The gang’s all sitting around the warm common room on the first cold day of the fall, Sirius sprawled out on a couch waiting for Moony, Mary and Peter to come back from studying. James, Lily, Marlene, and zem playing a good old fashioned game of cards.
Everything going perfectly to plan, the trap set, Sirius would get the glory of victory, until:
“We should start a prank war,” James said with a smile.
“A prank war?” Marlene raised her eyebrow.
“A prank war,” James nodded with a giddy grin.
“And where do we draw the line, who’s on which side?” Lily questioned.
“Well obviously I’ve got you, right Padfoot?” James nudged them in the shoulder.
“Of course,” Sirius placed down a red 3.
“And if I have Padfoot then I must have Moony,” the boy spoke with the satisfaction of having come up with a game where he would of course win.
“Now don’t go deciding things for Remus, he’s his own man,” Marlene started as the door swung open.
“Who’s deciding things for me now?” Remus asked, walking in and placing his stack of books on a random table, “my lovely partner in crime or the criminal only known as Prongs? It can't be the only reasonable person here, don’t tell me Lily’s making decisions for me now, can’t be living a reasonable life.”
“James is saying that since Sirius’ your partner that you’ll join their team for the prank war–” Lily started.
Mary groaned, “There’s a prank war now! Oh fuck off, I thought I was finally gonna improve my studies. Here you blokes go, stealing the best teacher in Hogwarts.”
“Minnie’s on our side now!” Sirius spoke in awe with eyes as wide as the moon, she turned to James and gave him a high five.
“It may be better if you guys just throw in the towel now,” James eyes Lily.
Lily turns away, “Remus, you can’t join their team.”
“Oh, why not?”
“Come on Rem, you’ve shared a dorm room with those idiots for years, you’ve got to be holding some grudge against them,” Marlene switched her voice to a deeper more ghoulish joking tone, “join the dark side, let your evil spark out. I can see the crazy behind your eyes Remus, join us.”
“Convincing speech, I need to think over my options,” Remus put his hand to his chin, tapping on his cheek, in obviously very deep thought.
James held Sirius by the shoulders, “We’re losin’ him, get in their soldier!” He proceeded to push Sirius off the couch, the dude stumbled on their feet before returning to the confident stride over to Remus.
“Moony,” she took his hands.
“Yes?” Remus spoke as a question, a taunt, how are you gonna convince me?
Sirius kissed Remus’ cheek, and then spoke softly into his ear, “Join us and I’ll read to you while you hold me, whatever story you want. Oh,” he kissed his cheek again, “and I’ll kiss you…wherever-you-want.”
Remus’ face was burning as hot as a fire in the desert.
“Fucking unfair,” Marlene grumbled in her chair.
Lily nodded, “Such bribery shouldn’t be tolerated, remember Remus, all’s fair in love and war. Don’t let some stupid gray eyes convince you otherwise!”
Lily, Marlene, and Mary whispered amongst themselves, after putting their heads together (seemingly a lot of Mary and Marlene telling Lily to do something) they came to a deal.
“I’ve got an offer for you oh friend, oh buddy of mine,” Lily spoke with a shit eating grin.
“You think you can top Sirius’ offer?”
“Anyone can top Sirius,” Peter interjected as he shuffled some cards.
“Not true! I give my heart out to few and even then, lust and love are quite separate,” Sirius said with somewhat fake offense.
Mary looked through Lily’s bag, papers upon papers of notes.
“I’ll lend you my potions notes,” Lily said with a smile.
Remus looked back to his fellow marauders.
James smiling, thinking he’s won, and Sirius looking just a bit more concerned.
“I’m on Lily’s team,” Remus spoke quickly.
“What was that?” Marlene put a hand to her ear just as James screamed, “WHAT?”
“I’m. On. Lily’s. Team.”
“My heart has shattered, broken into a million pieces, such betrayal. I can’t believe this Moony, I know Padfoot feels the same, they just can’t think of the words to say it,” James monologued dramatically next to a gaping Sirius.
“We better see about getting Minnie or Reg on our side,” Peter quipped.
“All of us know that they would rather join our team rather than a group of delinquents,” Mary smiled.
“Time for the uphill battle of a century I guess, my friend,” James patted Sirius on the shoulder, his friend still gaping.
“Notes…he chose notes,” Sirius spoke, bewildered.
“He’s got priorities,” Lily, the devil now in Sirius’ eyes, butted in.
“HE CHOSE NOTES OVER ME,” as Sirius yelled, laughter filled the room. They caught eyes with the boy in question, staring him down with fire in her eyes, “this means war, Lupin.”
“Yeah that’s kinda what we’ve been talking about this whole time,” Peter muttered, “a prank war.”
Eventually, after lots and lots of whining on account of not having enough people on their side, Sirius, James, and Peter did get some more members on their team.
Within the declaration of war it was Team We’re Better Than Those Guys (James, Sirius, Peter, and Marlene–who deserted to this side after a certain member of the opposing team started bashing quidditch) versus Team Intelligent (Lily, Mary, Remus, and Regulus).