Chapter 22
Remus woke up the day after the September full moon in a hospital bed with Sirius’ hair tickling his elbow. He was slumped forward in his chair with his head resting on the edge of the bed. Remus reached over with his opposite hand and brushed some of the hair from his eyes.
“You tuckered him out last night,” James said. Remus hadn’t known he was there, but he turned his head at the sound of his voice and saw that James had pulled up another armchair from one of the other beds. “Moony was very affectionate last night,” James said in a teasing but pointed tone. Remus just hummed, not really processing James’ words.
“Where’s Pete?” Remus asked groggily. The dreamless sleep potion was still swirling around his subconscious, making him feel like he was floating in space.
“Up in the dorm. He said he couldn’t sleep in the chairs.”
Remus hummed again. It was then that James’ earlier words caught up to him. “Did you say I was affectionate?” He groaned and scrubbed his hand over his eyes. “Crap, what did I do?” Remus chanced a look at James, but his expression didn’t give anything away.
“Not much, but you were very protective of Padfoot. Wouldn’t let either of us get near him. And there was lots of licking.”
“Licking?”
“I think you were trying to groom him.”
He sighed, that wasn’t so bad. Then he remembered Peter had been there and he still didn’t know about them. “Fuck, and Peter? Were we being obvious?”
“Don’t worry about him. I think you could shag in front of Peter, and he would still think you guys are just friends.”
“We are just friends.” But even as he said it, he knew it wasn’t true. He wasn’t able to keep a straight face and ended up with a lopsided grin in his half-drugged-up state.
“Yeah, right.” James threw his head back with a laugh, which caused Sirius to stir but not wake entirely.
Sirius slept until Pomfrey kicked both him and James out of the hospital wing. “Out you two, Mr. Lupin needs some proper rest.” When they were gone, Pomfrey looked him over once again. She made him drink a pain potion that didn’t work and prodded at his swollen knee. “I don’t like the look of this,” she mumbled mostly to herself, then, “How long has it been like this? Since May?”
“Erm yeah, but it’s only this bad right after the moon.”
“But it hurts every day?” She didn’t give Remus time to respond. She tsked at him. “You should have come to see me sooner.”
Madame Pomfrey fitted a brace around his knee and prescribed him a few more hours of rest. While he slept, Remus felt her magic pouring into him as she performed healing spells one after the other on his knee. None of them fixed him.
It was dinnertime when she finally let him go for the day. “You must wear the brace every day until it’s healed,” she reminded him. “And I’ve alerted your professors, so don’t think you can get away with not wearing it.” He went straight up to the dorm while the others were in the Great Hall and closed his curtains tightly around his bed. He skipped dinner that night and slept straight until morning. He didn’t even hear when the others came in after dinner or when Sirius poked his head in to make sure he was alright later that evening.
The next morning, he fastened the brace around his knee once again, cursing the fact that it wouldn’t fit under his trousers, and sent his roommates a look that told them he didn’t want to talk about it. He was buttering a slice of toast at the Gryffindor table when it all started.
The first girl that came up to him was a Hufflepuff, short and mousy, and looked to be in her fourth year. She tapped him on the shoulder, and he craned his neck to look at her, assuming that she needed him for some kind of prefect business.
“Hi, Remus,” the girl said sweetly. He didn’t know how she knew his name, but he guessed his reputation (or the marauders’ reputation, he should say) proceeded him. He didn’t know her name. He looked at his friends with a puzzled look, but they didn’t seem to have any answers either. “I was wondering if you’re okay.” She stuttered a bit when she spoke. “I saw your cast; did you break your leg?”
“Erm, it’s just a brace,” Remus said awkwardly. “And I’m fine.”
“Oh, that’s good. I hope you feel better.” She looked like she wanted to say more, but she just batted her eyelashes at him before flitting away, back to a group of girls who were watching the whole interaction and giggled when she came back to them.
“What was that about?” Sirius asked once she was out of earshot.
“Dunno.”
“Birds are bloody weird sometimes,” Peter said with a shrug and went back to his breakfast.
She wasn’t the last girl to act oddly around him that day, though. There was something about the knee brace that made them all lose their minds. All morning, girls were coming up to him with get-well-soon cards, chocolates (which he reluctantly accepted), or offers to carry his bag for him or walk him to his next class.
It was starting to get old, and Remus felt his cheeks flame every time he saw someone new approaching him. He was able to avoid a few, but some were persistent and followed him as he tried to make his escape.
The only thing that kind of made it worth it was to see how every girl made Sirius bristle with jealousy. And it was jealousy, Remus had no doubt about it. It made butterflies swoop inside of him, all warm and tickling. Sirius would stare daggers at them during each interaction, but it wasn’t until lunch when a third-year Ravenclaw approached him with a bouquet of yellow flowers, that Sirius lost it. “He’s fine,” Sirius yelled with more force than was necessary. The whole school turned to look at them. “Get lost!”
“That was kind of mean, Pads,” James admitted when she had run out of the Great Hall with tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “She’s only a third year.”
Sirius rounded on James, his nostrils flaring. “You can get lost too, then.”
“Hey—”
Remus pushed his plate away, his lunch hardly touched, and got up from the table. “Come on, Pads,” he said but didn’t bother to turn to see if he was following as he limped out of the Great Hall. He needed to get out of there.
He walked through the corridors, through the courtyard, and down to the grounds towards the edge of the forest. When he stopped, Sirius was right behind him, running his fingers through his hair. He was irritated. He didn’t stop when Remus did and continued pacing in a circle around him.
Remus sat down on the grass against a thick tree root that was protruding from the ground, fumbling a bit as the brace prevented him from bending his knee, and lit a cigarette. He only had a few packs left in his stash, along with a bag and a half of baccy, but at the rate he had been smoking, he would have to find someone at school to buy more from. It would be harder, now that he was a prefect. Everyone would think he was some kind of narc, but maybe he could just confiscate some if it came to it— he knew where all of the secret smoking spots were anyway. He inhaled and held it out to Sirius to make him stop pacing. “Here,” he said, blowing smoke from the corner of his mouth.
Sirius stopped in front of him. “Thanks,” he said and plopped down on the ground next to Remus. He hunched forward and rested his head on his knee. “I’m sorry, Remus,” he said quietly as he passed the cigarette back to him.
Remus shook his head. “The only person you have to apologize to is Prongs.”
Sirius groaned. “Fuck, I can’t believe I told him to get lost.”
Remus cracked a smile. “He’ll get over it.
The first signs of autumn were present in the air; Remus could feel it in his bones. The grass around them had already started to die, growing paler and more brittle, and the leaves had already started to change color. Green to gold. The only thing that remained constant were the evergreens deeper into the forest, miles away, that protected the ancient and unknown creatures that dwelled within.
He stubbed the cigarette out on the sole of his shoe when it burned to the filter. He didn’t say anything, just watched as Sirius pulled blades of grass out of the earth and tore them to shreds. He looked far away. The bell tolled, signaling the end of lunch, but neither of them moved to get up and make their way back to the castle. They would be late to class, but he was sure Dromgoole would take his injury as a good enough excuse.
Remus nudged his shoulder, and Sirius was brought out of his thoughts. “Thank you, Pads.”
“Huh?”
“For telling that girl off. I haven’t had a break all day.”
Sirius smiled. “Anytime, Moons.” He hauled himself up then held a hand out to Remus, who grasped it gratefully. He was glad he didn’t have to ask but there was no way he would be able to get up on his own. The corridors were mostly empty as they finally made their way to class, and no one tried to talk to him.
“Nice of you two to join us,” Dromgoole droned as they entered the classroom on the 6th floor and found their seats at the back of the room. She looked miffed about being interrupted but she didn’t take any points away from their house.
Ancient Runes class made Sirius feel better or at least helped him take his mind off of what happened. Remus was trying to focus on the professor’s lecture but couldn’t keep himself from zoning out. At one point, his eyes drifted from the front of the room to Sirius, who happened to already be looking at him. They shared a smile then Sirius bent over a piece of parchment and started scribbling on it. He passed it to Remus a minute later and it was covered in a string of runes, that Remus didn’t know.
“Our own secret language, remember?”
Remus opened his copy of Spellman’s Syllabary and started to translate the message, a smile playing at his lips. He barely finished it by the time class was over. Sirius, and the rest of the class, had already packed up to leave when Remus found the last rune he needed to translate. It read: your hair looks very curly today.
“Thanks?” Remus said with a laugh.
“You’re going to need to get a lot faster at that if you want to pass notes in class.”
For the rest of the day, everyone besides James, Pete, and their other friends avoided him as long as Sirius was nearby, and Remus made sure he was always nearby. He kept his hand on his shoulder as they walked to and from dinner and his arm slung across the back of the sofa behind his head as they sat in the common room that night. To anyone else, it just looked like friendly touches. Meaningless. But they both knew better.
They used the injury as an excuse to be close to each other, even though the hype about his knee brace had already died down. It was like last year, after easter hols, when they couldn’t stand to be more than an inch away from each other, but this time they weren’t bothering to be sneaky about it. They were toeing the line between friends and more than friends, but Remus liked where they were. It was exhilarating and Remus had never felt so floaty. James, Marlene, and Lily gave them knowing looks, but Remus just rolled his eyes at them.
He was careful about not pushing it too far, though. He would have kissed him already, would have thrown all caution to the wind, if it wasn’t for the way he could hear Sirius’ heartbeat accelerate and the nervous laughs that bubbled out of him when Remus got too close.
He still maintained that he could hold out until Christmas. He knew it would be worth it, something about delayed gratification and all that. He just wanted Sirius to feel safe. He was a monster, but he wasn’t a monster. Neither of them were ready and the last thing he wanted was for them to rush things and fizzle out too soon.
Even after Remus’ knee felt mostly better and he didn’t have to wear the brace to every class, the two of them were inseparable. Sirius had even started dragging him to quidditch practices with him, where he would sit in the stands with a book while the team flew through the air around him. And when they weren’t together, like during that one dreaded class they didn’t share or while Remus was forced to do prefect duties, Sirius made sure he wouldn’t miss his presence. He would be looking for a quill during Divination and pull out a folded piece of parchment with a secret message for him written in runes that Sirius had snuck into his bag, or feel a phantom touch on his ear as he walked the halls after curfew with Lily or one of the other prefects.
It always made him smile so much, to the point where his friends would have to ask if he was alright. He just couldn’t help himself. It was that warm, fuzzy feeling that he got when he thought of Sirius, and he slowly started to realize that it had always been there. Since they were 11 years old, though Remus had always tried to repress it in fear that Sirius would never feel the same.
He didn’t have to push the feeling down, anymore, though. Now, he would let himself bask in it.
…
Divination was far from Remus’ favorite subject. The incense that Professor Gambara burned constantly gave him a headache and the tables were small and low to the ground. Marlene was right— he did look like a baby moose. It had been even worse when he had to wear the knee brace. Several people, including Professor Gambara herself, had nearly tripped on it. He was glad he didn’t have to wear it anymore, not until the next moon, at least. He was sure his knee would act up again after the next transformation.
The class itself wasn’t too bad, though. Remus had a hard time believing in the validity of it all, but it was an easy O, as Mary had said. You could pull a prediction out of your ass and Gambara would say, “Interesting!” and give you full marks.
Marlene was particularly good at the subject, despite how little she actually cared. She and Mary were hellbent on making up the most outlandish predictions, but each time Marlene opened her mouth, Professor Gambara showered her with praise. “You have a natural gift, young witch,” she would say in her tinny voice.
Their assignment that day was to practice reading tea leaves. The four of them crowded around the table— it was even more crowded now that Peter had successfully transferred into the class— with four teacups and saucers placed before them. Remus stirred his tea with the tiny spoon that Mary had called a demitasse spoon (whatever that was) and drained his cup. It was hot and burned his tongue and had a bitter taste to it like it had been left to steep too long.
“Blegh,” Mary let out as she did the same. “Needs sugar.” The rest of them nodded in agreement. Marlene finished the rest of her tea with a wince and handed the cup to her. Mary hummed as she looked it over. “Me thinks you are going to be a famous rockstar someday,” she laughed, “and a professional quidditch player, too.”
“Wow, Mary, you really think so?” Marlene asked sarcastically.
“Oh, totally!” The two of them collapsed in a fit of giggles, jostling the table and almost spilling Peter’s tea.
“Here you go, Pete.” Remus handed him his cup. “What do you see for me?”
Peter stared into the spent leaves that littered the bottoms of the porcelain. “I think it means…” He closed one eye as if it would give him better insight. “you’re going to be all wet and soggy.”
“Wet and soggy?”
“Yeah? Maybe it’s going to rain soon?”
Marlene scoffed and snatched the teacup from his hands. “Let me see that.”
Professor Gambara, who had been walking about the classroom, stopped behind her to check her work. “What do you see, girl?”
Marlene snorted. “Looks to me like somebody’s in love,” she cackled, teasing.
“Come on Marls, spare me.”
“Oh, I see! Yes, right there!” Gambara reached over Marlene’s shoulder to point into the teacup. “The flower, there, right in the middle. It’s clear as day.”
Mary ooh’d and pinched his cheeks. “Aww, our little Lupin is growing up.”
Some other students in their class looked their way, curious about all the commotion coming from their table. Remus sunk deeper into the cushion he was sitting on and wished he could disappear completely.
“Moony in love? No way, he hardly ever talks to girls besides you lot.”
Marlene shrugged. “It’s in the leaves,” she said, as if that made it undeniable.
Remus thought he had heard the last of it, but boy, was he wrong. He was in the library with Lily, working on a potion essay that was due later that week when it came up again. Of course, Sirius was there, too— he hardly left his side nowadays (not that Remus was complaining), and since Sirius was there, James was there, and since James was there, Pete was there.
“You lot have some serious codependency issues,” Lily commented as the four of them sat down.
Remus had just started to get into the swing of his essay— it was a lot harder with all of the Marauders around, especially since Sirius and James couldn’t help but mess around whenever they were together— when Mary walked up to their table with a clipboard and quill in hand.
“Where’s the missus, Remus?” she teased, ruffling his hair. Peter threw his head back with a loud hoot of laughter, causing Madame Pince to shush him from behind the circulation desk.
Remus ducked out of her reach and ignored her question. “Do you need something, MacDonald?”
“Yes, actually,” she said. “I need signatures for my petition to get a phone booth put in at the village.”
“Why not get one put in at school?”
“Dumbledore already said the wards would interfere with the phone signal,” she sighed. “So Hogsmeade it is. It’s better than nothing I guess.”
“I’ll sign,” James said. “Pass it here.” The rest of them followed suit.
“Good luck, Mare,” Lily said when they had all finished signing the petition.
“Thanks, Lils.” She placed a hand over hers on the table. “It’s really a shame that no one has thought of it until now. I’m starting to think that no one around here cares about us muggle borns and half-bloods.”
“We care,” James said. “Pads and I can take the petition to practice tonight and have the whole team sign it.”
“Thanks, James, that would be really helpful.”
She was off after that, stating that she was going to try to find some professors to sign the petition, and as soon as she was gone, James and Sirius were both on him like sharks.
“What’s this about Moony having a missus?”
Peter laughed again, this time trying to keep quiet so he wouldn’t get kicked out. “We were reading tea leaves in Divination, and Moony’s said he was in love,” he explained through gasps of air.
Remus could feel his neck turn red and Lily covered her mouth with her hand, hiding a smile behind her fingers. He didn’t want to see Sirius’ reaction, but he chanced a look anyway, knowing that he couldn’t avoid it for long. He was smiling sweetly at him and shot him a wink when Remus looked over. Remus groaned. He wished he could just crawl into his bookbag and stay there forever.
“Oh, is he now?” James snorted.
“Fat chance, I’ve never even seen him talk to a broad,” Peter wheezed. “Gambara is the biggest nut I’ve ever met!”
Lily couldn’t contain her laughter any longer. Spit flew past her fingers and onto her book in front of her, and even a little on Remus’, as her face contorted into a shape he had never seen before. James and Pete did the same, and he could even hear Sirius join in. Remus dropped his head, so his face was buried in his potions textbook and thought about the best ways to get revenge on his Divination classmates. Especially Mary.
Suddenly Madam Pince was standing before them, one angry fist on her cocked hip. “That’s enough,” she yelled. “Out of my library.”
The five of them made the walk of shame out of the library, and, although Remus kept his eyes ahead of him like a racehorse, he felt when Sirius sidled up next to him to walk in tandem. Their fingers brushed and then he was gone, jogging ahead to catch up with Peter and James, throwing an arm around each of their shoulders.
He and Lily hung back, and she looked at him with an amused expression. “I don’t want to hear it,” he warned her.
She raised her palms in surrender. “Alright, alright,” she said then whispered something under her breath that Remus didn’t catch.
…
James wore the invisibility cloak up to the astronomy tower. He had waited until it was well past curfew to start his homework, hoping that no one else would be up in the tower at such a late hour. Well, that was the reason he told himself; it was more likely due to some plain old-fashioned procrastination. He had an assignment due the next evening and he couldn’t put it off any longer. It wasn’t like he could finish it up between classes.
A quick glance at the map told him that the astronomy tower was empty, but he did have to take the farther staircase and circle back around to avoid Filch’s cat. Remus had added her name to the map for some reason, but it wasn’t a bad idea. Rumor had it that she helped Filch catch a group of Hufflepuffs on their way to the kitchens for a midnight snack.
The staircase to the Astronomy Tower opened up into a bare, circular room. The ceiling was charmed transparent to allow a view of the night sky and the massive open arches that lined the walls overlooked the horizon in each direction. He extended his telescope and looked towards the sky.
Shite, he thought, there’s too many bloody clouds to see anything. He was staring down at his blank parchment, hopelessly. Should he make something up? Copy someone else’s homework? Ask Professor Sinestra for an extension? No, none of those options would work. Sinestra would know if he tried to cheat, and they already had over a week to get the assignment done. She had even warned the class not to wait until the last minute for that very reason. “The sky is fickle indeed,” he could just hear her say. He wished Peter was still taking the class with him, at least then they would both be in the same boat.
He was too busy trying to figure out what he was going to do to hear the footsteps leading to the tower until whoever they belonged to was right outside the door. He was sure it was Filch, who else could it be? He didn’t have enough time to grab the cloak out of his bookbag and throw it over himself in time; he couldn’t risk someone seeing the cloak and taking it away. He couldn’t believe he was about to get detention so early in the year, and not even for anything fun.
He took a deep breath and accepted his fate as the door creaked open.
“Oh, hello,” he said, surprised as Regulus Black walked in. He saw James standing there and turned to walk back down the stairs. “Wait,” James called. “You can stay.”
Regulus stood with his back to James for several beats but then turned and walked into the room. He leaned against a column and looked up to the night sky. It seemed to James that he looked disappointed as he noticed the darkness surrounding them, the clouds that obstructed the scenes of the heavens.
“I was just doing some Astronomy homework. Or, trying to anyway, but I can’t see anything with all the clouds in the way.”
Regulus didn’t say anything but held out his hand for James’ parchment.
“We’re just supposed to map the constellations that are visible at this time of year,” James said.
Regulus held out his hand again, this time indicating for James to give him his quill. James did, and Regulus started scratching away at the parchment. His bangs fell in his eyes as he leaned forward to write. He finished what would have taken James an hour to complete in less than 10 minutes.
James looked it over. His handwriting was neat just like the letters he had sent over Easter hols, though a bit shakier from not having a flat writing surface. The ink had blotched here and there from the divots and imperfections in the stone railing Regulus had used as a writing desk, but it was better than anything he could have done. He supposed it was a Black thing, though. He knew Sirius had been forced to memorize the star charts and had spent the last 5 years trying to forget them.
“Why are you out so late?” James asked for lack of anything better to say. He just felt like he needed to say something. Regulus shrugged; his lips pressed together tightly. James remembered belatedly that he didn’t talk much. Last time, when they had met in the forbidden forest, Regulus talked to James through his journal. James searched his bag and pulled out another piece of parchment and offered it to him.
James didn’t need to explain; Regulus took the paper and started to write something.
Needed some air.
“Ahh, it is a nice night for that. Feels like it’s going to start getting cold soon.”
Regulus nodded but didn’t write anything. There was a bench on the other side of the tower that overlooked the Black Lake and a bit of the Forbidden Forest, and Regulus went and sat down on it. James wasn’t sure if he should follow but Regulus still had his quill, and it was his favorite one. So, James followed, and Regulus didn’t protest as he sat down next to him.
Why did you wait until the last minute to do your homework?
“Wanted to avoid the crowds. I didn’t fancy running into any Slytherins on my way up here—” He stopped as Regulus made a face like he was offended, and James realized what he had said. “I mean—” he started, but Regulus was already writing something.
Do you think being a Slytherin is a bad thing?
“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
That doesn’t answer my question.
He wrote, then pointed the feather end of the quill at the words he had written above.
“I—I used to, I guess, but I don’t think that anymore. You’re not bad.”
Regulus frowned, like he didn’t know if he believed it or not.
“I guess I’m just biased. A lot of the sacred 28 gave my dad a hard time when he married my mum. Even though she’s pureblood too, just not in the way they like.”
Regulus frowned.
I’m sorry.
“It’s not your fault. Neither of us were even born back then.”
My parents
Regulus started to write but James placed his hand over his, stopping him.
“Nuhuh, you’re not your parents.”
Tell that to Sirius.
“Oh? I thought you guys— did something happen over the summer?”
Regulus shrugged. He folded the parchment he had been writing on without a word, but the message was clear: He didn’t want to talk about it.
He wondered briefly if he should leave. Would Sirius be mad to know he was talking to his brother when they weren’t on good terms? Definitely! He would probably be mad even if they were, but he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.
Regulus crossed his arms, either closing himself off or because he was cold. They sat in silence for a while and James tilted his head back to watch the clouds drift above them. The silence stretched on, and James took off his glasses, cleaning them with the hem of his jumper just to have something to do with his hands.
“Am I bothering you?” He asked finally. Regulus had probably come all the way up there for some privacy, or peace and quiet, and there was James ruining it for him.
Regulus shook his head no.
“Are you sure? I can leave.”
Regulus cringed and unfolded the parchment. He wrote his next words reluctantly.
I like talking to you.
James grinned. “I like talking to you, too.”
They stayed up there in the tower until James noticed as Regulus tried to hide a yawn behind his fist and realized it must have been close to dawn already. He stretched, faked a yawn himself, and said: “I’ve got to head back, Minnie will have my head if I’m late to class again.”
James went back the next day and the day after that. Regulus didn’t show up again after that first night, but sometimes, when James was walking through the corridors or eating in the Great Hall, he would feel a pair of eyes on him, and when he turned, he was met with a pair of silver-blue eyes staring back at him.