Part Eight
News of you and James’ breakup spread like wildfire. By the following morning it seemed as if everyone knew. And by the third day, they were done pretending they didn’t.
If you thought you had eyes on you before, it’s nothing compared to the attention you’re getting now. Everybody seemed to have questions. Who broke up with who? Is Lily going to make a move now that James is single? More importantly, who are you going to be dating next? It’s no lie that everyone was shocked when you and James became an item. That was a pairing nobody saw coming. And if James Potter of all people had a chance, doesn’t every other boy in school?
It’s frightening how quickly everything went back to normal. You went from spending every moment of free time with James, to walking right past him without so much as a glance in his direction. It was like it always had been; with you not noticing James and him stealing glances at you whenever he could. Only it was worse for James. It was worse because he went from daydreaming about being with you, to actually being with you, to losing you.
The marauders are hanging about the courtyard planning their next prank when they hear a name that gets all of their attention.
“Y/N!”
James automatically turns his head, but the tree he’s leaning against blocks you completely from his view.
“Hey…” you greet cautiously, coming to a stop in front of the dark haired Hufflepuff. “Garrett, right?”
“Actually it’s-yeah! Garrett!” he confirms, pointing to himself, surprised that you knew his name.
“What’s up?” you ask with a laugh.
“Oh! I just wanted to say that I was sorry to hear about you and James…”
“Oh…It’s okay.” you shrug. “These things happen.”
“I must say, I was shocked when I heard the news.” Garrett continues. “You two seemed…still seem in love.”
James holds his breath, wondering what you’ll say.
“Eighteen is an inconvenient time to be in love.” you sigh with a tense smile. “Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Oh absolutely.” Garrett nods. “Love is overrated. Which is why I was thinking, why not go out with me?”
“Sorry?” you ask, looking at Garrett with a confused frown.
“Yeah! You and me, we’d be the hottest couple Hogwarts has ever seen!”
“Um, well I just got out of a relationship.” You remind him. “I’m not really looking-“
“For love. Yeah, I know. And I’m not offering it.” Garrett tells you with a smirk.
Anger courses through James as he listens to the conversation. He gets up, prepared to go over there when Sirius puts a hand on his chest, keeping him in place.
“It’s not your fight anymore, mate.” Sirius tells him with a grimace.
James glares at him before sighing, nodding his head in defeat as he leans against the tree again. As much as he hates to admit it, Sirius is right. It isn’t James’ place anymore to get involved.
“I’m not looking for anything right now.” you reiterate with a shake of your head.
“Come on! You’re that quick to shoot me down? At least give me a chance.” Garrett whines with a fake pout.
Remus, feeling bad for both you and James, decides to get involved, putting everyone out of their misery. He doesn’t miss the grateful look from James as he pushes himself off of the tree, turning the corner and coming to a stop right beside you.
“You don’t have a chance.” Remus tells him with a polite grin. “And clearly no shame either.”
“I beg your pardon?” Garrett asks, looking between you and Remus in confusion.
“Do you really need me to insult you again?” Remus asks, tilting his head to the side. “Was the first time not enough? Or were you just to stupid to realize it?”
“What a fucking prat,” Garrett mumbles to himself as he walks away.
You sigh in relief before giving Remus a grateful smile.
“Thanks for saving me.”
“Don’t forget you’re single now. The guys are gonna be all over you.”
“Yeah,” you nod, “It was nice while it lasted.”
“What? Being left alone or being in a relationship with James?”
“See you around, Rem.” You say, giving him a sad smile before walking away.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
You’re not the only one getting more attention than usual. It seems as if every boy in the bloody school has something to say to James. The amount of times he’s heard “I can’t believe you let her get away” and “Thanks for blowing it” is unreal. Someone even shamelessly asked James what he did wrong, so that they don’t “make the same mistake”.
And then there’s Lily, who’s made it her life’s purpose to be everywhere James is, much to the marauder’s annoyance. He was hoping to get some time to himself today at Hogsmeade; he was looking forward to it! But of course, things could never be that simple. James had just finished ranting to Sirius and Remus about how Lily had crashed his solo Hogsmeade trip when Peter burst into the room.
“What are you doing?” Remus asks when he sees Peter digging through his chocolate stash.
“I’m taking your fudge flies. I’ll pay you back.” Peter says, holding up the carton package in victory.
“No.” Remus says, snatching the box back. “If you wanted more sweets, you should have gone to Hogsmeade yourself.”
“I had other plans,” Peter whines, trying to grab the box. “But I need them!”
“Here. You can have this.” Remus offers, handing Peter a chocolate frog instead.
“No,” Peter shakes his head. “I don’t want that.”
“You like these!” Remus argues.
“It has to be fudge flies.” Peter insists, still trying to steal the box back.
“Why?” Remus groans in exasperation.
“Because they’re Y/N’s favorite!”
The dorm goes silent at that, everyone freezing before turning their gaze to Peter. Peter seizes the opportunity, snatching the box of fudge flies out of Remus’ hands and holding them to his chest.
“Wormtail…are you still hanging out with Y/N?” Remus asks, cautiously throwing a glance to James.
“Um…no?” Peter offers.
“Wormtail…” Remus calls.
“What do you want from me? I’m a child of divorce, okay?!” Peter defends.
“Peter,” Remus groans. “For the love of-“
“You’re such a traitor!” Sirius tells him. “Y/N’s the one who broke up with James in the first place. And here you are, fraternizing with the enemy.”
“I’m fraternizing?” Peter repeats incredulously before pointing at James. “James went to Hogsmeade with Lily!”
“How do you even know that?” Sirius asks in confusion. “It literally just happened!”
“I didn’t plan on it!” James interrupts. “She just showed up!”
“That’s such a load of bull! Lily told Y/N she was going to Hogsmeade with you!” Peter tells him, still holding the box of fudge flies to his chest.
“What?” James asks, confused. “How do you know?”
“Because I was with her when it happened! She was helping me with my alchemy assignment since you lot kept forgetting.”
“Lily said she was going with me?” James asks, more to himself than to Peter. She said that Marlene and Dorcas ditched her at the last minute. Was that a lie she said just to get close to him?
“What did Y/N do?” James finds himself asking before he can stop himself.
“Nothing.” Peter shrugs. “She said she hoped you’d have a good time together but then-“
“Then?” James asks, urging Peter to continue.
“Nothing.” Peter says, avoiding his gaze.
“Wormtail,” James sighs. “Just tell me.”
“I don’t know…she got really quiet after that.” Peter tells him. “She seemed sad.”
“She has no reason to be sad.” Sirius scoffs. “She’s the one who broke up with him in the first place.”
“When was this?” James asks, ignoring Sirius altogether.
“Thursday?” Peter mumbles with a shrug.
“Peter!” James groans. “If I had known Lily was plotting to go to Hogsmeade with me, I could’ve done something to stop it! Why didn’t you say anything sooner?!”
“I forgot!” Peter shouts.
Everyone starts arguing at that point; Sirius calling Peter a traitor, Peter defending himself for still hanging out with you, Remus saying that they did technically forget to help Peter with his assignment in the first place. While all the screaming is going on, James digs through his trunk before approaching Peter, handing him a packet of sour slugs.
“Here. Take her these, too. If she eats too much chocolate, she needs to have something sour.”
“How do you even know that?” Sirius asks.
“Because she’s my-“ James starts, only to cut himself off, shaking his head with a sad smile. “Was. She was my girlfriend.”
Remus gives James a sympathetic smile as Peter cautiously takes the candy from him.
“Wait! Not my fudge flies!” Remus groans as Peter runs out of the room.
“Bye!”
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
James waits for Lily to be distracted before he slips out of the party. Ever since the break up, she’s made it a habit to be close to him. She crashed his Hogsmeade trip, she changed her schedule so they could do rounds together, she even started sitting with the marauders in the great hall. And James hates it because when Lily’s around all he can think about is you. He’s constantly comparing Lily to you.
Lily always knows what she wants to eat, but James misses when you would change your mind four times in a row because you never know what to get. Lily always drinks pumpkin juice, but you can never limit yourself to having just one drink. You always need to have at least three different cups in front of you. The morning before the game, Lily told James he better win; and he was reminded of all the times you asked him to be careful, because his safety was more important to you than the quidditch cup.
When Lily finally manages to find James, he’s sitting on a bench out in the courtyard, playing with a necklace in his hands.
“There you are!” she calls as she gets closer. “Do you wanna go back inside?”
“I don’t wanna go to the stupid party.” James sighs sadly. “I want her back. I want her to want me back.”
“Who?” Lily asks, taking a seat beside him on the bench. “Y/N?”
“It’s not fair. I saw her first! Y/N had always been my little secret. She was this incredible thing I’d known about but everyone else seemed to miss. The treasure hidden in plain sight. The fortune of a lifetime that was somehow only visible to me.” James rambles. “I saw her before everyone realized her worth. I loved her when nobody noticed her. And now everybody does and she can have anyone and for a while that was me and it’s just- it’s not fair. It wasn’t nearly enough time.”
James hiccups, the firewhisky finally getting to him and Lily realizes in that moment that it’s you. Maybe at one point James did want her. Maybe he never wanted her at all, and asked her out because he felt like he had to, with everyone else getting into relationships. But one thing’s for certain, the only person he wants now is you. And sure, the attention James gave to Lily in sixth year was nice…at times. But she’d never forgive herself for being the thing that keeps you two apart. That being said, she bumps shoulders with James and gives him a comforting smile.
“You guys will be okay.”
“You really think so?” James asks with a hopeful smile.
“Yeah,” Lily nods. “You and Y/N have a love like you see on the big screen. And I’ve seen enough romantic comedies to know you’ll end up together.”
“Thanks, Lily.” James smiles.
“So what’s inside?” she asks, gesturing to the locket in his hand.
“Wanna see?” James asks, opening up the locket and handing it to her.
“Aw!” Lily laughs, looking at the picture of you and James. “It’s cute.”
“It was our first date,” James says proudly. “Our first official date.”
“And how was it?” Lily asks, handing the locket back to him.
“It was…the best day ever.” James sighs, closing the locket and putting it back on.
“Prongs!” Remus calls, “Are you out here?”
“Alright, let’s get you back to your friends.” Lily sighs, standing up. “I don’t know how to deal with you when you’re like this.”
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
“Y/N.”
You look up with a smile, only to frown when you see who called you.
“What do you want Michael?” you ask, hastily shoving your things back into your bag.
“You know what I want.” he says simply, causing you to scoff. “Are you going to make me ask again?”
“You didn’t even ask me the first time.” You remind him, standing from your seat. “You ordered me.”
“Same thing.”
“It really isn’t.” you shake your head. “But my answer hasn’t changed. I won’t marry you.”
“Y/N, I am a pure blood, high status wizard. I’m expected to marry a pure blood witch with high status in the wizarding world.”
“By all means, marry one! I’m not the only pure blood girl.” you scoff. “There are others.”
“None as beautiful as you. A Gray such as myself deserves the best. And you, my dear, are the best.”
“Well I deserve to marry someone I love, and that isn’t you.”
“And who is?” Michael asks with a laugh. “Potter?”
You glare at him as he continues to laugh.
“Princess, he left you. If he doesn’t even want to be in a relationship with you, what makes you think he’d marry you?”
“Michael, stop it. You’re being mean.”
“I’m being honest.” he says, slowly walking towards you, backing you up against the wall. “There’s a war coming, Y/N. Marry me and I can protect you. Don’t you want to be on the right side?”
Before you know what you’re doing, you’ve slapped Michael. Head still turned to the side, he huffs in amusement before turning his steely gaze back to you.
“I’m not afraid of the Dark Lord.” you tell him with a defiant shake of your head. “And I’m not afraid of you.”
“You really should be.” Michael says, putting his hands on your shoulders and pushing you up against the wall. You let out a surprised gasp, trying to shove him off to no avail.
“I did warn you that I would run out of patience.”
“Get off of me.” you demand weakly, giving his chest a shove, though it makes no difference.
“You’re in no place to give commands, love.” Michael chuckles darkly.
Michael takes a step closer, invading your personal space, and that’s when you start to panic. You don’t know if he’s going to try to kiss you or hit you, and you don’t know which thought scares you more. You’ve always prided yourself in being a brilliant witch. There are several defensive spells you’re able to perform with and without your wand. Unfortunately for you, you can’t remember a single one. At this moment, you’re just a scared, defenseless girl. And what do scared girls do? Run.
You stomp on Michael’s foot as hard as you can, and when he takes a step back, you push him away from you, grabbing your bag off the desk and running out of the room. Reaching the end of the hallway, you turn a corner, only to bump into a hard chest. Stumbling back, you look up and see James standing in front of you. James frowns in concern when he sees that you’re holding back tears.
“Are you okay?” he immediately asks.
Putting your head down, you try to walk past him but James grabs your wrist, keeping you in place.
“What happened?” he tries again.
“Nothing.” you shake your head, still avoiding his gaze. “I’m fine.”
“Obviously you’re not.” James argues. “Did someone say something to you?”
You silently shake your head, still trying to pull your wrist free from his grasp.
“Did someone do something to you?” James asks.
Immediately you freeze, looking up at James with wide eyes. Behind him, Remus, Peter, and Sirius all share a concerned look.
“What happened?” James asks again.
You open your mouth but no words come out, unable to tell James what happened. You feel embarrassed and ashamed that you weren’t able to fight Michael off. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you feel selfish for wanting James’ help even when you know that you no longer have that right.
“Nothing happened!” you yell, pulling your wrist from his grasp and running away. James watches you go with a worried frown.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
Having just left study hall, James is headed back to the common room when he happens to overhear two Slytherins talking.
“Have you heard? Apparently Gray has gone and asked Y/N to marry him once school is done.”
James stops in his tracks. Marriage? But you’re so young. And you’re not even dating Michael!
“Did she accept?”
“Well, he didn’t really leave much room for argument.”
“What’d he do?”
“Nothing too bad. Just scared her a bit, I think.”
James seethes as he hears this. That’s probably why you were fighting back tears when you bumped into him in the corridor the other day. James spots Michael in the distance and immediately starts walking over there. As soon as James reaches him, he shoves him harshly.
“Stay the fuck away from Y/N.” he orders.
“Why should I?” Michael asks, fixing his jacket.
“Because I fucking said so.”
Michael huffs in amusement.
“I mean it.” James tells him. “Don’t look at her. Don’t talk to her. Don’t even fucking think about her.”
“She’s not your girlfriend anymore, Potter.” Michael reminds him. “You have no claim over her.”
“That has nothing to do with it.” James shakes his head. “You’re a right prick and I won’t let you hurt her. So I’m telling you, for the last time, to stay away.”
“I don’t know.” Michael sighs. “I think she liked it when I was rough with her.”
James glares at him.
“Maybe that’s why she dumped you.” Michael continues. “Maybe she likes being pushed around.”
James sees red. Before he knows it, he’s pulled his fist back and clocked Michael right in the face. Michael winces as he touches his nose, glowering when sees blood on his hand.
“You’re dead, Potter.” he growls before swinging at him.
Michael and James continue to land blow after blow on each other before eventually Professor Gasly comes along and pulls them apart.
“What is going on?” He yells, looking between Michael and James for some sort of explanation.
“James threw the first punch!” a Slytherin shouts.
“But Michael started it!” A Gryffindor interjects. “He practically assaulted Y/N and then bragged about it!”
Michael tries to defend himself but is immediately shot down by Professor Gasly.
“Shut it. Not a word from you until you’re sitting in front of Dumbledore.”
Professor Gasly looks at James and rolls his eyes.
“Go clean yourself up.”
“Yes professor.” James says, turning around and walking away.
Having been tucked away in the courtyard enjoying the weather, you saw the whole confrontation with Michael. You watch James head into the castle and weigh your options before eventually following after him.
James knows he should probably go to the bathroom, or to his dorm, or even to Madam Pomfrey. But more than anything, he just wants to be alone. That being said, he walks into the first empty classroom he sees and takes a seat on the chair, groaning as he does. He sighs in annoyance when he hears a knock on the door.
James looks up and is surprised, as well as the tiniest bit relieved when he sees you standing there. You sheepishly hold up the damp washcloth in your hand.
“Can I help?”
Unable to form any words, James nods his head with a smile, only to wince when the cut on his lip starts bleeding again. You come to a stop right in front of James, and begin gently wiping his face with the washcloth, stopping every time he winces.
“I’m so sorry.” you whisper.
“Don’t be.” James says softly with a shake of his head.
“This is all my fault.”
“It’s not.”
“You got hurt because of me.”
“I got hurt because I started a fight with Michael.”
“Because of me.”
“Because he’s an absolute tosser.” James insists. The last thing he wants is for you to feel guilty. “It was only a matter of time before someone put him in his place.”
You sigh before eventually nodding your head, giving him a small smile. James takes in your features, desperately trying to memorize them. It’s been so long since he’s seen you up close. Heaven only knows when he’ll get another opportunity. His eyes zero in on your lips before he clears his throat, looking away.
“You can go.” he tells you, grabbing the cloth from you and standing up, taking a few steps away to put some distance between you two. “I can take it from here.”
“Are you okay?” you ask softly.
“Honestly? No.” James laughs with a shake of his head, back still turned to you. “And you should know that.”
“Pardon?”
“You have no right.”
“To what?”
“To make me love you!” James shouts, turning back around to face you. “To hold my hand and kiss me breathless and cheer for me at all my matches and look at me with those mesmerizing fucking eyes of yours and then just walk away like nothing happened!”
You look up at James with wide eyes, his outburst having caught you off guard.
“I was supposed to be over you!” he continues to yell. “I told myself it’d never work between us! I-I convinced myself it’d never happen. I moved on! And then you come along with your bouncy hair and radiant smile. And you listen to me, and you support me, and you’re the only person who really gets me and it’s not fucking fair.” James sighs. “None of this is fair. Knowing what it’s like to be loved by you and then losing you isn’t fair.”
“You…love me?” you ask, confusion clear in your voice.
“Yes!” James sighs. “More than anything.”
“But Lily…”
“Just a sad, pathetic attempt to get over you.” James tells you with a defeated shake of his head. “Nothing more.”
“But I heard you.” you continue. “With your friends. You were talking about not giving me the wrong idea and-“
“Darling, no.” James crosses the room in an instant, grabbing your hands. “You misunderstand. We were talking about telling you how I felt about you, how I still feel about you. But I know this was supposed to be fake. I didn’t want you to hate me for ruining everything.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” you assure him. “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry.”
“You have no reason to apologize.” James tells you. “I would’ve thought the same thing… What were you doing out there anyway?”
“Hm?” you ask with wide eyes before looking away. “Oh! Um, I was actually coming to talk to you.”
“Oh? About what?” James tilts his head to the side as he watches you curiously.
“I was actually coming to tell you that I thought…I was falling in love with you.”
James’ eyes widened at that. He didn’t know what you were going to say, but he sure as hell wasn’t expecting that. He had dreamt about you falling in love with him more times than he’d like to admit. He hoped and prayed and wished on every shooting star he ever saw; but to actually hear you say that you love him was something else entirely.
“R-really?” James asks breathlessly.
“Yeah,” you nod, still nervously avoiding eye contact. “But I’m not anymore.”
“Sorry?” James asks, confused.
“Falling in love.”
The look James gives you is one of utter devastation, so you’re quick to clarify.
“I’m far past that now, I’m afraid. I’m completely in love with you, James.” you admit, giving him a nervous smile.
“Don’t say that. Not if you don’t mean it.” James begs. “Please, darling. I will never recover.”
“It’s true,” you tell him. “I love you.”
James crashes his lips onto yours, one hand cupping your jaw, while the other gets buried in your hair and you wrap your arms around his shoulders as you kiss him back. When James finally finds the strength to pull away, you’re absolutely breathless. He is too, chest heaving as he gazes into your eyes, hands still cupping your face.
“I love you too. Godric, do I love you. I can’t believe I tried to fight it for so long. It’s you Y/N. You’re the one for me. It’s always been you. It will always be you.”
“It was never you for me.” you admit, causing James to let out a surprised laugh.
“Sorry?” he asks.
“I never in a million years thought I would ever be friends with you, let alone like you.” you continue.
“Wow,” James laughs. “You really know how to make a guy feel special.”
“But falling in love with you was the easiest thing in the world. And I only regret not falling for you sooner.”
James gives you a soft smile, eyes full of love as he gazes at you.
“Sorry I took so long.” you apologize with a sheepish smile.
James is briefly brought back to third year; when he was sitting in Charms and everyone was laughing at him, when he looked to his left and saw you, really saw you for the first time.
“Don’t be.” he shakes his head. “I would’ve waited forever for you.”
“Would you really?”
“I waited this long.” James says, causing you to roll your eyes in amusement. Oh, how he’s missed this.
“Go out with me.” James asks. “For real this time. No ulterior motives, no lies, no misunderstandings. I want to be able to love you honestly, openly… I want to love you wholeheartedly.”
“I do, too.” you tell him with a nod.
“It’s a bit too soon for ‘I do’s’ don’t you think, love?” James teases.
“I’ve changed my mind,” you tell him with a shake of your head, trying to free yourself from his grasp. “Let’s break up.”
“Yeah right!” James says, tightening his hold on you. “I’ve already lost you once. I’ll be damned if I lose you again.”
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
“Look at them,” Sirius groans. “Absolutely disgusting.”
Remus looks up from his book, seeing you and James having your own conversation, whispering to each other as you smile and laugh amongst yourselves.
“Leave them alone, Padfoot,” Remus sighs.
“I just don’t understand why they have to be so touchy, feely, kissy all the bloody time!” Sirius continues to complain.
“Of course you wouldn’t understand.” Remus says, turning the page of his book. “You’ve never been in love.”
“Hey!” Sirius exclaims, throwing an exploding bonbon at him. It hits Remus on the side of the head then falls to the ground where Peter picks it up and unwraps it, plopping it into his mouth with a happy grin.
“You should be happy for them.”
“As if!”
“Okay, happy for him.” Remus tries again. “He went from borderline stalking Y/N, to dating her.”
“Oi!” James calls, looking up in offense.
“I never stalked her!” he shouts before turning to look at you. “I never stalked you, love. Honest.”
“Right,” Remus scoffs. “You just stared at her all the time, and hexed any guy that talked to her, and snuck sweets into her bag when she wasn’t looking.”
“Wait…the sweets in my bag, that was you?” you ask, looking between James and Remus. James nods his head with a shy smile while Sirius laughs.
“Godric, I didn’t know it was that bad! What else did he do, Moony?”
“NOTHING!” James shouts, face turning a brilliant shade of red.
“I can’t believe you didn’t notice.” Remus tells Sirius. “It was kind of obvious.”
Sirius blinks several times, before shifting the attention to you.
“Yeah, Y/N. I can’t believe you didn’t notice.”
“wha-me? I didn’t know!” you defend.
“You didn’t know?” Sirius repeats skeptically. “According to Moony, he stared at you all day everyday. You honestly didn’t notice James’ eyes glued to you?”
“I didn’t notice James at all!” you stress, causing the boys to laugh.
“Love,” James whines, burying his face into your neck in embarrassment.
“But it’s fine because now he’s all I can think about.”
“So it’s safe to say it all turned out okay in the end.” James says with a proud grin.
“You make it sound as if this was your plan all along.” Sirius huffs in amusement.
“How do you know it wasn’t?” James asks, crossing his arms.
“Your master plan was to admire her from afar for years and then ask her to pretend to be your girlfriend in your last year of school, hoping she’d develop real feelings for you?” Remus asks incredulously.
“It’s called playing the long game, Moony.” James says with a nod, causing you to laugh.
“You’re an idiot.” Remus mumbles, getting back to his book.
“Unbelievable.” James says with a shake of his head. “I’m not gonna sit here and listen to this. Darling, would you like to go on a walk?”
You nod your head with a smile, grabbing James’ hands so he can pull you up.
“You don’t really hate them being together, do you?” Remus asks Sirius.
“Nah, I just like teasing him.” Sirius says, nodding his head. “Look at them, Moons.”
Sirius, Remus, and Peter all watch as James pulls a bouquet of flowers for you out of thin air. You grab a daisy from the arrangement and tuck it behind his ear. You nod proudly at your work before you tilt your head up and pout your lips, silently asking for a kiss, which James is more than happy to give you.
“What they have is real,” Sirius tells him. “How could anyone be annoyed by that?”