Madly, Deeply, Black

The void left in the great house by Severus' departure at the end of the weekend had left Sirius despondent. Things had not gone as he had hoped. He hadn't been able to talk to Severus about his feelings, not because he didn't want to, but because he realised his words would sound wrong. A bit like an exaggeration of kindness or good humour in a sad or tense context. Sad and tense: those were the two feelings that defined the two days they had spent together. Sirius got on well with Severus, they had interesting conversations and he enjoyed his company, but he couldn't help but feel that a cloud was constantly hiding the sun's rays from them, and when a ray of light broke through, it too was caught in the darkness. There was nothing they could talk about that would keep them from grief or anger. And Sirius had sensed that a statement from him would be unwelcome, almost meaningless. Everything he had prepared in his mind seemed pointless and he realised that he had never said anything like this to anyone before and he had no idea how to do it. He was usually so quick to rant and rave and charm his way out of trouble, but Sirius had no idea how to open his heart to Severus Snape.

If he was honest with himself, the thought that had plagued him all weekend was one of envy. Wouldn't it be easier if he followed one of his urges and just leaned forward and pressed his lips to Severus'? It would be so much more obvious, Sirius thought, if only he could find the courage to do it. He could feel the Gryffindor in him waking up when it came to fighting and the dangers of dark magic, but it all seemed to disappear when it came to kissing Severus.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Sirius was lost in thought when he heard the door close quietly. It was as if the dog had reared up and was lying in wait. Sirius reached out and grabbed his wand from the back pocket of his jeans. He stood up as quietly as he could, but the kitchen door creaked open and Remus' head appeared in the doorway. Sirius lowered his wand and felt a warmth spread through him, warming the gloom left by Severus' departure the night before.

“Moony!”

“Hello Pads, how are you?”

The two men gave each other a brief but warm hug and Sirius saw his friend smile at him.

“Have you moved back in with me?”, Sirius asked, almost sulkily.

“I've only been gone a few days," Remus said. “I thought you might be glad to have the house to yourself, since... you were going to have visitors.”

“What do you mean?" asked Sirius a little too hastily, feeling himself blush slightly.

“Well, wasn't Snape there?”

“Yes, Severus was there, but that doesn't change the fact that you could stay," Sirius protested weakly.

“Well, I thought it might be nicer for you to be left alone.”

“What are you implying?" Sirius choked, feeling like a trapped teenager.

“Nothing," Remus replied gently. He dropped his shabby bag on the floor and started to make himself a cup of coffee.

“What did you do this weekend," Sirius asked.

“I went on a little mission for the Order.”

“Yeah? And?”

“Well, there's not much to tell at the moment. I need Tonks to access some Ministry files, so I went to her parents' house.”

“How is my dear cousin?" asked Sirius.

“She's very well. She asked me to give you her warmest regards... yes, I think that's the expression she used.”

“And these files from the Ministry, what are they about?”

“Sirius I... it's not that I have to keep it a secret, not from you, but I really don't feel like talking about it now. Maybe later or tomorrow.”

“Oh, all right," Sirius said disappointedly.

He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and watched Remus out of the corner of his eye. He looked as exhausted as usual, but it wasn't like him to avoid talking about anything. They had always shared everything, or almost everything. It was then that he felt his heart miss a beat. Remus had carelessly thrown The Daily Prophet on the table to make his coffee, and Sirius had just noticed the front page. Someone was looking at him. Someone who had no reason to be on the front page of the newspaper. Sirius rushed over and pulled the paper towards him, breathless.

“Are you all right?" asked Remus.

“Moony... the front page...”

It was then that Remus seemed to notice them for the first time. A look of surprise passed over his scarred and tired features and he leaned behind Sirius to read over his shoulder.

A former Death Eater at Hogwarts

Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for over a decade, seems to have found a good career change. In fact, the Potions Master, who is much appreciated by current Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, is none other than one of You-Know-Who's most loyal former followers. You might think it odd that someone with such a sulphurous past as Severus Snape would want to keep someone on his teaching staff who is constantly repeating lies about the supposed return of the Dark Wizard. Dolores Umbridge, the Grand Inquisitor of Hogwarts, who is responsible for inspecting the courses of its colleges to check the standard and content of the teaching within its walls, expressed her unhappy surprise when she tried to inform the Headmaster of her assessment of Professor Snape.

“Dumbledore didn't even seem to listen to me," she told the Daily Prophet in outrage. “I showed him my assessment of Professor Snape's course and tried to explain to the Headmaster that the potions being taught were far too complicated and not up to grade level. I even went as far as to say that Snape's classes were dangerous, that he didn't listen to his class and that he was completely disrespectful to me when I tried to talk to him. I pointed out to him that the students might get the wrong idea if they had certain ingredients in their hands, or if they were able to make certain potions that were too advanced. Snape ignored me and, worse, admitted that he had a great interest in black magic. At a time like this, when peace has long been established, I was terribly shocked to hear this. I am even more shocked that Dumbledore would turn a blind eye to such words and practices, he who is so prone to see evil everywhere.”

Severus Snape could not be contacted by our staff, as he remained unreachable throughout the weekend. The man was apparently not at Hogwarts like most of the teaching staff. Dumbledore also failed to respond to our enquiries. According to the Grand Inquisitor, this is just another incident that proves the Ministry's need to put the school back in order. We have every right to question the logic of waging war on a wizard who has been missing for over a decade, while allowing a man with a current interest in dark magic to teach children. We thought it would be a good idea to inform the families of the Slytherin Head of House's past, and at the same time appeal to Albus Dumbledore, asking him if he is so senile as to turn a blind eye to the dangers of Severus Snape's teachings.

By the time he had finished reading the article, Sirius was speechless. His head felt as if it had been pressed into a cottony mist, the sounds around him suddenly muffled, as if the world had been stunned.

“What a piece of shit," Lupin's voice said in the distance.

Sirius was brought back to reality by his friend, who was swearing again, something very unusual for him.

“Did you know?" asked Lupin in a white voice.

“Know what?" asked Sirius, trying to hold on to reality.

“Snape's a Death Eater?”

“Was," Sirius corrected mechanically. “Yes, I knew, I saw his mark. I thought everyone knew. It's no secret.”

“I suspected it," Remus replied, "but I never had proof. You saw his mark...”

“He's been spying on Voldemort for us," Sirius replied, feeling his anger rise.

“Sirius, do you realise that this means that when we were young members of the Order of the Phoenix, after Hogwarts, Snape was a Death Eater? You don't think he knew Peter was one of them, do you?”

“Remus, stop it," Sirius shouted. “I've already asked him, what do you think!”

“Did you?" asked Lupin, grimacing.

“He told me he didn't know anything about it, that Voldemort had an informer, but he didn't know who it was.”

“It wouldn't have made any difference anyway, he certainly wouldn't have come to warn us," Lupin said sarcastically.

“Remus, he was friends with Lily, remember? He had nothing to do with Prongs' death," Sirius said in an almost pleading tone. “You don't know that, he must have known about Voldemort's plan.”

“You don't know Severus like I do," Sirius added, "he would never have let something like this happen if he could have prevented it. And don't think I'm saying this lightly, Remus, you know James was my brother.”

Lupin gave Sirius a stern look.

“I need some time to think about this," Remus said coldly.

“If you want, but don't forget that Severus saved your life without thinking of his own.”

“They're two very different things. He's changed, I think, but that doesn't take away from what he may have done before.”

With that, Lupin got up and went to his room, taking the newspaper and his cup of coffee with him. Sirius was left alone, his eyes fixed on the place Remus had just left. He could feel the fog in his brain lifting and his anger returning. What right had that old harpy to say such things in public? He felt a rush of panic come over him, Severus' cover with Voldemort and Dumbledore was about to be blown. What would the parents say? Sirius thought with some disdain that the Slytherin parents would certainly be pleased to know about Severus's past, and he was beginning to realise what that meant: deep down, this article didn't matter much in terms of how people viewed Severus, Sirius knew he didn't care. But it put him in danger and drew attention to him. Voldemort would surely see this article, and what if he decided to punish Severus for his lack of composure by blaming him for its publication? Sirius felt more than ever that he needed reassurance, that he needed to see him. He wanted to do something, not stay cooped up in this house he hated. Perhaps Remus could help him, once he had calmed down, Sirius thought. He would ask him to check on the others, especially hoping to find out how Severus was doing.

Sirius refused to let Remus' words haunt his thoughts. He struggled not to ask the questions he had already gone over and over in his mind about Severus' past and his role with Voldemort. Maybe he wasn't that important after all, he was very young, he had just graduated from Hogwarts, he certainly wasn't one of the Dark Lord's inner circle. So how had he achieved such status today? Voldemort must have had great confidence in him to make him his official spy. Sirius shook his head as if to dispel the thought, knowing it was useless. He felt a sudden surge of strength and slammed his fist down on the table. He wasn't going to accept being locked up if he didn't hear from Severus.

Sirius was sure that Remus would come to his senses and return to his usual gentle, understanding self. He had no doubt that he could easily convince him of Severus' loyalty, for although he had rejected the argument, he was only alive because of the Potions Master's intervention.

Then he began to think about the article. What was its purpose? Revenge, pure and simple, Sirius thought, his veins throbbing with anger. Umbridge had wanted to test Severus, something Dumbledore had apparently refused to do. Did the man have that kind of power? The old harpy had taken her revenge by telling the press that Severus had been a Death Eater, undermining the Potions Master's credibility and exposing him and the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Sirius was furious but didn't know if she was right. According to the Ministry, Voldemort was not back, so why try to panic people at a time when everyone thought they were enjoying a great period of peace?

Sirius got up from the table with a sigh and went to see Buck. He needed to think, and it was going to be a long day, locked away within the walls of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.