Chapter 16
Peter arrived at the Potter’s a few days before Remus was supposed to get there. He liked being able to spend time alone with James—it reminded him of the times before they started at Hogwarts when he was still James’ only best friend. It was practically impossible to hang out just the two of them when they were at school, especially when Sirius was around— it was clear that those two shared a brain cell ever since their first day at Hogwarts.
They were sitting in the garden, snacking on the pastries Effie had baked for them the muggle way, when James asked him about Susanna. They had made it official over the last week of school. She had even let him give her a peck on the lips the night before they went home. It had been his first kiss besides the sloppy ones James and Sirius left on his face or the top of his head. They had a lot in common and he really liked her, but his birthday was only a few months away and the closer it got, the more he thought about it.
He would, or would not, be getting his soul mark very soon and then they would have to wait almost an entire year until Susanna’s 15th birthday. But what if they didn’t have the same mark? Or worse, what if she got one and he didn’t? Was it worth getting attached if there was a possibility that it would all have to end?
He didn’t know how to put all of his thoughts into words, so he just shrugged.
“I thought you liked her,” James said through a mouthful of Cornish pasty.
“I do,” Peter shrugged again, “but I don’t want to waste my time if we’re not soul mates.”
James frowned. “It wouldn’t be a waste of time,” he muttered. He sounded put out for some reason Peter did not know.
Peter scoffed. “Don’t you regret spending so much time going after Lily now that you know?”
“No.” James crossed his arms over his chest and pouted like a child.
“Come on, you have to regret it at least a little bit.”
James opened his mouth like he was about to argue but seemed to change his mind. “Let’s ask Mum,” he said. “She might be able to help you with this.”
“What? No, I don’t want to talk to your mum about girls!” But James had already called out for her. She apparated right next to them only a second later.
“Yes loves?”
“Peter wants to ask you something.”
Peter turned red and shook his head profusely. He took a large bite of apple tarte just so his mouth would be too full to talk.
James huffed. “Wormy has a girlfriend,” he blurted out. Peter kicked him under the table.
“That’s nice.” Effie smiled, warm and inviting. The smile lines permanently etched onto her face hinted at a lifetime of similar smiles. “Congratulations, Peter.”
“The thing is,” James continued. “He’s worried they’re not soulmates and wants to break up with her.”
Peter swallowed and eyed James with a look of betrayal. “I don’t want to break up with her,” he muttered.
“Oh, I see,” she nodded, as if she knew she would have to have this conversation eventually. She probably thought she would be having it with her own son, though. She accio’d an extra chair and sat down with the two teens.
“You know,” she addressed her son, for which Peter was grateful. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation with James’ mum without his friend there as a buffer. “I didn’t meet your father until I was almost 30 years old.”
“I know, mum.”
“Well, naturally, I dated a lot of people before we met.”
“Gross,” James joked, but Effie just ignored him.
“Wizards, witches, muggles even,” she continued. “I knew none of them were my soul mate early on, but I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world. I learned so much from every single one of them.”
Peter swallowed. “Wasn’t it hard to have to break up with them, though?” he asked.
“Yes,” she nodded. “I went through plenty of heartbreak.”
“Why do it then?”
“Because I wouldn’t be the witch I am today without them.”
Peter still didn’t get it. What did Susanna have to do with the wizard he would become when he was old?
Effie sighed. “Just remember to be grateful for the time you have with the people you love,” she said and stood from her seat. “I’ll leave you boys alone now. There’s more biscuits in the kitchen if you want them.” She swept her long black and gray hair behind her shoulder and for a second, the patterned white lines of her soul mark caught Peter’s eye. A second later she was gone.
“Do you have to tell your parents everything?” Petter huffed once Effie had gone back into the house.
“No, not everything,” James sulked.
Peter finished the tarte on his plate and neither of them said a word for a while. He wondered when things became so different. It used to be so easy to talk to James, now it just seemed like they were on an entirely different page.
…
Hope had already left for work when Effie apparated into their flat on Tuesday morning. Remus left his mum a note on the kitchen counter telling her he wouldn’t be back until the next morning. He had been worried if he asked her she would have said no, and he was desperate to get away and even more desperate to talk to Sirius.
Remus was trying to tidy up the flat as much as possible when he heard the pop of apparition in the living room. He thought his mum would be less mad if he did a few chores before he left, but he also felt a wash of embarrassment at where they lived— it was nothing compared to the beautiful and well-kept Potter Manor.
“Ready to go, love?” Effie asked. Remus was glad to see that there was no judgment behind her eyes.
Remus grabbed his backpack. It was light, containing only a change of clothes, his toothbrush, deodorant, his cigarette case and lighter, and Lily’s book. He grabbed the arm she held out to him, above the many golden bangles she wore around her wrist, and they were pulled out of the flat.
They landed in the foyer of the Potter manor. A grand staircase of deep mahogany loomed on one side of them and a cozy living room opened up on the other. The walls were adorned with both ancient artifacts and framed photographs of the family looking happy and energetic. The home had been passed down from Potter to Potter for generations and was teeming with life and history. There was a woven basket of laundry on the settee that was folding itself and a pair of knitting needles were working away on a skein of yarn in the corner. Remus felt magic all around him.
“Jamie and Peter are in the garden having breakfast. Go out and join them, dear.”
Remus thanked her and walked out onto the back patio that led to Effie’s famed garden. She was a talented herbologist and could probably give Professor Sprout a run for her money. The garden was blooming with all sorts of plants and herbs, some Remus recognized from the greenhouses at school. There was dittany, pink puffapod, moly, and mugwort. There were even some muggles would recognize like rosemary and thyme. James had told them once that his mum grew many of the ingredients used at the lab where his dad worked. The Potters made a great team, he had to admit.
James and Peter sat at an iron garden table that was shaded by a giant umbrella in the middle of the chaos of thorns and vines, talking comfortably between bites of the breakfast Effie had made for them. James wore muggle clothes— a pair of denim shorts and a plain tee shirt that was similar to the one Remus wore under his open flannel (it probably had been his at one point). It took him a while to notice Remus approaching, but once he did, he waved his arms above his head. “Moony!” he exclaimed, making a bit of half-chewed breakfast fly out of his mouth.
“Hiya Moony,” Peter called out, though much quieter than James. He wore a navy blue shirt and matching shorts. It was casual but looked like something that would be bought in a wizarding store. It was probably the type of fabric that was magically charmed to wick away moisture and kept whoever wore it cool in the summer heat.
“Mum made your favorite. Chocolate chip pancakes,” James said, and Remus didn’t waste any time digging in.
“How’s your summer been?” Remus asked when his plate was more than halfway cleared.
“Boring as all hell,” James whined.
“Fine,” Peter answered, though his shoulders were slumped, and he looked overall mopey.
“Right. How’s Susanna?” Remus asked him. He never would have thought Peter would be the first of the Marauders to get into a relationship even though he was partially responsible for it. He had been betting on Lily coming around before that if he was being honest. James had blabbed in his last letter that Wormy had had his first kiss right before break and Remus was dying to know more and wished Sirius was there because he was no doubt dying for an update too.
Peter groaned, scrubbing his face with his hand.
“He’s having a crisis,” James informed him.
“Oh?” Remus wanted to ask him about it, but James shook his head and gave him a look that said I’ll tell you later. It was a shame, really, they had gone to so much trouble to set them up. Not that Remus minded too much; it had given him an excuse to press himself against Sirius under the cloak for an entire week.
“Have you talked to Evans?” James asked, trying to stay nonchalant as he changed the subject, though Remus saw right through him. He cut a piece of his pancake with the side of his fork and shoved it into his mouth.
Remus nodded. “She sent a letter a few days ago.” He hadn’t written back to her yet and she would probably hex him for taking so long if she could. It was mostly just her complaining about her sister who seemed downright insufferable and asking him what he thought of the book that he had hardly picked up.
James perked up. “I didn’t know she had an owl.”
“Not an owl. Snail mail,” Remus answered.
“Snails? Why in the world would muggles send letters by snail?”
“Not— never mind,” Remus shook his head. “Why don’t you just send her an owl if you’re so bloody curious?”
“Maybe I will,” James shrugged.
They finished up their breakfast and took their dishes into the kitchen. Remus tried to wash his, but Effie insisted they just leave them in the sink and suggested they go out to the lake while the weather was nice.
They walked across the manicured lawn of the Potter’s backyard, past the quidditch goal posts James practiced with sometimes, and into the thicket of trees surrounding the property. There were other magical creatures around, Remus could hear them in the trees and brush, but none of them big enough to be too territorial. The diricawls flapped their wings above them and the bowtruckles clung to the bark of the trees as they passed.
After a short walk, they came to a clearing in the trees with a large lake before them. The water was clearer than any lake that Remus had ever seen, most likely enchanted by the Potters to remain clean and idyllic. There was a small dock with a little wooden rowboat tethered to it.
James and Peter threw off their shirts as they ran at full speed towards the lake. Remus followed after them at a slower pace, grateful that he was far enough from them to miss being splashed as they both launched themselves off the dock.
Remus removed his shoes and socks and sat down on the dock where light filtered in through the treetops. He dangled one foot off the edge of the dock and tucked the under beneath him. The water lapped at the hem of his jeans.
“Water’s great Lupin, come on in.”
“I’ll be staying on land, thanks.” He took out Lily’s book that he had shoved into the back pocket of his jeans.
“Boo,” Peter chanted. He dipped his head under the water and came back up, spitting water from his mouth like a stone cherub in a fountain.
James swam up to Remus and pulled on his leg. “Come on, Moony? For me?” James gave him his best puppy dog face, no mind that it was more of Sirius’ thing.
“No way, I’m not taking my shirt off,” Remus said resolutely. He pointed discreetly just above his hip bone, hoping James would get the hint.
He didn’t. “Moony, we’ve already seen them all,” James said, meaning his scars.
“Not this one,” he said. He lifted his shirt a fraction of an inch, pretending to scratch his side. Peter was too far to see but James caught the smallest glimpse of his mark.
“Oh, right,” James said, shooting a glance toward Peter who was treading water just out of earshot. They hadn’t told Peter about their soul marks yet. Remus always kept it covered, even on the full moons. He would already have the dirty bed sheets wrapped around himself when they met him at the shrieking shack and Padfoot always covered him when it was time to change back, pulling the tattered quilt in his canine teeth until it covered the majority of Remus’ naked body before the wolf’s fur disappeared. “We can do something else,” James said, pulling himself out of the water.
“Just go swim, Prongs,” Remus said, moving the book away so it wouldn’t get soaked by the water that dripped from him. “I’m fine here.”
“Prongs,” Peter called. “What the hell are you doing?”
“The gillyweed’s tickling my feet,” he yelled back.
“I don’t see any gillyweed. You two are both lame,” Peter complained, coming to sit next to the two of them.
Remus put his book away when he realized he wouldn’t be able to focus with James’s rambling right next to him. He put it back in his pocket and pulled out a spliff instead. He stuck it between his lips and was about to light it when James ripped the lighter from his hands. He probably would have thrown it into the lake if it hadn’t been a gift from Sirius.
“You can’t smoke that here.”
“What? Why not?”
“Mum won’t like it.”
Remus looked around, dumbfounded. “She’s not here, is she?”
“There’s wards mate.” James waved his hands around in the air. Remus hadn’t noticed them before, but once James mentioned it he realized he could feel magic surrounding them, encompassing them like a dome.
Remus scoffed. “Didn’t know this was a surveillance state,” he muttered to himself. but put the spliff back in the case anyway. He didn’t want to disappoint Effie when she had been so kind to him.
“What were you reading?” Peter asked him, shaking water droplets from his hair.
“Some book Lils lent me. Poems.”
“Lily?” James perked up. “Let’s hear one then.”
Remus pulled the book back out and flipped to one of the pages he had already read, to a section that Lily had underlined with her quill. The ink had smudged and blotted out some of the letters, but Remus was still able to read it. He cleared his throat and began to recite the words on the page.
This is the hour, O soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best:
Night, sleep, death, and the stars.
“What’s that mean?” James asked.
“I don’t bloody know,” Remus answered and the three of them fell into a fit of laughter.
“Well Prongs, now you have something to talk to Lily about,” Peter said, wiping a stray tear from the corner of his eye.
“Nuhuh, she’ll think I’m an idiot!”
Remus placed a hand on his shoulder, feigning comfort. “I think she already does, mate.”
Peter laughed again and James brushed his hand off. “Don’t think I won't push you in, Lupin,” he teased, though there was no real threat behind it.
The day passed after that in leisurely bliss and Remus tried to not think about his shift at work the next afternoon, lest he ruin his own mood. James and Peter hopped back into the lake eventually, when the sun hit the highest point in the sky, but this time neither James nor Peter pestered him about getting in.
It was barely starting to get dark out when Remus made them go inside in case Sirius called on the mirrors, even though James told him he usually didn’t call until much later. James had also explained that Sirius had asked him to stop calling, and instead wait for Sirius to call him when he was able. The worried crease on James’ brow made a pit open up in Remus’ stomach, but he tried his best to bite it down.
It was late when he finally called. James had had to pry the mirror out of Remus’ hands several times since they had retired to James’ room until James placed it on his desk and forbade Remus from touching it. To pass the time, the three of them played a game of exploding snap on James’ bed that Mr. Potter had put an extension charm on for the purpose of the sleepover, even though they all had argued that they could just kip on the floor.
“Nonsense,” Effie had argued while her husband cast the spell. “Have you seen that floor of his? Because I haven’t.”
“It’s not that messy, mum,” James mumbled under his breath, but Remus had to agree with her once they entered his space. It was worse than their dorm.
Remus dove for the mirror on James’s desk as soon as he heard the tell-tale tapping of Sirius’ call. Peter, who had already been snoozing on his side of the bed, sat up as Remus caused a stray crystal ball to roll to the floor.
“Sirius,” Remus breathed, relief and something else flooding his voice.
“Moony? That you?” Sirius sounded surprised. Maybe James hadn’t told him he would be visiting.
“Yeah,” Remus muttered. They were silent after that, soaking in each other’s faces like the first sip of water after being stranded in the desert. He looked okay, Remus decided with relief. His hair was pulled back from his face in the way that Remus knew he hated and the hollows under his cheekbones were slightly more pronounced, but he was smiling, and he was right in front of Remus for the first time in days.
“How are you?” He asked finally.
“Good,” Remus said, but it came out breathier than he wanted. He cleared his throat. “You?”
“Good,” Sirius answered. He sounded just as affected as Remus.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. That’s good,” Remus mumbled.
James coughed, interrupting their reunion. Remus looked back to the two of them on the bed. He had forgotten they were there if he was being honest. He had pretty much forgotten everything once he saw Sirius’ face. Peter was giving him a confused look and he realized how strange the whole thing must look to him.
“Prongs and Wormy are here, too,” he said dumbly. Remus cursed himself for not knowing what else to say.
“Right, good evening lads,” Sirius said.
James took the mirror from him after that and he and Peter arranged themselves, so they were each leaning their heads on one of James’ shoulders, trying to fit all three of them in the frame. Sirius didn’t have much to update— his parents were arseholes, and he was bored, what else was new. James rambled like usual, but Remus was hardly listening. He was too busy staring at Sirius, trying to memorize every bit of his face lest he forget something about him before the time came when he could once again seek refuge at the Potters. And if he wasn’t mistaken, Sirius was looking at him too, his eyes never straying too far from the side of the frame where Remus sat pressed against James’ shoulder.
It felt so familiar, like something had clicked back into place. If Remus closed his eyes, he could imagine that they were all back at school again. The night turned into the early hours of the morning and Peter had long since fallen asleep. His head had fallen from its perch on James’ shoulder, and he was now half lying in his lap. It wasn’t until Sirius let out a long string of yawns that they decided to call it a night, though Sirius tried to protest that he wasn’t tired. They all knew it was a lie.
“We’ll do this again soon, Pads,” Remus promised him. He would be back as soon as he had another day off— he wouldn’t be able to stay away for long knowing that Sirius was just a phone call away, unless his mum was still mad at him for taking off without notice.
“And you can always call me whenever you want,” James added.
“I know,” Sirius said. “Thanks for this, by the way. You have no idea how dull this bloody house can get.”
“We wanted to, Pads,” Remus said.
“Yeah, we miss you too, you wanker,” James added.
“Right, well good night then,” Sirius finally sighed.
“Night Padfoot,” Remus breathed.
“Night Moony.” The two of them shared a private smile, managing to ignore James who was taking up most of the frame. James rolled his eyes at the display. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him as his image in the mirror started to fade away.
“Wait Pads,” James stopped him before he could disappear completely. “How’s your brother?”
“Regulus? Why?” Remus looked at the side of James’ head, but nothing about his expression gave away why he was suddenly so curious about Sirius' brother. He thought maybe it had something to do with whatever they had talked about after they flooded the dungeons a few months back, but Sirius looked just as confused.
James shrugged. “Why not?”
“He’s…fine?”
“Good,” James said. “Night then.” He put the mirror away once the connection had ended and ignored Remus’ gaze as he shifted Peter to his own side of the bed and climbed in next to him.
“What was that about?”
“What was what about?”
“Regulus?”
“He lives there too, ya know,” James shrugged. “I was just being nice.”
“Right.”
“Now get in.” James lifted the corner of the duvet. “And turn off the light.”
Remus did as he was told, but he didn’t fall asleep right away. Instead, he imagined what things would be like when they were older. When they wouldn’t have to say goodbye every summer and Sirius would be out from under the thumb of his parents. He couldn’t wait for that day to finally come.
Effie apparated him home right after breakfast in the morning so that he would be able to get ready and make it to his shift at the pub on time. He was tired from staying up so late and he knew his day was going to be shite, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret anything.
“Can you drop me off outside of my flat?” He asked Effie. “Mum doesn’t like magic.”
“Sure love,” she said. She held out her arm to him and he felt the drop in his stomach as they apparated away from Potter Manor. They landed on the steps outside of his flat. A stray cat drinking water that dripped from the drainpipe startled as they appeared. It jumped and scurried past their feet.
Effie pulled him into a hug. She only came up to his shoulder and smelled like flowers and powder. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her. “Thanks for having me, Mrs. Potter,” he said.
“It’s Effie, dear. And you’re welcome anytime,” she said. “I know Jamie gets lonely being the only kid there.”
She apparated after saying goodbye and Remus unlocked the door, wishing to himself that he had a mum like James’.
…
Lily had walked the short block from her house to her neighborhood park, which was really just a swing set and small jungle gym in the middle of an unmowed field. She had stopped crying already, but her eyes were still red and puffy, and tears had stained streaks in her makeup. She sat down on one of the swings and swayed back and forth, kicking sand with her beat-up trainers.
Vernon had been invited for dinner that night and Lily had suffered through the ordeal in respectful silence. She smiled politely as Dursley told boring stories of his boring office job and nodded along to give the impression that she was actually listening. It was after dinner and her dad had gone in the kitchen with her mum to help bring out dessert when Vernon turned to her.
“Might be best for you to skip dessert, don’t you think.” Vernon smiled, the ends of his mustache tickling his lips.
She could have gasped. Blood rushed to her face, and she could barely hear him over the deafening pulse of it in her ears. The words ‘calorie deficit’ stood out to her and flashed in her mind like a neon sign. Calorie deficit. Calorie deficit. Calorie. Deficit.
Petunia was smiling, smug and ugly, when Lily pushed her seat away from the table.
She was thinking of all the things she would do to Vernon once she turned of age and could do magic outside of school, (she could turn his hair pink like she did to Potter back in 3rd year, Dursley would love that) when she heard the swing beside her creak.
“Hello Sev,” she sighed.
Snape, without a word, reached beyond the chain that attached the swing to the metal bars and stroked the bit of exposed skin behind her ear. When he pulled back, he held a white lily between his pale fingers, and offered it to her.
“You’re not supposed to do magic outside of school,” she said with a sniff.
“It’s just a trick,” he said, his voice low and deep. An illusion, like the kind muggle magicians did.
“Thank you,” she said, taking the flower. The stem felt smooth in her hand, and she rubbed one of the leaves between her fingers. It was real.
She wasn’t in much of a talking mood and Snape had to carry the conversation on his own. He had never been much of a talker, only saying precisely what he needed to ever since they had met when they were children, and there were many long pauses before Snape thought of something else to talk about while Lily sulked in the swing next to him. He was trying though, and she appreciated it.
She was starting to feel better, the incident after dinner retreating further and further into her mind until it was forgotten. He was always so sweet to her, when they were home that is. It was a little more complicated when they were at school— the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin ran deeper than the Montagues and Capulets. She knew their friendship made it harder for him than it already was—being a half-blood in Slytherin and all.
They stayed out there for a while. Snape pushed her on the swing, making her go higher and higher until she shrieked with delight. Then they retired to the merry-go-round, laying flat on the metal surface and looking up at the sky as the sunset.
“I have to go, Sev,” Lily said once the sky had turned black. “Mum will be worried.”
Snape walked with her all the way to her front door where they said goodbye. With any luck, Petunia would have gone to sleep but the way the curtain swished told her that she wouldn’t be so lucky. She had probably already told their parents some story about her taking off for no reason, conveniently leaving out the part where her boyfriend was being incredibly rude and hurtful.
She watched Snape retreat from the sidelights, his head down and his steps even and meticulous. She wondered if she would get to see him again soon or if his dad would make him stay inside for the rest of the summer.
“Lily?” She heard her mother call from the other room before she stepped into the hall in her housecoat and slippers. Lily took a deep breath and turned away from the door, ready for whatever her mum had to say to her. “Were you out this whole time? Tuny said you had gone up to bed.”