Chapter 27
Sirius had been in a bad mood for days. He was hiding behind a fake smile, but Remus could tell. Something was off- he could see it in his eyes.
It had been almost a week since Sirius had slipped past his bedcurtains in the middle of the night or passed him a secret message coded in runes between classes. Remus was worried he had done something wrong, but every time he tried to ask Sirius, he just smiled sweetly and said he was fine; they were fine. The worst part was that it didn’t seem like James, or Marlene, or Pete noticed anything at all. They all went on like nothing was different about their friend, but maybe they were right.
Remus felt like he was going crazy.
So, when Lily asked him to study together in the library after Charms, he jumped at the opportunity to get away from the rest of the Marauders just for a bit. They stayed there, in the two worn armchairs tucked in the back of the library, until it was time to head to dinner, but Remus didn’t get a lick of studying done. He had his textbook open on his lap, but the words drifted, and all he could think about was pale blue eyes that seemed to grow duller by the day.
Lily sighed, placing a hand on his knee, making him stop the bouncing he hadn’t even noticed he was doing. “I can feel the gears turning in your head. What’s wrong?”
“I’m just reading,” he said.
She eyed him suspiciously, and he stared back. The lamplight cast deep shadows on her face, warping her features and making her hair look like it was the color of blood instead of autumn leaves. The stack of books behind her looked dangerously close to toppling over. “You’ve been on the same page for an hour.”
“That’s not true,” he said, but when he looked down at the forgotten book, he realized she was right. He sighed. “You’re right, Lils. I just can’t focus,” he said. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth, either.
The redhead snorted. “I can see that.” Then she leaned in closer to whisper in his ear, “Is it because of the moon?”
“No,” he said quickly. He still had a few days, and while he had started to feel the pull of the moon on his joint, it wasn’t what had him feeling so preoccupied. “I think I’m just hungry,” he lied.
“Alright,” she said. He could tell she didn’t quite believe him from the face she gave him, but she didn’t question him. “Well, let’s head down to the Great Hall. It’s about time for dinner anyway.”
They walked arm in arm like they always did, even though Remus had to hunch a little since his last growth spurt. They were almost there, walking past the open courtyard, when they heard the shouting. Remus recognized the voices at once.
Lily did too, if the way she pushed through the crowd that had gathered around the frozen-over fountain was any indication. It was a sea of school-issued cloaks, of knit scarves and hats in red, green, yellow, and blue. Students whistled and jeered all around him. Remus followed close behind her, one hand still on her elbow, and shouldering anyone who dared stand in his way.
They broke through the crowd just in time to see Mulciber aim a hex right at Sirius. Remus tensed, but Sirius dodged the spell and hit Mulciber and Avery with his own. The oafish lugs gasped and fell to their knees, their fat fingers clutched at their necks as if they were trying to remove an invisible noose. Remus didn’t know what the spell was, didn’t even know where Sirius could have possibly learned it.
“Stop, stop,” Lily yelled. “As Gryffindor Prefect, I order you all to stop it this instant!”
No one listened to her. The crowd had grown in size, and the sound of the chanting drowned out whatever Snape said next, but the way it made James bristle told him it wasn’t good.
“Snivelus, you slimy git,” James sneered, his wand raised. “I think it’s finally time you took a shower.” A stream of water spouted from his wand, and, for a moment, Remus was reminded of how he had sat back and watched Dorcas Meadows douse Marlene in the same way. The water turned to frost in Snape’s stringy, black hair as soon as it hit the December air.
Remus reached for his wand, ready to join the fight, ready to help his friend this time instead of sitting back and watching in shock, but Lily grabbed onto the sleeve of his jumper. “You better not, Lupin.”
He was about to push past her— she would forgive him eventually, but before he could, Snape raised his own wand, and James flew into the crowd. He landed flat on his back. Remus wanted to run to him, but Frank Longbottom and Gideon Prewett got to him first. They helped him up, hoisting him up by his armpits, and started to look for his glasses that had flown from his face.
“Shite,” he heard him curse from over the roar of the crowd.
“What’s the matter, Potter? Can’t see?”
It was then he heard Sirius laugh, a hollow, bone-chilling kind of laugh. It made the hair on Remus’ arms stand on end, and he couldn’t look away. The next thing he knew, Snape was hanging upside down by one foot, his robes hanging down over his head, and his trousers vanished. His dingy underpants were on display for the whole school.
A roar of laughter filled the courtyard, and James, with his glasses back on his nose, came up behind Sirius with a supporting hand on his shoulder. “Good one, Pads,” he praised his friend.
Lily ran into the middle of the crowd. “Stop it,” she yelled again. She shoved Sirius, catching him off guard, and he fell to the ground. With his wand lowered and his focus gone, Snape dropped unceremoniously into the snow, and Avery fell forward as the binding spell was lifted, releasing a string of yellow-colored vomit. Mulciber was coughing, gasping, his face now a scary shade of red.
“Watch it, Evans,” he turned on her. His wand was still raised, and his nostril flared. He was ready to attack, but Remus and James were both there instantly, holding his arms down.
“Padfoot—” Remus said, holding his wand arm down by his side. “Calm down. Shh,” he whispered so only Sirius could hear, then again and again until he saw his soul mate take a deep breath.
Lily looked at all of them, but mostly Sirius and James, and seethed. “You’re all a bunch of bullies,” she yelled. It sounded familiar. It was the same thing she had said after their last targeted prank, and Remus felt a wave of shame even though he had nothing to do with the fight.
He opened his mouth to apologize, but the sound of Snape groaning caught all of their attention. He stood, righting himself and his robes. His face was murderous and ugly, but it wasn’t turned at any of the Marauders. No, he was looking right at Lily.
“I don’t need a Mudblood fighting my battles for me.”
Remus saw red.
Someone had to pull him off Snape moments later, but not before he got a few hits in. There was blood splattered on the snow, and the knuckles on Remus’ right hand stung. He flexed his hand and realized one of his knuckles had busted open and was bleeding. Snaped leaned over and spit more blood into the slush as Remus caught his breath, firm hands holding him back.
“Mr. Lupin, what are you thinking?” Remus heard through the pounding in his ears, the blood that had rushed to his head. It was Slughorn. Remus realized it was him who had pulled him off the Slytherin.
Remus didn’t answer. He breathed heavily through his nose while the Potions professor marched him, Sirius, James, and Peter straight to McGonagal’s office.
They reported for their first of five detentions immediately after dinner that same night. They were separated. McGonagall had thought it best not to have James and Sirius serve detention in the same room, so James and Peter were cleaning the locker rooms with Madame Hooch while Remus and Sirius polished trophies with a muggle toothbrush with McGonagall.
“I’m surprised to see you here, Mr. Lupin,” was the only thing their head of house said to him after Sluggy had informed her of what happened. He wished she would take away his prefect status, but he wasn’t so lucky.
Slughorn’s tale was blown out of proportion, of course— the old Slytherin had a penchant for exaggeration. According to the Potions professor, the four of them had ganged up on Snape, 4 on 1. There was no mention of Avery or Mulciber and no mention that Peter had mostly stayed out of the whole ordeal, pushed out into the sidelines as his fear of dueling overtook him.
None of them spoke up to correct the old man, though.
The room was filled with a pregnant silence as McGonagall watched them like a hawk with her lips pursed tightly, until the head girl came in to talk with her. The 7th year whispered something, then McGonagall cleared her throat. Sirius and Remus lifted their heads. “I will return momentarily. I expect both of you to be on your best behavior while I am gone.”
Remus sighed as soon as she was gone, and Sirius flashed his eyes over to him for a second before going back to scrubbing at the trophy in his hands. It was a bronze House cup, from the looks of it, probably over a century old. There was no silver in the room, and Remus realized McGonagall had probably vanished them elsewhere.
“Why did you do it?” he asked finally, after watching Sirius scrub away at the tarnished handle.
“Do what?” Sirius’ voice was icy.
“Why did you start a fight with Snape, out in the open, in front of everyone?” Remus demanded.
Sirius shrugged, not looking up. It infuriated Remus to no end. Look at me, he wanted to scream. All of the feelings he had felt all week were suddenly at the forefront of his mind. Sirius was acting weird. Sirius wouldn’t talk to him about something that was obviously bothering him, and now he wouldn’t even look at him.
“Dunno. He was there?”
“He was there?” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Really?”
“What’s your problem?” Sirius was finally looking at him, but Remus didn’t like the way his eyes were narrowed in anger. “Are you Snivelus’ best friend all of a sudden? Why do you care?”
“I don’t have a problem,” Remus all but yelled. He went back to his own trophy and toothbrush, hellbent on ignoring Sirius for the rest of the night.
“You obviously have a problem, so just spit it out already.”
“I just think you took it a bit too far.” Remus chanced a glance at Sirius. The other boy was holding himself stiffly, looking down at his hands, his hair falling over his eyes. “I mean, you didn’t have to pants the guy, did you?”
“I took it too far?” Sirius scoffed. “You’re the one who hit him.”
It wasn’t the same. How could he think it was the same? He only hit Snape because of what he said to Lily, and if he was being honest, he hadn’t even made a conscious decision to hit him. Something in him had taken over. Maybe it was a wolf thing. He wanted to say something but shut his mouth as he heard McGonagall’s footsteps just outside the door.
They didn’t talk for the next few days. Sirius ignored him in the dorm, in the Great Hall, and he even sat with James in all the classes they shared with the other two Marauders. Sirius skipped Runes altogether, the one class where he would have no choice but to sit next to Remus.
It’s not like Remus had tried to talk to him either, though. He was still mad at him, though he knew it wasn’t because of what he had done to Snape.
Maybe disappointed was a better word. He was disappointed because Sirius wouldn’t tell him what was going on in his head. There was clearly something going on. Remus had tried, those first few days, not to let it bother him. He knew Sirius often needed time to process things, but not knowing was making him worry, and he felt like he had a right to know, at least a hint at what was going on. They were soul mates, he had met Sirius’ family, and they had snogged on Halloween, though he was still sure Sirius had no recollection of that night. It hurt to think that Sirius was keeping something from him.
The December full moon had finally rolled around a few nights later, and even though his frustration with Sirius hadn’t disappeared, he hoped the other boy would still show up at the Shrieking Shack. The chances of that were looking slim, though, as the minutes inched closer and closer to the moonrise.
“Where the hell is Padfoot?” James paced the length of the abandoned bedroom. Peter watched him, biting his lip, but Remus didn’t look up from his knees that were covered with the ratty quilt. He breathed in through his mouth, trying to avoid the dank smell of the shack that was even worse in the Winter as the wood swelled and rotted with the dampness of the snow. It made him think of his father’s cabin.
“Prongs, stop,” Remus snapped, and James halted his pacing steps immediately. “Sorry,” Remus tried again, resolving to keep the irritation out of his voice. “Just please stand still. Please.”
“Sorry, Moony. Where is he, though? He’s never late.”
“He’ll be here,” Peter said, though Remus wasn’t so sure.
“You guys should change.” James opened his mouth to protest, but Remus shot him a stern look. Remus closed his eyes as nausea wracked through his body and was met with the big brown eyes of the stag when he reopened them.
Another wave of nausea, and then his spine cracked. He felt the pin-prickly feeling of fur shooting out from his pores. The door opened, and Sirius, with a determined look on his face, stood in the frame.
“Padfoot, change—”
He didn’t remember anything else.
He came to for a short moment in the shack to the feeling of Padfoot’s dog tongue licking the side of his face, into his hairline and inside of his ear. He let it comfort him as he blacked out once again.
He awoke for real a few hours later, tucked into a hospital bed in Pomfrey’s infirmary. Peter was in the chair closest to his bed. He was snoring with his head jammed into an uncomfortable-looking angle. Remus reached over and shook his shoulder, ignoring the popping of his joints as he stretched.
Peter jolted, coughed, then sat up in the chair like he had never been asleep. “Oh good, you’re up. Pomfrey left you some breakfast.”
“Not hungry,” he mumbled. Peter looked at the plate hopefully, and Remus waved his hand with permission for him to help himself. “Where’s Prongs and Pads?” he asked as the other boy started to butter a slice of brown bread.
“Dorm, I guess,” he shrugged. “James said to come check on you.”
“Oh,” Remus said and tried not to sound disappointed. He supposed nothing had changed, even though Sirius had shown up the night before, just in time for him to lose consciousness. That meant they were still fighting, and Sirius was still being secretive. Peter ate next to him in silence, and Remus closed his eyes, pretending like he had gone back to bed. After some time, he heard Peter leave.
He stayed in the hospital wing as long as he could, telling Pomfrey that he had some pain in his leg. She did one of her usual scans, her hand hovering over the same knee he had dislocated last term. The feeling of her magic gave him goosebumps.
She hummed when she didn’t find anything wrong with him. “You seem fine to me, Deery, but if it’s really bothering you, we can try the brace again.”
Remus blanched. “That won’t be necessary.” He flexed his leg. “I’m starting to feel better already.”
She chuckled. “Alright, you rest a little more, then I’ll let you head back to your dorm.”
She finally forced him out of the bed after dinner. “Walking around might do your leg some good,” she had said. The lines around her eyes crinkled as she patted him on the back.
The others were there when he got back to the dorm. James and Peter were gathered on James’ bed, pouring over a copy of Quidditch Weekly together. “Alright, Moony?” James asked.
“Fine.” Remus smiled at them awkwardly in greeting and moved straight for his own bed, ignoring Sirius, who was perched on the windowsill.
His plan was to hide in his bed for the rest of the night, but his curtains moved back an inch almost as soon as he had closed them, and Sirius climbed into his bed after him. It was unexpected, but Remus moved over to accommodate him anyway.
“Here.” Sirius handed him a bar of chocolate from the sleeve of his jumper, Remus’ jumper. His head was tilted down, and he gazed at Remus through his eyelashes.
Remus stared at it and then recognized it for the olive branch that it was. He took it, peeled back the foil, then broke off a piece and handed it to Sirius, then did the same for himself. Sirius took the square of chocolate and smiled softly. They chewed in silence. It wasn’t an apology, but it was good enough for them.
Lily iced him out for days after the fight. He apologized to her. He even groveled, but it wasn’t until her date for the Slug Club Annual Winter Bash— Denis Coyne, 5th year Hufflepuff— fell ill with the stomach flu and had to spend the last week before Winter break holed up in the hospital wing that Lily finally folded.
It wasn’t his scene, really. He had managed to avoid the Slug Club so far; not that it was hard, Slughorn would never jump to invite a werewolf into his exclusive club. Lily really wanted to go, though, and she had come to him with watery eyes, begging him to go with her.
He had no choice but to say yes.
The party was held on the last day, at the end of exams. They would all be heading to the train station in just a few hours, bright and early, home to spend the holidays with their families.
Remus had to borrow a set of dress robes from James. They were a deep red velvet, with a cream shirt underneath. They fit him loosely; James had always been a bit broader in the chest than he was, but Sirius helped him shrink them down, so they fit more comfortably. He also lengthened the pant legs a few centimeters while James wasn’t looking.
Sirius seemed to enjoy the process of dressing him up. He fastened his cufflinks (also borrowed from James) and messed with his hair until it sat the way it was supposed to. When he was done, he caressed his cheek with the tips of his fingers. James, who had been overseeing the whole thing, pretended to wretch. They both ignored him.
“Don’t you clean up nicely,” Sirius chuckled.
“Shuddup,” Remus said, though he couldn’t help but smile.
He met up with Lily at the bottom of the stairs. She looked lovely in a burnt orange dress and was holding a fish-bowl-shaped flowerpot with a single waterlily floating in the center. Remus groaned when he saw her. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”
“Jeez, Reem, you could at least act like you’re happy to spend some time with me,” she said, but she was laughing, so Remus knew she wasn’t mad. He faked a smile that was more like a grimace and made Lily snort.
The Slug Club was worse than he expected. With the exception of Lily, everyone there was stuffy and dull. Remus hung out by the food table the whole night while Lily talked to Slughorn and some of the other professors who had made an appearance. He would have to tease her later for the obvious schmoozing.
A couple of girls came up to him to ask him to dance while Lily was making her rounds. He shot them down as kindly as he could, but after the third girl left dejected, he caught Lily’s eye with a look that he hoped said, get your ass over here and save me.
She excused herself from the conversation she was having with Professor Slughorn and made her way over to him. “Come on, you, let’s dance.” She wrapped her arm around his bicep and started to pull him towards the dance floor where people were swaying slowly to the music.
“Lily, spare me, please.”
“You have to dance with me because you’re my date,” she informed him.
So, he danced with her for two songs, if you could call the awkward teetering he did dancing, until she felt satisfied enough to sit with him at one of the tables.
“Thanks for coming with me,” she told him. “No, really,” she said when Remus tried to brush her off. To him, it wasn’t a big deal, he was starting to think he would do anything for her. “I was hoping Sev would ask me, but then, you know what happened.” She sniffled. “Not that he would, ya know, he never liked to be seen with me at school.”
“God, I hate that guy.”
“He’s not so bad,” she said. “At least he wasn’t,” she added when Remus gave her an incredulous look. “But I’ve decided that I’m not going to be friends with him anymore. Even if he apologizes. I just can’t.”
“Good. I’m proud of you, Lils.” Remus wanted to say more, but Alice and a few girls from the herbology club joined them at their table. They were giggling, frazzled from the heat of the dance floor, and swept Lily up into their conversation. He was glad to see Alice; she was nice enough, but he could have done without her gaggle of friends. Remus listened to them talk quietly and vetted the seemingly unending questions from their dates. They all wanted to know what his plans were after school (he didn’t have any) or where he had last gone on holiday (he had never gone on holiday).
It was towards the end of the night when one of them brought up his father. “Lupin, is it?” One of the boys asked. He was clean-cut and looked like he took himself way too seriously for a fifteen-year-old. “Is there any way you can put in a good word with your father for me? An internship at the ministry—”
Remus didn’t let him finish. “What do you mean?”
“Isn’t your father Lyle Lupin? The head of the department for—”
“No. There’s no relation,” Remus said quickly.
The guy looked confused. “Oh, I thought—”
Luckily, Lily had heard the whole thing and chose that time to cut in. She feigned a yawn and stretched her arms. “Are you ready to turn in, Reem? We’ve still got to catch the train in the morning.”
Remus nodded, took her hand, and waited as Lily bid Alice and her friends a good night. They took their time walking back to the tower. “Thanks for that,” he told her.
She waved him off and groaned. “Ugh, everyone there is so obsessed with networking. It’s insufferable.”
“Why did you go, then?”
“To network,” she laughed.
Remus smiled.
There seemed to be a small party happening in the common room when they returned. From the looks of it, their friends and a few other Gryffindors had congregated in front of the fire with a bottle of fire whiskey. Lily joined Marlene and Mary on the hearth, angling herself away from James, who sat nearby with his arms thrown over the back of the sofa. Remus didn’t see Sirius among them, so he continued up the stairs to the dorm, ignoring James and Peter as they tried to wave him over.
Sirius wasn’t in the dorm either, but the map was lying on top of the record player. He tucked it into the inside pocket of his borrowed robes and bounded down the stairs again and out the portrait hole before anyone could stop him.
He found Sirius tucked into the narrow, winding stairwell that led to the Divination classroom. There was no one there at this time of night, and it would have been oddly peaceful if it weren’t for the sound of Sirius sniffling. Remus tried to keep his footsteps quiet, but Sirius lifted his head as Remus rounded the corner, expecting him.
“How did you find me?” he asked.
“Map.”
Sirius just hummed as Remus came to sit on the step next to him. His eyes were red, and Remus started to rub soothing circles on his back. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
Remus watched as Sirius clenched, then unclenched his jaw. His nostrils flared then he took a shaky breath. “Narcissa,” he started. “My cousin is getting married over the break.”
“To Malfoy, right?” Remus didn’t see what that had to do with Sirius. He waited, then nudged the other to encourage him to keep going.
“Yeah, to Malfoy. Mother’s making me go.”
“Oh,” Remus breathed. “That means—”
“I’ve been ordered home. I can’t go to Alphard’s for Christmas.”
Remus pulled him in with the hand that was already on his back. He didn’t know what to say, but he got the feeling that Sirius didn’t need him to say anything. He held him, and Sirius rested the side of his head against his shoulder. “You could have told me,” Remus whispered after a while.
“Fuck, I know. I just didn’t want it to be real.”
It was quiet again after that. Sirius rubbed at his eyes and his stained cheeks until Remus pulled his hand away and held it in his lap, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.
He heard Sirus take a deep breath, then “Remus, please?” he heard him ask in a broken whisper.
“Please what?”
“Kiss me.”
Remus almost gasped. He looked into Sirius’ eyes, searching. They shouldn’t, he wanted to say, but the next thing he knew, Sirius was climbing into his lap, and Remus didn’t have the will to stop him. Their lips touched, lightly, then Sirius opened his mouth, and their tongues met and moved together.
It was aggressive and needy. Their teeth clacked, and he felt Sirius bite down on his bottom lip. His hands had slid down to Sirius’ hips and gripped him tight enough to leave bruises as Sirius’ went to tangle in his hair. Eventually, they had to pull apart to breathe. Sirius didn’t go too far, though; he placed wet kisses on Remus’ cheek, jaw, and chin as Remus tried to catch his breath. Then Remus felt a sharp pain in his scalp as Sirius pulled his head back to bite his neck. The feeling of teeth on skin made every thought in his head disappear.
“Come on.” Sirius squeaked as Remus pulled him up. He laced their fingers together and pulled him back to Gryffindor tower at a pace that could almost be considered a jog. Remus couldn’t quell the urgency that ran through his veins. He needed Sirius. He needed him somewhere else that wasn’t in the middle of an open stairwell where anyone could stumble across them.
Their friends were still in the common room when they returned, laughing and having a good time before most of them went home for the break the next day. Sirius ducked his head to hide his tear-streaked face, but almost no one paid them any attention as Remus pulled him along to the dorms. He chanced a look back before they disappeared up the stairs to see James looking up at them, with one raised brow.
Remus looked back with wide eyes, pointedly, hoping James would get the hint to keep Peter out of the dorm for a while. Thankfully, he seemed to understand. He threw his head back with a laugh and winked. Have fun, he mouthed.