5
The knock on his door is unexpected.
James frowns as he gets up, opening the door just a crack before he realizes its Regulus.
“Hey honey.”
“Later today, I’m going to be coming into your room,” Regulus starts, nervously reaching up to the nasal cannula tubes and starts his tapping pattern. “I’ll be dressed in scrubs and everything to avoid as many germs and such as possible.”
“Alright, just let me stay and watch you do your thing, and we have a deal.”
Regulus gives him a look. James smiles.
“I need you to wipe down everything, and I mean everything. Spray fucking everything, clean, make this easy for me, James.” Regulus mumbles. “And I’ll need you and Sirius as lookouts.”
“Lookouts? So, like me and Sirius would be like, spies for a bit?” James says, a childish playful feel bubbling up inside of him.
Regulus shrugs, looking painfully annoyed. “Yeah, sure, however you wanna see it. But I need you to look out for Doctor McGonagall and Poppy.”
“Yeah sure, look out for Minnie and Poppy, I got it.”
“Okay.” Regulus says before turning around and walking off. But he stops at the last minute, turning back around to face James.
“Forgot something?” James asks, tapping a finger to his cheek. Regulus recoils in disgust.
“Forgot something, yes. But not that…” Regulus mutters, eyeing him weirdly. “I need you to get a new, clean regimen from McGonagall or Poppy. I won’t be able to do this until I see that treatment plan, James.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll go get it, don’t worry.” James says, waving him off. “Go do your thing.”
Regulus gives him a look before turning around and leaving.
James rakes a hand through his hair, looking around the hallway. He should probably go and get that regimen now before he forgets. Because, unlike Regulus thinks, James does want to go through with this. If it helps Regulus, then James will do it. No complaints.
He quickly grabs his bag and a mask, clips on his nasal cannula and walks out, heading down the hallway. If anything, Minnie will most likely be hanging around the nurse station. Most likely with Poppy. He has his suspicions between the two of them, but he finds it rude to ask. Maybe they’ll be obvious about it and James will finally get his answer.
Turning the corner, he instantly sees Minnie with her tied up hair and small glasses along with her obnoxious white coat. James keeps telling Minnie she would look better in red, but she just won’t budge. He’ll have to find another way to convince her.
He walks straight up to her, a grin planted on his face, forgetting he has a mask on.
“Hi Minnie.”
“Mr. Potter.” She responds, not looking up from the binder she's inspecting.
“Can I ask a very quick question?” James asks. “Also love the bracelet, it really makes your eyes pop.”
She sighs, finally looking up at him. “What do you need?”
“A new regimen. I seem to have misplaced it in my room.”
“Misplaced it? Have you checked the bin?”
James laughs. Oh, Minnie can be funny sometimes.
“I have. It’s not there.” James says, shrugging. “So, can I have a new one?”
Minnie looks at him before shaking her head and flipping through the binder. Finally, she reaches a page and pulls out a paper from a laminated pocket. She hands it to him. James looks it over. A clean regimen, just like Regulus asked.
“Thanks Minnie, owe you my life.” He says, turning on his heel and walking back to his room. He pulls out his phone, sending Sirius a quick summary of everything Regulus told him. Then, he swipes over to his other contacts and brings his phone to his ear.
“Petey! You in town this weekend?”
-
“We’re gonna be great lookouts.”
Sirius honestly thinks this plan is crazy. There’s no way this is going to work. How could it work? They’ve all tried to be sneaky before and they’ve all been caught. No matter how sneaky and clever they are.
He’s been put in charge of lookout. That’s the only good part of the plan. Sirius is buzzing. He’s got his mask and oxygen tank along with his skateboard. He knew this would someday come in handy at the hospital. Now, if anything, he’ll go and distract Minnie or Poppy by falling, maybe even fake a broken bone if it helps their cause. Whatever he needs to do to earn the ‘Incredible, Would Hired, Lookout’ title.
“Hey Peter.” James says as he walks over.
Sirius hasn’t seen Peter since the night before the first day of Hogwarts. He looks tired as ever and Sirius can’t imagine the amount of homework waiting for him when he gets back. It’s going to be a fucking nightmare.
“What’re you doing here?” Sirius asks.
“Planning to go shit in your pillowcase and then leave.” Peter responds, shrugging. Sirius flips him off.
Regulus joins them shortly after, maintaining a distance between them all. He glares at Peter.
“Why’s he here?”
“I invited him.” James says proudly.
Sirius snorts.
“Why?”
“Because we need all hands on deck.” James and Peter nudge each other’s shoulders.
Regulus furrows his brows. He sighs before nodding. “Okay, whatever.”
“I used to be a Scout, I could do the scout salute to show my support.”
“Please…don’t.” Regulus cringes. He shakes his head. “Okay, listen. Poppy hasn’t clocked in yet, so it’s just Minnie we have to worry about. I saw her enter a room one hallway over.”
“So, we’re basically fucked?” Sirius asks. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“No.” Regulus doesn’t even look over at Sirius. “James, you’ll stay by the door. Peter, I guess you can go stand by the entrance doors. Make sure Poppy doesn’t walk in. I don’t know when her shift starts. Sirius, patrol this hallway and the end of the one Minnie’s in right now.”
“Should we keep our phones on ourselves?” Peter asks.
“How else would we alert each other, dipshit?” Regulus snaps, giving him a look.
James stifles a laugh. Regulus narrows his eyes, grabbing his mask from under his chin and putting it on.
“I’ll be back, I need to go change.” Regulus says, turning to walk to his room.
Sirius looks into his bag, searching for a mask. Must have used his last one since there’s nothing but his oxygen tank, some old candy wrappers and crumbs. He tsks before turning to get one from his room.
As he turns, his body crashes into another. At first, he thinks it’s Regulus and Sirius quickly pulls away, heart beating rapidly fast. But, when he gets his focus back, he notices it is in fact, not Regulus.
“Shit, sorry.” The guy says, blinking at Sirius.
Sirius swallows, mouth going unreasonably dry. “No, you’re fine. That was all me.”
The guy looks oddly familiar, but Sirius can’t pinpoint it. He squints at him. He knows this guy from somewhere but where? He’s got tousled dirty blonde hair and a jumper on with jeans. He’s wearing a mask so Sirius can’t directly see his face.
Regulus appears back. “Oh yeah, this is Remus. He’s also, uh, helping.”
That’s when it hits Sirius. Remus was the visitor who stayed after visiting hours. He was the boy in the uniform.
“Hi.” Sirius says, feeling incredibly awkward.
“Hi.” Remus copies, tucking his hands into his pockets.
“Sirius.” He points to himself in a dumb way. He cringes at himself.
Remus, though, seems to find it amusing. He copies the gesture Sirius did. “Remus.”
“Yeah, I know. Just heard my brother announce you.”
“What’s up with the skateboard?”
Sirius blinks. Skateboard? He looks down. Oh yeah.
“Helping out with being a lookout.” Sirius says, cheeks heating up with embarrassment. “I’m gonna patrol this hallway and I thought I could, y’know, skateboard around. Maybe form an accident if needed for more time.”
Remus chuckles. “Okay. Seems fun.”
“Yeah.”
Sirius blinks at him, feeling very foggy in the head. He doesn’t know if he should say something or if he should just keep awkwardly staring at him. Maybe staring is better. That way Sirius doesn’t say something stupid. But it’s just awkward staring. Maybe he should say something. But, what?
“I need a mask.” He blurts out. Yeah, okay that works.
“I have one. Want it?” Remus says, pulling a mask out of his pocket. “It’s new, promise.”
“Yeah, okay.” He grabs at it, fingers trembling.
For some reason, he feels winded, as though he just collapsed on ice right on his back. Is he winded? Why would he be fucking winded? All he’s done is stand like an absolute idiot and stare at the guy right in front of his face. Why’s his throat so dry now? Is Sirius’ fever coming back up? Should he get Minnie?
“I’m not giving you my fucking number.” Regulus snaps, catching Sirius and Remus’ attention.
“James, why can you have Sirius’ brother’s number but not me?” Peter complains.
“Oi, I don’t even have his number!” Sirius argues, watching as Regulus flickers his eyes between the two of them.
“Oh, I can give you it.” Remus says, pulling his phone out.
“Don’t you fucking dare, Remus.” Regulus warns.
“Too late.”
-
Regulus quickly shuts the door behind him.
He should have mentioned to James that he wasn’t planning on more fucking people to show up. Remus wasn’t even in the original plan, he was just here seeing his mother and wanted to help. And Regulus allowed him because at least Remus isn’t insufferable. However, Peter? Really?
With little time, Regulus rushes over to the bathroom, quickly changing into the scrubs he took from the nurse break room. It isn’t that hard sneaking around a hospital when you know all the hangout spots and the schedules of the staff. And plus, it wasn’t stealing. This is all for Regulus’ safety which in his mind, out ways the possibility of a lecture from Poppy.
Even with the ever running air condition, it gets hot in the amount of layers Regulus has on. On top of his clothes, he has a thick scrub suit on and then an almost hairnet-like sort of dress on. Then, of course he has an actual hairnet on, but the one used by doctors. Not the kind lunch ladies wear. Regulus had also found some slippers he found in the nurse room and places them on, almost falling flat on his face when he takes a step to his door.
He peeks out, watching as Sirius rolls past, the sound of the wheel skidding across the floor. He flashes a thumbs up to Regulus and Regulus takes the hint, stumbling across the hall and down a few to James’ room.
James stands outside it, double masked up and a thick pair of gloves loosely hanging onto his hands. He meets Regulus’ eye, no doubt smiling at him from the way his eyes light up and crinkles form. Regulus has to ignore the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he focuses on the plan, slipping into James’ room without a sound and closes the door behind him.
Looking around, he can tell James cleaned up. Or perhaps he isn’t as a slob as Sirius is. He flips the lamp on, taking in the room.
The desk is filled with small knick knacks; Lego builds, coloring books, some textbooks, his laptop and pencil pouches. On the corkboard hang numerous pictures. Some polaroids like the one on Sirius’ door and some just normally printed out. Most are of Sirius and him, but Regulus recognizes a few people. There’re also some little pins with film characters holding the pictures up and a small medal, barely hanging on with a singular pin holding it to the board.
Turning, he looks over to find the medcart right by the window. Regulus can feel his fingers twitch as he views the messy cart. How has James survived this long?
He moves forward, feeling a bubble of excitement enter his belly and form butterflies at the thought of finally being able to touch his medcart. Regulus has literally been dreaming of this.
A knock on the door startles Regulus. He looks over his shoulder, watching as it cracks open just a tad and James’ face appears.
“Bad news,” He starts, looking giddy with excitement. “Poppy just walked through the doors. Peter called.”
“Close the door.”
James blinks at him, before shutting it with a click. Regulus turns back, facing the many bottles, some of the lids not even screwed on properly. He also sees the freshly clean regimen which Regulus almost cries at the sight of. He lays a hand on it before moving it to the side for now.
First, he takes everything off the cart. He needs to see everything he has to work with alongside the regimen. Everything has to match up and feel just correctly placed or this won’t work. Hopefully he’ll have enough time before Poppy or Doctor McGonagall start to notice something. Honestly, Poppy should have instantly felt something off with Peter by the entrance. That just seems like a bad omen.
Regulus feels his heart beat a little lighter as he carefully places everything on the cart again. He makes sure to follow his gut and mind, placing something where it feels just right. And, if it doesn’t, he restarts. Quickly rearranging everything again or taking the container or bottle off and having to redo his motion. Though, everything seems to be working out so far.
He doesn’t know how much time has passed. His eyes feel itchy and dry, like he hasn’t blinked since he laid his eyes on the cart. Regulus wouldn’t doubt that hasn’t happened. He’s incredibly focused, taking in everything and zoning in right on the cart and whatever he’s holding. There’s no time for blinking. There’s not even time for breathing.
Another knock and the door opens once again. Regulus doesn’t even turn. He just grunts in response.
“Bad news, again,” James says, tapping his foot. Regulus has to stop his movements because of it, feeling irritated. “Remus saw Minnie leave the room she was in. She’s making it down the hall. Sirius is getting ready to distract her.”
“Okay.” Regulus replies, waiting for the door to click shut. But, that doesn’t happen.
He turns, giving James a look. James just stares at him before closing it again.
Regulus tsks, turning back to his work. He racks his brain, trying to find where he left off and thankfully, he catches it, turning back to the bed where he placed all the creams and pills and such and grabs the last few cases. He feels his body loosen up and he arranges them correctly onto the cart.
Stepping back, he views his work, feeling proud and finally free and loose. The tightness in his chest has finally unraveled and his body feels like jelly. Regulus feels as though he can finally fucking breathe again.
His eyes land on the regimen laying neatly on the desk. He grabs it, trying to imprint it into his brain but his brain seems to have turned off. He searches for his phone in his pocket and curses when he can’t seem to find it.
“Fuck.” He mutters, his eyes landing on the laptop.
Begrudgingly, he opens it and thankfully, doesn’t need a password. He goes to Messages and adds his phone number before posing in front of the camera with the regimen and sending it to himself. Then, he deletes his phone number off the laptop and shuts it close.
Afterwards, he grabs a pin off the corkboard and pins the regimen right in front of James’ eyeline so he can’t miss it. Hopefully, it being by a picture of Sirius will keep his eyes trained on it.
This time, there’s no warning. All he hears is the door open and James’ voice.
“I hope you’re done because Sirius just-”
Regulus hears a loud thud from the end of the hall followed by an “OW.” He shakes his head, embarrassed for Sirius.
“Yeah, I’m finished.” Regulus says, fully turning around to face James.
“Just in time.” James says, a grin no doubt behind his mask. “Do I need to keep every single container in its exact spot and whatever?”
“Yes.” Regulus replies, watching behind James as Sirius’ skateboard rolls past. “Move. I have to get going.”
“Oh, right. Sorry.”
James moves out of the way, further back into the hall as Regulus slips out. He doesn’t pay any attention to the mess Sirius just created and swiftly rushes to the end of the hall where Remus meets him with his bag, filled with clothes and baby wipes.
“Thanks.”
Remus nods, pointing to the handicap bathroom he saved for Regulus, an ‘out of order’ sign taped right to the door. Regulus walks in, the door shutting behind him.
The rush of adrenaline starts to wear off and Regulus can feel it with every bone in his body. He can feel the shake coming from nerves and the huge pocket of fear entering his body again. He fucking went into another CFers room with B. Cepacia. And redid his medcart.
He needs to get rid of the bacteria from his body.
First, Regulus strips. Every last bit of clothing until he’s standing in the dark bathroom, bracing himself along the wall. He can feel his breathing quicken and he presses his bare back impossibly closer to the cool tiles, trying to ground himself. It does help to an extent.
He lays his hands out, feeling the bumpy texture of the tiles and his hand finds the light switch. He flips it on, revealing the clean bathroom and his clothes lying lazily along the floor.
Regulus kicks them with his foot to the nearest corner, almost wanting to flush everything in the toilet but fearing the toilet would overflow. He opens his bag, fishing out the packs of baby wipes he ordered Remus to get and lays them out on the sink, ripping one open. Looking up, he meets himself in the mirror.
His breathing seems to slow when he sees his reflection in the clean mirror, stray from any fingerprints or dust. Hesitantly, his eyes roam over his body, across every single pale scar, the lines risen up on top of his skin and forever imprinted onto his skinny body. He sees his G-tube and internally winces, noticing the red and how inflamed it still looks. He can’t seem to find himself to freak out about it though. Because all he can seem to think about is his body. His eyes scan his ribs, and one finger slowly traces over them. He can practically feel every single bone pop out and the ridges of the sharp bones. Regulus swears if he took a deep enough breath, they’d cut through his skin, revealing themselves properly.
His hand goes lower, touching the hollow of his stomach where it should poke out just a tad but doesn’t. It roams over to his G-Tube, touching the plastic and the redness, poking at it and biting his tongue, hard. He can feel his eyes water from the burning of it, but Regulus can’t seem to care, he just continues prodding at it. But, from the shake of his hands, he stops and roams to the side, meeting his jutted out hip bones.
If he would crash into the side of a wall, Regulus could imagine the bone crushing, shattered with a single blow. Not a bit of skin could protect it. He presses on the bone, almost as though he’s touching a plastic skeleton, feeling the bones and how sharp they are and unprotected, how they too jut out.
He moves his hand back up, past his stomach, past his ribs, past his nipples, to his collarbone. He gently traces a finger along it, feeling the thin layer of skin sit on top of it and if he moves his neck, watches as the bone moves along with it. His collar bone sticks out, so obvious a black shirt couldn’t cover it. A turtleneck couldn’t cover it. It’s not even sexy. Not like how those guys present theirs or how a woman shows it off. It’s just ugly.
And finally, Regulus' finger travels back down, slowly, and trembling. His other hand grips onto the sink with such force, he swears he can feel the material of the sink tremble from it. If he used all his strength the sink might even crumble before him. His hand stops right by his nipples before going a tad bit down to a pink jagged scar, right underneath his left flatten breast. It’s almost identical to the scar on the right but he focuses on the one before his finger. It’s his first scar before many. But this one, these, are different.
A tear makes its way down his cheek, and he gasps, pulling his hand away and stumbling back. He breathes hard, waving his hands, turning away from the mirror, trying to catch his breath. His breathing is rough and shallow. He can’t seem to catch his breath and it’s like his lungs are purposely trying to make him suffocate. Can’t he catch a fucking break?
His hand lands onto the wall, right by the light switch. In an instant, he shuts the light off, darkness filling into the room and swallowing him whole. He closes his eyes, trying to blind himself from the world and the space he just forced himself to enter. His other hand lands close to his heart and finally, he gets an opening to catch his breath.
Regulus settles onto the floor, aware of how many germs and bacteria could crawl onto him, but for once, he can’t seem to care. Breathing seems more important. He folds into himself, resting his head onto his knees and slowly starts to rock himself for comfort.
In his own bathroom, Regulus has put a sheet over the mirror. He can’t stand them. At home, he has a sheet over the mirror too and at Hogwarts, he always makes sure to cover it with something. At one point, he threw the mirror out the window. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that because of that one saying. Bad luck.
His excuse for it has always been that he’s deadly afraid of mirrors. But he’s not. He just can’t stand looking at himself. He’s fine with photos because photos can hide things. You can fake a smile in a picture and barely anyone will realize. A picture is a memory that you can adjust to your liking. Whether that be photoshop your body or hide a pimple. But a mirror? It shows everything. Every ugly thing that presents on your body. Every pimple and pore, every blackspot and mole.
Regulus finds himself again and comes to his senses. He realizes he’s lying on the floor and flings himself up, disgust all over him. He lunges for the baby wipes and places his bag right in front of the mirror. He should have asked Remus to pack a blanket. He hadn’t thought of mirrors. He just needed a place to get rid of the bacteria he could have caught from James, or any other illnesses James has that he hasn’t felt the need to share.
He scrubs at his skin until it’s pink. Until it burns and a layer of his skin has been ripped off. That’s the only way he’ll feel clean and free from James.
He scrubs extra rough by his G-Tube.
-
Sirius grins, walking out of his room with a fresh bandage on his forehead.
His little crash was indeed real. His shoelace had gotten untied, and it got caught right on the wheel. Though, it was perfect timing as Minnie was turning into the hallway and Regulus was still not finished with his little activity. Sirius landed right at her feet, the floor clocking him right in the forehead.
It was perfect planning on Sirius’ part.
He pats his bandage, feeling proud of being an incredible lookout. Turning, he plans to go straight to James’ door, wanting to check out his sick new medcart, when he crashes straight into Remus instead.
“Oh shit.” Sirius mumbles as his forehead bumps into Remus’ shoulder. “I’m sorry, that was all me.”
Remus has settled his hands on Sirius’ biceps. Sirius can’t help but focus on the touch, his throat going impossibly tight and his chest tingles with a feeling he can’t pinpoint. Remus’ eye goes to his hand and quickly pulls back, a light pink coloring his tan skin.
“Sorry. I thought you were going to-”
“No, it’s fine.” Sirius cuts in, his face heating up with every second that goes by. He cringes at himself, feeling the urge to hide his face in his hands.
“How’s the head?” Remus asks, hand going up to rub the back of his neck. Sirius follows every movement.
“Eh. Doesn’t really hurt. Minnie was overreacting.” Sirius lies, knowing full well he just ate shit and thought he had broken his knee.
“Looks pretty cool at least.” Remus shrugs, a smile playing on his lips. “Could tell wicked stories about how you got it.”
“Exactly why I fell.”
Remus chuckles. “Do you actually skateboard around this place?”
“No better place to do it.” Sirius says, feeling awkward standing right in the hallway. He swings his arms, not understanding why his heart’s all fluttery.
“That’s a fair point,” Remus points out, nodding his head. He points to his leg. “I used to skateboard until I had a nasty wipeout. Had me in bed for days.”
“What’s up with your leg?” Sirius asks, not understanding what’s so bad about it.
Remus quirks an eyebrow up. “Never notice me limping around like an idiot?”
“Now now, Remus, don’t be so cocky.” Sirius muses, resting his back against the wall. “You aren’t my type, you know that.”
Something clouds over Remus’ expression for a quick second. Sirius frowns at it.
“You just here for Regulus or got somebody in here?” Remus asks, changing the subject.
Sirius points to his nasal cannula. “More like I’m the somebody in here.”
“Ah. What’s your fuckup?”
Sirius snorts, completely caught off guard. “My what?”
“Your fuckup.” Remus shrugs, a smile growing across his face. “I’ve got my leg and everything else and yours is…”
“Cystic Fibrosis.”
Remus blows air out his mouth. “That’s gotta suck.”
Sirius shrugs. “Had it all my life. You get used to it, y’know. Just like your leg.”
“My legs no biggie. Yours centers around your entire life, however.”
“It’s no biggie.” Sirius repeats, brushing him off. Remus tilts his head at him.
Taking Remus in, Sirius does pinpoint him in the background of memories Sirius has of his friends. Mostly with the girls; Lily, Mary and Marlene. How come they never met?
“You’re friends with Mary and the whole lot, right?” Sirius asks, shifting on his feet.
Remus nods. “I met Lily first who then introduced me to Mary and Marlene.”
“How come we’ve never... you know, met then? I’m practically glued to Mary’s side at Hogwarts.”
“I stick mostly to myself.” Remus mutters, shifting his gaze downwards to his feet. He toes the ground. “Gets the stares away.”
“Stares? Why would people stare?” Sirius asks, furrowing his brows. Remus seems like an alright lad. He’s tall and has a nice face. He’s fit but lanky and slender, like how most girls seem to like. Seems to have a good personality. So, what’s so bad with him?
“My scars…?” Remus says, looking back up to Sirius. “Did you not…”
Sirius widens his eyes, now just realizing. Across his face, Remus has a scar from the start of his right eyebrow, across his nose, to the bottom of his chin. On his neck, he has a smaller one on the side that seems to travel down his body. Down his arms, there are tinier ones but still very noticeable. Pale against his tan skin.
He looks back up, meeting Remus’ face. His face is red, brighter than Mary’s lipstick. Sirius’ face heats up, feeling very uncomfortable. He notices Remus pulling his sleeves down.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
Remus shakes his head. “No, you’re good.” He smiles at him.
Sirius frowns. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I just hadn’t realized…”
Sirius curses at himself internally. How hadn’t he not realized? It’s like the main picture on Remus. Especially the one right dead center on his face. He’s literally been bumping into this tosser this entire day. How has he not even noticed the ones on his arms?
Remus sniffs, looking to the side, avoiding Sirius.
“They look badass.” Sirius adds, trying to lighten the tension. “Way more cooler than my little bandaid.”
Remus breaks into a smile, glancing back at Sirius. “Yeah. Definitely way cooler.”
Sirius smiles back, swallowing hard. He feels awful. Where did his manners go?
A phone goes off and Remus instantly digs into his pocket. “I gotta run.” He mumbles, distracted from texting someone.
“Oh, okay.” Sirius says, disappointed. “Will you be around?”
Remus clicks his phone off. “Yeah, my train’s not until later.” He shrugs, giving Sirius a small smile before walking past him down the hall.
Sirius looks over his shoulder, watching him disappear. A rough tap on the shoulder grabs his attention though.
Peter has appeared next to him, sucking on a lollipop. He has his eyes raised at him, in a knowing manner.
“What you looking at?”
“Your ugly fucking face.” Peter comments, not batting an eye. He twirls the lollipop around his tongue.
“Take that back.”
“Nope.”
-
“Don’t tell me the one time you’re interested in a guy, it’s James fucking Potter.”
Regulus’ eyebrows fly up as he turns in his seat, his gaze landing right on Remus. “What?”
“You heard me.” Remus says smugly, settling down on the couch.
“I’m not into him!” Regulus protests. “I don’t know how you could say such a thing.”
“C’mon, Regulus.” Remus scoffs. “You organized his fucking medcart. That’s like, foreplay. That’s like asking him on a date.”
Regulus’ jaw has gone slack. “What?”
“I can bet you right now, I’ll walk in next week and you guys will be having a breakfast date in the cafe.” Remus says, crossing his legs.
“No, Remus.” Regulus says, in complete disgust. “Ew. You know I’m too good for James.”
“I don’t know, Regulus…” Remus smacks his lips, shrugging.
“Oh, okay, so what about you and my brother just a few minutes ago,” Regulus counters, doubling up. He watches Remus’ face shift slightly. “Don’t think I didn’t see you two being all-”
“No.” Remus cuts in, shaking his head. “You’ve got it all wrong!”
“I don’t think so.” Regulus says, a grin forming across his face. “Remember that time when you had a crush-”
“No,” Remus says, laughing awkwardly. “We are not bringing that up.”
“-on my brother?” Regulus finishes, ignoring Remus' attempt to cut in. “Yeah, maybe it resurfaced and-”
“I will rip your balls off if you continue this rant.”
Regulus smiles, dragging his tongue along his top teeth, satisfied. Remus leans back, sending daggers towards Regulus.
“It was a one time thing.” Remus backs himself up, looking as though he’s trying to convince himself. “It’s completely gone.”
“Mhm.”
“Whilst yours is an ongoing thing.” Remus points out, looking down at his nails.
“What?”
“Don’t think you’ve been all sneaky,” Remus says, laughing. “I see you all the time, sending long meaningful looks at James. It’s surprising he hasn’t noticed. Maybe he needs thicker lens.”
“I do not do that!” Regulus says, mouth going dry. “I send him glares. Not meaningful looks as you just described.”
Remus gives him a look, head dropping to the side just slightly. “C’mon Regulus. I’m not dumb.”
“You clearly are if you’re thinking like this.”
“Didn’t you memorize his entire schedule so you could see him in the hallways?” Remus adds.
Regulus stands up, scoffing and walks off, hearing Remus laugh loudly.
“Regulus! Oh, come back!” He calls. Regulus ignores him, flicking him the bird before slamming his door behind him.
He grinds his teeth, jaw locked as he lets out a long stream of air through his nose. Remus is completely idiotic. Regulus has never and will never like James Potter.
A knock on his door causes Regulus to turn around.
“Regulus open up.” Remus giggles, knocking in a pattern.
“No, go away.” He retorts, dropping his bag onto the floor.
“Oh, Regulus, I promise I won’t talk anymore about your very obvious cru-”
“Fuck off, Remus!” Regulus shouts, laughing. “Shove it up your arse. Leave me be, I’ve had enough of you for one day.”
He hears Remus snicker before the sound of his sneakers squeaks as he walks away. Regulus pinches the bridge of his nose, sitting on his bed. He does not have a very obvious crush on James. He isn't twelve. He’s sixteen for fucks sake.
A message from his phone buzzes. Regulus eyes the clock. None of his friends would be texting him. It’s still early in the day and he knows his friends. On the weekends, they’re asleep until dinner.
But Regulus checks his phone anyways and groans when he sees the text. There’s no name, just a series of numbers. However, he knows exactly who it is.
lovers spats? i recommend getting chocolates as a forgiveness gift
Delete my number.
A facetime call pops up, from the same number. Regulus works his jaw, pressing ‘hang up.’
:(
Another facetime call. Regulus almost throws his phone across the room. Though, the time more interests Regulus at the moment. James should be doing his AffloVest.
He accepts.
The call connects to James showing his whole face. He’s grinning into the camera, biting into a sandwich. His glasses sit halfway down his nose and his hair sweeps by his eyes, somehow not bothering him. The sound of a pencil against paper fills the background noise.
“Hi!” James greets.
Regulus frowns at him, focusing more on the background noise. If James were doing his AffloVest, the sound of a machine wheezing would, very loudly, be present, filling the empty silence of the room instead of a pencil scratching on paper. Unless somehow, James has found a way to silence the vest.
“Why aren’t you doing your AffloVest?” Regulus asks, sighing.
“I am.”
“Show.”
James pauses, the pencil even stops moving. “I can’t.”
“How come?”
“...I’m buttass naked.” He replies, biting into his sandwich. Crumbs of bread sit on his lips.
Regulus rolls his eyes, dragging a hand down his face. “James. You need to be doing your AffloVest.”
“I told you, I am doing it.”
Regulus can feel the itch creep back on him. He shivers, swallowing hard.
“I can’t trust you James.”
James stops moving completely, just staring at Regulus through the camera. “Why not?”
“Because you said you’d do your treatment and you aren’t.” Regulus raises his voice, frustrated. He gently bangs his palm against his forehead.
“Fine, okay. From this point on, we’re doing our treatments together.” He decides suddenly. He itches at his arm, biting down on his lip. “Okay?”
“Why can’t I just do it with Sirius?”
“Sirius is too soft on you.” Regulus mumbles. “He’ll let you get away with too much shit. I, for one, don’t give a fuck about your feelings.”
James looks at him, a smile creeping onto his face. “You care about me. Don’t lie now.”
“I’m being incredibly truthful.”
James finishes off his sandwich, wiping his mouth with his hand. Finally, he says, “Fine. I’ll do it if I can draw you.”
Regulus cocks his head to the side, eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
“You heard me. I wanna draw you.”
“Since when can you draw?” Regulus asks.
“Since forever.”
“You can’t draw.”
“I so can.” James protests. “You were in my room, you saw my corkboard.”
Regulus’ mouth falls open. “Those were drawings? I thought those were photos you printed out!”
James laughs. “I wish. That would have been so much easier.”
Regulus blinks, not knowing what to say.
“So, will you let me draw you?”
Regulus looks at his ceiling. “Why do you want to draw me?”
“Because I haven’t drawn you yet.”
“Just draw Sirius but younger.” Regulus recommends.
James tsks. “No can do. You guys are similar, yes, but you have sharper features. I can’t capture those as well with just a mental image.”
Regulus looks back at his phone, teeth playing with his bottom lip. James wiggles his eyebrows at him. “So…”
“So what?”
“So we have a deal or not?”
Regulus is about to say no, his mouth forming the shape. But, the itch comes back, hard and noticeable. All he can do is scratch until his arm looks red and his nails are imprinted.
“Yes. Fine.” He says, seeming out of breath. “We have a deal.”
“Grea-”
Regulus hangs up.
-
What is a sane person supposed to do for fun at a hospital?
Sirius doesn’t know. He’s done everything he considers fun. He watched dull television, shoved his mouth with sweets and ran off a sugar high before Poppy came and scolded him, scared tiny children and told them the horrors of the hospital, skateboarded down hallways before Minnie physically yanked him by the collar and told him to knock it off.
So now, Sirius has nothing to do. Literally. All he has left is a phone that’s about to die, a broken charger, and the hospital around him. Which is not fun whatsoever.
He resulted to a walk. Just around, maybe to see something new (there never is anything new), maybe to find Poppy and follow her around, maybe find Minnie and beg her to give him his skateboard back. But, so far, Sirius has found nothing.
Dragging his feet, he moves to the side to let a nurse run past him. He looks back, almost considering to follow her when his body slams right into something.
A hand touches his back and his upper arm and Sirius can already tell who he’s crashed into.
“We can’t keep meeting like this.” Sirius laughs, using Remus to balance himself.
Remus snorts, half shrugging. “I’m fine with it.”
Sirius smiles at him, cheeks burning with embarrassment. He doesn’t know whether he should tell Remus to put his hands down or put his hands somewhere on Remus. Should he mention something? Should he pull back, let Remus’ hands fall? Or maybe, does he lean into it? Is that what Remus is trying to say? But, why? Maybe he’s waiting for-
“Remus?” A voice says, coming through the door next to Remus.
Remus instantly drops his hands and Sirius misses the warmth almost automatically. Very hesitantly, Sirius peeks in, seeing an older woman in a bed with an IV cord hooked up to her arm as well as a nasal cannula hanging from her nose, almost identical to Sirius’. She’s got her eyes closed and Sirius would have easily mistaken her for being dead.
“Everything alright?” She asks, not bothering to open her eyes.
Sirius looks back to Remus.
“Yeah, everythings okay ma.”
She nods, muttering something Sirius can’t understand before Remus closes the door softly. The sound of it clicking shut fills the air around them.
Sirius shuffles on his feet, face continuously burning up.
“Sorry, ‘ust my mum.” Remus mumbles, scratching his neck.
“What’s she in for?” Sirius asks without thinking. He shakes his head. “Sorry! I didn’t-”
“You say sorry a lot.” Remus notes, chuckling under his breath.
“I said it like twice.”
“Which, in my defense for only knowing you for like an hour, is a lot.”
Sirius snorts. “Sure, okay. Sorry for saying sorry a lot.”
Remus rolls his eyes, brushing away a stray hair from his eyes. Sirius swallows, his throat replicating a very dry desert.
“Should I go? Are you waiting for me to leave to be with you mum again?” Sirius blabbers in a rush.
“No, I was just leaving her room.” Remus reassures. “You don’t have to. Unless you want to.”
“Well, I’m actually bored out of my fucking mind.” Sirius says, throwing his head back. He hears Remus chuckle.
“That so?”
“Yes! You have no idea how bored I am.” He cries, looking back at Remus, feeling his neck pop from the sudden movement.
“Then let's do something.” Remus shrugs. “I have time before my train. Like loads of it.”
“Well, that’s the problem, Remus.” Sirius drags a hand down his face. “I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ll figure it out.” Remus says, starting to back up from Sirius. “C’mon. My mother can hear everything we say outside that door.”
Sirius quickly catches up, fixing his bag over his shoulder. “Where are we going?”
“I dunno.”
“Okay.” Sirius murmurs, smiling.
“What you admitted for?” Remus asks, shoving his hands into his pockets, clearly trying to make small talk. They take a left.
“Fever,” Sirius confirms, not hiding his annoyance. “It’s practically gone though. I’m just here for observation before returning back to school.”
Remus hums, his arm bumping his Sirius’. Sirius looks away, his stomach feeling as though a firework just went off.
They both stop walking when they realize they're in the atrium. It’s mostly empty, just a few younger patients sitting around.
Sirius walks forward, standing under the glass dome. “Me and Regulus used to look up at our stars when they were out.”
“Oh?”
Sirius looks over at him. He shrugs. “I’m giving you useful information to pester Regulus about. Embarrass him even.”
“Ah. Well, I’ll make it my duty to tell him about it.” Remus says, coming up besides Sirius and looking up.
“You guys were named after stars?”
Sirius nods, not bothering to look up. He just stares straight at Remus’ neck, then travels up it, tracing his jawline with his eyes. He feels oddly fluttery. And also jittery.
“Yeah. Family tradition.” Sirius mumbles. “It’s not as cool as it sounds.”
“Didn’t say it was cool.”
“You should think it is.”
Remus looks back down to him then. He quirks an eyebrow up, a lopsided smile creeping onto his face. Sirius seems to have lost all sense of everything and anything around him except for that smile. His stomach feels as though it’s rolling down a fucking moutain.
“You just said it’s not that cool.”
Sirius clears his throat, moving his eyes back up to Remus’. “I’m a complex person.”
Remus nods. “I wouldn’t be hanging out with you if you weren’t.”
“Why’s that?” Sirius asks. “Not your type?”
“Nah.” Remus says, gazing at Sirius. “Just means you aren’t boring.”
Sirius’ mouth parts just slightly. His knees are fucking weak. The way the sun shines at Remus, brightening up his brown eyes, turning them hazel. Flicks of green and gold pop out. His lips, chapped and red, matching Sirius’. Though, for some reason, Sirius just knows they’re the softest, most gentlest lips anyone could ever feel. His hair looks like a smooth caramel, flowing gracefully down his forehead and curling at the ends. It pokes out in places, but it looks intentional and beautiful. Not like James’ where it’s all chaotic. No, his hair looks like it was styled by the hands of a fucking shaper, making it look so fucking soft and cause it to show off his gorgeous fucking eyes as well as the sharp outline of his jaw.
Sirius can’t take this.
“I used to cat nap on the floor here,” Sirius blurts out. “The sun would always shine the best here and provide the best warmth.”
“I might just have to try that.” Remus says. “I’m freezing my balls off in here.”
Sirius laughs, fumbling with the strap of his oxygen bag. “It’s not as comfortable as it sounds. Woke up with the worst back pain of my life.”
“No problem with me. I always have back pain.” Remus mumbles, shifting his weight onto his other leg. “Might just do me good. Maybe it’ll finally set my back straight.”
“Should we sit down?” Sirius asks, glancing at his leg. “I know the most comfortable seats here.”
“Lead the way.”
Sirius takes him all around the atrium. He pushes him down on the couches, making Remus rate them, from most comfortable to least. Then he drags him over to the vending machines, showing him which ones sometimes drop two of an item and which snacks are the worst and which are the best. He also makes him rate all the snacks.
“Chocolate will always be a ten out of ten for me.” Remus says, watching Sirius knock repeatedly into the machine to drop some snacks out for free.
“Me too!” Sirius exclaims, finally getting one last push and seeing a bundle of snacks fall to the bottom. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”
Then Sirius takes him to the workout room, showing him where they keep free waters for the workout instructors. He also shows him the yoga balls and makes him play a game of ‘knock the water bottles down with the yoga balls.’ Afterwards, he shows him the fastest elevators and times him, seeing if Remus can beat his personal best record (he doesn’t, he gets the same exact time).
Now, Sirius is bored again.
“Remus.” Sirius says, pulling at his sleeve to stop him from walking. “I’m bored.”
“Again?”
“Yes.” Sirius admits, still holding onto his sleeve.
“Well,” Remus whistles, swinging the arm Sirius is holding the sleeve to. “What do you wanna do?”
“I dunno.” Sirius shrugs, swinging his arm with Remus. “Wanna see my room? I just decorated it with pictures and shit.”
Remus snorts. “Sure, how far is it from here?”
“Not far,” Sirius says, turning on his heel and physically dragging Remus after him. He still has a grip on his sleeve. “I can show you my polaroids and we can take a picture together!”
“For the photo album?”
“Of course. I’ll put you right next to James.” Sirius says, looking over his shoulder at Remus. “We could also watch telly if you want. But, spoiler alert, nothing on is ever good.”
“I know.” Remus snorts. “My ma is always watching some soap opera that’s been running for like decades.”
“Is it any interesting? Might have to start watching it to have some talking points with your mum.”
“You wanna talk with my mother?” Remus asks, laughing at the end. “Taken an interest, have you?”
“What? Absolutely not.” Sirius snorts. He pulls Remus around the corner. “Homestretch.”
“Hooray.” Remus blandly says, coming up besides Sirius.
Sirius looks down, now just realizing he’s been holding onto the sleeve. From a far away angle, it could look like they’re holding hands. His face heats up.
“Here we are.” Sirius says, gesturing to his door. “Ta da!”
He moves a bit to the side, allowing him to take a closer look at the picture taped to the door along with the other knick knacks.
“I’m in this photo.” He snickers.
Sirius furrows his brows, bringing his face closer to the picture. “Where?”
Remus’ hand snakes around Sirius, letting it go limp around the grip on his sleeve. Then, he brings it up, gently pushing out Sirius’ pointer finger and points right at his face. “There.”
Sirius has completely forgotten about the photo. His entire body is tingling, and it feels as though his heart has clawed its way to his throat. Every single part of his body is screaming, burning hot with anticipation. All he wants Remus to do is touch him, anywhere, everywhere, but also nowhere at the same time. His face feels as though he’s been sunburnt, even though Sirius is pale as day and spends his day far away from the sun. He watches as his finger slightly trembles and worries that he's shaking all over. Though, it doesn't seem like it. But his legs might buckle. That's a big concern. Maybe Remus could kindly let go of Sirius' hand. It would help him plenty.
“Yeah, I see you.” Sirius lies, swallowing roughly. His throat feels tight, and Remus drops his hand from Sirius’. As much as he wanted Remus to let go, he now doesn't. His hand is absent from the warmth of his hand, and he almost chases after Remus’ hand. But, at the last second, he forces himself to stay still, his finger still pressing right into photo Remus’ face.
“Shall we?” Remus asks.
“We shall.”
He opens the door, allowing Remus to step in first before closing it behind them. For some reason, the feeling of excitement clouds his head, his stomach forming tight knots and exploding in hyper butterflies. He licks his dry lips, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Not what I was expecting.” Remus says, going over to glance up at the corkboard. He points at a picture of Mary, Lily and Marlene with a smile.
“What, you don’t like what I’ve done with the place?” Sirius asks, toeing at a pile of sweaters on the floor.
“I didn’t say that.” Remus clicks his tongue, looking back over to Sirius. “Just thought the walls would be bright fucking pink and the bedspread would be some obnoxious design and confetti would be everywhere.”
Sirius laughs, furrowing his eyebrows. “What? Why?”
“Because you aren’t boring.”
Sirius grins at that, the knots in his stomach getting tighter and the butterflies becoming more jumpy and banging right into his ribcage. His heart almost seems as though it’s about to collapse from the extremely rapid beating.
“Oh!” Sirius says, rounding his bed and picking up a box. He places it on the mattress. “I have some vinyls my cousin sent. Maybe we could listen to some music.”
Remus comes over, stepping right next to Sirius and peers into the box, picking up a David Bowie record. He grins wide, teeth shining and everything. Sirius can almost see some sort of twinkle in his eye.
“I knew I fucking liked you for a reason.”