Don't you mind you might find, a better place to play
"Kreacher?" Regulus opened his eyes weakly.
"Kreacher called me here" James's voice was getting closer and closer.
"James?" Regulus looked over at him with a wet eyes.
"Hey I'm here, It's gonna be fine" James assured him and Regulus was just looking at him, lying in his bed curled up in his blanked all naked.
"I can't move" Regulus says in worry that James wants to take him to his house, the thought of everybody's eyes on him makes him feel sick.
"Do you want me to get someone ? Barty ? Pandora or Evan ? " James asks and Regulus shakes his head in disagreement.
"Please don't" Regulus murmured quietly.
"Okay" James nodded
"Okay?"
"Okay, I'll stay here with you as long as you need me to" James whispered and Regulus just hated this, this feeling of confusion and vulnerability, loneliness. He felt so alone even though James was right next to him.
"Do you need anything ?" James asked softly.
"Could you give me another blanket? It's right here on the chair" Regulus whispered.
James got up and put another blanket on Regulus gently.
"I'll get you some water" James was about to leave the room until Regulus stopped him.
"Wait! Don't-don't leave , please" There was a fear in regulus's eyes. He feared that Lucius would came back, he feared that his parents would come back sooner or that one of his cousins came for a visit.
James stopped as he looked at frightened Regulus and he came back.
"you know, you may feel like you're damaged or something but you are resilient, strong, courageous, powerful, brave, and a fighter. You'll get through the bad days" James whispered after few minutes of silence .
"I know" Regulus sighed.
Regulus was tucked in those blankets for another hour and James sat next to him on the floor. They haven't talked or even looked at each other.
Regulus was just there lying and waiting for the feeling of disgust and inability to move, to go away.
He knew it would disappear eventually, it always does. This time it was so much better, usually he lies like that for days thinking about his shitty life and every time that happened he was so fucked up he thought about ending it all.
It was always Sirius who stopped him, he wouldn't leave Sirius here alone in this world. When Sirius left it got worse. There was a one time when Regulus had no one to live for ,it was the time between Sirius's departure and James and him becoming friends.
It was during the Christmas break when he visited home for the holidays and holidays means family, and family means Lucius.
The night he questioned his existence like thousand times, he really wanted to end it but he couldn't do it. Maybe because he was a coward, maybe not.
He did recover though. He spend the rest of the holidays locked in his room lying in his bed just like he is lying now. Except then he was all alone and there was nothing about this place that made him feel safe, he felt like Lucius was still there behind the door waiting for him to come out. He hasn't showered for days and hasn't eaten anything since.
When it was the time to go back to school he managed to get out of the bed, he still felt it, everything and everywhere. He showered after the whole week and threw up right after.
Then he was locked in his dorm for a whole week until one day James came to check on him, he told him he had a fever than. It wasn't a lie, he indeed had fever.
And after that he didn't think of Lucius ,his head was full of James. James knew so much about him and he knew so little about James.
And when he and James met at the astronomy tower, he knew that he wants to get to know him more.
Regulus opened his eyes now, he saw James's head resting on the edge of Regulus's bed.
Regulus got up with all those blankets wrapped around him.
James was still asleep and Regulus headed to the bathroom, he locked the door and looked in the mirror.
Just staring at himself disgusted.
He took a quick shower even though he felt like his knees will fail him every second, he couldn't bear the feeling of Lucius all over him.
One of his pants were drying in the bathroom, he put them on and around his shoulders he threw a blanket.
He was surprised how quickly he was able to get up this time, it was probably because of James's company. He would felt like a total wreck if he kept him here even a few hours longer.
But he also so much wanted James to stay here, he couldn't stay here alone, not now.
"Can you take me to Sirius's flat ?" Regulus muttered as he walked out of the bathroom and James was already awake sitting on the couch.
"I- yeah okay" James whispered.
"Okay" Regulus said taking one of his sweaters from the closet.
"You wanna go right now ?" James asked and Regulus nodded "yeah I don't want to bother you any longer "
"you're not bothering me Reg - you never bother me "
"I know I do and It's okay- I'm glad you came here I would have been such a mess without you, and now you can go and live your life I'll be fine. I'm sorry I dragged you into this again -into dealing with my shit but I won't do it again I promise" Regulus said with a cold gaze as he spoke.
"Please don't say that" James begged he didn't even knew why exactly
"What ?"
"Don't say that I- I want you in my life Regulus, I want to deal with anything that has something to do with you, I don't want to leave you again" James cried desperately trying not to .
"You're with Lily James and I - I am not goona be your -"
"Friend." Regulus finished after a while of hesitating.