Chapter 20
Kreature apparated the Black brothers to King’s Cross Train Station at exactly 11:00 on the morning of September 1st. Platform 9 ¾ was already bustling with students reuniting with their friends or saying goodbye to their families, and the size of the crowd made Sirius bristle with discomfort. After so many weeks with just his thoughts for company, he felt unready for so many bodies surrounding him. All the talking, laughing, the sound of luggage carts careening through the brick wall—it was all a bit too much for him.
Sirius took the opportunity to put his hair down for the first time in ages while Regulus kneeled to Kreature’s height and placed a kind hand on his bony, gray shoulder. Kreature left with a snap of his fingers and Regulus started towards his friends, the blonde Lovegood girl smiling at him as he approached, without a second glance towards his brother.
Sirius stood there, in the middle of the station, dumbly, until he heard his name called from further down the platform. James was there, waving both hands above his head as if there was a possibility that Sirius wouldn’t see him. Peter stood next to him, looking slightly sunburnt and miserable.
It was when he saw Remus, standing behind the two of them and looking even taller than he had when they said goodbye all those weeks ago, that he finally grabbed his trunk and ran towards the other Marauders. He had been nervous when he woke up that morning and spent hours fussing over his clothes and hair, trying to cover up the bones that stuck out in alarming ways. All of those nerves were forgotten though, as soon as he laid eyes on Remus.
“Padfoot,” James exclaimed, wrapping his arms around him once he was within reach. “I was so lost without you,” he wept into his collar, melodramatic as usual. “Don’t ever leave me again.”
“Finally, you’re here,” Peter said. “I thought the train was going to leave without you.”
“I wouldn’t miss it,” Sirius answered, but he didn’t take his eyes off Remus. Up close, he could see that there was a slight darkness under his eyes, but the golden tones in his sandy hair were more pronounced and his shoulders seemed to be broader than he remembered. He was already wearing the shirt and trousers from their school uniform, much to Sirius’ disappointment— he loved to see Remus in his muggle clothes, but he kept the shirt untucked and wrinkled, and it was such a Remus thing to do so he didn’t mind so much.
“Shall we?” Sirius motioned towards the train. “Perhaps we could get a head start on some prank planning. I’ve been itching to get my hands dirty,” he said.
Peter giggled and shared a look with James. Sirius was too busy looking between the two of them to notice how Remus’ face scrunched up in a cringe. “I think we’ll have to postpone the prank planning until tonight,” Peter said.
“Why ’s that?” Sirius asked, it was obvious that they all knew something he didn’t.
“Moony’s made other plans for the trip,” James teased and reached his hand into Remus’ breast pocket and pulled out something that was hidden behind a pack of cigarettes. Sirius’ jaw dropped as he realized what James had in his hands. A gold and red badge with a large letter P on it. A prefect's badge.
Remus sighed and looked like he would much rather be talking about something else. “I didn’t want to do it, but Mum made me accept,” he said regretfully. Peter and James both snickered behind their hands.
Sirius made sure to school his expression when he noticed the embarrassment on Remus’ face as his eyes studied Sirius’, waiting for a reaction. Once the initial shock wore off, Sirius’ head flooded with all of the possibilities. “That. Is. Brilliant,” Sirius breathed finally, a mischievous smile pulling at his lips. “Perfect.”
“Don’t you mean hilarious,” Peter chirped.
Sirius grabbed onto his collar and tried to shake some sense into him. “Don’t you see, Pete?” Sirius said, but Peter just looked at him, confused. Sirius looked around to James and Remus, but they didn’t seem to follow him either. “We can get away with so much more now,” he exclaimed. “Just imagine how good our pranks will be now that we have someone on the inside.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “That’s easy for you to say,” he argued. “You’re not the one that has to go patrolling the halls.”
“Right,” Peter laughed. “Like you’re going to actually be patrolling anything.”
James laughed along with him. “Dumbledore really has no idea what our Moony gets up to, does he?”
“Oh, I think he knows exactly what our Moony gets up to,” Sirius said with a wink.
“Right,” Remus said with a tone of finality. “Let’s get on the train, Lils will kill me if I’m late to the meeting.”
“Of course, Evans is the other Gryffindor prefect,” Peter quipped.
“Who else would it be?” James said.
The four of them boarded the train in single file, and as Sirius stepped off the platform, he felt a hand flat on the middle of his back, a thumb rubbing in a small, comforting circle. He turned his head to meet Remus’ gaze, who was much closer than Sirius expected. When their eyes met, Remus leaned in even closer to him and whispered in his ear. “You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?”
Sirius shook his head no. Walburga had instructed Kreature to heal their open wounds before he and Regulus left for the train station. Now the only reminders of his horrible summer were a few scars and some visible ribs that would hopefully go away in a few weeks. “No, I’m okay. You?” he asked, knowing the full moon had been a few weeks ago, but Remus always took longer to recover when he wasn’t at school.
He saw Remus shrug out of the corner of his eye. They had passed the train car where the prefect meeting was held, but Remus didn’t stop. “I’m fine,” he said, but Sirius wasn’t convinced and looked back at him with one eyebrow raised. “Knee’s been acting up. I’ll see Pomfrey about it tomorrow.”
Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but Peter and James had filed into their usual train car in front of them and Remus turned him around by the shoulder to face him. “Listen, I have to get going, but I’ll see you soon, alright?”
“Alright,” Sirius said and watched Remus hunch back to the car they had passed. He waited until Remus was out of the corridor before joining the other two.
…
Sirius wasn’t sure how to act like himself as they shuffled into the Great Hall like a herd of sheep and sat down at the Gryffindor table for the Sorting Hat Ceremony and the Opening Feast. He was starting to feel like he had when they first touched down in King’s Cross— overwhelmed and uneasy. He still wasn’t used to being around so many people, especially since it had just been him and James for the majority of the journey to school, since Peter had left to go sit with Susanna just a few minutes after boarding and Remus had been stuck with prefect duties after the initial meeting.
He gave Marlene a quick hug when they got off the train, but beyond that, she nor anyone else expected much socializing from him. Maybe they were used to his beginning-of-the-year mood after seeing it for the past couple of years, or maybe it was the way the Remus never strayed too far from his side and kept his hand securely on his shoulder, like a menacing bodyguard.
They sat down at the first empty spot at the Gryffindor table, surrounded by their friends and fellow lions, and Sirius waited patiently for the sorting hat to finish placing all of the first years in their houses. His stomach was already growling at the promise of a hearty meal, but there was so much chatter around them that nobody was able to hear, at least he hoped so anyway.
There were plenty of conversations going on around him, but he, thankfully, wasn’t required to chime in. James sat on one side of him and fielded any questions and comments that came their way—Frank asking them about quidditch tryouts or Gid and Fab announcing that their older sister was pregnant once again, while Remus sat on his other side and shielded him from prying eyes with his larger and lankier body. Remus sat so close to him that he felt like he was practically on top of him, but he kept his eyes on the front of the hall, giving Sirius time to adjust.
When the last first year was sorted and Dumbledore had finished the same speech he gave every year, the feast started to appear before them. There were platters of roast beef, meat pies, steak and kidney pudding, lamb chops, sausages, potatoes, every vegetable you could think of roasted until charred and crispy, and a long-handled boat to pour a delectable gravy over the whole lot. Sirius could only sit and stare in awe, but Remus wasted no time in piling Sirius’ plate with food, then his own with the same excess, whether it was because he was also starving or because he didn’t want Sirius to feel like a hog for eating so much, he didn’t know but he suspected it was a bit of both.
He dug in with a certain fervor but started to slow down after only a few bites and wasn’t able to finish everything on his plate. He supposed his stomach had shrunk from eating so little over the summer.
“Eat,” Remus whispered to him when he noticed he had set his fork down. Sirius just shook his head and, while it looked like Remus wanted to protest, he didn’t push him. “Alright, at least take something for later, then,” he said and wrapped a treacle tart from a desert platter that had appeared halfway through the meal in Sirius’ unused napkin and placed it inside his robes. It reminded him so much of Regulus that Sirius felt a pang of regret for not trying to talk to his brother at the station while he had the chance.
The Marauders took the stairs slowly as they made their way to the Gryffindor Tower after dinner. Remus and Sirius walked side-by-side, shoulders brushing every so often as they lagged behind the other two so much that they got separated when the staircase decided to change.
“I won’t ask about your summer if you don’t ask about mine,” Remus told him, and Sirius felt a genuine smile pull at his lips.
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”
James and Peter were waiting for the two of them in front of the Fat Lady’s portrait, but Sirius faltered as James tried to usher them in through the passageway. There was something that he needed to do, had been waiting for most of the summer to do. “Erm,” he mumbled. “I’ve got to go to the owlery,” Sirius told them, inching away from his friends.
“It’s the first day back,” Peter complained. “Who could you possibly have to send a letter to?”
“Shut the door,” the fat lady screamed, but the four of them just ignored her.
“Yeah, Padfoot,” James said, “I thought you wanted to work on that prank.”
“Not so loud, James,” Remus hissed. “I’m supposed to be a prefect now.”
“Right, sorry Moony,” James said. “I thought you wanted to work on that prank,” he repeated himself in an exaggerated whisper that was no quieter than before. Remus shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and finger.
“I’ll just be a minute,” Sirius said. “Haven’t owled Andy in a while,” he explained.
“Alright,” James said. “Don’t take too long or we’ll plan the whole thing without you.”
“I’ll just be a minute,” Sirius repeated. James and Peter were satisfied with his answer and made their way up to the dorms to wait, but Remus remained where he stood.
“Is everything alright?” Remus asked.
“Yes,” Sirius said automatically, but the look Remus gave him made him pause. “Maybe, I don’t know,” Sirius answered finally. Remus didn’t say anything, just went on giving him that quizzical look, so Sirius continued. “Bellatrix has been staking out their flat. I don’t know why but I need to warn her.”
Remus nodded. “Do you want me to go with you?”
“No,” Sirius said quickly, his eyes darted down to his knee and Remus seemed to get the hint. He told himself that he didn’t want to make Remus climb up the ladder to the owlery with his bum knee, but they both knew it was because Remus would slow him down. Any other time, he would be glad to keep pace with the sandy-haired Marauder, but it had already been weeks since he found out about the Lestrange’s espionage, and who knew how long those psychos would just sit back and watch the Tonks family.
Remus didn’t argue with him, though he still looked hesitant to let him out of his sight. “Hurry back, I have a surprise for you,” he said and disappeared into the portrait hole.
…
Remus left Sirius in the hall reluctantly and entered the Gryffindor common room. It was bigger than his entire flat back home and he allowed himself to take a deep breath and take it all in. The fireplace was lit making Remus slightly too warm, but the firewood gave the room a pleasant aroma. The stuffed armchairs and sofas looked inviting and cozy, the study tables brought back fond memories of evenings spent cramming with Lily or goofing off with the Marauders. His housemates were in a jovial mood around him— Frank and Alice sat by the fire catching up, the two of them looking positively smitten, while first-years gaped and awed around them as the 7th year prefects gave them the grand tour.
Marlene, who was sitting near the window with a few other members of the quidditch team, spotted him as he made his way toward the staircase that led to the dorms. She jogged to catch up with him and they fell into step side by side. “Surprised you’re not with Loverboy. Did you two have a nice reunion?” she teased.
Remus ignored her question. “Evening Marls. Have a nice summer?” Her hair was shorter, he noticed. It suited her.
“It was absolutely shite. Yours too, I’m guessing.”
“Yup,” he said, popping the p with an unenthusiastic nod of his head.
“Well, nice talking to ya Lupin, but I better go unpack before Mary decides to turn my bed into a walk-in wardrobe.” She punched him on the arm and ran up the rest of the stairs until she reached the landing where the 5th year girls’ dorms were located.
Remus shook his head and continued up the stairs at a much slower pace. It was easy to see why Sirius was so fond of the girl and he was starting to feel the same way. He supposed they were friends now, too, as he thought back to the conversation they had had at the last party.
If it wasn’t for his enhanced werewolf hearing, Remus wouldn’t have heard Sirius come in, but his ears had already perked up upon hearing the familiar footsteps on the staircase. Remus lifted his head, and their eyes connected as Sirius opened the door.
James was on him in an instant, dropping the wad of neckties he had been trying to untangle and throwing himself at Sirius. “Oh, how I missed you Paddycakes,” he exclaimed.
“Merlin, James, give the man some space,” Peter called from where he lounged on his bed.
“Oh, fine,” James huffed but Sirius wrapped his arm around him tightly and wouldn’t let him pull away so fast.
“Missed ya too, Prongsyboy,” he said, rubbing his knuckles into the other boy’s hair, making him squirm and flail until Sirius let him go. Remus smiled, he seemed to be acting more like himself, though he was still holding himself stiffly like he was uncomfortable in his own body. Remus knew the feeling.
Sirius came over to sit at the foot of his bed as Remus kneeled before his trunk. James had already gone back to unpacking, though it looked like he was just making a mess, and Peter was twirling his wand across his knuckles, having already decided to leave all of his unpacking for later (or never).
“So, what’s this surprise you have for me?” Sirius said in a low voice so the others wouldn’t hear him and leaned his head against the bedpost.
“One second,” Remus muttered digging through his trunk. He had organized everything carefully so it wouldn’t break since he wasn’t allowed to put a cushioning charm on it while he was home. A moment later he pulled out a stack of brand-new records that had been wrapped in one of his thickest jumpers and handed them to Sirius. “They’re for all of us, really, but I thought you would appreciate them. Especially that last one.”
Sirius smiled when he saw QUEEN in bold red letters. “Sheer Heart Attack,” he read to himself. “Is this new? I haven’t heard this one before.”
“Sort of,” Remus shrugged his shoulders. “Came out around your birthday, I think. I just heard it this summer and,” he looked away shyly, “it made me think of you.”
“Let’s hear it then?” He stood up from the bed and went over to the record player.
“Skip ahead to the second song,” Remus told him.
James perked up as the music started to play through the dorm. “Got some new tunes for us, Moony?” He went over to Sirius’ bed where he had left the other records and started to flip through them. James let out a low whistle. “Good stuff,” he said, but Remus was hardly paying attention to him.
Sirius remained in front of the window, watching the record spin under the needle, so Remus couldn’t gauge his expression. He tried to go back to unpacking but his eyes kept straying to the back of Sirius’ head, wondering what he was thinking.
Sirus let out a surprising bellow of a laugh and turned to Remus as the song transitioned into the next. “Merlin, that was bloody mind-blowing, Moons,” he exclaimed, his voice dripping with awe and admiration.
“It’s like they made it just for you, Pads,” James laughed.
“Play it again,” Peter shouted, jumping up from his bed.
Sirius lifted the needle and placed it back on the second groove. When the music started once again, James grabbed Sirius’ hands and they pranced around the room together, pulling in Peter and Remus to dance with them by the second verse.
Sirius spun in a circle and when he turned back around to face Remus, he had this look on his face like he couldn’t contain himself. A moment later, Padfoot stood in his place, wagging his tail as his claws scratched on the hardwood floor. He jumped up onto his hind legs and licked each of the Marauder's faces. They all laughed, even Padfoot in his dog-like way, and continued to dance and be merry.
Sirius and Remus got ready for bed slowly that night, both of them lingering in the small space between their beds. It wasn’t until Peter and James both shut their curtains that Remus laid down. He didn’t shut his curtains right away, though. Instead, he pretended to look for something on his nightstand while Sirius pulled on a clean pair of socks. He was waiting for something; he wasn’t sure what— for Sirius to settle down for the night in the next bed or—
“Remus—” Sirius whispered in the dark of the room, interrupting his train of thought. Remus watched him run both of his hands through his hair, yanking at it when his fingers snagged on a tangled end.
“Yeah?”
Sirius opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. A second later he was on all fours, transformed into Padfoot for the second time that night. He lifted one paw and placed it tentatively on Remus’ bed; his blue eyes searching his with a question brewing in their depths.
Remus’ face cracked into a smile, and he lifted the edge of the duvet. “Come up, then.” Padfoot did just that, rested his head on his paws, and closed his eyes. Remus wished Sirius would change back, but he knew it was probably easier for him as Padfoot. Sirius had tried to explain it to him before— some things were just easier for him to deal with when they were filtered through his dog brain.
Before he closed his eyes, Remus reached out and stroked the expanse of fur along the dog’s back. It felt soft under his fingers and Remus had to fight the urge to picture himself running his fingers through Sirius’ hair. He fell asleep with his hands still tangled in the black coat.
It was sometime in the middle of the night when Remus was woken up by Padfoot’s whimpering. He was still in his animagus form. His eyes were moving rapidly under his lids and his paws twitched like he was trying to run away from something. He was having a nightmare. Remus should have seen it coming. Remus ran his hand over Padfoot’s body, alternating between petting and gently shaking him to wake him up. Finally, the dog jolted awake and let out a startled bark.
“Shh, Pads. It’s only me,” Remus whispered. Remus poked his head out of the bed curtains to make sure James and Peter were still asleep and when he turned back, Sirius had shed his fur and lay curled up on his side.
“Sorry I woke you,” he whispered. “Are the others—?
“Still asleep,” Remus confirmed. “And it’s okay. Do you—” Do you want to talk about it, is what Remus was going to ask, but Sirius cut him off with a stiff shake of his head. It didn’t surprise Remus; Sirius hardly ever talked about his nightmares.
Instead, Remus opened his arms and Sirius came closer, pressing his forehead against Remus’ chest. He melted against him. He wormed his hands under Remus’ t-shirt and his fingers made contact with the soul mark, tracing it with a feather-light touch.
It was an innocent enough touch, Sirius had done the same thing plenty of times, but that night it caused a wave to shoot through Remus’ toes and up into his groin. Neither of them were prepared for the feral, debauched-sounding moan that escaped from Remus’ lips. They stared at each other with wide eyes as Remus raised his hand to cover his mouth, mortified at what he had just done.
Seconds passed in silence. Remus uncovered his face, ready to apologize, but before he could do so, Sirius burst out into a fit of giggles. Remus pulled away from him and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m glad you found that amusing,” he sighed. “I don’t know what just happened,” he added when Sirius didn’t stop laughing.
“I’m flattered, Moony,” Sirius chuckled. Remus didn’t respond, but blood flooded his cheeks and neck, and he knew Sirius could feel the warmth. “I think you’re just happy to see me.”
“I’m that obvious, huh?” he said, sardonically.
“Don’t worry, I’m happy to see you too,” Sirius said. He had stopped laughing but his mouth was still pulled into a large grin.
Remus sighed. At least he knew Sirius wasn’t too spooked by his nightmare if he was able to laugh at him. “Come ‘ere,” Remus said finally, pulling him back into him and closing his eyes. He was determined to forget about what had just happened, and if he was lucky, Sirius would never ever mention it again.
“This alright?” Sirius asked. He was careful to keep his limbs in a neutral zone this time around.
Remus nodded against the top of his head, feeling Sirius’ hair tickling his nose. “Let’s try to get some sleep, yeah?”
Sirius fell back to sleep quickly in his arms, but Remus stayed awake for a while after that and thought about how much of a doomed idiot he was. He had his soul mate sleeping in his bed and he wasn’t doing anything about it.
Why had they decided to take it slow again? Oh, that’s right, so Remus wouldn’t muck everything up before they even finished school. It made sense, he had to keep reminding himself that it was the logical thing to do, that it was his idea in the first place, but at this rate, Remus didn’t know if he would be able to make it to the end of term without saying fuck it and kissing him senseless.
Just try to make it until Christmas, he wrestled with himself. It was the last thing he remembered going through his head before he fell under the spell of sleep once again.
Sirius was already awake and dressed when he got up the next morning, though James and Peter were just starting to rouse. The excitement that came with the first day of school had worn off on them somewhere around their second year, and the Marauders were slow to get to breakfast.
Remus had been the last of them to finish getting ready for the day. He disappeared into the bathroom while the others waited for him. He put on his shirt, then his trousers, then his tie and his jumper, then tried to fix his hair with a bit of water and a comb. He came back out, put on his shoes, and announced to the others that he was ready.
“Erm, Moony, aren’t you forgetting something?” Peter asked before they left the dorm.
“Nope,” he answered, resolutely. His robes were tucked away in his trunk, and he would not be taking them out. He had decided, on the day the owl came with his supplies list and the shiny new prefects’ badge, that he would no longer be wearing his robes to class. They were just another layer that would make him too warm, and he hated how goofy they looked. Besides, no professor was going to give a prefect detention for such a small offense. Yup, he was definitely going to take advantage of his new position. He would make Dumbledore regret ever offering it to him in the first place.
“Way to stick it to the man, Moony,” James laughed as he passed him on the way out the door, but Sirius just gave him an approving smile, which made it all worth it in the end.
A couple of people gave him weird looks in the Great Hall, but they had moved on by the time the schedules appeared before them. With their breakfasts forgotten, everyone around them tore into their envelopes and began to compare theirs with their friends.
“We have potions with the Slytherins again,” James groaned. “And defense, too,” he complained, dropping his head onto the table.
“And History of Magic with Ravenclaw,” Peter pouted. “Merlin, they sure are a boring bunch.”
“Isn’t your girlfriend a Ravenclaw?” James reminded him.
“Oh, right,” Peter blushed. “All of them but her,” he amended.
It was then that Mary, who sat with Marlene and Lily not too far from the four of them, leaned over their shoulders to look at their schedules. “Looks like we all have Care of Magical Creatures together, except for you, Remus,” she frowned at him.
“What Moony, you’re not taking Care of Magical Creatures with us?” James looked at him with a scandalized look on his face.
Remus shrugged. “I’m not good with animals,” he supplied, hoping that James would get the hint. Most magical creatures were afraid of him as they were able to sense what he really was.
“Lily’s not taking it either,” Marlene called out. “She’s taking arithmancy and advanced runes,” she said, teasingly.
Lily’s face turned a tomato-y shade of red. “They’ll look better on my application for healing school,” she explained quietly.
Mary snatched Remus’ schedule out of his hands to get a better look. “Oh, but you do have Divination with me and Marls,” she said.
Peter coughed. “Why are you all taking Divination? Ya know it’s a bunch of hooey, right?”
“Because it’s an easy O! All you have to do is make things up,” Mary laughed.
Remus just shrugged. Truth was, he didn’t have much of a choice. Care of Magical Creatures was out of the question, Arithmancy seemed like too much work, it would be pointless for him to take Muggle Studies, and Astronomy would require him to face the moon more often than he wanted.
“What else are you taking, Remus?” Marlene asked.
“Runes,” he and Mary said at the same time.
“Me too,” Sirius said softly from beside him. Remus met his eyes and smiled. He thought he would be taking it alone since Lily would be placed in a harder class, but having Sirius beside him was the best-case scenario.
“Me and Wormy are taking Astronomy,” James said. “That way we don’t have to wake up early.”
“And we have an expert to help us,” Peter added, looking towards Sirius. Remus noticed Sirius grimace and he knew there was no way he was going to help Peter with his astronomy homework. There was a good reason neither of them had signed up for the class, after all. It was a sore subject for them both.
Remus opened his mouth to set Peter straight, to suggest that maybe he was better off taking a different class, but before he was able to, the sound of tolling bells filled the air, indicating that it was time for classes to begin. The tables around them cleared themselves, and the Gryffindors gathered up their things to head to Transfiguration, their first class of the day.
“Alright lads, ready for the first day of fifth year?” James asked, excitedly, as they stepped out into the crowded corridor.
As ready as we’ll ever be, I suppose, Remus thought to himself.