Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius yelled, laughing at Bellatrix.
A jet of red light hit him squarely on the chest.
He was still laughing as he felt himself fall backwards. Sirius tumbled into darkness chanting Harry’s name.
His last thoughts were of helping Harry and worry.
Suddenly Sirius felt his mind and his body ripped from him violently. He felt like he was drowning in shadows, being crushed by the weight of something dark and foreboding around him.
Just as the pain reached its peak and he was sure he was going to pass out and die he felt a whisper in his head. Too fast to catch it properly, something about waking up and doing it right.
Sirius tried to catch the words in his mind but he felt himself slam into the ground violently. When he came to he tasted blood and dirt in his mouth as he slowly peeled himself off the pavement. He could feel all the bones in his body creak as he attempted to straighten out. He looked around and he noticed the ground was actually cobblestone, where was he? He closed his eyes and took another deep breath, savoring the feel of air in his lungs again. He looked around and took a few tentative steps he was having a hard time orienting himself, was he dead? Was this the afterlife? As he took another deep breath and thought about the air in his lungs and the sound of his heart beating loudly in his ears that he couldn't be dead. His early Auror training kicked in and he decided to channel his inner Amelia Bones and take deep breaths as he regrouped and tried to regulate his heart beat. He pulled his wand from his sleeve and took a few more steps forward following his instincts.
Within minutes he came upon a small two story home with hedges around it, it looked vaguely familiar. As he slowly walked towards the house he tried to grasp at the memory he had of his house, it felt far away...just on the edge of his mind. He saw a tall man with dark hair and glasses come out of the home.
The man froze, a look of excitement mixed with shock passed over his features.
“Are you Sirius?!”
“James!”
“Holy shit You’re real?! That’s really your name?”
Sirius stopped in his tracks.
“Of course it is, what do you mean James?”
Sirius raised his hands up in front of him wondering if James was being affected by some spell and he noticed he was wearing two rings on his right hand.
He recognized the Black Heir ring, he'd never worn it before. What the fuck was going on? He saw James take a tentative step forward. Sirius looked at his hand again, it took him a second to recognize the Lenoir Lord ring. Why was he wearing the Lord ring to their sister family?
Sirius looked up as James licked his lips and continued “I mean I’ve been dreaming about you for as long as I can remember, since I first started at Hogwarts" He shook his head and laughed "I can’t believe you’re actually real and your name really is Sirius. This entire time I thought you were someone I had made up, a figment of my imagination. A man I’d only know in my dreams.”
It was Sirius’ turn to feel shocked. James only knew him in his dreams? As Sirius looked around wondering how hard he hit his head he saw he was wearing robes he didn’t recognize. Also as familiar as he felt in Godric’s Hollow it almost felt like he had only seen this place in pictures, like he had never really been here. He was having a strange sense of deja vu.
“James, what day is it?”
James frowned as he stared at Sirius. Sirius frowned back, even his voice sounded different.
“It’s Halloween, that’s why you’re here right? In my dream last night you said you’d stop by after work. I just can't believe you’re here. You always say you’ll see me soon in our dreams, and one of us always promises to find the other and it kind of never works out that way does it? Except last night you told me not to worry, you told me today would be the day that you’d be here as soon as you finished your last meeting at the French Ministry. You told me to meet you outside at 5pm sharp. I didn’t think you’d be here, but when I peeked out the window. There you were…beautiful as ever.”
Sirius wanted to talk about James finding him beautiful but shook his head trying to stay focused, “French Ministry?!” Sirius took in a sharp breath, trying to meditate and find his center, trying to figure out what needed to be said “JAmes you said it was Halloween?" Sirius tried to quell the panic that was welling up inside of him, he thought of how naive and unprepared they had been that Halloween night they had lost everything "oh sweet Merlin...we need to come up with a better plan James. Dumbledore needs to know who your secret keeper is, it’ll better protect Harry. Trust me, I know what happens.”
James froze, “We? How do you know about Harry?” James took a step back “I…what? What plan???”
Suddenly the door opened again and there stood Lily “James, who are you talking to?”
She narrowed her eyes at Sirius and pulled her wand, “how can you see through the fidelus?! Come away from us”
She turned towards James “James, he shouldn’t be able to find us, he must be a Death Eater”
“I don’t think he is Lily, he just came to tell me that we need a better plan with Dumbledore”
“Come inside James,” Lily hissed and glared at Sirius pointing her wand at him, he noticed her hand was absolutely steady “we obviously have a lot to talk about" she looked Sirius in the eye "you need to leave before I kill you where you stand." Sirius believed her. He nodded slightly and put both his hands up in a kind of surrender of sorts.
James continued to stare at Sirius even as he walked backwards towards the door, Lily was physically pulling him inside and away from Sirius. Sirius was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around all of this. Lily didn’t seem to recognize him at all, James only knew him through dreams. Suddenly he had a terrible thought, he had been sent back here to try to fix something but had he really been able to change or fix anything? Had anything he said made sense or made a difference? He shivered imaging Harry having to go through all that pain once again. He wondered if he'd failed so hard that he'd sentenced Remus to time in Azkaban, he remembered what that had been like, he couldn't help but to feel like a failure.
Sirius began walking back towards where he came with his mind racing. He wanted to go back and explain more, but he knew that would only make things worse.
Had he really died or somehow time traveled?! James had said something about dreaming. Had his entire other life been a dream? Was this the dream, maybe he was still dead? Had his other life been real and the veil brought him to some other dimension to try and fix things? He needed to go somewhere and think, perhaps write down what he could remember and what questions remained.
What he knew so far was he both knew and didn't know Godric's Hollow. He had an Heir Ring and was a Lord of an Ancient and Noble house. He may or may not work for the French Ministry, hell he was wearing robes, cut in more of a muggle style more popular in France than it was in Britain. Lily hadn't recognized him at all. He also knew that he had more questions than answers.
He wondered where he should go. He thought of his grandfather and all his occlumency lessons when he was a child and tried to clear his mind. He thought of what it took to apparate and concentrated as hard as he could on 'home' and willed his magic to follow. He found himself at the family flat in the 8th Arrondissement area of Paris.
“Sirius tu vas bien”
Sirius turned around, ‘was he okay?!' no idea? ' Nope not okay, definitely losing my mind’ there stood his brother. Sirius suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. He took a moment.
He finally willed himself to open his mouth “Regulus” he managed to breathe out.
“qu'est-ce qui ne va pas avec toi mon frère”
Sirius shook his head, holy shit, he and Regulus rarely spoke in French to each other... he had no idea what was happening
“qu'est-ce qui ne va pas avec toi mon frère” was death the dream? Or had his other life been the dream?
“Come brother, let’s have a drink before dinner, you can tell me all about your death” Regulus smirked at him.
Regulus’ boyfriend Adrien joined them.
Sirius stared at him and wondered how he knew the boy’s name. He knew he both knew the man and also had no idea who the man was. His thoughts were an absolute jumble.
At dinner he wielded their questions and tried to organize his thoughts. When they retired to the parlour with drinks, he told them everything he could remember.
His other life. Hogwarts. Losing Regulus. The order of the Phoenix. Azkaban. The second war with Voldemort's return. Harry.
His brother stood quickly and began pacing as Adrien conjured a quill and some parchment and took notes. So far the only parallels were their mother was a bitch in this world too, Regulus was still only 13 months younger than him, Sirius was still very gay, and there was indeed a war happening in England. A war that actually had nothing to do with them because they were born and raised in France and had gone to Beaubaxtons.
But the more he spoke with Regulus and Adrien the more he could remember about this life too. His mother had been a bitch yes, but their father had been much more involved. Sirius was still a hothead that could be impulsive but it seemed slightly toned down, he seemed to be able to think things through better. Perhaps getting love from a parent really does make a world of difference. He was Lord Lenoir and also the Black Heir because the Black family in England had no suitable heirs after the current Lord Arcturus Black. The family magics had chosen him, even over Regulus, to take over both branches of the family and absorb the Black line into the Lenoir line. He apparently was very powerful politically and he loved it. He was currently working on a creature reformation act with the French ministry, he had bought a quidditch team in France, and was considering finishing a Defense Mastery.
Sirius remembered that dream Sirius (pre-death Sirius??) loved reading and anytime he was actually able to sit still he loved to read anything interesting he could get his hands on. Usually in transfiguration and defense or if he was really motivated for pranks: charms and potions. Both Sirius’ seemed almost the same but also quite different. So who was he really?
Adrien ran diagnostics on him and other than some bumps and bruises from his fall in Godric’s Hollow, he was fine.
The next morning Sirius floo’d to the French ministry to meet with the head of the Department of Magical Beings to get to work on his creature reform bill. He had wanted to protest when their house elf had informed him that he would be late if he didn't wake soon, but thought better of it. He wasn’t sure what to do with his day otherwise now that he wasn’t in auror training and wasn’t part of the war in London.
“Bonjour Seigneur Lenoir”
“Bonjour” he nodded, he found his pureblood mask came easily to him and was much softer than he remembered in his dreams. He walked through the halls organizing his thoughts for his upcoming meeting. Thoughts of the war would have to wait, dream or not Moony was still his friend and he was going to do right by him.
As he walked through the halls after his meeting he found that his dream life felt farther and farther away. It had felt like years had passed in that world, but this world felt just as real. His body and his mind knew this life just as well as he knew the other one. One thing he was having a hard time wrapping his mind around was he had learned and remembered spells that didn’t publicly exist yet. He remembered ‘Levicorpus’ which he was pretty sure had been invented by his nemesis in that life, Severus Snape. He remembered creating the Marauder’s Map with his friends and reworking the Homonculous Charm and combining a few Secrecy spells. He even remembered the way Albus Dumbledore had taught the ‘Order of the Phoenix’ a charm to send messages with their patronus. Something that had been Albus' own creation.
He decided to test that one out. He concentrated on his happy memory, he had been one of the only 5th years that had been able to conjure it for their OWLs, he had actually been the first in his year to be able to. Although most of his class had been able to conjure it by their 7th year NEWTs. Padfoot bound up and he asked him to go to Regulus to meet him at home for lunch.
“Sirius, comment as-tu pu gérer ça” was the first thing Regulus said to him as he met him in their front parlor.
“Regulus I don’t know how to explain this properly, but the dream feels more like a dream…like we agreed” he shifted in his seat as he wondered how to continue “but it feels so real I mean that charm that you’re asking about…it was a charm added to the patronus created by Albus Dumbledore currently only known by those fighting with him in the Order of the Phoenix.”
Regulus stared at him. He could see the shock across his face.
“Je ne suis pas sûr de ce que tout cela signifie”
Over lunch he and Regulus went over everything he remembered in the dream, anything he felt significant and why he thought it may be. It felt much more hazy as the day continued. He remembered fewer and fewer details but the major points remained burned into his mind.
“Sirius it seems to me that you fixed the main thing that needed to be fixed. Or at least partially fixed it to the best of your abilities at the time.”
Sirius looked up and waited for Regulus to go on.
“It seems as though the dream version of you hadn't come up with a very good plan with the Potters. You had figured to make Peter the secret keeper but had no plan on what to do if he did betray your friends. The Potters hadn't done all they could either after they had a child in the first place, their financial adviser should have made sure they had a will. If they weren't going to make or update a will they should have had a central person within the Order, perhaps even Dumbledore himself, aware of any changes to the original plan. You had assumed that there was no way anyone would betray their friends, when in actuality there was a war going on. Anything was possible, therefore you and the Potters should have planned as best as you could for the inevitable. They hadn’t even made solid plans for who would keep Harry in case they died fighting. Had they actually made you his guardian in case they died in the war there was no way you could've been sent to Azkaban without a trial because Harry survived and needed somewhere to go.”
“Wait, how do you figure?”
“Well had they had any sort of will, which they should've had they been fighting with this supposed order of the Phoenix while having a child at home, they would’ve named proper LEGAL guardians for him. They should’ve had proper inheritances in place bc it didn’t seem like he had any idea of what was going on, or even a proper home to live in when you came across him again after you broke out of prison. He was living with his living muggle relatives, they didn't seem to want him.” Regulus shrugged
"had placing Harry with them actually been part of the plan they might have had a chance to better prepare for caring for a magical child"
Sirius nodded, his brother was onto something. They hadn’t completely believed the worst would happen so despite their desire to remain careful they hadn’t done so properly. They hadn’t put the right protections in place and Harry had paid the biggest price for it. Actually, Sirius had paid a heavy price as well, but that child had lost his entire childhood.
Regulus interrupted his thoughts, “you woke up in London, which perhaps you apparated to in your dream?” Regulus paused and took a sip of water “but you managed to worry them by showing up, and you told them that one other person needs to know their secret keeper. Hopefully Harry will have what he needs if the worst were to happen again.”
Regulus shrugged.
Suddenly Adrien stumbled through their floo. “The Dark Lord has been vanquished, by one Harry Potter” Adrien looked straight at Sirius eyes wide shock written clearly on his face as he held up the British newspaper.
Sirius found he couldn’t answer.
*1.5 years later*
Sirius heard a knock on his office door and looked up, James waved at him from the door.
“James?”
“Hi”
“Hullo”
Sirius stood up slowly as James walked in. The look on James’ face was one he had been seeing in his dreams for the past 2 years. It was a look of wonder and surprise, a look full of emotion and hope.
“I don’t even know where to start, but perhaps I’ll first start with ‘Thank you’. You saved our lives that night. I don’t know how you found us, but we’re all alive thanks to you. We immediately let Dumbledore know what happened and he had an inkling that perhaps Peter would betray us. When Voldemort showed up we were prepared. I don't know what would've happened otherwise," He shook his head and his eyes seemed to take on a sheen of unshed tears "…you’re like my knight in shining armor.”
Sirius smiled as he looked down. James was too beautiful when he was like this, Sirius found he couldn't look at him too long, it was like looking directly at the sun.
“I was happy to help, James”
There was an awkward pause. Sirius could tell James wanted to say something. To be honest Sirius wanted to say something, he had wanted to say so many things. His mind was moving a million miles a minute. Somewhere over the course of these few years Sirius felt like he had fallen in love with James.
He had been half in love with James in the dream world although he hadn’t recognized what that was. In this world it was turning into much of the same.
“I still dream of you Sirius.”
Sirius looked him in the eye, he could see the moment James grabbed his Gryffindor pride and continued
“I’ve dreamt of you almost every night since I was 11. After that infamous Halloween day when you found us the dreams have stepped up. I go on with my life, taking care of my kid every other weekend, going to work every morning putting thoughts of you out of my mind so I can just get through what I need to finish…but every night I close my eyes and there you are. There was no way I could stay away any longer.”
James paused and laughed “that sounded so much more romantic in my head than it did out loud. Feels really strange to say out loud, I hope I’m not coming off like a creep.”
Sirius laughed, he couldn’t believe what was happening.
“Wait, am I being creepy?”
Sirius shook his head no and smiled at James “what are your plans for today?”
“I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, I just knew I couldn’t wait any longer, I had to come to you.”
James ran his hands through his hair, if it wasn’t a mess before it was now
“I had wanted to come to you the next day, but we had to get a lot of things back in order. Figure out how to live life again. Lily and I had to figure out a plan so that we could do what’s best for Harry.” James smiled “But I handled all I could and I’m here now…I uh I have the next few weeks off. I got promoted at work and I pushed back my start date by a month.” James licked his lips and shifted on his feet “I ,needed to see you, to talk to you, to try to make sense of what happened of what IS happening in my mind”
Sirius nodded
James kept going “I need to know how you found us, I wanted you to know that you successfully saved us. I have so many questions and I know you have at least some of the answers. I need to know if you have any questions and if I could answer them for you.”
Sirius raised his eyebrows “So many questions, and I definitely have answers…although I think they may lead to more questions”
“Probably. But I might have some answers for you too." James took a step closer and he spoke in a low voice, "there's just one thing I need to know Sirius" he suddenly looked very vulnerable "do you dream about me too?”
Sirius’ breath caught. James looked at him wide-eyed.
“Every night” Sirius whispered out, his voice was suddenly nowhere to be found.
James breathed out hard a sigh of relief and took another step closer, Sirius saw his shoulders relax.
James' smile was wide and unrepentant, it could light up the world.
Sirius' heart felt like it could dance with it.
“Let’s start with lunch”
James held out his hand, Sirius laced their fingers together.
James shut down their floo for the night and walked up the stairs.
He looked at Sirius sitting on their bed, leaning against the headboard reading while shirtless and gorgeous as always. The literal man of his dreams being in his bed still took James’ breath away.
James had lucked into a life where he had been able to marry the man he loved, the man who had saved his and his son's life. There was nothing in this world more beautiful than the life Sirius had gifted to him. He had loved Sirius before he had even met him and now he gets to spend the rest of his life with him. James shook his head, in what world do dreams really come true?
He climbed into bed and laced his fingers into his husband’s as he put his head down on Sirius' shoulder. James raised their hands and kissed the inside of Sirius’ wrist feeling for his pulse.
“I’m here baby, I’m real” Sirius said as he put his book aside and pulled James towards him.
“Sometimes I still can’t believe it…you're everything to me Siri”
Sirius smiled and it lit up James’ world. He pressed a kiss into Sirius’ cheek and began kissing down his face and traced his jaw with his tongue as he hitched his leg over Sirius’ body.
As he climbed on top of the man he loved more than life itself he sent a thanks to whichever deities may be listening to him at this moment, he had no idea what he did to deserve a life he had only thought possible in his dreams, but he’d remain thankful for it for the rest of his life.