The great hall is bustling as it is every morning, children of different houses having lively conversations and the clink and clank of cutlery as they ate their breakfast, the morning became livelier as messenger owls started dropping parcels and letters
James is having an animated conversation with Sirius who seconds him with wild gestures and their group laughs, a letter dropped in front of him and though a little confused and surprised to whom the letter came from, he picks it up to inspect
"Oh it's from Effie" Sirius lean over to him to also see the letter
"Yeah, I wonder why though"
"C'mon open it"
James carefully opens the envelope,he reads silently then he stands up, jaws dropping as he reads
"Mate? What's wrong?" Sirius started to get worried
"I'm…" James swallows, tears started beading on his eyelids
"Mate? Everything okay? Why are you crying?" Remus asks now also concerned
"Jamie what's wrong? Did something happen?" Peter had his hand on James' shoulder
"I…Sirius..Sirius…we're…"
"What James? What?"
"We're gonna be a big brother"
James says with a low voice still full of disbelief, Remus and Peter lets out a gasp
"Big brother? What?"
"Pads…mum is having a baby, she's pregnant , we're gonna be a big brother!"
Sirius blinks and then it sinks in and then suddenly both boys let's out a happy scream
"Godric! For real? For real?" Sirius bounced on his toes
"Yes! Yes!" James lets out a wet laughter
"Congratulations!" Remus has wide smile happy for the both of them
"Congratulations mate" Peter tap on James' back
Saying James is excited is an understatement, he's ecstatic, it's two months before summer vacation and by that time Effie would already be six months along, He had already imagined what he can do the moment his sibling comes to the world
—----
"Mum said it's gonna be a girl" James is currently with Regulus in the astronomy tower
"A little sister huh.."
"Oh she's going to be the prettiest little girl! She will be wonderful!"
Regulus can't help but just stare at James as his eyes twinkle at every word
" I know you already had plans with Andy and Dora for the summer, but do you think you guys can squeeze in for a baby shower?" James asks him
"You're planning a baby shower for Effie?"
"Yep"
"That's so sweet James, I'll ask Andy and Dora , I'm sure they'll love to go"
"You're the best, love… do… do you think I'll be a good big brother?"
Regulus stares a him
"It's absurd for you to think you'll be anything but the best, maybe you'll annoy them, big brothers are the most annoying human being you can ever get stuck with"
"Speaking from experience?"
"Oh shut up!" Regulus gave James a playful shove, before taking cupping his cheeks on both palms
"I know you will be the best big brother for your little sister, You have too much love in you and she's gonna be so lucky to also be part of that love"
Regulus isn't the type to say the most sappiest of things, but he can wax poetic about James Potter, it would really be absurd for anyone to know James and not love him
"Reggie, why are you making me cry, I love you"
"Cry baby"
James had leaned on him head on his shoulder as they watch the stars
—---------
" Moony look,this is so cute! The baby would be so pretty in this!" Remus fondly rolled his eyes, they have been roaming around Hogsmeade for quite some time and found a little shop filled with accessories and cosmetics, it's a fairly new one too
Sirius found a section filled with bows and hair clips and he had been running around collecting the prettiest items he can find and currently he's showing him a big purple bow with accents and he can admit it is a good pick
" You're right, the baby will look pretty in that"
"Oh she's gonna be the prettiest! I'll braid her hair when she's old enough and…"
He continues to ramble, and Remus just finds it endearing, both James and Sirius being overly excited about the baby and apparently getting everyone on making a baby shower for Effie once they're home for summer
They're still in the isle with bows and clips and Remus can't help but check on some items as well and he noticed a small star clip, it's simple, made of metal with a little shimmering coat , Remus pins it on Sirius hair
"Moony? What did you…?" Sirius checks himself on the small mirror perched on one of the shelves
"Oh it's so pretty, I'm getting this! Thankyou Moony!"
They went out of the store with a large bag of purchase, the star hair clip on Sirius' hair and his continued chatter about the baby girl
Remus just knows that the little one will be so full of love
—-------------
"Prongs, Padfoot, everything's ready settled!" Peter informs them the moment they entered their dorm
"Really?"
"Yep! We got the decors, Marlene and Mary are on the cake and food , Regulus told me he'll take care of the invites and Lily and Dorcas are on the flowers"
"Peter! Did we ever tell you that you're heaven sent? Thank You so much mate" James tackled Peter into a hug , he really has good knack for arranging and planning events and parties, he's the best
"Effie will have the best baby shower!" Sirius chimes in
"With you both running around excitedly when summer hasn't even arrived yet" it's Remus
"Says the one who asked Pandora to teach him how to crochet, don't hide it Moony, I saw the crochet basket under your bed" James threw him an empty box of chocolate frogs
"Sod off Prongs!" Remus has a wide grin on and pink on his cheeks
"Moony you crochet? Let us see! Let us see!" Sirius jumps on Remus' bed coaxing his boyfriend to give up
"Way to ruin the surprise, honestly…" Remus grins and rolls his eyes as he ducks down and takes out the basket, balls of yarn piling in it and crochet hooks sticking out , he dugged up an unfinished figure made of black yarn and a small finished figure
"Still working on the others and only finished one"
"Oh Remus, this… it's a plush stag" James hugged the finished plush to his chest
"Moony, this is a dog…and the grey yarn, you're making a rat aren't you?" Sirius has a fond gaze
"You're making us, in plushies" James tackles Remus,who lets out a yelp as Sirius also hug tackled him
"You're so sweet Moony" Sirius buried his face on the crook of Remus
"Okay off both you, you're gonna suffocate him" Peter says and the two scrambled out of the huh
"Thanks Pete"
"Yeah, we still need you alive to finish the plushies"
"You guys are really the best!" Sirius claims
"Mum will have the best time of her life!"
"Only the best for the best mother in the world!"
—---------
Summer arrived and all of them huddled in one train car going through what they've been planning for months
James and Sirius vibrating in excitement,the whole train ride, they have to be coaxed by both Remus and Regulus to sit down
And alas their awaited time came when the train stopped and the door opened
Students start unloading , greeting their families who came to pick them up
James has his hold on Regulus' hand as he waited with bated breath to see his mum and dad, and when they're finally insight, Regulus was pulled by an enthusiastic James towards the couple
"Ah! Boys, there you are" Fleamont was the first to greet them
"Dad!" James greeted which was received by a loving pat on the shoulder and a side hug
"Hello Monty" Regulus receives a ruffle on the head
"Monty!" Sirius also get a ruffle on his head
"Oh my boys, I'm so happy to see you all atlast" Effie greets them, wearing a beautiful baby blue sundress with a matching hat and her belly already showing
"Oh mum!" James gave his mother a warm embrace
"Hello sweetheart" Effie gave him a kiss on the cheeks as they pulled away
"Effie!" Sirius also gave his hug
"Hello Effie" Regulus kissed her cheek
"My lovely darlings"
"Oh mum, you're glowing" James is the first to sniff
"Charmer…"
"Can I?" He gestured to the bump
"Of course darling"
James gingerly put a palm on his mother's bump and gasps in joy as he felt a small thump
"She kicked! She's kicking" James is now full on crying
"She did?" Sirius looked at Effie who gave him a nod, as well as Regulus
Both boys letting out a surprised laugh as they feel the thumping
"Oh Effie, congratulations!" Regulus says still in awe
"Effie, this is so amazing!" Sirius is also sniffing
Euphemia lets out a touched laughed at her boy's reaction, they really are the sweetest, she has wiped their tears and pat their cheeks
"Now now, dry your tears and let's go home, we have a lot to talk about, Regulus sweetheart, I know you already have plans to spend your summer with Andromeda but you visit us okay?"
"Of course Effie"
"Invite Andy and little Dora too sweetie okay?"
" Of course, I'll see you soon"
"Say hi to Andy for me love" James gave him a peck on the cheeks
"Yeah"
"Oi James, don't snog my baby brother while I'm here it's traumatizing " Sirius chides
"Really? You're the one who was snogging Remus on the train, did you hear me complain?"
"Just come here, rascal! See you soon"
Sirius squeezed him into a hug and they pull away and Regulus gives one last greeting before walking away to meet Andromeda at the entrance where Ted's muggle car is parked
"Let's go boys" Fleamont lead them to the floo area where they flooed to the Potter Manor
Their summer starts…
—-------------
Euphemia wakes up to some noise in her kitchen and dining area, Fleamont was also awake as her bedside is empty
She carefully trekked down the stairs and she was greeted by the smell of freshly baked muffins and bacon as well as tea, she smiled fondly as she saw her boys preparing breakfast, James transferring the muffins to cooling trays, Sirius concentrated on not burning the bacon and eggs he's frying and Monty brewing the tea, she ran a hand on her bump
Her new darling is gonna be filled with love, it's all surreal for her, she was told that James would be the only child she would be conceiving, but when the healer had told her about the little miracle, she and Monty are on cloud nine, the worry and the underlying fright overpowered by joy and pride, much like when they both knew they'll be having James, much like when Sirius called her mum the first time and many more things that made her heart full, her little girl would have all the love in the world , she was sure of that
"Effie? Love, good morning, sit down now dear" Monty guided her to sit at the table,kissing her cheek and hand and also running a hand on the bump
"Have you slept well darling?" Her husband asks as he set down a cup of her sweet ginger tea infront of her
"The best sleep" she replied in turn kissing his cheek
"Mum, good morning" James sets the tray of muffin on the table
"Good morning sweetie"
"Morning Effie!" Sirius sets down a plate of bacon and eggs infront of her
"You boys should've woken me up"
"Aih! No mum, see we handled breakfast very well and we will also be handling the rest , you can sit down all day" James protests
"Yes Effie, we will do the day to day chores from now on, you don't have to lift a finger! You just have to take care of yourself and the little bean" Sirius seconds
"You boys are so sweet and I appreciate you doing that, but leave some for me to do, I'll be bored" she jokes
"Let the boys do it Effie, you ought to relax my dear, even the doctors said that nothing too strenuous"
"Don't worry mum, we'll make sure you're not bored"
"Yes Effie! With us here, you will never have a time to be bored!"
Euphemia lets out a hearty laugh, oh how much she loves them
And true to their word,James and Sirius would do the chores, Monty makes sure she barely stand up from where she sat and would find creative ways to entertain her
She also finds herself owling Hope Lupin as well as Andromeda Tonks, both she became very good friends with, and through letters would they communicate and sometimes gossip, and Regulus also visited , he accompanied her and she had convinced her to knit with him and also talk about the latest book Regulus is reading, even Remus once visited her and even showed her that he's into crocheting showing her his latest project
Of course with Remus and Regulus visiting James and Sirius' energy doubled, Euphemia found the playful bantering and the sweet gestures more entertaining and endearing, young love in it's pureness is the best to see
She finds herself content and comfortable as she caress her growing bump, her baby girl as peaceful as her , sure that she can already feel how loved she is
—---------
She was nearing her seventh month when Monty surprised her with the nursery, James and Sirius alongside some of their friends helped with the clearing out and cleaning up
She cried in her husband's arms, hormonal and emotional, touched at the sentiment as the crib at the center of the room is James' old crib, the rocking chair as well as the toy horse was James' too, it's amazing how well kept they are
"Oh Monty, this is so wonderful"
"I'm glad you love it darling"
They stood admiring the room, letting it sink in that everything is real now, they're about to have their little girl, just a couple of months
"I love you" Euphemia whisphered lovingly
"I love you too" Fleamont gives her a kiss on the brow
—--------------
James and Sirius is ecstatic, it's a day before their planned baby shower and they plan to fix up the garden where they'll be having the party, Peter would be dropping by later to deliver the decor so that they can easily start the decorations by the morning, Remus would be dropping by as well, helping with the clearing up and Regulus to deliver the invitation
Monty had agreed to distract Effie next morning and hold off going home after their appointment for check up at St.Mungos, giving them loads of time to decorate and prepare
Their morning started as usual, with James, Sirius and Fleamont in the kitchen, Effie waking up to find them all preparing breakfast, it's a little rainy however, and the clouds are heavy, but this doesn't dampen the mood, the usual chatter and morning banters
"Ah, my dear, by the way I'll be out until evening today" Fleamont informed his wife
"Something in the company?" She asked
"Just gonna inspect some of the new annexes and branches, and some of the sales and production"
"Hmmm, you have a great day at work darling, are you leaving after breakfast?"
"Thanks love, yes I'll be going, boys… I'll see you later, You take care of your mother and your little sister"
"Of course Dad"
"Don't worry we can handle this!"
He gave the boys a small wink knowing what the plans are for both today and tomorrow
After breakfast,Effie kissed him goodbye by the fireplace before he floo
"You alright darling? Anything troubling you, love?" He asks noticing the furrowed brows of his wife
"It's nothing darling, I'm just worried about you , you have a safe day alright? "
"Oh sweetheart, you have nothing to worry about, I will be safe, you relax yourself and take care alright?"
Euphemia sighed, assured and fond and gave her husband another peck on the cheek
"Fine, I'll have great day, I'll see you later"
"I'll see you as well love"
It was after lunch and she's sat in her study writing a letter to Hope, she was halfway through the letter when she heard James and Sirius from the garden, she looked at them from the large window of her study and shook her head at their roughhousing, the sky is still a little heavy and it seems like it will be a downpour but she'll call them in later
She continued gazing outside and her eyes drooped, a small nap would be alright
She woke up to the sound of the rain, she's right about the downpour, she just hopes her boys didn't try to shower under the rain, the last time that happened she had two sick boys for a week, she stood up to check on them, she grabbed the edge of her table for a boost, her back a little sore,she stretched her back a bit
A light cramp on her stomach made her hiss, it seems her little girl is restless today, the cramping eventually subsided and she went to see what James and Sirius are up too as it's a little quiet
She's halfway down the stairs when she heard the light chatter in the sitting room
"James? Sirius?" She called for them and not even a second she can already hear their footsteps, hurried and heavy , they met her halfway at the stairs, James putting out a hand for her to hold and Sirius too gingerly placed a hand on her arm as they guided her down
"Hello mum, we thought you're still resting, did we wake you up?"
"I was already awake darling, but you two seemed quiet today" she looks at them with a brown raised
They both looked at each other and Euphemia knows they're hiding something, especially with that glint in their eyes
"What are you boys up to?"
"Oh nothing mum, just some pranks we're thinking of when we come back to school" James grins at her sheepishly
"Yes, ehmm would you like tea? I'll make you one" Sirius scampers to the kitchen leaving James and Effie who's laughing at their antics
They reached the landing, and Effie leans a bit on the railing and catch her breath, she really did forget that easily getting tired is part of pregnancy
"Mum, you okay?" James asks rubbing a soothing hand on her shoulder
"Yes dear Im…" A sharp stinging pain shoot through her belly, she lets out a yelp and she buckles
"Mum!mum! What's wrong?What hurts?" James did catch her and they both sank on the floor, the pain doubled and her heart started to get gripped by fear, it's ringing in her head like alarms, something is wrong
"Mum, you're bleeding…Sirius! Sirius, help!" James yells for Sirius as Euphemia starts to grunt in pain, she can hear the panic in her son's voice and the panicked footsteps from Sirius
"Oh Godric! What happened?"
"I don't know! But something's wrong, we need to get her to St.Mungos"
"Okay! Okay!"
"Hey mum, we're gonna get you some help okay? It's gonna be okay"
Euphemia felt herself being lifted off the floor, then Sirius' trembling voice and then green flashes and then white
—----------
James is pacing, hands still trembling and heart racing, praying to whatever heavens that his mum and little sister is fine , Sirius isn't faring better, as he restlessly sit on the on the bench
James never felt this scared before, his whole body in alert and his heart pounding in his head, the moment his mum doubled over, and he saw blood, his veins felt cold and icy…
They've been waiting for quite some time, and it's another half hour when a healer comes out an approached them
"How's my mum? And my little sister?" James asks a little frantic, Sirius jumps to his feet , same questions running in his head
The healer hung her head a bit and both boys can feel their world shift and shatter
"We've done everything we can, but… we have to choose"
"Choose?" Sirius' voice breaks
"Can anyone of you sign this waiver"
"M-my dad, but he's not…here yet"
"We would have to hurry"
"Why would we need a waiver? What for?" Sirius is getting impatient
"It's consent to choose, either the mother or the baby"
"What do you mean? Why choose?" James felt his eyes widen
"If we don't choose now, we might not able to save either" the healer tells them urgency in her voice
You...you're making us choose which one to live or…" Sirius' eyes widen in horror he felt sick to his stomach
"Yes" came the hurried reply
James felt his world shatter beneath his feet, to choose who to live…Two lives put into his hands
"Mr. Potter!" The healer is already in a haste
"Is there nothing else you can really do?" James' voice trembles, he almost winced at it, his hands shakes
"I'm very sorry, but we need to do this now"
"No, why would you let him do that? Are you…"
"Sirius,I'll do it" Sirius looks at James, and seeing his eyes, he knows he already had a decision
James now felt like an automaton, everything feels like white noise and his background is a big void , he reached for the pen and the parchment and he signs, his voice weak
"My mum…" he says looking blankly at the healer
The healer nodded somberly and went back to the room
"James…" was only what Sirius can say, he held on to James' hand, and he felt the other tighten his hold
The sudden silence ate at them …
—------
When Fleamont Potter received an owl from St.Mungos, he felt fear , worry and panic mix in his chest, immediately, he called his assistant and told him to finish up and cancel the remaining appointments for the day, he hurries to floo to St.Mungos
It wasn't long until he sees the two boys outside the delivery and his heart breaks
Both boys are pale in the face, Sirius' eyes red rimmed, shoulders tensed and then James… James stares blankly at the door of the room hands balled into fists
"Boys" he calls them, it was Sirius who moved to look at him
"Monty" came the weak reply
"What's the news?" He asked them
Sirius pursed his lips before, his hand tight around James
"Still inside " James' voice is almost inaudible and Fleamont took a deep shaky breath, a hand landing on both boy's shoulders
They look at him with haunted expressions, James' eyes are vacant and he looks away to continue staring at the door
They wait in silence again and then a doctor comes out , she informs them that Effie is already in recovery and they can see her if wanted, but she didn't mention anything about the baby and even without the words to confirm, Fleamont already had a conclusion of what happened
They had settled his wife first and the boys were left to look at her as he steps out to speak to the healer,
Grief washes over him when they had confirmed
Their darling little girl, gone
Fleamont got out of the healer's office with with dread, his heart heavy in his chest
Euphemia is placed in a private recovery room, Sirius sat on the sofa, curling to himself , James also on the sofa, eyes trained on the window, the downpour of rain hitting the glass
When his wife came to, he took hold of her hand, he looked at her softly
"How are you feeling love?"
"Monty?.. What happened, where's the baby? Our little girl?" She asked hopeful
Fleamont tried to hold back a sob, his hold on her hand tightened, he wouldn't want to be the one to bring her the news , wouldn't want to see all the hope in her eyes however …
"Oh Darling, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" was all he was able to utter and he had to see how the little hope in her wife's yes diminish and anguish filled them
"No, no…she's healthy, she was still lively, She kicked! No…No …No…" she fell boneless in his embrace, she lets out a devastating wail , painful that he wishes he could take away
He knows he couldn't, and he had never felt powerless
—-------------
James saw his mum wake up, he heard her wailing…
And James stood up from his seat and went out of the room, he walked the silent hallway the scent of healing potions and draughts felt unpleasant in his nose, he went to the lavatory, splashes himself with the cold water
The image of his mum crying painfully with grief and the weight of the pen that he can still feel in his hand as he signed the waiver
He signed his little sister's death
He chose to…
His decision made his poor dear mother to weep
What has he done?
He choked a sob and a shaky breath and suddenly tears starts to blur his vision and he can't stop, he can't stop them, he leans on the cold tiled wall as he slides down the floor
"James" he hears his name
"Oh James"
It's Sirius, who gathers him into his arms
"Sirius, I…it's… I did this" he clutched tight on Sirius
"Shhh, you did nothing wrong James, it's not your fault"
"I did! I signed it, I signed the paper and I told them, It's all my fault "
Sirius lets James cry until he's exhausted himself,
He let James lean on him as he had coaxed him up to go back to Effie's room, Monty had just tucked his wife who already fell into a fitful sleep
"Sirius, James…" he starts but halts as James curls into Sirius and wouldn't look at his dad,
"Monty, I…I think I'll take him home for tonight"
"Of course son, This has been a very long day for all of us, rest, alright?" Sirius gave him a nod and he again took James' arm to lead him outside
"I'll walk you both to floo"
James stayed quiet, catatonic,that he just follows everything Sirius does
"We'll stop by in the Morning, I… I'm so sorry Monty" Sirius held back his tears
"No my boy, you both have been very brave today and I'm relieved that you are both here with your mum and for each other "
"I.." Sirius just nods his head not knowing what to say
"See you tomorrow, James" Monty took his son in his arms, but he didn't move to return the hug
"You've been very very brave son, thankyou" Fleamont tightened his arms around his son but James did not respond
"We'll see you tomorrow morning Monty" Sirius took hold of James' arm after Monty pulled away from the hug
Fleamont helped them floo home and when they landed in the fireplace, he brought James to his room
"Rest tonight Prongs" he whispered in his ear and leaving a kiss on his forehead before going to his own room
The silence of the house is deafening, haunting , he never thought he'd experience this type of cold silence in a home he has always known as warm and lively
With shaky hands, he takes out a parchment and a quill, he starts writing to Remus and Regulus
—---------
Everything is a blur, even when him and Sirius landed on their fireplace,James barely registered anything,
Sirius tells him something but it's like he's underwater, he lays him on his bed and James felt like he's laying on a cold stone
"You've been very very brave son, thankyou"
James felt himself shatter at those words
This is all his fault
Why would his dad thank him?
Stop thanking me
I signed and I'm scared
I'm so sorry
James stared in the darkness of his room, is this how it feels when a dementor takes your soul? Drained, just drained and empty
—------------
"Oh James" he heard his name being called, he slowly opens his eyes,the room is still dim but some rays had come in through the blind
"You awake?" There's a warm caress on his hair and cheek
"Regulus?"
"Hey"
Regulus' hand clutched tight on his as he kneels by the bed,and the dam breaks
"Reggie, I…I didn't save her" he sounds so broken and Regulus wants to curse the heavens for making James this way
"No, love…nothing is your fault"
"Why does everyone think that?" his voice rising
"James"
"Didn't you hear what I said? I didn't save her! I signed the waiver, My mum was wailing, I can still hear it! I caused her to be like that, My dad looks so devastated,and it's all because of one fucked up decision I have to fucking make!"
Regulus can only let James fall on him as he cry out, he knows what happened, Sirius had told him and Remus when they arrived,
Regulus' heart breaks for James, for Effie and for the little joy that was taken even before she can see the world, He can't imagine why these wonderful people have to experience the worst
Regulus can only hold him through it
—------
Euphemia sat on her bed, her darling husband patiently spoon feeding her the soup James and Sirius brought for her this morning, both boys greeted her but all went into silence
She woke up numb, after the initial shock of the events last night, she can only feel numbness,
It's different from all of the false hopes of conceiving she had before she had James,
To feel her alive and to feel the flutter of her movement as she grows inside her,and suddenly that got ripped away,her baby girl taken even before she can hold her and before she can even see the world,
She's numb,her heart ripped out of her the same way her baby was
Her husband had been nothing but caring, supportive and loving on everything, but she can see the grief in his soft smile, the weight of loss and being the strong one in his eyes , and she knows how he's thinking of being able to lessen the weight but they could only grieve together
James sat quiet beside her, his eyes downcasted and his hands played with the hem of his shirt,
She had asked to be left alone with James, she knows how hard it was for him, and she noticed how he would lower his eyes whenever he looks at her, she must have scared him so with what happened, she's thankful to both of him and Sirius for being there for her and for being very brave,this is as hard for him, he was very happy to have a little sister, his delight is unmatched at the notion of being called a big brother
"James" she starts and pulls him in an embrace
"Mum?"
"I'm so sorry sweetheart"
To her shock, James scrambled away from her , eyes wide with confusion and shame
"No, mum…why…why are you apologizing?"
"James sweetie.." she didn't expect this reaction
"No, no, don't apologize you can't apologize mum, you did nothing wrong, I was the one who has to apologize,
"James, what's going on, love? What do you mean?"
She saw her son's eyes turn red and tears starts fall, he pursed his lips, so unsure of himself , he opened his mouth to speak, his voice trembled in every word
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry mum,they asked me to choose and I signed the paper, it's you or her and I signed and I told them to save you, I can't save her, I didn't save her I'm sorry…"
James starts to sob, shoulders shaking, he stepped back and he ran to the door out of the room
Euphemia felt cold rush through her, she felt sick, they had asked James to choose between her and the baby, It's her or the baby and James' was put into that awful situation, but what made her heart sank more is that in the back of her head there's a shoved feeling of anger, that James chose her over his little sister, which she shouldn't be feeling, there shouldn't be an ounce of it, not for her James
It i for how cruel the world is and how she wasn't able to protect her children from it
She sat on her bed, tears rivering her cheeks
"Effie?" Sirius enters a few minutes later and rushes to her side, he sat beside her handing her a box of tissue and he holds her hand
"James is with Regulus and Remus"
She looks at the boy, her other son trying to give her the comfort, another of her children she wasn't able to shield from the horrors of the world
"Y-you're not mad at James right?he doesn't say but he thinks you'll be mad at him and hate him"
She reaches out to brush his cheek, sniffling a bit and eyes still wet with tears, but she looks into Sirius grey eyes, assuring and gentle
"Sweetie, I'm not mad at him, nor am I mad at you"
Sirius lowers his gaze a bit and bites his bottom lip
" I'm sorry…"
"No love, you and James should not apologize for something that isn't your fault alright?"
"I know mum"
"Thankyou for being there for James sweetie and for being brave for me too"
Sirius made a move to embrace her, both comforted by the hug but also both still worried for James
—-----
Euphemia was discharged the next day, deemed healthy enough to go home already, the healer had given her potions as well as an advise to rest
Fleamont flooed them both home, she was greeted by the kids, Monty faintly smiled at her telling that they wanted to see her when she comes home, the heaviness in her heart lifting a little seeing them,Peter had kissed her cheeks , Lily, Mary and Marlene took turns giving her a hug and a get well soon, sweet girls they are
Her baby girl would have loved them
—----
She was made to rest afterwards,whisked away by Remus and Regulus upstairs, Monty and Sirius had tucked her in, but she hadn't seen her James yet …
It was afternoon when she woke up, the house again is a little quiet and the sky's a little dark, well rested , she stood up to go down the drawing room hoping for some air, the house is really silent, unusual for her house with her darling trouble makers
She sighs, and walks when she noticed an ajar door , her heart pounds in her chest, it's the nursery, she would've saved herself the heartache but there's something that tells her to push the door wider and she enters
The room is dim, but she still can see the outline of the things around the room
She moves closer, some things that were added, a dressing table a rack, four crocheted plush toys of animals, a dog, a rat, a deer and a wolf, then there's a dresser with little dresses, and little shoes, a mini quidditch robe that's probably from James and a big purple hair bow …
She thought her tears had all dried up, but seeing all these things left here in this dim lit room made it real for her…
That these were meant for her little girl but would never be able to use them
She doesn't knows how long she's standing there, crying, clutching the bow in her chest
"Mum?" She turned her head towards the door,standing there is James,he looks at her and around the room
"Y-you're out of bed, I thought you might need help…" he says looking down, shoulders tensed
"James, can you join me here?" she asks him, wiping the tears on her cheeks
Her son reluctantly went to her, standing beside her with all the baby items around them
It's silent for a moment
"Those plushies are cute,who made them?" Effie asks a breaking the silence
"Remus did, he's really good at crocheting" James answered lowly
"It's wonderful"
"I'll tell him that… the bow is from Sirius" he looks at purple bow she's holding
"He has an eye for this things, it's really pretty" she praised
"It is pretty" James agrees
"She would have looked so pretty in it"
There's another drop of silence, then Effie hears James whimper a sob
"Darling–"
"I'm so sorry, I didn't save her, she wouldn't be able to wear the pretty bow or play with the plushies, she isn't here and I'm so sorry mum, I'm sorry, I'm a bad brother ,I …"
"James!" Euphemia takes his face between her hands, making him look at her
"James Fleamont Potter, you listen to me clearly, never apologize for something that is never your fault"
"Mum.." he whimpers
"No, listen to me, I don't and will never blame you for the decision you were forced to make, it is unfair it's cruel, but you did what you have to do and I'm so sorry my darling if you think that I would blame you or hate you for not being able to save her,
You made the bravest decision, and I'm proud of you. You are not a bad brother, or a bad son, bad things had happened
"Mum" James leaned on her, and had wrapped his arms around her, she kissed his hair and both sank down the floor , both crying until they're reduced to sniffles
Both mother and son carpeted floor, the room dimme and the heavy clouds outside started to pour , they've been the room for a while leaning on each other
"It's raining" James starts this time
"Hmmm…"
"It's raining then too"
"Do you think it's her? Saying hello?" Effie asks
"I think so, maybe she's already fed up with all the crying, she's sassy" James lets out a wet chuckle
"She would've boss you around"
"I'd let her"
They laugh a bit…
"I… thought of a name for her" James says, eyes trained on the rain outside
"What is it?"
"Amaya, like …night rain"
"Oh James, that's so beautiful"
"Really? You think it'd suit her?"
"Yes, it's so wonderful"
"Amaya Effie Potter, little Maya"
Effie kissed her son's forehead,her chest a little lighter than before
Unbeknownst to them, four figures stood by the door, listening to the hushed conversation with tears but the heavy feeling lifted
The rain outside doesn't seem to make it bleak anymore.
Amaya Effie Potter, their night rain, who washes the pain away bit by bit …