Two
She wasn’t sure when he’d appeared today; it had started with the usual feeling of unease, like someone was watching her, following her. As her anxiety grew, he seemed to become more and more real, first appearing out of the corner of her eye and disappearing just as quickly.
By the end of her shift, he was fully formed, standing in front of her or circling her.
Driving home, she could feel his eyes on her. She tried to calm her breathing, but it was becoming harder and harder, and the part of her that knew he wasn’t there was quickly disappearing.
Shakily unlocking her door, she kicked off her shoes and loosened her tie.
“Go away, go away, go away,” she said through gritted teeth, her eyes screwed shut.
After a moment, Joan opened her eyes, and with a wave of relief, she found her house empty and her father nowhere in sight.
Feeling like she may be out of the woods, she quickly went about her business, eating breakfast before moving upstairs and changing into her pyjamas to get some sleep before she saw Vera tonight for dinner. The thought brought a smile to her lips.
As she crawled into bed, the familiar warmth came over her at the thought of Vera— her girlfriend.
My girlfriend! How did I ever get so lucky? She’s kind, smart, funny, not to mention beautiful. I love her; I haven’t told her that yet; I’m too afraid, but maybe one day… could she possibly love me back?
“Who could love you?”
No. God, he was back. She kept her eyes closed, praying he’d go away once more.
“Open your eyes, Joan! Don’t be rude! Look at me when I’m talking to you!” His voice boomed, and her eyes flew open.
He stood looming over her bed like he did so many times in her childhood. She shrunk back in the covers.
“How did I raise someone so pathetic!” He grimaced as he observed her. “Look at you, pining over some woman!”
“She’s not some woman!”
“Where did I go wrong? You’ve lost control! You’ve become a slave to your emotions! Lying in bed thinking of that little bitch”
“Don’t you dare talk about her like that!” She yelled, getting out of bed. “I love her!”
“You love her,” he mocked
“Yes!” She said defiantly
“You’re not capable of love, Joan. You hurt everything and everyone you touch! Just look at Jianna.”
“Shut up! I didn’t hurt her! I never hurt her! I loved her!” She cried, unshed tears burning in her eyes. “She-she killed herself! I never... I didn’t hurt her… I could never.”
“She died because of you! And what about your mother?”
“That was you!” She shrieked, “I found you! You- you drowned her, and I- I found you, found her! I tried to helped her but you wouldn’t let me!”
“She was going to leave me! She was going to take you and leave! It was your fault! None of that would have happened had we simply not had you! We never should have had you! You ruined everything! You’re poison, Joan.”
Joan was quiet as she stared at the man. It wasn’t the first time she’d heard this; he often said this to her during her childhood, mostly when he beat her or after, blaming her for him losing his temper. But no matter how frequently she heard it, it hurt her all the same.
“Nothing to say, eh? The truth hurts, doesn’t it?” He laughed
“Shut up,” she mumbled, tears coursing down her cheeks.
“What was that? Speak up, Joan! If you have something to say to me, then say it!” His voice boomed again.
“I said SHUT UP! Shut up, shut up, shut up!” She dragged her hands through her hair and pulled as she began pacing.
“You’re worthless.”
“Stop”
“You’re pointless.”
“Shut up”
“You’re nothing.”
“No!” She slapped herself hard.
“You’re worthless. You’re pointless. You’re nothing.”
She hit herself again, this time in the stomach, as he repeated the familiar phrase over and over again.
“Stop it,” she sobbed. “Please”
“Cancel this ridiculous date, and maybe I'll stop.”
“No!”
He began again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joan wasn’t sure how long it went on for, but eventually, she found herself on the floor leaning against her bed sobbing, cheeks red and stinging from her slaps. She dialled Vera’s number shakily, she took a deep breath trying to compose herself before speaking, wincing as her stomach and ribs ached from her own hits.
“Hello, it’s, um, it’s me. I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it tonight… Something's come up…I’m sorry.” She hung up, looking up at her father. She felt sick seeing the satisfied smile on his face.