(In)sane
Chapter two: (In)sane
After a shower and a glass of water, his headache was going down. His mouth still felt awfully dry, but he could feel himself sobering up. The bit of sleep he got made him feel a bit better.
Since when do i hallucinate when drunk? Remus thought to himself. I didn't think being more pathetic was even possible..
Walking to the kitchen, he stopped in his tracks. He almost fell over from the shock of seeing someone on his countertop, smoking next to the open window.
"What the fuck? Why are you still here??"
"Hello to you too Moony"
Since this evidently wasn't a drunk hallucination, Remus was likely going crazy. The only sane part left in his brain told him he should probably get help, but he quickly pushed that part away. What would he even say? 'Yeah I'm seeing the 18-year-old version of my imprisoned boyfriend' ?
They would immediately lock him up. Also, who would even help him? Its not like he's been in contact with anyone. He wouldn't even deserve anyone's help-
The (very beautiful) figure ripped him from his train of thought.
"Soo... you're just gonna stand there, shell shocked?"
Remus thought he had every right to be shocked. He just found out he was going insane, thank you very much. He decided for a more polite approach though.
"What are you?"
"Does it even matter? You were being so pathetic about me being gone, so here I am. I have to say, seeing how much you care does wonders for my ego"
Remus rolled his eyes. Every version of Sirius ever will be blessed with an ego the size of the moon. But he did have a point. He should enjoy the bit of Sirius he was allowed for as long as he could. No one left to care about him going crazy anyway.
"Can I kiss you?"
As soon as he said it, Remus regretted his words. He sounds stupid and desperate.
"I'm afraid I'm not quite real enough for that love, sorry." Sirius(?) looked genuinely sad when he said that.
Well, you can't have everything. What did seem weird was that his apartment started to smell like smoke. He couldn't find himself to mind, but it did make him question to what level this Sirius was real.
"Okay, so, what now? Im a bit at loss for words here, sorry"
" That's new." Sirius quipped "I've never seen you without a quick remark before. I guess you can't handle my beauty."
- I'm not exaggerating when I say that Sirius flicked his hair at that. -
"But you could either go back to pathetically bed-rotting or you could join me. Here, have a fag"
Remus looked at the pack on the windowsill. He wasn't sure if it was there before. Maybe it would taste like Sirius, he thought. Remus shrugged and walked over to the window. His mind was already lost, what more did he have to lose?
When Remus took his first smoke it was like Sirius had never left his side. He closed his eyes an sighed. "Aw Remus, you really did miss me ?" Sirius grinned. "Shut up pads." The cigarette made him taste Sirius on his lips.
After that moment he smoked every night before he went to sleep, as if it was his goodnight-kiss from his Sirius. Every morning, first thing he did was smoke, as if Sirius kissed him good morning.
Every time he got home after grocery shopping the taste of Sirius welcomed him back and every time when he felt bad the cigarettes kissed it better.
The cigarettes got him out of bed, out of the house. They helped him sleep and they reminded him to eat. He was almost back to his old life, apart from the fact that he was basically a chain-smoker now, and was having full on conversations with a fragmentation of his mind.
"What should I have for breakfast?"
"Remi, who are you even kidding. We both know the answer is toast. The answer is always toast with you."
Remus chuckled. He had forgotten he could even do that.
"No I dont care what you say. Lady Stardust is the superior Bowie song. You cant convince me otherwise."
"You only say that because its basically about you, Pads. Dont get me wrong, its a great song, but 'five years' just gets me"
"Uh yeah, 'cause you're pathetic and depressed."
Remus was living in a haze. With no contact to the outside world, or any living being for that matter, he lost track of time. Each day he grew less wary, and with that more dependent of this version of Sirius. If anyone could see him like this, they would probably back away slowly, and start sprinting as soon as there was enough distance between them.
Remus didn't care though. He might be crazy, but he was loving the time he spent with this Sirius, and he was treating every day as if it was the last.
Remus didn't know that that last day was approaching way sooner than he liked. What Remus never dared to hope was that this last day would change things for the better
“ You should get more sleep, the bags under your eyes aren't making you hotter Moony”
"Yes, I know." Remus sighed “ You know that the insomnia is killing me. I'm very happy that I can sleep at all now.”
“Thanks to me.”
“Yes, thanks to you, stop rubbing it in-”
-
“Who the fuck are you talking to?!”