It was dawn. The birth of a new day, the hope for a change. But Daniel’s daily disposition was chronic, moving forward by inertia. However, his nights were as white as snow during Christmas time, except that wasn’t anything romantic. The success that filled his heart, his name came out from young lovely strangers making him feel such emotions that until the age of 11 didn’t know at all. Harry Potter movies gave him all that a human being could ever wish for, from significant amounts of money that would have settled his life completely, to the unconditional love of the people who had found a safe place through the movies. On the other hand, he had no reason to stay in the darkness to ruminate over the sadness of his own life. And yet he couldn’t do anything else, because, while the joy brought by the fulfillment of his dreams was burning in his soul, the thorns of love caused his heart to bleed for one name only: Helena Bonham Carter.
That eccentric, original, and unique actress who messed up his life during a simple day of filming. Everyone knew her, because she was not only the girlfriend of one of the most famous and loved filmmakers in the history of cinema, the huge Tim Burton, but especially because she was one of a kind. Self-confident, understanding, and generous with everyone, she could play a serial killer in a movie and the moment when the final curtain falls, she rushed at you showing you her empathy and kindness. It was impossible not loving her and Daniel wasn’t the only one. Tom Felton didn’t make a mystery of it and Daniel envied this courage. Unlike him, when his feelings were too unbearable, he was able to write her a letter like the shy little boy who proposed to the cutest little girl in the class, the fear of rejection was agonizing. But once again Helena proved to be the wonderful person she was, starting to treat the boy most sweetly. This brought a chink of light to Daniel’s insecurities, who established an amazing relationship with the woman, but it wasn’t enough to calm his unstoppable feelings. He hoped, till the end, that at the hand of the movies they would have stopped or soothed, but they turned into the biggest fear he had: not seeing her again.
But the future worked in his favor, despite he waited for 11 years. The Reunion. Seeing his dearest friends again, retrace the places that accompanied him for 10 years… And feel again the warmth that only Helena’s hugs could give him. She hasn’t changed at all. They spent most of the time ironizing about the huge ‘crush’ Daniel had on her… if only she knew.
That was the last time he saw her. Their film career filled every space of their days and of their minds, especially the one of the 33-year-old man. Red carpet, new movies, new offers, new actresses. They were all stunning, unreachable, and incredibly beautiful. But Daniel was blind in front of their beauty, even though he tried to keep away those feelings towards the actress even in the most popular way, like ending the evenings in his loft with perfect strangers after spotting them in an English pub.
But the most cunning girls understood that a second date was a losing battle, when their gazes fell on that frame on his nightstand, depicting the boy and the woman during their golden years.
This caused a huge disappointment in him, he wasn’t used to ‘using’ women, he defined her as amazing. With a few exceptions, though they’re few when he heard sentences like “Oh, is she your mother?”A huge annoyance, especially the fact they didn’t recognize her. But in the end, that situation was pretty unusual. There was a huge age difference between them, particularly evident during the filming of the saga. Helena was 41 at that time, while Daniel was 18. On the other hand, Daniel could never have imagined that his first love would have lasted for 15 years.
Shirtless, covered by a white duvet in a hotel suite after a weekend of work and all those reflections that accompanied his awakenings, he didn’t realize that that day he would have come back to his London place. A long shower, casual clothes, and straight toward the airport. He adored his city, slightly melancholy but so damn elegant. People smile and hot coffee smell in the morning. Spending time with himself became a habit every time he came back from a business journey, maybe in some unknown cafe drinking a cup of coffee and some jazz music in the background while reading a newspaper. You could say it was his favorite hobby… other than the remembrance of his memories.
That day, on his return, he found a particularly rainy and wet London. Unfortunately, he found himself without an umbrella at hand, forcing him to seek shelter in the nearest bar. It wasn’t too crowded, just the way he likes it. He sat a bit distant from the windows, always on alert to the paps who were always ready to capture the moment and took pictures of him, he ordered a cup of coffee and started to read.
Quite a few other people were chatting in the bar, but they weren’t enough to catch the actor’s attention who was immersed in the UK news, until the moment when someone was about to approach him from a slight distance.
“Daniel… is that you?”
The boy slowly looked up after hearing calling his name, supposing it was a fan who wanted to ask for a picture with him….. but the vision in front of him petrified him.
“H-Helena?”
It was her. His night’s dream, the gaze he was searching among people, his first and biggest love. Her straight messy hair, wearing a floor-length black dress with a duvet of the same color and low boots leather color. She wasn’t changed at all, she was always that eccentric and confident woman. One of her biggest smiles appeared on her face, running towards the boy who hugged her so tight, after all those years.
“I can’t believe you’re here! What are you doing here? I’ve never seen you!”
“Well, actually it’s my first time in here… I was just back from the airport and suddenly it started to rain, and it was the nearest bar!”
The boy and the woman pulled away from the hug that, if it was for Daniel, it would have lasted forever. He couldn’t realize it, the main character of his thoughts and the beating of his heart was right there, in front of him, his mind was full of thoughts. They both sat at his table, and a huge smile shined on their faces.
“I’m so happy to see you, seems like a long time since the Reunion!” The actress said with excitement.
“A year and a month…” Daniel said, realizing a few moments later what he said, making feel the woman a bit surprised.
“Wow, did you count them? Seemed you missed me a lot!” She said with her usual mischievous tone which drove Daniel crazy. He blushed at her sentence, receiving a mischievous smile from Helena.
“Well, how can I not miss you? You’re amazing!”
That time Helena was the one who blushed evidently after that compliment. She was used to receiving them, but those from the boy were different, more special… there was something more, she thought. She reached his hands, receiving a firm tight from the boy. It felt like a dream, it couldn’t be real, the actor thought.
“So… you’ve done a lot so far! A lot of projects!” She said with her usual excitement and a lot of pride.
“Yeah, I worked with Sandra Bullock, Channing Tatum, and Evan Rachel Wood recently… it was fun!”
“Wow! You were surrounded by beautiful women huh!” She said ironically… if only she knew.
“Absolutely!” He said blushing again, praying that the conversation would have come to an end as soon as possible “But what about you? I’ve seen you were pretty busy as well!”
“Oh yes, I worked on Enola Holmes sequel with Millie Bobby Brown and David Thewlis!”
“No way! Our dear professor Lupin!”
The two actors laughed happily at the sentence, remembering the old times.
“I think it’s really beautiful that in some way the movies still belong to our lives, even though it’s been a long time”, Helena said with a sweet note of melancholy,
“Yeah, same here. They changed our lives.” He said looking deep inside the eyes of the woman “It has wonderfully changed our life.”
They stared at each other for those who seemed endless seconds, with the noise of people’s lives inside the bar who were far from them and their gazes who were screaming those words that they weren’t able to speak. Their hands held each other like they were afraid to lose themselves once again, without knowing when they would have met again.
But Daniel’s shyness was boundless, he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her, but the feeling of affection and admiration for the actress was too big to risk losing her.
He didn’t want to say those words, he knew he’d be mad at himself, but he had no choice.
“I think huh… I have to go now, Helena. It’s been such an intense week.” He lied, hating himself.
“Wait Daniel… can I…. Can I carry you home? It’s pouring down outside and if I let you go with this weather I would never forgive myself!” The woman said, receiving a pleasantly surprised look from the boy.
“I- I don’t want to put you out Helena.”He said politely, despite the immense joy to have received that proposal.
“Oh come on, let’s go!” She said with one of her wonderful smiles.
They came out of the bar after that Daniel, as a good gentleman, paid for the both of them. The rain became dense, but luckily Helena’s car wasn’t that distant from the bar, so they immediately got into the car.
The travel home wasn’t full of dialogue, especially for Daniel who spent his time observing the woman. He wanted to paint her in his mind, he wanted to fix that wonderful day in his heart for the moments he would have missed her the most. The woman seemed to perceive those glares from the boy, keeping it for herself. She was happy about it, she loved that boy.
Once arrived at the destination, a wave of sadness overwhelmed the boy. He didn’t want to lose her, not again. So he plucked up the courage he had in his veins and said:
“Thank you for the ride… do-do you want to come in?”
She didn’t know how, but she expected that request. Was it for kindness…. Or other?
“Oh darling… I can’t today, I’m sorry…” she said, with a lot of sadness.
He felt overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and awkwardness. How could he have thought she would have accepted?
“I-I’m so sorry, really I….”
“No no Daniel, I want to! It’s just I have my son at home, he always spends the weekend with me. Listen… do you want to go out for dinner next Monday?”
That set of negative emotions was replaced by confusion and disbelief, but also undeniable happiness. The boy didn’t waste time.
“Y-yes of course! Monday is perfect”
The woman’s face lit up like she got the part of a movie she wanted to be like the sun coming out after a rainy day.
“Amazing! You got my number, right?”
“Yeah, I got it!”
“Okay so, give you the details tomorrow!”
The two smiled like two children. Daniel felt like he was back to the Harry Potter movies days when he was filled with adrenaline when he saw her coming, that joy to talk to her… And finally, he had the chance to spend that time he wished with her. His body tensed for the second time that day when the woman’s lips touched the cheek of the boy, like one of those days of shoot in 2010 where Helena, wearing that famous Bellatrix Lestrange costume, lovingly kissed the cheek of a young Daniel amid a huge crush that he didn’t know it would have lasted in the years ahead, capturing the moment in a photo that he jealously kept for himself.
He never forgot the warmth of those lips on his face, but damn it, he missed them so much. And at that moment, he wanted to turn his face and finally know the taste of her kisses, holding her so tight once and for all no ifs and buts. He wanted her to be his.
The actor blushed, this time more evidently, trying not to show the vulnerability that gesture caused him.
“See-see you tomorrow Helena.”
He said, then rushing out of the car and noticing a smirk on the actress’s lips. He said bye for the last time that day, then saw her car getting lost in the London streets.
He smiled like he was used to doing after dreaming of her in his night… and finally that dream come true.
There were hours of anxiously waiting for Daniel which he didn’t feel not even during a red carpet of a successful film. He waited for that day like it was a change in his life, a mix of indescribable joy, nervousness, and a bit of fear. He wondered why Helena still hadn’t texted him, although it was almost dinner time. A lot of ‘ifs’ came to his mind: what if she regretted? What if she accepted as a courtesy? What if the evening would have been a mess?
The actor took a deep breath, drank a glass of water, and wore the shirt he was supposed to wear that evening and, right after, he got the message he was waiting for days. It was her, but the context wasn’t the one he was waiting for:
Hey Dan,
I didn’t want to send you this message, believe me. But I got that damn seasonal flu too and woke up with a fever and sore throat. When I’ll feel better we’ll spend the entire day together, I promise you. And this one’s on me!
Can you forgive me?
Xxx
H.
His world fell apart, like every time he woke up after a dream. The world gave him just one short and immense moment of joy, and it was that day at the bar. There wouldn’t have been other real dreams, just one of those thousand wonderful moments that he would have kept in his heart forever. It was for sure a selfish thought which was distracting him from reality - showing her how much his love goes beyond her physical presence, how much he cared for every little thing, even seasonal influenza. So, after thinking twice about his response, he sent that message:
I wouldn’t make you do that, you know me!
I’m so sorry about that, is there anything I can do?
Let me know!
Xxx
D.
The woman immediately read the message, turning her sad mood in better way. She loved the fact he always cared about her, he was always that kind and selfless person who was always there holding her coffee during the shoots and it melted her heart so much. She wanted to see him, more than she expected, but the idea he would have seen her in that way and, even worse, risking infecting him and stopping him to do his work schedules, was holding her back.
I don’t want you to be infected!
I would never forgive myself!
But your words made me feel so much better.
Love ya xxx
H.
The last sentence of that message made his heart burst with joy, it was unbelievable that woman was able to make him feel all sorts of emotions, from the most painful to the most joyful one. Nevertheless, he felt helpless knowing he couldn’t help her in any way, especially the idea there wasn’t anyone in the house, not even her kids. He got an idea even though he knew the woman wouldn’t agree about it.
He got into his car and left.
One hour later he was at Helena’s house. He knew the woman would have been disappointed to that surprise, as much as he would have been if he wouldn’t taken that decision. He took a bag from the back seat and headed towards the door. He hesitated a few moments before ringing the doorbell, between feelings of emotion and concern, but it was too late to back out. So he pressed the doorbell. After a few seconds, Helena appeared in front of him with a red polka-dot blanket, his face was tired. Her eyes widened to that vision.
“Daniel?! What are you doing here?” She said a bit shocked but with a hint of happiness.
The boy showed the bag in response “I brought you this and some meds! And in the case you already have them… well, it’s always good to have some supplies!”
The woman giggled weaker than usual, coughing a second after. “Come on in!” She said, inviting him inside her big house. “You’re such a stubborn, I told you not coming! I don’t want to infect you!” The actress said with concern but a lot of perceptible sweetness.
“I wouldn’t have left you alone, especially now that your kids are not home. So I’ll stay here, at least until the fever won’t be gone!” Daniel bravely said, feeling proud of his decision.
The woman smiled, giving up on this. “You’re not changed at all, you’re always that guy who always ended up holding my coffee and being sure I didn’t miss anything.”
Daniel smiled at the sentence, knowing she remembered every detail of the past made him so happy… like him. “Well, some things never change.” He said, realizing he said too much for the second time.
The woman looked at him, not sure of what he meant. His sentences always had a special impact on her, it was something that she couldn’t explain, but it made her feel particularly at ease. “Hum, do you want something to drink?”
Daniel took the initiative, not forgetting the reason why he was there. “Now the only thing you need to do is relax, I’m the one who has to take care of you.”
The woman took a sigh of surrender, she didn’t like to be seen in that way, especially when there were people she cared about the most around. But he was right, even though it wasn’t a serious illness it was good someone was there to take care of her. She headed towards the couch, wrapping up with the blanket and lying on it. The actor’s heart melted at that vision.
“How are you feeling?” He asked with a hint of concern.
“Like I got hit by a train. A crap.”
“A classic. Did you take your meds?”
“You won’t believe it, you got good timing. I finished my Paracetamol. I can say you saved my life.” She said ironically, receiving a very shocked expression on Daniel’s face.
“I’m so glad I didn’t listen to you! I’m going to make some tea, so you can take your meds. I hate to see you so miserable.” He said, heading towards the kitchen.
“And I hate to be seen in this way!” She said, raising her voice to be heard.
The boy smiled to himself, thinking about her words. “You always look gorgeous…” he said softly catching the attention of Helena who didn’t understand clearly what he had said.
“Did you say something?”
“Huh? Oh no no, I was just… searching for the sugar!” He said panicking, miraculously finding an excuse. “There it is!”
The woman didn’t hear his words, but she knew him too well and she knew he was hiding something, hiding some unspoken words he didn’t dare to say. This caused her particular satisfaction. She saw the bag the boy brought, wondering what there was inside.
“I don’t want to intrude but… what’s inside the bag?”
“Oh yeah, I brought you something to eat!” The actor said, heading towards her and holding the hot drink which gently handed her. “Be careful, it’s really hot.”
Helena looked at him with all the mercy and affection that someone could put in a gaze, his presence made her forget her illness, she never felt that way with anyone. “Thank you, darling, you’re a catch.”
Daniel’s white face burned with a fierce red after hearing those words, and didn’t go unnoticed by Helena’s eyes, he wouldn’t never have imagined such a deep sentence like that would come out of her mouth. He wasn’t able to say a meaningful sentence.
“Oh c’mon…” he said panicking, trying desperately not to show up.
“Why?” She asked, teasing him “I can’t believe there’s not a girlfriend waiting for you at home.”
A thousand questions exploded in his mind, how did they get there? What was the reason why she asked that question? Why was she so interested? Too many questions with no answer.
“It’s… it’s a complicated story… but no. No girlfriend waiting for me at home.”
To each word the boy tried to avoid any eye contact, he knew his eyes would have gave him away and Helena was a specialist to read people’s minds. She was really good to dig into their souls, with her penetrating gaze which was able to undress from any kind of thought and decipher their souls. And he never would have let this to happen. The woman stared at him, trying to study his gestures, to catch at least even a small part of what he was thinking, but without any success. His shyness allowed him not show up his feelings, especially what he had inside his heart. But she didn’t want to embarrass him, he’s been so kind to visit her that day. So she decided to resume the previous topic.
“So… what’s good there?” She said with a smile.
He was grateful for the changing subject, getting his illusionary confidence back.
He took a huge sandwich from inside and handed to the actress.
“It’s a sandwich with chicken, I thought eating something more substantial would be good for you.”
The woman smiled to the boy’s unawareness, who found terribly sweet. “Can you get me a plate, please?” The woman asked, receiving a nod from Daniel who immediately ran to take it.
But what he saw right after astonished him. The woman opened the bread, removing the chicken inside. He didn’t understand, maybe she didn’t like meat? It was weird, he thought, since he already saw her eating it in the past.
“Why are you removing it?”
“Two reasons: I love eating bread without anything inside, and then we can share it! You should eat as well.”
She said nonchalantly like she always did, the boy couldn’t reply to this, instead he bursted into a huge laugh with her.
That evening, even though it was started in a bad way, went in a wonderful way. There weren’t fancy dinners, elegant dressed in a fancy restaurant, just the two of them sitting in a couch to chat about everything. It was something that Daniel could only dream of before that day, and he would never have imagined it to happen.
The evening came in a flash, the sun was saying goodbye again to the day, leaving space to the beauty of the night. The two actors lose track of time and Daniel feared it was the moment to leave her, since she didn’t have fever for hours.
“It’s late, I think I should…”
But Helena stopped him, she knew what he was going to say and, strangely, it was the last thing she wanted to hear.
“No please…” she said, grabbing gently his wrist, causing a significant quiver on him “stay here, at least for tonight…”
He couldn’t say no, not in front of those brown eyes that was shining like galaxy. He couldn’t leave her alone, he had not.
“You must be tired…” he said with a little smile.
“Well, we could watch some TV” she said turning on the screen, not leaving him the time to answer.
The boy was pleasantly surprised, she surely wanted some company despite the flu… but there was something in her request, in her voice, like a beg. He didn’t understand, he couldn’t think clearly.
Those thoughts tormented him for a few minutes, when a highly unexpected move of the woman froze him. The woman laid herself on her side on Daniel’s legs, always looking at the screen. He was so afraid to wake up and realize it was just one of his wildest dreams. But that time there weren’t deep thoughts, or illusions o imaginations . That woman, the woman he was in love with, during a simple night he would have spent in his loft with his own regrets, was there with him. Weak, tired, but happy. He could feel it. So he putted his palms on Helena’s arm, touching it gently, and receiving a sound of relaxation from the actress.
Those touches went on for several minutes, until the woman’s eyes closed, making her fall into a deep sleep.
Daniel was happy, a happiness he never felt before. He couldn’t describe it, not even to himself, he just knew every instant of that day was perfect. Everything was perfect. He knew while the world was turning around and time was passing, he was in the right place…. With the right woman.
Days passed, but something different was floating in the air between the two actors, after that amazing day at Helena’s place. The woman recovered quite nicely, except for her state of mind. Since that day, her dominant thought was the boy, after that beautiful gesture to watch over her. Of course, he cared about her, she knew it, and he was an extremely thoughtful person… But her life experience warned her there was something more than a beautiful friendship. She knew Daniel have had a crush on her. She knew that, unlike Tom, he’d rather be a discreet person, like during those red carpets where the boy always tried to meet her gaze and her company. And she loved all of this, especially his discretion and discretion… but mostly, she loved his presence. But at the same time, she was scared of all these emotions, she was scared this emotional sphere could turn into something bigger. Her past relationships forced her to build an emotional wall, deciding to take care of herself, her career, and her kids. She knew she was just running away from her problems, even more, she knew she couldn’t run away forever. But what was the point to try? The risk to ruin that wonderful friendship, to live a possible relationship that could end in a bad way due to their age difference was very high, and Daniel didn’t deserve it. Instead, he deserved a life full of success, to achieve his dreams, anything he desired. He deserved happiness only, and she was nothing more than an obstacle.
That’s why she spent those days avoiding any kind of contact with the boy, even though she knew it would have hurt him, so she gave the banalest excuses like ‘work’ and ‘family’. But they didn’t help her, instead, she felt even worse. Especially when Daniel told her that day he would attend one of his rarest public appearances in theatre, she left him unanswered. And she hated herself for this, she knew Daniel loved poetry as much as she did, one of the qualities she loved the most about the young actor. Every possible decision she made sounded wrong to her, she didn’t want to jump into the abyss of hazards but she didn’t even want to be the reason for another disappointment, not when they finally got close again.
In the end, after a thousand questions and the impossibility to find a solution, she concluded. She decided to go. She couldn’t stand the thought of the actor’s heart breaking into pieces if she hadn’t gone. They’re her insecurities, not his, and he didn’t deserve to be punished for her unfounded doubts.
She looked at the watch, grateful she still had some time to get ready. She went into her bedroom and opened her wardrobe, full of extravagant and unique clothes. But she didn’t want to wear one of those, she wanted to be elegant, at least in theatre. She took a long sparkly black dress with sheer long sleeves, deciding to wear some décolleté even though she always found them pretty uncomfortable, but she loved to wear them for special occasions, and that one was one of those.
She did a few waves in her hair, took the coat and the bag, and she left. She had a weird feeling which made her heart beat faster than usual, she couldn’t understand why. Was she afraid of seeing him again after days of neglect? Was she scared he could ask her some questions? She couldn’t find an answer.
She sat on the last row down the hall, she didn’t want all the attention on her, it was his evening and not hers. That nervousness and anxiety feeling seemed to last than usual, pouring all the tension on her own hands, rubbing them nervously. Her palms were sweating, like those of a student a few minutes before a school exam and no one could calm her soul. But it was a moment when the young actor appeared on that little stage, followed by a lot of applause. His outfit perfectly suited his body, wearing a classic tuxedo and a few men’s elegant slip-ons He was undoubtedly a beautiful guy, but not that kind of classic beauty. His beard wasn’t that thick, and he got a face of a grown man. It was like that teenager who met at the start of Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix movie didn’t exist anymore, except for his wonderful soul. Helena’s eyes always saw that 17 years old boy who was selfless, shy, wise, and cultured… but in a body of a 33 years old boy. A smile appeared on her face while seeing him standing there, feeling proud of what he become.
He read some poems, his and not, a few were famous, and others not for one hour and a half. Not even an earthquake would have distracted her attention from the passion and intensity he put into the reading, causing her goosebumps. She could hear some fans saying his name out loud between those applauses, the actor showed a shy smile that melted the actress’s heart.
“Thank you so much for coming. But before ending the show, I’d like to read a poem that I love particularly. I won’t say the title, I’m curious to know if you recognize it.” He said with a smile, like her.
“When I am sad and weary
When I think all hope has gone
When I walk along High Holborn
I think of you with nothing on.”
The public began an endless standing ovation, showing their joy and their indescribable emotion with hisses and small screams, except Helena. She was petrified, dumbstruck, those hands who were pouring themselves a few minutes before were frozen.
She knew Daniel didn’t know she was there, but it didn’t stop him from reciting that poem: her favorite poem ever.
The actor knew, he knew among all the beautiful poems she ever read, that was the one she loved the most. However, the actress didn’t know the boy had a particular interest in that poem. Helena’s mind felt like exploding with a lot of thoughts: Maybe Daniel saw her? Maybe he decided to read it with the hope that, in the end, she was going to be there. Or… was it a way to think of her?
Some of the spectators interrupted her deepest thoughts taking the opportunity to take a picture with her. She graciously agreed, as usual, even though her distraction was pretty evident. She came to a solution, talking with Daniel. So once she finished with the fans, she headed toward his dressing room. When she saw his manager and his agent in front of a door, she understood it was his. They welcomed her warmly, knowing the beautiful relationship she and Daniel created through the years, inviting her to wait for him inside his dressing room while he was finishing to dedicate some minutes to the fans. She walked up and down the room, trying to appease her spirits, finding it quite difficult. She wasn’t sure about what she would have said, it was one of the few times where rationality wasn’t by her side. She was afraid, so much. Fear overwhelmed her the moment when the door knob lowered, revealing her young coworker and friend. They stared at each other like petrified, like the moment before Bellatrix Lestrange's death when she was struck by the killing curse. There was a mix of happiness and fear in Daniel’s gaze who closed the door behind him without interrupting the eye contact with Helena. He understood it would have been a different conversation from the others, because none of them dared to come closer to the other, a considerable distance separated them.
The woman smiled very slightly, which seemed to warm a bit the boy’s heart.
“Helena… hi…” he said with more shyness than usual.
“Hi…” she said coldly, but with a hint of affection in it, which the boy caught.
The young boy lowered his gaze, he was right, there was something different between them. On the other hand, it had been a few weeks since their last ‘real’ contact, and suddenly their contacts began to be infrequent, even though Helena tried to reassure him with obvious banal excuses like schedules and family. Helena has always been a busy lady but she never missed the chance to make its presence felt to those who colored her days. And Daniel was one of them. So why this sudden detachment? What did he do so wrong? He had always been terrified to make false steps with her and, seeing their moods, there were all the reasons why but without understanding the cause. He sat on a chair, and the weight of his body started to be heavy even though he was pretty slim. All of this is because of the oppression of those fears.
“I… I didn’t expect you’d come” he said, without looking at her.
“I have to be honest.. me neither.” She said with a sad but firm tone. She knew that sentence would have hurt the actor a lot.
“Mh… fine then.” He whispered, trying desperately to hide the pain behind his words. “Well, no one forced you,” he said a bit sternly, getting up from the chair and starting to walk up and down the room like his co-worker did a few minutes before.
“Daniel…” she said with a heartbroken tone. She never hated herself like that before, saying those words cut off her heart even though she wouldn’t have thought that either.
The boy looked at her, there was a certain twinkle in his eyes that impressed the actress. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him after the beautiful evening he got, especially after he recited her favorite poem. She hated herself more.
“Y-you knew it was my favorite poem…” She took a break, without looking away from him “Was it for me, is it?”
He rested his back on the wall, the only physical support he had. He found it impossible to say something, much less to keep eye contact with Helena. He knew what to answer, but the fear things could get worse was undeniable. But at that time, there would be no escapes, or conversations that would have deflected the fact. The time of the truth came. So, with impressive slowness, he nodded.
Helena wasn’t particularly surprised. She knew of that huge crush the young actor had on her, but at that age was normal, it was a temporary crush.. at least, that’s what she thought. To that non-verbal response, a question came out spontaneously:
“Daniel… please tell me the truth. That crush you had on me 15 years ago…” she wasn’t able to finish the sentence, her heartbeat was like crazy.
Daniel started to shake like he was having a panic attack. But it wasn’t a health issue, his heart and his feelings were the cause.
“It wasn’t a crush…” He finally found the courage to look at the woman he always loved, small drops of water formed in his brown eyes “It never was.”
He spitted out those words, after 15 years of silence. The actor felt strangely better like an enormous weight has been lifted off his shoulders. But the woman’s look made him feel like he was retracing those fears, nightmares he wasn’t used to living in his dreams. There wasn’t sadness, or anger in her gaze, but there wasn’t joy either. He didn’t know what she was feeling inside, and it was killing him.
Helena was astonished. She wasn’t able to realize the words of the boy in front of her, even more, she was surprised her defensive side didn’t take over. Instead, she felt like… flattered? That calm exterior was hiding the biggest brain fog, once again she didn’t know what to do, or to say.
“D-Daniel… I…”
Two words, two simple words, and the emotional sphere of the young man exploded. Countless tears fell down his cheeks to his lapel, a horrible vision for Helena’s eyes. She felt heartless and cruel. The boy who was able to make her days, giving her a thousand smiles in one hour, being so present in a few days was there in front of her with a broken heart. This thought left her breathless, finding herself with endless tears as well. Without hesitating she ran towards Daniel’s arms. Long and enveloping arms covered her little body, holding it tight like any existing phenomenon could take her away from him, because he never felt in his life so much fear to lose her forever until that moment. What would’ve happened? Would everything be the same? Or did they reach their final destination? They both knew nothing would have been the same, albeit with a mix of hope and trepidation. Helena turned her gaze to her co-worker, without moving away from that deep hug. She was a world shining in his eyes, made of dreams come true and not, projects, sacrifices, pain, and insecurities. A world that made the wonderful boy she met when he was a teen who became mature and strong. A man, a beautiful and sweet man.
She wiped away his tears with her thumb, she never wanted to see that scene again, he didn’t deserve anything sad and bad. Instead, he deserved everything that made him happy. At that moment the only thing she didn’t want to do was to think, so with desperation and a lot of bravery, she put her lips on Daniel’s. She could feel his cardiac muscle racing wildly like in a street race, even though the boy responded decisively to that gesture he would never think to do. There were little but endless seconds when they both stared at each other with wide eyes.
“It’s not possible…” he said breathlessly. “I’m dreaming, as always…” he said, open to the possibility that moment could vanish.
The woman didn’t understand his words, but she didn’t care that much. She knew it wasn’t a dream but especially she knew that unexpected gesture completely overturned Daniel’s mood, and it warmed her heart. That gesture warmed her heart. She smiled, giving a second kiss to the actor. It was different, slower, intense… passionate. Their lips danced slowly, involving their tongues that wanted to discover their taste for years, especially for Daniel. That passion they expressed through that awaiting gesture was radiating from every pore, not being able to maintain physical stability. Unintentionally their bodies started to move caused by the heat of the moment, bringing Helena’s body to hit the large table of the dressing room. They both jumped to the crash, causing a small but intense laugh.
“Are you hurt??” Daniel asked anxiously.
“No no it’s okay, don’t worry!” The actress comforted him with a slight laugh.
Their lips were like magnets, they couldn’t separate from each other with together their tongues which were tied in a sexy dance. The young man lifted her gently, seating her on the table in front of him without any intention to interrupt that magic he wished for years. The woman pleasantly gasped at that gesture, feeling an incredible adrenaline rush inside of her, she had no memory of the last time she felt that fervor. A moment later, Daniel stopped those passional moves dedicating his attention to that neck that obsessively admired until that moment, wondering what it would be like dying over. The woman slightly jumped, pushing instinctively the boy’s body towards her. Her mind went black, causing her small but intense moans from her deep. A reaction that didn’t cause impassibility to the boy, who put more passion into the act. They both were crushed by a wave of passion, a glowing fire that resulted hard to hide. But Helena knew that place, in those circumstances, wouldn’t have been appropriate and especially, someone could walk out that door and cause a huge embarrassment. Hardly and unwillingly, the woman slightly moved away Daniel’s body from hers, causing concern from him.
“What happens? Am I going too fast?” He asked with a hint of worry in his voice.
“No no darling, it’s okay.”Helena said comforting him with a caress on his cheek “It’s just… I don’t think this is the right place!” She said with a reassuring smile and a bit of humor.
Daniel looked at her, extremely incredulous at her words. He got the message behind her sentence, and it caused him a lot of joy. He didn’t think twice, so he gave her one last kiss then they both headed towards the outside of the door.
There were a few members of his management waiting for them, who turned their gaze to the two actors who came out of the room.
“Everything’s alright? We thought we heard a strange noise before!” One of the staff members said.
The two tried not to show the panic in their eyes, but as actors, they managed to fix the situation.
“That’s my fault, I was fixing my shoe but I lost balance while I held myself! I’m too far gone!” The actress lied impeccably, persuading the staff members without any hesitation.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” They asked worried.
“Yeah, she’s okay, made sure of it!” The actor lied as well with fake confidence.
The last minutes spent inside the building went by between one chat and another, until the moment when, with a fake but good excuse, Helena proposed to Daniel to carry him home.
There was an anomalous tension during the trip, which never existed before that moment. They both knew their relationship completely changed, but they came across some incontrovertible conditions. Avoid the subject, pretend to be good friends after what happened before would have been a lie. There were no words from either, just meaningful looks that broke the silence inside the vehicle.
They arrived at Daniel’s loft in a flash. Helena moved around the house with particular interest, she’s never been there before. She took care of every detail, from the well-placed drape in the living room to that suitcase in his bedroom, set up for a trip which hasn’t yet been scheduled.
“Are you going someplace?” She asked, seeing the suitcase.
“No... But it’s better to be ready in the case.” He said, noticing a hint of disappointment in her voice. He smiled at that thought. “Why? Wouldn’t you?” He asked, looking forward to hearing her response.
Helena understood perfectly the boy’s intentions, however, he did manage it. She found herself trapped in that question. She was terrified to say too much. But she wouldn’t play the ‘insecurity’ part. She had every intention to confront him where words were not needed.
“You talk too much, itty, bitty, baby… Radcliffe.” She said coming dangerously close to the actor while pronouncing those famous lines she played in her first scene in the Harry Potter saga.
Daniel’s mouth went totally dry in a second, the woman’s unpredictability was something Daniel never gotten used to. From that wise, rational, and professional woman, she could become a ruthless temptress. And he knew it very well.
The occasions where Helena teased him during his adolescence never missed; like during the red carpets or when someone took some photos on the set, the boy seemed to relive them in that moment.
They found themselves in front of each other, with just the noise of their imperceptible breaths. The hands of the boy gently went on the actress's waist while hers slowly traveled on the young man's chest. Her palm's movements inevitably opened his jacket buttons, revealing a thin but muscular chest. A weird feeling spread in her, she never saw the boy half-naked although there were a few scenes in the movies where Daniel was shirtless. And she didn’t mind it she felt ‘enthusiastic’ about having the chance to admire his body… In the right moment. She could hear the actor’s breath becoming more intense, it wasn’t his first time, but she supposed that after several adventures that was different… deeper. She knew and she could feel how much Daniel wanted her and mostly how much he respected her, but she’d make sure to give him the most beautiful night of his life. Helena kissed him again, slowly but passionately, after those hours spent keeping a physical detachment. The young man held her tight which made her dress lift a bit. The woman smiled at that ‘little incident’, taking the actor’s hands on her dress and encouraging him to remove it. Daniel didn’t need to ask twice and he started to remove slowly but promptly that piece of clothing. The vision in front of him took his breath away, the woman was wearing a combined black lace underwear, and his face blushed evidently. Helena surely didn’t see herself the same way Daniel did, but that gaze, that emotion in his facial expression made her feel more beautiful than she ever imagined.
“What? Sometimes I like to match!” She said to make him comfortable.
They both laughed at her joke, proceeding with those long-awaited passional cuddles. Their lips never stopped except for the need for air, the fire of passion that overwhelmed them inside the dressing room showed up again, taking them to fall into that king bed. The boy suddenly stopped his moves, kneeling in the bed and admiring the beautiful body of the woman he loved. After endless years he could touch every inch of her body, smooth and pale, from her cheeks to her ankles. The woman savored every second Daniel gave her, every touch, every look was fire for her. A fire she couldn’t fully understand, but it gave her an indescribable well-being. The woman stood up, looking inside the actor’s pupils. Respect, disbelief, joy… and a lot of love. That’s what she saw. She felt so grateful for those feelings that were screaming from every part of his body… and she wouldn’t have wasted time to share them with him.
The woman laid her eyes on his chest again, giving him small but intense kisses on it. The muscles of his body cramped to the feeling of those gestures, praying to the heavens they never stopped. A slight shiver went down his spine, catching the woman’s attention.
“Shhh…. Breathe.” She whispered on his skin, increasing the excitement inside the boy.
She didn’t neglect any part until she reached his lips once again. The hands of the actor laid on Helena’s cheeks which caused her a pleasant surprise. An innocent gesture but sweet and pure at the same time. The actress removed his pants while Daniel’s hands yearningly unhooked off the bra of the woman in front of him. The two actors found themselves completely naked after a few seconds, their bodies wrapped in a warm hug. Sensual hugs, erotic movements, hands in those parts of the bodies never revealed to the sun, and melodies composed by deep moans of pleasure. Daniel couldn’t imagine how wonderful it was to unite his body with the woman who stole his heart, a feeling that he couldn’t fantasize not even in his dreams and his deepest thoughts. He always defined her as the most beautiful woman in the world, but in that circumstance, during those incredible minutes of passion… she was wonderful.
Helena saw him as if in a trance, without any intention to stop that indescribable erotic act, seduced by her beauty and the inexplicable pleasure they were feeling.
“You’re…. Perfect….” He said with deep moans.
The woman wasn’t able to speak a word, overwhelmed by the euphoria those aphrodisiac acts were giving her. Her hands held his lower back, feeling a knot in her lower abdomen. The movements went faster, their kisses deeper… and the peak of pleasure filled their souls.
In the darkness of night and the glow of the moon, two naked bodies lay on an unmade bed but full of emotions. Two bodies who tasted their endless kisses and caresses.
Daniel always defined himself as a dreamer, but he gave up on the wish that he would have made love with the woman he madly loved for 15 years…. Until that day.
His palm softly touched the naked back of the woman while his irises got lost in the actress's facial features. He lost count of those times when he stayed there admiring her beauty, her elegance, her smile.
“You’re the most beautiful in the world.” He told her, breaking the silence that lasted for endless minutes. His compliment caused a slight laugh from the woman.
"I knew once you took off your famous Potterian glasses you’d go blind as a mole,” she said ironizing that beauty she couldn’t find in herself. The boy was particularly disappointed.
“Stop it, please…” he said, catching the woman’s gaze. “You’re amazing, you’re perfect. And you are the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Upon hearing these words, the woman did not dare to taunt herself; on the contrary, she was astonished by the devotion with which Daniel spoke those words. In her past relationships, there were never lacking comments of appreciation for r particular beauty and class, despite her extravagant and unique style. But Daniel had particular manners, adding the truth of his personality and transforming it into art. The woman brushed her cheeks, offering him a kiss of thanks. Helena placed her head on his chest as if it were the most comfortable pillow her head had ever leaned against, while the young man’s fingers gently rubbed the actress’s back where the skin felt like a thick layer of velvet.
"And by the way, you were particularly gifted with curls," Daniel said unexpectedly, causing her a loud laugh.
“You stupid" Helena replied with a smile, slightly hitting the actor’s arm.
The hours passed in those ways, between effusions and jokes, conversations and silences full of happiness, when at some point, in the first light of day, the actress' attention was captured by the bedside table beside Daniel. There was a book, a lamp, perfume and... The two photos that portrayed them. She was pleasantly surprised even though her young colleague had opened her heart with very few words, she would never have believed that she was so particularly present in his days even when they were not together. Her gaze remained fixed, slightly worrying the young man.
"What did you see?"
"You have... our photos on your bedside table," she said with a smile, causing a visible redness in his colleague’s cheeks.
"Oh... Yeah. Well, every time I come back and see them there... I know I’m home."
Helena looked at him again speechless, she always had the answer ready for any situation but Daniel had great power over her, she could not dispute it despite not seeing herself with the eyes with which he admired her, a set of expressions so pure and dazzling that they did not deserve to be belittled. She didn’t think she deserved it, but only God knew how much she loved hearing it. She crouched over him again, a big smile on his candid face.
"You make me feel like a Queen."
"You are a Queen," Daniel said with an impression of conviction, making the woman smile even more.
"I don’t have a crown," he ironed exultantly, then kissed the boy’s chest.
"I’ll buy it for you, though I don’t think there’s one worthy of you."
Helena, after the umpteenth praise of the colleague, rushed to kiss for the innumerable time the boy who did not waste time to reciprocate. She was overwhelmed with gratitude, emotion, and the inexplicable feeling that stretched more and more inside her. She didn’t want to wonder what it was, she believed that doing it would ruin the magic it gave her that day, she just wanted to enjoy it fully, every nuance of it.
Helena rose from that huge bed where passion reigned during the night, looking for clothing scattered in various corners of the room, smiling at the thought of what happened between them.
"I see you’ve made an effort to make my clothes disappear!" He said in a sarcastic tone but with his usual note of sweetness as she grabbed her underwear.
"In my defense, the dress is not my work! Otherwise well... it was a way not to get you out of bed." He said smiling with the woman, "Come on, come here..."
The actress looked at him, moved by the kindness and sweetness with which she asked him to give him more time in his arms. "I would love to, honey, but I can’t. Weekends are always the busiest days for me."
Daniel understood her needs, and he would never be allowed to contest them, but the thought of not being able to spend the entire hours of a common day with her without any kind of interruption plagued him bitterly. His gaze transmitted every single thought that crossed her psyche, and Helena felt it entirely.
"See you tomorrow... okay?" she asked, attempting to transfer even a modicum of comfort.
The actor nodded, grabbing his robe in his chair. He felt like an immature child feeling those emotions like a child being ordered to stop playing the new game because he had to go to sleep because that’s how he felt. He didn’t want to spend those 24 hours without her, even though everything they had lived until then filled his heart with a joy he didn’t think existed. But at the same time he didn’t mean to spoil the atmosphere with his 'whims', he knew it was only a matter of hours before he saw her again, so he walked her to the edge of that huge London loft.
They stared for the last time that day, and neither of them seemed intent on breaking eye contact.
"I’ll text you in the morning, time and place... okay?" she said.
"I will wait anxiously," he said, with a hint of trepidation in his tone.
The woman came up with a smile, then put a final kiss on the actor’s lips and walk away to her car. The boy, like the beautiful day they found themselves at the bar, waited for his vehicle to disappear from his sight and then close the door.
He leaned his back along it, completely overwhelmed by the set of events that occurred in the last hours. For the first time, the woman he loved in secret for 15 years was completely his, realizing all that until that day was only a desire, a forbidden dream, an unreachable vision. The touch of her lips, the taste of her kisses, her breaths while making love, their looks. She felt it, in his heart, he knew that Helena would never deceive him just for 'sorrow', he knew that under the provocative, ironic, and wise woman was hiding a woman who wished to be conquered. Her looks when he flooded her with praise and praise hid something, a wonderful thing.
The actor sank back into his bed, while those deep thoughts full of love, joy, and adrenaline made him fall into a deep sleep, impatient to arrive the next day when he would see his beloved.
But Helena unfortunately, despite the unquestionable joy that caused her the previous night, did not find herself face to face only with pleasant emotions. Guilt, anguish, insecurity, and self-loathing. This she felt. She had never been an easy person, and even more so she was not easily attracted. It had been a long time, perhaps too long since the last time she gave herself physically to someone because to make that extremely important gesture for her there had to be strong feelings, strong feelings. What happened then? She knew how much she cared about Daniel, she would never deceive him. But she was perfectly aware of how many acts of God would prevent a hypothetical relationship. The big age difference, the opinion of the people, the commitments that would keep them away from each other... the anguish that in the future he would no longer look at her as he did then. And everything would have been just a great illusion... but a perfect illusion. She could not involve him in something that might seem simple and magical but that was nothing more than a dream. These words resounded in her mind, forcing her to nail them in her psyche and, though bitterly, put them into practice.
Did she have to? Yes. Was she happy about it? Not.
Those negative reflections did not bring her even a hint of relief, for she was aware that that set of reflections was also an illusion.
Her purpose was nothing more than to delude himself that he did not feel more than Daniel felt for her, how he wanted to stifle the thought of having spent the most beautiful night of his life in which their bodies became one, the veneration that emanated the gaze of Daniel, the sweetness of his words. It terrified her. The more he loved her, the more she would want to get away. She had to. She knew it would be a succession of bitter looks every time she left, seeing his face darken more and more when she crossed the threshold of her house suffocated her. Only a child could have believed that they both expected a future made of roses and flowers, but she was not a child. She had to face reality, and that meant moving away again. So, impulsively and irrationally, she sent that message with the details of the meeting for that same evening, as she announced to him. She knew it would be impossible to utter those bloody words in person, but Daniel didn’t deserve such a cowardly gesture. No... Daniel didn’t deserve anything horrible. And she, at that moment, felt so horrible.
Daniel’s soul was bursting with joy, he would finally see her again. It had been 24 hours since they met in his apartment, but for him, it was as if a lifetime had passed.
He did not fully understand the reason for Helena’s appointment, a small park outside London, surrounded by nature and several rivers nearby. He probably cared about confidentiality, about low crowds, the actor thought. But he didn’t care, he would take any place to spend time with her, even at the top of Tower Bridge screaming to the world how much he loved her. He walked at a brisk pace towards the meeting point and, fortunately for him, she was waiting for him. Her back was supported by a tree trunk, and a small lake was just a few steps from her. Daniel smiled, speeding up the pace to reunite again with the woman he loved. Helena looked up, gloomy and gloomy, seeing the young man a few meters from her.
"Hey!" Daniel said and then hugged her in a warm embrace and gave her an instant kiss on her lips.
The actress felt even worse than she could feel, at that step, she would not be able to pronounce any kind of word. She nodded a smile, accompanied by a caress along his cheek. The actor looked at her perplexed, he could not understand why she had such a sad mood.
"What’s going on? Is everything okay?" he asked, doubtful.
The woman did not answer, she could not find the courage, as she had supposed. But she could not escape, or lie, she had to face that bitter truth. So she took the young man’s hands, holding them with great force.
"Darling... it’s not easy. But I know you’ll hate me after what I’m about to tell you."
"Don’t you dare think it, I could never hate you. Not now, not ever." The boy said sternly, in his heart, he had no idea that these statements only made Helena’s mood worse.
"Please let me speak," she said in a tone broken by sudden tears. She had never been a fragile person, she could never cry in front of someone, that reaction overwhelmed her... and also Daniel. The woman took a deep breath before she started.
"I... I don’t know what happened in these last hours. I can’t explain the volcano of emotions that have exploded inside me. But I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t want them if I told you you didn’t let me have the best night of my life. You were always my favorite guy on the set, and not just because you were the main character, but because you understood everything with a glance. From the trivial things like holding my coffee or giving me your blanket when it rained. I wanted to look at you and talk to you. And when I saw you again... I didn’t want to admit it, I didn’t want to face it... but I fell madly in love with you. And if I had the power, I wouldn’t let you go half a second."
She said it all in one breath, Daniel’s look was like petrified, he could scream with joy... but he knew that in what Helena was about to say there was nothing good. The woman resumed.
"But I know that these lives, our lives, are at our disadvantage. We can divert them, we can try to deal with them, but you also know that one day this dream that we have lived so far will turn into a nightmare. And I don’t want to, I don’t want to be the architect of your pain, Dan. It would kill me to see you suffer," she said amidst a thousand tears, "That’s why I had to face the biggest and most difficult decision I’ve ever made... letting you... go your way."
Daniel feared that one day, that damned day, would come. The woman, unfortunately, was right... but on her part. He would have gone against the rules of the Universe for her, squealed at the whole world as much as he loved her, and even changed jobs if she had asked him. But he wasn’t her. He didn’t have any children waiting for him at home, he didn’t have an eventful relationship behind him, he didn’t have the fame and respect that she had... she was Marla, she was Nellie, she was Julia, she was Bellatrix, she was the woman that everybody knew... and he, he thought, had only been lucky in the saga. She had to lose, so much to lose. He didn’t.
He knew the woman’s feelings were sincere, and they filled his soul, but he would never force her to do anything she didn’t want.
"I could never hate you, not even remotely." The boy started " The idea that this dream has already vanished makes my heart bleed... but you were always right about everything." He said with a smile, accompanied by a lonely tear, "I won’t contest you, I know it won’t do any good. But you know how it is... you know you love her when you let her go..."
(Listen to Rewrite the Stars by Zac Efron and Zendaya)
And the woman sank into his arms. She would have preferred a thousand insults, she would have preferred fights... but that little boy she saw growing up became one of the most mature men ever. She had no idea how she would live all that time without him... because of her.
Sobs, tears, blurred views, in each other’s arms.
Minutes, endless minutes in which neither of them found the courage to leave the other. But the weather did not play in their favor, surprising them with heavy rain. Their bodies, despite the reduced shelter of the oak above them, soaked together with the grass under their feet.
They looked at each other for what would be the last time, trying to penetrate their faces in their minds as long as possible.
"Will you leave?" said the young man, almost in a whisper, without ever interrupting that embrace.
The woman nodded, unable to pronounce half a syllable, due to that unbridgeable pain of love. Daniel would have wanted to say goodbye, one last time, the moment she left. But it would only bring further pain, masochism, and dismay. The woman was as if she had read his mind.
"No, please. I couldn’t stand it."
The actor nodded, squeezing her harder than in the previous moments. A squeeze that would loosen seconds later, when the woman with a sweetness that only she could emit, gave the actor one last kiss. They made it last as long as possible, to remember it in the darkest moments of their lives. They kindly broke off, exchanging the most discouraging smiles they had ever done.
"Goodbye baby," the woman whispered.
The boy hesitated, forcing a small smile. "Goodbye, my love..."
*You think it’s easy
You think I don’t want to run to you
But there are mountains
And there are doors that we can’t walk through
I know you’re wondering why because we’re Able to be
Just you and me within these walls
But when we go outside, you’re gonna wake up and see
That it was hopeless after all
No one can rewrite the stars
How can you say you’ll be mine?
Everything keeps us apart
And I’m not the one you were meant to find
It’s not up to you
It’s not up to me
When everyone tells us what we can be*
And they both took that road back, a road they could take together, to the end of their days. Their bodies, now at a good distance from each other, because of the deep emotional pain, slowly gave way in that wet grass. Millions of tears were mixed with that rainfall, but the regret, the inner defeat that caused that event was in no way comparable to the power of that deluge. They stood there, letting their bodies beat from those big drops, almost as if they deserved that pain. What would they do? How would they have lived? What would have colored their days?
Because their distance would take anything away... there would be no rainbow after the storm.
Two years later...
Florence. Helena was madly in love with that city. When life was overwhelming, nagging, and boisterous, she escaped from chaotic London to take refuge in one of the most historic cities in the world. In the last two years, she visited frequently, finding it difficult to spend her daily life in her hometown.
The last encounter between her and Daniel changed her life radically, and not for the better. What was previously daily and habitual became monotonous and forced, leading it to be more solitary and intolerant. All this since the guilt tormented her soul, the great regret of letting him go. For breaking his heart after she promised she’d do anything to make him feel the happiness he deserved. And this thought pursued her to her present day.
But she knew that it was too late, she knew that now the choices were decisive and, even with a bandaged heart, life had to go on. And dredging up the past would only bring her back to the plague. So she averted her gaze from the horizon from the window of his Florentine home, proposing a long walk through the Italian streets.
There were not frequent times when Helena was entertained by some fans, something she particularly appreciated, although her visits were not frequent in the months of greater tourism.
And in fact, that was certainly not the busiest period. However, as she walked through the streets of the old town, a particular gathering attracted her attention. She saw from a considerable distance what looked like a film set, between cameras and barriers.
It was just when she decided to approach that a group of young boys approached her for a group photo, to which she agreed with pleasure. Suddenly she had the idea of asking for information about the scene before her.
"Do you happen to know the reason for that confusion?" she said, indicating the location of the hypothetical set.
"They’re making a movie! From what we know, the main character is Daniel!" a girl said, enthusiastic. That name made the actress’s heart leap for a moment, but it certainly wasn’t him, she thought.
"Daniel? Daniel who?" she asked confused.
"Daniel Radcliffe! Your co-worker!” the boy said smiling.
Her blood was as if it had stopped flowing and so every other vital organ of hers had stopped functioning. She thought she was dreaming, that it was one of her tormented nightmares in which she would finally see him again and then wake up. Just like Daniel way before all those stuff changed their lives. She wished she could have stayed there, trying desperately to realize the words of that boy, but it would only have caused perplexity and ambiguity to those young strangers. So she had to put her emotions aside and forcibly return to reality.
"Wow! I didn’t know!" she said with a nervous laugh that she was also accompanied by that group of young people.
After thanking them and kindly signing some autographs out of gratitude, she decided with a certain impatience to approach more and more the place of the filming. She didn’t want them to see her, or the rest of the crowd, it would only cause more chaos. But above all, she had no intention of Daniel seeing her. Yes, she had regretted the choice taken two years earlier, but a simple appearance before him would only have distracted him from what he deserved: an impeccable acting career as he was. She would only look at him, admire him in all his beauty and elegance in what could have been a complete 1940s style, in secret. Her Daniel was there, between a smile and a word addressed to various technicians, amid laughter and argument. It was like an eternity had passed and despite being physically changed and grown up, she always saw that boy sitting in that bar on a rainy day.
It was an instant when the actor looked distractedly in her direction, alarming the woman internally. She wanted to escape, hide so that the actor’s pupils could only imagine finding her there. But her body was frozen, like a wax statue, with her heart that begged her to stay in the place where she was, so that she could finally respond to the vision of the one she loved more than any other man.
Two looks, chained together, almost like a vision. A vision that, unfortunately, vanished in a flash when a long vehicle intruded between the two human beings. Helena woke up from her daydream, concretizing what happened. She wasted no time and dissolved in the midst of one of the thousand Florentine alleys, bewildered by something that did not happen for years. The thrill of seeing him again.
He could have sworn he saw her, Daniel thought. That mass of people surrounded the historic center of Florence, something he had foreseen. And although it was common to look for that face among people, THE face of the woman who had never stopped loving from the first day, he never managed to feel her presence. Except for that day. For the first time in his life when reality called for his physical and mental presence, he felt her.... And he saw her. He knew he saw her. But a vehicle interrupted what could have been a vision, caused by the unbridgeable absence and lack that filled his soul. But in a flash, she was gone.
His heart froze again, after those brief moments of warmth, a heat that no longer belonged to him from that cursed day, the day when their paths parted.
His gaze wandered off into thin air, worrying the staff members.
"Daniel? You okay?" they asked him, bringing his attention to the present moment.
"Huh? Ah yes, everything’s fine... I’m just very tired! I didn’t get much sleep last night." He came up with an excuse that was always convenient.
"Take the day off, I see you out of focus. We’ll resume tomorrow," the director said.
Daniel thanked Heaven for this decision, he knew that after this event he would not be able to give his best, which was usually imposed.
Therefore, he had no intention of returning to his hotel room, on the contrary, he would have done anything to reveal this damned unknown.
He did not forget what they had promised, he did not forget that they should not be reunited. But he also didn’t forget that, beyond all that went against their relationship, their hearts were beating for each other. Everything that existed between them, even if for a little while, was more real than any other moment in their lives. And it wouldn’t have mattered to them if they had to face 100 days of battles, a single day of peace would still be worth it. And if it was her, if she was there, she would have found her.
He wandered through streets and alleys in search of something unknown, of a presence, of someone who accidentally pronounced his name, of yet another vision. But even though he had never ceased this search for the whole day, his conclusions were not positive. Of Helena, not even the shadow.
The evening came, the sun said farewell for that day, and so also the light of hope that was kindled in Daniel. It was known that hope is always the last to die in anyone’s heart, and Daniel was the concrete proof, but the set of failures that carried him deep into his soul led him to the edge of skepticism. So he found himself admiring an enviable night view, stopping on Ponte Vecchio... and a lonely tear to keep him company.
It had been almost 10 years since Helena held a cat in her arms when she posed for the cover of Bazaar magazine. He was not her favorite animal, she had always looked after animals like dogs and rabbits, but what was common at the time changed radically.
She wandered between bars and clubs, but one, in particular, caught her attention: a cat bar.
Frankly, no site was really 'safe', she knew Daniel. She knew that his hopes would hang in that hypothetical vision and nothing would stop him from looking for her. But that mood that haunted her for 2 years did not fade. After all the pain she caused him after having given him the night he had been waiting for too many years and having vanished in a flash because of his cowardice to love again... With what courage would she have come again?
Yet, deep down, it was nothing more than her most ardent desire. To get lost in his arms again, to feel that impetuous protection again, and to fall in love with his smiles and his love every second. And it was in those moments that she did not recognize herself, she who had always been free of fears and insecurities, the first to fight against remorse and to live life to the full. And the second chance, the most extraordinary, that life was giving her was right there in front of her.
She glanced at the feline lying between her legs, who glanced at the old town beyond the window.
It was almost night, the actress consumed her day away from the eyes of others, especially from a couple, yet that feeling of unfulfilled seemed not to want to fade. But deep, deep down, she knew that nothing and no one could find a solution but herself. She would have been destined to live a half-life, unhappy, deluded of short satisfactions.
Her reflections were interrupted by a vibration of her cell phone, revealing her son’s name. She smiled at the thought, mentally traveling about when her beloved children were young and innocent... and how much time had passed. It retraces her life, her career, her travels... and all the extravagances she made throughout her life. There were not many people in her life who fully understood her being, she had always struggled to be herself and how original that was... and one of those who loved it was Daniel.
It was an instant, in which one of the greatest revelations appeared to her in front of her pupils. Yeah, Daniel still had a lot, a lot to live for, but living the lie of being able to spend the rest of her life without him... she would never accept it.
She stood up, giving a last caress to the feline, and ran with a solicitude she was not even aware of. She didn’t know where she was going, but it was like deep down she knew where she was going to find him. She ran, she went around all kinds of angles... and found herself in front of one of the most stratospheric places, most envied of Florence: Ponte Vecchio. Around her the silence and... her goal.
Daniel’s tears mingled with the river below, realizing how much his love, his devotion to Helena led him to see his figure... even in his absence.
And despite the hopes they were as if dissolved, he seemed to feel her presence again.
"Hi, Daniel..."
(listen to Rewrite The Stars by Zac Efron and Zendaya)
*All I want is to fly with you
All I want is to fall with you
So just give me all of you
It feels impossible (It’s not impossible)
Is it impossible?
Say that it’s possible*
The young man turned instantly and, just like that wonderful day in that London bar, the only woman he loved with all his heart was there, in front of him. No vision, no dream... just pure, beautiful reality. The woman smiled and recognized that look, it was the same as the first time they met two years before. Shy, bewildered, incredulous. That’s when she realized how much she missed that young man, his own, and everything she had to do with him. The actress approached more and more, impatient to be able to touch again his arts, his cheeks covered by that beard cured, to sink in his indescribable hugs.
The actor’s breaths stopped for short seconds when finally his palms could touch his favorite skin, trembling with ineffable joy and terrified that once again his eyes would deceive him.
"Is that you?" he said in an almost inaudible tone.
The woman’s lips drew what was the most sincere smile ever.
"Yes, it’s me," she reassured, touching his head.
Their bodies united after too long in a magical embrace, uniting what had been divided for years and recomposing the pieces of two chipped hearts into one. All that was sadness became pure joy, all that was lack became a union, all that was confusion... It became a certainty. There would be no more hesitation and fear, but only two human beings who would also go against the laws of the Universe to crown that feeling that could move mountains.
Finally, their faces, a few inches apart, joined together. Forehead against forehead, hand in hand, breaths slightly labored. They were one again.
"It won’t be easy... you know." the woman said.
"I don’t care, the world might fall from my feet... as long as we’re together." Said the boy, two chocolate brown eyes were lost in the irises of the actor "Please... stay with me".
Only then did the woman realize all that she lost, that she wasted in those last two years of delay and apprehension. She was yes, a woman who loved madness, but the biggest and craziest madness she could do was let go of the beautiful, wonderful man in front of her. She finally realized that from that moment on, she wouldn’t lose him again.
"Always." She replied, and then later framed that breathtaking view with the most romantic, poetic, and passionate kiss that had ever been exchanged in those years.
Neither of them would have fallen apart that night. The most coveted, most desired kiss turned into a passionate night, an idyllic atmosphere that emanated everything that was deprived for all that time.
A thousand flying lanterns illuminated the night sky, unknowingly celebrating the birth of something that was born years ago, but was finally revealed only that evening: the birth of a long and true love.
*And how do we rewrite the stars?
Say you were made to be mine
And nothing can keep us apart
'Cause you are the one I was meant to find
It’s up to you, and it’s up to me
No one could say what we get to be
And why don’t we rewrite the stars?
Changing the world to be ours*
The End.