"I don't understand." Regulus says, his back is straight and his chin is lifted. James hates that he did that, that he made Regulus put his mask on. James is so used to having all of Regulus, it's other people who get this fake version. James is supposed to get the real thing. He is supposed to deserve that.
"I know you don't, love," James runs his hand over his face and sighs, "I wish you did."
Regulus's lip twitches down like he's fighting a frown, "Explain it to me."
James looks up at his star. His raven haired love. Regulus's face is stone, but his eyes are a steely-grey thunderstorm of emotions. James can read him like an open book. Everything in James wants to reach out, to pull Regulus in, to calm his storm and banish his clouds. But he can't. He has been quiet for too long. He might explode if he doesn't do anything.
"I can't do this, not anymore." James opens his mouth to continue, but a lump is forming in his throat and he has to stop talking to force it down. He takes a shaky breath, "It's too hard- I- I will not watch you do this to yourself."
Regulus cracks, finally. His serious exterior give way to the sixteen-year-old boy buried underneath is all, "Please," The word is desperate and unsteady and it shakes James to his very core, "don't do this James. I can- I'll be better. Just give me time- I-"
James cuts him off, "You'll what? Regulus. What will you do differently? Will you leave that fucking house? 'Cause I have been begging you for months, and you have denied me at every turn! It's like you want to keep... to keep fucking rotting."
Regulus turns away, his head bowed low. James waits for him to speak, to shout, to cry, but he just stands there. Everything that has built up in James for the past year is boiling to the surface. He doesn't want to get angry, but he can't help it. When you have been dying in silence for so long, it's hard to keep it all bottled up. It's hard to only let it out bit by bit. James has always been bad at holding himself together.
"Do something, babe!" James is standing now. He throws his arms out wide, "Fucking look at me!"
Regulus turns around slowly with tears glossing over his grey eyes. Still he remains silent, "Say something!"
"I don't know what to do James," Regulus breathes, "I can't- I'm not like you and Sirius. I am terrified every day. What do you want me to do?"
James shakes his head and rushes up to Regulus, taking his lovers face in his hands, "Choose something, Reg. Make a decision, it's you or it's them. Make that choice right here. Now. Do you want to keep doing there bidding? Do you want them to carve that mark in your arm? To brand you like an animal?"
A tear escapes Regulus's eye and rolls down his cheek. He looks down as much as he can with James's hands on him, "They will never let me go. Not without another heir. I can't leave, you don't know what they're capable of."
James pulls away from Regulus, "Don't you dare say that to me. I am the one who pulled Sirius' half-dead body into my lap when he showed up at my house. I used my hands to stop him from bleeding out. He gave up everything to be free. You haven't even tried."
James knows that isn't fair, but he can't help it. He is so angry, so hurt.
"I don't want to give everything up," Regulus whispers, wiping a tear from his cheek, "I don't want to lose everything."
James is crying now too, "Please. Regulus I am begging you for the last time. You have to be willing to lose something! Risk something, anything, just try. I love you, Regulus Black. More than anything in the world, but I need you to help me out here. I don't want you to die."
Regulus tries to turn around again, but James grabs his shoulder, "Don't you dare ignore me! I have fought and fought and fought for you until I bled. I want to keep fighting, I want to die at your side, but I will not fight for someone who wont fight for themselves," James looks into Regulus's eyes. He's searching for something, anything, that is proof Regulus still has some fight left. When James finds nothing, his first tear falls, "No. No, forget that. I'm not going to fight for someone who wont fight for me. I deserve more than that. I need you to choose me Regulus, just this once do this for me. I don't know who I am if you don't. I've given you everything, love, please don't let it be for nothing."
Regulus wipes his face with both hands and stands up straight. He pulls out of James's grasp, "You should go. My dear brother is probably waiting for you."
And James knows what that means. A sob escapes James mouth and Regulus flinches, "Reg. Don't do this."
Regulus sniffles and wipes his nose with back of his arm, "Fine. You stay here, I'll go."
Every part of James is expecting Regulus to stop walking away, to turn around, to care. He does none of those things. Regulus walks away from everything they built. With every step James feels himself crumbled and turn to dust. He never thought it would end like this. This is the kind of heartbreak that will never end. Will never stop hurting.
Suddenly Regulus is almost to the door and James can't bare it. He can't breathe under it's weight.
"Stop." Regulus freezes. James says between grasping breaths, "You're losing me, Reg, you know that right? We can't fix this if you walk away right now."
Regulus looks over his shoulder, "I'm sorry." His voice breaks, "I don't want to lose you, James, I- I just can't be who you want me to be. I'm not ready."
The door clicks shut behind him and James falls to his knees. He's can't get enough air in his lungs. He feels like he's drowning, and that can't be right. Everyone tells hims he is the sun, but the sun can't drown. It burns too hot. So if James is the sun, how can he hurt like this? Is that the last time he will see Regulus? How long until that boy made of starlight is smothered into nothingness? James aches for him.