Temptation
Severus the following week was uneventful he hadn't talked to Remus yet, and he had avoided him, the accusing looks from Lily every time they saw each other. This time though he couldn't avoid it.
Remus was stressed, he didn't want to force Snape to speak to him, and he tried to keep connected with him. He was still nervous about the next full moon, still, a couple of weeks to go but the feeling of dread was already filling his chest, would they turn together?
Severus listened to Remus approaching him, the bite in the apple he was eating had turned brown he didn't know how long he was sitting there.
Remus placed a hand on his shoulder he flinched away from the touch "Please don't touch me"
Remus flinched away, his heart went to his throat "Okay, I'm sorry I forgot my place"
Severus sighed "Lupin it's fine really, what do you want"
"I've wanna be able to talk to you, especially about the next full moon"
Severus nodded moving over on the bench making more room "Sit, I guess" Severus tried to smile, resting his hands on his knees.
"I wanna talk about the next full moon"
Severus scoffs "Yes Lupin I know, you said"
he sighed "Yes well, do you wanna transform with me? or by yourself"
Severus's heart was thumping, he didn't know. he thought back to the dream, the loneliness he felt, "i don't know, we should ask the headmaster"
"I'm not asking him, I'm asking you, because you are the one transforming" Severus groaned.
"oh, I don't know Lupin, what do you think, you're the one ill be sharing the moon with right? do you want me there?"
Remus thought for a moment "I mean i would feel comfortable if you changed with me, but i don't know how id react to you"
Severus assumes that he means his wolf "It's just I've never seen another werewolf while transformed"
"look Lupin, I don't care, ill think about it when the time comes"
Severus thought for a moment "Lupin" the tall boy hummed in reply "What is the night like for you"
Remus turned his body towards him "Well, it hurts very badly, and it feels like" he pauses "it makes you feel like you're not yourself, well at least for me that is"
Severus nodded, a hand ran up his arm, and he flinched away.
"some people enjoy the power they have, I don't"
Severus sighed, his body was already aching, it started the day after the accident. his gums throb and bleed during the night, waking up in the night to a mouth full of blood is disgusting.
"is my mouth supposed to bleed," he asked Remus thought for a second, he didn't bleed but they sure didn't hurt, "well yes i guess so, mine didn't bleed much"
Severus nodded "Why? Are yours bleeding?".
Remus squinted his eyes, "I guess they could, you should try to eat more".
Severus rolled his eyes, "I eat enough Lupin, you don't need to worry"
The other boy nodded "Well we should still be prepared for everything, we could hurt each other"
"yes, our beasts could also love each other" he replied, Severus flinched at his own words.
"yes, but still we need to be careful" Severus sighed "Yes Lupin you did say"
Severus put his books back into his lap "Are you okay, Lupin"
Remus was surprised by the other boy's question, what was he supposed to say "Uh, yeah I guess I am now, now that we have talked"
Severus nodded "Good, that's good"
Remus was about to say something else, his words were interrupted by Potter coming into his view.
Remus sighed "I better go Snape" He gave a slight wave before leaving him behind.
Severus let out a frustrated sigh, leaning back against the bench.
...
Remus was dragged along by James, "Merlin padfoot, where are we going"
James smiled "i wanna hang out like we used to"
Remus sighed "Do you mean with Sirius"
James stopped beside him "Yes, with Sirius because we are friends we are family, Please just bloody hell talk to him, fuck me Remus I hear him crying at night"
Remus cringed at that "Good I hope he sheds thousands of tears"
James shook his head grabbing Remus's shoulders "Merlin, you've been spending too much time with Snape, your starting to talk like him all emo and that"
Remus shrugged the hands off his shoulders "Come off it James, ill try to talk to him if that makes you feel better, but I can promise you we are never gonna be the same as before"
James grinned at the other boy "Yes, thank you Moony it will be fun I swear it's just like old times".
Remus couldn't help but feel sad, he knew they would never go back to the way it was before it wasn't possible.
The duo walked to the Gryffindor common room Into their shared room, The tension was awkward between the two boys The group sat on the floor around a table.
"so" Peter hummed tapping the floor in front of him "How's everyone been, How are you, Moony"
The tall boy turned to the other "I've been well Peter what of you?"
The smaller boy sighed crossing his arms "I've been well, Class isn't that great though"
"I'm sorry worm tail wish I could help more" the other boy waved him away "no ill be alright" he looked back down to his feet.
An awkward silence filled the group again Sirius spoke up "Moon-" he got a glare from Remus "Remus sorry, uhm hows Snape"
"he is as well as someone who has been attacked by a werewolf would be"
Sirius sighed "Okay moony I'm sorry, i wasn't thinking i didn't think he would actually go"
Remus slipped onto his knees "Really Merlin this is SNAPE we are talking about! Of course, he listened to you!"
Peter whined beside him crossing his arms around his body, James rubbed his forehead.
"Guys can we please"
Remus interrupted him "No James stay out of this!"
"Don't yell at him! he's done nothing"
"Your right I should be yelling at you" Remus pointed an accusing finger at the boy in front of him.
"I'm not just angry at you! I'm furious. Just the sight of you pisses me off"
"Then why are you here?!" the black-haired boy yelled "Because Sirius Your not the only person in this world, You are not my only friend"
Sirius scoffed "I told you James, this was a bad idea, he won't listen"
Remus scoffed "And what do you have to tell me, That your sorry, Sorry for almost making me a murderer, Sorry for almost getting Snape killed"
"ill never be able to make it up to you will i"
Remus almost laughed "No Sirius, you never will, we will never have what we had before"
The other boy just nodded looking to the ground Remus could see the tears in his eyes He took a breath, "Sirius you are a dear friend of mine, but please give me time"
Sirius just nodded "Yeah whatever, I'm gonna go" he spoke standing.
James grabbed his arm "No please don't go stay" almost pleaded.
Sirius just pushed away leaving the three boys alone.
...
Severus was wandering around the grounds, ignoring the look of the kids around him. Classes were done for the day he was free to do what he pleased.
He had to put the books down, they were putting a strain on his shoulder, Lily had always told him he carries too much stuff he couldn't disagree.
He placed the books on the ground, he couldn't damage them. He sat down next to them placing him back gently against the tree. He took a deep breath nudging his shoulder with his hand.
He needed to go back to madam pomfry for more pain relief it had lasted longer than he expected it to, but He didn't mind.
The boy had laid there, his breath slowing and heart steading He felt himself drift into a sleep.
...
Severus felt a hand reach for him, whoever it was ripped him awake.
"Oi, get up, we need to talk"
Severus wiped his eyes looking up at the boy in front of him, oh.
Severus frowned up at the face of Sirius Black, he couldn't stop the frown falling on his face.
"what in Merlin do you want" The boy sneered as he pulled the books to his chest.
Sirius scoffed "I need to talk to you" Severus sighed "Then talk.." Sirius groaned "I know we don't like each other.." Severus interrupted "Exactly why are you here"
Sirius crossed his arms over his chest "I want Remus to forgive me, I thought I should apologize to you"
Severus let out a sigh "And do you think that's actually going to work?"
"No, but it's a start" Sirius kicked the ground with his foot almost pushing dirt onto Severus's pants he gave him a dirty look.
Sirius scoffed "Really it was a tiny bit of dirt, stop being a posh git"
Severus rolled his eyes "I'm anything but posh" he mumbled under his breath, "did you say something?" Sirius replied.
Severus shook his head "No, I said nothing get to your apology so I can leave"
Severus rested the books on his crossed knees, Sirius coughed infront of him "I Sirius Black apologise to you, for endangering your life I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me"
Severus nodded along at his words if only he had a video camera he would die for a video of this.
Sirius sighed at the look on Severus's face "Oh get off your high horse, I'm not doing this for you"
"yeah, yeah I know you're doing it for Lupin" He scoffed and crossed his arms, a sting feeling in his heart.
"You can leave now, you've apologised" He replied.
"Well, do you accept?"
Severus scoffed "nuh uh, absolutely not"
Sirius groaned kicking his feet again, what a child he is.
"Did you really expect me to forgive you" he almost sings those words.
Sirius splutters "Well, no I didn't, I don't know why I even tried" Severus watches the other boy stomp away arms swaying at his side, he couldn't help but let out a giggle.
Severus stood and started towards the hospital wing, His books securely in hand. Upon arriving he was pulled in by Ms Pomfry her questions were the same as last time, How do you feel, have you eaten, which he had and he felt terrible. The meeting was quick they had a chat and he downed the potion and she ushered him away.
dinner was still an hour away he wasn't hungry but he wanted to go regardless, he wanted to see a certain someone.
Once he arrived he looked for the lump of sandy-blonde hair it took a moment to find, Remus's eyes met his instantly, and a grin settled on his face.
Severus's belly fluttered awake, and realising the feeling it turned into sickness, he hurried to find a place to sit, he shouldn't be feeling this for a boy, especially Remus Lupin.
Severus forced a spoon full of meat pie into his mouth, he wasn't hungry but needed a distraction, a distraction from the things he was feeling, he swallowed the dry pastry following it up with water.
...
Remus sat with the group, Peter beside him James and Sirius sat across.
He'd noticed Severus as soon as he had entered, his scent controlled his brain, an upgrade Severus would experience after his first full moon.
He watch Severus sit, he was surrounded by a group of people, who whispered amongst each other, he assumed about the black-haired boy though Severus seemed to ignore it or downright not know, but he knew, Remus would remember it.
20 minutes later Remus watched Severus leave, he interrupted the group's talk "Hey guys I'm gonna go" He couldn't find a reason why, he'd hoped they wouldn't ask.
That could never happen "What, where are you going?" James asks dropping his cup to the table.
"I- I forgot to turn in a test" He yelled already out of his seat ignoring the calls from James.
Peter frowned "Did we have a test?" he mumbled to himself.
James Frowned deeper "No worm tail, we did not".
...
Severus left the hall, his stomach was hurting from the unwanted food. His hand gripped his stomach. He tried his best to ignore the hurried steps behind him, he knew who they belonged to, Severus was sick of the feeling he got whenever he was around Remus, he was scared of them and what they could do.
"Snape would you please wait" Remus called out from behind him.
Severus sighed as the other boy asked "What is it you require of me Lupin?" he asked turning around to the boy.
Remus's eyes grew wide. Severus sighed Lupin himself doesn't even know why he is here, typical.
"If there is no reason I shall be going" Severus, moved to walk away hand on stomach.
Remus jumped forward hand grabbing Severus's forearm, he cried out pulling away from the touch.
"Shit! I'm sorry, did i hurt you"
Severus hissed rubbing the bruise Remus had grabbed, "I'm fine. what do you want"
Remus frowned at Severs's cold gaze, "I'm sorry snape, really" He tried his best to smile.
Severus felt his cheeks heat up, and his eyes found his shoe "I was wondering where you were going"
"Why? think I'm up to something"
"No! Absolutely not, I just-" Remus's heart skipped a beat, why was he nervous? "I just wanted to see if you were okay"
Severus looked back up at the boy, Remus was already looking at him, Severus's face heated up further as he looked out the large window they were next to, and Remus seemed to notice.
"the sky is pretty this time of night, the stars are all starting to appear"
Severus gripped his stomach tighter "I guess you're right" Remus grinned.
"I know, I'm always right" he laughed.
Severus frowned at Remus's failed joke, Severus moved closer to the window leaning on the wall beside it.
Remus watched Severus, The boy's sharp and tired features somehow suited him, though his nose always seemed too big, that was something the marauders used to pick on him for constantly, including the clothes he wore, Remus wasn't innocent in these assaults he was just as much as involved as the others, even coming up with a few of the pranks himself, he felt guilty now maybe even a little then.
Remus stepped forward closer to the boy, "Snape, I'm gonna ask again are you okay?"
Severus rolled his eyes back into his head "Yes! I'm fine no different from when you asked me all the other times"
Remus winced back "I'm sorry for asking" Severus interrupted his brows furrowed "Just stop please, your not making me feel better"
Remus frowned letting his head fall against the brought brick "Tell me how you feel" he replied.
Severus looked hesitant for a moment, "I feel like shit, the only time my body can catch a break is when I'm doped up on a potion, my bloody body feels disgusting"
Remus swore he could see tears in the boy's eyes "The scars look disgusting"
Remus looked at his hands, he could relate to that "At least your scars can be hidden" he replied.
Realisation dawned on Severus, guilt instantly filled his heart. he almost forgot who he was talking to.
"I'm sorry Lupin"
Remus grinned "Don't worry, it was my own thought".
the two boys fell into silence, Severus watch the stars in the sky and Remus he watched Severus, he watched the other's chest rise and fall.
"Are you nervous?" Remus almost whispered.
"Yes. I'm terrified" Severus replied "But it has to happen, I can't stop it"
Remus nodded, the guilt was clawing its way back into his chest he looked at his shoes, tears pricked his eyes.
don't cry
don't cry
don't cry
Severus let out a sigh "Lupin, are you crying".
aw why did he have to ask, a sob escaped Lupin's lips. Severus gasped.
Remus clutched his chest releasing more tears "Lupin, please stop" Severus stepped forward.
"Lupin please" Severus spoke, he hesitantly patted Remus's shoulder a poor attempt at comfort.
Severus couldn't understand what the boy was saying, his watery words all melted together, "Lupin breathe, I can't understand you".
Remus was trying , the air caught in his throat, his heart was pounding, and his hands were numb.
Cold hands covered Remus's shoulders, they slithered under his shirt collar, Remus shuddered the cold taking over him.
"Breathe Remus, breathe" Severus murmured
the next 5 minutes were filled with deep breaths, hiccups and sniffles, Snape felt as if he was consoling a toddler, he'd never actually done that but this is what he imagined it like.
Severus asked, "Are you okay now lupin?"
"Good" Severus muttered "That's perfect" he said pulling his hands back to his chest.
"Please don't do something like that again" he paused making a face "It made me feel bad for you"
Remus scoffed "As you wish my lord" remus bowed, waiting away his excess tears.
Severus glared "Bloody hell, Whatever" He crossed his arms over his chest.
Silence filled the space around them only momentarily, "Are you okay?" Severus asked.
Remus grinned, slacking his shoulders and crossing his arms "Ugh! I'm fine! Like all the other times you asked me" he said in a monotone voice.
Severus scoffed "Bloody hell" Severus rubbed his forehead "I do not sound like that".
Remus laughed, wiping his wet face again "Sure if that's what you think".
Remus watches the other boy roll his eyes "Whatever, I'm gonna head off" Severus replies.
"Okay, when can we meet again?" Remus asks taking a step forward, giving Severus one of his best smiles.
Severus thought for a moment, watching Remus look him up and down and smile nervously, he sighed an idea had struck.
"Tomorrow after classes, at the shack"Severus started to turn away, he could feel the glare from remus burning his back "Why do you wanna bloody go there?!"
Severus sighed turning back around "I'm gonna go there eventually, I wanna get familiar with it"
Severus started walking away, and Remus followed "But I don't understand"
"Remus I'm not asking you to, I just want you to come with me" Severus almost pleaded.
Remus picked up on the urgency in his voice, and he took a deep breath "Fine, okay I'll meet you there".
...
Severus had been nervous all day, he spilt ink on his paper caused by his shaking hands, and he cursed himself for keeping them in his pockets.
He suspected Remus noticed by the worried looks he was receiving from him, he could almost compare him to a worried mother, it must be exhausting.
He didn't eat apart from an egg on toast it was all he'd be able to keep down, his anxiety was too much.
After all his classes were finished he rushed to his dorm, dodging the students as he went, trying to stay as invisible as could be.
Entering the room he was frightened by his owl, catching his breath, it was Narcissa's Owl its dark feathers shimmered in the light, and though she wasn't very friendly he scratched the back of her neck and gave her a treat, she hooted what he assumed in annoyance and flew away, he sighed ripping the letter open.
dear Severus Snape.
I hope this letter finds you well. we haven't talked in a while i meant to write this sooner but it never came up. How are your studies? are you getting on well? i hope those wretched boys have left you alone this year.
And Lily have you decided to try and make up with her? Last time we went out you strongly vocalised that you wanted to, or did you chicken out, it's okay if you did.
Enough about her let's talk about me. Lucius is pushing for a child again, we have no problem with the making if you know what I mean, but the pregnancy never sticks I can't go through that again.
Anyway Sev, please reply to me quickly, I want to know what's happening in your life.
Love Narcissa Malfoy.
Severus' heart was pounding, he hadn't told her about his accident yet, and he couldn't she was going through bad stuff already, and he didn't want to put more stress on her.
He stuffed the letter into his pant pocket, to remind himself to write back later before bed, he had a wolf to meet.
Remus was kicking the dirt around his feet when Severus arrived, he was leaning against the side of the shake, He took several deep breaths to calm himself.
Remus seemed to notice him; he couldn't quite get a smile on his face.
"hey Snape, you took your time" remus almost sneered.
"bloody hell, what crawled up your ass" Severus glared. he was gripping his hands behind his own back.
"You know what- never mind it doesn't matter".
Severus rolled his eyes making his way past the other boy. The shack was small, not as big as he remembered it to be.
his heart skipped a beat, his blood was still smeared along the floor.
"no one cleaned?" he asked, Remus stumbled over his words "I'm sorry i didn't notice it"
Severus looked away, Remus sighed pulling out his wand and casting a cleaning spell, and the blood drifted away "Thank you Lupin" he nodded in response.
Severus wandered around the small room, It was in terrible condition, the boards falling apart and random crates smashed across the ground.
"Filth" Severus groaned, Remus scoffed dropping his hands to the side "Oh! I'm sorry it is not up to your standard, but I do tend to destroy everything"
Severus sighed, He cast a few spells the boards forming back into place, "If I'm going to turn here, it has to be clean."
Remus sighed "Bloody hell" he muttered rubbing his head "Yeah, do what you want".
Severus inspected the claw marks across the walls. "Do these hurt?" he asked tracing the marks with a finger, Remus hummed "Well I never remember but I don't think so".
Severus sighed, "What am I doing here Lupin" The other boy's face softened "I can't answer that for you Snape" Remus leaned his back against the wood.
Severus rubbed his shoulder as tenderly as he could "Does it hurt" Remus said as delicately as he could, Severus turned to the boy across the room from him "No, it's just uncomfortable..., and it itches"
"Come here, let me have a look" Remus muttered "I might be able to help"
Severus hesitated for a moment not sure of what could come from this situation.
His heart was beating out of his chest, and Remus's hands gripped his forearm guiding him.
Remus turned to face him, "Let me see?" he asked, Severus nodded, pulled the robe off his body, he winced at the warmth of the other wolf's hand.
"Tell me if this hurts, okay" Severus nodded. Remus messaged the skin around his scars, it was rather pleasant until he hit a tender stop, and he cried out pulling away.
"Fuck, snape I'm sorry" Remus fumbled his words, "no, no it's okay, just please be gentle" Remus nodded placing his hands on his body again.
Severus sighed, he couldn't lie, Remus was decent with his hands. Severus stopped his thoughts.
Remus's breath drifted over the skin on his neck, he shivered against Lupin.
"Does it still hurt?" Remus whispered.
Severus whined "Uh, I don't think it will ever stop" he looked to his side, eyes meeting Lupins.
"if you ever need a pain release, I'm here" he smiled.
Severus's heart was beating out of his chest, his stomach was exploding with nerves, eyes drifted towards the other's lips. Remus's mouth was moving saying some unknown words that Severus's ears couldn't catch.
Severus leaned forward heart thumping in chest.
"Severus, are you listening!"
"No, what were you saying?" he replied looking down at his hands.
Snape could feel Lupin's arms wrapping around his shoulders his head lightly landing on the back of his head.
"I'm so sorry... Snape" Lupin was almost certain he'd crossed the invisible line he gave himself, getting this close was too much.
Severus was too caught up in the arms around his body and the heat that radiating heat that was radiating from the other to notice the emotional turmoil on Remus's face not that he could see it.
Severus closed his eyes "Remus" he muttered
taller boy hummed, "can i turn around" Severus asked voice as soft as he could get it.
"Yeah" Remus replied losing his grip on the boy.
Severus shuffled to turn around his hand coming up to meet Lupin's hips, they sat awkwardly, severus admittedly has never done something like this, he never came this close to people.
"what are we doing?" Remus asked, arms weak.
Severus wasnt sure how to answer, he didnt really know himself, he always pushed the feelings he had for boys away even when he was kid.
"Those things arent allowed in my house Severus!"
his father would always yell when he was drunk, but it seemed to always sting more when he spat it at him the very few times he was sober.
his heart was always tied between the two.
"im not sure Lupin" he whispered "Do you want to stop it?" he asked.
Remus thought for a moment. should he? who knows how long iit will be until he could have this moment again, being this close to someone, he didnt really care that it was severe as long as it was someone willing.
Remus screwed his face up, what the hell was he thinking kissing Severus would only complicaite things, forming any type of relationship ofther than friendship would ruin things.
Remus sighed "We shouldn't do this"
Severus frowned, his heart dropping down to his stomach. Please dont let this end his mind begged.
"Lupin please" he whispered, hands coming to grip the other's elbows.
Severus's skin was on fire, he so wanted this, he's wanted this for as long as he could remember. he has always been so keen on this kind of touch.
"Severus, we can't do this- this is wrong" Remus mustered up enough courage to say.
Snape froze. this was wrong? what did he mean by that?
"What do you mean?" he sneered. severus pushed remus so hard that his back made a sound hitting the wood behind him.
It only took remus a second to realise what he had just said or what it sounded like.
Severus was gone before Remus could try to defend himself.
Remus groaned into his hands aggressively and rubbed his face, he was an absolute idiot.