A discovery
Severus spent all his spare time before the Christmas holidays thinking of a plan to get Umbridge's memories. The old harpy would be staying at the castle for the two weeks of the holidays, Severus thought, and she wanted to use the time to find new ways of increasing her powers within the school.
Obtaining someone's memories against their will was an infinitely complex and strictly forbidden thing to do. Memories were protected by a form of magic that was intrinsically linked to one's personality: to rip out a part of one's memory was to rip out a piece of one's soul. Severus loathed to do such a thing. His soul had already suffered enough, and he knew he was destined for more psychic pain in the war to come. But his hatred of Umbridge had reached such proportions that one evening, the last before the holidays, he realised that he was prepared to do anything to get those silver threads he had so often seen extracted from Dumbledore's temple.
The Headmaster had a habit of emptying his memories into his Pensieve every night and Severus knew that he spent some time travelling into his own past. He told himself that it must be an old man's habit to relive things for comfort, perhaps. How did the Headmaster spend his evenings now that the Pensieve was in Severus's sitting room, sitting on the coffee table between his armchair and the roaring fire in the fireplace?
Twirling his wand between his long, slender fingers, his gaze fixed on the indefinably coloured lights that the flames of the fire projected onto the magical object, Severus once again came to the same conclusion he had reached for days. The Imperius Curse had to be used. It was the only way he could see. Umbridge would never drink a potion that could have the same result, the house elves would never agree to put anything in her glass. But it wasn't casting the unforgivable spell that frightened Severus, it was what would happen when he ordered Umbridge's puppet to give him her memories. Would they be altered by the use of the spell? How would she feel when she came back to herself? Would she know that her soul had been mutilated? Would Severus have to endure some form of curse or ancient black magic contract that neither he nor Dumbledore knew about?
These questions plagued Severus and he dreaded discovering the answers they would bring. He had heard that one could mutilate one's own soul, but what about mutilating the souls of others without their consent or knowledge? The thought sent a chill down the Potions Master's spine, and he shuddered, almost dropping his wand.
He sat back in his chair and made his decision: he had to do it, he had no other choice if he wanted to know what happened the last summer. Dumbledore was letting him take all the risks by making him believe that he could choose not to do it knowing that Severus would. There was something particularly cowardly about that... the word made Severus shudder. A coward, that was what Sirius thought of him. At once Severus put the man from his thoughts, as he had been trying to do of late. Every time the name of Sirius Black came uninvited into his thoughts, every time the image of his handsome, aristocratic face tried to impose its contours on his mind, Severus felt as if icy peaks shot through him, and that feeling was far worse than the one he had felt at the thought of wresting his memories from Umbridge.
Then his gaze fell on a small black shape, the corner of which protruded diagonally from behind his sofa. Severus frowned and said:
“Accio!”
Immediately, the object flew out of his dark corner and landed in his outstretched hand. It was a book. A book from the Sirius library. Now the man was back in his thoughts. Severus winced and wanted to reject the volume, but the title caught his eye. "Secrets of the Darkest Art" was written on the black cover, made of very old, worn and dusty leather. The Slytherin then remembered the little book he had brought with him, hoping to find something to help him recover his own memories, which he had completely forgotten. Perhaps there would be something on how to remove memories?
Severus opened the book and began to leaf through it. He felt his eyes open as amazement and horror overtook his tight control over his emotions. He had read some despicable things before, he knew about the arts of evil, about black magic, he had practised it himself, he had been fascinated by it before rejecting it... Severus thought he knew the forces of evil. And this book proved to him that some of it had remained completely hidden from his knowledge.
He felt his heart beating slightly harder and faster, not knowing if it was because of the excitement he was still feeling in spite of himself, or if the acceleration of his heart rate was caused by the intense disgust that filled his limbs and left a pungent taste in his mouth. He came across a page explaining how to use bits of people who had been disarticulated following a failed Apparition, another how to bewitch animals and give them human consciousness while retaining control, and an entire chapter was dedicated to the Inferi and explained how to use not corpses but skeletons to turn them into soldiers. On one page, the corner of which was corrugated as if someone had wanted to mark the spot, Severus read explanations on how to enclose part of one's soul in objects in order to achieve a cursed form of immortality. He had heard of such practices before and discovered that there was a name for these cursed objects: Horcruxes. Disgusted, as he was about to close the book, a word caught Severus's eye towards the end of the small volume. Occlumency. Unable to resist the temptation, Severus opened the book to the correct page. He read and was not horrified by what he found, but in a very paradoxical way, a kind of relief came over him.
This was something completely new. Severus had suspected that it must exist somehow, that it was possible because at least one person practised Occlumency in this way. Someone who could read minds without having to look their victims straight in the eye, without having to cast a spell, without having to destroy the magical protections with which the most experienced wizards were equipped. Severus believed that these abilities were unique to Lord Voldemort, precisely because he was the most gifted dark wizard who had ever lived, the one who had pushed the furthest limits. Severus believed that no one had been able to do such things before him, and here, before his very eyes, was written how to penetrate the minds of others without bothering with the conventions of Occlumency.
It was terribly dangerous, of course, deeply illegal. But Severus felt that a new plan was already beginning to form in his mind. He didn't know if he would be able to use Occlumency in such a way. He didn't even think that Dumbledore himself knew of such magic. What would happen if he became Voldemort's equal in this field of magic, and surpassed him? A shiver of excitement this time ran through his body, his heart beating faster and faster, but Severus suddenly realised he had no desire for that. All he wanted was to regain his memory and to do that he needed access to Umbridge's ones. Perhaps he had just discovered a way of doing this without damaging her soul but by confronting himself with his morality and the limits of his lust for power.
As he read and reread the pages devoted to Occlumency, Severus remembered that this book came from the Black library. How had it got there? Who had read it? He ran his finger over the tightly packed pages and the book reopened at the chapter on Horcruxes, where someone had marked the top of the page. Severus frowned. He knew that Sirius had a more than dubious family and thought of Bellatrix Lestrange, whom he had vaguely known before she had been locked up in Azkaban. He could well imagine a woman like her immersing herself in such a book and deciding to experiment with everything. Perhaps she had told the other Death Eaters? Or Voldemort himself?
It was rather unlikely, Severus reasoned. He could not imagine the Dark Lord and Bellatrix Lestrange discussing a book over a glass of Firewisky. The thought gave him a short, sudden laugh. Drained of all his energy, his head burning with ideas and questions, Severus closed the little book and hid it behind a row of magazines on potion-making for nocturnal use only. It was undoubtedly the most dangerous book his own library had shelved to date.
On the way to his room, his eyes fell on the letter Lucius and Narcissa had sent him after the article appeared in the Daily Prophet. They were the only ones who had come forward by post to show him some form of support. They had also invited Severus to visit them for a weekend at the manor, and although he had not replied or followed up the letter, he had been pleasantly surprised by the show of interest. Finally, perhaps he would visit the Malfoys for the first weekend of the holidays, the following day.
**
Severus was startled awake and knew immediately that something was wrong. He opened his eyes to find a silver phoenix glowing in the darkness and illuminating his room. He recognised Dumbledore's Patronus and sat up. Never before had the Headmaster sent a Patronus after him in the middle of the night. When Severus gave him his full attention, the phoenix spoke in Dumbledore's voice.
“Arthur Weasley was attacked by Voldemort's snake during his mission for the Order. He may die. I'll come down to your quarters as soon as Umbridge is out of my way.”
It took Severus a moment to realise what the message meant. The phoenix had vanished and the room was plunged into darkness. He reached for his wand and a ball of light rose into the air, and he hurried to get dressed. Dumbledore never came to see him, he always asked him to come to his study. What was different this time? Arthur Weasley had been attacked by Nagini, how did he know? Why did Umbridge know?
Severus paced back and forth in his small sitting room. He didn't much like the idea of Dumbledore coming here. In fact, he didn't like the idea of anyone coming here. This was his home and he didn't want to see anyone there but himself. He saw Malfoy's letter and quickly stuffed it into his pocket as he heard knocks on the invisible door. Of course, Dumbledore knew the way in. Severus let out an irritated grunt and went to open the door. The Headmaster immediately rushed into the room and Severus closed the door behind him.
“Well?" he asked, realising he was in a bad mood. “What's all this about?”
“It's serious, Severus," replied Dumbledore. “It's urgent, and first I must ask you a great favour.”
He waited and Severus said nothing. He was tired of doing Dumbledore favours.
“Well," he finally said, "this isn't much different from usual. What is it this time? Something more dangerous I suppose? Am I going to get the details of the story that woke me up in the middle of the night, or am I better off not knowing?," he said sarcastically.
“Severus," sighed the headmaster. “Arthur was attacked while protecting the entrance to the Hall of Prophecy. It was Voldemort's snake that bit him and he's dying. You are the only one who can save him.”
Severus remained silent, stunned by what he had just heard.
“I know that antidotes have always been one of your specialities, and you are one of the most gifted potioners of our time. The healers at St. Mungo's won't know how to save him. They won't find an antidote. You can.”
“I'm not sure," Severus said at last in a voice he was trying to control.
“Severus, I trust you. You have performed miracles before and I also know how you managed to save Remus. You will find an antidote for Arthur, you must.”
Though outraged at the way Dumbledore was forcing him to do things he didn't want to do, Severus knew he had to try. He could not let this innocent man die, and despite his great dislike of all the Weasley children, he did not wish to share responsibility for the loss of their father. Slowly, he nodded almost imperceptibly.
“Marvellous Severus," exclaimed Dumbledore. “We'll have to act quickly, Arthur will be arriving at the hospital soon. Have you got any Polyjuice Potion ready to use?”
Severus nodded again, annoyed at having to use the potion. He hated the effect the potion had on him, and especially the way the looks he received changed from the usual. He had only taken Polyjuice Potion a few times and had been deeply affected to discover that when he was another man, nobody looked at him with fear, disgust or disdain.
“You'll have to take on the appearance of one of the healers, I don't know which one yet. I know you can manage to keep the original from disturbing your work for as long as necessary.”
“I see," Severus said half-heartedly. “And what about Umbridge?”
“She must have found out from one of her spies at the castle, Argus perhaps, that Harry and the Weasley children were brought to my office in the middle of the night. I sent them to headquarters to await news of their father's safety with Sirius. I didn't want them there when Umbridge interfered.”
Severus flinched slightly at the mention of Sirius's name.
“I still don't understand how you found out about this, Headmaster, and I'm not sure about what Potter has to do with it.”
“That's the second point I wanted to talk to you about, Severus," sighed Dumbledore. “It was Harry who saw Arthur's attack. He was in the snake. He has access to Voldemort's mind, as I have suspected for some time. I want you to teach him Occlumency as soon as school starts.”
Severus felt the now familiar chill creep back into his limbs. After all he'd found out about Occlumency that evening, Dumbledore had come to ask him this.
“Headmaster... I don't think Potter will be very receptive to my teaching, I'm afraid the boy is too...”
“Severus I cannot teach him myself. If Voldemort were to gain access to my own mind, it would be a disaster for the Order.”
“What about my mind," Severus retorted sharply.
“You've been fooling Voldemort for years, Severus, I don't think he'll ever be able to see who you really are and what's inside you. You're far too good for that.”
Severus felt himself blush and was disgusted.
“I still think this is one of the worst ideas you've had," he said in annoyance.
“I've heard your opinion, but I'm asking you anyway. We'll talk about this later," Dumbledore glanced at a gold watch he had pulled from one of his pockets, "I think Arthur should have arrived at the hospital by now. Don't waste time, Severus, and leave the castle unseen. Umbridge is furious that Harry and the Weasleys left under her nose.”
He turned to leave and said at the last moment:
“You'll have time to deal with Umbridge's memories when you've saved Arthur. Let me know if I can help.”
Again, Severus merely nodded. He knew that Dumbledore would not help him even if he asked. Now he was responsible for the life or death of a man, a father of seven, a husband.
“Fuck," he swore aloud once the headmaster had left the room.
He rushed into a swirl of black fabric to look for the things he would need. Why did everyone insist on asking him to save their lives? Didn't he have enough problems as it was without Dumbledore having to dump all the Order's victims on him? He'd helped the werewolf to please Sirius, but deep-down Severus knew he couldn't bear to let anyone die without doing everything he could to try and save them. And that was what he was going to do with Arthur Weasley.