Forget everything but you
James fell asleep before Regulus got home. Actually, he fell asleep almost as soon as their call ended. Like, right after hearing the sound telling him that Regulus ended it, he passed out .
When Regulus got back he was quiet. He could tell how tired James was on the phone call, and he didn’t know whether he would fall back asleep or not. And when he walked into the house to find James once again asleep on the couch, he thanked the Gods he stayed quiet. It was rare for someone to see James asleep, whether that’s because he didn’t sleep or that he didn’t want people finding him like that was varied. Regulus brought the groceries to the kitchen, immediately finding the tea he bought and starting to boil the water for it. As the water boiled he unpacked the groceries, trying to put them in the same spot he usually saw them when at James' house.
“Hello?”
Regulus could hear the confusion in James’ voice, and the tiredness, all while hearing careful footsteps coming around the corner, “Reggie you scared the shit out of me.” There wasn’t much surprise in his voice, no gasp after turning into the kitchen and seeing someone there, just a tired face with an even more tired voice, as if James just knew it would be Regulus, and that he was safe.
The kitchen was dim, only having the window light to illuminate it. Since Regulus thought the light being turned on might wake James, he kept it off, it wasn’t that much of a bother anyway. The natural lighting made James look even more perfect.
James walked towards Regulus, his eyes wandering around the kitchen to see all the groceries bought for him.
“You really didn’t have to. I was..y’know- I was planning on going in a couple days anyway.” Regulus diverted his attention from the cabinets he was stashing the groceries in to James, staring at him with that look , the look that physically tells people, That’s fucking bullshit.
“I was! I was just waiting to know when Lily and Harry are coming back from their trip...thing.” Regulus' look fell from his face, and his eyes softened, he knew James and Lily had a mutual divorce, but he also knew how much it still hurt James.
Around two weeks ago Lily had to go on a trip, it was for one of her modeling gigs, and after finding out she had a baby, the agency reached out and asked if they would be okay with Harry being featured in a couple of the photos. After... a lot of convincing, they came to an agreement, Harry’s face would be blurred or covered, his name wouldn’t be mentioned, and neither would James’. Along with a couple of other things, but those are the most important ones to James, all he cared about was the safety of Harry. THe public knew they had a kid, but being the kid of two relatively famous people has risks, and until now Harry hasn’t been featured in anything relating to either of their careers, and they’re careful about when they take him out in public, like if James is releasing an album with one of the big names, or if Lily has a big photo shoot happening.
“James...are you okay?”
He looked into the eyes of the man he loved for years, and the man who used to love him the same way, and he expected an honest answer from him. Not,
“Of course I am.”
Because of course he’s not. Regulus just kept looking at James. He hoped that James could tell that Regulus knew, knew that he wasn’t okay, knew that he didn’t have to talk about it, and knew that Regulus wasn’t leaving. And of course James knew.
In nearly a split-second Regulus could just see James as he swept himself into Regulus, holding on so tight he thought James might be scared that Regulus would disappear if he didn’t.
Even though they both knew he never would.
And he never could .
They held onto each other for what could’ve been only a couple seconds, or a couple hours. It didn’t really matter anyway, all that mattered to them was that they had each other, and they were safe. Regulus was a few inches taller than James, so the top of his head was near the middle of Regulus’ nose. It wasn’t the first time they’d been in this position, and Regulus had gotten used to the sensations, the way James’ hair smelled, the feeling of his chest rising and falling with each breath. But James didn’t smell like anything, not his usual hair products, nothing .
“James, are you taking care of yourself?”
“Of course I am. Why would you think I’m not?”
“I’m not blind James. I can tell,”
And with a light chuckle he added,
“God I’m not my mother.”
The embrace broke, though they stayed pretty close to each other, as it made James laugh, one of his classic 'caught off guard’ laughs that made people jump at how loud and sudden it was. It made Regulus smile immediately, the fact that they weren’t so awkward with each other and he was comfortable enough to laugh at those jokes and not feel bad warmed him. James was the only person he could make those jokes with. Sirius and him made jokes about their parents, but they never said anything comparing either of them to their parents.
Regulus couldn’t stop the stare he held as James covered his mouth and closed his eyes, trying to hold in his laugh. Even though he couldn’t admit it, James’ laughing was his favorite scenery. If you look on his social media you’d see sunsets and rises, coasts, skies, but this , James, was by far his favorite thing to experience.
James calmed down, and noticed Regulus’ staring, he should really stop staring shouldn’t he? James was only about a foot away from him, but he leaned in ever so close, and Regulus realizes what’s happening, but he can’t back away. It’s as if James has his own gravitational pull, and Regulus fell right into it. Neither of them break eye contact, and James reaches his hand towards Regulus’ waist.
__
By Gods Regulus hates his brother sometimes, especially now, when the familiar ringtone goes off,
Pressure
Pushing down on me
Pushing down on you, no man ask for
Under pressure
That burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
Regulus silently curses his brother, and takes his phone out of his back pocket. James backs a few feet away, hesitantly reaching into a bag and putting things away, as Regulus answers the phone. “ When were you going to tell me you finished your album?” Sirius’ voice was calm, so it wasn’t a joke, but Regulus hadn’t told anyone about the song he scribbled down, so how… Oh. “Sirius, stay out of my things. We have our own rooms for a reason.” His voice is annoyed, but he’s not surprised, Regulus just left it out on his desk, and Sirius often went into his room for things. Regulus met James' eye, mouthed a Sorry, and walked into the living room.
“I didn’t do anything, I came in for an extra blanket and I saw it, you haven’t finished translating the write yet. Have you told James about ii?” There’s no teasing in his voice, he’s genuine. Regulus takes a deep breath and sighs, “I’m not even sure if I’m putting it on the album, it’s…not what I planned on writing.” Sirius stayed quiet for a moment, and when he speaks it’s hesitant, “ Why? I mean it’s not exactly the..happiest song, but it’s still good. Who’s it about? The Mystery Guy?” Now there’s teasing, Regulus has written so many songs about James, but when he does he never tells Sirius who it is, so he’s now referred to as ‘The Mystery Guy’.
Regulus stands there, debating on telling him who it really is, “Yeah, it’s The Mystery Guy. Now please leave my things alone,” He hopes Sirius doesn’t pry, he’s in the house of the man who the song’s about, and he cannot deal with that right now.
Sirius's voice is soft, “Reggie, no one should make you feel like that.” Regulus stands there, knees starting to feel weak, that isn’t a conversation he expected today. “I know, but just..wait until I’m finished. I’ll tell you about it, even if I don’t put it on the album.” They sit in silence for a few seconds, “Aren’t you supposed to be having date night?” Regulus says it with a smirk, “Well if someone didn’t steal all the blankets I wouldn’t have had to come in here,” The grin on his brother’s face is almost audible. “It’s not my fault I get cold easily.” He hears Sirius’ chuckle, “Go back to Remus, and tell him I said hi.”
“Bye little brother, have fun at James’.” The smiles are still in both of their voices, “Bye Sirius.”
__
James couldn’t stop himself from listening to Regulus. It’s like his voice has its own frequency, and James is always tuned in. He had everything out of the bags, most of it was in the cabinets or fridge, and he heard Regulus say “Mystery Guy”, the connotation was clear and it...hurt. There was a pressure on his under eye, he knew he was gonna cry, but he can’t cry, it’s none of his business, there’s nothing between them anymore. But what happened before Sirius called? Why didn’t Regulus back away? The thoughts went a hundred kilometres a second, but they were all so prominent in his head. He stood there until he heard footsteps, walking towards the kitchen, and he started putting more things away, facing away from the entrance.
“James?” He stayed quiet, he wanted to talk, just so Regulus didn’t worry. But he couldn’t, he didn’t even bother to try. He just kept putting things away. He felt Regulus get closer, and he put his hand on James’ shoulder, gentle and firm at the same time. He turned around, and looked at Regulus, and Regulus' eyes widened. “James, what’s wrong? What happened?” His voice is soft and worried, but there’s some kind of fear behind it.
“I don’t know.” His voice is quiet, and broken. Regulus pulls him into an embrace, voice soft, “That’s alright. Go lay down, I’ll make you tea.” James just nodded, “Do you want me to come with you?” His voice was a whisper now, and James didn’t trust himself to talk, so he shook his head, and Regulus let go of him, slowly. James walked away, practically holding himself, down the hall to his bedroom. Regulus stood there, staring after him.
He pulled out his phone.
__
“See! Right there! I was right!” Sirius exclaimed, leaning forward and pointing at the screen, with Remus sitting by him, rolling his eyes with nothing but admiration, “Would you like a prize, Fy Annwyl?”
“Maybe I would.” Sirius leaning back with his arms crossed, grin on his face, he loves it when Remus speaks Welsh, especially for his names. He leans closer to the other man, when his phone goes off.
It's the terror of knowing
What the world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow- gets me higher
Pressure on people- people on streets
He grabs his phone from the table beside the couch, Regulus doesn’t wait for a ‘Hello,’ he talks as soon as Sirius answers. “Sirius I don’t know what’s wrong with him but I’m worried,” Sirius immediately picks up on how frantic his brother is, he’s never like this. “Regulus, what happened? Did he do something?” His brother's voice immediately quickens, and his breathing becomes ragged, “Oh gods I shouldn’t have left him alone. He’s in his room, I was gonna make him some tea, and then I called you. I just- Sirius please tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what’s happening to him.” Sirius takes a deep breath, and his voice softens, “Reggie, I can’t. It’s not my place. Make him the tea, and sit with him, just you being there is enough for him, trust me. It might take him a while to calm down but it’ll help. Breath.”
“Sirius, I’m scared. I don’t know what’s happening and he doesn’t deserve feeling like this.” His voice breaks a few times, and all Sirius hears is his little brother, his best friend from childhood, the kid he swore to protect. “Reg, it’s gonna be okay. He’s gonna be okay. I promise.” When he says it, he can hear Regulus take a few deep breaths. Sirius hasn’t noticed the hand drawing circles in the small of his back until now. “Make him that tea, he’ll be okay Reggie.”
After a few breaths and moments of silence he hears Regulus' voice, still worried, but calmer.
“Bye, brother.”
“Bye, Reg.”
The call ends, but Sirius doesn’t move. The phone is still to his ear, but there’s nothing on the other side. He can feel Remus’ eyes on him. “It’s James isn’t it?” He doesn’t stop tracing the circles on Sirius’ back. “Yeah,” his voice is a broken whisper. Remus’ volume meets his, “Oh, lover. He’ll get better, he always does.” He wraps his arms around Sirius’ waist, pulling his back into his chest, holding him. Tears fall from Sirius first, he doesn’t make noise, except for the few sharp breaths. Remus is only a few moments behind, tears not as prominent as Sirius’. He’s not much of a religious person, but he prays for his friend, just as he did all the times before.
__
Regulus finishes making their tea, and his phone dings.
Deer Boy: I’m sorry about all of this, I never wanted you to see me like this. You can go home if you want.
I’ll be there in just a minute, Mon Cerf.
He puts his phone in his pocket, and carries their cups into James’ bedroom. He’s greeted by James sitting in his bed, staring at his phone. He drops his hands into his lap, and looks at Regulus with disbelief. “My deer , really ?” Regulus chuckles, “What? I thought it was clever.” He shrugs as he says it, a smirk in his face. James laughs, scooting to the side of the bed to let Regulus sit. He does, and hands James his tea. “Thank you, really. But...you don’t have to do all this.” There’s guilt in his eyes, and Regulus can’t understand why. “Yes I do. I care about you, and this is how I show I care. Whether you like it or not, I’m here,” He pauses for a second, “Unless you don’t like it, and I’ll leave.” James chuckles, and he leans his head on Regulus’ shoulder. “I don’t want you to leave. I never do.” His voice is quiet, careful, as if they’re children talking while they should be asleep. “Well, I never will.”
__
They stayed in silence for a while, just being in each other's presence, drinking tea. It doesn’t take either of them long to finish, Regulus only a few moments after James. Even after they finish, they stay in silence, the only time they separate is to put their empty mugs on the bedside tables. At some point after James reaches for Regulus’ hand, and he laces their fingers together. Regulus moved his head, to look out of James’ window, and he was met with a sunset, a beautiful one, with reds, yellows, and oranges, but also different purples and blues, with clouds that could be seen as the entrance to heaven itself. James looks up at him, and follows his eyeline. They sit there, holding hands, watching one of the most beautiful sunsets together, and for a moment Regulus forgets everything except that.
“James?” His voice cracks from how long he hasn’t spoken, and James responds with a questioning hum, “Is it alright with you if I stay the night? I won’t pry, I just...was wondering.” James turns his head, and they’re faces are only a few inches apart, neither of them break eye contact, but Regulus swears he saw James’ eyes move down for a split second. “James?” His voice is quieter than he meant for it to be, and James moves back, only a couple inches, but for Regulus it feels like he moved a country away. “Of course you can stay, how could I say no to you?” He chuckles as he says it, but there’s something hidden behind it. “Do you want me to sleep in the guest room?” There's a small part of him hoping James would tell him to stay in the bed, stay with him. “I don’t mind where you sleep, though the guest room’s rather messy, and my mother would bring herself back just to lecture me if I let you sleep on the couch.”
He has that smile on his face, the smile that told everyone he was acting innocent, but he knew exactly what he was doing. Regulus grins at him, “Trying to get me in your bed, Potter?” James’ smile grows wider, “I haven’t heard anyone besides Snivellus call me that in years. ” Right as he said it James remembered the last time Regulus said that to him. It was after they had spent all day avoiding each other in Hogsmeade, until they met in Honeydukes,
“Where are the others, Potter?”
“Zonko’s, I was sent on candy duty.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, “Were you sent or did you offer?” James smiled, his bright, genuine smile. “I might’ve seen someone I know walk in here and offer myself up. Wormtail didn’t want to go anyway.” James had gotten closer now, they were in the back of the shop, where the not-so-popular candy is, so they were...relatively safe. Regulus looked around a few times to be sure. “Well, do you need help looking for them?” Regulus feigned innocence in his words as James stepped even closer, putting his hands on Regulus’ waist, “Why look for them, when I already found someone as perfect as you?”
Regulus smiled, face turning slightly red, “Trying to get me in your bed, Potter?” His voice was honey to James, there’s only a slight hint of teasing. James loved his voice, everything about it. But they were broken up by a familiar, stern voice,
“Mr.Potter,”
They turned their heads towards the voice, practically jumping apart from each other.
“Minnie.” He smiled at her nervously, but she turned her head to Regulus,
“Regulus.”
Regulus stood straight, with his head down, “Professor McGonagall.”
“Regulus?” He had one of his iconic tones, one where Regulus knew there was a story following. “Yeah?”
“Do you remember that time Minnie caught us in Honeydukes 7th year? While the others were at Zonko’s?” Regulus sat there, only having to think for a moment, when he remembered. A smile grew on his face, “I do! She asked to talk to me the next day, did I ever tell you about that?” James had a smile on his face, paired with a confused expression, “No, you have not. Tell me!”
Regulus’ smile is bright, his eyes having a sentimental remembrance in them. “Slughorn came up to me after Potions and told me McGonagall needed to talk to me, I figured it was about Honeydukes. I walked in her classroom as Remus and Sirius were leaving,” his face fell slightly for just a second, before his smile was back, and he continued. “She told me she was glad I was finally making more friends, but she gave me that look, like she knew but she didn’t want me embarrassed, so she didn’t say anything. She knew that I knew, so I just asked her if she...knew,” Regulus laughs, and James can’t stop staring, listening like it’s the last story he’ll ever hear, “And she said she figured it out a long time ago, and that Honeydukes wasn’t the first time she spotted us together. And- Oh my gods you’ll never guess what she said.”
James looked at him with raised eyebrows, “She said if I asked she’d personally escort me to your Common Room, to make sure I wouldn’t get in trouble with any of the other professors! I told her that it was unnecessary, and she told me if I get caught, to talk to her, so she could pardon it . Can you believe that?” James keeps staring at him, a soft smile on his face.
”How about we visit Hogwarts after the Holidays? It’ll be nice to catch up with everyone, especially Minnie.” Regulus' face lights up at James’ suggestion, “I’d love that, it sounds...rather fun.” He’s still got a bright, wide smile on his face.
“And we could bother Remus and Sirius at their workplace!” James seems more excited about that once he says it, “I’ve already got some ideas.” He has a satisfied smile on his face, and Regulus knows there’s nothing he could do to stop James once he starts.
They make eye contact again, neither of their smiles faltering, “I’ve got some clothes you can borrow for the night, unless you want to sleep in your jeans?” James’ voice is soft and resolute at the same time, and he gets out of his bed, Regulus following him. He opens his drawer, rummaging through for a moment “Do you want shorts or joggers? I’ve got...a few of both I’m pretty sure.” He looks at Regulus, “Are you kidding? It’s nearly negative 7 degrees outside, and your room is the furthest from the heating system.” He’s teasing, of course, he’d sleep in anything if it was with James, but he can’t say that, so he doesn’t. James smiles as he turns back to the drawer, pulling out a pair of joggers with a mischievous smirk plastered on his face, “Bet ya £5 you won’t wear these and post it.” Regulus gives him a confused look, walking closer to James, “Let me see,” he takes the trousers and looks at them, they’re plain gray with pink seams, “Turn them around.” He does, and he realizes what James was talking about. There’s a bedazzled ‘Bitch’ on the ass, with pink outlining. He shoots a look at James, “I’m not wearing these.”
“I’ll give you £10 if you post it, I doubt they’re comfortable so I won’t make you sleep in them.” He still has that smirk on his face, and Regulus rolls his eyes, “Fine.” He takes the joggers to the bathroom, coming out a moment later wearing them, fitting him surprisingly well, “Where did you even get these?”
“Lily bought them a few sizes too big, so she gave ‘em to me. I think they suit you better though.” Regulus rolls his eyes, and walks over to James’ body mirror, holding up his phone and taking a picture, “Make sure you get the best part!” Regulus narrows his eyes at James, before rolling them, and taking a few more photos. James goes into his bathroom to change, and comes out to Regulus handing his phone over, “If you’re so worried about what’s in the photo then you pick which one I post.” James looks at the phone and his face flushes almost immediately, seeing the lower half of Regulus’ body on the screen. In the picture he was facing away from the mirror with his torso turned around, the only parts really visible are the phone and Regulus’ ass in the mirror. He stood there with his eyes wide.
“James, are you gonna go through the photos or keep staring at that one?” James quickly raised his head at him, face red, with raised eyebrows and wide eyes. Regulus stood in front of him with his arms crossed, and a smug look on his face. “I- um,” His mouth opens and closes, and he looks back at the phone, scrolling through the photos, not meeting Regulus’ eye.
“This one?” James hands Regulus back his phone, and almost as soon as he took it James walked away, still not looking at him. He could feel Regulus staring at him, “Please don’t make fun of me.” James’ voice was pleading, and he heard Regulus chuckle at him. “Not my fault you looked like a tomato,” His voice was teasing, and James groaned, knowing the following day, maybe week , would be filled with constant reminding and teasing. But...he looked forward to it. He always looked forward to it.