Ashes and Dust

Her tiny fingers brushed over the keys eliciting a cacophony of out-of-tune notes that sent both of them into a fit of giggles.

Alex busied himself digging through the piano bench, pulling out pages and pages of sheet music.

“Calliope said this is middle C,” she pressed down quietly on the note, her eyes darting up the basement stairs to ensure no one heard, “and this is A natural…”

Alex placed sheet music against the broken music shelf, the pages tilted to the left as they stared at it.

“It’s like another language!” Alex whispered excitedly, his deep brown eyes scanning the pages. He closed the lid of the piano bench softly before sitting down, “Show me again.”

Ash plopped down on the bench beside him, and gave him a toothy grin devoid of her bottom left baby tooth. She took his hand and guided his chubby fingers to middle C. The dissonant tone sounded and they both fell into giggles again.

“Are you sure the Headmistress won’t find us down here?” She whispered the words as their giggles subsided, her eyes darting between the basement staircase and Alex’s fingers dancing across the keys.

“She’s at the chapel on Saturday’s to prepare for service tomorrow, she won’t find us.”

She clung to the promise of security in his words and nodded as she turned back to face the piano. She let her fingers fumble around the notes, creating a symphony of discord.

She giggled and looked up from the piano, the sound of joy dying in her throat. She sucked in a breath as she saw an open forest surrounding her, the dingy basement walls no longer holding her in their embrace. She looked down at herself, her seven year old body transformed into the eighteen year old she had become.

She felt panic bubble in her chest as she turned towards Alex, the boy no longer beside her on the piano bench. She quickly stood, letting the bench fall backwards as she turned around.

The carnage greeted her like an old friend. The poacher camp burning, body parts strewn about haphazardly. Bile rose in her throat and she fell to her knees, landing in a puddle of blood that seemed to swallow her whole.

Her eyes darted around, her voice caught in her throat as she surveyed the scene. Through her tear streaked vision she glimpsed an intact body, and a sob broke from her violently.

She scrambled through the piles of bodies until her bloodied hands grasped the sides of Alex’s chubby cheeks. Young, still the picture of the boy he'd been in her memory.His dark brown eyes stared up at nothing and yet his mouth moved nonetheless.

“Look at what you did.”

His voice was garbled and he reached to grab her arm, his eyes still staring at the canopy above. She fell back away from his body, and sooted across the dirt until her body slammed into another. Arms locked around her waist in a lover’s embrace and she felt lips trail down her neck. Her breathing was ragged as she heard a whisper against her neck, “Look at what you did.”

Sebastian’s voice was cold and empty and she didn’t need to turn to see that his eyes would have the hollow stare just as Alex’s did. She trembled violently in his grasp and felt the red-hot burning at her fingertips as her magic surged through her veins.

“You’re nothing but poison, Asha.”

The words were a chant in her ears, louder than the buzzing under her skin and she gasped and arched against him as his fingers began to unbutton her blouse—

She broke the surface of the water with a gasp, her hands fumbling for the edges of the tub as she sucked down oxygen greedily. The water around her near boiling as she sucked the magic back beneath her skin. The lack of air seemingly caused her once happy memory to delve into a nightmarish landscape.

She stared up at the ceiling as her chest heaved. She didn’t even remember slipping beneath the surface. She laid her head back against the rim of the copper tub, her clothes sopping and sticking to her body.

Ancient Runes had been her last class today, a near feat that she had actually made it through all three of her classes. Her mind had been far away from any of her lectures, instead she still felt stuck inside that potions closet with Sebastian. She had slipped from the classroom the moment the words, “For next class-“ had left the professor’s lips.

Her feet, or more precisely her stomach, had taken her to the Great Hall. However, she made it no farther than three steps into the room before she had turned and nearly bolted. The moment her eyes fixated on the goblets of crimson cranberry juice nearly sloshing out of Leander Prewitt’s goblet she felt the bile in her throat.

She nearly collapsed when she reached the Room, the tub appearing before her with a single thought. She had instantly climbed in, clothes and all, and scrubbed herself raw.

She now laid there staring at the large round skylight. Was this her reality now? Nothing but treacherous nightmares and running away?Her fingers brushed over the rim of the tub. She had felt invincible fifth year, had gone from a scared child to a force of nature and then back once more to a trembling girl.

She heard the door creak open and her head lolled to the side as she watched Sebastian step into the Room. The top two buttons on his white shirt were undone, his tie loosened around his neck. His brows raised and his eyes swept over her in the tub. She could see the confusion written in his features, which was quickly replaced with a smug expression. He smirked and opened his mouth no doubt with an impish comment, but her eyes instantly flickered from him to the other figure entering the Room.

She leaned forward in the tub when she saw Ominis enter the Room, the water sloshing over the edge from her rapid movement.

Ominis’ face was a mask of neutrality though she had gotten good at noticing the cracks in his perfected facade. Her eyes danced across his face and she saw how his jaw twitched imperceptibly— frustration.

Sebastian glanced between the two of them, as if waiting to see how this would go. Prick.

“Why did you bring Ominis?”

Her voice was lined with a heated confusion. Anytime the three of them were in this room together, it didn’t end well. She leaned back again in the tub, the water lapping at the edge and dripping onto the cold floor.

Ominis practically bristled at her words and she saw the facade of neutrality cracking further. He opened his mouth to speak before his head turned in the direction of the water sloshing in the tub, his pale blue eyes focused above her.

“Are you… taking a bath?”

“Yes-“

“-Yes.”

Ash and Sebastian answered simultaneously, his voice laced with entertainment as he kept his gaze focused on her.

Ominis’ face burned red, his fingers fumbling with the hem of his jacket. He opened his mouth to protest and a small smirk played on her lips, “I’m clothed Ominis.”

Her answer seemed to cause more confusion as she watched his eyebrows furrow, “You’re wearing clothes in the—“ He let out a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose causing Sebastian to snicker beside him.

Ash turned her gaze to Sebastian at the laughter and she repeated herself, “Why is Ominis here?”

Ominis answered her before Sebastian could open his mouth, his voice clipped— the tone making her sink further into the water.

“I told Sebastian that if he was to keep our friendship intact then he was to inform me of his comings and going’s if they dealt with anything regarding to nefarious activities.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes, “And I said that if you were going to be prat, you can just tag along.”

Ominis let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head. Ash’s gaze swept over him, her fingers idly tracing the rim of the tub. Ominis’ features were pinched as if he was restraining himself from snapping back at Sebastian. His words from the last time he was here rattled around in her head.

“How many times are you going to prove me right?”

She let out a breath, drawing their attention back to her. Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow as he surveyed her, “You can’t do much practicing from the bath.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Practicing what exactly?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes, sarcasm nearly dripping from his words, “Dancing of course. What do you think Ash?”

She turned her gaze up to the ceiling, her eyes focused on the regrowing ivy snaking across the moulding.

“I know how to fight.”

“Then you won’t mind a friendly duel.”

“I-“ she stopped herself, her attention darting around the skylight. What if she hurt him again? The last time they were in here, her ancient magic had sent both him and Ominis flying. And she had incinerated an entire poacher camp the moment her hold on the burning magic slipped.

“You’re not going to hurt me.”

Ominis made a noise of disagreement and Ash bit her lip and sank further into the water. She could almost feel the glare Sebastian sent towards Ominis even as she stared at the ceiling.

“Look at me,” Sebastian voice echoed in the quiet room and she turned her head enough that her gaze locked with his. His brown eyes pierced into her, as if he was trying to read every thought from her mind.

“You are not going to hurt me, Ash.”

She searched his face looking for any indication that he was afraid of her. She found none. His brown eyes bore into hers without a hint of hesitation. Her gaze swept over to Ominis, looking for his disapproval but his neutral facade had slipped back into place.

The tub disappeared as her feet hit the floor. Her button up and trousers clung to her, Sebastian’s eyes flickered across her body quick enough that she might’ve missed it.

Before Ash could grab her wand, Sebastian murmured a quick drying spell on her clothes and she gave him an annoyed look. He smirked back at her and walked backwards to the far side of the Room.

They stood on opposite ends, the couches and armchairs pushed outwards against the walls with a single thought, leaving a vast open space between them. Ominis scrambled to regain his balance as the small coffee table he was leaning against slid out from under him.

Ash twirled her wand nervously between her fingers, her gaze locked on Sebastian. Her mind felt scrambled. She tried to think in advance about the jinxes she’d use— start with levioso, then maybe glacius, but Sebastian would definitely use confringo first so she’d need to be prepared with a shield—

She felt the familiar burning in her veins and she clamped it down. Breathe. She needed to remember to breathe.

The electricity tingled at her fingertips and she clenched her jaw. Push it down.Sebastian gave her a cocky smile as he raised his wand.

“Ready, Cendrillion?”

Her mind went blank as she raised her wand. This was a bad idea. Her eyes shifted to Ominis who had moved to stand behind Sebastian, seemingly as far from her as he could get.

She sucked in a breath as her eyes flickered back to Sebastian and she gave a short nod. Sebastian’s wand reared back and she saw the movement— confringo.

Her mouth moved quickly before he finished the jinx, “Protego!”

The red jet of magic bounced from her shield, cracking it down the middle. She stumbled back a step, her mind focused on the surging magic in her veins.

“Your thoughts are elsewhere, focus Ash!”

She snapped up another shield as he sent a barrage of jinxes, each one hitting the shield harder than the last. She gritted her teeth, her focus split between the now roaring magic in her veins and keeping her shield from splitting.

Don’t hurt him. Do not hurt him.

“Show me the girl that put me on my ass the first day of Defense Against the Dark Arts fifth year.”

Sebastian sent another blast at her, and she dodged to the left, the red energy hitting the wall behind her.

Her wand buzzed in her fingers, her chest filled with the burning power and her body screamed for release. Images of incinerated bodies flashed through her mind.

“I-I can’t.”

She gasped her words out as she fumbled for a hold on the power.

“Stop holding back!”

His words were a jumble in her burning mind and she fought to shove it down, shove it deep. She shook her head rapidly, her fingers numbly letting her wand clatter to the ground.

“Sebastian that’s enough.”

Ominis’ sharp warning cut through the throb in her mind and she gasped for air. She barely noticed her knees slamming into the ground as she pressed her forehead to the cold marble. Her magic writhed under her skin, begging to get out, out, out—

Footsteps echoed across the room and she felt two sets of hands grasping her, cold lithe fingers on her shoulders, warm strong hands grabbing the sides of her face and pulling it up.

“Breathe Ash, take a deep breath.”

Flashes of burning flesh and brain matter sear into her mind, professor fig’s eyes, Sebastian and Ominis bodies crumpled against the wall. She could picture their flesh burning from their bodies, could see them exploding like the poachers—

“She’s burning hot Sebastian!”

The hands at her shoulders yanked back, her vision blurred and she squeezed her eyes shut. Don’t hurt them. Don’t hurt them.

“You have to breathe Ash, look at me—” Sebastian’s hand slipped to the back of her neck, the other cupping her cheek brushing against the scar etched on her face, “listen to my breathing okay?”

Her eyes were still squeezed shut, images of Rookwood’s broken body flashed in the darkness. The fingers on her face pulled back before grabbing her hand and pulling it to his chest. She felt his pounding heart beneath her fingers, and his deep slow breaths.

She tried to mimic him, tried to slow her ragged breaths, but the magic burned in her veins like hellfire.

“It’s not working Sebastian—“

“Ominis you are not helping.“

One breath

Two breaths—

“Open your eyes Ash and look at me.”

The blood on her hands was so thick, she could feel how it coated her skin as her magic burned and burned and burned—

Lips pressed against her searing hot forehead, whispering against her sweat slicked skin, “Ash, love, you’re doing so good just keep breathing.”

The touch of his lips on her skin sent a lick of cool through her veins and she cracked her eyes open. She was met with worried brown eyes. They took up her entire vision, she could nearly drown in his lovely brown irises.

One breath

Two breaths

Three—

The bony fingers resumed their grasp on her shoulders with a hiss through gritted teeth.

“Breathe in through your nose and hold it. Let the air flow through you and imagine it cooling you off from the inside.”

It was Ominis’ soft voice she heard, his fingers running tentatively against her upper back. She was taken back to his cold fingers grasping her tightly after she had taken the Cruciatus curse in the scriptorium fifth year. He had been so worried about her back then, before he realized how poisonous she was to his oldest friend.

Her breathing was harsh and heavy as she tried to listen to his words, and she fought against the flames licking up her insides. She sucked in a breath through her nose.

Sebastian’s gaze was locked on hers and she tried to focus on the golden flecks in his eyes.

“Now let it out slowly through your mouth.”

She followed Ominis’ command, air feeling like hellfire as she breathed out. Sebastian’s heart was slowing under her palm, he squeezed her hand tightly against his chest. His other hand made soft circles on the back of her neck, “Keep breathing, remember you are in control of your magic not the other way around.”

His soft murmuring soothed the roaring magic in her veins and she felt the Room produce a cool breeze that brushed against her burning skin.

Slowly, so slowly, she felt the ancient magic simmer and cool. She felt Ominis’ breath of relief hit the back of her head, Sebastian’s eyes softening as she stared at him.

Embarrassment washed over her in a wave. She dropped her hand from his chest and clenched her fingers into fists at her sides. She was such a disgrace to the girl she used to be. Her gaze dropped from Sebastian’s and she stared at the floor.

They sat in silence for what felt like ages, Ominis’ fingers eventually pulling away as he stood and made his way to the destroyed potions table against the wall. Sebastian stayed kneeling in front of her, his fingers on the back of her neck. She heard Ominis cast a repairing charm on the table and her eyebrows furrowed. She turned her gaze to him and watched as he started dropping ingredients into the cauldron.

“What are you doing?”

Her voice was raw in her throat, and Sebastian’s grip tightened on her neck.

“Making Wiggenwelds.”

Ominis voice was cold but it had lost some of its sharpness, replaced instead by what sounded like exhaustion.

Her mind whirled. Why would he need a Wiggenweld? She sucked in a breath and grasped Sebastian’s hand and pulled it from her neck. He didn’t fight her as she pulled it into vision and her heart lurched into her throat.

Burns covered his hand, the red flesh already blistering. Her eyes flickered up to his lips, the skin irritated and raw. Her hands immediately dropped his, and she pushed back away from him. Her breathing increased and she opened her mouth to cry or apologize or something—

“I’m fine Ash,” Sebastian cut her off, his voice firm, “Ominis and I are fine.”

Ominis didn’t comment as he kept stirring the cauldron. Ash made a noise of disagreement, her eyes fixed on his lips, “I hurt you.” Again. 

Sebastian shrugged and gave her a smirk as he moved to fully sit on the floor in front of her, “I’ve had worse. You remember that troll in fifth year that nearly broke my ribs?”

Ash shook her head, not willing for him to brush off what she had done. She had hurt them. Again. If she hadn’t have gotten the magic stuffed back down, Merlin knows what would’ve happened.

“What triggers the surges?”

Ominis’ voice was clipped, his body rigid as he dropped a mint sprig into the cauldron. She tried to blink through the fog, the panic at seeing the burns lining Sebastian’s hands.

She just shook her head in response though Ominis couldn’t see it. She didn’t know, didn’t want to think about that abyss inside her in fear of waking what dwelled inside again.

Sebastian let out a breath at her silence, her gaze was locked on his blistering skin as he spoke, “What does it feel like? When it surges?”

She pressed her head back against the wall, pulling her legs to her chest as if she could sink into the surface.

“You need to tell us something Ash.” Ominis snapped. Her eyes drug over to him as he quickly tossed back the newly brewed Wiggenweld. The red flickering light from his wand  guiding him over to Sebastian where he held out the second potion.

Sebastian quickly downed the green liquid and she watched in relief as the burns began to slowly heal, the red blistering flesh returning to his normal tanned skin.

Ash swallowed hard, her eyes squeezing shut, “It feels like… like I’m being burned alive from the inside.” She whispered the words into the echoing room, “Like if I don’t release it, the magic will rip out of me me regardless.”

They listened quietly, Ominis moving to sit down beside Sebastian.

“It happens when… when I feel like I’m spiraling, when I’m so angry I can’t breath or so scared or—“

She sucked in a breath, her fingers clenching into fists at her side.

“It happens when I feel out of control, or…when I haven’t used any magic in a long time.”

There was the truth of it. Something she had tried to push down since the moment the first surge happened at the beginning of sixth year.

She kept her eyes shut even as she felt Sebastian move and sit beside her against the wall.

“You haven’t forgotten how to fight Ash. You are holding yourself back.” Sebastian’s words were barely a whisper as he sat beside her.

“You’re afraid,” his words caused her jaw to clench but she didn’t speak. He continued, his leg brushing against hers, “You’re afraid of yourself.”

She didn’t say anything— didn’t need to. Ominis scooted against the floor until his back rested against the wall on the other side of her.  She kept her eyes closed as Sebastian’s voice echoed again.

“If you keep swallowing back your anger and your fear, you’re going to choke on it.”

The silence surrounded them, thick and heavy. And so they sat there, the three of them leaned back against the wall, exhaustion coating their very bones. An understanding coated the air, weaving them together once again.