Chapter 7
The end of June came in the ensuing weeks. Draco witnessed Ron and Harry have a seemingly uncomfortable conversation from the window of his cottage, but this time he heard none of it. It didn't take a genius to guess it was about Ginny, though. Afterwards, the two boys seemed completely fine with each other, which brightened Harry up. He had seemed weighed down in the aftermath of the ‘Ginny debacle’ as Sirius jokingly called it, and having Ron still on his side seemed to help.
Draco also saw his body changing as he steadily gained weight and muscle, what with the work he was doing and the hearty British fare he was eating. There was a full roast with trimmings every Sunday, more often than not with the whole Weasley clan, and his arms were getting stronger as his waist got a little thicker, alongside his thighs.
It felt good to change, to know he was working hard and accomplishing things, and eating well. He felt more like a man with every passing day, which was something he hadn't expected to find joy in.
He and Harry hadn't had a proper conversation since their first in the sitting room after Sirius had gone, but Harry soon went back to the cool indifference of before, and Draco felt a fool for ever wishing that Harry would want to be his friend. In fact, it almost felt as if Harry was putting even more distance between them, as if regretting ever having a real conversation with Draco.
It was now only a few days until his birthday, and though he dearly missed his mother he was glad he wasn’t celebrating 19 in the presence of his father. Draco had recently begun to think that there were a multitude of reasons for his being sent to this farm. Not least because he had refused to apply to Oxford University, where his father, grandfather, great grandfather etc. had all attended.
He had actually refused to apply to any university, yet another grave sin in his father’s eyes. He had called it a gap year to appease his father but he didn’t know if he ever wanted to go to uni. He knew he was young and such a decision should be taken less lightly, but with every week spent on the farm, the idea of Draco claiming the cottage as his own and staying for the next few years- longer, even- got more and more appealing.
He missed London, of course he did. But the more he thought about it the parts of London he missed were his mother, Pansy, and the city itself. He missed the shops and the freedom and the anonymity, but he was starting to realise that maybe being known and liked was a nicer alternative. And two people weren’t enough to convince him to return. If he had more friends, maybe, or if he cared for his family more he might be harder to persuade but really, London was just a train ride away, and staying here didn’t mean he would never go back.
Then, there was also the matter of his education. He had always seen himself going to uni; his father had given him no other choice, and whilst he loved to learn, he had no career in mind for himself, nor did he really know which course he wanted to do. He had thought about applying for English, or maybe French, but the more time he spent away from studying, the less the idea of studying more appealed to him.
The day before his birthday, he discussed this all with Sirius over scones Molly had brought round, with homemade jam and tea. Sirius looked pensive as he took in what Draco was saying.
“I’m afraid I can’t help much, and I can’t say I’m enamoured with the idea of Lucius banging down my door claiming that I’ve kidnapped his son, but I would love for you to stay with us.” Sirius said, before pausing, opening his mouth, shutting it, and opening it again.
“Have you considered applying to the University of York? It’s not very far away from here. If you wanted, you could come back most weekends and for holidays.”
Draco could have kicked himself, of course. England was full of universities, of course there would be one close by, should he wish to go.
“I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. I’ll look into it, thank you” Draco said earnestly, wanting to fling his arms around Sirius. In just a few short weeks, Sirius had become to Draco the father he had never had, and now Draco had somewhere to direct all the pent up affection he had once held for his own father.
“And remember, you can go whenever. I had a friend who went to uni aged twenty six. There’s no age limit on these things” Sirius reminded him, reaching for another scone.
“Now, onto more exciting matters. I hear someone’s turning nineteen very soon.” Sirius said, eyes glinting.
Draco awoke the morning of his birthday naturally, which meant that he had been allowed to lie in as a birthday gift, rather than being awoken at an ungodly hour of the morning. He got up, dressed and walked over to the big house for some breakfast. He felt surprisingly happy given it was his first birthday without his mother, and opened the front door with a spring in his step.
He found Sirius and Harry sitting at the table as he came in and sat down. They smiled at him and wished him a happy birthday, and Sirius shoved a plate of scones and a card at him. The card was from his mother, and he smiled so wide his cheeks ached. He noticed the lack of a card from his father but chose to ignore it.
“Where’s Remus?” he asked when he had finished eating, surprised as Remus had never once missed a meal since Draco had been there.
“He had to pick something up from the village, he should be back soon. He’s sorry to miss your birthday breakfast” Sirius said. “And I hope you don’t mind, but we’ve taken the liberty of organising a little celebratory get together for tonight? I don’t know how you usually celebrate your birthday and you never mentioned anything but we didn't want to let it pass unmarked” he continued and Draco’s grin split his face apart.
“I think that’s the nicest thing anyones ever done for me” he said, and he saw the look that was equal parts happiness and equal parts pity that Sirius gave him.
“Well as it’s your birthday you have no farm duties today. Unfortunately I have some accounts that need going over so if you don’t mind returning to the cottage for a little while?” Sirius asked, looking apologetic. Draco was so focussed on this that he missed Harry smirking a little into his mug of tea.
“That's fine, I need to shower anyway. Thank you so much” Draco said, and almost skipped back to his cottage. They had organised a party for him! He couldn't remember feeling happier, even if he barely knew anyone who would be attending.
He took an extra long luxurious shower, and was just settling into his armchair with a book when he heard a knock on the door to his cottage. He opened the door and standing on the doorstep was Pansy, who immediately launched herself into his arms. Due to the extra muscle he had gained doing farm work he caught her, barely stumbling, and gripped her tight to his chest, her legs wrapped around his hips.
“What the fuck are you doing here, you bitch?” he asked, laughing as she squeezed her thighs even tighter around his abdomen.
“Where did you get all this muscle you hunk? God you’re like my dream man now” Pansy said when she untucked her face from his neck.
“Happy Birthday!!!” she screamed at him, kissing his cheeks in rapid succession.
“It’s so good to see you, Pans” Draco said, squeezing her tighter and burying his face in her neck this time, breathing in the scent of vanilla and lavender that he was so accustomed to. It was only then when he looked up did he realise that Remus and Sirius were standing by the door to his cottage too. He set Pansy down but wrapped an arm around her waist, wanting to keep her close still and turned to Sirius.
“Did you do this?” he asked.
“It was Remus’ idea, actually, I just helped him with it” Sirius said and then Draco was jogging over to them and wrapping his arms around Remus’ solid chest. Strong arms wrapped around his back for a moment before he stepped back again.
“Thank you, so much” he said to the two men, who laughed.
“We’ll leave youse two to it, aye? Harry’ll get youse for lunch” Remus said, holding his elbow out for Sirius to hold on to as they walked back to the farmhouse. Draco and Pansy scarpered into the cottage and collapsed onto the sofa. Pansy immediately swung her legs over his and he was transported back to hours spent in her bedroom, the two of them tangled up on top of the covers of her bed, talking about nothing and everything; discussing which boys they found attractive, complaining about their parents, the like.
God, he had missed her.
The two of them sat on the sofa entirely absorbed in each other for hours. Pansy told him about how she had spent her first part of a-level summer, which included a lot of lazing about the house and a girls trip to Cornwall with some of her friends from school.
In turn, Draco told her about the farm, about how kind Sirius had been, how at home he felt there. He spoke of how nice it was to see role models in Remus and Sirius, and of course, he spoke about how fit Harry was. The latter was done in hushed tones, their heads bent close together with lots of giggling breaks. Draco loved being with Pansy, she was a safe space for him and he always felt like he was fifteen again around her.
She gave him his gift, a handmade scrap-book of photos of them together, their favourite memories, inside jokes and the like. It was filled with little notes of love and stickers and Draco may have shed a tear or two as he went through it.
After what must have been hours but didn’t at all feel like long enough, there was another knock on the door.
“Is that him?” Pansy whispered in Draco’s ear. Draco grinned and nodded as he walked over to open the door for Harry.
“You must be Pansy. Nice t’meet you” Harry said from the doorway, nodding at Pansy. Draco felt her hand clutch at his, her painted nails digging into his palm; their silent way of saying ‘oh my god he’s fit’ that they had been using since about age fourteen. Draco squeezed back to agree as he pulled her through the front door and after Harry as he walked ahead of them back to the big house.
When Harry entered, Pansy tugged Draco’s arm so they both hung back.
“Oh my god??” she said, looking at Draco with wide eyes and gesturing into the doorway Harry just disappeared through.
“I know” replied Draco, grinning at her taken-aback expression, and pulling her into the kitchen. For the upteenth time that day, he smiled so hard his cheeks hurt when he saw a cake stood in the middle of the table.
“Molly made it” Sirius said from where he was sitting down, his cane resting against the table beside him.
“You’ll see her later, thank her then” Remus said, placing plates of homemade quiche and salad in front of everyone, before sitting next to Sirius, who immediately shifted closer to him on the bench.
The food was delicious, and Pansy said so several times, much to Remus’ and Sirius’s amusement. Draco was just so happy to have her there to spend his birthday with, and he kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye to remind himself that he wasn’t dreaming, this wasn’t one of their sporadic texts he could send or receive whenever he found signal in the blasted countryside, but she was actually there, her short-clad thigh pressed against his trouser-clad one, her elbow knocking his as they ate.
After lunch (and copious amounts of cake), Draco took her on a tour of the farm, avoiding the fields with the cows and pigs, because he didn’t trust himself alone with them yet, but he led her through the throngs of sheep, and showed her the barns, and the chickens, and the wide stretching fields.
He then took her all the way to the copse of apple trees, and the two of them lay stretched out in the shade next to it, basking in the early-July sun. they talked through Draco’s options, and Pansy said that he should stay here just so she could visit and drool over Harry, and though she was joking Draco knew it was her way of expressing support for him if he chose to deviate from the traditional path, and he loved her for it. Knowing had her support warmed him more than the sun ever could.
Soon, Pansy fell asleep, the balmy summer air and stillness lulling her into a gentle doze, and Draco lay, head pillowed on his hands as he stared at the blue expanse of the sky. He was startled when he heard heavy footsteps and looked up to see Harry walking towards the apple trees. Draco waved when Harry looked over, and to his surprise, Harry changed course and started walking over to them.
When he got close enough, Draco put a finger to his lips and pointed to Pansy, whose head was lolling on Draco’s thigh as she breathed softly and deeply. Harry grinned and nodded his understanding. His glasses were smudged and greasy, and the sunlight glinted off of them in a way that shouldn’t have been endearing.
Harry flopped onto the grass next to Draco, mirroring him by pillowing his head on his hands.
“Good birthday so far?” Harry asked, bringing a hand from behind his head to nudge his glasses up his nose.
“Yeah. Having Pansy here is the best thing ever” Draco responded, smiling, happily aware of the comforting weight of her head on his thigh. “I hadn’t even realised how much I missed her. It’ll kill me to see her go again” he sighed, suddenly realising that he couldn’t keep Pansy in this little idyll he had found, that she would be returning to London the very next day.
“Don’t think about tha” Harry said, his eyes and voice kind as he looked at Draco.
“Just focus on her being here now. I can leave youse, if you want more time with her?” he asked, and Draco was shocked at the apparent consideration. Harry seemed to really dislike Draco, and he had never struck Draco as being a particularly kind person. Nice, maybe, but not kind.
“It’s okay. She’s asleep anyway” Draco said, really hoping Harry would stay and let Draco bask in this kind mood a little longer, until it inevitably disappeared, and Harry turned back to being more distant; colder, as he always was.
Harry couldn’t be considerate. If he turned out to be kind, Draco would never be able to drag himself away from this. Not that he wanted to now, with Harry’s green eyes boring into Draco from behind his glasses, his dark skin glowing in the midday sun, such a contrast from Draco’s alabaster. Draco wanted to keep this moment forever.
“Who’s coming tonight?” Draco asked, desperate to be talking to Harry.
“Same people who came after Saint Dunstan’s day, and Percy. He’s another Weasley but he works in the city and only comes home for the summer. That's alright with you?”
“Yeah. No ones ever organised me a party before, other than my mum when I was maybe five” Draco said, turning slightly so he could face Harry more without disturbing Pansy’s nap.
“I can also appreciate it’s hard to spend your birthday with people you barely know” Harry replied, and Draco thought he maybe looked a bit guilty, as if it was his fault, though Draco supposed it kind of was. Harry definitely could have made more of an effort to include Draco in his little group.
“I know Sirius” Draco replied simply, and watched Harry’s brow furrow, guilt flashing across his face.
“Ron, ‘Mione and I are going to this open air cinema thing in the village in a few days if you want t’come?” Harry asked, casting his eyes back to the sky.
“I don’t need your pity, Harry. You don’t have to like me, it’s fine” said Draco gently, lowering a hand to run it through Pansy’s hair.
“No it isn't pity its-” Harry trailed off, cursing under his breath and sitting up.
“I’m sorry for being a dick at the beginning, but Sirius’ family are t’worst and I just couldn’t understand why he’d let one of youse stay with us, yeah? And you came and you were so posh and shit and I just, I didn’t like you”
“Yeah I guessed that” Draco said dryly, feeling like he had the upper hand for the first time in weeks.
“Reet. reet, so this isn't pity this is me making up for my behaviour, and trying to start over. And also because Sirius, Remus and Hermione all told me to get me ‘ead out me arse” Harry said, laughing uncomfortably.
“Again, Harry. You don’t have to do this because other people told you to. That feels almost worse, actually” Draco said, smiling pityingly when Harry’s whole face dropped. He felt Pansy’s hand cover his and knew that she was awake and listening.
“Ah, fuck” Harry said, lying back down. “I’m sorry, Draco”
“Let’s just leave it there, yeah?” Draco said, and Harry nodded and got up, walking away with his shoulders slumped.
“You handled that very maturely. Who are you and what did you do with my best friend?” Pansy joked, her face turning serious when Draco turned to face her, a strained expression on his face belying his inner hurt.
“Oh, come on my love” Pansy said, shuffling up until Draco could rest his head on her shoulder, and now it was her turn to run her hands through Draco’s hair, which was almost long enough to be tied in a bun now, given that he hadn't had it cut since arriving at the farm. Pansy said as much, and said she’d leave him a pack of her hair bands. Draco snorted a laugh into her neck and said she could braid it.
Pansy squealed and ushered Draco to sit between her legs as she kneeled and started combing her fingers through it. It was more relaxing than Draco expected, and he relaxed into the feeling of gentle feelings against his scalp. It hurt a bit when she started to tug the strands into place, but a good kind of hurt, that didn't disrupt his relaxation. He couldn't think of a better way to spend his birthday.
Soon, they trudged back to Draco’s cottage, hands held and swinging between them as Pansy talked animatedly about the party later. Draco had to keep reminding her there were only three other young people there really, as well as Ginny but things between her and Harry had been frosty at best in recent times.
Still though, little could dim Pansy’s excitement, and he humoured her as they walked.
Draco waited in the living room for Pansy to emerge from his bedroom, which she had commandeered to get ready in. He was in his levis, and a soft cotton t-shirt his mum had bought him about a year ago. At Pansy’s behest, he had kept his hair in the braid she had put it in, and he tugged on the end as he waited for her.
Eventually she emerged, and she looked lovely. Her sleek bob was pinned back on one side with golden kirby grips, and her dress was a long floaty affair. It was a pure white with broderie anglaise, and she looked a little bit like an angel.
“You look beautiful, Pans” Draco said, taking her hand and twirling her round.
“And you look like you’ve made no effort,” she replied. Looking disapprovingly at his outfit.
“Last time I wore my normal clothes I got laughed at. I’m not subjecting myself to that again” Draco replied, forcing a grin as he remembered the embarrassment he felt on his first morning here.
“So long as you’re comfortable darling” Pansy said, smoothing a hand down his chest.
No sooner had she finished talking then came a knock at the door. Remus stood outside, in a smart-looking short sleeved button down that was at least a size and a half too big.
“Sirius cordially invites you t’pre-party drinks at t’farm house. Ron’s here, helping Harry bring the table outside” he said, motioning to the house behind him.
“That's a very pretty dress lass” he said as Pansy stepped out of the cottage behind Draco and Draco smiled as she blushed. She had always been quite insecure, and sincere compliments still managed to throw her a bit.
She slid her hand back into his as they walked back to the house, passing Harry who was carrying one of the benches for the table. He glanced at Draco, grimaced a bit and then ducked his head again. Draco wasn't sure what to make of his reaction and he saw Remus frown at Harry too.
Shaking it off, determined to enjoy the end of his birthday, Draco tugged Pansy into the kitchen where Sirius was standing, leaning against the kitchen counter with a wine bottle in hand. Upon arrival, Remus, Draco and Pansy were all handed thin-stemmed crystal wine glasses and Sirius poured them each a hefty amount, giving Draco the most.
Harry and Ron came and went two more times, for the table and the other bench, and while Ron was cheery and earnestly wished Draco a happy birthday, Harry was studiously avoiding looking at him. Draco sighed internally. If that was how Harry wanted to play it, so be it. Draco was over it already, not that there was really anything to be ‘over’, but as much as he was aware that Harry was attractive, he utterly refused to play cat-and-mouse with someone that would blow hot and cold and pity him. And frankly, at almost twenty years old, Harry shouldn’t have to be told by others when he was acting in a stupid manner.
Pushing it to the back of his mind, Draco drank his wine and chatted with the others until Ron popped his head in to tell them that everyone else was outside and waiting.
Someone had hung some lanterns, which glowed a comforting orange in the summer night as Draco and Pansy followed Sirius and Remus out of the house and to the big table.
Draco sat down near the middle, and was immediately flanked by Pansy and Hermione. Judging from Hermione’s overly effervescent demeanour and the disapproving looks she kept giving Harry, Draco assumed that Harry had told her of their conversation and she was trying to prove that she had liked Draco all along. Which, to be fair, she had.
Speaking of Harry, he was sitting a little ways down looking very ashamed of himself between Ron and Sirius. Remus was sitting opposite him and was giving him as many assessing looks as Hermione was glowers. Vindictively happy about this, Draco basked in the attention of Pansy and Hermione, and Charlie who was sitting directly opposite, and he was very glad to note that Pansy and Hermione seemed to get on very well.
The night passed in much the same fashion, with the addition of more of the heavenly spiced cider, many bottles of wine and lots and lots of Molly’s cake. Draco had an amazing time, despite the fact that he only truly knew one person in attendance, but given that Hermione, the adults and most of the older Weasley brothers had gone out of their way to make him feel welcome, the party didn't feel disjointed or strange to him.
And anyway, he had Pansy. What more could he want? Especially with her and Hermione getting on so well, and him fitting so seamlessly into that. It was nice. Really, really nice.
When everyone was getting up to leave, Hermione reached up on her tippy-toes and pulled him into a tight hug. She didn't let go for a long time, instead whispering in his ear; “I really want you to come to the film with us, but I know you might not want to now and I’m sorry. He’s an idiot who has never really understood other people’s feelings. If you don’t mind, I would quite like to come and hang out in your cottage sometime, just us?”
Draco squeezed her even tighter and said “yes, of course you can come and spend time with me, I would love that” Into her hair. She then released him and he looked down and said “it’s probably a no on the film, but I really appreciate your invite”
He heard a soft intake of breath behind him and assumed Harry must have heard. ‘Serves him right’ Draco thought, finally stepping away from Hermione, allowing her to hug Pansy. Eventually everyone had left, and Harry and Remus were taking the table back inside. Draco and Pansy returned to the cottage and discussed everyone quietly as they got undressed then into pyjamas and climbed into bed.
Pansy immediately turned her back to him and curled up, indicating that she wanted him to mirror her position behind her, and he did, tucking his knees behind her knees and wrapping an arm around her stomach.
“It's really nice here” she whispered into the darkness.
“Yeah, it is,” Draco whispered back, his fingers drawing shapes onto her t-shirt above where her belly-button was.
“Apart from Harry” she whispered, tangling her feet with his. Draco snorted into her hair.
“Yeah, apart from him. Hermione more than made up for it tonight though” he replied.
Pansy yawned and said “you’re not allowed to replace me with her” in a sleepy voice.
“I could never, Pans. you’re my everything” he said, kissing the top of her head. She hummed and within five minutes her breathing indicated that she was fast asleep.