Chapter 3
Regulus tried to forget the land, the boy, the sun. He really tried. But how could he forget? How could he ban the beauty of this other world from his mind?
He fantasised how a life there could be, how bright, how warm, how loving and joyous. What he would give to be part of that human joy.
So one night, when his family was asleep, he sneaked past the guards out of the castle.
He swam the way he remembered from the first time and hoped it was the right direction.
About halfway a wave of doubt hit him. He didn’t even know if the boy lived near the beach where he had left him. And he didn’t even know if the way he swam was right.
A sudden noise ripped him out of his thoughts. He was close to the surface. It got broken by the belly of a huge ship.
His instincts told Regulus to back off and swim back but his curiosity won and he swam upwards.
He only broke through the surface enough that his eyes were outside. And then he saw him. The boy who was the sun leaned over the railing, gazing over the blue water.
For the fraction of a second, their eyes met. The boy looked right at Regulus, peaking out of the water. Startled, Regulus descended underwater again.
But once again he overcame his fear and sticked out his head again.
The boy had turned his back to the water and was talking to a man, his hands flapping around, gesturing wildly, as if he was going to spread his wings in the next second and fly away.
“James!”, the man suddenly yelled loudly, “Please, just… just stop with this nonsense, ok? We’ve had enough of this.”
The man shook his hand and turned away.
Regulus had no idea what the man had been so annoyed about but frankly, he didn’t care, because now he knew the name of the boy. James.
James. James. James. James. James. James. James. James. James. James. James. James.
He repeated the name in his thoughts, turned it over and over, upside down, until it was the only thing on his mind. The name sounded pretty simple but still it entered his head, seized his mind and supplanted all his other thoughts.
“James”, Regulus whispered, so quiet it was barely audible, but he wanted to taste the name on his tongue.
Still, it was as if the boy had heard him, because right in that moment he turned back to the sea.
He gaze glided over the water, as if searching for something. After a moment his eyes had found Regulus again. But instead of dipping down immediately like before, Regulus stayed over the water, his eyes and forehead peaking out.
James gave him a little wave and smiled at him. His smile almost blinded him. He bared all his pearly white teeth and the grin reached his eyes, that seemed to glim in the sun. Just that it was night and the sun came from inside him.
James only shone brighter when he smiled.
So bright, Regulus couldn’t handle it and dived down again.
His chest rose and fell unrhythmically and fast, his heart seemed to skip a few beats before hammering away at an ungodly speed.
One small wave, one little grin, one drop of attention by the boy who was the sun and Regulus had forgotten how to breathe and his heart had forgotten how to function normally.
The world spun around him or maybe he spun around himself or maybe just his head. He felt dizzy.
After what felt like hours but could’ve been mere seconds, Regulus’ body calmed down again until he felt closer to normal again.
The ship wasn’t that far away yet, so it really couldn’t have been that long.
In another heartbeat, Regulus made the decision to follow the boat.
It sailed at a medium pace so it wasn’t too hard for Regulus to keep up until not much later they reached a harbour where the ship stopped.
From safely afar Regulus peaked out of the water again and saw how the people got off the ship. And he saw James walking off the planks into the arms of two people waiting for him.
Regulus couldn’t see much from far away but the two people looked kind and warm. The woman kissed James on the forehead and the man hit him on the back and they laughed.
Regulus felt a sting in his heart and looked away. And there it was, the castle his sisters and his brother had told him about, the castle his grandmother told fantastic tales about. It was beautiful and bright and welcoming and it looked like home.
“Welcome home, prince!”, someone happily exclaimed and Regulus looked back to the people where James now was being embraced by more people, some shouting his name, welcoming him back home.
He was a prince, Regulus realised, just like himself. Then he figured out something else, namely that James was the prince of this castle, this was his home and he was the prince of it.
Regulus couldn’t believe his luck. James lived at the coast not that far away from his own castle. Perhaps he could see him more often.
Maybe he could sneak out every night and try to catch a glimpse of the boy who was the sun.
And that’s exactly what he did. Every night he ascended from the deep and tried to see James. The other prince wasn’t always outside and that didn’t change, not even when Regulus waited hours and hours for him to come.
But sometimes James would take a nightly walk and stroll along the beach. Or he would just sit at the shore and look at the dark water.
At other times, he would have friends with him and they would drink and laugh.
One time, James took a girl with him to the beach. They made a small fire and giggled quietly and whispered sweet nothings to each other, that Regulus couldn’t understand. Then they kissed. Regulus felt like his stomach had erupted into flames and to turn them off again he dived down, down, down, until he was back home.
Another time, James took a boy with him to the beach. They weren’t as gentle as it had been with the girl. They laughed louder, they shoved each other, friendly at first but stronger and stronger until they kissed, and they kissed wilder than he had with the girl.
The fire he had felt in his stomach the first time had been a candle compared to the inferno that took over his body this time.
He sunk down, but even the deepest depth wasn’t enough to turn this fire down.
Watching the humans and more importantly watching James, gave Regulus an opportunity to learn about them. He saw how they loved each other, they smiled, they hugged, they kissed, but he also saw how they fought with each other. They screamed and yelled at each other, thinking down at the beach no one could hear them. They cried and cried but in the end, they embraced each other again and seemed to be happy again.
How Regulus wished he could be one of them, part of that joy. He wanted to feel the different textures under his bare feet, the sand between his toes or the green grass his grandmother had told him about. He didn’t care what, as long as he could feel the sensation on his body. He wanted to feel a breeze of air on his skin, ruffling through his hair and live in that world that seemed so much bigger and more beautiful than his own. He wanted to be one of them.
What god had he angered that he was stuck in the endless blue, the endless cold and wet ocean with a fishtail instead of a pair of legs. Sometimes it felt as if he had been given the wrong body at birth, like he had been supposed to be a human but the gods made a mistake and now he was stuck half fish. If he could he would cry about that but he couldn’t and that was unchangeable.
Three years or so after he had found out the boy’s name he was sitting in front of his grandmother who was cutting his hair to keep it short like he preferred.
“What’s on your mind, my boy?”, his grandmother asked while chopping off another strand.
“Nothing”, Regulus mumbled, what of course was a lie. There barely passed a minute without him thinking about the human world. Thinking about James.
“Oh please”. His grandma set the knife down and swam in front of Regulus. He looked down so he didn’t have to look at her but she grabbed his chin with firm fingers and forced his head up. He found her grey eyes directly looking into his own.
“Are you thinking about up again?”
She knew. Her eyes told him. Why would he deny it now?
“Yes.”
“Well, you need to get it out of your head, it will only make you unhappy.”
Regulus scoffed. He felt all these emotion welling up inside him. Three years, and he hadn’t talked about his deepest desires with anyone. Why not tell a little?
“You know, I would give all these hundreds of years I still have to live to be human, even if it was just a day.”
His grandmother went silent and looked at him, not one emotion on her face. Then she swam behind him again. She gave him a smack on the head. Then she took the knife again and proceeded carefully cutting his black curls.
“Forget that nonsense immediately. That is only your youth speaking out of you. You will know better when you are older. Besides, you just would be even unhappier on land. Just if a human loves you so much, that you mean more to them than father and mother and that they want to marry you and vow you everlasting loyalty, only then you can have part of the joy of humanity. But that can never happen. With your fishtail they would consider you ugly on land, there you need a pair of legs to be beautiful.”
And with that she finishes cutting his hair and leaves Regulus to himself.
His urge to be human only becomes stronger after that. Regulus dreams of himself as human, James on his side, loving him, vowing him everlasting loyalty so they could be together forever.
One night, he just came back from the surface waiting for James who didn’t turn up, he lay in his bed awake, not able to sleep. And then the came up with an idea.
For a second time this night he sneaked past the guards. But this time he didn’t swim to the surface. Instead he went to the only place that was even more forbidden to him than the land.
In a cave at the very bottom of the sea, the sea witch lived. Albus Dumbledore was one of the oldest living mer people alive but he had been cast out of the council of the elder after performing dark magic. That had been forbidden in the kingdom since centuries but Regulus couldn’t think of another way out of his misery.
“Dumbledore”, Regulus whisper shouted and almost immediately the old man came swimming out of his cave. His fishtail was of a washed out red and his white hair and beard swam all around him like a cloud. He wore classes on his nose that once could’ve been gold but now were green and covered in algae.
“Well, well, well. Look who we have here. The youngest prince of our beloved kingdom”. The fake sprinkle of kindness in his soothing voice send a shiver down Regulus’ spine. If he didn’t know better, Dumbledore’s smile could have been calming but actually it looked like the smile of a snake.
“So young man. What can I do for you?”, Dumbledore asked, his voice dripping of poisoned honey. Although he asked the question, his blue eyes seemed to know the answer already.
“Legs”, Regulus choked out.
Dumbledore raises his eyebrows, amused.
“And can you ask that in a whole sentence?”
“I’d like to have legs. I want legs”, Regulus stopped for a second and thinks before talking again, “Actually, I need legs. More than that, I want to be able to live on land, I want to be a human and breathe air and walk on the ground and feel it all around me. I want to be part of the human’s joy”.
He felt a little breathless after vomiting out his wishes.
Dumbledore looked down at him, his face and eyes and smile looked even more snake-like than before.
“And what would you be ready to give for that?”, he asked suggestively.
Regulus answered without hesitation: “Anything. Everything”.
“Mh. I won’t demand everything from you. But are you aware that you will have to give up the long life you could live here and trade that for a short human life?”
Regulus nodded.
“Let’s add a condition. Unlike other humans, you will feel as if you were walking over blank knives at every step. Would it still be your wish?”
Again Regulus nodded, although this time slower. Even if he would feel pain at any moment, he would live his dream and that was what counts.
“Well then. I will give you the potion”
Regulus’ whole face lit up.
“But you will still have to pay me. I want something out if this too.”
“What do you want?”, Regulus blurted out.
“Once, at some festivity, I heard you sing. You really have the most beautiful voice.”, he paused for a second and looked Regulus deep in the eyes. “I want that”
Regulus breath seemed to get stuck in his throat.
Dumbledore turned his back to him and swam back into his cave. After some moments he returned, holding a small bottle in his hand. The liquid inside seem to shine, spreading white light.
“Do we have a deal?” Dumbledore asked.
And Regulus once again nodded.
“Use your words. It’s going to be your last time”
“Yes” said Regulus and Dumbledore handed him the bottle.
Suddenly, Regulus felt a jolt through his whole body and he felt sick as if he needed to throw up. A small gasp escaped his mouth.
He wanted to ask what the heck that was but when he opened his mouth and no sound came out, realisation dawned on him.
Dumbledore looked at him pitying.
“So, about this potion. You have to swim on land and drink it before sunrise then your tail will transform into the pair of legs that you desire so much. You cannot ever come back here and live as merman. But staying human has a condition: You will have win your dear prince’s heart and love and make him bound himself to you for the rest of your human lives. But if he marries someone else than you, you will die on his wedding day and become one with the foam on the sea.”
Regulus looked at him, shocked. Couldn’t he have said that before?
But would have changed that anything? Regulus thought about that for a second, and decides no. Even if he had known before he still would’ve taken the potion.
He nodded again and swam away.
When his head broke through the surface, the first drops of sunlight already danced over the water. He needed to hurry.
He reached the beach and quickly checked that no one was there. With his teeth he held the bottle while dragging his body over the sand. Finally, he flapped down on his back. He took a moment to breathe then he remembered the time pressure he was in. He sat up and looked at the bottle in his hands.
Regulus thought of taking this slow, he was leaving his whole life and family behind him.
But once he uncorked the bottle he threw that overboard. He put the mouth of the bottle on his lips and gulped down the liquid as if he was dying of thirst. Regulus drank it so greedily, some escaped his lips and ran down his chin, his throat, down his chest. He didn’t care. This cool liquid that tasted like nothing would fulfil his deepest wish and desire. Regulus didn’t care for the things he had to give for that, and he didn’t care about the conditions it brought. He didn’t even care for the pain the sea witch had promised him.
When he had emptied the bottle for every last drop, he put the bottle down and looked at himself. But there were no legs. Still just the shimmering green fishtail.
He wanted to cry, if he just knew how, and he wanted to scream, if he still could.
But then another jolt went through his body, just like before when Dumbledore took his voice. He felt a tingle on his skin, everywhere, spreading, so present and penetrating, it almost hurt.
Like hypnotised, he watched how the skin of his abdomen spread down, how all the emerald green scales turned into pale skin until the tingling stopped and instead of the fin he had hated, the water washed over a beautiful pair of elegant legs.
Regulus had never felt this euphoric his whole life.