“How can you possibly be this stupid?” Remus asked, running his hand through his hair, pacing back and forth in front of the bed Sirius was sitting on. “Like seriously-” he saw Sirius open his mouth to say something. “No, Sirius. Don't.” He said, looking at him, knowing what he was about to say, and he definitely wasn't up for that right now.
Sirius rolled his eyes, leaning his head against the headboard. “I mean Sirius, I don't understand how you can even begin to think that that was a good idea. So please just explain what the hell is going on in your mind because I honestly don't understand.” He said, just getting more frustrated as Sirius didn't answer, but just stared up at him. “Answer me, Sirius.”
Sirius hugged his knees tighter to his chest, tearing his eyes off Remus' and looking at the wall behind him. He hadn't seen Remus this angry in a while, if ever. He knew the prank going wrong was partly this fault, but he didn't understand why Remus was so mad about it, it's not like this was the first time something went wrong.
“What do you want me to say?” He whispered, feeling the tears starting to burn in the corners of his eyes. This situation reminded him of something, but he couldn't quite make out what it was, he only knew it was something bad, and that it definitely happened before, maybe not here, though.
“I want you to answer me, just fucking explain what happened because you just earned us weeks worth of detention.” He could distantly hear Remus continue, but his talking just kind of tuned out without his permission. When he heard Remus raise his voice just slightly, he involuntarily flinched, scared of something happening. He just stared at the wall behind Remus, not taking his eyes off of that one slightly darker spot he had found.
He could still feel the tears pooling in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. He wasn't supposed to cry, it wasn't right, so he wouldn't. He just stared at the wall, hugging his knees more tighter to his chest, waiting for Remus to stop. Just waiting, like always.
“Sirius!” His head snapped up, looking straight at Remus, he didn't yell often. He usually just raised his voice, he didn't like that either, but it was better than being yelled at. Now he knew what this reminded him of, Walburga. “You-”
“You promised.” He whispered, barely audible, interrupting him. Sirius couldn't quite tell what the expression on his face was. He still looked angry, and annoyed, but not quite. He wanted to look away, he wanted to go away just somewhere quiet and alone, but he knew better than to do that right now, something would happen. Something always happens.
Remus leaned against the foot of the bed, and Sirius flinched. There was still a good amount of distance between them, but he knew from experience that it could change quickly. He could feel his breathing pick up just slightly as he stared at Remus, sure that something was going to happen, something bad. Something he had been promised would never happen. “Remus, you promised.” He whispered again, trying to blink away tears.
“What are you talking about?" Remus did sound less annoyed now, but he couldn't be sure. There was still something off. Sirius just stared at him in disbelief. Remus had promised, he had promised a long time ago, that he would never.
He closed his eyes, shaking his head, the tears he had so hard been trying to hold back falling. He didn't see the way Remus' face fell when he started crying, loud sobs leaving his mouth. It was Remus' turn to stare at the boy, guilt starting to bloom in his chest, how didn't he realize.
“Go away, go away please, I'll be good, just go away.” Sirius was shaking all over, his eyes tightly shut and tears just flowing down with no way to stop them. Remus didn't know what to do, he bit his lip, hating that this happened because of him. That Sirius was genuinely scared of him, he didn't mean for this to happen, he didn't even mean to lose his temper over such a silly thing.
Remus slowly rounded the bed, sitting down onto the edge, he hesitated before gently placing his hand on Sirius' knee, trying to ground him and make him realize nothing was going to happen. Wrong move. Sirius just let out a loud cry like the touch had burned him, and Remus quickly dropped his hand, his eyes widening. “Sirius I'm-”
“D-don't.” He cried, shaking his head. “don't please, I'll be good, just don't- don't hurt me.”
“I won't touch you, Sirius, no one will, okay?” Sirius shook his head, and Remus bit the inside of his cheek, he had no idea what he should do. He wasn't even sure if Sirius was listening to him, if he could hear what he was being told, and Remus just hated that, but for a different reason than before. “I'm so sorry love, so sorry, shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm really sorry for making you scared.” He rambled, not sure what he actually should say, he felt tears of his own burn in his eyes as he looked at Sirius, trying to think what he should do.
Sirius was mumbling incoherent words amongst his sobs and coughs. Words Remus couldn't really make out, but he didn't need to. Sirius was pulling on his hair, his eyes still screwed shut, his whole body shaking. It made Remus worry about him, he had seen it before, but it made him feel so guilty to know he was the reason.
“I know you're scared, I know, okay? But can you open your eyes? Just to look around, don't have to look at me, just look around to see that you're not there.” Remus said. “You're not at home, Sirius. You're in Hogwarts in our dorm, and it's just you and me here.” He said calmly, scooting further away from him, wanting to give him more space.
Sirius opened his eyes, darting around the room, then focusing them on Remus. Realizing where he was seemed to calm him down just a bit, “Can you take a few Deep breaths?” He asked, trying to calm him down. In reality, he knew he shouldn't be doing this because it was him who he was being scared of, so he wasn't probably helping that much. He should go get someone else, like James. But he didn't know where James was, and he couldn't leave Sirius alone like this because that wouldn't do any good either.
“R-Remus?” He whispered after a while, seeming to be more aware of his surroundings and a little more calm. His breathing was still heavy, and the tears hadn't stopped.
“Yeah it's me.” He whispered, looking at Sirius. “Do you want me to go away? I can go get James or if you want to be alone.”
“No.” He said quietly, looking at Remus, shaking his head. Remus was surprised, but didn't question it. “D-don't go please.”
“Okay.” Sirius wiped his eyes onto his sleeves, taking more deep breaths. “I'm sorry I broke my promise, love. And I really do mean it.”
“I-i know.” He whispered, though he looked like he didn't believe what he was told, but that wasn't a surprise. Remus nodded, turning to sit cross-legged on the other end of the bed, still not sure what he should do.
“It's the full moon in a few days, and I was just on edge and then the prank went wrong, but that's not an excuse for me to yell at you and make you scared.” He said, trying to explain himself, stopping to wipe his eyes. “But I promise I didn't do it on purpose, I wasn't thinking, and I'm really sorry about that. I would never ever hurt you. Never. And I need you to know that, and really believe me, but I understand if you can't because -”
“It's okay, Remus.” He whispered, interrupting Remus' nervous rambling, making him look up. “I believe you, and I know you're sorry, and that you didn't mean it.”
“You should be mad at me for making you feel so bad.” Remus said, but Sirius shook his head, making him even more confused. He just didn't understand, Sirius had every right to be mad, and he definitely should be.
“Bad things happen, it's okay.”
“It shouldn't be.” Remus whispered, wiping his eyes again before looking at Sirius. A silence fell over them, it wasn't an uncomfortable one, it was just silent with neither one of them knowing what they should say, or do, if anything.
“Moony?” Sirius whispered after a while, and Remus looked up, smiling slightly. “Can you come here?” He asked, patting the place next to him on the bed.
Remus hesitated, maybe he shouldn't. “Are you sure?”
“I'm sure, promise.” Sirius smiled, and Remus got up, going to sit down next to Sirius, who rested his head on Remus' shoulder, taking his hand into his, letting their intertwined hands fall between them. “James talks a lot, even more when he gets stressed.” He whispered after a while. “And he speaks superfast.”
“He does.” Remus said, not entirely sure what Sirius was talking about, before understanding. He had suggested getting James earlier, and now he was explaining why he didn't want that. “Don't have to explain to me, love.”
“I want to.” Remus nodded, seeing Sirius glance at him before continuing. “He doesn't stay calm, but I understand why. He does help though, I'm not saying that, he's just, well, James.”
Remus smiled slightly, rubbing his thumb over Sirius'. “Peter gets awkward in a situation like that, I guess he just doesn't know how to react, I wouldn't either, so I don't blame him.” Sirius said then, and Remus nodded, the silence falling over them again.
They just stayed there for a long while, shifting a few times, eventually ending up laying down under the covers, with Sirius resting his head on Remus' chest, and one leg over Remus'.
James and Peter came to their dorm after some time, but either of them didn't really notice, or just didn't acknowledge it. Sirius was the one to break the silence and speak when he heard James starting to snore and was sure Peter had fallen asleep too.
“Do you really think I'm stupid?”
“I don't.” He whispered into Sirius' hair, kissing his head, and Sirius nodded.
“I don't think you're stupid, either.” He whispered back, lifting his head to look at Remus, who smiled. “Even If you act a bit stupid sometimes.”
“That's good, baby.” Remus said, and he nodded, leaning up to give him a kiss, before laying his head back down, tucking it under Remus' chin. “I'm still sorry.” He whispered, after a while.
“I know.” He whispered. “I forgive you, moons.” Remus just nodded. “We can talk tomorrow.” He said through a yawn, pressing himself impossibly closer to Remus, who nodded again.
“Goodnight, love, sleep well.” Remus whispered, kissing his head, and pulling the covers better over them.
“Goodnight, rem.” He mumbled, already drifting off to sleep. “I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.” He smiled. He waited for Sirius to fall asleep, before letting himself drift off, like always. Well, he tried to drift off to sleep, but falling asleep was hard, the events kept replaying in his head; he couldn't help but feel guilty and bad for making Sirius scared, scared of him. He had promised he wouldn't do that, ever. But it still happened. He shouldn't have yelled at him, shouldn't have started even in the first place.
He shouldn't have gotten mad over a stupid reason like a prank going wrong. It wasn't even that big of a deal, now that he thought of it. It wasn't the first time they had gotten weeks worth of detention, and probably wouldn't be the last. So even Remus didn't understand why he acted that way. Maybe it was the upcoming full moon playing its tricks on his temper, but that still wasn't a reason to yell at him or make him feel like that.
He just hated himself for that. Sirius had forgiven him for the whole thing, yes. And that was important and meant a lot to him, but he didn't know how he'd forgive himself. He had broken a promise he had made to Sirius years ago, he had promised nothing would hurt him when he was with him, that he would never hurt him. And even though he hadn't done that, just making Sirius think he would, just broke his heart.
“Remus.” Sirius whispered, pulling Remus out of his thoughts. “Calm down, stop worrying.” He said, rubbing his side for a moment.
“Sorry didn't mean to wake you.” He said, but Sirius shook his head.
“You didn't, it's alright. I'm not gonna just sleep while you're sad or whatever you're feeling.” He whispered, turning in Remus' arms, so he was looking at him, his chin resting on Remus' chest. Sirius brushed some hair out of his eyes, before talking again. “Everything's okay, right? We're okay, Rem. You got nothing to worry about, I promise.”
“We're okay.” He repeated, and Remus nodded. “Nothing happened, really. I just got scared, but that's nothing new, is it?” Remus shook his head, a little hesitantly. “What I'm trying to say is, it's not the first time this happened and won't be the last.”
“But you were scared of me, like genuinely, and I hate that Sirius, I shouldn't have let that happen, I-i promised it to you.” He said, blinking away tears, before continuing. “I know what triggers you, what makes you scared and panic, so it shouldn't have happened.”
“But it did, Remus.” He whispered. “And that's okay. I was scared, but I'm not anymore. I know you'd never actually hurt me, I know, moony.” He said, trying to explain to Remus that it really was okay. “People make mistakes, even you, and that's okay. Just don't beat yourself up for it, please?”
Remus just nodded, not really knowing what to say. And Sirius just smiled at him, lifting himself up just enough to give him a kiss. “Wanna try to go to sleep?” He asked, and Remus nodded slightly. “Okay, goodnight, moons.” He whispered softly, laying his head back to Remus' chest, listening to his breathing. “I love you.”
“Goodnight, I love you too.” Remus whispered back, kissing his head. Sirius started to talk, about nothing important, he was just talking about their latest quidditch practice. He knew it helped Remus fall asleep when he couldn't for whatever reason. So, this time, Sirius stayed awake, waiting for Remus to fall asleep, before letting himself fall asleep too.