Names in Red Underline

Regulus doesn’t want to drink ever again. In the last month, he had probably drink more than ever before in his life, and he was friends with Bartemius ‘alcoholic’ Crouch. Sure, he had a lot of fun this past month, but that much alcohol in his system is surely making him some type of brain damage.

Because he was so sure that was the only reason that he found James so god damned attractive, and lovely, and amazing to be around, and just so gorgeous. Sadly, Regulus didn’t drink quite enough to forget the conversation they had on the balcony last night, or how he discovered that James’ accent was more noticeable when he was drunk, or the way it felt when James was the first one to hug him and wish him happy birthday.

He turns around and screams into the pillow.

Which only manages to make his head hurt more. He didn’t want to think, he just wanted to sleep, but apparently, the memory of James rolling his r’s when he said his name last night was too much to actually let him sleep. Yeah, definitely the alcohol was doing something to his brain. Or maybe it was the constant loud music from the concerts. It had to be something.

He can’t fancy James Potter.

That made like any other teenage girl that liked the Marauders. Wanting James and without a fucking chance to even try and get him to want him back. The worst thing about it all, he didn’t regret last night. He loved talking to James, being with him, he wanted to keep doing it forever. There was just something that pulled Regulus in, that made him want to stare and listen and talk.

That made him want to scream, and cry, and run, as far away as he could.

But before he could sulk more into his now terrible situation. There was a murmur outside his door, a quite loud one, if he was honest. So he sat on the bed, considering if he should go scream to whoever was interrupting his lamentations to go away. Then the door flew open, because Regulus last night was probably too drunk to bolt the hotel room door. Great, now he was going to get rob.

But it was way worse than that.

Because the marauders and valkyries all entered the room, followed by Barty, Evan and Pandora.

“Happy birthday Reg!” They all screamed in unison.

Lily was holding a cupcake with a small candle on it, James was by her side trying to turn it on with some matches and failing miserably. Barty, Evan and Pandora pushed everyone to get into the bed, piling over Regulus.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He asked, but he couldn’t hold back the smile as he hugged his friends. They were supposed to be hours away, working or traveling, definitely not in Berlin.

“No ‘Hello, thanks for the surprise’ or ‘Oh my god, I missed you so much’.” Barty looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Dorcas invited us.” Pandora said, smiling ear to ear, as she usually does.

“And your brother paid so we couldn’t say no.” Evan added.

His head hurt, he was terribly hungover, he had the worst realization that anyone could have (he discovered he fancy someone), but his friends were here. And god, did he miss them.

“Yeah, yeah, great reunion but we have to sing happy birthday.” Peter interrupted.

“You have to?” Asked Regulus, with disgust.

“Of course we do.” James answered, managing to finally light up the candle, looking proud of himself. Regulus wanted to scream, roll his eyes, and kiss him all at once.

He hated that man.

So they did, for the most painful minute in Regulus life, cuddled by his friends, while the two bands of the moment sang to him happy birthday.

“Okay, I planned for breakfast but was actually too hungover to wake up everyone at 8am, but instead, you have a cupcake.” Lily said.

“And a painkiller.” Marlene stepped to the front, handing him the pill along with a bottle of water.

“You are God sent, Marlene.” Regulus took the pill, down it, and then took the cupcake from Lily.

“More like hell sent, but whatever, birthday boy.” Dorcas said, and her girlfriend pushed her just slightly, Regulus smiled softly. Maybe the last few weeks haven’t been that bad.

After a little more chatter, Regulus managed to stand up to say goodbye to everyone, as they needed to get ready for Lily’s next plan, which happen to be a little improvised party at Sirius and Remus room, which Regulus discover had a living room, and well, Lily was too sweet to say no to her. Everyone hugged him, wish him happy birthday again.

“You are getting older, Reg, I can already see the wrinkles.” Sirius said as they hugged, and for a second, Regulus let it be, like they were 11 and best friends all over again.

“Yeah, I’m scared I’ll age like you.”

“You little shit, I’m only a year older.” Sirius pinched him and Regulus laughed, a genuine laugh.

But the smile was dropped as James was the next one to approach him. “Happy birthday, Reggie.”

Why was he rolling his R’s again? Why is he saying his name like he cared? Why was he smelling and looking so good? Why did he make his hug better than anyone else’s? Why? Why? Why?

“Thanks, Potter.” It’s all he said, as he felt his cheeks burn and he wanted to throw himself out the balcony, that was open for him to do exactly that at any moment.

Shortly after, there was only Barty, Evan, Dorcas and Pandora, all sitting in his bed, looking at him as he turned around from closing the door. All with a weird look and smile.

“What?”

“You tell us.” Barty said with his cocky smile, Regulus rolled his eyes, turning to his suitcase, searching for what he was going to wear.

“You know? That Potter guy is quite handsome.” He could hear Pandora’s smile as she talked.

“I would totally smash, you know if he is taken, Cas?”

“Nah, he isn’t, but you are though.”

“Evan wouldn’t care, would you, darling?”

“Not at all if you invite me, I would totally smash too.”

“Oh shut up.” He turned around, glaring.

“Jealous, Reg?” If looks could kill, Barty would be dead over a thousand times.

“Oh, he is! Look at him.” Pandora screamed.

“You like James Potter, Reggie?” He took the pillow that ended in the floor and threw it to Evan’s face. His friends were laughing loudly as he locked himself in the bathroom.

Yeah, this was definitely hell.

By the time they were in front of the door to Sirius’ room, he had accepted his crush on his friends, but made them swear they would keep the secret to the grave. Especially Barty, who he was sure would tease him about it until they were old and in their deathbeds.

He looked at this outfit once more, he felt weirdly self-conscious, to the point he changed at least five times, searching for approval each time. Lily asked them to dress nice, not over the top, but nice. So he went for a black shirt, all the top buttons undone, a black corset around his waist and a white slack. Was it a basic outfit? For sure. But he was tired of changing and he needed something safe. He had all of his rings, his favorite necklace and earrings. Pandora was wearing a beautiful puffy dress that Regulus was sure was a sundress, but she made it work so nice. Barty and Evan were in all black, the both of them, and Dorcas was wearing a gorgeous silver dress.

Finally someone opened the door, and to his disgrace, it was James, who grinned brightly when he saw him.

“Hey, come on in, you all look great.” He moved to let them through, and Regulus made a point to not talk or look at him.

Because why does he look so gorgeous? He was wearing something so simple, just a red polo, because of course it was red, and a black slack. And god, the shirt just hugged his body in a way that shouldn’t be legal, the muscles in his arms were even greater up close than on stage. His hair was very messy, but it just fit him so nicely, and his glasses. Regulus loved his glasses.

Regulus hated James so much.

He made it his purpose to avoid James at all cost, so they talked, they played cards against humanity, getting a shot every time they won a round, Barty was very drunk at the end. They ate dinner, they listened to music, they sang happy birthday, and not once did he talk to James, he did get to know a little bit more of everyone. Lily couldn’t shut up about how pretty Mary looked, and how she was writing a song for her, so Regulus discovered Lily loved Mary but was so sure she would never like her back. Every time he talked to Lily, he just felt so related, sadly he did this time.

Marlene and Dorcas were also fun, somehow they ended up telling him their love story. Because of course anything love related was following him today. Apparently, they fought for a spot in the school band back in 10th grade, and everything spiraled down from there. It was a cute story, but Regulus downed the beer that was close to him. He didn’t even like beer, but James laughed and god, he really needed something to distract himself.

“I think he is ruining my life on purpose.” Regulus stated as he walked to sit right in the middle of Evan and Barty, looking at James, how was dancing with Marlene and Peter.

“He literally is just standing there.” Evan rolled his eyes, probably annoyed at being interrupted whatever he was doing with Barty.

“He is dancing, and I swear he is doing it on purpose, no one can look that good and be that nice unintentionally.” Regulus complained, letting his head fall into the back of the sofa.

“I can.” Barty said.

“No, you can’t.” Regulus groaned, looking at the ceiling because his only options were James Potter dancing to some Spanish song, in a quite provocative way, or his brother snogging Remus in the other corner. “I think my parents sent him to make sure I die somehow, or torture me.”

“What are you all talking about?” Pandora said, sitting on Barty’s lap and sprawling her legs over Regulus and Evan.

“Regulus here thinks Potter is planning to murder him with love and a daddy yankee song.”

“Aww, that’s cute, you really like him.”

“I don’t know what’s worse, this or my parents.”

“Your parents.” The three of them said in unison.

“Hey! Everyone!” Marlene shouted, smiling like she had the greatest idea. “We should watch a movie.”

“Are we ten?” Sirius finally paid attention to something that wasn’t shoving his tongue in Remus' mouth to say that.

“Oh shut up, it would be fun, we can watch something scary.”

“I always wanted to watch a horror movie.” Barty said, and Peter started nodding.

“Oh my god, me too.”

“What do you think, Reg? It’s your night after all.” Lily asked, and everyone looked at him.

“Yeah, why not.”

So they ended up taking the sheets from the closet and pushing the sofas together. Peter, Barty, Marlene, Lily, Remus and Evan came back from the balcony smelling like weed, James was serving all of them shots of the last bottle of cranberry vodka they had. They all settled in, Regulus was laying on the armrest of the sofa, Remus and Sirius on the other side of it, with enough space to not be grossed out if they happened to get bored, Pandora sat on the floor, and the rest of them, except James, who decided to clean some of the mess before joining them, where sprawled either on the floor, or the other sofas.

After some research, and by research he meant Dorcas searching on reddit for the top 10 scariest movies, they settled for the Blair Witch Project. As the movie was starting, James came back.

“James, here, sit with me.” Sirius said, throwing Regulus legs from the sofa and patting the spot in between.

No, no, no, no.

So James did, he sat next to Regulus and Sirius. He breathed in a couple seconds, trying hard to just focus on something else. But he was too tipsy to focus on anything that wasn’t James leg touching his, or the movie.

And Regulus would never admit it out loud, but he sucked at scary movies. Why would he want to feel fear by choice? No, definitely not his cup of tea.

The first scared had Regulus’ heart on his throat. Not because it was really that scary (actually it was), but because James had taken his hand. James got scared and took his hand, looking away before closing his eyes. His hand was holding James tightly, because he also got startled and it was pure reflex. He wanted to vomit.

The next scare was probably worse because when he looked away, James looked at him, he smiled softly and was still holding his hand for some reason.

Regulus wanted to sink, and drown, and died.

And it got worse, because somehow Regulus ended up hiding his face on James’ shoulder, unwilling to look back at the screen because it was just too much. And then James’ arm went to hug his shoulders and Regulus was sure he would pass out any minute.

Great, he didn’t get to live a day past 21.

The movie ended, and they were still in the same position, Regulus was sure he would puke at any moment, especially when he noticed Barty saying something to Evan and then both of them looking at him and James. He quickly sat up straight, letting James’ arm fall from his shoulders, clearing his throat as he put a little bit of space in between them.

“I don’t think I will sleep much tonight.” Dorcas said, her face quite traumatized.

“How on earth is he sleeping?” Pandora asked, looking at Peter, who had dozed half way through the movie.

“Cas, please never let Marlene have an idea again, I think I’m traumatized.” Remus said next,

“It wasn’t that bad.” James said, Regulus rolled his eyes.

“You were shutting yourself, James.” Sirius said. “No need to act tough to impress-”

James was covering Sirius' mouth, impeding him from talking.

“Ew, you licked me!” James squealed, cleaning his hand on Sirius's shirt.

“We should go to sleep, because if not, I don’t know who’s going up the stage tomorrow because sure as hell I’m not.” Mary said, standing from the floor and offering her hand to help Lily, they had been cuddling all the movie, willingly he hoped so, unlike him and James.

God, he was cuddling with James for like an hour.

As they said their goodbyes, he hugged Lily, thanking her for the party. He is used to just spending his day with a store-bought cake and nothing more, because his parents can’t seem to care about his son, even less about his birthday. So today was special for him.

They all got into the elevator, saying good night and good bye, one by one leaving on their floor. And for some reason, James got off on the same floor as he did, and they walked together.

“Shouldn’t you have a room higher? A suite or something.” Regulus asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, but I don’t really like the big rooms, they are too empty just for me.” He shrugged, and Regulus kept walking in silence.

He stopped at his door, putting the key on the scanner and opening it. It was dark and now, Regulus felt terrified to enter.

“I can come in with you if you are scared.” James suggested softly.

“You were as scared as I was, if not more.”

“Yeah, kinda the reason why I don’t want to go all the way to my room alone.”

“So you intend to stay the night?”

“The sofá in the rooms is quite comfortable.”

Regulus thought about it, but yeah, maybe he was a little too scared, even enough to tolerate James for the night.

“Fine, sure. But you go first.”

James did, opening the door all the way and almost running to the light switch, followed by also running to close the curtains and turning the light of the bathroom, Regulus had to laugh.

“No witches here, I think.” James announced as Regulus entered the room. James was taking off the red converse he was wearing in the edge of the bed, while Regulus felt ashamed for the mess he had in his room. The shoes were all over the floor, and the sofa that James intended to sleep in, was covered in the clothes had tried earlier. But for some reason, instead of going to fix it, he just kicked off his shoes and throw himself into the bed.

Trying hard to ignore James.

“Did you have a good time?” He asked, sitting himself in the bed, and looking at Regulus.

“Yeah, it was nice.” He said, looking at the ceiling. “Until someone decided to watch a scary movie.” “I don’t think I’m going to be sleeping alone for a while.” James laid next to him, also looking at the ceiling.

“Why didn’t you go to Peter’s room, or Lily’s?” Regulus asked, quite confused as to why on Earth would James want to talk to him here, right now, if he had other options.

“You didn’t talk to me at the party.” James looked at him, like a hurt puppy, and god, Regulus tried so hard to blame the last vodka shot for the way his heart sped up, even if that was almost two hours ago.

He didn’t answer, so James kept talking. “I really like talking to you, I don’t know, it’s easy.”

Yes, yes it is easy talking to you too. He did hate James, because why does he seem to understand him? To say exactly what Regulus wanted to hear? James turned to his side, and Regulus went back to look at the ceiling.

“You looked really nice today, like…” James seemed to think a bit about it. “Like a song from the 1975.”

“What?”

“You know, the band, you gave those vibes.”

“Never heard of them.”

“What?” James sat up, looking at him like he just committed treason. “You have to listen to them.”

James took his phone, searching for something before the music started to play. He laid back down, and Regulus turned to his side, facing James, the phone in between them.

“I love them, their songs are really great, I just love the vibe they have.” James explained, and Regulus listened, like he was saying the most interesting thing in the world. James was always like that when he was around music, and Regulus couldn’t help but love the shine he had in his eyes.

“I don’t know if I want to cry or make out with someone while I listen to them.” Regulus blurted out, and James let out a soft laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, they are a little like that.”

The next song played, and they were just looking at each other. Regulus could swear James’ eyes went down to his lips a few times. They got closer, not because he was thinking, but because it just felt like it.

“What is this song called?” Regulus asked, in a whisper, too scared to break the moment. Because he’ll be damned if he lost it, because James Potter, laying on his bed, looking so nice and just, staring at him, he wanted this moment to last.

“Robbers.” He answered, and now his eyes were fully in his lips.

Regulus heard the soft You'd find out everything’s gone wrong and the next thing he knew was James' lips on his. He had to be dreaming, because he was kissing James Potter, and James was kissing him back like Regulus was air he needed to survive. When they finally parted to catch their breath, there were a few seconds of peace. Looking at each other, before James’ eyes opened in surprise, like he just realized what he had done.

That made Regulus sat up in the bed. What the fuck?

“I- I should go.” James threw himself out of the bed, taking his shoes and not even bothering to put them on, he almost ran out of the bedroom, Regulus heard the door closing and he couldn’t do anything else than staring at the wall.

He kissed James.

No.

James kissed him, so intensely.

And then James ran away.

What the fuck?

Once again, Regulus woke up wanting to die. Not because of the hangover (maybe a little), but because his eyes were puffy and he hated James, he hated every fiber of his body, and missed him, wanted him, all of it. Because he kissed him and then left, no explanations, looking rather displeased. Was Regulus a bad kisser? He isn’t, right? He wouldn’t have that many ex-lovers if he was. What if James confused him for someone else? Or was it just the urge to kiss someone? Maybe it was the music, or the alcohol, or the adrenaline.

Because if he was sure about something, it could be anything else except James wanting him, it just couldn’t be. Or maybe he wanted to kiss Regulus out of physical attraction, or curiosity, or maybe James was indeed some stereotypical rockstar and went around kissing everyone he had the chance to. Maybe he just panicked because of Sirius’ reaction.

While laying in bed he made two decisions. One, there is no way he was going to that concert, not at all. He just couldn’t see James again. Two, he was going to ignore James for the rest of his days. He needed to get over it, because he refused to be disowned and heart-broken, he could deal with just one tragedy in his life at once. So he needed to find a way to make the press know that they were no longer together, that the fake relationship was off.

And that meant telling Sirius too.

There was a knock on the door, and Regulus finally stood up, going to look who it was. Evan was standing outside, so he opened the door. “Morning, Reg, you know having your phone turned on is actually a great way to communicate?”

“I probably forgot to charge it last night.” Regulus sighed, he also forgot his dignity last night, but whatever.

“Well, Pans, B and I are going down for breakfast, so you have ten minutes to get down and eat with us.”

“Why?”

“Because you love us.”

Regulus closed the door, and sigh.

Fifteen minutes later, he was downstairs sitting with his friends on the hotel’s buffet.

“So? What are the plans for the day?” Pandora asked when she came back from getting her plate full.

“We are going to the concert at night, Dorcas would never forgive us if we don’t.” Barty said, uninterested while chewing on a piece of bacon.

“We have to?” Regulus asked, great, another of his plans gone wrong.

“Yeah, how else would we see you drool over Potter?”

Regulus rolled his eyes and decided to go for something to eat.

They spent the day around Berlin, everyone else was on the soundcheck, so they got to have some tourist time. So they went to memorials, to monuments, they drank beer, even if Regulus hated it, but because Pandora insisted they have to. And for a while, he let himself ignore what happened last night, just enjoyed his friends like they were fifteen again no trouble in the world.

“So Pandy, already have the day for the wedding?” Barty asked, and Pandora nodded. They were walking a nice street, going back to the hotel.

“In six months, we want to marry in autumn.” Pandora turned to Regulus. “I want you to design my dress, we already have the place, it is in this beautiful garden Xen found, and the leaves are beautiful that time of the year. I have to send you all the photos for inspo.”

Regulus stopped walking, looking at Pandora. “You want me to design your dress?”

“Of course I do, Reg, you are so amazing with that, who else would I want for that?”

Regulus almost dropped him and Pandora to the ground when he threw himself to hug her, so, so tightly. Because for Pandora to trust her on her wedding day, it meant the world to him.

“And please do something for this too, I refuse to let my wedding party look like they put on the first formal thing they found.”

“Of course I will, everything you need, Pans.” Pandora kissed Regulus’ cheek, and he was just bursting with emotion.

They were already reaching the hotel as they continued talking. “Dorcas said she wanted Mary to sign for our first dance, so tonight I want to see if I like her.”

“So then we should be getting ready, right? It’s getting late.” Evan said, taking her sister hand.

“We are literally going to the VIP tent, it’s not like someone is going to take our spot.” Regulus sounded annoyed, but really, he just couldn’t help it. He isn’t sure how he was going to react when he finally sees James today, but he isn’t sure it was going to be a great reaction.

Half an hour later, night was settling in Berlin, and the four of them arrived at the concert. The first opener was finishing, and it was crowded, the Veltins arena was sold out and the environment felt like it. It was amazing what his brother and friends could do, because even if it was like the hundred time Regulus saw the concert, he was still a little excited by it.

By now, he know most of the regular songs, so he sang along as Mary got on stage, and **he had to accept that Come through was one of his favorite songs now. He enjoyed seeing the girls on stage, because they look the most them when they were there.

“Thank you, Berlin! You were great.” Marlene screamed into the mic, before all of them saying their goodbyes as they left the stage. Night fell by now, and Regulus wasn’t sure if he was ready to look at it. Maybe he could focus on Peter, he liked Peter, he reminded him a bit of Evan. Quite, but chaotic when he decided to speak. Or he could focus on Remus, he liked Remus too, he was like the calmest out of the four of them, and if he can manage to deal with Sirius for years now, then he is probably a very kind soul.

The show started, and his friends were having the time of their lives. “They are so much better than they were in school.” Barty said, smiling as he sang one of their older songs to Evan, one of the ones they used to play in talent shows.

And Regulus managed to avoid James, at least for most of it, until Sirius started to play a song that he didn’t recognize, and he wished the tent was farther away from the stage, because he was now sure that James was looking his way. And god, it was a sinful song, and the way James sang it, it made it so much more. Regulus just couldn’t keep his eyes away.

“You got me down on my knees.” And he was, James was on stage, on his knees, with a breathy voice. “It’s getting harder to breathe out.”

Regulus was going to faint, he was sure of it.

James wasn’t that much of a fan of playing ballads at concerts. Their slower songs, like I wanna be yours, well he can do a show about them. But this one song, he made sure it wasn’t on the set list, even if fans love it, and he knew that. But his was his song, his deepest teenage fears, his feelings, made into a 4:49 seconds song.

Today, he decided it would not only be on the setlist, they would close with his songs. Immediately, as the first tunes started to play, the crowd went wild. The lights grew dimmer, only a spotlight on each of them.

“And I’d give up forever to touch you.”

He couldn’t look that way, he just couldn’t. He wasn’t ready to look Regulus in his eyes and sing a song that for him, was basically a confession. Specially after last night.

He was so dumb, all because he thought Regulus would want to kiss him.

Dumb, stupid, idiot James.

There isn’t a world in which Regulus would want to kiss him.

“And I don’t want the world to see me.”

“Cause I don’t think that they’ll understand.”

Sadly, fifteen year old James was still right, and it felt like a pit on his stomach as he sang the lyrics.

“I just want you to know who I am.”

He hated fifteen year old James that decided to made a banger about a boy that didn’t even cared he existed. Because almost a decade later, it still rang true.

“Or the moment of truth in your lies.” What did he think was going to happen if he accepted to fake date Regulus? If he accepted to get close to him, to become his friend. And now he ruined everything, because James feeling were too much to him.

And he kissed him, he kissed him and it felt like magic. Like a dream, like everything James had ever wanted.

Great, he was about to cry on stage. He turned around, taking advantage that they were playing the bridge and he got a break from singing.

He breathed a couple times, and could see Remus looking at him, worried, asking questions with his eyes that James couldn’t answer.

He turned around again, got to the mic, and now, he sounded broken, like he was desperate.

“And I don’t want the world to see me.”

“Cause I don’t think that they’ll understand.”

”When everything's made to be broken.”