Chapter 13
-Ouch- Draco groaned at Iris's pecking -I didn't do a thing to you! -
The boy had gone up to the owlery to give his pet a present and some special powder to clean her feathers, which he tried to help but apparently he wasn't very good at, so he left the specialist to her own care.
-What a diva-he mumbled.
The screeching of another owl caught his attention, Potter's owl was looking at him with something that Draco would only interpret as reproach, he had been up a couple of times to visit Iris in the last few weeks and between them he had also spoiled the other owl whose name he still didn't know, nor did he remember hearing it in his first life. Now the snowy owl felt entitled to scream at him whenever he didn't pay enough attention to her.
-Yes, yes, right here- He took out a couple of treats and gave them to the bird, who ate happily- I hope you shout like that at your owner-.
It had been two days since the failed apology to Longbottom, he hadn't heard any rumours in the corridors about the incident and no Slytherin had approached him to tell him that he was pathetic for apologizing to a traitor so he assumed that no one involved had let their tongues hang out. What had changed was that he could now feel the gaze of the golden trio on the back of his neck whenever he had the misfortune to cross them, which made him nervous.
Luna tried to get him to talk more about it but he just wanted to put it behind him, he had already apologized, he didn't owe anything anymore, at least not to Longbottom as he still had a lot of apologies to make but not now, there was still time. If his plan went the way he wanted it to, he would have all the time in the world to apologize.
Iris landed on the same branch that the snowy owl was using in front of Draco pulling him out of his thoughts, Iris gave a soft screech to the other bird who didn't seem to flinch and instead moved up and down in a gesture of acknowledgement, Iris mimicked her to Draco's amusement.
-Looks like you made a friend- Draco stroked his owl's head- happy for you, girl-
He stayed a while longer watching the two owls interact with each other with odd movements and light pecks, maybe he should read more about owl behavior, more to understand why his owl was clawing Potter's owl and why Potter's owl kept bobbing its head from side to side. Might as well get him out of the boredom of class.
He softly said goodbye to both birds who ignored him completely, too caught up in their game. Walking out of the owlery he ran head on into the person he least wanted to meet, well maybe it was below Snape in the people he wanted to avoid but still.
Potter stood in front of him on the stairs looking at him as if he had been caught stealing food from the kitchens.
-I…-
Draco rolled his eyes and walked around Potter, not wanting to have any interaction with the boy as, looking at the statistics, any interaction between the two of them would end in conflict and he wasn't in the mood for any of that right now. Apparently the black-haired boy got the message and continued on his way to the owls' dwelling.
The blond had only gone down a couple of steps when a loud voice stopped him for a second.
-Hedwig, don't fight-Potter said reproachfully-Is that Malfoy's owl? Did he do something to you?-
Well now Draco knew the name of Iris's new friend. Hedwig, the blond thought it was a pretty name and that she had a very stupid owner, although he already knew that.
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-Excellent, Draco-Lupin flapped at the well-done Ascendare in several books in the office, moving them through the air with fluidity and precision-You've been practicing quite a bit outside of class, I imagine-
Draco continued to play with the books, making them dance like in that sword in the stone film he had seen in his first life, the Muggles' fanciful depiction of Merlin was completely hilarious and he adored it, it made him smile brightly as he was now.
-It's great to be able to use my magic again- he said without turning to look at his teacher- today I used a warming spell, much better than any coat I swear-
He loved warming spells, he did it in his first life and he did it in this one. Snow might be beautiful, but bone-chilling cold was not. The only bad thing about those spells was that they didn't last very long, even with his magic altered they still didn't last more than a couple of minutes. He needed more clothes to keep him warm to be honest.
-I'm glad- Lupin grabbed one of the chocolates from the table-You know, I've been teaching a student a rather complicated spell and I thought you might like to learn it as well-
-You've already replaced me? - He said with a dramatic tone and fake sadness, returning the books to their places-Well, my mother used to say not to trust any men-
-No, no, no-Quickly replied the professor with laughter growing on his face-No one could imitate your greeat personality, haha. No, it's just that with the amount of Dementors around the school, I think it's good that you learn a spell against them-
Draco's mood dropped drastically, his shoulders slumped slightly and his smile faded, he knew what Lupin was talking about.
-Expectro Patronum...
-Exactly, I'd like to know that you at least have a way to defend yourself against those soul-suckers when there's no adult around. You may be ahead of your year, but I think we're past that stage now-
Lupin sounded very positive about Draco learning the spell while eating the delicate chocolate, which made the boy feel a little worse.
Dark wizards who tried to produce Patronus would be consumed by the worms.
It was a ridiculous belief but the reality was that the vast majority of dark wizards were not known to be able to perform this spell due to the darkness in their hearts. Draco was not a dark wizard, at least not anymore, but he believed that there was still darkness in his soul that would prevent his Patronus from coming out, after all rebirth did not cleanse the sins and lives that were taken because of him, those would always be inside him even if he tried to fix them they would leave a dark stain that no good deed could ever cleanse, ever.
He had tried, the first few months he regained his magic he tried to cast the spell just to prove that he wasn't dark, that there was good in him, but it never worked. Not even a little set of lights came out of his wand from the ministry, nothing. Even after all the punishment he'd gone through, even after learning and coming out of his prejudices, his heart still wasn't pure enough for a Patronus, maybe it never would be and that made him want to stick his head in a boiling cauldron and disappear.
He didn't even think it was worth trying now. It would just be a waste of time for Lupin and himself.
-Are you alright?-Lupin asked worriedly-You've been quiet for a while now-
-I just don't think it's necessary-Draco lied quickly, feeling only slightly guilty, -Dumbledore has the Dementors under control, right? Besides, I want to keep to the basics now that I can finally control my magic. -
He didn't trust Dumbledore with a single one of his brain cells, but Lupin did, God knows why, so that should do for now.
-Draco, you know you can talk to me, right? -
It didn't
-Of course I know ,the dumb blond thing is just a stereotype, you know?-
Lupin wasn't distracted by the joke.
-Is this about your family?- the teacher asked cautiously.
Draco looked at him in confusion, his head turned slightly to one side.
-I know as well as you do what they say that dark wizards and your family, both sides of your family, are known for, well.
-We're not all dark wizards-
Draco responded defensively, his eyes squinting with a slight frown on his brows as if daring his teacher to say something else. He knew the reputation of his family, both the Malfoy's and the Black's, but he would not allow another stereotype to mark his own reputation, besides there were several examples burned into the tapestries of both families that reminded him of how some of them had broken out of the pureblood dark wizard mould they had been cast in at birth.
Not that everyone born on the Black or Malfoy trees had been a dark wizard, but there were several members who made their surnames known in that way, and the rest of the family played along too eagerly, much to the annoyance of future generations.
-Yes, yeah, I know that. Look- Lupin got a little nervous,-I know what your family is known for, I know your father was a Voldemort supporter even if he had been under an Imperius- Draco snorted in disgust as he remembered how Lucius had been saved from Azkaban the first time-what I mean is that you are not your family or what they impose on you-
Draco said nothing, waiting for the teacher to continue with the explanation.
-If you don't want to learn the Patronus by your own choice, that's fine, but I don't want you to limit yourself to new things just because you think there's dark magic in your heart because you were born into a family of dark wizards- Lupin explained calmly.
Oh...
Lupin, being as perceptive as he was, thought that Draco doubted himself because of his family's past and not because of his own sins. Not that the werewolf knew of his mistakes either, so he assumed what he thought best.
Draco had to swallow the urge to laugh at the situation, that wasn't what he expected. In truth he didn't even know what he expected, but that wasn't it.
He smiled softly at his teacher, letting go of any annoyance he had begun to feel, maybe deep down there was still this loyalty to his family and family legacy that made him resent it, there were things about nurture that were too ingrained in him to die easily.
-It's not that, I know I'm not a dark wizard just because some ancestor of mine decided to have fun with demons and play with death- he said in a softer, more relaxed tone-I just want to stick to the basics for now-
Lupin looked at his student with the same concern he had had since the first day he had seen his Boggart, he could tell that Draco was not like his ancestors and he wanted to protect that at all costs. To keep the young blond on the path of light and not let anyone, not even his parents manipulate this gentle being that he had grown fond of.
The werewolf nodded and leaned back in his chair, signifying his acceptance of Draco's answer.
-Still, I must reaffirm that you can talk to me about anything, I'm not a mediwizard, nor am I certified in psychology, but if you tell me what's going on I can help you find someone suitable to help you-
Draco rolled his eyes and instead of answering he did a levitation spell towards the chocolates on the table to attract it to him.
- Or even if you have any doubts, I know that at your age young people are going through a lot of changes and have questions about their body and -
Draco felt the young part of his soul take its place, painting his cheeks as red as the roses his mother grew in summer. No, he didn't want to talk about it at all, especially not with his teacher.
-No, no, no- he spoke quickly, stopping Lupin-I don't need the lecture, or the class, or any of that. Mother told me everything I need to know about teenage pregnancies and getting the lecture from Lucius was one of the most horrible things I had to go through, first i gave myself up as a living sacrifice to the giant squid to use my bones as toothpicks, my blood as juice, my skull as decoration and my leather as a fine napkin, after tearing me apart and eating what little flesh I have, to have the lecture with you, no offense-.
A shiver of disgust ran through Draco's body as he remembered how at 14 he had been taught the expectations he should have to satisfy his future wife by Lucius and how the idiot only talked about how he had to bleed to verify that she was pure and that she couldn't have bastards out of wedlock. Fucking backwards sex education. Thank Merlin he's gay and if he wasn't at least that talk kept him away from sex in his teens for quite some time.
-There, you've done it again- Lupin said sitting up straight again in his chair ignoring Draco's verbiage, -You call Narcissa, mother but with your father it various between father in a derogatory way or Lucius in a disrespectful way-
Draco suddenly felt trapped, he hadn't even noticed he was doing that. After so many years of talking about Lucius the way he wanted to, it wasn't easy to go back to just saying 'father' with all admiration.
-Draco, that's not natural for a boy that loves or even has any affection for his father- Lupin spoke, concern and worry overflowing in his tone and posture, -Christmas holidays are coming up and I want, no, I need to know that you're going somewhere safe-
It was implicit in the air what Lupin was referring to, Draco was naïve and thought his teacher would forget the boggart issue as the rest of his friends and classmates had.
He slouched back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest, facing the rest of the office to avoid his teacher's gaze.
The blond was well aware that what his father had done to him throughout his childhood was not good and that it was abuse, but all his life he had considered those treatments as corrections of his mistakes from a person who loved him and that only changed when his father left him and his mother at the hands of the Death Eaters and Bellatix's torture. That was when he realized just how bad Lucius had been and that the love he claimed to profess for his family was nothing more than a twisted affection for fulfilling the expectations of a pureblood family and gaining more power.
He remembers that time he was able to talk to his best friends about what his childhood was like, watering down and changing the magical parts completely; how Larry looked at him with sadness and how Sheila looked at him with horror on her features as he told more and more. They had a long talk about childhood trauma and how hitting is no way to parent, even as they both shared their own experiences with corporal punishment: Larry who was beaten with a belt when he was little for breaking an antique vase, says his mother never laid a hand on him again; Sheila who was spanked by her father after almost going off with a stranger in the street when she was 9.
None of those events were like Draco's, not at all, but they helped the boy open up more and in time he could say out loud that his father was an aggressive bloody idiot, even in his childhood, even if before he entered Hogwarts he had his good moments.
Still it wasn't a topic he liked to discuss often, more like never.
He glanced sideways at his teacher, who was still looking at him with the same concern shining in his eyes. Draco would say he reminded him of a worried puppy if he didn't laugh so much at the comparison.
Was it racist to compare werewolves to dogs?
He'd save that question for later, he had to get out of this predicament first.
-It's a rather personal subject," Draco said quietly, not even turning to look at the teacher, "Would you tell me what pranks you played on Snape to make him hate you so much?-
Lupin frowned.
-Draco, that is not the same thing-
-Sensitive subject for sensitive subject and you don't have to worry, I can deal with Lucius-
¨Plus with my magic back," he thought to himself.
He wouldn't let the current owner of Malfoy Manor lay a finger on him if he could help it.
-Well...-
Draco turned to look at his teacher in confusion and surprise, still crossing his arms.
-Well... what?-
-I'll tell you one of the events that makes Snape so resentful of the gryffindors and you tell me what would have happened if you hadn't locked up your boggart that time-
There was a determination in Lupin's voice that countered his nervous posture, hands on the table, head down. The professor would be taking out things that he had locked away in a trunk for a student from the same house as the affected one to judge, and although he trusted Draco, he didn't know if the boy would see it the same way after he told him.
Draco in his place was shocked, he didn't think Lupin would be able to broach a subject that clearly made him so uncomfortable on other occasions; Gryffindor stubbornness he supposed. He could simply refuse and he knew his teacher would not press him but he would not deny that he was filled with a morbid curiosity to know what had happened in his teachers' school years. Maybe it was worth it, besides, Draco was sure that Lupin knew what went on at home, he just wanted confirmation.
-Fine... -
The blond agreed, sitting up straight in his chair with his elbows on the table now, interested in what his DADA Master would tell him.
Remus caught his breath and began.
-I already told you that we never got along with Snape, it was a mutual thing. Both because of our houses and because of different ideas we all had. Spells were cast on both sides but we were the majority. Snape had Lily but she wouldn't fight with us or James and Sirius would attack when she wasn't there- Lupin sighed- I don't even remember anymore if there was a reason or if it was just to annoy him, but James disarmed Severus and floated him upside down and started shouting in front of everyone if anyone wanted to see Severus' pants, who seemed to be getting more and more nervous.
Lupin paused, leaving Draco to analyze the information he had just thrown at him.
-so...? - Draco asked with an arched eyebrow, surprising Lupin-That's all that happened? I mean if it was really bad, knowing Severus that humiliation hammered his ego for a long time, ha sure it still does-he scoffed softly-but that wasn't you...-
The werewolf glared at his pupil.
-What ,I.. could have stopped them! -He said defensively- I was there, I could have stopped them but instead I laughed along with them and let it happen-
-But it wasn't you.
-But I was able to help! Snape is- was! An idiot but he didn't deserve that- Lupin struggled with the words, he seemed desperate trying to get his point across- I should have stopped them-
-Yeah, maybe you should have- Draco said and felt a little bad about how dry that came out-Like Flint should have corrected me for calling Grange a mudblood or Blaise could have stopped me from making fun of Neville so much-Draco explained-They're not responsible for my actions, I would never hold it against them. They're idiots for laughing and humoring me, sure-
He shrugged, not without noticing how Lupin shrunk in on himself even more, so he reached out to grasp his teacher's hand. An act of consolation that Draco felt was small in comparison to all the times the werewolf had comforted him.
-But like you said, teenagers are idiots and we look for groups to belong to. You grew up, you realized how wrong you were and you changed, that makes you better than 60% of the bullies in the world and I'll say it again: James and Sirius did those things, not you.
Draco gave the older boy a frank and kind smile. This man who had only been kind and compassionate to him didn't deserve to eat his life for things he didn't do.
-And maybe...- He began to suggest-You could try apologizing, the idiot might not forgive you, but it will be a start and it will help you heal-
Draco had already experimented with that action and honestly, it did help.
-I don't think he'd even dare listen to me- Lupin still looked disbelieving and embarrassed.
-It's the thought that counts, isn't it?- Draco smiled broadly.
Lupin looked at his pupil with his mouth open for a second, he had expected criticism and hatred, that the blond would finally walk away from him and cause him a hurt he might have deserved but instead he got understanding and advice from a 13 year old BOY who at times looked older than he was. That still surprised Remus, he had heard of old souls and Draco seemed like one of them, much wiser than he should be, who knew how to give advice but not follow it himself. A duality of strength and fragility he hadn't seen in a long time. It took him a couple of seconds longer but he reciprocated his student's smile, giving the hand that held his a gentle squeeze and agreeing to be comforted. He even felt his eyes blur, filling with feelings he hadn't brought up in a long time.
-Heh, give me a second. I don't want you to see a grown man cry-
He released Draco's hand, pressed his thumb and forefinger over his eyes and pulled his head back, holding back the tears. His student still didn't know about THE prank, which would really make Draco hate him and he felt a little bad about keeping that from him now but he wasn't ready for that, not yet.
-Raise memories and you'll get tears- Draco said
Lupin chuckled a little, still holding his head back.
They stood in comfortable silence for a while, letting the conversation settle. Draco had time to think, even if Lupin hadn't actively participated in the pranks on Snape, it was still... enlightening to know a little of what was done to his housemaster, he even felt a little sorry for young Severus, alone, a half-blood surrounded by mad purebloods, bullied and possibly isolated; now he understood why he was so accommodating to Lucius, if someone of his father's level started helping him it would help his image in the house and give him contacts when he got out, then there was the matter of joining the Death Eaters and then being a double spy. There was so much he still didn't know. He felt a shred of empathy for his housemaster now but that didn't take away all the anger of years and all the things he did as an adult. No, that anger was still there.
-Your turn- said Lupin, who was looking more composed, snapping Draco out of his thoughts; he gave him a confused look-I told you my part, it's your turn-
Shit, he'd forgotten that for a second. Well, might as well get a bit more trauma out of it.
-You already know, don't you? -he shrugged-Is not necessary for me to say it-
-Yes it is necessary, absolutely necessary Draco- Lupin was stubborn- I need to know that you're going somewhere saf; that maybe I'm wrong and your father doesn't actually hit you-
Draco sighed, talking about pawing at the wound.
-And what could you do? I'll go home anyway and if it's not the holidays it's the end of the year but I'll have to go back to living under his roof eventually-
Although if his plan worked out as he wanted it wouldn't be for more than two years before he left Manor.
-We could let Dumbledore know, we'll put you somewhere safe-
Draco snorted in laughter.
-oh yes, let's go. Headmaster I want to tell you how my father beats me with his bloody cane every time I don't meet his expectations, uses stinging spells when I don't behave as I should and...oh yes, slaps me with his ring hand for having my own opinions, which then buys my love with gifts and flattery that are nothing more than putting more expectations on myself, could you help me? - said in a sardonic and mocking tone - Dumbledore could do no more than call the authorities and my father would buy his way out of any repercussions and if they tried to take me away from him it would be considered kidnapping-
He saved himself from the fact that he believed his headmaster didn't really care about his students half as much as Lupin thought he did.
Remus, who changed his expression from one of initial shock to one of total restrained rage as Draco talked about his father's abuse. He was not unaware of the different and twisted forms of parenting that some families had, especially the older and purer ones if you asked him, Sirius never spoke fully openly about what he suffered at home but Remus could assume that they must be similar. He had to do something, he couldn't let Draco go back there. But Draco was an only child, Sirius had a brother that his parents focused on after running away from home but Lucius would fight for the only heir he had or so he assumed. He might as well fight Lucius, see if the would-be wizard and father could take Draco from him, dead first before letting them lay another hand on the young Slytherin. Lupin had to resist with all his might his wolf's instincts to snarl and snap at everything in his path.
-I know what you're thinking-Draco caught his attention-or at least I think I know, killing Lucius is an idea that at least half the wizarding world longs for but ending up in Azkaban isn't worth it-
¨I'm not worth it" sounded bitterly in Draco's mind without being able to help it.
-I swear nothing will happen to me, I'm stronger than you think.-
-I know that... -
-Then trust me when I tell you that everything will be fine, I'll try to ignore Lucius but if he tries to hit me I'll defend myself,-he said with conviction-in the end, he can't lose his only heir, he already put too much effort in me to lose me-
That didn't reassure Remus but he had no idea what to do but to offer his support, as he was already doing and that felt very insignificant.
-Just promise me that if you feel you are in danger, you will leave- the werewolf looked Draco straight in the eyes with total seriousness-My door is always open here at Hogwarts and I will protect you from whoever hurts you... okay?-
He was being given a way out, Draco had never in his adolescence had a way out that didn't feel like a trap or a trick to keep using him.
This... this felt real. No conditions, no double plans or secret motives, just a safe place to run away from the abyss.
If he was already fond of Remus Lupin before, at this very moment it had tripled. He had to protect this man and his position at all costs. Which meant he had to start getting the ingredients for his potion as soon as possible.
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-Can griffin claws be boiled to make them easier to grind?- Luna asked as she alternated between looking at her book and her paper.
-No, boiling them would only diminish their effectiveness as an ingredient- Blaise answered quickly, remembering his second year potions class.
-Besides, there wouldn't be the necessary powder left, the collagen in its composition would be activated, and the potion would end up with a different texture than it should-Draco added without looking up from his own task -Instead of a semi-thick liquid, you'd get a jelly-
The Slytherins and the Ravenclaw were sitting at the snakes' dining table during free hours, the afternoon light was coming in beautifully through the huge windows of the great hall, illuminating the room with the cold light of winter. Several groups of students were distributed with their friends and classmates doing homework and chatting, or just gossiping about their plans for Christmas or how almost nobody would be staying at Hogwarts that Christmas.
A very ordinary afternoon indeed.
Luna had joined them again to the dismay of Pansy who was the one sitting directly in front of her with Blaise next to her and Draco in front of him to Luna's side, all on various tasks that needed to be finished before the vacations if they were to have them in peace.
-Your mother will have her Yule Ball this year?-Pansy asked Blaise.
-She wouldn't miss the chance to show off her organizational skills-
-Nor the beauty of her Napoli villa, would she?- Pansy had a singsong, mocking tone, looking at the brunet with narrowed eyes -the beauty of the Italian shores~
-Control your envy, Pansy- Blaise looked down at her for a second before continuing to write-I'm sure your family was invited-
-I'm sure they'll tell me when I get home. I can't wait!- the girl said excitedly-The Zabini parties are so glamorous-
-Just admit that you can't be apart from me.-
-Ha! Your mother is nicer than you are, so you know-
-So you like my mother? I won't call you mommy- -Blaise joked with derision.
-IUK! Blaise that's disgusting-
Hey, my mother is a beauty, who do you think i inherited all this from- he pointed proudly.
-Yes, but age is catching up with her and- Pansy made a disgusted face.
-could you shut up, some of us have things to finish-Draco opined aloud, looking at his friends.
-You're such a killjoy Malfoy- Blaise answered, going back to his work.
-Actually... it would be fun to see you this Yule, Draco- Pansy quickly changed her tone to a sweeter one- Too bad your mother won't be having her party this year, Malfoy manor is lovely at this season-
Draco held back the urge to roll his eyes, he could feel the girl's piercing gaze on him, knowing that if he turned to look at her he would surely have a dreamy look shining in his direction. He didn't feel like dealing with the crush the girl had on him at the moment. At some point he would have to break his friend's illusion but it wasn't time yet. There were still many more people who needed to know before Pansy, her mother among them.
-Mother preferred something more intimate this year-
Draco explained simply wanting to end the conversation and he was able to do so when another person joined the conversation.
-Hey Luna-Cedric Diggory greeted with a smile, catching both the blonde's attention and that of the rest of the group-Here's the book you asked for, I hope it'll help you-
The girl turned to see the Hufflepuff and grabbed what seemed to be a book of enchantments, a grateful smile imitating the one of the boy.
-Thank you, Cedric. I really needed it. You're very kind- she said with honesty
-Oh, you're welcome Luna, always there to help,- he seemed a bit embarrassed by the younger girl's flattery-let me know if you need anything else-
-I will!-
Luna placed the book in the small pile next to her before continuing with her essay. Diggory looked stunned for a few seconds but only laughed softly at her behavior before his eyes fell on the boy sitting next to her, who was looking at him curiously.
-Hey Malfoy- he greeted, surprising the blond who only nodded his head in acknowledgement-it's good to see you, Luna here, she says you're good with History of Magic.-
Draco would deny until the end of his days the strong and rapid beating of his heart at having all the attention of the Hufflepuff seeker on him, he hoped that his years in customer service were enough to hide his emotions. Merlin, he hoped he was not blushing. He frowned slightly, turning to look at Luna, who didn't seem to notice the conversation passing over her, before turning back to Diggory and nodding once again.
-Great! Do you know anything about the International Warlock Convention of 1289?- he asked in his low, soft voice-The books in the library don't talk at all about what was talked about at the convention-
Draco remembered the subject, they covered it in second year but it was deepened in fifth year and although fifth year in his first life was crazy with the pink warlock running around destroying everything in her path with him being one of her winged monkeys; he has slight memories of having done an essay on the subject.
Before the idea flew from his mind, he grabbed a piece of scroll, tore off a small part and wrote on it and then delivered the message to Diggory.
-The Wars of the Earliest, it sounds like a fictional book but it's historical, you should find what you need there - Draco explained, keeping his tone calm and casual, even if his heart beat a few beats faster than normal. Damn hormones- hardly anyone knows about it so it should be easy to borrow-.
Diggory looked at him with surprise for a few milliseconds and then changed to a smile of gratitude so charming it would light up a dark night. Draco has to grit his teeth to keep from smiling back, he has a reputation to uphold and no handsome brown haired boy is going to come and ruin his plans.
-Thanks, buddy- the Hufflepuff changed his tone from formal to a more friendly one-you saved my neck there-
-Yeah, you're welcome.
-Hey, too bad you quit quidditch, it would have been great to play against you, you were fire last year. If you ever want a rematch, let me know-
The blond wasn't sure before but now he knows, he's having a fucking gay panic, a huge and catastrophic one. He feels the heat rise to his cheeks and prays to all the gods that it doesn't show too much. The poor guy hasn't flirted with anyone in a long time and the people who hit on him in the cafeteria didn't used to be his type but now: with his hormones raging, his weak teenage heart and the one who flattered him being his little childhood crush isn't helping his ability to hide his attraction to the seeker in an easy way.
He needs to act fast and casual.
-A rematch would mean I lost and I remember kicking your arse last year-
Why did he have to mention arses?!
To the blond's relief, Cedric doesn't seem offended but instead throws his head back slightly and laughs openly.
-Hey, let the senior be gentle with the beginners-
-Be gentle with your back, old man. I've seen how you fly, the elderly don't go over 90 km/h now? -Draco smirks, crossing his arms and turning his body slightly to one side, looking at Diggory with challenge in his eyes.
Diggory reciprocating the impudence by leaning just a little to maintain eye contact with the blond.
-So it's true that even wounded snakes don't stop biting, eh? -
Draco doesn't know if it's because of the way the conversation has changed or if he has simply suffered a short circuit that has damaged his brain more than it should, but in an act of pure and rare impulsiveness, forgetting his surroundings: he opens and closes his mouth quickly, snapping his teeth as if it were a snake attacking.
God only knows what got into him to do that, he would be very embarrassed once this interaction is over.
Diggory quickly steps back, pretending to be afraid of his attack, which isn't convincing as he can't help but laugh warmly at the blond's joke.
-Quiet Little Viper, I'm leaving now. Thanks for the book again- he says with a grateful and amused tone before starting to walk away, passing behind Draco towards the dining room doors before stopping for a second- but seriously, a practice flight would be fun. Think about it-
And sure enough, before leaving, the Hufflepuff seeker, known to be one of the best looking boys in his year and the school, winks at him. Draco wants to die of embarrassment, or rather die again because after the wink he quickly turns his head towards his table and meets the confused look of his friends. Pansy looks more confused by the interruption but nothing else while Blaise, as far as Draco can tell, has a glint of suspicion behind his confusion.
-Why would Diggory ask a third year for help on fifth year matters?- Pansy asks and Draco knows he has to think fast again.
-He finally realized how superior I am, studying subjects ahead of my year- he prayed that would sink in and avoid the subject of his flirting intent.
-Pff please, just because last year you were obsessed with ancient history- Blaise mockingly adds- you have the taste of an old man in a library, who wants to know what happened millennia ago? It's ridiculous-
They engage in a small discussion about the values of learning ancient history for a few seconds before returning to their homework, allowing Draco to breathe normally again. Later, alone in his insured and soundproof bed he would have his full gay panic about what happened that day but now he had something else to confirm and for that he needed another piece of parchment, one he tore up just like the one he gave Cedric.
Luna, are u trying to set me up with Diggory?
He discreetly passed the message to Luna who saw it and didn't take long to answer back.
I just think you should have options : 3
IS TWO YEARS OLDER!
Age is just a number!
And jail is just a room...
Touche : /
Look I appreciate the effort but .... I'm still not out yet.
??
I haven't come out of the closet yet and I'd like to keep it that way for a while longer, you know how purebloods are.
Oh, I'm not trying to bring you out.
then ????
I'm just trying to get you to meet more people, it might help you with your process.
You don't even know if Diggory is gay!
He's bi
And you know that because...?
It's obvious
Draco had to physically and painfully hold back a frustrated sigh, he didn't want to draw attention to his little written conversation with Luna.
-Uggg don't look now but someone is watching us- Pansy whispers so that only the four of them can hear her. Blaise is the first one to look and frown - doesn't even try to hide it-
-He has the stealth of a giant with two left feet, I swear-Blaise remarks and Draco can't help but turn to see who they're talking about,-I don't know how he's managed to get away with his will all this time-.
Draco thinks he shouldn't be as surprised as he is when he confirms that the person watching them is none other than Potter, who tries to "disguise it" by looking at his book from time to time. The blond just rolls his eyes in annoyance.
-What do you imagine he is thinking? -Blaise asks.
-Maybe he wants to discover our evil plans-Pansy wiggles her fingers in the air with a sinister tone-My only plan would be to stick my boots where the sun doesn't shine on him, but it would be a waste of Dragon leather, they'd be contaminated-
-You could do it- Luna suddenly adds-and then just use a fire spell to burn off the dirt, dragon skin is naturally resistant to fire. The boots stay clean and you kick it. Win/win-
Draco never thought to listen to Luna actively plan how to hurt someone even slightly. Perhaps she was more angry with what happened with the whole apology thing than Draco realized and to the blond's dismay, Pansy seemed to entertain the idea.
He shook her head before returning to his paper message. If he didn't comment he could pretend he knew nothing about it if something came to happen
Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do but really... just wait until I get out, okay? Then you can introduce me to whoever you want.
I didn't want you to feel pressured, I'm sorry about that, obviously I'll wait as long as you want but I'll take you at your word about introducing you to whoever I want later
....
Thank you, luna <3
Draco can't help but think in the back of his mind that he has fallen into the lion's den (or eagle's claws?) of his own free will.
He crumples the paper and puts it in his pocket. That little way of communication met its end in the flames of his common room, far from gossiping eyes.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At bedtime there was a moment where the room became a little chaotic. Guys fixing their clothes for the next day, quick games of sploding snap before going to sleep, some finishing the last details of their homework that was due the next day, the usual.
Draco was getting into his bed for the night, he just needed to close his curtains and soundproof them when he felt a glance at himself.
He looked up to meet Blaise's indescribable gaze, his friend seemed to be on his way to his bed. Confused, he raised an eyebrow at the boy, asking wordlessly. The dark-haired man continued his cryptic stare before smiling mischievously, causing even more confusion in the blond.
-Good night, little viper~ -
Without further ado and with a shit-eating grin, he went to his bed.
Draco could simultaneously feel the color rise in his cheeks as the rest of the color drained from his face as panic filled his veins; in a quick wave of his wand he closed the curtains and cast a soundproofing spell much stronger than he wanted but he didn't care about any of that now. He sat on his bed with his elbows on his knees and hiding his face in his hands.
He had to let his hormones take over and play along with Diggory.
Did Blaise know something? Would he tell anyone?
No, he had no proof of anything, only circumstances that could be quickly denied with simple cordiality between seeker and ex-seeker.
He had to relax. It wasn't worth panicking over something so simple. He was able to hide his homosexuality in his first life with relative ease so he could do so in this one. Still, a twisted part of him told him it would be better to get rid of Blaise. Merlin and all the gods know that murdering someone in that damned castle wasn't the hardest thing of all, just look at all the ghosts that swarmed around, even a few of them were students. He himself had almost been murdered in the bathroom and no one ever found out, he would have become another ghost to keep Myrtle company in her bathroom.
Myrtle... someday he should visit her.
He had much more to worry about than the strange behaviors of an English/Italian boy with too much time on his hands.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hurt.
Everything hurts.
It's all he knows when he wakes up, the pain itself is what makes him open his eyes.
It reminds him of the pain of the crucios but it's not the same, just similar. Instead of acid in his veins he feels ice, it's cold, he's cold. He shrinks in on himself in a poor attempt to keep warm.
Is he shivering? He thinks he is shivering.
His stomach feels tight and his lungs are doing extra work trying to get oxygen into his systems. His muscles ache, they feel as if they are shrinking in on themselves in painful cramps that don't stay in one area but move throughout his body making him squirm in his sheets. The worst is the pain in his chest, as if something is trying to break his skin and crack the prison his ribs create, making every breath even more anguishing.
His bones burn. How is it possible that his bones burn and his veins freeze?!
He tries to scream but his throat doesn't work, it feels tight as if he is being squeezed gently and it burns. It wouldn't do any good to scream anyway. His bed is enchanted so that the screams of his nightmares would not disturb anyone and now it prevents his classmates from noticing his suffering.
He must move, he must get out of his bed or it will become his soundproof tomb.
With his eyes half open and full of tears he crawls softly, the rubbing of the sheets mistreat his sensitive skin but it is not the worst he has felt so he slowly continues to move to the edge. he must get up, he must sit up or something but none of that happens, he doesn't have the strength to do it. A muffled sob escapes his lips at his last drag away from his bed, he falls to the cold floor like a bloody sack of potatoes, only the gods know how he has avoided hitting his head but his arms now hurt more than before. Did he break them? Do they feel broken or is it just his muscles screaming from the impact?
Belatedly he realizes that it's not just his muscles screaming. The fall has forced his vocal cords to work and he lets out a loud scream of pain that now echoes in the room followed by his sobs, later he will feel sorry, right now he just wants the pain to end, whatever is in his chest to escape and leave him alone. In desperation his hands scratch trying to remove the pressure. He feels his fingernails hurting his skin, even through his shirt.
-Draco?!- he hears someone screaming but he doesn't know who it is, he doesn't care.
-Please.. -he begs between sobs.
The lights illuminate the room, blinding him and forcing him to close his eyes, not that he could see much through the tears.
-someone call a teacher!- someone shouts and he thinks he hears how the door opens.
-Draco, tell me what's going on, what do you need?- Blaise?
-h..urt... Agh, make it stop-he begs again, through shortness of breath and tremors.
-Easy, help is coming, breathe- Blaise sounds scared, almost as he was in the war, Draco remembers. He feels the boy's hands grabbing his arms -stop!-
They move his hands away from his chest, preventing him from scratching himself and without that distraction it only makes his sobs grow even louder and he starts to struggle even more on the floor.
It hurts, it burns, it burns, it's cold, it's hot.
Everything is hazy, very dark but if he opens his eyes it is very bright. His head throbs and his breath feels dragon-like, burning his throat
-Malfoy?- someone new arrives in the room, Snape, Draco recognizes belatedly as the teacher kneels down next to him and begins to analyze the situation with desperation in his eyes, still trying to keep his composure- what's going on, what happened?-
-I don't know-Blaise answers with fear-he fell out of bed, he started screaming, I don't know, I don't know!-
-Malfoy, talk! What do you need?! What hurts!?- Snape sounds confused and anxious, as if he doesn't know what to do in the situation.
Draco tries to speak again but his mind is very confused, he only knows he wants help, someone to save him, someone to make it stop. He babbles on about his pain but nothing comes out coherently. He wants his friends, he wants Larry who always had medicine nearby and accompanied him through his colds even if he got sick afterwards, Sheila who would put cold compresses on his burning forehead until he could sleep again or Maria who would come over and leave them comforting chicken soup. He wants his mother who gave him kisses on his wounds and healed him with gentle spells and touches after his sessions with Bellatrix, who gave him words of love and strength or Remus who comforted him when he cried. He wants... he wants ....
-Shei...- he sobbed very softly- mom...remu...- he whispered between moans of pain.
Snape could do nothing, he felt totally useless to help his godson, he stood paralyzed for a few seconds just watching how the blond was writhing and crying on the floor of the room. More students began to gather at the door trying to get a glimpse of what was going on, incredulous and fearful murmurs filled the air. He had to move, his godson needed help and he wasn't going to let him continue to suffer.
Without much thought she grabbed Draco between his arms by the boy's chest and legs, bridal style. He was slightly surprised as Draco was not too heavy, even for his age. The question of whether he was eating well crossed his mind for a second but he filed it away, he would have time for that later. Now the blond squirmed at the sudden movement, screamed as if he had been burned before he lay still on Snape´s chest, still crying and wetting his robe, mumbling names Snape didn't recognize or calling his mother.
He would be heartless if he did not acknowledge that it hurt him to see the young boy so haughty and proud in such a state.
And despite popular belief he was not heartless...not that much, at least he wanted to believe.
Snape walked briskly through the common room with the boy clutched to his chest, trying to hide him a little from the curious eyes of the rest of the students, who quickly turned away when they saw their Housemaster walking towards them with a firm step, his usual stoic and serious face only slightly changed with the big frown of total concern that formed his eyebrows.
Draco was still writhing in spasms that caused his body to shake harder at times, his master's robe against his skin felt like sandpaper at first but now it was a slightly comforting warmth, he was still crying but the pressure in his chest had eased a bit so he no longer wanted to rip his sternum out but it still hurt like hell. He kept babbling, calling out names for help that still wasn't coming. Why didn't they come to help him? He was with Bellatrix again and everything he lived through was just a dream driven by pain?
No, the tortures of his dearest aunt hurt much more and gave him no time to think about anything but survival. No, this had to be real.
His legs began to feel numb, as if his muscles had been paralyzed in a mild cramp that prevented him from moving them, his world was spinning again and he was losing connection with reality every second, his head ached, his gums ached, his throat itched.
Was he going faster?
Snape had started to run.
He tried to moisten his dry lips with his tongue but was surprised to feel something sharp against his tongue.
Were those his fangs? Since when were they so sharp?
All his front teeth feel sharper to tell the truth.
Was that why his gums hurt? What was going on?
The despair and confusion lasted a second before it was quelled by a sudden exhaustion.
-Draco, don't you dare sleep on me, we're almost there.-
Draco thought he should listen to his godfather, but he didn't have the strength, his mind was heavy, it hurt and it urged him to sleep.
Sleep would end the pain, that would be good.
Besides, he no longer listened to his godfather.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remus ran through the corridors, Mcgonagall had sent him a Patronus in the middle of the night with disturbing news. Draco had had a strange seizure and was now in the infirmary. He hadn't been told what kind of attack but that didn't stop the werewolf from getting up as quickly as he could and pulling an old robe over himself as he made his way to the sickbay.
Outside the sickbay all the housemasters were gathered together along with the headmaster, all looking worried. Snape looked at him angrily as he saw him approach.
-We don't know what it is yet, it could be contagious- said Flitwick- should we put him in quarantine?-
-We can't fall into paranoia, Filius- contradicted Professor Sprout- the boy is ill and we just have to wait for Poppy's verdict-
-How long has he been in there?-Remus asked, his breath hitching from the race -What happened?-
-You tell me- Snape spoke to him with poorly concealed scorn- What have you done to him?
And in just a second he has Snape's wand pointed at him, a few millimeters from his nose. Remus takes a step back with his hands in the air, the atmosphere in the corridor changes drastically as everyone tenses up.
It's not every day that one teacher threatens another.
-wha -Remus squints his eyes in bewilderment-I have done nothing to Draco-
- Don't you dare lie to me, Lupin- Snape sounds angry and threatening, waving his wand-I know you did something to him, you've been after him all semester-
-Severus, what are you talking about?!-Remus raises his voice in alarm at whatever Snape is insinuating-I didn't do anything! What do you even think I did to him?
-Explain why you spend so much time with him then! You spend a lot of time together, more than usual for a student and teacher, just him. Not even another student-
Remus feels his stomach drop and every hair on his skin bristles as he understands, or at least thinks he understands, what Snape is implying. His bafflement quickly turns to a burning anger that he must control so as not to break down in front of the rest of the teachers.
-You're not insinuating that I want to convert him... -There is resentment in his voice and he can hear several surprised gasps all around him.
-You never know with you. Beasts..-
-Are you insane?! I would never drag anyone into this damn curse-Remus snapped, stepping forward and getting closer to the wand that threatened him-You think I would do that to a student in a place where they would clearly know it was me?! -
-We are near the full moon! Then explain why my student had a seizure and a deadly fever!
-I DON'T KNOW!- Remus shouts and underneath his tone is an angry beastly growl. Remus notices how Snape is startled and grips his wand more firmly.
-That's enough- interrupts Dumbledore-Enough, both of you. Severus, put your wand down, I won't have two teachers fighting each other!
Remus steps back with his breath heaving from the outburst, Severus lowers his wand and turns to the headmaster, his back is not turned, but he is no longer facing him.
A hand is placed on the werewolf's shoulder, Pomona stands beside him in silent support. She was always good to all her students, no matter their condition, it seems that extends even when they are adults.
Remus appreciates that.
-Severus, that was way out of line- McGonagall scolds- and for your information, Remus has also been helping other students, recently he's been giving lessons to Harry Potter or am I wrong?-
-Yes - Remus answers still a bit upset - I'm helping him with his subjects, as well as Draco -
-That proves nothing- Severus hisses between his teeth.
-It's not my fault that your student asks me for help and not to you!-
Severus takes a deep breath, offended and even angrier than before.
-Enough, I said- Dumbledore stops them again-we have a sick student and we should be concerned about him, I'm not interested in your infighting at the moment-
Everything is silent for a few moments, the tense atmosphere remains but the aggressiveness slowly decreases.
-No one has told me what happened yet.-
-Apparently, Mr. Malfoy woke up screaming from his bed, when Severus came to check him he was having spasms and tremors, his temperature was high and he was delirious- McGonagal explained in a soft tone-Poppy is checking him but we still don't know what could happen to him-
Remus's concern grew to anguish. Draco had been fine the last time he saw him in class but he knew how the boy was able to hide things he didn't want anyone else to see.
What if Draco had been in pain before? Only now it was so intense that he couldn't help but show it.
What kind of teacher and friend was he that he couldn't notice when his boy was in pain?
And now there was another issue: was this related to his uncontrolled magic or an external illness?
-There is another thing, the reason why I sent for you- said the headmaster calling the attention of the DADA teacher-between his deliriums he was asking for many people, friends, we believe, his mother and you-
Remus has felt many sadnesses in this life and he can say that the anguish he feels at this moment is one that he will add to the list of his worst moments. Draco was begging for him and was not there to help him.
He felt numb, just wondering if the boy was going to be all right and what he would do if he wasn't. It was amazing how Draco had quickly crawled in and made a burrow from his heart, filling the space that had been occupied by only one person for so many years. He and Harry shared a place in his heart and mind, with one of them he was closer than the other at the moment, but he was working on it.
Now he had to worry about his little blond.
He prayed inwardly to Circe and to every god who would listen that his boy would be all right, that he would recover quickly.
Minutes passed agonizingly slowly, the other Heads of House were discussing the situation, except for Snape, with slight comments from the Headmaster.
Everyone fell silent when Pomfrey opened the door to the infirmary, looking tired and downcast. Remus felt his heart shrink.
She let them all into the room and on one of the beds, still as a corpse and just as pale was Draco. The only thing that calmed the brown haired man's horrifying concern was to see how his student's chest was slowly rising and falling. Everything was fine, he was still breathing. He was alive.
-What news do you have for us, Poppy? - Dumbledore asked softly, his gaudy red sleeping robe clashing with the vibe of the room - is the boy all right?
-Is he contagious? Does he have Dragon Pox?- Flitwick asked anxiously.
-No-Pomfrey spoke seriously- No, whatever young Malfoy has is not contagious. What's more, I don't even know What happened to him-
-What do you mean? - Pomona stepped forward
-I'm saying I don't know what caused the seizure - there's alarm in the nurse's voice - the diagnostic spells didn't release anything out of the ordinary. He had a slight cardiac arrhythmia due to stress and his muscles were tense so I administered a relaxant but nothing. His fever went down, he stopped shivering, he stopped being delirious. No, I have no idea what could have happened. I'd say he looked more like a victim of... of cruciatus-
Gasps echoed through the room again.
-Poor boy- McGonagall whispered
-But the cruciatus leaves slight traces, whatever happened to young Malfoy left nothing, neither in his blood nor in his body. There are no marks other than those of his own fingernails from what Severus told me, when he tried to tear his chest. -
Concern is growing among the adults, something like this is unheard of and it was scary. Not knowing what they were facing was terrifying because they didn't know how to face it.
-And how is he now? -Remus asked.
-He's stable, as if nothing had ever happened, he went back to sleep- Poppy turned to see the boy in bed and the rest of them did the same-We should wait until tomorrow and ask him what happened-
-Can't we wake him up and ask him directly?- Severus approaches the bed and looks at his godson, no one can miss the poorly hidden worry on his face.
-After an attack like that it's better to let him rest, giving him more mental stress with questions so soon could affect his recovery-
-Let the boy rest then-
Dumbledore tucks his hands into his sleeves with a calm attitude, he approaches Snape and places a hand on his shoulder as he looks at Draco in distress but when he takes a step closer his expression changes. Remus can't help but notice how it goes from slight concern for one of his students to one of suspicion and confusion for a solid second before camouflaging back into distress
- come on everyone, we should rest too-.
Bewilderment at the headmaster's expression takes a back seat for Remus at the thought of getting away from Draco.
-No, I'll stay and keep an eye on him, he could have another attack and it's better if there's someone nearby to call Poppy-
-As if I would leave you alone with him,- Snape said with disdain.
-They act like children, sometimes- Mcgonagal mutters from behind Remus-Poppy, can both of them stay and keep an eye on Mr. Malfoy?-
Pomfrey thinks about it for a few seconds before nodding.
-As long as they don't wake him up and don't cause any disturbance, it's fine with me-
-Settled then- Dumbledore nods in a satisfied tone- I expect a report on the situation later tomorrow afternoon, dear Pomfrey-
With gentle goodbyes and good will towards Draco, the rest of the adults leave the area.
Remus walks solemnly over to the boy's bed, quietly dragging a chair over to sit as close as he can to his boy. A heavy sigh escapes his lips, at least he is no longer worried that Draco is in danger.
Snape mimics him but places the chair a little further away and against the wall, he sits with his arms curled across his chest, just far enough to keep an eye on him but not too close. Remus senses that the night will be too long.
Once the rest of the teachers have left the room a while ago Pomfrey approaches them, nervousness overflowing from her eyes and her posture causing both teachers to sit up straight and attentive to whatever the nurse says.
-This is a delicate matter and I didn't want this information to be made public for young Malfoy's sake -his tone of voice is weak and exhausted- Severus, you appear in Draco's records as an emergency contact and being his housemaster this information concerns you. Remus, from what I have heard, you have become close to the young Malfoy and I believe that no one better than you will be able to help him with whatever will happen from now on-
-Pomfrey, what's going on? You're scaring me- Remus feels his heart begin to race and his nerves are on edge. What could be so serious that Poppy would talk to them with such secrecy?
-I did a lot of tests on young Malfoy, including a blood test and...- Poppy sighs shakily- the results came back strange, there was no such thing in his records when he entered the school so it must be recent. -
The nurse doesn't seem to want to speak, as if saying it out loud would make what she's been trying to avoid come true.
-There are large traces of magical creature in his DNA, I just don't know which one-