Like Gold

Professor Sprout wrote back to Ernie after about a day of waiting, it seemed she agreed with all his points and soon there would be a formal meeting in the ministry within a matter of days between Professor McGonagall who was now formally recognised as the rightful headmistress of Hogwarts, the heads of houses, the minister, and the education sectary. This pleased him beyond anything. It had taken his mind off the fact that tomorrow was supposed to have been James’ birthday.

But as he put down the letter that fact snuck up on him very quickly. He thought that after the funeral he’d feel some closure but there wasn’t any closure. He still felt just as he did on the day of the battle, though it seemed to come and go in waves. Like the day when Neville became an auror, after everybody left it suddenly hit him again. He began sobbing because he realised that Susan’s funeral would be in a week, but he continued because he realised for the first time ever, he had hung out with all their friends without Jem. And he kept crying until his dad found him dry heaving in his bedroom after he got back from work.

It was exhausting. But sometimes he was happy, and he tried to cling to those times. He thought that when he was alone it was worse when he had the chance to really think about it. He just knew the following day would be among the hardest days since the battle.

***
When he arrived at Malham the next morning he procrastinated going to the graveyard, it was a beautiful place, and he didn’t want to rush anything. He decided he would do it when he was ready. He went on the hike they had all gone on a couple of years back when they were all here after his grandfather attacked him, and the same night James said he loved him. The trail was less busy because luckily it wasn’t school holidays, he walked past the waterfall that they had all visited. He decided to sit there, and he ended up sitting there for two hours just listening to the water flow into the plunge pool at the bottom. It was a relaxing sensation the noise and watching the splashes as the waterfall collided with the smoother water of the pool. He felt so at peace there as he remembered everything he could think of about that place and more.

He realised that the pain of losing what he had was only there because of all the good he had experienced. He had in those one and a half years what some people don’t experience in a lifetime, he was luckier than most. It was then when he mustered up the courage to walk back to the village.

As he reached the churchyard he exhaled deeply before entering. He remembered the spot where the grave was, he immediately thought back to how there a six-foot hole had been there before and how it felt to watch everyone fall apart. The feeling that he was being stabbed in the heart still remained prevalent like the day of the funeral.

The funny thing was there was more flowers there than before, he remembered the amount that had been there the last time and there was notably more. Ernie tried not to look at the marble headstone, a grim reminder of where he was but he found himself looking at the flowers. It was obvious who some were from. Luna’s stuck out like a sore thumb they were bright blue and purple, the purple ones looked like little balloons and the blue ones looked like they glowed. It made him smile ever so slightly. Some people had left notes, but he decided not to read them, thinking they were obviously personal. He then decided to take a seat next to him.

“Happy Birthday Jem.” Ernie began “I don’t really know what I’m doing right now, because I imagine you’re not exactly here, but I hope you… I hope you are… I just knew I had to be here. I guess it’s been so hard over the past few weeks and today is just another reminder to everyone that you’re gone. I know that if you were still with us today would’ve been… I don’t know we could’ve gone down the pub or something and not worry about not being served, had the biggest party since Hannah’s… or that night at Susan’s…who knows.”

He breathed outwards and tried to stop himself from breaking down once again, his chest felt incredibly tight, and he could feel himself starting to shake.

“It’s been so hard without you. I feel like half of me died that day too, most nights I remember when I realised you were gone and… our last goodbye and all of that and… I’ve seen how losing you affected everyone… and it’s so so hard… I hate how some people were able to celebrate the end of the war, but we weren’t… because the war ending meant we lost both you and Sue and I-I felt so bad for feeling this way but part of me wished we were still fighting if it meant having you with me still…”

He couldn’t hold it in anymore, he began to properly cry. Tears streamed down his cheeks like a waterfall after a rainstorm.

“I don’t miss how much we suffered, I wouldn’t ever want to return to that, but I miss you so much and at least when we suffered, we suffered together…but now I feel so alone. You were the only person who I could always depend on… and we have the most amazing friends, but you consumed me to the point where I couldn’t live without that and now… that’s gone… you’re gone, and I don’t have that anymore. I have the biggest gap in my heart and that couldn’t ever be filled by anyone accept you.”

Ernie wiped away his tears but more came up. He realised he hadn’t said any of this before out loud and all these emotions he was just feeling now were coming out of him after being locked away for three weeks.

“It’s not just me though…I know all of our friends, your family and anyone that knew you feels the same… you always used to call me sunshine, but you were that too. You had a way of lightening anything and now it feels like we’re in some eternal starless night because you’re not there anymore. You proved that love was golden… you made everything so beautiful even when things were so dark, and I loved that about you. And honestly, I don’t think I will ever be able to love anyone as much as I love you…”

He placed his hand on the cool marble that read Jem’s name… it was now the closest thing he’d have to touching him again… it killed him to think that.

“I remember I made that promise to you… I’ll always love you. And I will…I promise…”

It was then when the words stopped flowing and when the tears really did start. He allowed himself to properly cry, he hugged himself as he let out cries similar to the ones he had let out on the day of the battle. He didn’t care if he was in public, he didn’t care about anything apart from the fact that if James had been there, he would’ve pulled him into his arms and soothed him immediately, but he couldn’t have that no more. As he continued to cry, he pulled some flowers out of his bag. They were yellow carnations, they reminded him of the bright and happy times they had spent together, and they were so beautiful as a tear landed on a petal the light that reflected of them was like gold.

He didn’t know how long he said there for, just that when he did get up there were three people standing near the gate of the graveyard. He knew immediately who they were. His legs were stiff, and his eyes felt so sore, but he didn’t care much for how he walked or how he looked. As he walked towards them, he let himself be embraced immediately by the girl with the curly blonde hair.

“Are you alright Ernie? We figured you’d be here to, so we decided to give you some space.” Hannah said softly.

“Thanks… I’ll be alright just…it…” he tried to speak but he really couldn’t describe how he felt. “I-I just need to go home…”

Hannah nodded sympathetically. Clary who held some bluebells in her hand also looked at Ernie, she looked as though she was blinking away tears too. But she embraced him and so did Neville. All four of them had gone through something unspeakable and now were bound by their shared grief. It was almost as though he had taken Jem’s place… that in an in his absence they would always look after him. That’s how it felt. It was nice. Once they released each other from their embrace he said a quiet goodbye to them and left the village.

***
The next couple of days flew by and before he knew it, he found himself at another incredibly sombre occasion. Susan’s funeral was to be the last funeral of all the people who died in the Battle of Hogwarts. The event had striking similarity to James’ the minister spoke once again, the entire DA were there to pay their respects but this time there was to be no burial but a cremation and then she would be spread in the mountains in the same place as her parents had been.

“Today we stand here to honour yet another brave young person who lost their life in the fight against tyranny. I was there when Susan Bones was among the young people who stood and defended the castle, and as she went to fight, I imagine she knew what she was signing up for, yet she heroically stayed put. This is because like her auntie Amelia Bones, Susan was extremely brave, she would always stand up for good even laying down her life for it. During her days at Hogwarts, she was known to be kind, hard-working and incredibly gifted. And as someone else put it, her house of Hufflepuff has been considered inferior, many people consider Hufflepuffs to be weak minded and cowardly, well if anybody says that about Hufflepuff again, they would be dismissing the incredible bravery Hufflepuffs have shown during the course of this war and therefore disrespecting those like Susan who laid down their lives with no hesitation and showing more bravery than most others…”

As he contined on Ernie couldn’t help but smile though his immense sadness. He had heard that several times but now nobody could ever say that about their house again. He had this conversation with her once after someone had said that exact thing to her, and what the minister said was true. Nobody could ever say that again. He wished that so many of his housemates didn’t die to make that point, most of all Susan. And as Ernie walked out of the church with Clary, Hannah, Neville, Justin, and Daphne he felt an odd sense closure.

Almost like for the first time since the battle he felt like he could close the doors and even if he was unsuccessful attempt to look to the future. They were now walking to Susan’s house which was a strange trip within itself because they had been her only a couple of months prior before the battle.

Hannah wiped away some tears from her eyes. “That was nice.” Hannah said softly “I think Sue would’ve appreciated that.”

“She would’ve.” Ernie smiled.

“Yeah… well I also have something to tell you all.” Hannah said, “Neville and I are moving to London.”

“Oh wow!” Daphne cried “That’s amazing.”

“We’ve found a place in Kensington, and I’ve got a job at the Leaky Cauldron, because I’ve decided I need some proper experience in helping to run a pub, so that I can take what I learn there and apply it to the bakery at home.” Hannah reported.

“It’s great too because you lot are welcome to visit anytime.” Neville added “We’re really close to the natural history museum and the science museum so if anyone fancies a museum trip on our days off, you’re more than welcome.”

“I’m so up for that.” Justin cried “And you’ll all be welcome round mine too, I can show you some really great places around London.”

Ernie smiled “We need to plan this. I’ve never been before but I’ve always wanted to go.”

“Did you know too they have a hidden section for magical creatures and plants?” Neville added “I just can’t wait to visit.” They had now arrived at Susan’s which immediately hit them all with both an odd sense of nostalgia and finality. It was after all the spot where they had all been before everything had happened, the last time Ernie was here he had been with James and Susan was there with them. Therefore, it was just so weird.

“Wait they do?” Ernie cried “Since when?”

“Since it was founded.” Neville replied, “The thing is nobody tells you about that sort of stuff, it was Professor Sprout that told me you know!”

“Ah I love her how she always knows everything about that stuff.” Ernie grinned “Speaking of the devil.”

Professor Sprout then approached them, she had a smile on her face despite a sad occasion. “Ernie, may I chat for a second?”

Ernie agreed he said a quick goodbye to their group and left with the Professor; they found a secluded spot. Away from most of the crowds.

“Well, to say your idea caught traction was an understatement.” She smiled “Well done Ernie, within the next few weeks we will send out letters in which students will notify us on what their intentions are for the next school year, we will of course give you a month or so to decide. But those who don’t will be given provisional grades.”

“Brilliant.” Ernie grinned.

“I know that not many of your cohort will be keen to return because of the nature of what you have all suffered.” She said, “But you shouldn’t be sanctioned for that, your future should be just as bright as those who had the opportunity to sit exams.”

“Thanks Professor.” Ernie thanked “This will mean so much for everyone.”

“I thought so too.” She said “In particularly Neville over there. He’s been offered a job as an Auror but I believe it won’t be long before he turns back to the greenhouses. Or yourself Ernie, I know that whatever you chose for your future you will excel brilliantly.”

“You think so?” he asked, he could tell he was also blushing.

“I know so.” she remarked.

She then left him standing there quite flattered and he allowed himself to feel so. He really didn’t know what he wanted to do with his future, he was always told by his grandfather he would work in the ministry but now he wasn’t so sure, he didn’t want to be a politician. Now going back to Hogwarts defiantly wasn’t on the cards for him he decided to properly think about it, seeing as he would have months to do so.

As he went back into the lounge, he found Clary and Daphne first. “Hey Ernie.” Daphne said “Are you alright?”

“Of course.” Ernie breathed “Are you both alright.”

He had noticed that Clary hadn’t spoken as much since leaving the church, and now her eyes were drawn to a guitar in the corner of the room. “I’m alright.” Clary reassured “It’s just so strange being here right now.”

“It is.” Ernie agreed, it was no secret that Clary and Susan were almost together before Susan had been murdered, . Susan had once told him pretty much everything, one evening of that week when they had found a moment to catch up. “It’s going to be strange for a long time, and despite what Augusta said to us I think we can try and reclaim some of our old selves back.”

“That would be nice wouldn’t it.” Clary agreed. “I’m sure going to try.”

“I am too.” Ernie agreed.

The pair then hugged each other happily in the knowledge that despite everything they would now have each other on the long journey through their grief to finding themselves again and coming to terms with everything they had lost. As he released himself from Clary, he noticed Justin motioning to come with him somewhere.

“I’ve been summoned.” Ernie joked as he left Clary and Daphne smiling slightly behind him. Justin then sat down on a couch.

“So…I have a pretty strange proposition…” Justin said, he appeared to be pretty anxious about what he was about to come out with.

“What?” Ernie asked.

“Fancy coming to Australia with me?” Justin replied.

Out of all the things he could’ve said, Ernie was extremely shocked when he said this.

“What!” Ernie gasped “That’s nuts Justin!”

“Why is it nuts?” Justin asked, “Well I know it’s pretty drastic but… when I was at school in Australia, they told me about this wizarding university in Sydney… you can pretty much study anything and I’m convinced that they’ll accept us both there.”

“I can’t just move to Australia!” Ernie cried “That’s madness…”

“But Ernie before we do that there’s no reason why we can’t do some travelling together…the terms in Australia are different to ours because the school year starts in February.” Justin added. “And I’m so convinced you’d do amazing at uni.”

“To be honest I can kind of see that.” Ernie agreed, “It’s crazy but…”

“We wouldn’t leave for a couple of months. I’m thinking maybe late August.” Justin said. “And by then we’d know about our grades and if we got in. Plus, there’s quite a lot of scholarships since they’re trying to increase their international student population or something like that?”

The more Justin spoke the more he was convinced, this was a drastic action to take, and, in his grief, he could easily make a mistake, but he was also sure that doing this would give him a sense of purpose and he’d be with his best friend. His best friend who came back from Australia after he had heard what happened during the battle. He knew that if Justin was there with him, he could take on any of the challenges he faced. And travelling the world with his best friend sounded like a dream.

“Okay… well I’ll probably have to get a summer job to pay for all that but…fuck it…let’s do it!” Ernie grinned.

Justin then hugged him extremely enthusiastically. “We’ll have a lot of planning and applications to do but…it will be great.”

“It will be absolutely amazing.” Ernie chimed and for the first time since the battle did, he genuinely smile and look forward to what the future had in stall. “Better learn how to fight those great whites and crocodiles.”

“Well actually, it’s the megalodon you should be more worried about.” Hannah inputted; she was standing above them with Neville’s arm around her waist. Clary and Daphne were also there grinning.

“Wait that exists?” Ernie cried.

“Well yeah! They live in The Great Australian Bight.” Hannah reported “They rarely come to shore though.”

Ernie then had second doubts about what he had agreed to. “Great!” Ernie joked. “Anything else I should know?”

“Well…” that’s when Hannah began to list all sorts of terrifying animals from giant scorpions that breathed fire, massive crocodiles that hung out in rivers, flying flesh eating ants and jellyfish that could transfigure into any sea creature with an extremely painful sting. Apparently, she really wasn’t joking because Justin nodded at each addition to the growing and terrifying list. But she reassured him that “Dropbears” didn’t exist so that was something.

“Great, still going?” Justin asked.

“I’ll still go don’t worry,” Ernie reassured. “But that’s insane, I mean let’s be real we survived worse over our seven years at Hogwarts.”

“True that.” Clary laughed “And Daphne and I are crazy enough to be going back.”

“I don’t know who’s going to be more in danger, me and Justin or you and Daphne.” Ernie grinned.

“Well let’s hope Hogwarts under Professor McGonagall is better than Hogwarts under Snape.” Daphne manifested.

“Anything will be an improvement to that.” Ernie smiled and every face in their little group lit up, and for the rest of that day at least there were no more tears.