The battle at the ministry was more grueling than anyone thought it was going to be. As far as they could see there was only one pair that was still battling. Sirius ducked Bellatrix's jet of red light: he was laughing at her. Of course he was, that’s just how Sirius has always been.
“Come on, you can do better than that!” he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.
The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.
The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.
Everything started moving in slow motion. It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall: his body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backwards through the ragged veil hanging from the arch.
Fear mixed with surprise that riddled Sirius’s face, his face that was once handsome as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil type thing, which seemed to flutter for a moment as though it was caught in the wind, and then promptly fell back into place.
Sirius opened his eyes not knowing what just happened, and looked into familiar blue eyes.
“James?” Sirius asked not sure if he was still looking at Harry or if he was actually seeing James.
James smiled before saying, “Hello Padfoot. It’s been a while.”
A smile broke across Sirius’s face as wrapped his best friend up in a hug.
Sirius pulled back after a few seconds after the realization hit him.
“Does that mean—” he couldn’t finish the sentence.
James nodded. “Yes you died in the battle at the ministry.”
Sirius couldn’t help but fall to his knees and start sobbing. James crouched down and placed a hand on his back.
“I’m sorry I failed to protect him,” Sirius said between sobs.
James squeezed his shoulder a little, “Sirius my son is alive. That’s all that matters. It’s not your fault that you weren’t able to be there for him.”
Sirius knew what his friend was saying was true, but he still felt like he had failed James and Lily. He was supposed to be the one to raise Harry if anything ever happened to them. And if something happened to him then it was supposed to be Remus. But none of that had happened because Dumbledore allowed Sirius to be blamed for James and Lily’s deaths, and be put in Azkaban with no trial. Dumbledore made sure Harry went to the Dursleys instead of Remus, even though he knew they were terrible people. Dumbledore allowed Harry to stay in the abusive environment that he grew up in because having Harry anywhere else would’ve interfered with Dumbledore’s grand plan. Dumbledore even made sure that Harry and others were kept in the dark about things until they absolutely had to know.
We’ll look where that got them. Harry rushing into the ministry with his friends, all because he thought Sirius was in danger and they were running out of time. Sirius battling Bellatrix, and ending up dead.
Harry was supposed to come live with me, Sirius thinks and starts sobbing even more.
“Come on,” James says after a few minutes. “I bet Lily is waiting.”
Sirius nods and composes himself a little before standing up. They walk for a few minutes, and Sirius stops when he sees the familiar exterior of the Potter’s house in Godric’s hollow.
It takes him a moment to adjust to seeing the place, but James patiently waits on him. Sirius is grateful for his best friend because this is all a lot to take in.
James opens the door letting Sirius in. Lily comes from the kitchen and runs to Sirius throwing her arms around him.
Sirius breaks down crying all over again.
“I’m sorry Lily,” he sobs into her shoulder.
Lily holds him tight saying soothingly, “It’s ok Sirius.”
“It’s my fault. I should’ve never given up being your secret keeper.”
“Don’t you dare say things like that Sirius Black,” Lily hugs him tighter. “None of us could have known that Peter would do that to us. We knew where you were coming from with wanting to change our secret keeper. You were just trying to keep me, James, and Harry safe.”
Sirius nods into her shoulder while still crying a little.
“I wasn’t there for Harry,” he says dejectedly after a minute.
James places his hand on Sirius’s shoulder, and replies, “You escaped Azkaban to try and kill the man that betrayed us. And then you offered to let my son stay with you. You were there for him more than you realize.”
It would take a while for Sirius to really stop blaming himself for everything that had happened in the last fifteen years, but he would eventually stop saying these kinds of things. Eventually Sirius would learn that James and Lily didn’t blame him for anything, they were just happy that Harry was still alive. In their minds everything was worth it since Harry got to live his life.
Once Lily and Sirius broke from their hug Lily invited Sirius to come sit down with them so they could all catch up.
Sirius learns that his friends had been watching him for the past fifteen years, along with Remus and Harry. He feels like crying all over again.
Eventually Sirius is able to talk to his friends without breaking down every few seconds, and soon they were trading stories like the old times.
“Can you believe that my son said that I didn’t strut?” James asks disbelievingly. “I sure as hell did strut and I proudly did it.”
Sirius and Lily were laughing, because they knew it was true. James strutted and he really did know he did.
The front door opened and someone rushed in saying, “James, Lily did you hear?”
Sirius stopped, he knew that voice.
Sirius turned and saw his baby brother standing there. Quickly he stood up.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Sirius asked Regulus.
Regulus stood there a second a little uneasy.
“I’m here to make sure my friends know that you died,” Regulus replies.
“Your friends! When the hell did they become your friends?” Sirius yells at his brother.
“After they died!” Regulus yells back.
Sirius was fuming. Here was his death eater brother pretending to be chummy with his best friends. Regulus had chosen his side a long time ago.
James stepped up between them holding his hands out to either of them. “Sirius I think you should let Reg talk before you start jumping to conclusions.”
What was James talking about? There was nothing that Sirius would want to hear from his brother. As far as he was concerned Regulus hasn’t been his brother for a very long time. Regulus stopped being his brother the moment he took the dark mark.
“Sirius, I really think you should let him talk,” Lily added.
“What could he have to say?” Sirius asked.
“Why don’t you let me talk?” Regulus snarked.
Sirius rolled his eyes at his brother. “I will give you five minutes. After that I can’t promise that I will listen to anything else you say.”
Apparently that was good enough for Regulus, because he started to talk.
“I knew I had made a grave mistake the moment I took the dark mark.” Regulus said. “I had been having doubts up until then for a while, but that really did it for me.”
Sirius couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“You died a coward's death,” he said to Regulus. “You drowned yourself.”
“You don’t know the whole story,” Regulus replied, irritation starting to leak out.
Sirius scoffed, “I know enough.”
“Clearly not.”
James and Lily pass a look between each other, and Sirius catches the tail end of it.
“What was that look for?” he asks.
James sighs, “Look, we love you Sirius, but you really don’t know the whole story.”
Sirius reels back a little. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You can just be so stubborn sometimes Sirius,” Lily answers. “And you are so stuck in your ways. But trust us when we say that you really need to hear Reg out, completely.”
Sirius couldn’t believe that his best friends were ganging up on him, and taking sides with his little brother.
Sirius stood there in silence for a few minutes before finally agreeing to hear Regulus out completely.
Whatever Reggie has to say I don’t have to believe him, Sirius thinks.
Regulus takes a deep breath to start explaining.
“Sirius, I know that after you left for Hogwarts our relationship was never the same again. And that is partially my fault for blaming you for leaving me. But I know now that you really did try and get me out of there, I was just too stubborn to listen to you.”
“You hated me,” Sirius whispers.
“No I didn’t,” Reg replies. “I just hated the fact that you were able to get out of that awful house, and get away from the family.”
Sirius looks at his brother, and sees that he’s telling the truth. It breaks Sirius’s heart all over again, because growing up he always blamed himself for not saving Regulus when he had the chance.
“It’s my fault,” Sirius says.
“Don’t you dare go and take all the blame,” Regulus says. “I didn’t listen to you because of my resentment. So I am to blame as well.
“After you left mother basically brainwashed me. You know how she was. The second you weren’t there to protect me from her anymore she made sure to turn me on you. I hated her for that. She took the one good thing in my life away from me.”
Sirius was trying to keep the tears in. He knew what his mother was like, but he had no idea the lengths that Walburga went to make sure that Regulus didn’t turn out like him.
Regulus continued. “When we got the letter that you had been sorted into Gryffindor, I was secretly relieved that you could get away. But Sirius she gripped her claws into me, and saw how I truly felt towards you. Without you there to protect me anymore all of mother’s wrath was turned to me. The punishments would get worse. So I had to stay in line, otherwise I would feel her wrath.”
“I-I’m so sorry Reggie,” Sirius chokes out. “I never wanted that to happen to you.”
Regulus nods. “I know. When I got to Hogwarts the next year, I truly wanted to join you in Gryffindor, but I was deathly afraid of what mother would do to me if I did. So I showed the hat what she had done and told it that I didn’t want that happening again, so it placed me in Slytherin.”
“That bitch,” Sirius says under his breath.
“The look on your face when the hat announced I was going to Slytherin, it shattered me Sirius. But I couldn’t live my life in constant fear, so I became the perfect son for mother and father. I did everything that I was supposed to, and I did everything that they wanted of me.
“Sirius, they brainwashed me into believing that Voldemort and his followers were going to help the wizarding world. I started to go to death eater meetings with them, and soon enough I had the trust of Voldemort. I couldn’t freely think around any of them, otherwise I would be Crucioed or I would be dead.
“I learned occlumency, but it didn’t help until the end. Everyday I feared for my life. The deeper I got the more I realized that it was all a mistake, and I had to find a way out. The moment that I took that mark, I realized that I had made the gravest mistake of my life and there would be no coming back from it.”
Regulus paused for a moment, and looked at Sirius.
Sirius knew that his parents were bad, but he never really realized the extent of it. Sirius now knows how lucky he was to get out of that wretched house when he had the chance. And he doesn’t regret leaving, the only thing he regrets is not taking Regulus with him, or trying harder to get him out.
Reg takes a breath to continue. “I learned about Voldemort’s weakness. A thing called a horcrux. It allowed him to place a piece of his soul into something after he had killed someone. I figured that since I couldn’t leave the death eaters without facing death, I could take Voldemort down from the inside.
“I found out about one of the horcruxes—at the time I thought there was only the one, but I was wrong. You said that I drowned myself, well that’s only half true. I went to capture the one horcrux that I knew about, it was Salazar Slytherin’s locket. It was in the middle of a cave surrounded by a lake filled with inferi. They didn’t bother me until after I drank the liquid that was keeping the locket safe. It took all I had to tell Kreature to take the locket before I was pulled under.”
Sirius couldn’t keep the tears back anymore. He walked over to his brother, and placed his hands on his shoulders.
Regulus looked into his brother’s eyes. “I died thinking that you hated me.”
“I never hated you,” Sirius says barely above a whisper. “I hated the person I thought you became, but I truly never hated you Regulus.”
Regulus started to cry, and Sirius pulled him into a tight hug.
“I died thinking that you were a death eater that chickened out in the end,” Sirius said into Regulus’s shoulder. “But look at you, you really are the heart of the lion.”
Regulus let out a small laugh.
From behind them they could hear sniffling. Sirius and Regulus pulled out of the hug to see both James and Lily crying a little. Sirius threw an arm around Reg, smiled at his friends, and held up his other arm to allow them to come hug them.
In the end Sirius was glad that he allowed Regulus to talk. If he hadn’t he would’ve gone on forever thinking that Regulus was a death eater that got cold feet when times got tough. He wouldn’t say it out loud but after hearing Reggie’s story, Sirius truly believes that his brother is one of the bravest people he knows.
This Slytherin is a true Gryffindor, Sirius thinks as he holds his brother and his best friends.