The fields are painted gold

“But ma! I don’t want t’work on t’farm. Can I not help youse out wi’ t’shop?” Remus groaned, sat at the tiny kitchen table with his mother. “I’ll have to stay all summer.”

Hope bit her lip, looking worried, and Remus knew something bad was going to happen.

“Re, son, you know I love you, so much.”

Uh oh. Remus felt his heart speed up in his chest. Hope’s face and tone of voice worried him.

“Your da… he found the books under your bed, the- the magazines. He’s not happy, son. I think it might be best for all involved if you got out of the house for a little bit. He’ll come round, I’ll make sure of it, but I think this summer job down t’farm would do you a world of good, and maybe whilst you’re gone your da will see that having you around with a- a, well, not a wife, is better than not having you around at all.”

Oh.

Remus felt tears prick in the back of his eyes. His throat caught, and it felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. They knew. They both knew. He thought he had hidden the evidence so well. He had stored the magazines and books at the bottom of an old trunk, and layered all his old childhood clothes and toys on top of them. He had tried so hard to keep it hidden, but now they both knew. His mam couldn’t even say out loud that he was homosexual. His da couldn’t even bear to be in the house with him. It felt like someone was crushing his heart in their fist, squeezing out every last drop of blood.

“Oh.”

“I wish it weren’t this way, son, but you know Lyall. He’s an old fashioned man. He don’t like anything he didn’t grow up with, god love ‘im, and he definitely didn’t grow up with men like Freddie mercury on t’telly. And if he don’t like them that far away from him, well. It might be best if I drive you down t’farm this afternoon, before he’s done with work, alreet?”

Remus just nodded dumbly, and went upstairs in silence. He stopped in the doorway to his room. It was a small room, barely enough room for a single bed and a desk, but it was his safe haven, and he had carefully cultivated it. Now, all his old clothes and toys were strewn over the floor. The trunk was open on top of his bed, and his books and magazines, his most shameful and carefully guarded secret was laid bare for the world to see. His father had torn up the magazines, and their gaudy confetti littered his bed, but the books remained somewhat intact. Remus picked one up and flung it against the wall in anger. It hit the wall and slid to the floor, and the title Boychick stared up at him accusatorily, only stoking Remus’ anger further.

He packed his bags in a daze, feeling his rage fill him up from the inside out. His fingers trembled as he shoved all his clothes into the duffle bag his mum had left on the bed. Too soon, he stood in the middle of the floor, staring at his empty wardrobe where it hung open, eyes unseeing. Around him lay the carnage of his father’s discovery, but all he could see was the empty wardrobe. He wanted to cry. He wouldn’t let himself. He wouldn’t be one of those gay boys. Feminine and sensitive and sissy. Remus wouldn’t let himself cry, not stood in the ruins of his childhood bedroom, stood on the precipice of the only life he’d ever known.
A shout from his mum got his feet moving, and before he knew it he was in their ageing car, being tossed over uneven country roads, staring out at the fields.

Hope knew him better than to try and talk to him, and they spent the car journey in silence. Too soon, she was making the turn behind the sign that read ‘Potter Hall Farm’. The car pitched and rolled over the pot-holed track, and Remus watched the farmhouse loom up above him. Hope parked the car and looked at him. Remus looked back. His mum was beautiful, he thought. Her brown hair fell gently around her shoulders and her face was kind and open and full of freckles. As he stared at her, her eyes filled with tears, and he felt his own threated to do the same. He sniffed and looked away, digging his nails into his palm to distract himself.

“I love you, son. You know that right? I love you, so much. I’ll come and visit as much as I can, and you must write. And I’ll only be a fifteen minute drive down t’road.” he could hear in her voice that she was crying. He couldn’t look at her. He shook his head and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“I don’t want t’lose you, Remus. I’m doing this for your sake. Your father, he-” Hope stopped talking, and Remus dared to turn to her. She was staring straight ahead at the farm house, biting her lip. Her tears had made her mascara run grainy tracks down her face.

“I wish he were different, Remus. I wish he were better. I ken he’s been a shite dad, you know? Since you were about five year old I ken’d it, but what was I to do? I tried to be both mam and da to you, my love. I know I weren’t enough, but I tried.”
She was whispering now, as if she was talking more to herself than to him. Remus didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sure there was anything he could say. He reached out and took one of Hope’s hands in his, squeezing it. She squeezed back, before turning to him with a watery smile.

“This is what’s best, I think. You’ll do us proud, on t’farm. You’ll work hard, won’t you?”

“I will, mam.” Remus said. “I’ll do youse proud.”

“That’s my boy. My beautiful boy.” Hope said, turning more towards him and cupping his cheek with her free hand. “Right, shall we go inside? Get you settled in?”

Remus could only nod. The two of them climbed out the car and made their way to the farmhouse. The front door swung open when Remus knocked, and a woman’s voice with a distinctly foreign accent called out from somewhere inside.

“Come in! First door on your right.”

Remus and Hope looked at each other, before following the instructions. They found themselves in a large kitchen, full of colour and warmth. A woman was stood at the sink, washing up plates and bowls. She had the darkest skin Remus had ever seen, in fact, he thought he’d only ever seen people of colour in the news and on the telly. Her hair was long, and pulled into a neat braid that hung down her back. She was wearing a sort-of long dress over loose trousers and warm, fleece-lines slippers. Her smile was warm as she turned to him, and Remus found himself liking her immediately.

“You must be Mrs Lupin, and Master Lupin. Please, sit. Would you like a cup of tea?” the woman asked, and Remus and Hope sat at the end of the long table taking up one wall of the kitchen.

Remus said “None for me, thanks.” at the same time as Hope said “yes please. Milk, two sugars if you have.”

The woman nodded and busied herself with the task, before placing a large stoneware mug infront of Hope and sitting down with them. Her skin glowed golden in the light of the window, and Remus found himself in awe of it.

“Right, well, it's lovely to meet the both of you. My name is Effie, and my husband and I own this farm. We have two sons, both of whom are at school right now but will be coming home for their summer holidays in a matter of weeks. Your job here would be to mainly the odd-jobs that my husband and myself have neither the time nor the strength for. Lambing season has just started, which you will be helping with. There are fences that need fixing, a barn that needs restoring. Can you drive?”

Remus nodded, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the prospect of a summer of physical labour. He wasn’t small by any means, but he also wasn’t that strong. He played football a bit at school, but that did nothing for the upper body, and whilst he did most of the heavy lifting for his parent’s little grocery store, the heaviest thing he ever carried was the milk bottles, and they were nothing compared to the likes of what he would need to carry on a farm.

“Wonderful. You may then also help us with the deliveries, and the like. I know this is likely a lot to take in, but we will ease you into it, and Monty- my husband- will be there with you each step of the way. Come summer, my boys will be there to help you too, which should lighten the load somewhat, though only James is good at the physical aspect of the work.”

Remus nodded again, feeling more overwhelmed by the second.

“You look a bit shell shocked.” Effie commented, and the two women laughed. Remus just sat there. “Shall I show you where you will be staying?”

Remus nodded again, apparently struck dumb, and the three of them rose and followed Effie to where she led them out the front door. A little ways behind the house, across an overgrown lawn of sorts sat a little cottage.

“There is a spare room in the big house, should you get lonely out here, but Monty and I thought you might appreciate your privacy, especially when the boys are here.” Effie produced a small key and unlocked the door. Immediately inside was a small sitting room, with a tiny sofa and armchair. There were two doors in the back wall. Effie explained that one was the bedroom, and one was the bathroom. It was nicer than Remus had expected. Much, much bigger than his room at home and a hell of a lot more privacy.

“I’ll let you get settled.” Effie said, handing Remus the key, and slipping out of the door. Remus dropped his duffel bag on the floor and turned to his mum. Hope opened her arms and Remus fell into them, drawing her in close and resting his cheek atop her head. She smelled like strawberries and woodsmoke and he had never felt his love for her so keenly before.

“I love you, son. Don’t you ever forget that, okay?” Hope said against his chest.

“I ken it, Mam. I love youse too, alreet?” Remus responded, giving her a squeeze before stepping away.

“I’ll be back down this weekend t’check on your progress. Please, don’t make trouble for these nice folk. Life is likely hard enough for them already, what with being so foreign. I don’t want to hear any complaints, alreet? Keep your head down and do as your told, Remus.” Hope was back to her usual motherly self, and Remus rolled his eyes.

“Alreet, mam.”

“You’re my favourite son.” she said, reaching up and kissing his cheek.

“I’m your only son.” Remus said, smiling. They often had this exchange.

“I love you.” Hope said again, as she opened the cottage door to leave.

“I love you too.” Remus said to her, before watching her walk back to the car. He watched her drive away until the car disappeared from sight before he went back inside his new home. He sat down heavily on the sofa, buried his head in his hands, and cried his heart out.