Highway to Hell

It was clear, from the decisions being made, that Remus John Lupin was very much not okay. He was sitting on the couch surrounded by other people all too high to notice him taking too many pills. He had done this many times before though, he thought, choosing to conveniently ignore that he couldn't remember if he had already taken some or if this was the first batch. He had a sneaking suspicion, however, that he had already taken some earlier because he started to feel very sick and the world was losing focus. There was a thought in the back of his mind that now would be a good time to call an ambulance or shout out for help but when he tried, he simply couldn’t. He had lost all feeling in his limbs and could feel himself slumping over. His mouth went numb and his brain fogged up. He was distantly aware that this was overdosing; he was overdosing and he couldn’t really find it in himself to give a shit. He knew no one else would care either, except maybe Lily. Lily was nice and she helped him with his essays when he couldn't find the right wording. Oh well, guess she’d have to find a new charity case, he thought. His vision starts getting spotty and black and as he starts to lose time, Remus thinks his last thoughts were quite sad. He didn’t have any family that he loved, or friends he would feel guilty for leaving, or love of his life, or any ambitions really. All he had was a nice girl from his class whom he was sure was annoyed by him. Well, that's just depressing. The lights and the noise and all feeling finally fade out for the last time.
~
It isn’t like you would expect really. He doesn’t jerk awake or have any sudden realizations of life goals or people he wants to reconcile with. He just kind of wakes up, and with a raging fucking headache at that. It hits him a moment later that he isn’t where he was before because before he was in a dim room on a matty couch squished between fellow drug addicts who smelled like shit. Not that he was much better. Homeless people tend to smell bad, and Remus happened to be homeless. Only recently though. He had been doing fine up until his job at the paper had decided to “go a different way” and fucking fire him. The first thing he lost was his apartment and then his personal belongings and then his dignity and will to live. This had all happened in the last three weeks. But Remus had been doing drugs on and off since he was fifteen. He had tried almost everything in the book; molly, mary jane, coke, percs. You name it, Remus Lupin had most likely tried it. He mostly stuck with pills though because they were easy. Nothing to smoke or crush, just a small tube to swallow. But through all these five years Remus had always known his limits, he had never taken too much because he had never wanted to. He wanted to numb the pain and would go to extreme lengths but he didn’t want to die. Remus had plans, he was a good student and a good writer and he was going to go to college in New York and become a paper editor and be rich and famous. And then his mom died and his dad started hitting him and his best friends decided they were too good for him and then he started doing drugs. Nobody cared that he was a druggy though because Remus John Lupin was top of his class and it didn’t matter what he did to get there and what addictions he dealt with to push himself there. He got himself Valedictorian and he got himself into NYU and he got a job at a paper and he got clean. Remus stayed clean up until three weeks ago, when he was fired and his life fell apart.
He was fully awake now and he could tell where he was. He was in a fucking hospitel which was both good and bad. Bad because he is a homeless drug addict overdosing and in a hospital and cops exist. Good because he isn’t dead and also because of the strangely attractive man standing in the corner who is pretty sure isn’t the doctor because he is wearing a leather jacket.
“So, how come I ain’t dead Mr. Leather Jacket?” Remus rasps out.
The other man sharply looks up from his phone, his stark blue eyes meeting Remus’.
“Oh, um, I was at the party and I saw you pass out and you didn’t seem to be waking up and then your nose started bleeding and one time my friend told me that nosebleeds can be a symptom of overdose so then I brought you here and the doctors said It was lucky I found you when I did cause five more minutes later and you'd a’ been dead.”
Remus just stares at him because WOW that was a lot of information at once.
“Sorry, was that too much?”
“No, Mr Leather Jacket '', Remus responds, calling him the nickname because in all that he never caught the other man's name. “What's your name by the way?”
“Oh, It’s um, It’s Sirius Potter. What’s yours?”
“Remus. Remus Lupin”
“That’s an inter-”, Sirius was so rudely interrupted at that moment by a doctor knocking on the door and coming in.
“Ah, Sir, I see you’re awake. How are we feeling?”
“I mean, objectively I’ve been better”, replies Remus. Honestly, he tried to be polite but he does hate hospitals.
“That’s totally understandable. But the good news is that I think as long as nothing goes wrong in the next couple hours you could be going home by noon today. I will just need your information and your insurance as well as any family members to contact who can pick you up.”
“Pick me up? Why do I need to be picked up? I can walk perfectly fine-ish.”
“Well”, the doctor starts slowly,” as per hospital policy, we can’t let anyone who is a risk to themselves leave unattended. It’s simply a matter of the fact that you came in last night with a dangerous amount of drugs in your system and for safety reasons we need someone to watch and make sure you won’t try to take that again. Now, if you'd like to leave on your own we can do a psychiatric evaluation but that would mean you would be here an extra 48 hours.”
Remus just sits there after the doctor finishes his speech and stares at the wall. The issue is that he doesn’t want to stay for two extra days because he can’t even afford the medical care he has received up to this point, but Remus also doesn’t have anyone to call. He has no family or friends. He can’t afford to stay, but he literally can’t leave.
“I- I um don’t have anyone to call”, Remus looks at the wall so he can’t see the pity on their faces, “and there's no way I can afford to stay any longer.”
“Do you want to come to my apartment? I have a roommate but I can promise you that he won’t care at all. He would probably welcome you actually”, Sirius says, surprising Remus. He hadn’t expected the offer and it’s a nice offer but he’s hesitant to take it. On one hand, he was just at a party surrounded by people who didn't care if he died (with the exception of Sirius) and on the other hand, Sirius is a stranger and Remus doesn’t know who he is or what he intends to do.
Both the doctor and Leather Jacket Sirius were staring at him now, waiting for an answer. In a split second decision he made up his mind and hoped to god that Sirius or Sirius’ roommate didn’t kill him in his sleep.
“I’ll do it. I’ll go with you.”
~
This was probably a huge mistake, but there is no going back now. Sirius had just pulled up to his apartment and Remus was realizing that he was about to go into a stranger's apartment and hoped he wasn’t killed and that this stranger's apartment was very very nice. They got out of Sirius’ car and walked up to the front entrance. Remus could tell that Sirius was nervous because he kept fidgeting. It's understandable because as strange as this is for Remus, it's weirder for Sirius. He's about to bring a homeless drug addict he picked up at a party and took to the hospital to his house.
“If this is too weird I can just go”, Remus says. Sirius stops on the first step and looks back at Remus. He looks confused for a second and then seems to slowly register what Remus is implying. “And where exactly would you go?”, Sirius says back. Well, he’s got Remus there so Remus just looks at him and shrugs and walks up the stairs past Sirius to the door. “You gonna let me in or not?”. Sirius unlocks the door and walks in and immediately Remus feels out of place. If he thought the outside was nice, then the inside is the fucking Mona Lisa because holy shit it’s gorgeous. So far all he can see is the living room and most of the kitchen and even from this view he can see designer furniture and paintings and a huge TV and one of those fridges that has a screen on it. Remus is a bit overwhelmed, to say the least. He follows Sirius blindly up the stairs and just looks at all the extremely expensive things just laying around.
“We have a guest room you can use, but we do use it to store some stuff. Just an old drum set and some boxes.”
Remus perks up a little bit at the mention of the drum set. Back in high school he used to play drums for a band he was in. They called themselves The Pack, its a stupid name and they only used it cause they all have wolf themed names. The others in the band were his best friends at the time and they were also there when he got into drugs, in fact, they got him into them. When Remus started trying to say no and started trying to get clean, they ghosted him. That was the first time Remus overdosed. He didn’t really play drums anymore but he always loved them. Sirius leads him into the room and he literally almost starts crying because this room is bigger than his old apartment and because the drums in the corner are in perfect condition and look just like his old set. After a moment he realizes that he has been just standing there for a solid two minutes and Sirius is also just standing there staring at him while he gazes longingly at a fucking drum set.
“You know, if you play then you're totally welcome to use it. James and I don’t mind the noise, we're used to it cause we're both in a band.”
“You're in a band?”
“Well, I wouldn't go so far as to call it a band. It's more of a hobby. We play at the occasional bar but because we don’t have a drummer anymore, we can’t play the music we really like so there isn’t a whole lot of drive or passion or anything.”
“What happened to your drummer?”
“Oh Kingsley? He just moved back home to Londen to be closer to his family. There's no bad blood or anything, he just grew out of it.”
“I was in a band. In highschool. It uh- It didn’t go well.”
“What happened?” Sirius says, sounding concerned.
“They got me addicted to cocaine. Then ghosted me when I wanted to get clean”, Remus states very plainly. No reason to hide it, he figures. And the look on Sirius’ face is also hilarious and totally worth it right now.
“Right! Anyhoo, I’ll leave you alone for a while to get settled. There is a bathroom through that door,” Sirius says while pointing to a door located to the left side of the room,”and dinner will be around 6 ish, depending on when James gets home”, Sirius says this all very fast and awkwardly. It makes Remus smile.
After Sirius leaves the room Remus really looks at the whole thing. It's a large open space and the ceilings are high. The floor to ceiling windows are letting in the golden late afternoon light. The light illuminates the queen sized bed in the middle of the back wall across from the door. The bed is filled with lush pillows and a thick comforter all ranging in shades or green and gray. There is also a dark wooden desk in front of the window, right beside the drum set. Remus eyes the drum set again. It really is exactly like the one he had in highschool. He almost checks to see if “The Pack” is still written on the set, but he knows it wouldn't be. His dad smashed his old set when he found the drugs.
Remus looks away, feeling a little too nostalgic. He decides the best course of action is to take a shower and wash the hospital feel off himself. He makes his way to the bathroom, which of course turns out to be fucking gorgeous. It's all porcelain and a huge tub as well as a separate stand up shower. He takes his time and enjoys all the random bath products and the hot water and the overly fluffy towels. It’s not till he's standing in a towel about to walk out that he realizes he does not in fact have any clothes.
“Shit”, he whispers to himself. He's going to have to go find Sirius and ask him for clothes. In a damn towel. Well, he honestly can't embarrass himself more.
Remus makes his way out of the bathroom, only hesitating for a second before leaving the guest bedroom altogether; still with a towel wrapped around his waist. He can hear Sirius talking on the phone in another room and follows his voice.
“James, it’s fine. Remus seems totally harmless. No- James listen to me- James shut up. He needed a place to stay and so he is staying here. End of Discussion. Stay with Monty and Effie if you're so uncomfortable”, Sirius paused for a second,” Yeah that’s what I thought. See you in an hour.”
“Hey”, Remus speaks out softly, not wanting to interrupt. Sirius immediately whips around with wide eyes. “How much of that did you hear?”
“I heard enough. I get it, I'm a stranger you guys should be cautious.”
“I am, but you're also harmless Remus”, Sirius’ eyes widen as he looks down and seems to take notice of Remus’ state of dress, “uh- do you uh need clothes? Sorry I totally forgot to give you some before.”
“Yeah. Yeah that would be nice. Thanks.” Both Remus and Sirius are blushing at this point, the entire interaction entirely too awkward.
Sirius walks past Remus and leads him out of the living room towards another door in the hallway. He opens the door and Remus knows immediately this is Sirius’ room. It's messy and grungy and the clothes are thrown all over the place and there is food and trash everywhere. Remus stands in the doorway and Sirius walks over to a dresser and grabs some sweatpants, boxers, and a t-shirt. “Here, I think these may fit”, Sirius says as he hands them over to Remus. Remus proceeds to quickly and embarrassingly take his exit, gripping his towel tightly in one hand and the clothes in the other. “Thanks!” he calls without looking back.
~
Remus is violently stirred from sleep at the sound of glass crashing to the ground. He hadn't even remembered falling asleep but it is not uncommon for that to happen when he's recovering from an overdose so he isn't surprised. He hears someone cursing loudly and is confused because it doesn't sound like Sirius until he remembers Sirius has a roommate. It seems the elusive James is home. Time to go meet his unwilling housemate. Remus rolls out of bed- literally, like literally rolls onto the floor- and groans as he makes his way to the door.
He finds Sirius and James in the kitchen. He also finds a murder scene. Or at least what looks like a murder scene. There is red stuff all over the floor and broken glass and James has a massive cut on his hand.
“I would shake your hand, but I don't fancy getting blood on things that don't belong to me.” James and Sirius both look up quickly, obviously startled by the interruption.
“Oh, Hi. You must be Remus”
“Yep. You new pet druggie!” Remus states sarcastically.
James looks slightly taken aback. Sirius is giggling behind James.
“So, what's going on here?”
“Well”, Sirius chimes in, “we tried to make spaghetti and it did not go well.”
“I can cook it. If you want.”
“You can cook?”
“Yes”, Remus rolls his eyes,” practically lived by myself since I was 14 so I had to learn to cook or starve.” Remus neglects to mention the reason he practically lived by himself. James and Sirius look at each other and seamlessly decide not to get into that topic right now.
“Yeah, knock yourself out. Use any ingredients you need. Also, you're cooking for eight people total. I forgot to mention earlier but we have some friends coming over later for dinner.”
“Not a problem”, Remus says. He may be internally freaking out because he's not used to this many people but he is not going to make a fuss since Sirius literally saved his life and brought him home after.
Remus gets started on making a pasta bake since it's something he can easily make in bulk. He is so focused on cooking that he is only actually aware of James and Sirius cleaning up around him and he misses entirely when other people start to show up. He only notices that more people are there when he is looking for salt and sees a familiar face. Lily. Lily as in Lily from his writing classes. Oh fuck.
“Remus?”She looks very confused. And rightly so, considering Remus is making dinner in her friends kitchen and wearing her friends clothes.
“Uh. Lily?”
“Wait, you guys know each other?” Sirius pipes in.
“Yeah”, Lily distractedly glances over at Sirius for a second,``Remus, where have you been? I haven't seen you in class or at the paper?”
Remus scrunches his face in embarrassment and considers what he should say. “I got fired and lost my apartment” is what he settles with.
Everyone in the room turns to look at him.
He can feel everyone gazing at him. He hadn't realized this but it seems everyone had arrived while he was talking to Lily and now six other people are openly staring at him.
Lily sees this too. “So, what are we eating?” She tries to shift the subject as subtly as possible.
“Baked pasta” Remus replies slowly. He goes to take it out of the oven and this seems to spur everyone into action. They all start getting places and forks out and getting the table ready. Soon enough food is served and they are all sitting at the table eating. It is without a doubt the most awkward dinner Remus has ever had.
Someone finally breaks the silence. “I’m Mary”
Remus looks up at her, “Im Remus” he says. She smirks at him, “Yes I know”. After this the rest of the table starts to introduce themselves. He honestly doesn't remember anybody's name but he tries to be polite. The dinner gets less awkward as time goes on. As they are finishing up someone, Peter he thinks, suggests they go out to a bar. Sirius glances at Remus before saying “I don’t know if that's the best idea right now Pete.”
Peter looks sullen for a second before Remus pops in and says, “You guys don't worry about me. I was gonna go to sleep anyway. Still tired from everything that happened.”
“You Sure?” Remus is surprised to find James asking him this.
“Yes. Go. I'll be fine”
“If you insist.”
They all make their way out of the apartment and Sirius locks the door behind him. For a second Remus is surprised they actually just left a stranger in their very expensive apartment until he notices the high tech alarm and cameras. Remus makes his way back up to his guest room with full intentions of sleeping. That is, however, until he lays eyes on the drum set. He feels a sudden urge to play. He hasn't felt an urge like this in years, and yes here he is. He finds a couple drumsticks on the desk and sits down on the chair behind the drum set. He takes a second to get comfortable and acquainted. As soon as he feels comfortable, Remus lets all hell loose. He plays like he did in highschool. He plays with ferocity and violence. He plays like he is living his last moments. He lets every ounce of frustration and anger and depression out through the drumsticks and plays and plays and plays. He doesn't realize how long he has been playing until he looks up and sees Sirius absolutely dumbfounded in the doorway. Remus comes back into reality and realizes how out of breath and sweaty he is. He looks over at the clock and sees that two hours have passed. He looks back up and sees that James has joined Sirius in the doorway.
“What were you just playing?” Sirius whispers.
“A song I wrote”, Remus hesitantly answers.
James looks him dead in the eye. “You have to join our band.”
“I haven't played in a band in years, '' Remus says.
“Your a natural Remus”
“What else do you have to do anyway?” Sirius says.
Remus considers both of their statements and thinks about how good it felt to play. He really would love to get back into drums. This could be an amazing opportunity. He simply can't pass it up.
“You got yourself a drummer,” Remus says.
Sirius and James make eye contact for a second then look back at Remus. “Let's go tell Pete.”
~
The very next day, band rehearsals start. Almost immediately everything clicks and feels right. They all mesh perfectly together. Their music is dynamic and flows together and they all come to a startling realization that they sound very good. They sound good enough to go places. The first song they decide to master is the one that Sirius and James caught Remus playing. They name it “Highway to Hell”. They practice it for days whenever they find free time; James mastering the vocals, Peter on the guitar, Remus on drums, and Sirius on the bass. On the fifth day of them rehearsing the song, James barges into the rehearsal room with a look on his face that can only be described as manic.
“Guys”, he says, “Guys I booked us a gig. Well, not a gig. We only play one song and we open for another band. But still. We get to play our song.”
They all look at each other and break out in grins.
“Wait what did you say our band name is though?” Peter chimes in.
“Oh”, James starts with a smirk, “I put us down as ‘The Marauders’ since Minnie likes to call us that anyway. Thought it would be kind of funny”
“Who's Minnie?” Remus asks.
“She is our landlord,” Sirius responds.
“I like the name,” Peter adds. They all look at each other and start smiling. They get to play their song. For other people. As a band.
“Well, lets get practicing fuckers. We can't mess this up.” Remus grabs his sticks and looks at the other while raising an eyebrow. They all get into place and start the song over for the tenth time that day.
By the time they finish rehearsing they are all sweaty and tired. They rehearsed the song so many times that Remus could probably do it blindfolded and in his sleep. He could also probably do it high off his mind, but he’s trying to get clean so that’s not going to happen. By the time they finished rehearsing it’s dark outside and when Remus looks over at the clock, it’s past seven at night. “Hey it got pretty late. Y'all wanna call it a night and get some food?” Remus asks. The other three look at him strangely for a second before Sirius finally says, “Y’all?”

“Oh, well I grew up down south” Remus says, his face turning red with embarrassment as he looks down. He doesn’t often talk about his childhood and sometimes he even forgets that he didn't grow up in the city. Mostly he tells people that he grew up in New York because he doesn't want the weird questions people ask when they find out he grew up in Texas. They always ask why he left and what it was like and did he really eat biscuits every morning for breakfast? It was always just weird and awkward.
But Sirius isn’t weird or awkward. He just says “Okay, that’s cool” and moves on. Honestly, it’s a little surreal for Remus. No one has ever been able to pick up on the fact that his childhood makes him uncomfortable; but Sirius, Peter, and James do. It’s like they almost immediately came to the silent conclusion that this was not a topic that would be discussed any time soon. And so they just moved on. They ended up agreeing to get take out from an Indian place a couple blocks down and Remus offered to pick it up since he couldn’t pay. He needed to get a job soon. Remus picked up the food and walked back to the house. He was expecting to get back and eat the food quickly and then everyone would go to bed. He was pleasantly surprised with how the night actually turned out. When he gets back, Peter, Sirius, and James are setting up trays in the living room and getting drinks all while arguing about if they were going to watch a movie or play board games. It was a madhouse and Remus loved every second of it. They ended up watching Die Hard and playing Monopoly because they couldn’t agree. It was probably the best day Remus has had in months- no it’s the best day in years. Remus has smiled and laughed and had the most genuine moments he has had in years with people he has known for less than two weeks. That night, he goes to bed smiling for the first time in a very long time.
~
Remus has decided to get a job. He is tired of literally living off of other people and he wants to be independent again. The only issue is that when you apply to jobs you need a home address. And he needs to talk to Sirius about this. The last few weeks have been rough since Remus is technically detoxing (it’s not as bad since he wasn’t doing as many drugs as previous time in his life), and so far Sirius and James haven't commented on the fact that Remus has basically become their third roommate. But Remus doesn't want to assume, so he goes to find Sirius and James because it’s time for them to talk about this.
He finds them in the kitchen attempting very poorly to make cookies. It’s funny how bad they are doing.
“Remus! Help us please” Sirius says very enthusiastically.
“I will”, Remus laughs,” in a minute. First, I think we all gotta talk”. His tone of voice clues them in that it's a more somber kind of talk. “What up Remus” James says, looking concerned.
“So”, Remus trails off for a second, “I was filling out some job applications and they all asked for a home address”. He leaves it there for a second. Sirius and James understand after a second longer. They give each other a look and then look at Remus together. Remus feels like he is about to be told off by his parents. “Remus, James and I have actually talked about this. We were just waiting for you to bring it up. He didn't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything and we know it’s been a rough time for you recently.” Oh god, they're going to kick him out. They are definitely going to kick him out. He starts to panic internally and tries not to show it. Evidently, he fails. Of course Sirius notices, he always does. “Oh my god, wait! We aren't going to kick you out! Oh I should have worded what I was saying better. No. Oh my god”, Sirius looked very panicked,” No Remus, we were going to officially ask you to move in.”
It doesn't fully register in his mind at first, but eventually the words sink in and he is extremely confused. “What?”
“Remus, we want you to move in. Your our friend now and your in the band”
“Are you only asking me to move in because I happen to be a homeless drug addict you picked up at a party?”
Sirius looks very taken aback, James is just confused.
“Hold on”, James looks over at Sirius, “ a homeless drug addict? You picked it up at a party? Sirius, you told me he was a friend from work that got kicked out of his apartment.” James sounds very mad. It slowly registers with Remus that James didn't know why he was really here. He looks at Sirius. “You didn't tell him?” Sirius at least has the audacity to look scared. “Listen guys. Remus was really nervous and honestly you seemed completely harmless and James I knew that you were going to freak a little and be a total mother hen and I didnt want to scare Remus off.”
Remus sees red. He is mad. Remus does not like being lied to and Remus does not like liars. He walks out without looking back or grabbing anything. He only stops to shove shoes on his feet and a jacket on because it's cold. He simply ignores James and Sirius yelling. He can't tell if they are yelling at him or each other. He does not care. He doesn't do liars. He is fuming. He walks out onto the street, picks a direction, and runs. He fucking runs. Remus is not a runner but at the moment he could go forever. He doesn't even know how far he has gone until he looks up and realizes where he is. He almost throws up when he realizes. It’s where he used to buy from. He was upset and so he subconsciously went back here. He feels sick. He almost immediately turns around and walks back the way he came from. All the anger seems to fizzle out of him. There is a realization that maybe Sirius wasn't trying to hurt him or James, he was actually trying to protect them. So he decides to go back and hear him out, because he is trying to be a better man and this seems like a good step to take. It seems like the healthy thing to do so he walks back and it takes him almost an hour. By the time he gets back he has been gone almost two hours and he is no longer angry, he just feels bad. He walks up to the door and knocks. Sirius opens the door and Remus can see the stress immediately leave him. “Are you okay?” is all he says as he moves to let Remus in and all Remus can do is stare. No one has asked him that and meant it in so long. He just stares because Sirius looks so genuinely worried about him and his vision starts to blur and he realizes he is crying. He expected to be yelled at and berated, instead he was welcomed. And he just starts crying. Remus hasn't cried in a very long time. “Can I hug you?” Remus asks in a very small voice. At this moment, he needs a hug. Sirius doesn't even hesitate, just pulls him inside, closes the door, and wraps his arms fully around Remus. Remus may be taller but somehow Sirius encompasses Remus. He wraps his arms fully around and pulls Remus in and Remus breaks. Every part of him is pulled apart at the seams. Every wall comes crumbling down. He feels every emotion he can name. He feels exposed. He feels loved. And so he just sobs. Loud, heavy, heart wrenching sobs. Sobs that come from the bottom of his soul and force their way out of his mouth. And through this entire thing Sirius is clutching him and rocking and whispering things to him like “I have you”, “Go ahead and cry Remus' ', and “Remus it's going to get better”.
Eventually, he stops crying and comes a little more back into reality. At some point they had moved to sitting on the floor. He looks at Sirius. “I can't talk about it right now, but eventually I'll tell you everything. I need you to have some grace with me though.”
“Okay” is all he says because of course Sirius just understands. “James went to his parents house for tonight because he likes to be alone when he’s angry. He's Not angry at you Remus, He is angry at me.” Sirius makes eye contact before he continues. “Right now, we're both going to go to sleep and take a moment to think and understand what happened tonight. Tomorrow, James is going to come back and we are going to talk like mature men and then tomorrow night we're going to perform our song. No one is mad at you Remus. No one wants you to leave. We didn't ask you to stay out of pity, we asked you to stay because you have become part of our friend group.”
Remus looks at him and nods. He lets Sirius walk him to the guest room and into the bathroom. He lets Sirius clean him up and walk him to the bed. He lets Sirius tell him goodnight and Remus even says it back. He goes to sleep with the knowledge that Sirius is on his side. That he has someone fighting for him.
~
The next day is when the ever fated talk happens. James arrives back home sometime around ten in the morning and when he arrives he comes in to find Remus making an array of breakfast food. You name it, Remus made it. There are stacks of pancakes and waffles, there are muffins and biscuits, there's bacon and sausage and there's even some gravy too. When he notices that James is standing there he stops what he's doing, which happens to be washing dishes. He simply says, “I'm sorry I ran out. I'm still detoxing and my emotions run high when I detox. If you want me to leave I will.” James takes a moment before saying, “don't leave”. He says it with such surety and strength that Remus knows it's more than don't leave the apartment. It's James telling him not to leave him and it's James saying he wants Remus in his life. Remus, for the first time in a very long time, responds simply by going over to James and hugging him. Remus is not good at expressing how he feels with spoken words, but what he can do is actions. Remus is an action guy. He may not say he needs you or wants you but he will show you with hugs or affection or by going out of his way to make you food.
“I think we need to get Sirius in here to talk”
Remus nods, “Yeah I can go find him.”
“No I got it” James says as he starts walking out of the kitchen.
When James is gone Remus doesn't really know what to do anymore. He stands there and lets himself think about what he will do if they decide to make him leave. He won't stop talking to them, he thinks. He would have to go to a shelter or something because it's too cold to sleep on the streets. Maybe he might have to steal a sleeping bag. No. He doesn't want to steal. He's done it before and it's just not smart. Maybe he-
Sirius and James walk in and interrupt his chain of thought. Well, this is going to be awkward, but it is necessary. “Let's get some food and then we can talk.”
Once they all have some food, they sit down at the small round kitchen table. No one is talking yet so Remus decides to start. He figures there are some things he needs to clear up. “I think I wanna start this off by telling you guys some stuff about me”, Remus takes a deep breath and prepares to bare his soul to these two men,” I started using when I was fifteen. Some friends of mine at the time started smoking weed and using pills and pushed me into it. I do blame them, but ultimately it was my decision to start. It was stupid and I shouldn't have done it but there was a lot of pressure on me. I was fourteen and some stuff happened with my family and there was a lot of pressure on me and I broke about a year later and started using. It was small amounts at first. And it started with weed. Then these friends I had started to ditch me when I wanted to be sober or when I wanted to be good, so I used more. They started getting more and more shitty and I turned more to drugs. I also had a lot of pressure to get good grades so I took a lot of adderall so I could study more. Everyone wanted me to be valedictorian but no one cared how I got there. I finally got clean in college. I came to New York to study journalism and I decided on my first day of class that I wanted to be done with drugs. I stopped texting my friends back and I tried to quit. It took me six months to really stop. I just kept relapsing. I’ve been clean- I was clean- for about a year and a half. About a month and a half ago I got fired from my job. Without my job I couldn't pay for anything so I lost my apartment and all my stuff. I couldn't handle it and I started using again. Sirius found me at a party about three weeks after that happened.``
Sirius and James just look at him with open mouths and stupid expressions on their faces. They knew it was bad but they really had no idea.
“Remus- I don't really know what to say”
“I do”, Sirius says,” your staying here. You're going to stay here because now you have us and so you're going to stay here until you get sick of us and leave.” James nods in agreement with Sirius. Well, that seems settled then. “Okay” Remus whispers back. He really doesn't want to but he starts tearing up again. “You don't know what this means to me”, he says. James and Sirius just look at him and smile and Remus knows that it's settled then. He's got a home now.
~
Remus hasn't gotten ready for a gig in over two years. Despite this he remembers his routine down to a T. He starts off with a shower and then he picks his clothes. He goes for flowy and comfortable clothes because he moves a lot on drums. He eats something after this so he doesn't get hungry and then he does a little makeup. Remus had asked Sirius the other day if he had any makeup and in response Sirius had gone to a store and bought him everything he had asked to borrow. It was really just eyeliner and mascara but Sirius had gone out of his way to get some other stuff too. For now though, Remus is sticking to the basics. He does some eyeliner on the water lines and then does a small wing and after that dries he puts on the mascara. He looks at himself in the mirror; he's got on an old band t-shirt from Sirius and the pants he went to the hospital in which are just oversized black cargo pants. He thinks that maybe he looks good and he smiles a little in the mirror at himself. Remus gathers what he might need and walks out of the guest room. He promptly bumps into Peter. “Oh”, Peter says,” Hi, I am meant to come get you so we can leave.”
He follows Peter outside the apartment and sees James and Sirius in the van they loaded stuff in earlier that day. Remus smiles at them and they smile at him. They load everything into the van and set off, excitement buzzing throughout all of them.
They approached the venue about fifteen minutes later and Remus immediately recognized this place. For starters he worked here during his freshman year. He also got drugs here during his freshman year. Sirius seemed to sense something was off with Remus, “what's up man?”
Remus steeled his nerves. “Nothing. I’m all good.”
Sirius looked unconvinced but made his way out of the car anyway. James went inside to ask where they were going to put gear while the others started to get out and unload. James came out a minute later. “Alright, there is a back door we can go through that leads directly to the side of the stage. We can bring our stuff that way and set up. Our set starts in an hour, so let's get moving boys!”
It took them twenty minutes to move everything in and another fifteen to set it up. With a ten minute break until they had to be back for mic check and vocals, the boys split up with James and Peter going to get drinks at the bar and Sirius and Remus trying to find a bathroom. They meandered around for a minute until they found a cramped hallway leading to a minuscule mens bathroom.
“So, you nervous?”
“Nah. Are you nervous Sirius?”
“A little. I haven't played a show in a while.”
“Me neither. But we're gonna be great.”
Sirius smiled up at him and they made their way back to the stage just in time. After a quick mic check, one of the bartenders came up and introduced them to the packed crowd in the bar. “Give a warm welcome to a new band: The Marauders.” The crowd clapped and cheered a bit, obviously apprehensive since they had never heard them before. James looked at Remus to give him the signal and Remus beat his drumsticks together three times before James and the other joined in.
Living easy, living free
Season tickets on a one-way ride
James was belting in a growly voice and the crowd was eating it up. Anticipation rose as they reached the bridge of the song and all of them sung this part.
I’m on the highway to hell
The crowd loved them, they were eating it up and screaming along videoing them and the boys were having the best night of their life. They looked at each other towards the end of the song and seemed to wordlessly communicate one thing to each other: this was just the beginning.