Chapter 18
Sirius felt like he was suffocating. His robes were fastened tight and high around his throat and his hair was slicked back so far it was starting to give him a headache. Regulus didn’t look much better than he did. The two of them stood at attention in the parlor, waiting to greet their guests as they arrived through the fireplace.
The mantle stretched, elongated to accommodate the height of their Uncle Cygnus as he appeared and stepped into the room. Sirius rearranged his face into something more stoic than the uncomfortable look he had previously sported.
“Good evening, Uncle,” Regulus said, but Cygnus just grunted and headed straight for their father’s office. Father and Uncle never joined them for dinner.
Next came their Aunt Druella. She was a large woman with a sagging face. She was dressed in a way that was typical to the women of the Black family— dark robes that swept the floor with a high ornate collar, jewelry that had been passed down for centuries, a severe bun on the crown of her head.
Regulus bowed to her and Sirius fought the urge to roll his eyes at the display. Regulus liked to play the role of the good son, and he played it well. Sirius could never do the same, even if he wanted to. Besides, the hag didn’t deserve a bow.
“Hello, boy,” Druella said to Regulus, ignoring Sirius entirely.
Then Bellatrix and Narcissa came through together, arms linked at the elbow. They were opposites in every way. Bellatrix was the oldest of Cygnus and Druella’s daughters. She was almost as tall as Sirius and had a twisted look on her face. Half of her dark hair was piled on top of her head, leaving the rest of her frizzy mane to cascade all the way down her back. She wore a dark ruffled dress with a tiered skirt that looked like it had been set on fire at least once.
In comparison, Narcissa looked much more pleasant. Sirius didn’t know much about her despite spending countless family dinners and holidays with her. She was quiet and didn’t display much personality if she had one at all. She was the youngest of the Black sisters, younger than Andy, and had recently graduated from Hogwarts. She had snow-white hair, straight and silky that reached her hips and it would have been doubtful that she was a Black at all if it wasn’t for the twin strands of signature dark hair that flowed from around her temples. She wore a gray dress and opaque black stockings like those businesswomen who worked at the Ministry.
“Hello Cousins,” Bellatrix exclaimed in her childish pitch.
“Hello Bella, Cissy,” Regulus nodded to both of them, politely.
Sirius stayed quiet until Regulus nudged his elbow into his side. “Hi,” he mumbled to appease them.
Their company’s attention shifted to Kreature as he apparated into the room with a tray, carrying six goblets of blood-red wine and a platter of hors d’oeuvres that no one would eat. He levitated the tray to the middle of the room, where it floated just above waist level, and bowed to the group. His ears flopped forward, brushing against the antique rug, and he began to back out of the room just as quickly as he came in.
Before he could make his exit, Bellatrix extended her foot in his path and tripped him, causing him to fall flat on the floor. Druella and Bellatrix shared a laugh, though their aunt’s chuckle was far more reserved than their cousin’s loud guffaw.
“Kreature apologizes for being so clumsy,” the elf stated and bowed to the women once again. A frown pulled at Regulus’ lips, but Sirius knew that the house elf could have caught himself before he fell if he had wanted to, he knew that the elf’s magic was superior in every way to that of a witch or wizard. But he was loyal to the Black family and if a member of the House of Black wanted him on the floor, then the floor was where he would be.
Sirius grabbed one of the goblets and took a long drink of the wine. It was bitter on his tongue, but he swallowed anyway, he would need it if he wanted to get through the night.
Walburga entered then, apologizing for her tardiness. She was dressed almost identically to her sister-in-law (who had once been a 2nd cousin), though her jewels were larger and more ostentatious— her prize for producing the heir, and even a backup, to the Ancient and Most Nobel House of Black. Walburga lifted one of the goblets and the rest of them followed her lead. “Toujours Pur,” she chanted.
“Toujours Pur,” the rest of them, excluding Sirius, cheered. Sirius took the opportunity to down the rest of his drink and it refilled on its own. Ah, it’s one of those cups, Sirius thought, glad that the goblet had been charmed to never be empty. He took another large gulp, but not big enough to bring attention to himself, and welcomed the warm feeling that would soon cause his senses to dull.
Walburga led them to the dining room shortly after the toast, where the table was set in a formal manner. The Black Mistresses took their seats at either end of the table, and both sets of siblings took their spots on each side. Sirius sat opposite Bellatrix, and she gave him a wicked smile like a hungry hyena as he unraveled his napkin and placed it on his lap.
A feast appeared before them, and they ate in a stiff and tangible silence. Sirius was painfully aware that they mostly didn’t have anything in common besides their last name.
Walburga was the first to speak. “How are the wedding plans coming along?” she asked Narcissa, though her eyes never strayed from her plate or the goblet before her. Her voice was stern and steady.
Druella waved her fork, dismissively, before her daughter had a chance to answer. “Krampy’s handling the preparations. I simply do not have the time,” she mused.
“We’re thinking of a December wedding,” Narcissa said shyly, though her expression was one of content, almost blissful, even. How anyone could be delighted to marry a Malfoy was beyond Sirius, especially when they were technically distant cousins.
“Is that so?” Walburga remarked though it was painfully obvious that she did not care at all about her niece’s coming nuptials. Narcissa nodded awkwardly and went back to her dinner, realizing too late that she had committed some sort of faux pas. Another silence followed and the only noise in the room was the deafening sound of clinking cutlery and gnawing teeth.
“I have some news,” Bella’s girlish voice cut through the dining room. She had a devious smile on her face and Sirius groaned internally— nothing good could come from a smile like that.
“What news is this Bellatrix?” Aunt Druella asked in her droll tone.
“A little birdy told me that Mr. and Mrs. Ted Tonks…” Their names rolled off her tongue with unmistakable vitriol. “…are expecting.”
The words made Sirius pause. Andy was pregnant? Why hadn’t she told him? “How do you know that?” Sirius cut in. It was the first thing he said all night, besides the unenthusiastic greeting he had spared his cousins, and Walburga shot her eyes over to him with a warning glance.
“Daddy has Rodolphus and I keeping tabs on that shithole her and that mudblood call an apartment,” Bellatrix answered.
“Watch your language at the dinner table,” Aunt Druella interrupted, but Bella continued.
“If you ask me, that witch knows too much about the family to continue on like she does.”
Sirius gripped his fork tightly in his hand and felt his blood begin to boil. He hated the way they talked about Andy and Ted. They were good people with enough sense to not want anything to do with the House of Black. Sirius had been sad when she first left, he missed having her as an ally and confidant at holidays, but he was happy for her. She was free.
“Bella—” Narcissa warned quietly.
“I think a traitor like that doesn’t deserve to live,” she jeered. “If it were up to me—"
The sound of Sirius’ fork clamoring onto the fine china and the legs of his chair scraping against the wood flooring brought the room to a standstill. He had heard enough of her speaking ill of Andy and Ted. He stared at her, nostrils flaring in anger, and pointed his wand straight for her jugular. He didn’t care that he was underage, they could expel him for all he cared.
A pig-like giggle erupted from behind her lips and Bellatrix threw her head back with glee, amusement clear on her tongue. “Aww is wittle Siwius gonna curse me?”
“Sit,” Walburga commanded. Sirius didn’t intend to listen, but a moment later he was strapped to his chair with an invisible cord.
“Daddy should have let him kill her as soon as she defected,” Bellatrix spoke low and deliberately, her lip curled over her teeth. She was trying to get to him, trying to push a button that would set him off, he knew that, but he couldn’t help his reaction.
“Shut your bloody mouth,” Sirius yelled, struggling against his restraints.
“Oscausi,” Walburga muttered. Sirius’ mouth disappeared and he had to concentrate on breathing through his nose as the invisible restraints squeezed him tighter and tighter.
Sirius knew it had been coming. He was surprised he had been able to attend dinner at all, but Walburga’s top priority had always been keeping up the appearance of the perfect family. There was even the possibility that his attendance was meant as a subtle slight towards his aunt, one that said neither of my spawn have betrayed me. Never mind that they both knew Sirius would be gone the moment he turned 17.
“Thank you, Auntie. That’s much better,” Bellatrix laughed.
“Regulus,” Walburga spoke, turning to her youngest son who had not yet moved his eyes from his plate. “Do you have anything to say?”
Regulus swallowed and cleared his throat. “I think it is a shame that she chose to taint the Black bloodline.”
His words struck Sirius. He shot him a weary, withering look, but Regulus did not look up from his plate.
Sirius had been released after dinner and banished to his bedroom as soon as their guest had left Grimmauld Place. He wanted to slam his door, he was fuming but thought better of it and pulled out Remus’ jumper from where it was hidden beneath his pillow and screamed, the wool muffling the noise.
He had expected no less from Bella. She was cruel and had been ever since they were children, but he expected more from Regulus. How could he say something like that? Sirius thought he was different.
Sirius buried his face in his pillow and let the feelings wash over him— frustration, anger, sadness, shame. He fought the urge to rub at the spot on his chest where the restraints had dug into his skin, bruising him. He felt, irrationally, that if he admitted to himself how much it hurt it would mean his mother won.
He must have fallen asleep, because it was much darker in his room when, upon hearing a light tapping on his door, he lifted his head. He didn’t respond or move from his spot, but Regulus poked his head in anyway.
“Siri?” Regulus whispered.
Sirius still lay on his stomach but turned his head to an uncomfortable angle to lock eyes with his little brother. Regulus had a neutral expression on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes, which were wide and swimming with some emotion that Sirius couldn’t place. Sirius wondered how someone who looked so much like a baby deer could condone such cruelty. “What do you want?”
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m just peachy.”
Regulus came into the room fully and closed the door softly behind him. “You’re mad.”
Sirius didn’t say anything for a moment. If Regulus didn’t know why he was mad then there was no use in discussing it, was there? But he couldn’t help himself. Everything inside of him was boiling and he couldn’t stop it from bubbling over. “How could you say something like that? Andy’s better than anyone who was at that table tonight, and you know it.”
Regulus shrugged. He sat stiffly on the edge of Sirius’ unmade bed. “I just said what they wanted to hear. You know I don’t actually feel that way.”
“Do I? Because I’m not so sure anymore,” Sirius seethed.
“I’m not like them,” Regulus frowned.
“You could have fooled me.”
Regulus looked hurt. He fiddled with a loose thread on the sleeve of his robes and Sirius saw his chest rise with a deep breath before he spoke again. “We can’t all be brave,” he said, it was so quiet that Sirius barely heard him.
“Doesn’t mean you have to be spineless.” Sirius turned away so he was facing the headboard instead of his brother. He couldn’t look at him anymore. “Get out of here,” he said.
“As you wish.” He felt the bed move as Regulus stood. His footsteps echoed in the room.
“You can’t play both sides, ya know,” Sirius called as he walked away, perhaps louder than he should have with their parents present somewhere in the house.
Regulus didn’t say anything, just continued to walk toward the door.
“I’m going to leave this house someday, ya know.”
“I know,” Regulus said. The door clicked shut behind him and he was gone.
…
Mary’s nightgown flounced around her as she spun in the comfort of her bedroom. She collapsed on her bed with a happy sigh and kicked her sock-covered feet up into the air, caressing the new golden locket that hung around her neck.
Billy gave her the locket as an early birthday gift. He said he had wanted to give it to her as soon as she got back home for summer break, he had picked it out only a week after Easter hols, but he had held out until the first day of August— just one day before her birthday.
They had been spending a lot of time together. Every day, in fact. Some days they went to town together, or the park, or just for a walk around the neighborhood, but mostly, they hung out in the garden with her sisters. They loved him. Her little sisters, Laura and Cecelia, had taken to him immediately and even her older sister, Lisa, who was notoriously hard to impress, came around to him eventually.
They drank tea under the shade of a large tree, listened to the portable radio that belonged to her parents, and kicked around the football that Billy brought with him most days. He ate dinner with the family several nights a week and kissed her on the lips when they thought no one was looking.
It had been the most perfect summer so far. One she would never forget.
That was the reason why the tears came, as she was awoken from her sleep at the stroke of midnight by a pin prickly feeling just above her abdomen. She didn’t look but she knew what is was.
“Muggles don’t get soul marks,” she remembered telling Alice on the train when the topic had naturally changed from her upcoming birthday to soul marks and whether or not she thought she would get one.
“You’re not a muggle, though,” Alice reminded her.
“Billy is,” she said. “That means I won’t get one either.” She had been so sure at the time. Honestly, she was relieved when she met Billy, the whole soulmark business freaked her out ever since she learned about them in her first year of Hogwarts. It just seemed so unnatural to her.
Her eyes were puffy in the morning. She stayed in her room for as long as possible, but she knew someone would come looking for her eventually. She put on a bit of makeup to cover the circles under her eyes and went down to breakfast.
Someone had decorated the family room for her, in honor of her fifteenth birthday. Pink and purple streamers were taped haphazardly to the walls, low enough that it was clear her little sisters were the ones to put them up, and balloons floated against the ceiling.
“Happy birthday, Mare-Mare,” her little sister let out, running over to Mary at full speed as soon as she stepped off the last step.
Mary caught her sister in her arms and spun her around. “Thank you, CeeCee.”
“Mummy made breakfast,” she said. She was missing some of her front teeth and the words came out in a jumbled babble.
“Mmm! Smells delicious,” she said, tickling Cecelia who let out a happy squeal. “Let’s go see what she made.”
Breakfast was delightful, just like she predicted, and for a short while, she was able to forget all about the mark that had shown up on her sternum in the early hours of the morning. Her mum had made her favorite and even placed a single candle into it for her to blow out. They sang to her and gave her gifts— a new mini skirt, a pair of corduroy flares, a photo album, a pair of platform boots that she had been eyeing ever since she got home, and a new winter coat that would be useful once winter came around at school.
Her older sister, Lisa, had gifted her the best one, though. After she had unwrapped what was seemingly her last present, Lisa had left the table and came back a minute later with a rolled-up sheet of drawing paper.
“It’s not much, but I worked really hard on it,” Lisa ducked her head as she handed the paper to Mary.
Mary didn’t say anything but turned the roll over in her hands. The paper felt thick and expensive and was secured with a pink hair elastic so it wouldn’t unravel until Mary chose to open it.
“For your dorm room,” Lisa explained. “Go on, open it before I take it back.”
Mary removed the hair tie and unrolled it, revealing a charcoal drawing of their mum’s garden, the rose bushes and raised flower beds in the forefront and their home clear in the background. There were a few smudges and marks where an eraser couldn’t completely remove her mistakes, but it was heartfelt and genuine, and so untouched by magic that it made Mary nostalgic for the time before she got that fateful letter in the mail.
It was enough to bring tears to her eyes. Mary had spent the first year at school homesick and counting down the days until she was able to go home. It got better once she got closer to her roommates and made more friends around school, but she still missed her family terribly. The elves never made food like her mum, no one understood her like her sisters, no one was quite as funny as her dad “It’s perfect, Lees,” she cried. She threw her arms around the older girl, discreetly wiping her eyes on her sister’s pajama top.
It wasn’t until after breakfast when her mother had sent her upstairs to get ready for the day with a promise that she had another birthday surprise on the way, that she found the courage to finally look. She locked her bedroom door and stood before her vanity mirror.
Mary took a deep breath and lifted the hem of her nightgown above her head and pulled it off. There it was. Her soul mark covered the smooth skin between her breasts in the shape of a triangle.
“This can’t be real,” she groaned. Then it occurred to her— it didn’t have to be real. Not if she didn’t want it to be. What the hell did a soul mark have to do with love anyway? Her parents didn’t have soul marks, and they were most definitely soul mates. They had been madly in love for nearly 20 years! She could just pretend like she never got one.
The idea gave her an immense feeling of comfort. It was probably the easiest decision she had ever made.
Her mum knocked on her door a few minutes later. “Billy’s on the phone, dear,” she called through the closed door.
“Tell him I’ll be right there,” Mary called back. She dressed quickly in her new miniskirt and a sleeveless knit top. She tied her curls back with a ribbon and bounded down the stairs once again, this time with a lightness that she did not have that morning.
She picked up the receiver from where it lay on its side in the phone nook. “Hello? Billy?”
His deep voice came over the line at once and filled her with warmth. He wished her a happy birthday and they chatted animatedly for almost 45 minutes, even though he would be coming around for her birthday dinner in just a few hours. She would trade anything in the world to be able to hear his voice every second of the day.
“You hang up,” she told him.
“I’m not hanging up,” he countered with a laugh. It was something they did every time they spoke over the phone. “You hang up.”
“No, y—”
“Mary,” her mum’s voice sounded from down the hall. “Come help me in the kitchen.”
“Guess you’re the one who has to hang up,” Billy said.
“Guess so,” Mary groaned “Don’t be late for dinner.”
“When have I ever been late?”
Mary sighed and replaced the phone back on the wall. “Coming,” she called as she skipped down the hall.
She rounded the corner and stopped dead in her tracks. Lily and Marlene stood in the center of her kitchen, each with a large grin plastered on their faces. They looked out of place amongst her mum’s knickknacks and her sister’s crayon drawings on the fridge, but that could have been because she had never seen them outside of Hogwarts or the train station.
They looked entirely different, yet still the same, from the last time she saw them. Lily’s normally straight red hair was styled so the ends flipped away from her face, and she wore a new dress that Mary had never seen before and a bright coral lipstick. Marlene looked her complete opposite, her hair was short and shaggy, her face was bare, and she wore a simple top and the jeans Mary had given her, that had been hand-me-downs from Lisa.
Mary took in the sight in front of her and realized how much she had missed her roommates, how much they had become a part of her life.
“Surprise,” they said at the same time.
“What are you guys doing here?”
“Your mum invited us for your birthday,” Lily explained.
Mary looked between both of them, her eyes wide and her brain unable to catch up with what was happening. “Why?”
“Don’t act so excited to see us,” Marlene said, sarcastically.
“No, I meant how. How did you guys get here?”
“Well, I took the train,” Lily said. “And Marlene… How did you get here Marls?”
“I took the night bus,” she answered.
“Right,” Lily said. “Marlene took the night bus.” She shared a look with Mary that confirmed neither of them had heard of a night bus, but there were all sorts of things in the wizarding world that they weren’t familiar with, being muggleborn and all.
“This is wonderful, really.” Mary breathed, pulling them both in for a group hug. “I missed you both so much.”
“We missed you, too, right Marls.”
“Me? No way,” Marlene lied but broke into a laughing fit when Mary and Lily both poked their fingers into her ticklish ribs. “Of course, I’ve missed you! Life’s been mighty dull without the two of you.”
“Extremely dull,” Lily echoed.
“Mary,” her mum spoke, wiping her hands on the apron that was tied around her waist. “Why don’t you show your friends to your room? I still have some things to get ready for tonight.”
Mary gripped her friends’ hands and pulled them upstairs, excited to show them her room and all the things she was never able to bring with her to school.
She waved them in with a flare of her hand and Lily marveled at the sight of her room— her white four-poster bed with the cheetah-patterned duvet, the rack of clothes she spent so much time curating, her vanity table with the mirror that reached almost to the ceiling. Lily walked to her bed and pulled the pink chiffon that hung around her bed in a canopy into her fingers. “Did you do all this yourself?”
“Mum and Lees helped,” she answered with a smile, but the glee she felt was short-lived. Marlene was on her as soon as she closed the door.
“So…?” Marlene asked, she seemed to be bursting at the seams with energy and excitement.
Here we go, Mary thought to herself. She thought she would have more time, but she supposed it would be at the forefront of her mind. “So, what, Marls?”
“You know…” She waved her hands about arbitrarily.
“Marls, stop bothering her,” Lily chastised.
“Is this about my soul mark?”
“Well duh.”
“Well, I’ll have you know that I did not get one,” Mary said. She turned away from her friends, unable to lie right to their faces, and fidgeted with her tortoiseshell comb on the vanity table. She chanced a look in the mirror only to see Lily’s eyes following her with concern.
“Oh,” Marlene mouthed, looking downright guilty as she cringed. Lily shot her a look that said, I told you to stop bothering her. “I’m really sorry, Mare. I wasn’t thinking—”
“No, it’s a good thing Marls,” Mary exclaimed, turning to look at them. She walked the few steps until she stood only an inch away from Marlene and gripped her shoulders tightly. “Bily’s a muggle.”
Marlene gave her a confused look like she didn’t quite know what she was going on about. Didn’t she get it? What more did she have to spell out for her? Billy, her boyfriend, was a muggle and would not be getting a soul mark.
“Oh,” Lily breathed. “You think he’s your soulmate?”
“I know so,” Mary said, the conviction in her voice halting her friends from voicing any of their concerns. She could see the looks they were giving her though, and everything they left unsaid. Are you sure? But you’re so young.
“Well, that’s great, then,” Lily said eventually, and Marlene had enough common sense to drop the subject.
The rest of her birthday flew by like a dream. Billy kissed her on the porch after dinner. His tongue darted out of his mouth to meet hers and his hands tangled messily in her curls.
“Wow, Mary,” Lily had said when she came back inside, her lips swollen and her cheeks red. “He’s even more handsome than his picture.”
“Yeah, a real dreamboat,” Marlene said, letting out a low, and teasing whistle.
“Oh, stop it,” she said, but couldn’t shake the smile from her lips. They turned on the stereo after that, and danced around the living room with her sisters until her parents came down and told them it was time for bed.
She went to sleep that night, wedged between her two roommates, with a smile on her lips and a profound and impenetrable happiness in her heart.