PHENOMENON
When I opened my eyes in the morning, something was different.
It was the light. It was still the gloomy light of a cloudy day in the forest, but it was clearer somehow. I realized there was no fog obscuring my window.
I jumped up to look outside, and then groaned.
A fine layer of snow covered the yard, dusted the top of my truck, and whitened the road. But that wasn’t the worst part. All the rain from yesterday had frozen solid—coating the needles on the trees in crazy patterns, and making the driveway a deadly ice slick. I had enough trouble not falling down when the ground was dry; it might be safer for me to go back to bed now.
Lyall had left for work before I got downstairs. In a lot of ways, living with Lyall was like having my own place, and I found myself enjoying the space rather than feeling lonely.
I threw down a quick bowl of cereal and some orange juice from the carton. I felt excited to go to school, and that worried me. I knew it wasn’t the stimulating learning environment I was anticipating, or seeing my new set of friends. If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Sirius Black. And that was very, very stupid.
Maybe a few of the other girls were intrigued by the novelty of the new kid, but Sirius wasn’t a McKayla or a Mary. And most importantly he wasn't a girl. I was well aware that my league and his league were spheres that did not touch. I was already worried that just looking at his face was giving me unrealistic expectations that would haunt me for the rest of my life. Spending more time looking at him—watching his lips move, marveling at his skin, listening to his voice—was certainly not going to help with that. I didn’t exactly trust him anyway—why lie about his eyes? And of course, there was the whole thing where he might have at one point wanted me dead. So I should definitely not be excited to see him again.
It took every ounce of my concentration to make it down the icy brick driveway alive. I almost lost my balance when I finally got to the truck, but I managed to cling on to the side mirror and save myself. The sidewalks at school would be complex today… so much potential for humiliation.
My truck seemed to have no problem with the black ice that covered the roads. I drove very slowly, though, not wanting to carve a path of destruction through Main Street.
When I got out of my truck at school, I discovered why I’d had so little trouble. Something silver caught my eye, and I walked to the back of the truck—carefully holding the side for support—to examine my tires. There were thin chains crisscrossed in diamond shapes around them. Lyall had gotten up who knows how early to put snow chains on my truck.
I frowned, surprised that my throat suddenly felt tight. That wasn’t the way it was supposed to work. I probably should have been the one to think about putting chains on his tires, if I could figure out how to do that. Or at least I should have helped him with the chore. It wasn’t his job.…
Except that, actually, it kind of was. He was the parent. He was taking care of me, his son. That was how it worked in books and on TV shows, but it made me feel upside down in a strange way.
I was standing by the back corner of the truck, struggling to contain the sudden wave of emotion the snow chains had brought on, when I heard a strange sound.
It was a high-pitched screech, and almost as soon as I registered it, the sound was already painfully loud. I looked up, startled.
I saw several things simultaneously. Nothing was moving in slow motion, the way it does in the movies. Instead, the adrenaline rush seemed to make my brain work faster, and I was able to absorb in clear detail a few things all at once.
Sirius Black was standing four cars down from me, mouth open in horror. His face stood out from a sea of faces, all frozen in the same mask of shock. Also, a dark blue van was skidding, tires locked and squealing against the brakes, spinning wildly across the ice of the parking lot. It was going to hit the back corner of my truck, and I was standing between them. I didn’t even have time to close my eyes.
Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the van folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting. My head cracked against the icy blacktop, and I felt something solid and cold pinning me to the ground. I realized I was lying on the pavement behind the tan car I’d parked next to. But I didn’t have a chance to notice anything else, because the van was still coming. It had curled gratingly around the end of the truck and, still spinning and sliding, was about to collide with me again.
“Come on!” He said the words so quickly I almost missed them, but the voice was impossible not to recognize.
Two long, white hands shot out in front of me, and the van shuddered to a stop a foot from my face, his pale hands fitting exactly into a deep dent in the side of the van’s body.
Then his hands moved so fast they blurred. One was suddenly gripping under the body of the van, and something was dragging me, swinging my legs around like a rag doll’s, till they hit the tire of the tan car. There was a groaning metallic thud so loud it hurt my ears, and the van settled, glass popping, onto the asphalt—exactly where, a second ago, my legs had been.
It was absolutely silent for one long second. Then the screaming started. In the abrupt chaos, I could hear more than one person shouting my name. But more clearly than all the yelling, I could hear Sirius Black’s low, frantic voice in my ear.
“Remus? Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” My voice sounded strange. I tried to sit up, and realized he was holding me against the side of his body. I must have been more traumatized than I realized, because I couldn’t budge his arm at all. Was I weak with shock?
“Be careful,” he warned as I struggled. “I think you hit your head pretty hard.”
I became aware of a throbbing ache centered above my left ear.
“Ow,” I said, surprised.
“That’s what I thought.” Nothing seemed funny to me, but it sounded like he was trying not to laugh.
“How in the…” I trailed off, trying to clear my head, get my bearings.
“How did you get over here so fast?”
“I was standing right next to you, Remus,” he said, his voice suddenly serious again.
I turned to sit up, and this time he helped me, but then he slid as far from me as he could in the limited space. I looked at his concerned, innocent expression, and was disoriented again by his gold-colored eyes. What was I asking him?
And then they found us, a crowd of people with tears streaming down their faces, shouting at each other, shouting at us.
“Don’t move,” someone instructed.
“Get Taylor out of the van!” someone else shouted. There was a flurry of activity around us. I tried to get up, but Sirius’s hand pushed my shoulder down.
“Just stay put for now.”
“But it’s cold,” I complained. It surprised me when he chuckled under his breath. There was an edge to the sound.
“You were over there,” I suddenly remembered, and his chuckle stopped short. “You were by your car.”
His expression hardened abruptly. “No, I wasn’t.”
“I saw you.” Everything around us was confusion. I could hear the lower voices of adults arriving on the scene. But I stubbornly held on to the argument; I was right, and he was going to admit it.
“Remus, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way.”
He stared at me, and something strange happened. It was like the gold of his eyes turned up, like his eyes were drugging me, hypnotizing me. It was devastating in a weird, exciting way. But hi expression was anxious. I thought he was trying to communicate something crucial.
“But that’s not what happened,” I said weakly. The gold in his eyes blazed again. “Please, Remus.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Trust me?” he pleaded.
I could hear the sirens now. “Will you explain everything to me later?” “Fine,” he snapped, suddenly exasperated.
“Okay,” I mumbled, unable to process his mood swings with everything else I was trying to come to terms with. What was I supposed to think, when what I remembered was impossible?
It took six EMTs and two teachers—Ms. Varner and Coach Clapp—to shift the van far enough away from us to bring the stretchers in. Sirius insisted he hadn’t been touched, and I tried to do the same, but he was quick to contradict me. He told them I’d hit my head, and then made it sound worse than it was, throwing around words like concussion and hemorrhage. I wanted to die when they put on the neck brace. It looked like the entire school was there, watching soberly as they loaded me in the back of the ambulance. Sirius got to ride in the front. It was a thousand times more humiliating than I’d imagined today would be, and I hadn’t even made it to the sidewalk.
To make matters worse, Chief Lupin arrived before they could get me safely away.
“Remus!” he yelled in panic when he recognized me on the stretcher.
“I’m completely fine, Lya—Dad,” I sighed. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”
He rounded on the closest EMT for a second opinion. While the EMT tried to talk him down, I tuned them out to consider the jumble of absurd images churning in my head—images that were not possible. When they’d lifted me away from the car, I had seen the deep dent in the tan car’s bumper—a very distinct dent that fit the shape of Sirius' shoulders… as if he had braced himself against the car with enough force to damage the metal frame.…
And then there was his family, looking on from a distance, with expressions that ranged from Narcissa's disapproval to Bellatrix's fury, but held no hint of concern for their brother’s safety.
I remembered the sensation of almost flying through the air… that hard mass that had pinned me to the ground… Sirius’s hand under the frame of the van, like it was holding the van off the ground…
I tried to think of a logical explanation that could make sense of what I had just seen. All I could come up with was that I was having a psychotic episode. I didn’t feel crazy, but maybe crazy people always felt sane.
Naturally, the ambulance got a police escort to the county hospital. I felt ridiculous the whole time they were unloading me. What made it worse was that Sirius simply glided through the hospital doors on his own.
They put me in the emergency room, a long room with a line of beds separated by pastel-patterned curtains. A nurse put a pressure cuff on my arm and a thermometer under my tongue. Since no one bothered pulling the curtain around to give me some privacy, I decided I wasn’t obligated to wear the embarrassing neck brace anymore. As soon as the nurse walked away, I quickly unfastened the Velcro and threw it under the bed.
There was another flurry of hospital personnel, another stretcher brought to the bed next to me. I recognized Taylor Crowley from my Government class beneath the bloodstained bandages wrapped tightly around her head. Taylor looked a hundred times worse than I felt. But she was staring anxiously at me.
“Remus, I’m so sorry!”
“I’m fine, Taylor—you look awful, are you all right?” As we spoke, nurses began unwinding her bloody bandages, exposing dozens of shallow slices all over her forehead and left cheek.
She ignored me. “I thought I was going to kill you! I was going too fast, and I hit the ice wrong.…” She winced as one nurse started dabbing at her face.
“Don’t worry about it; you missed me.”
“How did you get out of the way so fast? You were there, and then you were gone.…”
“Umm… Sirius shoved me out of the way.”
She looked confused. “Who?”
“Sirius Black—he was standing next to me.” As usual, I didn’t sound believable at all.
“Sirius? I didn’t see him… wow, it was all so fast, I guess. Is he okay?”
“I think so. He’s here somewhere, but they didn’t make him use a stretcher.”
I knew I wasn’t crazy. What had happened? There was no way to explain away what I’d seen.
They wheeled me away then, to X-ray my head. I told them there was nothing wrong, and I was right. Not even a concussion. I asked if I could leave, but the nurse said I had to talk to a doctor first. So I was trapped in the ER, harassed by Taylor’s constant apologies and promises to make it up to me. No matter how many times I tried to convince her I was fine, she continued to beg for forgiveness. Finally, I closed my eyes and tried to ignore her.
“Is he sleeping?” a musical voice asked. My eyes flew open.
Sirius was standing at the foot of my bed, his expression more a smirk than a smile. I stared at him, trying to put the pieces together in my head. He didn’t look like someone who could stop attacking vehicles with his bare hands. But then, he also didn’t look like anyone I’d ever seen before.
“Hey, um, Sirius, I’m really sorry—” Taylor began.
Sirius lifted a hand to stop her.
“No blood, no foul,” he said, flashing his bright white teeth. He moved to sit on the edge of Taylor’s bed, facing me. He smirked again.
“So, what’s the verdict?” he asked me.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, but they won’t let me go,” I said. “How come you aren’t strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?”
“It’s all about who you know,” he answered. “But don’t worry, I came to spring you.”
Then a doctor walked around the corner, and my mouth fell open. He was young, he had dark hair… and he was more beautiful than any movie star I’d ever seen. He was pale, though, and tired-looking, with circles under his dark eyes. From Lyall’s description, this had to be Sirius' dad.
“So, Mr. Lupin,” Dr. Black asked in a gentle voice, “how are you feeling?”
“I’m fine,” I said, for the last time, I hoped.
He walked to the lightboard on the wall over my head, and turned it on.
“Your X-rays look good,” he said. “Does your head hurt? Sirius said you hit it pretty hard.”
“It’s fine,” I repeated with a sigh, throwing a quick, questioning look Sirius' way. He avoided my eyes.
The doctor’s cool fingers probed lightly along my skull. He noticed when I winced.
“Tender?” he asked.
“Not really.” I’d had worse.
I heard a low laugh, and looked over to see Sirius smiling.
“Well, your father is in the waiting room—you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all.”
“Can’t I go back to school?” I asked, imagining Lyall trying to play nurse.
“Maybe you should take it easy today.”
I glanced at Sirius. “Does he get to go to school?”
“Someone has to spread the good news that we survived,” Sirius said blithely.
“Actually,” Dr. Cullen corrected, “most of the school seems to be in the waiting room.”
“Ugh,” I moaned.
Dr. Cullen raised her eyebrows. “Do you want to stay?”
“No, no!” I insisted, throwing my legs over the side of the bed and hopping down quickly. Too quickly—I staggered, and Dr. Cullen caught me. He was sturdier than he looked.
“I’m fine,” I assured him again. No need to explain that my balance problems had nothing to do with hitting my head.
“Take some Tylenol for the pain,” he suggested as he steadied me.
“It doesn’t hurt that bad,” I insisted.
“It sounds like you were extremely lucky,” Dr. Cullen said, smiling as he signed my chart with a flourish.
“Lucky Sirius just happened to be standing next to me,” I amended, shooting another glance at the subject of my statement.
“Oh, well, yes,” Dr. Cullen agreed, suddenly occupied with the papers in front of h. Then he looked away, at Taylor, and walked to the next bed. It made me sure the doctor was in on it.
“I’m afraid that you’ll have to stay with us just a little bit longer,” he said to Taylor, and began checking her cuts.
As soon as the doctor’s back was turned, I moved to Sirius' side.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I whispered under my breath. He took a step back from me, his jaw suddenly clenched.
“Your father is waiting for you,” he said through her teeth.
I glanced at Dr. Cullen and Taylor.
“I need to speak with you alone,” I pressed.
He glared—but it wasn’t the same as that first day, not nearly as homicidal, so I just waited. After a second, he turned his back and stalked quickly down the long room. Long as my legs are, I nearly had to run to keep up. As soon as we turned the corner into a short hallway, he spun around to face me.
“What do you want?” he asked, sounding annoyed. His eyes were cold.
His unfriendliness intimidated me. My words came out with less certainty than I’d planned. “You owe me an explanation,” I reminded him.
“I saved your life—I don’t owe you anything.”
I flinched back from the resentment in his voice. “Why are you acting like this?”
“Remus, you hit your head, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” His tone was cutting.
His anger only made me more sure that I was right, though. “There’s nothing wrong with my head.”
He turned up the heat of his glare. “What do you want from me, Remus?”
“I want to know the truth,” I said. “I want to know why I’m lying for you.”
“What do you think happened?” he snapped.
It was harder to say the words out loud, where I could hear the crazy. It shook my conviction, but I tried to keep my voice even and calm.
“I know that you weren’t standing next to me—Taylor didn’t see you, either, so it’s not concussion damage. That van was going to crush us both —but it didn’t. It looked like your hands left dents in the side of it—and your shoulders left a dent in the other car, but you’re not hurt at all. The van should have smashed my legs, but you were holding it up.…” It just kept sounding worse and worse. I couldn’t continue.
He was staring at me, his eyes wide and incredulous. But he couldn’t entirely hide the tension, the defensiveness.
“You think I lifted a van off you?” His tone questioned my sanity, but there was something off. It was like a line delivered by a skilled actor—so hard to doubt, but at the same time, the frame of the movie screen reminded you nothing was actually real.
I just nodded once.
He smiled, hard and mocking. “Nobody will believe that, you know.”
“I’m not going to tell anybody.”
Surprise flitted across his face, and the smile faded. “Then why does it matter?”
“It matters to me,” I said. “I don’t like to lie—so there’d better be a good reason why I’m doing it.”
“Can’t you just thank me and get over it?”
“Thank you,” I said, and then folded my arms. Waiting.
“You’re not going to let it go, are you?”
“Nope.”
“In that case… I hope you enjoy disappointment.”
He scowled at me, and I stared back, thoughts scattered by how beautiful his anger was. I was the first to speak, trying to keep myself focused. I was in danger of being totally distracted. It was like trying to stare down a destroying angel.
“If you were going to be like this about it,” I said, “why did you even bother?”
He paused, and for a brief moment his perfect face was unexpectedly vulnerable.
“I don’t know,” he whispered.
And then he turned his back on me and walked away.
It took me a few minutes until I was able to move. When I could walk, I made my way slowly to the exit at the end of the hallway.
The waiting room was unpleasant, like I’d expected. It seemed like every face I knew in Forks was there, staring at me. Lyall rushed to my side; I put up my hands.
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” I assured him, abruptly aggravated by the whole crazy situation.
“What did the doctor say?”
“Dr. Cullen saw me, and he said I was fine and I could go home.” McKayla, Peter and Mary were all there, beginning to converge on us. “Let’s go,” I urged.
Lyall put one arm out toward me, like he thought I needed support. I retreated quickly toward the exit doors, waving halfheartedly at my friends. Hopefully they would forget about this by tomorrow.
Unlikely.
It was a huge relief—the first time I’d ever felt that way—to get into the cruiser.
We drove in silence. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I barely knew Lyall was there. I was positive that Sirius defensive behavior in the hall was a confirmation of the bizarre things I still could hardly believe I’d seen.
When we got to the house, Lyall finally spoke.
“Um… you’ll need to call Hope.” He hung his head, guilty.
I was appalled. “You told Mom?”
“Sorry.”
I slammed the cruiser’s door a little harder than necessary on my way out.
My mom was in hysterics, of course. I had to tell her I felt fine at least thirty times before she would calm down. She begged me to come home— forgetting the fact that home was empty at the moment—but her pleas were easier to resist than I would have thought. I was consumed by the mystery Sirius presented. And more than a little obsessed with Sirius himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I wasn’t as eager to escape Forks as I should be, as any normal, sane person would be.
I decided I might as well go to bed early that night. Lyall continued to watch me anxiously, and it was getting on my nerves. I stopped on my way to grab three Tylenol from the bathroom. They did help, and, as the pain eased, I drifted to sleep.
That was the first night I dreamed about Sirius Black.