Sirius :
Sirius sobbed. He sobbed like the world would collapse if he stopped. His lungs screamed at
him to stop, his chest strained from the screaming, the fighting, the rebellion. He felt like a rubber band that had been stretched too far.
The cold hard wooden floor provided little relief to his burning body.
Hot tears fell down his sunken porcelain skin. They gathered on the gray valley of his cheeks, before falling to the ground in a puddle of self hatred and pity.
He’d been hiding his feelings like the Greeks hidden in the Trojan horse for 16 years too long. The trojans had broken through, leaving nothing but splintered wood and a broken heart behind.
He felt delicate. A shell of a boy curled on the ground hiding from the world, and from himself. Surely he got enough love, so why does he cry?
Why does he feel like his star just imploded, like the light of Sirius had finally burnt out.
Something cold rested against his shoulder, he flinched. Curled his tired shaking hands tighter around his quivering body. Squeezed the last bit of energy he had into the movement as if he was squeezing the last bit of juice out of an orange.
‘Sirius,’ a weak voice whispered.
Sirius choked, fear wracking his body. Don’t hurt me please, please don’t hurt me. He thought, praying to the god that he didn’t believe existed with all of his might.
‘I’m not going to hurt you, Sirius.’ The voice whispered again. The voice of an angel.
Sirius curled in on himself further.
Two cold hands pulled him up, his body was limp. His nerve endings frazzled, his body and brain tired. His thin clothes rubbed against his scratchy skin, he itched to rip them off, if only he had the strength.
His saviour held him up, pulling them across the room. He could feel them shake against him, the jitter of their body contrasting to his numbness.
He couldn’t see, could barely hear, the noises and sights from earlier that night kept replaying in his head. Endless suffering.
‘Sirius,’ the person said, voice hushed and shaky. They touched his arm softly, an electrical spark flew through Sirius being, tears fell from his eyes again, a never ending river.
He felt a gentle touch fly over his cheek, swiping away some of the pool of tears gathered there.
‘Sirius,’ they whispered, their voice cracking, emotion running through the edges of it.
He felt himself being laid out, the sensation distant with broken down, snapped nerves.
‘Open your eyes, please.’ They pleaded, voice weaker with every word.
He was in so much pain, he felt as if he’d been poked with a tiny needle everywhere, over and over and over and over again. His entire body was wet, he couldn’t tell if it was from blood, or sweat.
‘Open your eyes,’ the voice whispered again.
Sirius was trying, anything for his savior. Do it for them, the thoughts whirled in his head. Don’t be selfish, for them. Do it. Do it.
His eyes fluttered open a crack, he squinted against the harsh light. His body denying the sorrowful, pain filled world. Tears still swam in his vision, blurring everything, taking the edge off reality. A fucked up version of drugs.
A fair face framed by a black halo hovered above him, blurred by the effects of his injuries and the endless tears refusing to leave his sore eyes.
He coughed, choking on something. He needed to speak for them.
‘Make it-‘ he sputtered, the words dying on his lips. The figure above him whimpered helplessly.
‘What, Sirius, what do I do?’ Their hands trailed all over his body, gentle like grass tickling your legs on a warm summer's day.
‘Make it stop.’ He finished, his voice cracking on every syllable.
Gentle fingers darted to his face, every touch sent a shock to his core. Even if the touch was barely there.
Tears were wiped from his drying eyes. He blinked once, twice.
Regulus. His savior was Regulus.
‘Reggie?’ Sirius murmured, the boy above him’s eyes filled with tears. His hands were shaking. His usually neat and combed curly head of hair messy and matted. His shoulders slumped over, guarding Sirius from the horrors of the world.
That should be his job, protecting Reggie, not the other way round.
‘Sirius. Sirius,’ Reggie gasped, his eyes wide with fear, frenzy obvious in them.
Tears fell from wide grey eyes, they fell onto Sirius' chest. Immediately drying up from the immense heat radiating from the boy.
‘You’re burning Sirius, i don’t know what to do.’ Reggie cried, the sound of his cries doing more damage to Sirius than his parents could ever do.
Sirius offered Regulus what he thought was a gentle smile but in reality looked like more of a grimace. He would do anything to reassure his little brother, the sensitive little boy he had cared for like a father since day dot.
Regulus' frown only deepened, his eyes glimmering with tears once more. ‘Sirius, what do I do?’ He spoke his name again.
The problem was, Sirius didn’t know what to do. He could barely speak, his vocal chords had shrivelled up inside his throat, he felt as if they'd drop off at any moment, like the leaves on an autumn tree. Rendering him permanently speechless, how his mother would like that.
Regulus had closed his eyes now, seeming to mutter to some god inaudible french words. Praying for them to save his brother, to give him guidance.
Oizys seemed to be the only god that was serving Sirius, providing him with banquets full of pain and suffering.
Sirius' mind wandered to that of his friends. He was glad they didn’t have to face this. Being cursed violentally over breathing out of turn. Being controlled everyday like a puppet. He felt like he should wrap them in bubble wrap the next time he saw them, to shield them from anything that could cause them to hurt like he was hurting.
However, a part of him wished they knew what this was like. Feeling your nerves slowly die out, watching your skin slowly lose colour and become concerningly sunken. Feel your thoughts become darker as the days go by.
"We need to get out of here," Regulus whispers, staring deep into Sirius's eyes. He’s still shaking above him, his hands grasping Sirius sleeves like lifelines.
Sirius shakes his head faintly, I can’t, I’m too weak. His throat was too raw to utter any sound.
‘Yes.’ Regulus says, his voice firm. His misty grey eyes became sharp like a cats. ‘We need to, please , Sirius,’ he said desperately. He gently pulls his shoulders off the floor, grasping Sirius under his arms, his small frame struggling to hold him.
Sirius' nerves spark up, a fire overtaking his senses instantly. The pain seared through every corner of his body. He imagined if you took a light to him right now, he’d cause a fire bigger than the sun.
Regulus had managed to drag him to the ornate deep brown fireplace. Something Sirius had dreamed of escaping from on many moonlit nights.
He recalled how many times he’d sat in the living room at a stuffy family event and planned out an elaborate plan on exactly how he’d escape from the clutches and responsibilities of the noble house of black.
Sirius shuddered at the thought of the time he’d tried to carry out one of those painstakingly precarious plans. How his mother had dragged him by his hair to his fathers study, petrified him to a chair and cast diffindo on him until he swore through burning tears and chattering teeth that he’d learned his lesson.
If he could he’d be jumping with joy at the prospect of really truly leaving tonight. Except he couldn’t, he couldn’t even walk.
Regulus winced under the dead weight of his older brother, his eyes still glimmered with tears at the sound of Sirius’ whimpers and cries of pain.
His back hit the ground, Regulus stood above him. Sirius studied his brother as he reached up to the dusty fireplace mantle. His robes swayed just above his ankles, bony porcelain skin peeked out from below. He needed new robes, his paternal brain screamed at him. His fingers grasped the floo powder. The boys ticket out.
Lightning flashed outside, Sirius flinched at the sight of it. The bright flash was much too similar to that of the end of his mothers wand.
Regulus knelt next to his brother, curling into him tightly. Sirius felt pathetic. Helpless.
Regulus' lips curled sadly, ‘We can leave now,’ he whispered.
Sirius nodded, ‘Yeah, we-’
The click clack of heels smacked against the tiled floor. Regulus' eyes widened above him. He fell into Sirius, short breaths falling from his lips. Sirius pulse raced to an all time high, tears building in his eyes. His body hurt.
‘Regulus Arcturus Black!’ Their mother screeched, her voice like nails clawing down a blackboard. She was closer. ‘Come out my darling,’ She called, her voice sickly sweet. A nightmare dressed like a daydream.
The clacks of her heels echoed in Sirius' brain, louder by the second. Regulus was splayed on top of him, his breathing irregular, hunched over his older brother.
The floo was right next to them, if only he could reach. His fingers winded in on themselves, prickling at every movement. The air was humid and sticky. it smelled like destruction.
The shrill of Walburga Blacks voice grew louder, the swish of her dress audible, the clack of her heels threatening.
Sirius scanned the room, on guard. Though he was half paralysed, what good could he do?
‘Regulus,’ he choked. His brother slowly inched his head to meet his eyes. They were bloodshot and wet, cheeks ruined with the tears of Sirius. He pulled his brother to him, his muscles straining. They clutched at each other, pulling at hair and clothes. The voice of their mother echoing in their collective minds.
‘There you are,’ a piercing voice boomed. The brothers head turned in unison.
There stood Walburga Black. She was the darkness in the night sky, here to snuff out her stars. Her nostrils flared, full red lips pulled into a scowl. Her eyes narrowed. She glared at the two boys. Murder in the depths of the murky blue.
Regulus shook in his arms like a leaf. Sirius's body tensed.
‘You’re trying to escape, hm?’ Walburga questioned. Voice sharp, eyes narrowed. She took a step forward.
I'm sorry, James. Sirius thought, he squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to see himself die.
‘Sectumsempra,’ Walburga muttered. Careless as with everything she does in regard to her sons.
Regulus screams echoed through the room. Sirius's eyes snapped open. He rolled over, his bloodstained hand reached out weakly to his brother.
Sirius's eyes flicked up to his mother. The picture of beauty. If only her insides could be exposed. How ugly would they be?
Her arm flicked rapidly, cursing his brother with every vile curse under the sun. He was only the spare, after all.
Sirius stare darted to his brother, a deep cut dragged down his pale cheeks. The blood seeped out of it, the crimson river gushing down and staining his lips. He looked like snow white, skin pale as snow and lips red as blood.
‘Mother,’ Sirius gasped, he spasmed on the cold floor. His bloody hand still reaching for his little brother crying for mercy mere feet away from him.
Walburga turned her cold glare to him, ‘ardenti dolore,’ She hissed. A burning sensation overtook his whole body. Red hot coals poured over him, stripping his body from any feeling of contentment. The rubber band was about to snap.
Regulus' gaze snapped to him. He reached his quivering arm up to curl around Sirius twitching hand. His other curled tightly in on itself. Likely out of pain.
His pupils flared, His lips quivered. ‘I love you.’ Sirius mouthed. Regulus only nodded his head stiffly.
Walburga took a step forward.
Sirius saw Regulus' hand pull away from the floor. He caught a glimpse of bright green powder falling in small clouds of dust from it. Regulus gave a small saddened smile.
No, Reggie. He pleaded, hoping the strain of his shimmering eyes put across the point. Sirius' lip trembled, his head pounding from resisting tears. The screams of the past 16 years played out in his head, memories of the trojan horse unlocked. Don’t push me away. The dam burst. Rivers of tears ran down his cheeks. The end is here.
Regulus shook his head, he pressed his lips together. His brother's wrist flicked in the direction of the fireplace, ‘Potter Manor,’ Regulus cried out.
Sirius felt his body being pushed away by the boy's foot, he was slowly rolled away. Inching closer and closer to the fireplace.
He heard his mothers rapid footsteps clink across the inky glowing floor, a reflection of everything wrong with this house. Her rushed shout of ‘Crucio!’ a nightmare to his ears.
Sirius panicked, he thrashed wildly on the floor. Not caring about the pain coursing through his body, as natural as his blood pumping oxygen to his heart. Regulus screams were bone shattering. Sirius rolled on the floor, limbs twitching and spasming in reach of his brother.
‘Regulus!’ he shouted, throat raw and scratchy as he fell deep into the dark rabbit hole of the fireplace.
He rolled the wrong way.
James :
Earth shattering screams were the first thing he heard. James shot up in bed, sweat had pooled on his forehead from the heavy blankets needed in the depth of december. His body was a furnace.
Screams were all he could hear. Screams that could split the universe in two. Screams that could shatter glass in seconds.
He heard thuds down the stairs. His parents. What was wrong? Who was screaming?
James almost fell out of bed, his feet hitting the ground with a thud. The freezing hardwood floor is a welcome invitation to the heat of James’ body. He scrambled to the door, scrabbling to grasp the door handle and turn it downwards.
James raced downstairs. He couldn’t tell if the screams were still real screams, or if they were the echoes of them haunting his thoughts.
He heard it before he saw it.
‘Regulus, Regulus, Regulus.’ A voice cried. James' heart cracked further with every word.
He turned the corner, coming face to face with a supernova.
Sirius was laying on the floor, spasming as he cried out his brother's name. Over and over again. The boy's gaze was fixed on the ceiling, eyes unmoving. He lay utterly still apart from the twitches that seemed to shake his whole body.
James stalked forward, deep sighs falling from his lips with every breath. Not caring for his parents' protests to give Sirius space. Fuck that.
Sirius screamed, he screamed so much James thought his eardrums would burst. Sirius was bursting at the seams. His skin was blotchy with deep gashes, dried blood covering almost every surface of porcelain skin.
James fell to his knees next to his best friend. Sirius' chest rose and fell jerkily.
‘Call st. mungos.’ James heard his mother mutter to his father, ‘ask for Hope.’ she added.
‘Sirius,’ James whispered, his vocal chords unsteady. The boy's gaze remained unmoving. His cries still matched the same fervour they did 10 minutes ago at his arrival.
James pulled his head into his lap. Apologising avidly once he realised that caused Sirius pain too. What did they do to him? To this boy who must've been sculpted by Athena herself.
His brother.
Sirius clutched his hand to his chest, it was balled into a tight fist. James tentatively reached for it. Slowly unfurling it so he wouldn't cause him any more suffering. He whimpered Regulus' name, sounding like a wounded animal. ‘I’m sorry,’ James whispered, brushing his hand over Sirius sweat and blood stained hair. He smelt like death.
James curled Sirius fist fully open, his eyes glittered with tears when he did. His shoulder slumped. In his hand was a note.
I love you too, so much, you’ll never know. - Reggie
The note read. James airways blocked up, he choked on his breath.
Oh.
Sirius's head turned to face him at the noise, panic present in his full glittering eyes. The tears that shone in them shining like stars in a clear night sky. ‘James?’ He sobbed, his hands reaching for him; they were shaky and stained.
James nodded, a pitiful smile working its way onto his lips. ‘Yes,’ he murmured. Sirius's head turned, his lip quivered, James swept his hand over his ratty hair.
‘Regulus,’ he whispered, the name falling from his lips in a single breath, weak and delicate.
James followed Sirius to gaze out of the window. The sky was clear, the stars on full display.
Regulus was nowhere to be found.