Summer mornings after storms
Albus pov:
*Present day*
“111…112…” sweats dribbling down my neck as I push myself for more, trying to numb out everything that I might feel if I stop. It feels like my joints are going to give out and that means I have to halt, take a breath, and feel things I don’t want to and even the thought of it makes me feel even constrained. My stomach is cramping from all the pressure, my hands might give out any moment, and my head feels like a fucking ton probably because of the hangover, but my mind keeps saying ‘go. go. go, don’t stop. Don’t let the feelings creep in, don’t let her see how weak she’s made you. ‘Push it all out’ so I pull through all the bleakness, without a single thought in my head. It's almost like getting high, without no drugs, you lose your subconscious either way and your body and mind are so out of sync you don’t even know what you are doing, you don’t know what you are feeling. It's like living in a blur making sense out of nothing and when you try to get out of it, you will somehow know that you don’t want to and precariously continue doing the same thing again and
again…………………………………………………………………………………………slowly it becomes a cycle, cause one moment you are in the verge of tears and the next moment the tears trickle back into your eyes causing it to sting from all the saltiness. The burning sensation then becomes a full wrung-out vibration throughout your entire body so much so that everywhere gets numb from the pain, that desperately at some point you just want somebody to intervene and break your trance and pull you back to reality because you just can’t take it any longer…..but nobody ever comes…never the one to break me out of my trance, and stop all my pushing and pull me to themselves to reality.
Is this where I pass out?
*Knock, Knock*
The door opens and a small beam of light makes its way through the darkness and immediately disappears, confirming that the door had been shut, it was probably James or Lily checking if I was still alive, I rest my head on the floor, the instant coolness of the marble penetrating my cheek. I pull my knees closer, wrapping my arms around, my fingers clutching the denim I was wearing.
All I wanted was to somehow stop myself from flaking out until I lost myself and some disturbing thought keeps saying the moment is getting closer and closer. The voice in my head is growing louder and louder, distorting all my rationality, it's like I'm losing control and my senses are being overpowered, I want it to stop. STOP. No…I need it to stop, tears fall relentlessly, my breathing becomes haggard and everything is absolutely beyond my ability to reason with. Stop. It hurts. Please. Please stop. My lungs are burning worse than ever, there’s no air entering my body it's like I might collapse. It feels as if my ribs are growing out of my body and my ribcage might shatter any minute. Give up Al, it's over. Don’t fight it. just give in. Let it sink. Let yourself drown. That’s it. You're doing so well. Let go completely.
No one’s going to come for you…
Warm fingers graze my chest beneath my unbuttoned shirt, it hovers over my rapidly palpitating heart and delicately press against it, slowing my heartbeat gradually so carefully that I don’t even notice that I'm aching so much for that single touch. One That makes me breathe again, one that calms my soul even when the light in my eyes is about to go out, this single touch that could set it alight all over again. Every single graze on my skin pushes tangible comfort into my bloodstream, running throughout my whole entity. It pushes every sense of doubt, worry, and second thought out of the entire damn universe. I would recognize this touch even if my presence was immolated. But never did I realize that this touch would be so important, and become my lifeline. Because right now I’m utterly certain that I can't live without these lurid grazes.
I lift my hand and place it above the one over my heart, even the slightest caress feels electrifying like the one that sends your insides tingling. Has it always been like this? Have I gotten everything all wrong up until now, because whatever was happening right now feels like the most right thing to ever happen in my entire life, it's almost like uncovering a part of my life that’s been waiting to take place, like a canon event that I've wished for in all my lives.
I slowly thread our fingers beneath my shirt, sensing the rhythmic beating on my skin. A semblance of the familiar warmth rests against my back as a firm hand wraps around my waist pulling me further in and out of all my misery. Silky softness brushes the crook of my neck as I realize our proximity. I feel the rhythmic contractions and relaxations of his heart synching with mine. I'm so euphoric that I want to die because honestly, this is the last thing I want to feel, the last thing I want to remember. Because this would be the most beautiful, soul-wrenching mistake I would ever make if I go further and I know I would rather choose to lose myself, instead of him….
Scorpius Pov;
I open my eyes as the sunlight blinds me time and again, I try to move but I’m stiff all over. My back feels numb and sore from the marble as I recollect what happened last, I remember Al’s breakdown and when I glance down, I notice a peacefully sleeping Al, with tear-stained cheeks, resting on my bicep and his legs wrapped over my thigh. There’s a sudden pang in my chest for not being able to get rid of those tears.
I bring my free hand towards his cheek where traces of salt lie, I hesitate for a second but I bring my index finger to the corner of his eye and graze along the line of salt up until the corner of his lips, my finger stops at the right corner of lip but fight to edge forward, I know I can't afford to wake him up. Just when I’m about to remove my hand Al opens his eyes and tries to bite my finger playfully
“Admiring my fucked-up face I see…”
Al looks at me as he removes himself from my hand and I instantly miss the lack of warmth, but he continues to lie beside me.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I ask him with little effort knowing fully well that he wouldn’t want to. He doesn’t respond, just stares at me for a minute or so, like he’s contemplating whether to tell me or not.
“I…I don’t…I want to…I want to…. but” Al just looks at me expectingly “Go ahead with the ‘but’, Al” I give him my approval “But…do you mind if we... I... don’t know... uh….can I hug you for a bit...okay right, never mind just forget what I just said, I never said anything, I’ll go” he starts moving to get up, but I just smile, pulling him as I stretch one hand signaling for him to hug me, he smiles right back and wraps his hands around me immediately.
I guess this has always been a thing with me and Al, we have just never hidden our emotions from one another and acted all super chill with one another, and trust me the last thing we would do, was go all superficial alpha masc- frat bro, with a dumb face to each other. We already concluded in grade 5 that, that was the most stupidest shit to ever do, like why would you wilfully act like that. And that somehow leads to James because the description that I gave right now is almost, wait no, is James’s entire personality, oh and he takes so much pride in it too. How distasteful, can't believe I’m thinking about James when I literally have Al in my arms. Who is, in fact, the more intelligent, rational, kind, caring brother and my best friend.
Yes, if you haven’t guessed yet I do have a thing for Al. and if you ask me if being in love with your straight best friend is healthy? Trust me it is not. But it is a canon event in the life of every gay kid in high school and I’m no exception. Clearly. So, get over it! it took me 5 years but still, Get over it! Because I have never breathed a word about this to anyone on the planet. But I did come out to my parents and Al and a bunch of other close friends at school last summer.
Needless to say, my dad didn’t take it well, but he wasn’t homophobic either which genuinely surprised me considering his upbringing, he came around in like a month or so, and my mom and Al were supportive which made me get through it all. Al was always there when I had it hard and without question, I would always be there for him too.
“It hurts Scorp, it hurts so bad, all this time, these years is it all for nothing, how could she just throw it away?” Al whispers into my collarbone his voice waspy from the night, I honestly don’t know how to answer this, there’s no way I know why Noah did that, all I know is that she is not a bad person and wouldn’t hurt him on purpose but that doesn’t justify what she’s done…not even close.
“I guess that’s just how people are, we stay together until we have the same aspirations but when
that differs…we grow apart…” I tell him as he looks up from my neck, smiling
“but you're not PEOPLE…Scorp…” There’s a new realization that dawns over his eyes, and his gaze softens
“I’m not, I don’t think I can ever be…” I reassure him, and he continues to smile, sunlight painting the curves of his lips, his green eyes taking a new dimension to it, I could stay like this for hours.
And I think we did,
I detach myself from Albus's arms as I let him know that I'm going to take a shower, he just nods and continues to stare into space, it's going to take him time to bounce back, but I'm confident that he will, Noah’s hurt him that much.
To me Al and Noah’s relationship, ever since they got together felt like the one that would somehow make it through high school and college, through thick and thin like a 2000’s rom-com. Then they would get married and have kids and those kids would have their own story…a total fairytale. But seeing all of it crash down and burn into nothing, so early makes me question my interpretation of things, have I predicted everything wrong?
Because I thought Al and Noah were for life, and you can't even imagine the amount of pain I went through to accept that, to never flinch, to never show, to act like everything was the same, NORMAL, to fear everything would change if I didn’t, to pretend like I am not in love with my best friend and watch him with her, and to truly be happy for him even when I wasn’t. it took time, it was hard but I did it because I wasn’t and never will be ready to lose what we have…...that was the reality and I had to face it.
But right now, there’s this bubbling feeling within me, twisting my insides with anger because how dare she throw away everything I've ever wanted my whole life, so easily, It was almost as if something I’d die for to have a chance at, didn’t even matter to her and that does not sit well with me, cause right now all I want to do is rampage Noah and ask…why would you do this?
. thud. my body comes into contact with something, I was too distracted with everything I lost track of where I was heading.
“The hell dude. Are you blind or something? The entire hallway is free and you still gotta hit me” James seethes towering over me not in a good mood, but that does not affect me in any way
“Can you take me to see Noah?” I ask, ignoring everything he just said
“If you’re trying to pick a fight, now is not a good time. Go piss someone else off with your idiotic face!” James pushes in closer
“Christ! Can you not be a dick for a fucking second, I was just asking!” I push him off, and he turns away forcefully and walks away in the opposite direction.
What the hell got his knickers in a twist…
Regardless, I'm meeting Noah today and now Lily is my only way, cause the parents don’t get here until the day after.
I head downstairs and see Lily munching on some granola staring at her phone while she leans on the kitchen island.
“Good morning Lils, you up early?”
“Yeah, the summer breeze and the Roatan air just wakes me up, oh by the way…how was it with Al?” she looks up at me
“About that…I need you to take me to Noah.” I tell her as I grab one of the tall chairs next to Lily
She just looks at me and continues to blink at me in disbelief
“Hear me out first lils, I need to know why she did it, Al needs to know…you know the whole closure thing…happens after all breakups…” I try to convince her, but she continues to look at me like she’s considering it
“look Scorp…I get that Noah’s totally wrong here, but I think she’s suffering on her own, and ummm…James already kinda ambushed her with Fred and all, you know he gets protective when it's something about me or Al..” she tells me pitying Noah
“Listen…if you are going to anything even remotely close to what James, I’m telling you a big no…” she states her stance, but there’s no way I’m compromising, plus I never had any idea to ambush Noah or anything, that’s fucked up and a very James thing to do…
“Lils I would never ambush her, that’s messed up, do I come off to you like that kind of person, I’m a Malfoy one of the oldest aristocratic families in Britain who are taught etiquette at the age of two, I couldn’t even possibly associate myself with anything like that!” I faux disbelief
“stop it scorp… “Lily playfully nudges me “The last thing that comes to my mind when I think of anything remotely violent is you….fine come on let's go meet Noah…”
~~
I Knock on Noah’s door awaiting a response, but no one answers it. You can't go back Scorpius I tell myself and knock again but this time with a little more vigour.
Lily eyes me from the sidewalk but says nothing. The door opens slightly, the person opening the door clearly with an intention to not let me in. From what I could make out, the house was dimly lit, not exactly the place I imagined Noah to live in, she's a rather lively person.
But I guess it suits the present circumstances pretty well. A middle-aged woman, with a firm stare, comes into my vision from behind the door frame. She continues to stare at me not saying a word, I guess I'll have to start the conversation,
"Mrs. Santiago...." I start "I mean no harm..." Uhh, that's a bad way to start “I'm not from around here, I'm a... friend of Noah’s from school." That seemed to do something, Noah’s mum seemed much calmer so I decided to use it in my favour
"Malfoy. Scorpius Malfoy" I stuck out my hand for her to shake which she shook only after a second thought. I can work with this. "Mrs. Santiago I'm sorry to show up unannounced, I don't mean to inconvenience you. I would just like to take Noah out for Tea..." That should do it. I guess all these manners and rules father's been teaching since I was born, do come in handy. Mrs. Santiago does appear to be pleased and the door is open much wider than it was before.
"Oh, dear, thanks for stopping by...Noah...she...She’s been distraught, not left her room for days...only comes out for meals" she wails, I try to appear sympathetic hoping it works
"Forgive me, where are my manners? Come in" I smile to myself as she lets me in.
The interior of the house had a different vibe, more cheerful. "Darling, can I for you something to drink?" She asks me expectingly "Oh. Just water, please. Quite cold preferably. I've still not adjusted to the weather here. Thank you" I give her one of my most pleasing smiles, and she heads off to what I assume is the kitchen leaving me alone in her living room.
That's when I heard a door Crack open across the hallway on the opposite side of the kitchen. Noah stumbles out taken aback by the sight of me in her living room. Honestly, there was no other word to describe her state right now other than distraught. The red bags under her eyes suggested that she'd been crying, and the loose, worn-out attire supported the same.
Let's just say Noah was positively alarmed at the sight of me in her drawing room.
"Scorpius...you're here..." Noah acknowledged me in disbelief, I got up and curtly hugged her, she wraps her arms around me almost as to not wanting to let go. "Thanks for stopping by, I really needed this, at first I thought you were here to..." she trails off not wanting to go ahead. " Noah, would you like to grab some tea, somewhere outside?" She gives me a slight smile that is almost admonishing
"Scorpius Malfoy you are the only one on this entire archipelago to ask someone out for 'Tea' " she chuckles
" Well yes Mr. Malfoy thy lady is honored to go with thou for evening tea" she tells me, her sad aura wearing off, I feel glad to have made her day better.
" That is not the way you use those words. Your vocabulary is absolutely revolting!"
She chuckles even louder as she lets her mom know that we will be heading out.
Mrs. Santiago gave me a small yet grateful smile for getting Noah out of her previously depressing state. I also make sure to text Lily that everything's fine and that she can head home. I owe her for this one.
"Scorpius, you do know that we are actually not getting tea right?" Noah asks me as we walk past her street towards the main lane.
" Yeah, I think I got the idea. So where are we headed?"
" Gelato. Let's get Gelato." She gives me one of the biggest smiles, her teal eyes gleaming under the sun.
___******___
Albus's Pov;
My previous assumptions on how brunch was going to be crowded were a complete mistake. The house was abandoned, and I finally felt better in days and decided to come down, yeah and this is what I got. Not a single soul in sight. I make myself a bowl of cereal take my phone out and call up Lily.
" Hiya Al, feeling better?"
" Lils what the fuck, why's no one home, and the door's unlocked?"
" Hey, hey I'm on my way I just had an errand to run nearby."
"All right, but Where's Scorp?"
" Umm...uhh he said he's meeting with Rose..."
" Really...he didn't say anything about that to me..." an unsettling feeling settled in the pit of my stomach.
"I don't know Al; I'll call you back bye!"
*ring* The line goes out
I loudly sigh as I plop onto the couch.
What's Scorp doing out with Rose? Why didn't he tell me, were they off doing something so private that he wasn’t even able to let me know? This is not even a big deal why has this made me so bothered?
" uhhhh..." I grunt
"Oye, mate the lads are coming, the gals too. And guess what you're calling the shots todayyy!!" James’s voice boomed from the doorway
" but guess what either way, you're getting uh laid toniteee!" James proceeds to tell me as he tosses his keys and pats my back
" First off, we're staying in and second off No I'm not sleeping around. But I am down to just hang...."
James just looks at me for a moment or two and smiles
" I may not completely understand what you're going through, but I know you loved her. She's a bitch for doing what she did. But Al there are so many more people who love you way way way more than she ever did. To so many people you mean the world. Promise me that you will only ever settle for a person who loves you more than Lils and I do.............." James’s eyes shine earnestly, never have I ever seen my brother like this. This side of him only made a very rare appearance. I couldn’t anymore I grabbed James giving him a huge hug.
" Aw James, I love you too. But if I follow your conditions, I am going to stay single forever...." I laugh
" I'm glad you're doing better Al" James tells me and trots away to his room and I continue watching whatever I had chosen.
I try my best to pay attention to the story that’s going on, on the TV, but my mind keeps drifting away…into feeling bleak. slash that I feel weird then somehow my brain always shifts to Scorp like a default setting???...uurghh…where is Scorp? He said he’d take a shower then he disappeared. I haven’t really seen him since our night yesterday… ‘our night’ is that what I’m calling it now? But He’s been gone all day, what could he possibly be up to? I ask myself more questions as my eyelids feel heavy…..what am I even thinking….… Scorp…
There's a loud thrumming in my ears, I open my eyes to flashing lights. I blink furiously trying to register what was happening.
“Oye, Al you awake mate?” I turn to see Fred asking me. Fred? Fred! Oh, the music fills my ears and I look around at the full-blown party taking place in my living room. Did I really sleep through all of this? I swear there are at least 60 people in my house right now, half of whom I don’t know. What did I expect this is James’s definition of a small party. I try to get up and out of the couch but end up accidentally smacking someone, “Hey one at a time! I know ya’ll want me!” I crunch my mouth in disgust as I see a random girl, who appears to be making out on my couch right above where I was asleep, Fred pats my head as he pulls me up.
“Mate you can go for a better rebound after Noah, don’t go for chicks like… that,” Fred says eyeing that girl up and down, they had taken over the entire couch now that I had moved
“Fred. Come on man…” I try fully knowing it's not gonna help my case in any way
“But…if you are down for a three-way I can hook you up with a few people, who also wanna try…”
“Fred, Bruh genuinely what the fuck? Please stop I know that you, James, and the guys have an agenda of setting me up tonight and I know there is no point in asking you guys to back off. But at least wait until I'm still not half asleep” I tell him as I walk away and he puts his hands up, drinks in one hand, and pouts innocently.
I opened the door of the bathroom, only to face 5 people who looked high as hell, there was a bong lying towards the rear end of the sink I guess that figures.
“Guys please get outta here...” I give an exasperated sigh
Thankfully none of them object and make a beeline out the door, I lock myself in and wash my face. That was a good nap, I haven’t had one in a while. I look at myself in the mirror, I’m by no means ready for a party based on how I look now. I grab my phone from my pocket, 2 calls from Lils, 3 from Mom Shitt, 1 from Rox, And none from Scorp. Is Scorp at the party? Gosh… is he even home yet?
I walk out of the bathroom and make my way through the bodies of people mushing up against each other, I am about to climb the stairs but someone stops me, I need to find Scorp and if someone’s going to stop me now, I’m ready to throw hands, “mate, upstairs is off limits!!” someone slurs obviously drunk, oh now who the fuck is this, I see a wasted Dominique trying to stop me, at least he’s saving some us some trouble “Dom it's me Alllll!!!” I tell him long enough for him to register
“Oh Albusszz….” He slurs grabbing both my shoulders “ok bud I got to go now, and you stop drinking all right…” I grab the beer out of his hands setting it at the foot of the stairs.
“ oh..nuh, nuh , no… Al you can go you..you gotta hook up…with Gina…” he blabbers barely being able to stand, oh so that was James's plan all along, but honestly, Gina was not a bad choice. Nah what was I thinking? I ran upstairs and shut my room door locking the music outside. I click on Scorp’s contact and call him. Once, twice, thrice… he doesn’t pick. I rub my palms on my face and run my fingers through my hair anxiously, fuckkkkk…ahh. What if something is wrong.
I open my drawer and take the Jeep keys James had given me just for emergencies and rush down. I walk to the driveway, but my eyes freeze at what I see. Alex. Motherfucking. Holland. The audacity that bastard has to pull up at my house after the shit he did. I was bubbling with rage but I had a task at hand. I could give a fuck about Holland after I find Scorp. I move towards the truck and get a full view of Alex grabbing a girl by her elbow, who was forcefully trying to wriggle out of his grip. shit. That’s….my breath gets stuck at my throat… Noah.
My fists curl up by my side ready to punch him. I put the keys into my pocket and dragged my hand back for momentum as I strode to land a punch. But before I could, a bat smashes through Holland’s face, followed by a series of punches aimed at his nose. Alex doesn’t even try to fight back, he was now lying on the floor trying to push away the blond guy who was on top of him punching him. By this time an entire crowd of people had formed around them, most of them cheering and a few trying to stop them. I hear my sister's voice
“Someone go BLOODY stop them! SCORPIUS please stoppp!” my heart almost skips a beat. Scorpius. No. there’s no way that’s Scorpius. I turned to get a better look
Fuuh..ck. me. That is him. He looked feral. Eyes filled with rage. Fist bloodied. Crack. It was audible, the crowd went silent. Alex’s face was completely red. Scorpius pulled away and ran his bloodied hand through his pure white hair, tainting it with shades of red. The little splatters of blood on his pale skin looked like tiny freckles littered across his face. My stomach was twisting wildly. I don’t know what was happening to me, my heart was completely numb.
Scorpius stood up to take in his surroundings, I still did not dare to make any movements still in shock at what I was witnessing. Scorpius attempted to move but that’s when Alex who I thought had passed out tried to grab his ankle. That bastard. Scorpius looked like he was turning back to go for another hit.
But James’s arms wrap around Scorpius as he grabs him and throws him over his shoulder, and carries him inside.
All the while I stand still.