The ghost that wonders the halls of home

As funny as it was he couldn't laugh at it. His thoughts were drowning him, suffocating him until he couldn't breath. Though that could be caused by the immense overflow of his tears, broken and quieted sobs and emotions he was fairly certain it was beacuse of his thoughts that he couldnt breath. 

His head pounded like it would after a hangover. 

His ears rung like bells throught the hogwarts halls at the early morning. 

His body was stiff and cold like ice cubes that had just come from the freezer. 

The last thing he remembers is the lingering thought that had caused this breakdown at two or three in the morning before he blacked out. 

The thought that constantly implanted itself into his mind no matter how hard he tried to rid it just like the plague would its victim. 

The thought of how things would be if He, The boy who lived, Simply had not lived.  

How would the world be If he simply had not existed? Nobody knows of him. If his parents were alive. Would he be as he was now? crying himself to sleep every night and wishing his life were different? 

He has no clue. But he does know for certain after the deaths of many he has loved and befriended, even those he calls enemies, He would be better off nonexsistant than he would ever existing. Because nobody would have died. 

Fred would still be alive, Dumbledore, Sirius, Cedric and many, many, many others. The weasleys would be a whole happy family and as Much as it pains him the Dursleys would still be happily in their own home. 

He only wishes for things to be different. He just wants a different life. A life where nobody knows of him. Where people don't look at him as if he saved their lives when in reality he's lost and caused just as many lives in the war. Where people Don't think of him as a savior but think nothing of him at all. 

He just wishes his life were different. He just wishes he were nonexistent. He only wishes for peace. To be able to see what life was like without him in it. Only tied to something anything that would help him in this world where he wouldn't exist. 

But Harry knows that would never happen and as his tears started to dried and he started to part with his consciousness his tears come back harder than rain in a storm and his chest heaves as he barely manages to breath before losing all state of mind and going unconscious. 

That's what harry remembers last. Being in his own dorm room, succumbing to a restless sleep as he barely breathed. But now Harry has no clue what happened. He's wide awake trying to grab his best mates attention who acts as if he's doesn't exsist. 

"Mate–Ron Please!" Harry shouts as he goes to grasp Ron's shoulder only for his hand to go through as his balance wavers. 

That's the first thing Harry notices. 

His body is almost see through as translucent as a ghosts. His skin is a fair shade of grey as well as the robes he fell asleep in. His body is mere inches above the ground and his pulse is gone. He screams—To which nobody reacts to— patting down his body to assure existing limbs are still in tact. His breathing is rapidly increasing as his screams hault when Dean walks through him as if he's not right there. Harrys face contorts, Unseen by everyone, into fear and confusion as he moves at a faster pace than normal to see himself in a Mirror. Only he can't see himself. 

His fear increases as his mind scrambles to find out what is wrong with him. 

He's never been in a situation like this before so he finds that useless, he's never heard of this happening to students before. He's never heard of this happening to anyone before.

He floats back out the bathroom his mind in shambles as he tries to figure out what's Wrong. He sees Ron scrambling around in the process. He calls out once more trying to gain his attention. 

"Ron!" He shouts only to go once again unnoticed and Harry can't help but Hyperventilate. Everyone pretends he's not there. Everyone pretends he doesn't exsist. 

In his State Harry watches as they scrambled out, Seamus and Dean shoving Ron through the doors as they hound him for something and Harry follows after. His breathing still unsteady and In shambles as his Fingers grasp at the cloth he wears. His shirt crinkled as his vision blurs. Harry knows it's tears from the pain. 

Which?

He doesn't know but as they reach the bottom of the stairs he stills. The first thing he notices is Ginny Weasley rushing over and hounding them for being up late. Ron groans before swatting at her hands that pat him down just as Molly had before. His heart clentches and his throat tightens and burns at the sight of Her arms wrapping around Dean's waist and her lips on his. 

His rage quickly following closely behind him at the sight of his girlfriend kissing her ex, his confusion and breathing and the craking of his heart being fogotten and clouded by Red as he throws himself forward to tackle down Dean. But as he did with Ron his body went straight through and he comes to a speeding hault in front of the portrait door. His breath becoming rapid yet again as he stares at the back of the portrait with tears in his eyes. From the pain of either his Girlfriend kissing someone else or his presences Going unnoticed but he has no knowledge of why this is happening. 

"Eugh! Ginny No! That's disgusting I'm not going to witness you snogging my best Mate in front of me!" And Harrys never felt more pain than before that. Ron's His best Mate, Ginnys his Girlfriend, and Dean's his friend. 

Harry thinks this is a prank. But This is to well thought out to be a simple Prank. Hermione would have to had taught them for months to keep straight faces and ignore his exsistance. Then his eyes wounder around. 

The second thing he notices is that Hermione Granger is not in the Gryffindor common room. She's not sitting with her book and she's not Standing and clicking her shoes as she waits for Ron to get his arse down the stairs. His brows furrow in hatred, and confusion. If this is a prank she wouldn't go with it. But it's the only logical reason he has. 

Hermione is the only one smart enough to pull a prank like this and if she's not in the Gryffindor common room than that must mean shes in the Great Hall. Harry ignores the others, his fear and confusion and hurt bringing him through walls —Which he really hadn't thought he could do but is fairly happy with because it saves time— To the great hall, where he floats high above everything else he scans the Gryffindor Table for Hermione only to not find her there. 

He scans it again and again until his eyes spot her at a different table. The ravenclaw table. She has a book in her hands, her hair as bushy as ever as he drinks from her goblet. Her robes are black but her tie is blue its not the famous Gryffindor red hes always seen her in. He instantly finds his way through to her. His presence once again going unnoticed by everyone even as he floats above her she still doesn't lift her gaze until Luna bloody lovegood taps her shoulder. 

"Hermione!" Harry shouts his hands cuffing over his mouth as Luna looks up at him He gasps his eyes widened in relief as he bends down and tears well in his eyes. Someone acknowledges him, someone's not ignoring him, someone's—

"Oh hello headless nick." Harrys relief dies out as tears well in his eyes from pain. They sting him. His throat burns and it tightens. He feels empty and broken. Not even Loony Lovegood, The most wacky girl known to wizard kind, can see him.

He looks back at Hermione his heart shattering as she only looks up at him to acknowledge Headless nick which stands just behind him. 

"Hello lovegood. And Granger lovely to see you this morning." He announces tipping his head to the side as if it were a hat before flipping it back. Hermione seems almost unphased by this and Harry laughs. Tears streaming down his face as his stomach churns in vile, his mind is scrambled and now he's in hysterics. His laughter echos through the sounds of the great hall and nobody seems to notice. 

His body folds in two. His hand clutching his stomach as his tears fall, his hysterical laughter becoming pained crys. Broken sobs fill his ears as everyone around him ignores it. They don't acknowledge him nor do they try and help. He's merely not there. His hands reach for his hair tugging at it, he's hitting his head to try and beat it out of him. Whatever it is. He screams, heart wrenching and agonizing, but still everyone around him does nothing and that only makes him hurt worse. 

His body moves on it's own, This isn't a prank. Because even if it was, Hermione Granger, the kindest person he's ever known, would've helped when she saw how much pain this brought him. That heart-rending screaming he just released would've made someone flinch no matter how long they would have trained to pretend as if he wasn't there. 

Somethings wrong and he knows it. He just can't bother to acknowledge it at the moment because he's hurting. 

He finds himself wondering the halls his head in his hands and his tears streaming down his face. It then that he bumps into something. He doesn't bother to see what it is,its probably just his own sensory system fucking with him just as his mind is. He falls to his knees as he hears a grumble and an insult thrown around. 

"Watch were your going." They shout and Harry can't distinguish who's voice it is or if it's talking to him. He doesn't even lift his head, he stays on the floor his tears streaming as broken sobs leave his lips, his confusion and anger crowd each other, but his fear and sadness overpower the two. And he's left wondering what he did so wrong to deserve what he's received in his life. 

He's so distraught and helpless that he sits there for hours wondering how his life became this. How he became this. He's doesn't know what he's done to deserve such a horrible punishment. 

Yes he does He's killed hundreds of people. He deserves this. He deserves to not be acknowledged. He deserves to be ignored and to not be noticed. This is what he wanted so why is he crying about it. Because he's in pain and confused?

And Harry can't do anything but cry harder, his throat is dry and cracked and his heart strings are being cut, his stomach twists and pulls, with each breath he takes in he can feel the suffocating tightness of his chest. Eventually he passes out as he had the night before. His wish of everything to go back to normal fluttering through his mind, The first and only thought on his brain being of how much he deserves this pain. 

———

Two days Harry sits, he doesnt move an inch, he cries and he's curls himself into a ball watching as students happily pass by not sparing him a glance. His legs are numb and his body is sore. His throat burns and his stomach groans and yearns for food. He doesn't even think he can eat. He doesn't think he deserves to eat. 

His arms are wrapped tightly around his legs his skin is so cold, but he has no clue if that's just the effects of him being outside in the dark and cold halls or the effects of him being like this. He doesn't even know what this is. 

His eyes are dull, the bright and shining green that died out years ago now nothing but a shade of grey he can't distinguish. Their sunken into his skin as he stares aimlessly at the opposite wall. Tired and helpless. He knows which students would walk through this hall and exactly when. He knows every graving in the opposing wall and all the cracks in it. He knows when Filch will appear and Which students fill the hall at night. 

Eventually it's been four days. He looks dead and know without doubt if people could hear him or see him they'd be horrified with his state. 

Harrys arms wrap loosely around his legs as he awaits Daphne greengrass to pass with her sister. 

He hears her voice and lifts his head, surprised to hear quick footsteps from behind her as her sister hangs on her arms. 

Hermione is padding after the two. 

"Daphne!" She shouts and Harrys brows furrow in confusion a thing he's been doing a lot lately. His stomach grumbles and he see Hermione give her a confused look before shaking it off. 

"I needed to talk with you about our potions project. The Felix Felicius. Liquid luck. I was wondering if you wanted to study the textbook with me This friday." She huffed her hands clutching her book tightly as she stares down Daphne hopefully. Harry glares at the girl. Since when was Hermione friendly with Daphne Greengrass? They don't even know each other. 

"Oh sure. You want to head to the library now? I was just headed that way to study with Astoria. I don't think she'd mind if you joined." She announced politely a sweet smile on her face that Harry thinks could be fake. Because theres no crinkle by her eye to dignify such. He only notices that because of the way almost every Slytherin has a crinkle by their eye when they give a fake or sarcastic smile. 

He only knows this because of how much Draco does it. There's always a crinkle by his eyes when he smiles and Harry finds it uncharacteristic for him. He never smiles for happiness, he smiles when he's found something funny and it always resorts to Harry being the target of something funny. He smiles when he's sarcastic and it's pretty much all he smiles for. Harrys never seen him smile for just—Well technically Harry doesn't know. Pure happiness? He supposes. 

His teeth show when he smiles and Harry always finds himself watching the way they sparkle or the way his lips curl when he starts to Smile. 

Before Harry can think anymore of the smile he sees Draco wear on many different occasions and he finds deliriously charming even though its fake he's following Hermione and the Two Greengrasses to the library. 

His soreness is gone as soon as he stands, his body still feeling cold as ice. But as he floats behind them his exhaustion and hunger from before diminished. Almost as nonexistent as he is. He finds his body returning to its state as when he woke up. Then the memories burst through like waterfalls. His tears are back and his curiosity is replaced by anger. 

The thought of nobody seeing him. The thought of Ginny Kissing Dean. The thought of Harry not being himself. It all hits him and the next thing he knows he's aimlessly floating in the halls. Just levitating in the middle of the halls as his shoulders sag before they start to bob. His breath hitched as he starts to sob again. His hands rubbing his face and his vision going blurry. His glasses falling from his face and clattering on the floor. 

His palms digging into his eyes as tears wet them and fall on floor. Creating little dark splotches. Hes certain his hair is messier than normal and if he had color his eyes would definitely be red. He hiccups his feet landing against the ground before he falls to the floor again. It'd not like what he's used to. It's light it's undeniably feather like and Harry hates it. 

He hates the way he's ignored. He hates the way He has no color. He hates the way he feels. He hates the way that he knows this has happened to him because he's done wrong in the world. He hates the feeling of Guilt and fear and sadness that overcome him. He hates it all and yet he can't do anything but endure it. Because nothings going to change. Things won't go back to normal and as far as he knows he's stuck like this forever. 

This just had to happen at the lowest point of his life as well. He was doing perfectly fine, well he wasn't but he was doing okay on his own and handling the damage he's caused perfectly fine. It just had to get worse by the time he was starting to get over this. Even if he cried hismelf to sleep, he had just started to pull himself back together. 

Now he's back where he started and things are so much worse. 

——

It's dinner time when Harry has stopped crying. He headed back to his spot before finding someone he least expected to find walking down the halls. Harry wants to cry again, but he can't he's cried more than enough times and he's well over exhausted and dehydrated from it all. But how can he not, Remus Lupin is walking down the halls well and alive and Harry has to rub his eyes to make sure he's not hallucinating from lack of food. 

He makes a choked noise in the back of his throat when he still sees Remus there but farther away. Harrys first instinct is to hug him but he finds it futile when he realizes he's still... He doesn't know what he is but he's going with ghost. So he follows Remus, through the halls as his robe sweeps the floors of dust and Harry can't help but laugh at it. It's a broken laugh but he can't help hismelf he's the same as Harry last saw him. He's got a smile on his face that makes Harry feel as if everything's alright. 

He's floats backwards in front of Remus. His hair bouncing awkwardly as he struts through the halls. He finally comes to a hault and falls back when they reach the great hall. Remus however does not he makes his way up the risers and to his rightful seat at the table meant for their progessors. Harry gives a sad smile, remembering who all sat upon it as he looks around it and for the first time does Harry actually look at the differences in the Great Hall. The tables are the exact same the only differences are the students who sit at their tables. 

Harry moves his way around floating past as he watches the students talk.  For the first time he doesn't feel hungry or cry or even feel frightened. He gives a sad smile. Watching them and taking notice of who's where. Hermiones at the Ravenclaw table, Ron as Harry took notice is Flaunting with Lavender brown. Which Harry finds strange because he's only seen him with Lavender once and things ended horribly. But they look like the happiest couple ever. The only person he doesn't see that he sort of knows of. Is Draco he's not at the great hall but everyone else is. 

The last thing Harry notices is the difference in professors at the risers. Harry sees everyone there except Snape. Remus, Dumbledore, Minerva, Hagrid But snapes not present. Instead a man Harry knows nothing of. He reminds Harry of Sirius but he looks almost different. 

His hair is shorter and his skin looks softer and smoother, there's no stubble where a beard would be and his eyes are what surprises Harry the most. Their sharp and fierce but loving in a way and their a bright shade of green that Harry is almost certain match his own. His features are sharper than Sirius' who are soft and almost always a bit chubby. 

He gasps audibly, startled by the man as his body floats and hovers in front of him. He scans him, surprised and curious as to who this is. He's never seen him before but he watches the exchange between him and Remus their talking and Harry didn't notice he was so zoned out until he realized he couldn't hear what they were saying. 

He sighs shaking his head a bit bewildered as he listens in on the conversation. 

"Merlin thats sounds bad." 

"Its been fine." And Harry is visibly—if he could be— Startled by the sound of his voice. "James is still upset I went off on my own. But Im planning on purposing soon." 

Harry brows furrowed in confusion a bit of frustration and not being able to understand and at the fact they can't actually see him. 

"Marriage? Since when? I thought you two morons Were to busy dancing in the stars." Remus states casually before the man laughs. He laughs. And Harry finds it a very warming sound that counter acts with his looks. 

"Well James is as smart as a bludger. He can't even see straight the bloody idiot is an oblivious git." 

"Hmm. So is Sirius" and Harry feels his heart start to pull at the mention of Sirius. " But look. Married three years and still running." Remus says lifting his hand to show a ring that is very clearly an engagement ring and Harry nearly chokes on his own words.

"Married!?" He screeches, floating back a bit before looking at his feet only to sigh. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to this. 

"Sirius was oblivious? You know how long he tried to keep me and James from actually Dating right? Oh God imagine his reaction when he finds out his little brother wants to Marry His best mate." Remus hurls a laugh and Harrys heart warms. His laughter is always the brightest. Just like Harrys used to be. 

Then a sad smile form's as it slowly wilts into a frown. The image of Remus' body laying lifeless. His body covered in cuts and dust but still even then he looks peaceful. And Harry feels his chest tightening again before his throat slowly closes up. He can feel tears pricking at his eyes and stinging following behind it. The laugh cuts short as food appears at the tables. He watches as their eyes brighten, well remus', and the way they dig into their food Harry laughs. One looks more elegant and The other looks more like a child at breakfast. 

Harry laughs watching them before the rumbling of his stomach sounds and he glances down at his stomach. He huffed before hovering across the floors, he scans the table before looking for soenthing to eat. Only then does he realize he can't actually eat anything because his body has gone through everything. He huffed wondering exactly how he suppose to eat before his eyes catch sight of Ron's who's visibly irritated. 

"I just don't get it. Who does she think she is." He huffed, rolling his eyes as he stabs his chicken and bites into it roughly. Dean and Seamus share a look of confusion before turning back to Ron. 

"Mate we love yah and everything but who the bloody hell are you talking about?" Ron looks at them with his brows furrowed in what Hafry can only assume is irritationas he jabs his fork in the direction of the Ravenclaw table. 

"That Granger girl. She keeps correcting me on everything. And strange thing is its only me!" Ginny snickers beside him before being smacked in the arm by Ron only for the two to start bickering and Harry laughs. It reminds him of Ron and Hermione. The situation reminds him of first year. 

His heart twists again as he feels regret in his stomach and a fire burning in his chest, the smoke coming up through his throat and clogging it. Rage soon follows after at the mere fact he cannot talk to them. They cannot see him. Not even the ghost can see him. 

He huffed in pain before surging towards the doors. 

They slam open and thats when the whole room goes silent. Harry doesn't even notice it before he hits head first into something blurry. His glasses fall off and he heads to the ground. 

"Watch it!" Harry would know that voice almost anywhere. He scrambles to find his glasses as the boy walks off, beach blonde hair fading into the crowd of Students. His fingers find the tip of his glasses and immediately he puts them on his face. Blinking to adjust before looking around. His body instantly levitating to find the blonde he'd know and see in any crowd. 

His stomach twists as he find it and he lunges forward. His body hovering above the table as he stares down at the Blonde who is clearly ignoring him. 

"I told you! Stop doing that" 

"What the hell was I supposed to do!?" She screeched and Harry immediately recognizes it as Pansy Parkinson. He's only seen her once or twice in his life but Some how Harry doesn't forget her. 

"I don't know! You werent supposed to do that we could've gotten in trouble!" Malfoy whispered shouts pointing a finger in her chest. 

"Do you even know how to stay out of trouble?." Harry grumbles eyeing the boy suspiciously knowing he probably won't hear him. "Im not surprised. You Slyhterins know all to well what trouble looks like can't stay out of it. " Harry snaps rolling his eyes. 

"Excuse me!?" Malfoy shouts, his head snapping up to the boy hovering over his food. Harrys eyes widened as a smile finds its way to his face before it instantly disappears. 

"What do you mean Slytherins!? She's the idiot who did it not me!" 

"Me!? You planned it!" Parkinson shouts bewildered at his sudden Blame pinning. 

"I did not I told you not to do that!" 

"No you didnt!"

"I did too!" Malfoy shouts back and Harry can't help but feel amused at the moment. He snickers as it catches Malfoys attention. 

"Stop laughing at me you Moron!" Harry looks at him annoyed and irritated. 

"I am not a Moron you sleazy Git!" 

"Who are you even talking to!!" Parkinson shouts from beside him , both heads snap in their direction. 

"Him!" Draco shouts pointing upwards at Harry and thats When Harry Relaizes its only him. It's only Malfoy who can see him. And then it becomes cruelly amusing. His sadness at the fact nobody can see or hear him fading away as he's placed in pure joy that only Draco Malfoy can see him. People will think he's insane or loony like lovegood when They see him talking to himself. 

Harrys attention is caught by the professor he knows nothing of heading in their direction the way Snape would. 

"Draco." His voice sounds soft just like before but more stern and harsh and Harry actually sees the other flinch. His brows furrow together as Malfoy faces him. His head nodding in the direction of the door before Malfoy nods and heads after him. Patting Pansy on her shoulder to assure him he's okay before walking out with Harry trailing behind. 

Once they're outside in the halls the man spins on his heel to stare at Malfoy. It's like he's searching for something. 

"Are you okay?" He asks Genuine concern as he puts a hand on Malfoys shoulder and squeezes it gently. 

"Course he's not. It's Malfoy." Harry mutters crossing his arms. Malfoys head whipped back his brows stitched in irritation and rage. 

"Would you shut up!?" He snaps huffing before turning back forward. He gave a smile and Harry instantly goes to look at it. It's the same as the others only different. His teeth don't shine like they always do they don't sparkle and Harrys fairly certain Malfoys lost his sense of self. His lips don't curl in that sickenly Slytherin way they always have and their is no crinkle by his eyes. It almost looks genuine. It makes Harry shiver. 

"Draco are you sure your okay?" 

" 'course why wouldn't I be?" He asks sweetly and that makes Harry Gag. He receives a swift glare before the smile returns and Harry feels sick at seeing it. It's not like his normal smile and it feels so off not seeing the crinkle that's always there or the sparkle to his teeth. 

"It's just..." They start off and look in Harrys direction. 

"Who are your talking to again?" Harry snickers before he burst into laughter. Good. Draco looks insane. Harrys laughter almost immediately stops. His brows furrowed in confusion. Wait–Draco? Since when did that happen?. 

"Oi." Malfoy snaps and Harry hums and blinks at him with a Cheshire smile. 

"What's your name?" Harry feels the churn of his stomach. The brun of his skin and the woozyness of his head as the room spends. 

He's spent years with Malfoy relentlessly teasing him and bullying him. Not really but they've thrown insults and words back and forth for years. It almost hurts that Malfoy doesn't know him. He knows Malfoy and Malfoys a self-loathing prick. Who would never, ever forget about Harry Bloody Potter. He hangs it above him everyday. Ever since Harry rejected his bloody friendship in first year. 

They've been rivals and mutal enemies since then. They both hurt each other and almost killed each other (mostly Harry) as well as saved each other's lives. You don't just forget all of that. He defeated voldemort, someone who tortured Malfoy for a very long time. You can't just forget about that can you? Not unless you've been hit with the Obliviate spell. But even then seeing him would spark those memories. Wouldn't they? 

Bloody Hell Malfoy climbed a fucking tree for him. He knows damn well that Draco wouldn't sit up there for no reason at all. He's to elegant and Malfoy to do that. He also didn't tell them it was him in the Manor and they've mentally and physically fucked up each other to the point of no return and even then he still had saved Harry. And harry the same for him. They would always find the other and just say something to piss them off even with how hurt and depressed they both were. It was something Harry didn't know he was used to. 

Harry doesn't know what happened next all he knows is that he disappeared right at the moment. He could hear Malfoy calling out to him but Harry hadn't listened. It was so muffled and distant and he was to caught up in his own bubble that replayed a multitude of Memories of he and Malfoy. He had become so used to the constant nagging of Malfoy spewing complete and utter bullocks that it Hurts to not hear it now. 

His world was crowded in black as he curled himself up into a ball. This hurt. Not as bad as being ignored but still it messed with his heart strings the same way it messed with his head. His tears start to sting his eyes. Bloody fuck this is Malfoy. Malfoy. And he's crying because Malfoy doesn't know him. He should be happy. 

Malfoy can't torment him now. But it just feels wrong. It's feels Wrong. This isn't what Harry knows. This all feels foreign. 

This is– This isnt– Harry doesn't know this! He doesn't know any of it! It doesn't feel right it feels fake and unreal and Harry can't handle that ontop of everything else. So he does what he can only think to do. 

He cries. Into his knees as he entraps himself with his arms. Hugging his body and legs close as he's in his own bubble he doesn't want to come out of. 

His world is dark after that and Harry couldn't seem to care about anything other than the fact that Malfoy doesn't know him. Those words ring in his head like anyother. 

What's your name?

He has no idea why it hurts. Just as bad if not worse than being nonexsistant to those he really knows. Harrys hasn't a clue but he doesn't care he just curls up and cries, for hours or days it doesn't matter he just cries. Because that's all he feels like he can do. 

He's Harry James Potter and Nobody knows him. Not the ghosts. Not his best mates. Not his professors. Not even his enemy. And damn it it just hurts.