifted his head from the shoulder it was resting on and realised that- oh, good god- Harry was carrying him back to the cottage. Draco was jolted fully awake by the realisation and Harry tightened his grip in response to Draco’s moving. He smelled of the jasmine tea he had been drinking.
“Sirius didn’t want t’wake ya” Harry said, and Draco could feel the vibrations of his voice in his chest and he nearly melted.
“We’re nearly there anyway, might as well stay put” Harry continued, and not one to let an opportunity pass him by, Draco lay his head back on Harry’s shoulder and relaxed into the wonderfully unexpected end of such an emotionally draining day.
When they got to the cottage-not that it was a long walk- Draco had expected Harry to drop him and leave him at the door. Instead, Harry walked inside and dropped Draco onto the bed. Harry then murmured a soft goodnight and quietly left. Draco felt so good he had forgotten all about the call with his father.
Waking up the next morning, uni felt like a terrifying reality. Draco realised with clarity that in only a few weeks, he would be leaving the farm entirely and would find himself for the second time in four months in a new environment surrounded by people he didn’t know. Cold anxiety washed over him, and even the lingering warmth of being carried to bed could do nothing to soothe him. Uni had seemed like such a good idea but now he just really, really didn’t want to leave.
He spilled all this to Sirius that afternoon, having spent all morning distracted and worried.
“Draco. You don’t have to go if you really don’t want. You can defer, or withdraw entirely. But, you did really want this, and these nerves are normal. There’s a coach that goes from the university to the small town of Godric’s Hollow, that stops in Hogsmeade. If you wanted, you could come down every weekend. You can walk from Hogsmeade or get one of us to pick you up. We’re only about an hour and a half away” Sirius said, soothing and reassuring. Draco nodded, already feeling better.
“You’re sure? I won't be a burden, like financially? I realise I don’t even know if my parents are paying you to have me here”
“Of course I’m sure. Remus and I will support whatever you want to do. Financially, I have a stupidly large inheritance tucked away, and the farm makes more money than you probably realise. Every afternoon, when you’re here with me or back in your cottage you miss Remus taking the gallons of milk to a small local factory about a forty minute drive away, where they turn all the milk into fancy artisanal cheeses that the rich people in the cities buy constantly. And at shearing times, the wool gets made into jumpers that get sold in villages around here. The work you do here is paying us back more than enough, not that we’d ever expect that of you.” Sirius explained, and Draco instantaneously felt better.
“I’ll think about it. I knew I wanted to go for a reason. I’m just a bit scared, and talking to my father never makes me feel confident about decisions I’ve made” Draco confessed.
“I can understand that all too well. Take your time, if you go, you’re not due to move in until the 20th of september, but if you do decide to go I recommend applying for accommodation now. I can help you with that today, if you want. You’ll also have to apply for student finance, which will cover your tuition and living costs.” Sirius said, and Draco nodded, a bit dazed because he had forgotten all about the fact that he had to apply for halls and wasn’t just allocated a room somewhere. Sirius heaved himself off the sofa and the two of them made the somewhat slow ascent up the stairs to the study.
There, Draco was overwhelmed with his options, but eventually found a few student accommodations that had ensuite rooms and were self-catered, so he applied to those and just desperately hoped he would get a nice one. They then applied for student finance, and Draco was crestfallen to realise that the maintenance loan wouldn’t cover the cost of rent and day-to-day essentials like food when he was there. When he complained about this, Sirius smiled slightly, but said nothing.
Feeling a bit more relaxed after doing those applications and being reassured by Sirius, Draco went back to the cottage to read a bit before dinner. When he got to dinner a few hours later, a large envelope was lying on his plate.
“What’s this?” he asked Remus before opening it. When he did open it, it was full of twenty-pound notes. Hundreds of pounds worth of them.
“What is this?” he asked, astounded.
“Wages for the past four-ish months of part-time farm work” Sirius said, grinning.
“Oh, no I couldn’t possibly-” Draco started to say but Remus cut him off.
“We were always going t’give it you, but we figured we’d do it when you left, so you’d have a tidy sum of your own money to take back t'London, but instead we thought you could use it t'cover uni costs. We’ll keep paying you for the work you do until you leave, course, and again when you come back for holidays and the like”
“This is too much, Sirius, Remus please-” Draco continued to protest, but then Harry said in an amused voice “Just take it, they won’t say no for an answer” and Draco shut up, grinning at the money in his hands. It felt like freedom, knowing that he would never have to go back to his father again for financial security.
“Can I leave it with you? Until I leave?” he asked, and Sirius nodded as Remus reached over and gently took the envelope, laying it on the table beside him. All throughout the meal Draco kept looking at it, and couldn’t stop a smile from spreading over his face.