“Told you she’d ditch us again! She always ends up spending the night with him!” Nix complains as she takes another shot.
“They’re in the honeymoon phase, if they go five minutes without each other, they’ll combust” Vanessa replies with a chuckle. She and Nix sit at the bar together.
Nora is with Roko, who is swaying with her side to side. Close to them is Eva and Tina, spinning together to the beat of the music.
Vanessa usually dances with them too, but Nix wanted to sit for a little to take more shots.
“I wish I was in the honeymoon phase. If only Lovro would pick up on what I’m laying down, if you get what I mean” Vanessa laughs.
“I don’t want to know what you mean. Besides, I think somebody else may be interested in you” Vanessa elbows Nix, drawing her attention to the other Nix dancing near Roko, making small glances over in their direction every so often.
Nix takes another shot. “No fucking way. I’ve told you a million times he’s too straight for my liking. He’s a fuckboy and it would basically be sloppy seconds since him and Eva had a thing. Not that it stopped Nora with Roko, but I wouldn’t do something like that!” Nix slurs out, getting progressively drunker.
Vanessa’s gaze moves to Tina, who is still prancing with Eva but keeps eyeing Nora and Roko with low spirits. The whole situation depresses Vanessa. Although Tina and Nora have talked about the situation and Tina’s on good terms with Roko and his relationship with Nora, Vanessa can’t help but feel bad for her. He never deserved Tina in the first place. Vanessa’s still bewildered by Tina trying so hard to get with him when she's already incredible. Vanessa’s fine with their relationship, but feels for Tina in these moments, having to watch your friend with the boy that screwed you over.
“I don’t think Eva and him had anything of substance. Now, you and him-” Vanessa starts as Nix takes a final shot and heads towards Tina and Eva, trying to avoid whatever Vanessa has to say.
Vanessa swigs another shot before making her way to the other girls. When she gets to them, Tina tries to say something to her, but the music covers her voice.
Vanessa cups her hands to Tina’s ear, “What did you say?” Tina tries to repeat but Vanessa still can’t hear her.
Tina grabs her hand and she feels electricity running through her body. Even after so many drinks, she feels stone cold sober when she takes her hand.
Vanessa knows it’s just the alcohol talking, Tina’s only her friend. A straight friend at that.
Tina drags her into the bathroom and runs into a stall. “I just wanted someone to come with me to the bathroom! Sorry if I scared you” Vanessa leans on the sink.
“It’s alright, I’m the same with needing someone to come with me” Vanessa says.
“I learned my lesson the night I met Eva. I went to the bathroom without Nix and was threatening to kill myself. I’m kind of a weepy drunk” Tina flushes the toilet and exits the stall.
Vanessa moves from the sink to let Tina wash her hands. As she starts, Vanessa studies her outfit. The pink dress that fits her perfectly, the matching heels. As her gaze follows her body back up to her face, Tina makes eye contact through the mirror.
Vanessa panics, “I’m sorry, I’m a bit wasted” Tina doesn’t reply. Her gaze still with Vanessa’s. Tina turns around to her, the two now face to face. Their eye contact never falters.
Tina breaks the silence. “Would you want to?” Vanessa nods repeatedly, not understanding her sudden eagerness. She didn’t feel like this before.
As Tina’s lips press against hers, butterflies erupt inside Vanessa’s stomach. There’s no doubt in her mind about kissing her back, she doesn’t want this to end.
Vanessa, trying not to break away, keeps kissing her as they make their way to the wall, their bodies pressing up against each other. She can feel the softness in her lips and the heartbeat thudding profusely in Tina’s chest. Vanessa’s heart beating just as hard.
The bathroom door swings open, Nix and Eva entering. Vanessa and Tina pull apart as fast as they came together.
“We wanted to see if you guys were okay, but I guess you two are more than okay,” Nix says with a cheeky smile. Eva starts to giggle. Tina’s face reddens and Vanessa feels the heat rise in hers.
“Much more than okay,” Eva adds. Tina starts to fix herself in the mirror, trying to remedy her smeared lipstick while ignoring the comments from the peanut gallery.
“I can’t take another minute of this” Vanessa announces as she leaves the bathroom with the feeling of Tina’s lips still lingering.
-
After the long night, Vanessa walks home with Tina. They walk home together after every party since they live close to each other. The walks are usually filled with chatter but the awkward silence on this walk in particular is deafening.
Vanessa doesn’t know what to think. She was drunk, clearly not thinking straight, in different ways. She’s never felt anything other than platonic feelings for Tina before tonight. But she can’t stop replaying the kiss in her head.
She keeps glancing at Tina every so often to see if she’s feeling similarly, but Tina seems exhausted from the night as they walk. Tina won’t even look at her.
Vanessa should have kept drinking after they left the bathroom, but decided to stop. Tina kept going. Vanessa wonders if it’s because the kiss meant something to her or if she wanted to forget about it. She doesn’t know which she’d prefer.
Tina usually becomes a drunken mess at parties, like all of them do. But she seems to drink more when she’s nervous. She drank a lot whenever she tried to get with Roko.
Vanessa’s thoughts are interrupted when Tina breaks the silence. “What a night.”
“It was something” Vanessa murmurs, not sure how to reply. She doesn’t know what Tina’s thinking.
Tina looks to Vanessa. “I had fun tonight.”
Vanessa gives her a small smile. “I did too.”
Tina and Vanessa make it to the end of the block, which is where they part ways to get home. Vanessa gives Tina an awkward wave goodbye.
“Goodnight, text me when you get home safely” Vanessa says before Tina wraps her arms around her. She hugs her back. Vanessa’s heart starts to race.
Tina lets go and waves goodbye with a smile. “Text me when you get home too!”
Vanessa watches Tina walk away until she can’t see her any longer. The realization hits her, these feelings are going to be a problem.
-
Vanessa walks through the halls, replaying the kiss from Friday night. The entire weekend was spent thinking about Tina, and what these feelings meant.
She’s racked with nerves and excited to see Tina as she enters the cafeteria. The girls are sitting at a table together. Nix and Tina on one side, Eva and Nora on the other. An empty seat at the head of the table, closest to where Tina is sitting.
“Hey!” Vanessa says, putting down her bag and pulling the chair out so she can sit. She glances over at Tina, trying not to make direct eye contact with her but still keeps looking over to her on occasion.
The rest of the girls are giggling, including Nora. The awkwardness between Vanessa and Tina looms in the air.
“I heard that I might’ve missed something at the party on Friday,” Nora voices, breaking the silence. Nix and Eva go from peeking at each other to looking at Tina and Vanessa to view their reactions.
Vanessa doesn’t know how to respond. She glimpses over to Tina, her face is red. Vanessa begins to get upset that the girls are making her feel embarrassed, even if it’s just teasing. Tina seems uncomfortable by the situation.
She’s having mixed reactions towards Tina’s reaction. She feels upset over that she’s embarrassed about what happened but also irate over her being forced to talk about it.
Vanessa feels protective over Tina in a way she’s never felt towards the other girls. She just wants Tina to be okay, especially after everything she’s been through. The awkward mess of this situation is not helping.
“There’s not much to talk about” Vanessa replies, attempting to change topics.
“There really isn’t!” Tina adds, looking to Vanessa with a small smile. Vanessa’s glad they’re both on the same page.
The other girls give each other befuddled looks. As if trying to come up with another question, not understanding the ques Vanessa and Tina are giving them to switch topics.
This doesn’t stop Nix from continuing to instigate. “I think swallowing each other in the bathroom isn’t nothing” Eva nods along with her.
“We weren’t swallowing each other!” Tina replies immediately. Her face is more red than before.
“I think there’s better things to talk about. Nora, how was your weekend with Roko?” Vanessa says, trying to deflect. Nora’s grin widens.
“I see what you’re doing! Don’t change the subject!” Nora counters. Vanessa wants to leave the table, but she doesn’t want to leave Tina to fend for herself.
“You guys are blowing this out of proportion. Friends kiss all the time at parties! Especially when drunk!” Tina replies.
“I think it was more than just drunk friends kissing, do you agree Eva?” Nix asks, with Eva nodding in agreement
“Straight friends do it all the time! It wasn’t anything other than us being drunk and doing something stupid. I would kiss all of you drunk! Straight girls just do that!” Tina snaps. Everyone goes silent, finally getting that neither Vanessa or Tina want to talk about this.
But Vanessa feels her heart sink. Was she being delusional? Did it mean nothing to Tina? She would've kissed anyone when drunk, it didn’t mean she wanted to kiss Vanessa. Or maybe she just said it to get them off their backs?
“Hey Tina, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you. We thought it was funny” Nix says, breaking the silence.
“I'm sorry too, I didn’t think it meant anything, that’s why we were teasing you two about it!” Eva replies, getting up and going around the table to hug Tina.
Nora nods as well. Vanessa knows they didn’t mean any harm. What bothered her most is Tina saying it meant nothing to her. That stung.
“It’s okay, we both know it wasn’t to be mean. It’s just what straight girls do at parties! I would kiss all of you at a party! Maybe not Nora since she has Roko, but I’d kiss all of you! I’d kiss you again too!” Tina announces, meeting Vanessa’s gaze.
She doesn’t know how to react to being told that she would kiss her again in the same sentence she proclaimed she’d kiss all the other girls too. Vanessa thought it could have been more, but it seems like Tina would only kiss her intoxicated.
“Leave me out of your weird straight girl shit!” Nix replies. Vanessa thinks similarly.
-
Eva, Nix, and Vanessa sit on a bench together outside the school. Nix is having a lollipop as she scrolls through her phone. Eva has her head on Vanessa’s shoulder.
“Do you think Jakov’s still with that girl?” Eva asks. Even though Jakov and her broke up, Eva is always interested in him seeing any other girls.
“I’m not sure” Vanessa replies.
“Speak of the devil, look who's on his way!” Nix says, glancing up from her phone.
Jakov and Lovro are making their way over to them, skateboards in hand. Jakov gives a wave to Eva. She sits up, taking her head off Vanessa’s shoulder, as if she needs to prepare herself to talk to Jakov.
“How are you guys?” Nix asks, eying Lovro, while she sucks on the lollipop in a sensual manner.
Lovro stands there stiffly, trying to avoid gazing over at Nix. He nervously keeps putting his hand through his hair.
“We’re good! Hope you're all well! We came over to see if you guys would like to come to a party on Friday night at the Mosque. It’s going to be a skating party, a bunch of skaters and stuff. Just want to know if you want to come!” Jakov rambles, looking at Eva.
“I don’t know how to skate, would you be able to teach me?” Nix asks, staring at Lovro, who is still attempting to avoid making any eye contact with her. Vanessa is trying her best to not laugh.
“You don’t need to know how to skate to come,” Lovro replies quickly.
“
That’s too bad, I think you’d be a great teacher.”
“Jakov’s better than I am, he taught me how to skate. Think he’d be a better teacher!” Lovro says, elbowing Jakov.
“He’s a really good teacher! He taught me a few things” Eva says to Nix.
“I didn’t know you wanted to learn how to skate! I’d be down to help you out!” Jakov replies with a smile.
Nix shakes her head. “I think I’m good. I just thought we had to know how to come to the party.”
“No, like Lovro said, everybody is welcome! Non skaters are welcome! It’s going to be a fun party!” Jakov responds.
Vanessa wonders if Jakov knows anything about Nix’s crush on Lovro. He must, it’s not like she’s subtle about it
“We would love to come! We’ll tell Nora and Tina to join!” Eva exclaims.
Jakov gives her a grin. “Alright, we’ll see you guys there!”
“We’ll see you!” Eva says.
Jakov and Lovro wave goodbye and walk away with their boards, Jakov glancing back at Eva a couple times with a smile.
Vanessa thinks about another party with Tina, she’s determined to find out if the kiss meant anything to Tina or was a drunken mistake.
“I think Lovro wants me. Did you get those vibes from our conversation? He needs me” Nix declares, putting her lollipop in her mouth. Eva and Vanessa give each other a look.
“So the biggest takeaway you had from that conversation, is that he wants you?” Vanessa asks as Nix nods her head.
“He could barely look at you. We need to find you an actual guy, or girl who wants you for real!” Eva expresses.
“You guys don’t get it, I’m playing the long game, it’ll happen eventually.”
“I think this long game will last for an eternity” Vanessa replies with a laugh.
-
Vanessa arrives at the Mosque with the rest of the girls. There are a lot of skaters already there, doing kickflips and other skate tricks Vanessa doesn’t know. But there's a lot of people standing around.
Vanessa wanted to talk to Tina about what’s going on with their relationship, but didn’t get the chance to when they were getting ready with the other girls. Tina already started drinking before arriving, so having a meaningful conversation is out of the question.
“I have to use the bathroom!” Tina announces before they start crossing the street to join the party. Nix rolls her eyes.
“I told you to go before we left!” Nix replies.
“That was ages ago, and I have to pee badly. I can go to the bathroom by myself and meet you guys there” Tina says.
Vanessa shakes her head. “I’ll come with you, I have to go too!” Vanessa doesn’t have to go, she just wants to make sure Tina is alright.
Tina smiles and they part from the rest of the girls.
Inside the bathroom, which isn’t far from the party, Vanessa waits for Tina by the sink. She looks at herself in the mirror, trying to fix herself up for Tina.
Tina makes her way out of the stall and washes her hands, glancing over at Vanessa messing with her hair.
“You don’t have to fix anything, you look really pretty,” Tina says. Vanessa meets her gaze with a smile.
“So do you” Vanessa replies shyly.
Tina’s lips meet hers as quickly as the last time they kissed. Her lips, somehow softer than the last time, but the taste of alcohol is more noticeable on this go around. Vanessa’s heart begins to race as Tina grabs her waist, pulling her closer to her, filling the gap between them. Vanessa knew it meant something to her, how could she kiss her like this and it not mean anything.
Tina pulls away, breathing heavily. It feels as if they were kissing for hours but even hours would be too little for Vanessa. She’s disappointed to not be kissing her more, but understands they have somewhere to be. Although Tina’s lips feel more important than the party.
Tina starts fixing her lipstick in the mirror. Vanessa should be doing the same but watches Tina instead, admiring her beauty from afar. Even if she’s only a few feet away from her, it feels too long of a distance.
She can’t believe she is head over heels for Tina, acting like a love sick puppy. Vanessa can’t help it, she’d be content spending the rest of her life kissing Tina. A drunken bathroom kiss uncovered underlying feelings Vanessa never knew she had. She knew she liked girls, but never imagined liking a girl this much, especially that girl being Tina.
Vanessa thought she would never get a romance like this, something only imaginable in the movies. But here she is, falling for Tina.
“Don’t look at me like that! I’m trying to fix my lipstick!” Tina says with a grin.
“Like what?” Vanessa replies, her face beaming. She approaches Tina and wraps her hands around her from behind, to kiss the side of Tina’s face.
Tina giggles and looks at Vanessa through the mirror. “We have to get going. We’ve spent so much time here,” not enough time if it were up to Vanessa.
Vanessa gives her another kiss before letting go to mend her own lipstick. She catches Tina’s gaze watching her through the mirror. Vanessa’s trying her hardest to not kiss her again.
When she finishes fixing up her lipstick she and Tina leave hand in hand to go to the party.
Tina lets go of Vanessa’s hand as soon as they make it to the party. She joins the other girls, but Vanessa spots Lovro in the distance sitting alone inside the Mosque. She normally doesn’t talk to Lovro, but she feels bad for anyone who sits alone at a party, especially since he's the one who invited them.
He’s sitting on his skateboard, with a cigarette in his hand, staring off into space. When he notices Vanessa, he’s surprised to see her.
“You okay?” Vanessa asks, sitting down next to him. Lovro shrugs.
“I’m alright. Needed a break from the party” He responds, taking a hit of his cigarette. Vanessa notices that he doesn’t care to look at her when speaking, his gaze is off in the distance. She doesn’t know him well, so she doesn’t know if this behavior is normal and he’s just detached from all conversation. She finds it peculiar.
She follows his gaze to see what he’s so interested in. She notices Jakov flirting with a girl she’s never seen before. She looks back to Lovro, his face slightly displaying emotion. She thinks it’s jealousy, or some sort of resentment. She wonders if he likes the girl Jakov is talking to.
Vanessa realizes Eva must be seeing this too, and attempts to find Eva in the crowd. Eva is with Tina and Nora, who knows where Nix scurried off to. She is staring at Jakov, heartbroken. Vanessa looks back to Lovro, his expression similar to hers, but less obvious.
It hits her. He likes Jakov.
She knew he didn’t like Nix at all, she assumed it’s because she’s too forward, and he isn’t into girls like that. Turns out he doesn't like girls period. From the little she’s interacted with and knows about Lovro, the pieces come together to create a clear picture.
“You like Jakov,” Vanessa blurts out. She regrets blurting that out immediately, because Lovro finally looks at her, with an alarmed face. At least she got him to look at her in some capacity, but she didn’t want it in a panic.
“I-” Lovro keeps stuttering, not knowing what to say. Vanessa gives him a small smile, trying to tell him that it’s okay.
“How did you know?” Lovro asks with a sigh, accepting that he doesn’t have the power to deflect any longer.
“I think I just pieced it together, the way you look at him is not how a friend would” Vanessa replies. She looks back to Jakov, who seems unnerved by what he is looking at. She follows his gaze to Eva and Tina.
She feels her heart break in two. Tina and Eva are kissing each other, in the middle of the party. Tina only thought of them as a fun thing straight girls do at parties, not what Vanessa felt.
“You like Tina,” Lovro replies. Vanessa turns to him and nods.
“Was it that obvious?” She responds. Lovro shakes his head and offers Vanessa his cigarette. She takes it and inhales and exhales. She’s regretting not drinking as much tonight. She wants to forget it all.
“Not until I watched your heart break in real time when she kissed Eva. You could do better, it sucks to be in love with your friend” Lovro answers.
Lovro and Vanessa. The idiots who fell for their straight friends.
“The shitty part is, I thought she did like me. When we’re alone, it feels amazing. But she never wants me when she’s sober” Vanessa says, trying to hold back tears. She doesn’t want to scare him off with sobbing when this is the first time they’ve spoken. Even if she feels like it’s a safe space to do so.
“She’s not worth it, you’ll find a girl who’ll love you for you” Lovro replies with a small smile. She is surprised to see a smile on his face, something that seems rare to see on him.
“And you’ll find a boy you’ll want to spend every minute with,” Vanessa responds with a smirk. Even though she’s devastated, she doesn’t feel alone, Lovro is going through the same thing. He gives her another smile, hoping for a future where that is a possibility.
“If it makes you feel any better, I was kind of shocked by someone so cool as you would like someone like Tina. Like Tina? Couldn’t you have picked Eva! She’s much cooler” Lovro jokes.
Vanessa elbows him. “Says the boy with blue hair and was shocked to find out somebody would think he’s gay!”
-
The next few school days, Vanessa’s determined to avoid Tina. It’s difficult since they see each other constantly. But Vanessa couldn’t take being near her. She is heartbroken. And the worst part is she shouldn’t be, she shouldn’t have let herself fall for her.
When school ends for the day, Vanessa gets her belongings and leaves as soon as possible. In normal circumstances, Tina and her would walk home together.
Even with the other girls, she tries to ignore Tina. She feels shitty in doing so but doesn’t know how to handle the situation better. Tina said it was a drunken kiss, Vanessa thought it was more, she shouldn’t be shocked by how it ended.
It felt so much more to Vanessa than just a stupid drunk kiss. She knows that she’d never be kissed sober by her, and it breaks her heart.
Vanessa is walking home, all she wants to do is hide in her room and eat ice cream. Maybe she’ll let her sister know what’s happening, but it’s still too raw to talk about.
“Vanessa! Wait!” Tina yells from behind her.
Vanessa stops, she is supposed to be Tina’s friend, and it would be worse to ignore her. But she doesn’t think she’ll be able to talk to her for long.
Tina catches up to her, and they walk together in silence. She can sense the wall Vanessa’s built when she asks “Are you okay? Are we okay?” which leaves Vanessa in a state of panic.
What can she say? She can’t admit she has feelings for her, after Tina made it abundantly clear that they were only friends fooling around. But she can’t lie and say she’s okay, because Tina’s picking up on the fact that she’s ignoring her.
“Stuff happened, I’m not feeling great this week” Vanessa lies. Tina gives her a worried glance.
“You don’t have to talk to me about it if you don’t want to. But are you okay?” Tina asks. Vanessa doesn’t understand how she can clearly see that she’s upset, but not know the answer.
“I don’t know” Vanessa replies truthfully, hoping Tina won’t continue to push further.
Tina doesn’t continue to push, and the rest of the walk is done in silence. Vanessa doesn’t even bother looking in her direction. She should’ve never kissed her back.
-
Vanessa sits across from Nix at a cafe. The other girls were too busy to join, which she's fine with Tina not coming, since she wouldn’t know what to say to her. She’s happy to spend time with Nix.
Nix is taking a sip of her coffee, it’s probably her third since they’ve gotten here. Vanessa’s still on her first, with her cup having a third left. She’s someone who takes sips, trying to savor the flavor.
Nix places her cup back on the table, looking at Vanessa’s and shaking her head, “You take way too long to drink. You’re just letting it get cold!” Nix notes.
“I take my time!” Vanessa counters, taking another small sip of her coffee. Nix studies Vanessa for a bit. It weirds Vanessa out, because most of the time Nix is looking at her phone.
“Are you okay? It seems like you’re upset” Nix asks softly.
Vanessa isn’t sure how to respond. She is upset, but she doesn’t know if she should explain why. Once she tells Nix, it becomes real. She will actually have to deal with Tina and confront her feelings, instead of avoiding them.
“I’ve been better” Vanessa replies with a small smile, trying to stay positive.
“What happened?” Nix inquires.
Telling Nix about her feelings isn’t going to be like how it was with Lovro. It was simple with him. He isn’t someone she usually hangs out with or talks to, so opening up to him about her issues felt effortless. There were no expectations to uphold with him. Their lives rarely crossed paths.
It’s the opposite with Nix. Everything would impact their lives. She has feelings for Tina, Nix’s best friend. It will have repercussions on their friend group. The girls mean so much to Vanessa, and she’s terrified that her feelings for Tina will ruin it.
“I think I have feelings for Tina” Vanessa blurts out. There’s no other way to start. She looks at her coffee when she speaks, afraid of the expression Nix is going to have. “After she kissed me in the bathroom, she’s all I can think about. I thought there was something between us last week, but she ended up kissing Eva.”
Vanessa finds the courage to see what Nix is thinking and looks up to face her. She’s surprised by the huge grin on her face. Why is she this happy?
“You don’t understand the relief I’m feeling right now” Nix vocalizes. Vanessa gives her a look of puzzlement. Why is she relieved over this situation? Vanessa’s losing her mind over it.
“I don’t understand?”
“Of course you don’t. I know that you like her!” Nix announces. Vanessa is more confused.
“I know, I just told you that I like her.”
“No you don’t get it. I’ve known you’ve liked her for months. I was waiting for you to figure it out!” Nix answers.
“That’s not true, I only started liking her a few weeks ago, when you found us together. It’s only a recent thing” Vanessa explains.
Nix sighs, “Did you not realize you’ve been in love with her for months? It took kissing her to figure it out?” Vanessa is dumbfounded. She never thought about Tina like that before they kissed. How does Nix know better than her? Nix is on her phone most of the time.
“I have not liked her for months! I think I would have known if I was in love with Tina before this. Let me tell you, she has invaded every thought in my head, I can’t stop thinking about her, I would’ve been thinking similarly if I liked her before we kissed!” Vanessa expresses.
Nix has her mouth agape listening to Vanessa’s ramble. “I’m losing brain cells listening to you speak right now, Vanessa you can’t really think that. You’ve been thinking about her constantly for months! Have you not wondered why you’ve been so overprotective over her? Or how you’re always worried about her. The fact you always find excuses to do her makeup and then conveniently are too tired to do it for the rest of us? Vanessa, you’ve liked her long before she kissed you.”
Vanessa replays every small thing she’s done with Tina. Has she liked her for that long? Vanessa always felt more protective over Tina than she has with the other girls, but she only assumed it’s because Tina is Tina.
She worries about all her friends but worries more about Tina.
Sometimes she is tired after doing one person's makeup! But she also loves to do Tina’s makeup, it’s an excuse to admire her freely for long periods of time.
It all starts coming together, thoughts about Tina she believed were platonic were underlying feelings for her. How was she so oblivious? But thinking about her pining being so obvious, do the other girls know? Does Tina? She wouldn’t string Vanessa along if she knew she felt that way. Would she?
“You’re right. I think I’ve liked her for months. But she doesn't want me like I want her” Vanessa utters. Nix gives her a small frown.
“You don’t know that! She could like you too! Maybe you should talk to her!” Nix proposes.
Vanessa shakes her head. “She only ever kisses me when she’s drunk. She’s made it abundantly clear that she likes to kiss her friends for fun! It doesn’t mean anything to her, she kissed me and then kissed Eva with no difference. It’s just stupid fun for her, when it's everything to me.”
Nix gets up from her chair and comes to Vanessa to give her a hug. Vanessa stands up and lets Nix hold her.
“I’m so sorry about everything. I didn’t realize I’d make it worse by telling you. I’m here for you. We’ll find you a girl who will kiss you sober” Nix whispers.
Vanessa squeezes her tighter and puts her head down onto her shoulder. She’s glad she has Nix.
-
Another Friday, another party for Vanessa and the girls. But this party is different. This party will not be another party that ends up with Vanessa and Tina making out in the bathroom.
Vanessa comes to the party with Nix, while Tina goes with the other girls, so Vanessa didn’t have to get ready with Tina.
She knows she’s going to have to talk to Tina soon. But she’s coming up with an elaborate plan to explain why she is ignoring her that doesn’t let her know that she likes her.
Nix and Vanessa are dancing together when Eva and Tina join them.
“Eva! Tina! You both look amazing” Nix yells, the music almost making it impossible to hear. She hugs both Eva and Tina.
One look at Tina, who looks stunning in her outfit, makes Vanessa find her way to the bathroom.
She's tempted to splash water on her face, but it will ruin the makeup she’s wearing. Instead Vanessa looks at herself in the mirror, trying to calm down.
Tina is a friend. She needs to get over her. She might have had underlying feelings for months about her, but she only recently started acknowledging the feelings. Maybe she can turn them off.
When Vanessa thinks she is good to go, Tina opens the bathroom door, and the work she put into getting over her in the last five minutes is erased. Looking at Tina is too much for her, all she wants to do is kiss her. Instead, she avoids her gaze entirely.
“Vanessa, are you okay?” Tina asks. Vanessa nods, trying to look at anything else in the bathroom other than her. Which is difficult, because there's nothing as interesting as her in this bathroom.
“Would you want to?” Tina says, stepping closer to her. Vanessa finally meets her gaze, knowing what she’s asking and what she’s about to do.
As Tina leans closer to her, Vanessa finally finds the courage to tell her the truth. “I can’t do this anymore Tina. It’s stupid fun for you but I can’t do it anymore. Find someone else to have fun with.”
Vanessa storms out of the bathroom, feeling the water in her eyes starting to form. She rushes for the exit, she can’t stay at this party any longer. She can’t be with Tina anymore. At least she knows not to try and kiss her again.
Vanessa opens the exit door, making her way outside. She wipes the tears from her face as she walks.
She hears the door from behind her swing open. “What was that?” Tina yells after her. Damn Tina, so stubborn in caring for the people she loves. She wishes she would leave her alone.
Vanessa turns to face her, hoping Tina won’t be able to see the tears in her face in the dark. “Do you really not know?”
Tina looks at her with confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Vanessa hates how oblivious Tina is. Anybody else would realize why she’s this upset over drunk kisses. She hates that she’s going to have to spell it out.
“I’m fucking in love with you Tina, and it’s driving me crazy!” Vanessa yells back, getting closer to her. She finally meets Tina’s gaze.
She stares at her blankly. “You’re in love with me?”
“I thought you liked me too, which was stupid of me to think. Especially after drilling in on how friends kiss each other drunk!” Vanessa’s voice cracks, she can barely hold herself together.
Tina still looks flabbergasted and is still staring at her blankly.
“I just thought that it might’ve been something real but you’d never want to kiss me sober” Vanessa admits, giving Tina a final look before going back to walking away.
She’s leaving everything awkward for when Tina sobers up. A part of Vanessa hopes she’ll forget this ever happened.
“I didn’t drink anything tonight” Tina yells chasing after her. “I’m sober.”
It takes a moment for Vanessa to process what Tina is saying. She turns to Tina, who walks closer to her. Vanessa sees the tears falling down her face.
“What?” Vanessa asks.
“I didn’t think you felt the same. I thought you were embarrassed by me, so I tried to say it’s a thing friends do for fun when drunk” Tina cries.
“Why did you kiss Eva then? I thought you felt the same after that night! And then you went and kissed Eva!”
“I thought you didn’t want me. As soon as we got to the party you left me. So I panicked and kissed Eva because I thought you were weirded out thinking I liked you. Then you ignored me for the past few weeks. I thought you were grossed out by me” Tina wipes her tears.
Vanessa’s heart breaks hearing how Tina thought she thought about her. “I would never be grossed out by you. Don’t ever think that. You’re the most beautiful girl I know” Vanessa says. Tina smiles before crying more. Vanessa brings Tina into a hug.
Tina puts her head onto Vanessa’s shoulder. Vanessa holds her tight, rubbing her back to try and calm her down. They let go of each other. Vanessa cups Tina’s face, and wipes the tears falling down her face.
“I think I’m in love with you too. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before. I’m uncertain about everything except kissing you. It’s the most certain I’ve ever felt” Tina replies.
Vanessa smiles before leaning in to kiss her. Even though they’ve kissed before, this feels different. Knowing Tina feels the same as her, and wants her as much as she wants her.
She knows that kissing Tina is the most certain she’s ever felt too. Loving her is simple.
Vanessa can’t believe it’s real. Moments ago she thought she could lose Tina forever, but she's the happiest she's ever been. Kissing the girl she loves.
-
Waking up with Tina’s arms around her felt right. At first, Vanessa thought she was dreaming, but realized it was her new reality.
She watches Tina as she sleeps. She likes being able to watch her, so she can admire her face. She could look at her for the rest of her life and it still wouldn’t be long enough.
“Are you staring at me?” Tina murmurs, squinting her eyes open.
“Good morning,” Vanessa replies softly, playing with Tina’s hair.
Tina moves closer to Vanessa than she already was, keeping her arm around her. Vanessa hopes she’ll never have to let go of her.
Vanessa assumes it's the afternoon, she doesn’t mind spending the day in bed with Tina. Especially after the night they had.
“I’m still processing it all. I can’t believe this is real” Tina voices, her eyes fully open. Vanessa cups Tina’s face, her thumb rubbing her cheek.
“How long have you liked me for?” Vanessa asks.
“I think for a while. I didn’t realize it then but the night the five of us hung out for the first time, and you were doing my makeup. I think that's when I caught feelings for you, even if I denied them at that point” Tina explains.
“Yeah, telling Nora that 'I'm not into lesbian stuff’ when she asked you what turned you on is denial” Vanessa chuckles.
“Turns out, I’m very into the lesbian stuff!” Tina says with a grin. She takes Vanessa’s hand and kisses it.
“I had a similar experience. I think I mistook my feelings as platonic for a while. But after you kissed me, you were all I could think about. Nix told me it was obvious, but was waiting for me to figure it out” Vanessa admits.
Tina gives her a perplexed look. “Nix told me the same thing! She said it was very obvious that I was into you! Was she giving the same advice to both of us?”
“I wouldn't put it past her. You’d think she’d take her own advice and use some detective skills to figure out that Lovro doesn’t like her!” Vanessa jokes.
“She’s hung up on him for some reason” Tina agrees with a laugh.
She hopes that Nix moves on, not only for her sake but for Lovro’s too. The boy doesn’t want anything to do with Nix. Vanessa hopes she’ll realize the same soon.
Vanessa kisses her but stops because she’s smiling too much.
“I think the best part of us being girlfriends now is that I won’t have to use the excuse of doing your makeup to stare at your pretty face” Vanessa announces.
“So we’re girlfriends now?” Tina asks. Vanessa feels the heat in her face, she did not accidentally say that.
“Only if you want to be! We're probably moving too fast, I don’t want to scare you!” Vanessa says with panic. Tina shuts her up with a kiss.
“Yes I will be your girlfriend. But I might say no if it means you’ll stop doing my makeup!” Tina replies.
Vanessa feels her heart flutter. Tina is her girlfriend. She knew lesbians moved quickly, but she didn’t expect it to be this fast.
“I guess I’m your makeup artist for life” Vanessa counters before going back to kissing her girlfriend.
-
Vanessa and Tina enter the party hand in hand and find their way to the rest of the girls. The three of them look at them holding hands and back at each other.
“You guys owe me $20! I knew they’d get together before next year!” Nix announces. Nora and Eva groan and start searching through their bags for money.
Tina and Vanessa give each other a bewildered glance.
“Were you guys betting on us?” Vanessa asks.
All three of them reply at once, “Yes.”
“Did you guys think we were obvious?” Tina asks. Nora hands NIx some money.
“We were waiting for you guys to figure it out yourselves. I should have changed my bet when you two kissed in that bathroom!” Eva groans, handing Nix her money.
Vanessa was okay with Nix figuring it out. But Nora and Eva catching on too made her feel like a fool.
“We were taken aback by Tina’s monologue about the kiss being something straight girls do, made me think it would take longer. But I’m so happy you two lovebirds figured it out sooner!” Nora exclaimed, hugging both Tina and Vanessa. Vanessa was taken aback by that speech too.
“Nix wanted to scheme to make you guys get together quicker, but we had to stop her,” Eva adds.
“I’m glad we were able to figure it out on our own,” Tina replies.
“You two would have loved what I had planned” Nix says.
Vanessa's happy that they are all supportive of them, and supported them before the either of them knew.
Lovro catches Vanessa’s eye, he’s drinking alone in the distance, she wants to know how he's doing.
“I’ll be right back!” Vanessa says, giving Tina a kiss on the cheek before letting go of her hand to head to Lovro.
“I knew you two were going to be worse than Nora and Roko!” Nix complains. Nora elbows her.
Vanessa finds Lovro sitting on a chair by himself, taking sips of a beer. She sits next to him in the empty seat beside him.
“I saw you and Tina together, congratulations!” Lovro says, turning to her with a small smile.
“Thank you! How’s it going with you and Jakov?” Vanessa asks.
Lovro gives her a nonchalant shrug, and his face goes back to his emotionless self. “It’s whatever. He has a new girlfriend.”
Vanessa feels for him, she was talking to him about getting over their crushes. But she got with hers and he’s still longing.
She watches him take another swig of beer, looking into the crowd.
“You’ll find a guy soon, who’ll be a million times better than Jakov!” Vanessa says comfortingly. She watches Lovro, his gaze in the crowd. He looks distracted.
Vanessa follows his gaze to a brown haired boy, spinning around to the beat of the music. Looks like someone caught Lovro’s eye. Vanessa smirks, “Or maybe you already found him.”
Lovro turns to her with a slight smile, “Maybe.”
He gets up from his seat, approaching the boy. Vanessa doesn’t want to intrude so she makes her way back to the girls.
She goes straight to Tina, giving her a peck. Tina smiles and takes her hand.
“Who’s going to be worse? Nora and Roko or Tina and Vanessa?” Nix asks Eva. She shrugs in reply.
“Tina and Vanessa are weirdly adorable together. Nora and Roko are just another straight couple. No offense Nora! You guys are cute” Eva replies, giving Nora a hug.
“I agree with you. Roko is Roko” Nora says with a laugh.
“Damn, I’m stuck with a bunch of lovesick puppies and Eva. I have to find somebody” Nix says, taking a swig of her drink.
Eva gives her a glance, “What do you mean by that? Am I not enough for you?”
“You get what I mean” Nix counters, strolling away to join other partygoers. Eva follows her.
“Don’t ignore me!” Eva yells as she follows her into the crowd.
Nora turns to Vanessa and Tina, “I’m going to find Roko if that’s okay with you guys.”
Both the girls give Nora a smile and nod and she's gone to find Roko.
Vanessa turns to Tina, she’s excited to be at their first party together as a couple. She puts her hands around Tina’s waist. She puts her hands on Vanessa’s shoulders.
“We’re going to be the PDA couple that everybody hates aren’t we?” Tina remarks.
Vanessa puts her forehead onto Tina’s, “I don’t really care what other people think of us. I’ll kiss you anytime I feel like it.”
Tina’s lips meet hers. Although they’ve kissed too many times to count at this point, the butterflies in Vanessa’s stomach remain. When she kisses her, Vanessa knows everything is going to be okay, just as long as she’s with Tina.