Chapter 8
Hermione woke to the sound of running water. She was alone in the bed. She pushed up onto her arm, looking across the room at the closed bathroom door. Hermione felt daring in her morning after glow. She got out of bed, still naked, and quietly made her way into the bathroom. She leaned against the door for a moment, taking in the sight of Severus’s silhouette behind the glass door of the shower. He had his head tilted back as he let the water wash over him, cascading down his back. Hermione bit her lip, feeling an overwhelming hunger for him. Unable to wait any longer she slid open the door and stepped into the shower.
Severus turned around slowly to take in the sight of Hermione standing before him naked in the light of the morning, the steam from the shower dampening her hair as it fell down by her breasts. He stepped towards her, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in close. Hermione inhaled sharply but the sound was quickly slowed by Severus’s fierce kiss. He captured her lips with fervor, licking at her top teeth and tangling his tongue with hers. Hermione’s inhale melted into a moan as she pressed her body against his. He tangled his free hand in her hair, keeping her mouth locked with his, not letting up from the hungry kiss that sated the hunger they had both woken up with.
When they finally pulled apart Hermione exhaled slowly, looking into Severus’s dark eyes. “Morning,” she whispered.
“Good morning.”
He was still holding her close.
“Last night was nice.”
Severus nodded. “Indeed it was.”
“It…wasn’t a…”
Severus tilted his head, intensely holding her gaze. “If you don’t want me in your head then you need to learn to finish your sentences.”
“It wasn’t a one time thing, right?”
“I was not under such an impression. Were you?”
Hermione shook her head, enjoying the feel of his hand cradling her skull.
“I just wanted to make sure. Since I’m…leaving soon.”
“I do not wish to think about that.”
Hermione bit her lip. “Me either.”
“Then stop mentioning it.”
Hermione smiled. “Okay. I will.”
“Good.”
“Good,” she agreed.
Severus took a step back, studding her wet and naked form. “You’re stunning.”
Hermione blushed. She lightly traced one of the scars running across his chest.
“As are you.”
Severus made a noncommittal, grunting sound, and then grabbed her by the hips and spun her around so that her back was up against the shower wall.
“Severus, what are you—”
“Hush, dear.”
He leaned down and kissed her neck. Hermione’s eyes fluttered closed as she leaned her head back against the wall, savoring the feel of Severus’s tongue and teeth on her skin. He made his way down the length of her neck and then across her chest, nipping at her collarbones. He caressed her breasts, taking each peak gently between his teeth and biting down until soft whimpers escaped Hermione’s lips. He continued his exploration of her body and eventually dropped to his knees before her.
Hermione opened her eyes, startled, and looked down at him. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
“I—you don’t have to—”
“I am well aware of that.”
“But you…want to?”
“Is that so shocking to you?”
“I…” Hermione’s hips quivered. “No one’s ever wanted to before.”
Severus was quiet for a moment. “Well then,” he reached up and wrapped his large, lithe hands around her hips, holding her still. “I am honored to be the first.”
With that he shifted forward and pressed his mouth to her. Hermione moaned loudly at the wonderful and unfamiliar sensation of his tongue against her. He worked between her legs with his familiar precision, bringing her to the precipice with such ease it was staggering. Hermione tangled her hands in his hair for stability as her orgasm washed over her, her moans lost in the rush of the shower. Severus pulled back, gazing up at her with a look Hermione wanted to mistake for adoration.
“That was…lovely,” she breathed.
“Yes,” he said. “You are.”
***
Since it was Sunday Severus didn’t have any classes to teach so Hermione was curled up beside him on the couch reading a muggle novel while he read an ancient text on experimental potions. After a few hours and several cups of tea Severus sat up.
“Let’s go.”
“What?” Hermione closed her book and set it aside. “Where?”
“London. Let’s go to a bookshop.”
“A muggle bookshop?”
“We can’t very well go to Flourish & Blotts now can we?”
Hermione smiled at the idea of Severus Snape waltzing around muggle London in his long flowing wizard robes.
“Alright, let’s go.”
Twenty minutes later Hermione was leading Severus into a small corner bookshop, their hands laced up together in perfect sense. The two wandered the aisles separately for a while until Hermione came upon Severus in the poetry section, a copy of Emily Dickinson’s collected works in his hand. She walked up softly beside him and rested her head against his arm; it just felt right. He did not move away. They did not need to hide or pretend in the muggle world, no one knew who they were.
“Because I could not stop for death,” Hermione said, seeing the poem Severus had the page open to—it was one of her favorites, “he kindly stopped for me.”
Severus tilted his head to look down at her. “The carriage held but just ourselves and immortality.”
Hermione smiled up at him. “I had no idea Severus Snape was a man of poetry.”
“Only sometimes.”
He smoothed down some of her wild curls, gently combing his fingers through her locks as he did. The motion was so sweet and simple, it felt to Hermione like they’d been living this way for ages. Waking up together, showering together, spending the day together surrounded by books. Casually touching the way lovers who have known each other for years and years do. They fit against each other so easily. Hermione knew it would make her heart ache that must more when it was time to go.
Severus leaned down and planted a kiss on the top of hair.
“Stop thinking of it, dear.”
And that, Hermione really liked the sound of him calling her ‘dear.’
***
Monday passed with Severus off teaching his classes and Hermione lazing around the apartment reading and drinking tea. At the end of the day Severus burst into the room, startling her. She was leaning against the counter, a novel open before her as she was waiting for her tea to steep.
“Hello,” she said with a smile.
Severus didn’t smile back or even say hello, he just strode over to her, wrapped a hand in her hair, and pulled her in close, pressing his lips to hers. Hermione moaned softly, immediately melting against him, letting him hold her close as he consumed her with his kiss.
“I’ve thought of nothing but this all day,” he said, his lips brushing against hers.
“Oh. Really?”
He kissed her again, his desperate passion evident in the movement of his mouth and the tight grasping of his fingers.
“Really.”
He pulled back slightly and with perfect smoothness lifted Hermione up and settled her on top of the counter, settling himself between her legs, his mouth descending on her neck. Hermione sighed softly, wrapping her arms around him while he nipped at her skin, licking and kissing across her tendons and collarbones.
“Come to bed,” he murmured into her neck, dragging his hands along her ribs, down to grip her hips.
“It’s hardly even supper time.”
“I don’t care.”
Severus picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. The two hastily did away with their clothes, too eager to recreate the slow stripping of the other night. Severus pressed Hermione’s naked body against one of the bedposts, tangling his hand in her hair and tugging, forcing her head back.
“You are exquisite,” he murmured.
He slid a hand down her stomach, causing her to gasp, until he reached between her legs and inserted two fingers inside her which caused her to moan.
“I love that sound.” He nuzzled against her neck, biting at her skin.
“I love your hands,” she breathed, digging her nails deep against his back.
He moved his hand against her, removing his other hand from her hair to cup one of her breasts. He caressed her, pinching and twisting in all the right ways, pulling moan after moan from her mouth. With a few more thrusts of his fingers Hermione toppled over the edge, holding on tightly to him as she rode out the waves. Severus pushed her back onto the bed, Hermione eagerly spread her legs, taking him inside her. He groaned as he settled himself between her thighs and Hermione bathed in the sweet sensation, the exquisite pressure and friction.
“This is wonderful,” he said, kissing her cheek.
Hermione beamed. Never in her life would she have imagined that Severus Snape could be so sweet and she certainly never imagined that she would be the one to make him so.
“Yes,” she whispered, taking his face in her hands and turning him to face her so she could kiss his lips. “It is.”
***
The days with Severus began to pass peacefully, joyously. Hermione read and slept while he went off and taught his classes and at night they ventured into muggle London together to visit bookshops and eat at tiny hole-in-the-wall establishments where they could be with each other in peace. And then they went home and crawled into bed together, tangling their bodies up together in perfect harmony. Hermione never tired of moaning his name and he never tired of kissing every inch of her body. The days became weeks and the weeks became months. The blood moon drew closer and closer and Hermione’s fear of her inevitable heartbreak loomed over her like a dark cloud. Severus tried to remind her to forget, to push the thoughts from her mind but they always came back; each time more viscous than the last.
All her fears came to a head on a Wednesday afternoon when Severus was working late. She was searching for a book about ancient runes he had checked out from the library recently that was her turn to read. She found the book with moderate ease but as she reached for it her eyes caught sight of an old scrap of parchment with a handwritten spell scrawled across it; an ancient, experimental spell. She tentatively picked it up, examining the old writing on the page, it was clear Severus must have done some serious scouring to find it.
Which made the objective of the spell hurt even worse.
Hermione crumpled the paper into a ball and stuffed it in her pocket, tears welling up in her eyes. She didn’t think, she just turned and ran, slipping behind the tapestry to the passageway and racing off into the forest, unable to bear being in his home a moment more. Once she was among the trees her tears began to freely fall.
***
Hermione sat by a small creek in the forest, her back up against an old willow tree, head tilted back to watch the stars. She wasn’t surprised when she heard Severus’s familiar footsteps approaching her.
“You didn’t leave a note,” he said tersely, looming over her, his black robes engulfing him like a vicious shadow.
Hermione reached into her pocket and produced the crumpled up piece of paper.
“You did.”
Severus reached out and snatched the paper from her. Hermione watched his face fall as he unfolded it.
“I see.” He folded the paper and tucked it away in his robes. He nodded to the empty space beside her. “May I sit?”
Hermione gave the slightest nod. Severus settled down beside her against the willow. He reached for her hand but she snatched it away.
“You want to forget me,” she whispered.
“Hermione—”
“That kind of specific obliviate spell couldn’t have been easy to locate. You went hunting for it. I’ve seen it before you know. During my research for Muggle Studies I saw that magic healers used it after the first Wizarding War and even way back during the Burning Times to help witches and wizards with PTSD and eventually they even treated muggles with it; ones who had suffered at the hands of wizards so that they wouldn’t have to remember the torture.” Hermione exhaled slowly, turning to finally lock eyes with Severus. “So forgive me if I stormed away when I saw that you’re planning to erase me from your memory as if I’m—as if this—has been a trauma.”
“I am not erasing Hermione Granger from my mind. I will still remember you. I just won’t remember this…time together.”
Hermione shook her head, tears welling back up in her eyes.
“You won’t remember me. You won’t remember this Hermione. Your Hermione.”
She noticed Severus still at her words, feeling the weight of them, crushed under the gravity of what she’d said.
“I hadn’t planned for you to find out this way. I was going to make a copy of the spell for you and then discuss it—”
“No. I don’t want a copy. I don’t want to forget.”
“You think I want to forget you?”
“Why else would you do this?”
“Because it will hurt too much.”
Hermione froze. Severus sighed.
“To have you like this and then to lose you, knowing there’s no chance of ever getting you back is a pain I can’t endure.”
“What a coward you are, Severus Snape.”
He reached for her hand again and this time she let him take it.
“I have never claimed to be brave, but it has been a long time since anything truly scared me, but the thought of missing you for the rest of my life…that—” he looked deep into her eyes, “—scares me more than anything.”
“That can’t possibly be true.”
“Yet it is.”
Hermione tried to tug her hand free from his but he wouldn’t release her.
“I have survived losing so many people I’ve loved,” she said, “I survived torture and a bloody war. I can survive losing you and remembering it.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
“I want to.” Hermione studied his expression. His brows knit together in sad confusion. She sighed.. “You don’t understand. I thought things would go back to how they were after the war. That Harry, Ron, and I would be the way we once were but there’s no going back from something like that. Ron and I tried to make it work and we couldn’t. I had no family to go home to, no place I felt like I belonged. I was so lonely and then…there was you. I have felt more at home in your rooms than I have anywhere since I was a little kid walking into Hogwarts for the first time. Being here with you has made me feel more whole and at peace than anything has in years.”
“I see.” He was quiet for several long moments. “Perhaps you don’t need to forget entirely, but memories can be reshaped with certain spells. To make things easier to bear. They can be rewritten—”
“No,” she snapped fiercely. “Not those memories. Not one word. Don’t you dare.”
Severus was silent in the face of her defiance. Hermione exhaled softly then shifted forward and pressed her mouth to his, reaching up to caress his cheek, keeping him close. He kissed her back, just as hungrily, just as desperately. When they finally pulled apart they rested their foreheads together, their breathing shallow and quick.
“I can feel you in my head,” Hermione whispered. “I know you can see how I feel.”
Severus pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, resting his hand against the curve of her jaw.
“I can.”
Hermione nodded, her head moving gently against his.
“Come with me.” She hated how pitiful her voice sounded with those three begging words on her tongue but she couldn’t help it. She wanted him and was just as terrified of losing him as he was of losing her.
“Hermione,” he said softly, “you know I can’t. The timelines—”
“Risk it,” Hermione said. “I don’t care about preserving the order of things, I just care about keeping this.”
“I’m dead in your world, dear. What could we possibly do?”
“We can go live in the muggle world the way we do now.”
Severus leaned back, dropping his hand from her cheek.
“Your home is at Hogwarts.”
A tear escaped Hermione’s eye, sliding slowly down her cheek. She knew he would never agree to run away with her, would never admit he felt the same way about her that she did about him. And she knew if his mind was settled on the idea of forgetting her that there was nothing she could say or do to convince him to remember her. She felt the soft ache in her temple as he entered her mind.
“I am sorry,” he said. “This was never my intention. When I found you in the library I thought I could find a simple solution to send you home right away. I never dreamed—”
“Me either,” Hermione said. She pulled her hand from his and got to her feet, looking down at him. “Let’s go back.”
She started off through the forest, not bothering to wait for him. Of course with his long strides it took him no time at all to catch up to her. He grabbed her hand again and held it tightly the entire way back to his rooms. When they emerged from behind the tapestry Hermione began to make her way to the bathroom to soak in a scalding shower. Severus said nothing as he watched her go.
Hermione locked the bathroom door, stripped, and entered the shower, burning her skin with the water, hoping she could wash away the terrible ache consuming her. She rested her head against the wall and breathed slowly. She felt a cool rush of air as Severus joined her in the shower. He came up behind her and wrapped her up in his arms, resting his head in the crook of her neck.
“Alright,” he whispered softly, his voice almost lost amidst the rush of the water. “I’ll remember.”
Hermione sighed in relief, leaning into his tall frame, giving in to the joy of being held by him. She thought the same three words over and over in her mind, knowing he could hear them even if she would never say them aloud.