The boy next door
When Sirius first met James, he thought he was weird.
He was constantly talking, reading or just being a bit annoying.
They were eight when they met in that library and Sirius’ life was not the same.
Sirius hated his family. Well, not his whole family, he had no issues with his brother, but his little brother was a topic Sirius rarely spoke about.
His mother was the main issue and his father was just adding up shit to be mad and upset about.
While growing up, every child needs a loving hand, support, goodnight stories, and words of affirmation.
Sirius didn’t have that at home so he began looking for it in other places.
He found it at the Potter’s house. He has never felt more welcome somewhere that the day he visited James for the first time. It was a few months after they first met and it was quite an experience.
“James, are you sure your parents are okay with me coming? I don’t want them to be mad.” He has met James’ parents before and they were always so nice to him, he didn’t want to risk losing that.
James just looked at him and rolled his eyes. “Sirius, how many times do I have to tell you? They invited you, not me. Don’t get me wrong, I love that you’re here but I had to clean up my whole room for your visit. Can you tell my mum you don’t mind that my bed is undone when you’re here? Besides,” They arrived and Sirius’s heart was beating like crazy. He really didn’t want to screw this up. “They already love
you. Don’t even worry about it.”
That gave Sirius a bit of confidence he was missing to walk into the living room where Euphenia and Fleamont were waiting for them.
“Hey Mom, hey Dad, we’re here. We’ll be in my room, call me if you need anything. Bye Mom, bye Dad.” With that, James was already on the stairs that led to his room. Sirius could hear Fleamont chuckling lightly and he quickly followed his best friend to his room.
He stayed at the Potters the whole day and he felt a familiar heaviness in his stomach when he had to go back home.
As soon as he saw his house, he began replaying the day. Had he done anything wrong, giving his mom a reason to be mad? He didn’t think so. Still, with her, you never know what mood she’s in. She could be laughing and smiling one second and being cold and harsh the second. It was a constant rollercoaster of guessing her mood and tiptoeing around her not to upset the anger outbursts that could happen any second.
It was draining for a child. Sometimes it seemed like Sirius was the adult and his mom was the spoiled brat he had to take care of.
It just got worse as he got older.
His mother expected him to watch for his siblings, he basically raised them all on his own.
Well not all of them.
He raised his little brother.
The only member of his family he still misses.
But his dear brother made it clear he does not want to have anything with Sirius.
Anyways, back to the story.
When Sirius was 15, his mother completely discharged her duties as their mother. Sirius’ father was out of the picture for a long time.
They weren’t divorced or anything but sometimes it seemed like they should be.
As soon as Sirius learned he was allowed to spend the majority of his time at the Potters’ he did.
He did and he never looked back.
He went to college and he never returned home after that. College was an interesting experience for Sirius.
James was there with him through the whole thing and he learned quite a few things about himself on that journey.
He learned he despised pineapple and passionfruit, he was allergic to bee stings and he liked boys.
Nothing wrong with anything of that (he did get upset about the Pinaple one since his and James’ biggest argument was whether Pinaple belongs on pizza or not. James always won since he had the unmistakable advantage of actually knowing how it tastes).
It came as no big surprise when he found out about his tendencies toward boys instead of girls.
If you think about it, even in school he always preferred the young history teacher whom he still had an unhealthy obsession with) over the English teacher everyone loved (she was actually a bitch). James helped him with the discovery of course.
Not on that way, you nasties.
He just talked him through his feelings, made him feel like it was totally normal and nothing to be ashamed about. It was like that with James, no matter what you did or how you felt he was there to make you feel good.
Sirius wondered if it ever gets draining.
In some ways, James was sort of a therapist to all their friends. He always just listened, holding the weight of other people’s burdens and never making them feel bad for it. It seemed like he took the weight off their shoulders and put in on his own.
Everyone adored him for it, of course, he deserves all the adoration he gets but Sirius sometimes felt like a bad person for not being like him. This particular thing was the object of many of their fights, usually the biggest ones.
The first big fight happened when Sirius moved away from his family. James didn’t know how bad Sirius felt for leaving his little brother behind, I mean how could he know, he had no idea Sirius even had a brother. He was crying and weeping and James dared to act like he knows how he felt.
“I know this sucks, I know how you feel but I promise it’s going to get better. Maybe you shout just talk to your family, let them know how you feel and maybe they will be more understanding?”
Sirius still doesn’t forgive himself for some of the words he spoke that night, and no matter how many times he apologized, he knows James took it to heart. He never did say he knows how Sirius feels after that. Neither did he ask about his family or give him advice.
“Oh, shut up James. Don’t sit there and tell me you know how I feel when you don’t even have siblings! James, you don’t know how I feel and you never will. Tell me, have you ever been sad because of something? You have everything you could ask for; your parents love you; you have never had anything bad happen to you. But one day someone or something will happen and you’ll be shattered because of it and I’ll sit next to you and tell you I know how you feel. You have no right to say that and I’d appreciate it if you would fuck off right now.” As soon as the words escaped Sirius’s mouth, he was sorry. He was so sorry. The hurt on James’ face cut him like a knife and the worst thing was that James said nothing.
Sirius had begged him to snap back, to say anything, but he didn’t. He got up and left the room.
It wasn’t that much of a fight as it was them ignoring each other (Sirius was ignoring James and James was simply giving him the space he was asking for.)
Later, he apologized, he said he was sorry and that he didn’t mean it. James said it was okay but it wasn’t. Both of them knew it wasn’t.
Still, there was nothing to be done about it now.
Their friendship didn’t grow weaker, they didn’t grow apart and with time, they both forgot the fight. It was like it never happened.
At least that’s what Sirius tells himself when he sees James’ face fall whenever Sirius mentions his family or tells him some memories about them.
Anyway, it really doesn’t matter now. Especially not in this moment, when James is the happiest he has ever been.
He just bought a bookshop; he is a qualified book editor and he’s basically living the dream.
Sirius loves helping him he would move the Moon if James wanted him to but if he has to listen to another word about some book his friend is reading, he might kill himself.
Of course, he would never tell him that. Usually, he would make up an excuse, something among the lines of having to sleep in because he needs his beauty sleep if he ever wants to become a dilf (the moment Sirius learned what that word meant it was over for everyone else. He was using it at least 3 times a day in the most inappropriate of situations). He would tell him he needs to walk the neighbour’s dog ( that was a bad one because James loved dogs and he always insisted Sirius introduces them. His neighbour didn’t have a dog and you can see how that is an issue). Today though, he didn’t feel like
doing any of this thing.
He simply told James he is going for a coffee. And he did.
There was this lovely little cafe next door and ever since he saw that good-looking guy enter it he was dying to go.
I guess today is his lucky day.
As soon as he stepped into the cafe he was greeted with the familiar smell of coffee. He loved it.
For some reason unknown to Mankind, he was just expecting the handsome guy to just appear out of thin air and he was oddly disappointed when that didn’t happen.
Sulking, he walked over to the front, ready to order his drink.
A nice lady with red hair was the cashier and since the line of people waiting was pretty long, it was weird there was only one employee.
Sirius began disliking the café more and more because a.) nobody paid him any attention, nobody was even talking to him and b.) the handsome man was not there. He was planning on simply leaving and returning some other day when he heard the girl call out.
“Remus, can you give me a hand, there are quite a lot of people in the line.” She looked Sirius straight in the eye and continued talking. “Sir in the black jacket, you can come here, Remus will take your order.”
Great, Sirius though. This is the last thing he needs right now. He just wants to leave back home.
But oh no. Destiny is a bitch. He was feeling kind of grateful for it actually.
Because as it turns out, Remus is the handsome man he saw leaving James’ bookshop. And he works here! Quite literally 10 meters away from where Sirius has been spending every day for the past month.
Oh, he is going to murder James once this is over.
Remus was the prettiest person Sirius has ever seen.
And when I tell you he’s not joking I mean it. He was willing to start barking for this man in a public space. No shame whatsoever.
“Hey, my name is Remus, and I’ll take your order when you’re ready to tell me what you want.” Remus flashed Sirius a quick smile and Sirius actually died and came back to life at that exact moment.
“Oh, hi um yeah sure, I’ll get coffee.”
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Sirius was stumbling over his words like some hormonal teenager who was having his first interaction with his first crush. He really needs to pull himself together.
“Okay. You are aware this is a coffee shop, so we do sell multiple different coffees, do you have anything you would prefer?”
Yeah, now he was just making a fool of himself. Sirius was so glad James was not here because if he was, this interaction alone would give James a lifetime supply of teasing material and I’m pretty sure Sirius would not survive that.
“Yeah um, sorry, I’ll have a caramel macchiato, please.” He managed to sound pretty normal which is absurd since he was everything but that.
“Oh, I know you! You own that bookshop next door, don’t you? I’m constantly seeing you guys around! I was there a couple of times and it’s so wonderful. Here, this is one the house, take anything you’d like.”
Sirius was sure that at some time his brain was full of rather sophisticated phrases and words, however, at that moment it was empty. Literal pitch darkness.
When he did finally manage to speak it sounded normal and chill. Because he was so normal and chilled.
“Oh yeah, well I don’t actually own it. That’s James, he’s the owner, I just help him around you know. I’m not the biggest reader myself but that’s how we met and I can’t really say no to him so, you know, I tend to stick around.” Of course, Sirius didn’t think that might sound weird to someone who had no idea about the nature of their relationship.
“Oh, you two are the sweetest. So, can I get you anything for James? I saw him this morning and he looked like he needed some coffee. No offense of course.” Remus was all kind eyes and a big smile and
Sirius could talk with him forever.
“None taken. I actually agree with you. He does look rough lately but it’s nothing to be worried about. He doesn’t drink coffee though, he’s more of a tea guy.” Without even knowing it Sirius was digging himself his grave.
Remus just smiled before answering. “Well, I’m glad I finally got to meet his better half, I’ll get you macchiato ready, you’ll just have to wait a few minutes.” With that, he turned around and disappeared behind the counter.
The moment the realization hit Sirius he thought the best solution is to jump into oncoming traffic.
How could he be so stupid?
Does Remus think he and James are dating? Which is just no, it’s disgusting. It was like being with his brother. Just like that, he ruined his chances with Remus. Even if he tries to explain the situation Remus could think he’s just lying, or maybe he’ll think he’s trying to cheat on James which he would never do. Not that it counts as cheating since they are not together, but still. It could be seen that way.
He got into his head and he didn’t even notice Remus returning with his coffee.
Because Sirius is not the smartest person when he is under stress, he said the first thing that popped into his mind.
James will have his neck for it but you know what? You only live once.
“I’m so sorry, I just remembered, James’ boyfriend was coming in today, would you mind making him an espresso, please? I’m so sorry, I totally forgot about it.”
The look of confusion on Remus’ face was honestly priceless.
“James’ boyfriend? But I thought you guys… Wait, you and James are not dating?”
Thank the gods and the universe, Sirius Black is back in the game.
“What no, of course not. He’s dating and I’m still looking for the right one. We’re friends.”
He kind of felt bad for lying to Remus but it’s better than him thinking they’re daring. Right?
“Oh god, I’m so sorry for assuming. Yeah, I’ll make the coffee right away.” He disappeared again. Leaving Sirius to his mastermind plan.
When he returned, he was holding two cups in his hand. He smiled before handing them to Sirius.
“You never told me your name, so I didn’t write anything on it. Sorry again about that earlier.” Remus genuinely looked like he was sorry and it made Sirius feel so bad.
“Oh, don’t even worry about it. It happens all the time really. Also, my name is Sirius you know like-“
“Like the dog star, right?”
And Sirius was a gone man. No one ever knew that before. It made him feel all tingly on the inside.
He wanted to answer when he was rudely interrupted.
“Remus, there’s like 10 more customers can you take your little date somewhere else please?”
Sirius has ever blushed quicker in his whole life, he looked to the floor and grabbed his coffee before quickly making his way out.
“Bye Sirius, see you around!” Remus yelled to his back to which he replied with a wild grin and a thumbs up.
Honestly, this day could not get any better. That was until he remembered he has to tell James he has a boyfriend.
He walked into the store full of confidence, I mean what you could do wrong? It was just an innocent little lie. An illusion of words really. Nothing major.
Oh god, he’s going to die.
“Hey Jamie man, my best friend forever, the light and love of my life, how are you doing on this splendid afternoon?”
When Sirius was nervous, he began ranting and James spend enough time with him to know that.
“Sirius, what did you do?” He asked, curiosity lingering in his voice.
“Nothing.” Sirius waited for a good three seconds before speaking again. “Imighttoldremusyouhaveaboyfrien.” And the secret was out. Good talk, now he can go home.
“What? I told you not to speak so fast, I can’t understand a word you said.”
“I might have told Remus you have a boyfriend. But, before you get mad, yes, I’m sorry I lied to him and yes, I do have a good reason. James, he thought we were dating. I know I’m a catch and you want me all for yourself, but at least let me know the next time.” He joked trying to ease the tension. He was genuinely scared of James’ reaction. What if he loses his shit? Not that that has ever happened but it could.
James looked at him for a few minutes before throwing his head back in laughter.
“Sirius you are something special. Why didn’t you just tell him we’re friends? Also, I’m glad you two met, honestly, it was about time.” He just continues with his work.
And this was it. The thing that made Sirius adore James. He always put other people’s needs in front of himself. As annoying as it was, it was also really sweet.
“Oh, well thank you then. Can you cover for me if he ever asks about your boyfriend?”
He felt the relief floating in his body because James was not mad (that was the only reason, it was totally not the fact that he was convinced he can ask Remus out now and he would say yes).
“Yeah sure man. Look I have loads of things to do, we can go for dinner once I finish okay?”
This was all Sirius needed in life. A dashing young man he could like, a supportive best friend who invites him for dinner, and that warm feeling that was spreading through his body with his words.
“Yeah, of course, Jamie. Anything for you.”
Life was good.