11
Sirius drummed his fingers on his desk. He was going out of his mind. Rabastan had written to him Monday about meeting up this week, it was now Wednesday and he still hadn’t responded. He wasn’t sure how to continue avoiding the man. Rabastan wanted to hang out with his friend Sirius, and clearly Sirius wanted to hang out with the object of his affections, Rabastan. But he was determined to continue trying to get over this man, he was also determined to ensure that their friendship continued so he couldn’t remain radio silence.
Sirius propped his elbows on the table and slumped forward over his arms, he sighed a deep sigh.
He had a few hours of paperwork ahead of him that he needed to finish, tomorrow morning he’d be dueling with the trainees and he always loved to take some extra time in the showers after. The more he got done now the more he could relax before having to get back to work tomorrow. He blew out a deep breath and looked up determined to get to work. Instead he found himself walking over to James’ office.
“Our little distraction plan isn’t going well” Sirius groaned
James frowned “I thought you were going to join the departmental meeting this morning to try to waste more time.”
“I did!” Sirius fell back on the couch in James’ office “it only lasted a few hours and here I am.”
James snorted “well don’t look now, Rabastan just walked in. Did you know he was going to come by?”
“Oh shit, he said he’d come last week but when he didn’t I thought I Was in the clear at work” Sirius was panicking “quick James throw your cloak on me”
James watched Rabastan walk over to Sirius’ office, a few moments later he saw him walk out frowning and then he made eye contact with James.
"Shit he's on his way over" James whispered out with a small smile on his face.
Rabastan nodded “Potter”
“Oh c’mon any friend of Sirius’ is a friend of mine, call me James” James laughed awkwardly.
“Rabastan” he responded with a small smile.
“I know Sirius is here today, I saw him leaving a meeting this morning while I was in one with the head of ‘Magical Gaming’. I came down to check on him as soon as it finished. I haven’t heard from him in a few days and I was concerned”
“Ohhhh, yes” James shifted nervously. Sirius laid as still as he possibly could on the couch under James’ cloak. Sirius was holding his breath James was almost as transparent as Sirius, this could not end well.
“He uh, he must have wandered out, and I’m unsure if he’ll ever return.”
“You’re not sure that Sirius, your best friend, will ever return to the place of his employment?”
“Yeah, no idea. Sirius, he’s pretty unpredictable, a real live wire, our dear Sirius” James laughed awkwardly and looked around.
Rabastan narrowed his eyes; in that moment, they were both reminded of Lily, and they both felt themselves start sweating ever so slightly.
“Perhaps he’s gone to use the loo, I’ll just wait for him for a few moments in his office. He’s been feeling better, yes?”
James nodded. “I think he’s been doing alright”
“Good” Rabastan gave him a tight smile and walked out with a quick nod.
After he was out of earshot, James pulled the cloak off of Sirius
“Whew, that was a close one”
“You’re unsure if I’ll ever return?!” Sirius whispered to him loudly
“Merlin James, we’re hoping I stay friends with him after all this. He’s going to think something is going on”
“Okay well there IS something going on; what’s going on is you want to get into his pants and I can’t lie for shit. I’m almost as bad as you at it.”
Sirius breathed out. He shouldn't take out his frustration on James. “You’re right, okay well how long do you think I can hide in here before Rabastan will leave?”
“I’m not sure; he did seem concerned about you” James looked thoughtful. “You know I can see what you saw in him. He’s all tall, and well built and he's kind of pretty…exactly your type”
“Yeah real helpful, Prongs. Thanks”
James frowned “You haven’t responded to his owl yet?”
“No,” Sirius groaned “I don’t know what to say to make sure I firmly say no but also ensure that he still wants to be friends with me later” Sirius massaged his temples.
“Maybe you should tell him the truth?”
Sirius blinked at him
“I mean don’t tell him you’re halfway in love with him, just tell him you have a little crush and it’s improper and you’ll get back to hanging out later after you get under a few others” James shrugged. “From what you said he seems like a decent bloke now that he's not chained to a mad man; what's the worst that could happen?”
“The worst that could happen is he laughs in my face and we’re never friends again!”
“Well, that might happen if you keep blowing him off anyways, Pads” James sat down next to him “My sweet Lily-Flower always tells Harry that honesty is the best policy; it’s how we figured out its been him switching out all our sugar for salt in the pantry”
“Ah, our youngest marauder, pranking-extraordinaire already”
James smiled and shrugged “It’ll be alright, always trust in my Lily-flower”
“You make me want to puke, James, honestly.” Sirius smiled sadly at him "But she's probably right"
“Alright, you go tell him and then we’ll duck out early to the pubs afterward okay?”
Sirius nodded and stood up.
“Hey Rabastan,” Sirius said as he walked into his office
“Hello Sirius” Rabastan looked up at him, eyes full of concern as Sirius walked by him and back around his desk to sit on his chair.
Sirius froze; he had been so sure he was ready to tell him the truth but looking into his eyes and his concerned face made Sirius want to jump across this desk and straddle Rabastan and coax his tongue down the man's throat.
Unfortunately, that would definitely be detrimental to their mission of getting him over Rabastan so he just sat down trying not to sweat.
“Your friend James said you were feeling better, but you still look a bit peaky. Are you alright, Sirius?” Rabastan looked so concerned Sirius almost felt bad.
“It’s been a little touch and go,” Sirius said slowly, trying to control his emotions and his libido “Sorry I haven’t responded yet; my schedule for the week is a little up in the air”
“Are they forcing you to work a lot, is that why you’re not getting better?”
Sirius paused, “I just have a lot of work piling up, I’ve been distracted so I haven’t been getting as much done” Sirius could feel his ears turning red and he cleared his throat. “What brings you by today? Did you have lunch with your father?”
“No, that’s not why I’m here today” Rabastan shot him a roguish grin, and Sirius felt his flush spread to his whole body. “I had a meeting with the head of Magical Games, they’re putting together some sort of quidditch exhibition game this year ahead of next year's world cup, and I’m on the team doing the wards”
Sirius’ mouth dropped open “That’s amazing!”
“I knew you’d be excited; I know how much you love quidditch. I wanted to tell you right away so I thought I’d come down and check up on you and let you in on the secret.”
“Thank you, Rabastan” Sirius couldn’t help but smile at Rabastan; he was sure he had hearts in his eyes as he stared at the man in front of him.
Rabastan cleared his throat “Do you think you’re free to get together this weekend with me Sirius? There’s something I’d like to discuss with you as soon as possible”
Sirius froze again; he licked his lips and tried to find his Gryffindor courage. “I, um, I can’t get together with you this weekend. Probably not next weekend either, Rabastan I’m…I'm sorry,” he finished awkwardly
After a quick flash of hurt Rabastan’s face cleared his pureblood mask suddenly in place, “Oh. I see. Have I done something to offend you? If so, I would like to apologize.” Rabastan’s could barely look him in the eye. Sirius felt like an asshole and deflated.
“No, Basti, no…don’t worry it’s nothing like that. No need to apologize.” Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose “I just...you know. Well …what I mean…is that um. I mean, Rabastan, I just can’t; I truly won’t be able to” Sirius had to whisper the last part out he tried not to blink lest Rabastan see him cry.
“May I ask why not?” Rabastan responded lightly. Sirius could see his mask wavering a bit.
“I just, I can’t be around you right now Rabastan…I mean you’re engaged. You have an Esmae. You have a fiancé. And I’m not your fiancé." Sirius's throat felt like it was closing up so he let out a small cough "I mean I’m Sirius and she’s Esmae." Sirius put his head down in his hands this was not coming out right "Obviously you know that, and I feel like you should eat with her, not me.” Rabastan’s eyes narrowed, and Sirius hurried to continue “What I mean is I’m starting to have feelings for you Rabastan”
Sirius suddenly stood up; the room was too hot
“I have feelings for you and it’s so wrong and I'm so incredibly sorry; you’re engaged and we’re just friends and you don’t see me like that at all."
He started pacing around behind his desk lightly "And you know, I just need some time. Just give me a little bit of time to get over my feelings for you so we can be friends again because I’d really like to be your friend.” He practically shouted out the last part. He wanted to melt into a puddle into the ground and escape.
Rabastan looked comically shocked. Sirius had never seen him like this, his mouth hanging slightly open. Fuck fuck fuck, Sirius thought to himself, I’ve gone and buggered this up, just like I bugger up everything; Sirius was in a full-blown panic now and was trying his hardest not to cry.
“I’m sorry, Rabastan, but I really didn’t mean to fall so hard for you. I just can’t hang out with you right now. Maybe you should just go.” Sirius bit his lip trying not to cry at how stupid he felt “I do hope we can be friends again one day but please just go for now.”
“No,” Rabastan shook his head.
“No we can’t?” Sirius felt some tears slip out.
“No, I don’t think I will go yet” Rabastan smiled at him gently.