A Soulless Angel

"You've told me enough about your time with the Dursleys," Chloe began, knowing better than to even think of calling it a childhood, "Do you wish things had been different?"

Harry's expression was like a rock, but then he softened with a sigh. "More than once. I mean, I did try to earn their love. I kept trying to keep the house clean, serve them breakfasts in bed, that sort of thing…," he trailed off, his mind lost in the memories.

Chloe licked her lips. While she hadn't been in the Ministry of Magic and witnessed the memories he had projected into the crowd so they knew the truth of the myth behind the Boy Who Lived, she did know enough about his case to know he was just another person abused by the intolerance of muggles.

"How bad was it?" Chloe was ashamed of her question, but she had spent the last minute trying to come up with different ways of phrasing it, and each time it came up short.

Harry took a deep breath; whenever he had thought or remembered what he was describing in the past before this session, he had buried the emotions he'd felt at the time ever since, but now he was looking at things with a detached viewpoint. He wasn't sure if it was healthy or not.

"Bad," he replied and looked down at his hands. "I was always severely beaten, but then things went worse when Vernon showed he was a paedophile."

Chloe gasped.

Harry went on, "He and his pals raped me, Chloe. Everyone laughed at my pain and grief, and then I was beaten again and the Dursleys made it clear they would never see me as one of them, but by that point, I had decided I despised the Dursleys."

Chloe felt her heart shatter as Harry related the story. "What did you do then?"

"I tried to tell the authorities what had happened," Harry still spoke in that distant, far away tone that had her even more frightened about his mental well-being; but by this point, after listening to the horrors in his life, Chloe would not be surprised, not one little bit, if Harry Potter snapped and became a monster. "I attended a muggle school. I spoke to several of the teachers, and police officers, and they were horrified at first and I went away, believing everything would be okay. Next thing I know, I'm accused of spreading lies, and the Dursleys were misunderstood. The Dursleys increased their abuse and after a while, I got the message; that nobody would believe me. I could talk, and talk, and talk. Nobody would listen. Nobody would care. And all that time, I would go back to those muggles, and they could do whatever they liked, and nothing would stop them. And for some reason, I couldn't get out! That was when I lost my faith in adults, in authority figures. And one of my so-called former friends at Hogwarts wonders why I actively dislike them!"

Chloe was now even more worried. She knew Albus Dumbledore had personally taken care of the young orphan after his parents were murdered, and right now she was seeing just how far that care went.

As if he was reading her thoughts, Harry sighed, "I tried to escape from the Dursleys a few times. I kept diaries of the times I tried…but each time I did, I would either feel compelled to return to them, or I would fight it off and run…only to find myself back with the Dursleys."

That sounded like a compulsion charm to Chloe, but the thought of a powerful wizard like Albus Dumbledore actively encouraging child abuse could easily turn fatal either due to a Harry suddenly turning his darker emotions inward and hating himself until he became an obscurial, or he would simply succumb to the physical violence, so he would die from his injuries was horrifying.

"It sounds like you were compelled to see the place as home," Chloe said.

"Those things are not family, that dump is not a home. To me, I would be happier if a dragon or a giant destroyed the whole place, and those animals were turned into strawberry jam," Harry said angrily, emotion seeping into his voice. "I hate them, Chloe. I hate the Dursleys and Albus Dumbledore. When I learned Dumbledore was the one who put me with them, I made it my goal to become a powerful wizard, I did that out of fear something could and would happen to me in the future. And I did. I mastered the mind arts, discovering when I first put my occlumency barriers up, someone had been tampering with my mind, wiping several of my memories. I got them back. I saw several of Dumbledore's lackeys and even the old fool himself wiping my memories as if it was their right. I would never have survived Azkaban without them. Some of the kids I thought were friends at school, those who weren't afraid of my cousin turned around and called me a freak!"

There was so much pent-up rage in Harry at just the mere way he spat the word that the room shook with the amount of magic present. Chloe looked around in fear; she knew how powerful he was after he had absorbed the magic of some of the most strongest and dangerous witches and wizards in the country; for Merlin's sake, he radiated it like a volcano radiated heat, but she was in no hurry for it to be unleashed like this.

"Harry, calm down," Chloe implored.

Harry glared at her, but he looked down at his hands, his white hair falling into his eyes. "Can we move on, please?" He asked quietly when he had calmed down and pulled his magic back.

Chloe nodded quickly. One of the rules of mind healing was to do no more harm than what had already been done. "Of course," she replied quickly, and she looked through her notes, and she sighed. "I'd like to talk to you more about your parents."

"What's there to talk about? My parents were stupid, weak-willed, pathetic losers," Harry snapped.

Chloe took his rudeness in her stride. She'd had all kinds of attitude thrown her way before. "I know you don't feel that way," she said.

There was sheer bitterness in Harry's voice. "Yes, I do. My parents put too much faith in Dumbledore. They ignored good old common sense and they ignored Euphemia and Fleamont when they told them to run away; my mother could easily have taken me and run away, but she didn't. James Potter was a bully, and Lily was a pushover."

Chloe was unsure how to take the fact he was this detached from his parents, but she carried on. "What makes you call her that?" She asked curiously. From what she had learnt in this case Lily had been a dedicated mother.

Harry lifted his gaze to stare her down. The cold emeralds that were his eyes made her shiver and retreat slightly. For a moment what looked like sadistic glee at her reaction flashed across his face before it transformed into genuine regret for how he was speaking to her, never mind treating her.

"She was, Chloe," Harry replied honestly. "Lily just went with the flow, instead of doing what any sane person would have done. She had fought in the war. She knew how dangerous that thing was, and instead of taking the threat seriously, James and Dumbledore played games. They set up a Fidellius ward around a cottage, instead of running away. And Lily just went along with it. If she wanted to protect the family, then they should have left the country. Set up decoys, and traps. But they did none of that. Was it any wonder that at some point their Secret Keeper would have been discovered?"

Chloe had been silent during Harry's monologue because she knew he had made some extremely serious and good points. "No protection is a guarantee, Harry. And speaking of Secret Keepers, it's gone on record that Black and Pettigrew made the swap and Black was going to go on the run as a decoy."

Harry knew this already. He remembered Black's story and version of events, and he knew it thanks to ripping into the rat's mind when he had secretly possessed Voldemort during his final days in Azkaban. "I'm aware of that story, Chloe. I've heard it from Black himself. But I can't forgive them for just…standing still and hiding."

"Do you think things would have been better if they had run away?"

"I know they would have done. I know I'm harsh towards them, and that Lily and James gave their lives for me, but we could have fled to a different country. We would have been happy," Harry said, but his words were hollow. He was trying to convince himself otherwise, and Chloe could tell.

For reasons he would never understand truly, Harry showed her the Head of Family ring. "I was eligible enough to get this ring. I can get into Potter Manor."

"That's brilliant, Harry, especially at your age!" Chloe beamed.

But Harry was not happy. "I've put off going to any Potter property, do you know why?"

Chloe had a good idea. She was an intelligent woman, and after seeing and hearing for herself these last couple of weeks about what kind of mental trauma Harry Potter had gone through, and being shocked and scared for what could happen if something made him snap, especially since his sanity was hanging by threads right now, and if anyone pushed and pushed, then the whole magical world would pay the price. She was becoming increasingly convinced that if she could help him, then her fellow witches and wizards would still have a future.

"You're worried about finding a portrait of your parents, aren't you? That's normal, Harry."

"No, it's not," Harry said solemnly. "I have nothing in common with my parents. When I was a child, Chloe, I realised survival was a choice," Chloe thought she had done a damn good job in masking her exact sense of worry that little statement was, "I mastered basic wandless magic long before Dumbledore's lackey came to take me to Hogwarts, but I wasn't stupid enough to reveal what I knew. I would have either run away or done something to Voldemort before he became a threat. How can I relate to my parents now? I have lived a life that was the opposite of the one they'd likely hoped for me. I don't even know where to begin."

"Maybe you can't," Harry looked up at her words, surprised. Chloe went on. "I gonna be frank with you Harry since you prefer that to outright lies and half-truths. Yeah, you are a totally different person to Lily and James Potter, and the moment you meet their portraits if there are any, or any other ancestors of your family, they're going to see you are different from them. I know this is going to stun you, maybe make you mad, but I think you're frightened of meeting them," Chloe said.

Harry clenched his fists, not out of anger at what Chloe had just said, but because that was indeed how he felt. Ever since he was a child, and he'd listened to the lies about his parents and family, Harry had a very hard time believing any good of them. It was hard, especially after 10 years of conditioning.

But one of the reasons why he had reached out towards his relations in the MACUSA was because they had genuinely wanted to know him. If they hadn't then he would have turned around and simply told them he respected their wishes and left them alone. But right now, Harry looked into Chloe's pretty face and did something he rarely asked, as he didn't trust

"What do you think I should do?"

"Personally?" Chloe was pleased Harry had asked the question, but she merely hoped he listened. "I would go to Potter Manor, and speak to them if there are portraits there."

"And if there aren't?"

"Then speak to whatever portraits there are, Harry."

-8-

Harry, despite coming to like Chloe although he was a long way from actually trusting her, put a lot more thought into what the mind healer told him, had decided to visit his family home on his birthday. But as the days went through to the end of July, Harry distracted himself by going to all parts of London. He would visit museums, and art galleries, and he would attend the self-defence classes as he'd arranged, but many of the teachers and sparring partners saw he was putting more aggression into his blows and told him to tone it all down.

When his birthday finally arrived, Harry had made plans to treat himself to a restaurant-provided meal. He went to the zoo, ironically the same zoo he'd visited before he had gone to Hogwarts. When he saw the animals, it had a strong effect on him; Harry had resisted the urge to vanish every single pane of glass keeping the animals closed off. Not just with the snakes, but everything. He went to the reptile house and he found the snakes in the cages.

History repeated itself when he saw kids banging on the glass, while adults stood by and watched. Stupid muggles. Using a compulsion charm, Harry got them away. He went to the cage he remembered as the one Dudley and Piers had been banging on (Merlin, that was such a long time ago, a lifetime in fact it felt for him), and he cast a silencing ward as well as a strong repelling ward.

For a moment, he studied the snake. It looked identical to the one he'd released before in that burst of accidental magic after he'd been knocked down to the floor.

"Hello," Harry said to the snake inside, creating a small 'gap' in the glass with his magic so he and the snake could speak without any interference.

The snake lifted its head. "Amigo, is that you?"

Harry gasped. "It's you. You didn't escape."

"No," the boa replied sadly. "I didn't. I was caught and put back inside."

"I'm sorry," Harry said, feeling more sympathy for the snake. For all the animals here. In this zoo, in every other zoo in the world. Even wildlife preserves were prisons. "I didn't know."

"It's okay. I'm used to it. I think of you sometimes, often asking what happened to the boy who helped me."

"I sometimes think of you too," Harry returned. "You were my first experience with parseltongue."

"Parseltongue?"

"The language of the snakes. It's a magical ability. I'm a wizard. Recently I was put in a cage just like this. And right now…I am so tempted to break in and send you all home, where you belong, not in this prison," Harry's emotions were bleeding through.

"You were in a cage too, what happened? I thought your kind didn't do that?" The snake asked intrigued.

Harry closed his eyes. "I was accused of mass murder," he replied, opening his eyes and looking around, while he checked the wards he'd thrown up. "And I was thrown into a disgusting prison for a year, with demonic wraiths that brought out my worst memories. That prison was in many ways worse than the one I was already in when we met."

"What happened? I hope you weren't hurt because of me," the snake's kindness stunned Harry and nearly undid the tight grip he had on his emotions.

"I was beaten and thrown into a cupboard under the stairs," Harry replied.

"I'm sorry, amigo," the boa's genuine apology made Harry pleased he had come back.

"Thank you, my friend, and I've made up my mind."

"What do you mean?"

Harry smirked. A Slytherin smirk. "You'll see," he replied.

-8-

After having a pizza, courtesy of a nice visit to Pizza Hut, a full Harry Potter looked down at his ring, and he decided that it was finally time. After returning to his townhouse (making sure to keep in mind the time for his appointment at London Zoo), Harry tapped the ring and the portkey activated. When he opened his eyes again, he pulled his coat around his body and found himself looking up at a proud, almost derelict manor.

"Who be you?" A high-pitched squeak of a voice called nearby before he was even able to process all of what he was seeing.